positively present

the wright way to succeed

 (♥)

“I know the price of success:
dedication, hard work, and an unremitting devotion
to the things you want to see happen.”

Frank Lloyd Wright

So you want your life to be a successful one, huh? Me too! No matter what your life goals are -– to be a superstar, to raise a family, to make a lot of money, to complete a very specific task –- you most likely want to be successful in reaching that goal. I recently came across this Frank Lloyd Wright quote: “I know the price of success: dedication, hard work, and an unremitting devotion to the things you want to see happen.” Reading this, I realized that this man is on to something. When striving toward a goal –- especially of goal of success –- it’s important to break it down in key elements (and, like Wright, I prefer a nice group of three) in order to make it easier to conquer our goals. Wright has chosen three really essential elements when it comes to talking about success, which is why I’m happy to look to his wise words for guidance. 

According to Wright, in order to be successful we need to be the following: dedicated, hard working, and devoted. I know those words are broad and general (and, upon reading them, make me feel slightly overwhelmed) so I’m going to break it down for us even further here. One of the best ways I’ve found for meeting a goal is to have a plan, an outline of the steps you have to take to make it to the goal line. Since I don’t know what every reader’s individual goal is, I can’t break it down too specifically, but I can take it one step further than Wright has and help you lay the foundation for whatever goal you’re hoping to achieve. Below I will discuss in more detail the three things you need to be to be successful.

To Succeed You Must Be…
 

…Dedicated.

If you really want to succeed at whatever your goal is, you must dedicate yourself to it. I don’t know about you, but every time I’ve done something in a half-hearted way, without putting in my full effort and abilities, it never turns out the way I want it to. Whether you’re working towards a successful job, relationship, blog post, or any other goal, if you’re going to do something and you want to be successful at it, put your whole heart into it. Dedicate yourself. Dedicated your time, your mental energy, your blood, sweat, and tears. If you don’t dedicate yourself to your goals –- and I mean really give it your all –- you’ll always wonder if you gave it enough, if you could have done more. If you give your goals your best shot and try as hard as you can, you will always carry around with you the notion that you did the absolute best you could –- no matter what happens.

  

…Hard Working.

No matter what your goal is, hard work is a MUST. There is no way you’ll be successful (unless you’re just incredibly lucky…and can that good fortune even be called success?) if you don’t put in a lot of hard work. When I’ve read biographies of well-known geniuses or even books like Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers, I realize just how much hard work goes into being a success. Sometimes I read stories or articles and people’s lives are depicted in such a way that it seems they just fell into the perfect job or relationship or situation. However, when you dig deeper, it seems that hard work is almost always a factor in success of any kind. It might seem like opportunities just fall into others’ laps, but often these opportunities took work to get to and/or they are merely jumping off points for lots of hard work. It’s not easy to work hard at something that’s not a guarantee, but it’s always worth it. As I said above, it’s much better to know that you worked hard at something –- as hard as you could have –- than to look back on a situation knowing you could have worked harder.

  

…Devoted.

To be devoted is very similar to being dedicated, but it is slightly different. One part of devotion is loyalty. You must be loyal to your goal. Other things will come up. New challenges will arise as you’re working towards your goal, but you have to stay devoted to it, no matter what difficulties you face. Life is always filled with unexpected interruptions. Some of these interruptions and distractions may get in the way of your goal momentarily, but stay focused. If you must deviate from your goal, return to it as quickly as you can. Often when I set a goal I find new goals along the way. These distractions shouldn’t necessarily be ignored, but they should be set aside in favor of your original goal. Keep your eye on the prize and, with all of your hard work and dedication, you'll be able to turn the dream you're devoted to into a reality.

When I first came across Wright's quote, I was instantly in awe of how fitting it was for someone like me, someone who is constantly trying to reach goals and make her way toward her own definition of success. So often we think of the word "success" and, while we know we want it, we have no idea where to begin. Wright's quote helped me to really think about what it is that I want to focus on and, more importantly, what I need to do to really make my goal into a success. While I don’t think these three points are the only things necessary to achieve a goal (I really do believe that a positive attitude is something we must also have!), I do think they are very important and provide a great foundation for anyone with the hope of success. I honestly believe that Wright –- who achieved quite a few goals himself! -– was on to something when he chose these three factors for defining the price of success. For many this is a high price indeed, but the payoffs can be well worth the work when your goals are finally met.

What do you think is necessary to succeed?
What do you do to help make your own success happen?

words to live by: when i look down

 (♥)

 

"When I look around I think this, 
  This is good enough. 
  And I try to laugh at whatever life brings. 
  'Cause when I look down, 
  I just miss all the good stuff, 
 And when I look up I just trip over things."

Ani DiFrano
"As Is"

 

"Words To Live By" is a segment on Positively Present that features my favorite quote or lyrics from the week. Every Sunday I post a quote or lyrics that have inspired me with the hope that they'll inspire you too. Comments will be closed on these posts, but feel free to tweet the post if you enjoy it or contact me via Twitter.

wonderland's wisdom: 5 life lessons from alice's adventure

"My name's not Alice
but I know how she felt
When her world started
turning into something else..."

Lisa Mitchell
 

Today I have a very important date... to see Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland! Those of you who have been reading the blog lately know that Alice in Wonderland is one of my favorites. For as long as I can remember, I've been in love with the story. I've watched the Disney film more times than I can count and I've read the book quite a few times. As a child, I loved Alice more than any of the other animated films. While many little kids were scared of the film, I sat watching intently, in awe of the oddness of it. I wondered what it would be like to fall down a rabbit hole into a world where everything made no sense.

As I got older, I realized that my world had quite a bit of nonsense in it as well and I wondered if, perhaps, I was already down the rabbit hole. Everything about the world -- both Alice's and my own -- fascinated me and confused me. I spent a great deal of my childhood thinking about Alice and how much I was like her. I felt, in many ways, that my life paralleled her unexpected journey down the rabbit hole. I came to understand that, like Alice, I couldn't seem to come to terms with the world around me. It was an interesting place, yes, but also unnerving at times. The world around me was something I wanted desperately to understand yet struggled so much to do so. I would go to sleep hoping to wake to the realization that all my life I'd been dreaming. I hoped to find that real world, the world in which things finally made sense, was just on the other side of my dreams.

The older I got, the more settled I became with the idea that this place in which I was so unhappy was meant to be my home. I was meant to spend my days nibbling on the negative and sipping from the cup of sarcasm. I was, I began to believe, meant to live in this Wonderland. I resigned myself to the idea that I would spend my life in a place that didn't make much sense to me. In the past, my world seemed dark and senseless. The actions I took and the mistakes I made seemed to have no meaning and there were times when I felt as if those around me were truly speaking a different language. I didn't understand why I had to follow so many rules and make so many choices that didn't seem to lead me to happiness at all. I didn't understand a lot of things and all of that confusion only led to more unhappiness.

There were periods of my life when I felt so different from the people around me that at times it felt like either I had gone mad or they were all mad. In some of my unhappiest of days I felt as if I was living in a world that literally made no sense whatsoever. I couldn't understand why people did what they did or, in some cases, why I was doing what I was doing. I would look around, wide-eyed, and recall Alice's words: "If I had a world of my own... nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would." I wanted to be in a different place, a world that made sense to me. I would close my eyes and wait to wake up, wait to open my eyes to a world in which everything had been turned upside down and finally made sense.

Lately I feel as if, as Alice eventually did, I am waking up. I feel as if now, with a positive attitude and a determination to see the good in life, I am opening my eyes and really seeing the world -- the real world. Wonderland, that place in which I lived with unhappiness and chaos and confusion, was an exciting place. It was intriguing and tempting and in some ways fascinating. But it wasn't real. As much fun as it was at times to live the way I used to -- indulging in anything and everything that I fancied, spending so much of my time trying to find my way, feeling lost and yet exhilarated by the possibilities of a world filled with nonsense -- I've found that my new reality is so much more brilliant and enticing than I would have ever imagined. Writing this today, I can only hear one thought echoing in my mind: I am so happy I finally woke up. 

I feel a sense of freedom sometimes, no longer feeling trapped in a world that made no sense. Today the world makes sense to me. It makes me feel alive and excited. I am happy just to be here and to know that I did, eventually, wake up to a new life, a real life. But just because I now feel as if I am in a different place doesn't mean I don't still love Wonderland and all of the things I learned there. There are many things we can learn from the places that don't suit us, from the things that seem to make us uncomfortable and confused. Below are some of the lessons from Wonderland that helped me to become the person I am today. I hope you will read them and learn from them just as I've been doing all these years.   
 

#1
Decide where you want to be going.  

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to go," said the Cat. 
"I don't much care where--" said Alice. 
"Then it doesn't much matter which way you go," said the Cat. 
"--so long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation.
"Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."

Do you know where you want to go in life? Personally, I have an idea of where I want to be going, but not a certain, definite path. As the Cat says, if you don't know exactly where you want to go, you could end up just about anywhere. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but if you do have some sort of direction you want to be headed in, you should probably start going that way rather than just trying to get anywhere. Figure out what your path is and get on it! And remember: No one but you can point you in the direction or path that is right for you. It's up to you to find your path and start moving in the right direction. I know this all too well in terms of my own life. No one, no matter how hard some tried, was ever able to convince me to drop my negative attitude -- except me. I was the only one who was able to turn my life around and make it what I wanted it to be. It hasn't been easy and I've certainly had some help from the amazing people in my life, but it was ultimately up to me to get on the right path -- and stay there. If you don't know what your path is, give it some serious thought. If you are already on the best path for you, keep moving!

#2
Stop doing things that get you nowhere.

"It takes all the running you can do,
to keep in the same place."
The Red Queen

What do you do that keeps you in the same place? Do you want your life to change but you keep doing the same things over and over again? I know his happens to me. Like many people, I find myself complaining about things that I chose to do. I will make choices and then I will be unhappy with them afterward. Listen to the Queen. The Queen is right. Sometimes -- okay, often -- it feels easier to keep doing what you've been doing because it's comfortable. We can get so set in our ways, in rationalizing our behavior to make it seem okay, but we're actually making things a lot harder on ourselves. Just think about your life for a minute. Are you doing things that are making it harder on you? Are you staying in situations that make you unhappy because it seems easier than getting out of them? Are you putting yourself in positions where you have to compromise yourself because it seems easier?  Think about how much time and effort and mental energy that takes just to stay where you are, to keep doing what you're doing. It seems like it would be hard to leave or change, but, really, it's harder to stay the same. Remember what the Queen said and remember this: don't ever, ever settle for less than what you deserve in life.

#3
Believe in what seems impossible.

"There's no use in trying," Alice said, "one can't believe impossible things."
"I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen.
"When I was your age, I always it it for half an hour a day.
Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

How many of us are like Alice, so certain that something is impossible that we don't even give it a try? People who succeed in life do so because they try and because they have a good attitude. They make an effort. They do, rather than just thinking about doing. This is hard though. Trust me, I know. I want to be a writer.  I want to write novels that people love and relate to. While I've drafted some articles and even written a novel (that I've shared with no one), have I really done anything to pursue my dream? Not really. In fact, I often sit back and say to myself, "Oh, that probably won't happen so I guess I'll just stay where I am." I think to myself, "I'm doing some writing so it's fine." Nope. This is not fine. Or, rather, it is fine, but "fine" is not what makes dreams into realities. Fine is not what makes my novel suddenly appear on bookshelves everywhere. No, I have to do more than fine. I have to believe that things that might seem impossible are possible. No matter what your dreams are, no matter what you envision for your life, you can make it happen. It won't always come easily, but you have to believe.

#4
Figure out who you are.

"Dear, dear! How queer everything is today! And yesterday things went on just as usual.
I wonder if I've changed in the night? Let me think...
Was I the same when I got up this morning?
I almost think I can remember feeling a little different.
But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?'
Ah, that's the great puzzle!" 
Alice

Who are you? Ah, the great and mind-boggling question. Do you really know who you are? I'm not sure anyone really 100% knows who they are (or even really will), but I do believe that  some of us have a better idea than others. Why? Because some people actually want to know who they are. If you're reading this blog (and weren't already turned off by the crazy Alice in Wonderland nonsense I'm spewing here), you're most likely a thinker, a soul-searcher. You want to know who you are which puts you a HUGE step ahead of most people, people who just move through life not knowing and not caring who they are. Your life will always be changing and new experiences will happen to you all the time. Like Alice, you might find your world turned upside down one day. As unsettling as life can sometimes be, if you know who you are, you have a foundation on which to always rest. You can be certain in one thing: yourself. Keep exploring yourself and trying to learn more about you because everything you learn about yourself can help you in life. Knowing who you are will keep you sane and help you to grapple with whatever curve balls life throws at you.

#5
Communicate carefully with others.

"You should say what you mean," the March Hare went on.
"I do," Alice hastily replied. "At least I mean what I say. 
That's the same thing you know."

 

Is saying what you mean and meaning what you say the same thing? I'm pretty sure it's not. You should think about this: Do you really say what you mean? Do you really mean what you say? Communication, for me, is tough. I don't always say what I mean either because I am afraid to or because I'm not sure exactly what I mean. I spend a lot of time thinking, but not all that much time thinking before I speak. Not surprisingly, my lacking communication abilities often lead to confusion and problems. I've learned (and am still learning more and more every day) that it's much better to take some time to figure out what you mean rather than saying things that may be the opposite of, or not even related to, what you mean to say. And, on the other hand, it's important to mean what you say. When you tell someone something, mean it. Don't just speak to speak. It can be hard to communicate with others. In some ways, we're all in our own little worlds and what makes sense to us doesn't always make sense to others. However, I've found that if you take the time to really think about what you want to say and if you really mean the words that come out of your mouth, things in life go a lot more smoothly.

 

As you can see, there's a lot to be learned from Alice and her adventures in Wonderland. If you haven't already read the book and seen the movie, you should definitely do so. Tim Burton's version comes out today and it's sure to be awesome (albeit a bit darker than the beloved Disney classic). Thinking about how much I've learned from Alice's tale reminds me that we can learn not only from the people in our lives and from our own experiences, but from books and music and quotes and films. Pay attention. There's a lot out there that can teach us if we just take the time to be aware of it. This weekend take some time to about your favorite book or film or even quote. Why does that mean so much to you? What about that book/film/etc. do you really like? You would be surprised how much you can learn about yourself when you take the time to think about the things you really enjoy. For as long as I can recall, I've loved the story of Alice in Wonderland. Its only now that I'm starting to realize just how much I get out of Carroll's novel and just how much I can learn about myself from exploring one of the things I love most. Take some time to think about what you love and you'll most likely uncover a lot more about yourself than you ever would have imagined.

Photo Credit: (♥)

7 ways to travel the road to your passion

  
  (♥)
 

"Nothing great in the world has ever been accomplished without passion."

Georg Hegel

Passion is a personal thing, a journey you're on that consists of you and what you really, truly love. Passion is what makes you smile, what makes you jump for joy, what consumes your thoughts and finds it's way into your conversations without you even realizing it. It's something that means something to you, something that you cannot live without. You can be passionate about things, actions, people. You can be passionate about feelings and abstract concepts. You can be passionate about just about anything. Some people, as you've probably noticed, are more passionate than others. Some people put their whole hearts and souls into the things they care about and give 110% to things that matter to them. It's those people that I want to be like. It's those people that inspire me to pursue my passions and do what makes me truly happy.

What are you passionate about? That's the question I asked myself when I began writing this post. After all, I couldn't very well write about being passionate without first thinking about what I'm passionate about. Honestly, I'm passionate about a lot of things. I'm passionate about the people who mean a lot to me. I'm passionate about certain issues, such as gender equality and animal rights. I'm passionate about things that fascinate and intrigue me, like books and films and art. But one of the things that stands out most in my mind when I hear the word passion is writing. I love to write. I do it as often as I can and, man, do I enjoy it. At home, my shelves are stacked high with journals and spiral-bound notebooks. My computer is bursting with stories and poems and little snippets of ideas. 

Since I've started this blog, I've spent a significant amount of time writing online -- something I've discovered that I love to do. I used to love to write in my journal, to vent all of my feelings onto those blank white pages, but I've come to realize that I'm just as passionate about sharing my writing as I am about actually writing it. I used to be terrified to share anything I'd written, but the older I get, the more I want to share my words with whoever is willing to read them. It's a passion that both excites and terrifies me because I've never been much of an open person. I used to keep my childhood journals under lock and key, hiding them from my family and sometimes even sleeping with them underneath my pillow. I still have passwords of all kinds on my computer, annoying friends and family who will occasionally try to use the computer only to discover it's been locked. I'm still scared, in many ways, about putting myself fully out there, but day by day I'm getting better at letting go and really exploring my passion for writing in a more public way.

Passions aren't always easy. We may feel strongly about something, love it with all of our might, but that doesn't mean it's going to come easily to us. Some of the very best things in life take a lot of hard work and dedication. Some of the very best things in life requiring being brave and pushing ourselves beyond boundaries. For me, my passion is writing. It's the one thing I've always loved and the one thing I probably will always continue to do throughout my life. As much as I love it, it's not always easy to do and it's definitely not always easy to share it with others. Today I'm going to spend a little time talking about how I work to cultivate my passion -- and how you can too. No matter what you love to do, if you want to do it to the best of your ability you have to work on it. You have to push yourself and explore new things and challenge yourself. Here are my suggestions for how you can make the most of your life's passion:

How To Cultivate Your Passion

1. Narrow your vision. If you're anything like me, you can get excited about something and want to take every little bit of it in. When I think about writing, for example, I get very excited. I want to write a book, want to write poems, want to write blogs and articles and journal entries. I want to do it all. It's a great feeling to be that into something and to really want to dive in, but one of the best pieces of advice I can offer regarding cultivating your passion is this: narrow your focus. It can be so tempting to try to do everything and anything associated with what you love, but if you do that you'll find yourself overwhelmed and probably not doing much of anything. Start small. Figure out what you're most interested in and zero in on that. In the future, you can always expand your vision, but start off narrow for the best results. Focus is so important and it can really slip away from you when you get excited about something. If you feel completely overwhelmed and don't know where to start, make a list of the things you love about your passion and rank the items. You'll quickly discover what matters most to you and you can then take that information and focus on it.
   
   
2. Integrate it into your life.Passionate about something? Don't leave it in a corner of your house or apartment and hide it from the world. I used to say I was a writer because I was sitting at home in my apartment typing away on my computer. Yes, I was a writer, but I was a writer in hiding. I wanted to live this totally different life -- a positive life -- and yet I would sit alone and write most of the time. I still do this today, but I also work hard to share what I write with the world. I'm blogging three days a week. I'm writing guest posts for others' sites. I'm online on social media sites trying to get the word out about what I'm writing about. I'm telling friends and family about my blogs. It can be hard work (and, in my case, pretty intimidating) to share what you're passionate about with others, but the more you share and put yourself out there, the more opportunities you'll have to make your passion a big part of your life.
   
   
3. Work as hard as you can. Just as nothing great was ever accomplished without passion, nothing great was ever accomplished without hard work. If you love something, you have to work at it. You have to do it as often as you can and in as many different ways as you can (without broadening your focus too much). As much as hard work can be daunting sometimes, if you really feel passionate about something, all of the work you put into it will be worth it. For example, it takes a lot of time for me to write my blog posts and respond to comments and emails, etc. A lot of time. This sometimes takes away from other things I could be doing, like hanging out with friends or just laying around with a great book. Sometimes it's hard to put in the work, even when I love doing it. But you know what? At the end of the day, it really is worth it. When I get an email in my in-box from someone telling me that I've changed his or her life, I cannot help but be filled with happiness and pride. Nothing can compare with that feeling and it makes every hour of hard work worth it.
   
   
4. Make it tons of fun. Sometimes when people are passionate about something, they become so focused on it that they lose sight of the fun of it all. It can be easy to forget that something is actually a lot of fun if you find yourself so engrossed in it that you can think of little else. Take a step back from your passion and figure out how you can make it fun. If you become too focused, you may forget what it was that really inspired you in the first place. You love your passion for a reason and whatever it is that you feel passionate about, there has to be a way to make it fun. You have to be a little creative in some cases, but there is always a way to make something you love to do even more enjoyable. One idea would be to figure out a way to include others in your passion. Whatever you love, there are probably others out there that love it too. Find them and start a group or club. Or, even if you don't have people around you who love what you love, find a way to share it with them in a way that they can enjoy.
   
   
5. Be innovative and creative. As you're spending time on what you feel passionate about, remember two things: innovation and creation. You already have the drive and desire to talk about, think about, and work on your passion. Now you need to take it to the next level. You need to be creative and innovative. You need to think about how you can push yourself out of you comfort zone and try new things. You don't need to reinvent the wheel here. You just need to find some way to do things differently -- and that may mean differently for you. For example, I've always been interested in writing. I've done it every day for as long as I can remember. But one day I decided I was going to share it. It wasn't the most mind-blowing discovery and it probably didn't mean all that much to the few early readers of my blog, but to me it was HUGE. It was life-changing. It caused me to break out of my routines and to push myself way out of my comfort zone. It was challenging and it was (and is!) still scary, but it's been worth it. It's made me better at what I love to do and, importantly, it's held me accountable for what I do. I know there are people out there reading and that makes me want to work harder and be more creative than I would be if I were still hiding amid the documents on my computer. You can find ways to break out of your own mold. It doesn't have to be some crazy never-done-before thing. All it needs to be is something that challenges you and helps you become even more passionate about what you love.
   
   
6. Share your ideas with others. Tying in with my example above, you should know that it's really important to share what you love with others. It may be hard to do (plenty of people have quirky things they're passionate about or, like me, have some trust issues that prevent them from really wanting to share their work), but it's one of the best ways you can cultivate your passion. When I first started blogging, I was scared that no one would want to read my blog or, worse, people would read it and hate it. I never imagined I'd have the kind of positive feedback that I get constantly. I never imagined that some of the people who were reading my blog would become some of the most important people in my life. In so many ways, this blog has changed my life and if I hadn't taken a leap of faith and put myself out there, I never would have experienced some of the great things I have over the past year. It still scares me to death sometimes when I think about people reading my posts, but I do it anyway. I push myself to be better than I think I can be, even when I'm scared. And you know what? It feels good. It feels good to break out of my comfort zone and to be rewarded with such inspiring feedback. It feels good to share my thoughts with my readers and to know that somewhere out there people are reading and caring about what I have to say. You may not want to share your passion, but it's a great way to make the most of what you love.
   
   
7. Give yourself a break. Now, as much as I love to write and pretty much want to be doing it all the time, one of the best ways I've found to making the most of my passion is to take a break from it. When I first started blogging, I was online 7 days a week, blogging a new post almost every day. I was super into it and super excited about it and as the number of readers grew, so did the pressure. I felt like I had to post all of the time and I was overwhelmed. And then I realized that I needed a break. I created a new schedule so I was posting only three days a week and instantly I felt more relaxed and more able to really enjoy writing (instead of feeling pressured into it). Keep this in mind as your exploring your passion. As much as it means to you, you don't have to be doing it 24/7. You can take a break. You can take lots of breaks, in fact. And, honestly, it's important that you do so. It can be tempting to work nonstop on something you're into, but one of the best ways to make the most of your passion is to give yourself a breather and take a step back every once and awhile. You'll return refreshed and even more excited about what you love to do.  

In general, passion is something I feel passionate about. I believe everyone should have something that makes them so excited that they can't wait to do it or talk about it or share it with others. A lot of people don't have this -- but that doesn't mean they can't. I really do believe that almost everyone has something he or she is passionate about it. It's just a matter of figuring out what that thing is. One you've figured it out (and you may already know), use the ideas above to help take your passion to the next level. One step at a time, you can travel down the road of passion and bring yourself that much closer to what you love to do.

[Note: Today's post is part of Random Acts of Kick Arse (RAOKA), a group I'm very fortunate to be a part of. The group joins together every month to take part in committing random acts. Each month we have a different theme and for the month of February the theme was "passion." Check out the other members of the group here: Jungle of Life, Jane Be Nimble, Gazehound's Animal Communications, Positive Provocations, and Life, Laughs & Lemmings.]

the three shades of happiness

 (♥)  

"We all live with the objective of being happy;
our lives are all different and yet the same."

Anne Frank

Happiness is clearly a topic I like to think about a lot. I write about it nearly every day in some form on my blog. I contemplate it constantly in my daily activities, always looking for new sources of inspiration for myself and my readers. As the author of a blog focusing on positivity and living a happier life, I’ve done quite a bit of reading on happiness and I’ve discovered something very interesting amid all that I’ve observed:

There are many shades of happiness.

Happiness is not black or white. It’s not “I’m happy” or “I’m unhappy.” Happiness, in my opinion, is one of those things that can fall anywhere from the deepest happiness and inner peace to the slight increase of happiness when one looks at a pleasant image. There are so many kinds of happiness that it’s almost overwhelming to think about. I’ve recently found myself very interested in Positive Psychology (so much so, in fact, that I'm even thinking about going back to school to study it!). In looking into the subject, I came across three distinct types of happiness, each representing different types of life. Personally I believe that individuals can embody all three of these types of happiness or they can possess different shades of each, blending together into a colorful life of peace and well-being. I’m going to outline the three types of happiness here and explore them a bit by adding my own insights.

Three Shades of Happiness

1. Pleasant Life: A pleasant life consists of having as much pleasure as you can, as many of the positive emotions, and learning some of the dozen or so techniques that actually work for increasing the duration and intensity of your pleasures. There are shortcuts to the pleasures. You can go shopping; you can watch television; you can take drugs. These things do not lead to true happiness. While I do agree that instant gratification and seeking pleasure from outside sources will not bring about lasting happiness, I do think that some degree of pleasure in life is a good thing. As with everything, the pleasant life should be lived in moderation, making sure that pleasures are not substitutes for real, true joy. It is important to balance a pleasant life with the other shades of happiness. When it comes to living a pleasant life, remember to moderate yourself and not allow physical pleasures to dominate your world. 

2. Engaged Life: An engaged life is being one with the music, being totally wrapped up in the people you love or what you're hearing. There are no shortcuts to the engaged life. The engaged life can only be had by first knowing what your highest strengths are, your signature strengths, and re-crafting your life to use them at work, in love, in leisure, in parenting and in friendship. Clearly, it is very important to live an engaged life. Not only will those around you benefit from your engaged living style, but you will receive many benefits as well. When you are completely wrapped up in what’s going on around you, when you are living in the moment, you are truly living a full life. Personally, when I feel down, the first thing I want to do is disengage myself from my life and from those who love and support me. But this is the wrong action to take. No matter what, stay engaged in your life. You will ultimately find more happiness this way.

3. Meaningful Life: A meaningful life consists of again knowing what your highest strengths and talents are and using them in the service of something that you believe is bigger than you are. Living a meaningful life is so, so important. When you are living without purpose, it is difficult to know true happiness. You feel as if you’re floating, unsure of where you’re supposed to be or what direction you are going in. This is not a good feeling and it often causes a great deal of unhappiness. Taking your strengths and using them to benefit other people is one of the greatest things you can do – and this is something we can all do. Everyone has unique strengths. Think about what yours are and how you can use them to make the lives of others better. In the process, you’ll make your life better too!

As I’m sure you know there are many, many layers to happiness. These are only three types of happiness out of the many types I believe you can experience. I hope you can see how these three shades of happiness can blend together to create a happier existence. Each of us has the power to choose what shades of happiness we want to use to create the color of who we are. At times this can seem overwhelming, but it is truly wonderful that happiness comes in so many amazing, inspiring shades. Information for this post came from the article "The Three Types of Happiness." You can also find more information by visiting this site: www.authentichappiness.org. 

What do you think about these three types of happiness?
Do you see any of these in your life? Do you think there are other types?

Note: This was a guest post I wrote last June for the wonderful website Shades of Crimson. To view the  the original article, visit Shades of Crimson. If you have some time for additional reading, check out the site! And if you really have some time on your hands, check out my post from Friday: "Link Love: 50+ Articles You Should Read Now".

[love edition] words to live by: jump then fall

 
 

(♥)

I like the way you sound in the morning,

we're on the phone and without a warning

I realize your laugh is the best sound I have ever heard

 

I like the way I can't keep my focus,

I watch you talk you didn't notice

I hear the words but all I can think is we should be together

every time you smile, I smile

and every time you shine, I'll shine for you

whoa oh I'm feeling you baby

don't be afraid to jump then fall, jump then fall into me 

baby, I'm never gonna leave you,

say that you wanna be with me too

cause I'm gonna stay through it all so jump then fall

well I like the way your hair falls in your face

you got the keys to me I love each freckle on your face, oh,

I've never been so wrapped up, 

honey, I like the way you're everything I've ever wanted

I had time to think it oh-over and all I can say is come closer,

take a deep breath and jump then fall into me

every time you smile, I smile

and every time you shine, I'll shine for you

whoa oh I'm feeling you baby

don't be afraid to jump then fall, jump then fall into me 

baby, I'm never gonna leave you,

say that you wanna be with me too

cause I'm gonna stay through it all so jump then fall

the bottoms gonna drop out from under our feet

I'll catch you, I'll catch you

when people say things that bring you to your knees,

I'll catch you

the time is gonna come when you're so mad you could cry

but I'll hold you through the night until you smile

whoa oh I need you baby

don't be afraid please

jump then fall, jump then fall into me

baby, I'm never gonna leave you,

say that you wanna be with me too

cause I'm gonna through it all so jump then fall

jump then fall baby

jump then fall into me, into me

every time you smile, I smile

and every time you shine, I'll shine

and every time you're here baby, I'll show you, I'll show you

you can jump then fall, jump then fall, jump then fall into me, into me 

Taylor Swift
"Jump Then Fall" 

"Words To Live By" is a segment on Positively Present that features my favorite quote or lyrics from the week. Every Sunday I post a quote or lyrics that have inspired me with the hope that they'll inspire you too. This month I've created a special "Love Edition" of "Words To Live By," featuring lyrics from my favorite love songs. Comments will be closed on these posts, but feel free to tweet the post if you enjoy it or contact me via Twitter.

link ♥ love: 50+ articles you should read now

"The more you read, the more things you will know.
The more that you learn, the more places you'll go."

Dr. Seuss

Since I started Positively Present over a year ago, I've spent a great deal of time reading blogs and articles related to positivity and living a happier, more present life. Since today is the last post in the Positively Present Month of Love series, I thought I'd share with you all of the blog posts and articles I've fallen in love with over the course of the past year. This list by no means includes all of my favorite posts (there are just too many great ones out there!), but it's a good starting point. Enjoy the articles and feel free to share those that I missed in the comments section! 

1 Huge Step Toward Happiness

2 Steps for Improving Your Life

3 Pieces of Advice I'd Give My 18-Year-Old Self

3 Secrets for Feeling Positive About Life

3 Tips to Calm Anxiety

4 Tips for Saying "No"

4 Ways to Make Time Work for You

5 Phases of Personal Development

5 Powerful Habits that Will Change Your Life

5 Reasons to Always Be Positive

5 Ways to Be Happier

6 Steps for Finding Your True Purpose

6 Traits that Separate Winners from Whiners

6 Ways to Be Positive in Any Situation

6 Ways to Conquer Fear

7 Proven Ways to Live a Happy Life

7 Ways to Find Happiness Through Simplicity

7 Ways to Make Your Life More Meaningful

8 Helpful Ways to Deal with Critical People

8 Tips for Maintaining Friendships

8 Ways to Increase Your Joy Factor

8 Ways to Stay Present and Focused

9 Steps for Being Decisive

9 Tips for Feeling Better in a Crisis

9 Ways to Overcome Jealousy

10 Benefits of Positive Thinking

10 Tips for Navigating the Waters of Life

10 Ways to Connect with Others

10 Ways to Have Peaceful, Loving Relationships

10 Ways to Turn a Bad Mood Good

11 Questions that Lead to Gratitude

11 Simple Ways to Spread Positivity

12 Powerful Life Lessons

12 Tips to Create a Happier Workplace

13 Reasons to Stop Complaining

13 Tips for Dealing with a Lousy Day

14 Facts about Happiness

15 Questions to Discover Your Personal Mission

15 Ways to Overcome Anger

19 Tips for Cheering Yourself Up

20 Powerful Beliefs to Push You To Success

23 Phrases to Help You Fight Right

24 Tips for Being Happy at Work

25 Healthy Habits that Can Change Your Life

27 Questions to Help You Find Yourself

28 Steps to a Positive and Successful Life

39 Ways to Boost Your Mood

40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain
 
50 Simple Steps to Happiness

50 Ways to Get Over Failure

50 Ways You Can Create a Better Day

60 Ways to Become the Person You Love

70 Ideas for Enjoy Life More Today

100 Ways You Can Start Loving Yourself Right Now

101 Things Worth More Than Your Bank Account

121 Ways to Improve Your Life and Be More Awesome


I hope you take some time to go through these links and check them out. These articles have really inspired me and I know they would inspire you too. Thank you to all of the great writers who wrote these and shared their thoughts. It takes a lot of work to write and article and I love the effort these authors put in. Thank you, writers! Your work is loved!

Are there any must-read articles that I missed?
Please link to them in the comments section!

 

let go & let it in: how to stop being afraid of love

 

"The end of fear is where we begin the moment we decided to let love in
There's nothing we can do about the things we have to do without
The only way to feel again is let love in."

Goo Goo Dolls
 

If you were sitting in a room filled of people and asked, "How many of you want to be in love?" I bet you wouldn't be at all surprised if most hands in the room shot up quickly and without hesitation. Whether or not we think about it on a daily basis, love is something we all want. In fact, most things we work toward in life are based on the idea of wanting love and acceptance. We want to be successful and well-liked, but, above all, what we all really want is to be loved. However, much as we all want it, so many of us are actually really scared to get it. The way some people feel about love reminds me of the way my dog Bella acts when you give her a bone. She really wants the bone, but when you hand it to her, she won't take it. For whatever reason, she shiess away from it, looking at it warily from the corner of her eye. If you set it down on the floor, she'll run up to it and snatch it quickly, trotting it over to the couch or carpet where she promptly begins chewing. She wants the bone -- she really does -- but for some reasons she's scared of it. A lot of people are like that when it comes to love.

If you're lucky enough to be offered love, it doesn't always mean that you're going to welcome it into your life with open arms. Like my pup Bella, you may look at it from the corner of your eye, sizing it up and wondering whether or not you should take it. Why? Because you're afraid. Many, many people are afraid to love because they are afraid of getting hurt or they're afraid their not good enough or they're afraid they aren't capable of love themselves or they're afraid for reasons I've never heard of or reasons that are uniquely their own. In the past I've struggled with accepting love in my life. Like everyone, I've desperately wanted love, but, like so many, I've had difficulty letting others get close to me. Why? Because I was afraid that, inevitably, they would hurt me. Just like Bella with the bone, I was afraid of taking something I knew I wanted for fear that I would be hurt by it. (Also like Bella, once the love was left there for me to take from the safety of the floor, no longer being waved in my face, I found that I could reach down and grab it on my own, at my own pace.)

For a very long time, I was afraid of love. That doesn't mean I wasn't in love or I wasn't spending time loving others, but it does mean that during those times I was living in fear. I was loving but, at the same time, I was so afraid of losing. I held back for fear of love's loss holding me back. For me, and for many others,  letting love into my life was really difficult. It seems silly because, when you think about it, who wouldn't want love? We all want it but, for a variety of reasons, it can sometimes feel like the hardest thing in the world -- even when the love itself feels so good. I've found that letting love in can actually require you to be brave, to open up to someone else in a way that you never thought you wanted to, and to believe that you can trust another person. Doing these things can be very challenging and, positive as love can be, the potential loss of it can also be very intimidating.

Let's bring it back to Bella, shall we? Anyone who has a pet knows that, at some point, that pet is going to die. My sweet little Bella is turning six next month and that means that, quite possibly, about half her life is over. Now, that sounds like an incredibly morbid thought I know, but think about it this way: just because I know my best buddy is going to die does that mean I'm going to stop loving her and playing with her and spending as much time with her as I can? Just because I know she's going to be gone at some point (yep, my eyes are welling up already at the thought of it) and I will be heartbroken, does that mean I shouldn't allow her little awesomeness to be a part of my life? No. Knowing that I'm going to lose her, in fact,  makes me love her all the more and makes me take extra care with making the most of my time with her (what if we thought that way with all of our relationships?).

The point is: losing love sucks and I don't disagree with that for a minute. Cliche as it might be, that old quote "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" really is true. Losing love can be terrible and terrifying, but does it mean we shouldn't love? Certainly not! I understand from experience how hard it can be to open your heart and mind to the idea of love, but every second of love is worth it, even if it ends in heartache. So, when faced with the sometimes scary opportunity of letting love into your life, ask yourself these questions:

1. What do I really have to lose? It might seem like you have a lot to lose if you're considering your last heartbreak or thinking about all of those media-generated images of people who have had their hearts broken, but, really, what is it that you will lose if you actually let someone love you and it doesn't work out? You'll have to deal with some difficult times and you'll certainly feel rough at some points, but will it be the end of the world? No. You will survive and, if you hold back and don't let love in, you will have missed out on all of the wonderful things that come along with being in love. It can be very easy to focus on the negatives in any situation when you feel afraid. It can be much easier to just steer clear of anything that might potential make you feel bad, but, when you think about it logically, the good most often overrides the bad when it comes to love. 
   
   
2. What's the worst that could happen? I know a broken heart may seem like the worse thing that could happen (and, yes, it's up there in terms of pain), but will you be unable to go on if you let love in and it doesn't work out the way you planned? Nope. You'll be able to survive. As wonderful and amazing and inspiring as love is, it's not everything when it comes to life. Life is about so many things and, while love does play a big part in many aspects of life, without it you won't wither away and die. Without it, your life won't have lost it's meaning. Whatever you think the worst thing that could happen is, remember that love is better than that and it's worth the risk. Every single time.
   
   
3. What can I gain from love? Now, let's focus on the positives for a moment. Love, as anyone who has ever been in love knows, is A-W-E-S-O-M-E. It's one of the best things ever. Not only does it make you feel like a million bucks, but it also has health benefits and generally puts you in a much better, more positive, frame of mind. You can gain a lot from love. When someone in your life really loves you, that person will be there to support you. That person will stand by you and lift you up when you're feeling down. Check out the post "9 Positive Aspects of Love" to read all about how you can benefit from love. Focusing on the positives may help you to see that love really is worth the risk of heartache.
   
   
4. What am I really afraid of? When you begin with the idea that you're afraid of love (or anything for that matter), it's important to take another look at your fear and really try to understand it. Are you afraid of letting love in because you don't trust people? Are you afraid of letting love in because you don't feel as though you love yourself? Are you afraid of letting love in because you don't know if you could really love someone else? There are many reasons you might be holding back and it's important to take a look at the reasons behind your fears and try to deal with those. If you have issues with trust or self-love, for example, it's important to focus on those and work toward understanding yourself better. Once you do that, it'll be a lot easier to let love into your life.
   
   
5. How can I let go of my fears? After you determine what you're really afraid of -- and, yes, you must really learn to listen to yourself and be completely 100% honest with yourself with this one -- you can begin to figure out how you can let go of your fears and focus on the positive aspects of love (which, in reality, out weigh the negatives, though it may not always seem that way if you're in heartbreak mode). Remember: even when things don't work out, all of those good love-powered highs will have been worth it. When you love someone, it may feel like you're giving away a part of yourself, but really you're simply allowing that part of yourself to go out into the world and grow stronger. You have much more to gain than you do to lose.

Once you've given those questions some thought, I bet you'll find that it will be a lot easier to let that love in. Like Bella with her bone, you might be scared to take love when it's offered to you. You might fear it will hurt you or you will hurt others or that, for whatever reason, you don't deserve it. You might struggle with trusting others, trusting yourself, or even trusting love. But listen up! Love is amazing. It's one of the best things in the whole world and it's not every day that it comes along and shines it's bright light on your world. If you're given the chance to love and be loved, take it. No matter how difficult it is, no matter what you have to do to make it happen, let go of your fears and let love in.

Do you struggle with accepting love?
How do you let love into your life?

Photo Credit: (♥)

7 strategies for loving each and every day

 (♥)

  "No yesterdays are ever wasted for those 
who give themselves to today."

Brendan Francis

Do you wake up every morning with a grin on your face, jumping out of bed with a fresh eagerness for the day ahead? Yeah, me neither. As much as I want to be positive 24/7, it's not easy to wake up every morning and say to yourself, "I'm going to LOVE today!" Some days are just downright difficult and no matter how you look at them, the negative seems to out weight the positive. As most of us probably know, sometimes you wake to a day that can be so overwhelming that you're actually scared of it. The other day as I was searching through photos on the amazing We Heart It, I came across the image above and it caused me to pause and think about how I determined I am to love each and every day. I had to ask myself, "Am I really that determined to love each and every day? Or do I settle into that fear sometimes, really letting negativity about the day's events get the best of me?" As much as I want to start every day off with the hope and cheerful notion that it will be a day I love, that's not always the easiest thing to do when faced with some of life's challenges. 

There's no getting around the fact that every single day won't be lovable. Life is challenging and there are simply going to be days that cannot be labeled "great" -- but that doesn't mean we shouldn't give it our best shot to try to love each and every day. I think it's perfectly okay to realize that not every day will be great -- or even good -- but I don't think it's okay not to at least give every day a chance. I'm not sure about you, but I've definitely had some days that seemed like they would be awful and then transformed into some of the best days I've ever had. Life is unpredictable like that and it's hard to know what's going to happen in a single day. As many of you probably know, a single moment can turn your life around and it only takes a second for day to turn from god-awful to glorious (and, yes, it can go the other way too, but let's focus on the positive since this is a blog about positivity). As many of you also probably know, attitude has a lot to do with your day. If you start off with the belief that a day is going to suck, you'll quickly realize that the day actually does suck. However, if you start off with the attitude that your day is going to kick ass... well, you just might find that it does. 

I'm not going to pretend that every day can be fabulous if you just have the right attitude. Sometimes terrible things happen that are out of our control. Sometimes we just don't feel like things are going right and sometimes a bad-mood funk can suck the life out of even the most promising days. We can't make every day perfect, but we can give it the best head-start possible. It's just like that "breakfast is the most important meal of the day" idea. What you eat for breakfast won't necessarily determine what you'll eat the rest of the day, but more often than not, if you eat a healthy breakfast you'll eat a healthy lunch and dinner too. That's what we need to think about when we're starting our days. Sure, even if we have a positive attitude at the beginning of the day, we might consume some negativity later on. But it's a lot more likely that we'll keep gobbling up that healthy positivity if we start the day off with the right mindset. 

7 Ways to Start Off (and Love!) Your Day 

1. Be grateful. One of the best ways to start off your day on the right foot is to begin your day by thinking about the things you're grateful for. It's not always easy to do this if you're in a bad mood or you have some difficult activities to look forward to that day, but taking a few moments to be thankful for what is going well in your life is an excellent way to dive into the day with a positive attitude. If you like writing, it might be helpful to keep a little journal beside your bed and jot down the things that you're grateful for when you wake up in the morning. If you're not the writing kind, just thinking about the things that you're thankful for as you're opening your eyes and starting the day is a great way to start things off right. 

2. Be energized. It can be hard to start off the day right if you're not feeling full of energy. When you're tired or dragging, it's going to be difficult to be positive. I know first hand that when I'm not well-rested, I definitely feel like my mood worsens. So, in order to start of the day energized, make sure you get the right amount of rest (not too much or too little, Goldilocks!), eat healthy foods every day, drink lots and lots of water, and exercise (yeah, I need to work on that one...). If you treat your body right, you're more likely to be starting your days off with a lot of energy. Another way to start off your day with energy is to try your best to end your day with positive thoughts and images. When you're getting ready for bed, try to focus on the good things that happened that day and try to watch/read things that are positive. You can do a lot of preparing the day before to wake up energized and refreshed so get started now!                                                                                                                      

3. Be mindful. Being present is one of the best ways to love every day. When you're living in the moment, you're not stressing about the future and you're not dwelling on the past. And one of the best ways to be present is to be mindful. Being mindful can be difficult, especially if you're not super excited about whatever you're engaging in on any particular day, but if you make the extra effort to look around you -- to really, truly pay attention to your life and all that surrounds you -- you'll find that your days seem a lot more exciting. And a lot easier to love. Mindfulness and being very aware of what's happening around you keeps you present and helps to keep unnecessary stress from your mind. Pay attention to everything, even the littlest details, and you'll find that every day is worth loving. 

4. Be realistic. When you start your day, you might be overcome with ideas of what you think the day will -- or should -- entail. So often we place expectations on our days -- good or bad -- and so often these expectations aren't realistic. How often have you thought a day would be the worst ever or anticipated that your day would be absolutely fantastic? It's great to have an idea of what your day is going to be like, but it's not so great to be projecting generalizations on your day. It can be very tempting to think things like, "This day is going to be terrible" or "This is going to be the worst day ever," but it's pretty unlikely that things will go as drastically as you've made out in your head. When you really start to think about something realistically, you'll probably realize that things won't be as bad as you think they will be. Be realistic about what your day will entail and you'll most likely be able to handle whatever comes your way. Realize that most things aren't the end of the world and you'll be much more likely to face your challenges head on.  

5. Be open. Just think about the number of times you've started off a day thinking you knew exactly how it would go only to find out that it unveiled itself in an entirely unpredictable way. Life throws us some pretty crazy curve balls and one of the hardest things to do sometimes is to just let those curve balls come right at us. There are a lot of things in any given day that our out of our control. Sometimes this can be one of the hardest things to deal with in terms of loving your day, and that's why it's important to be open. Be open to the idea that anything can happen and that anything that may happen might actually be good. I know things have happened to me that I didn't understand at the time, but that ended up being really great for me. Be open to new experiences and be open to the idea that any day has the potential to be a great day and you're a lot more likely to enjoy your days a whole lot more. 

6. Be hopeful. Along with being open, you also want to start off every day with a healthy dose of hope. Some days this is so easy. It can be so easy when things are going well to believe that they'll keep going well, but then there are those days when hope seems like something you dreamt about once as a child. There are days when hope seems as likely as a fairy tale. And those are the days you need hope the most. When you wake and think the day is going to be awful, remember to have hope. Any day can transform into the best day -- even when it seems completely beyond the realm of possibility. Life is so very unpredictable and I've never, ever been able to 100% predict what would happen to me on any given day. So when a day seems destined for dismal, take a moment and indulge in a little hope. It might sound silly or cliche, but there's nothing like hope to get your day rolling in the right direction. No matter how much you think you're going to hate your day, wake up and have hope because you never, ever know what the day will bring. 

7. Be determined. As the quote in the image above says, you have to be determined. You have to really want to love every day. If you don't, you won't. It's just that simple. Waking up happily and cheerfully every single morning might sound like a bit much to ask for, but you can wake up believing that your day will hold something magical and unexpected. You always have the opportunity to choice a positive outlook (even when it feels like the hardest thing in the world to do), but when it comes to loving each day, you have to be determined. You have to really want it and you have to make an effort. This is a very hard thing to do and I can't say that I've mastered it yet, but I want to. I want to love every day as if it's my last day and even though I'm not at that point yet, I have hope that I someday can be that person. Determination is key when it comes to numbers 1-6. Without determination, it's going to very hard to do any of the things above when you're facing a really hard day, but if you're determined you have the power to do anything -- including love every day you're alive. 

Following these seven strategies won't always be easy. In fact, if you're anything like me, most days it'll be harder than it would seem. But if you try them and you are determined to love your days, I know you (and I!) can do it. Life's too short not to love every day you're alive, but I think we often forget to love our days. Too often we forget that this life isn't a given and that even when we're in a slump or a funk or a place of pain, we're all pretty lucky to be here. Every day you must wake and you must go on with your life so why not make an effort to love it? 

[love edition] words to live by: first day of my life

 (♥)

 

This is the first day of my life

Swear I was born right in the doorway

I went out in the rain

Suddenly everything changed 

They're spreadin' blankets on the beach

Yours is the first face that I saw

Think I was blind before I met you 

I don't know where I am

I don't know where I've been

But I know where I want to go

So I thought I'd let you know

That these things take forever

I especially am slow

But I realized that I need you

And I wondered if I could come home

I remember the time you drove all night

Just to meet me in the morning

And I thought it was strange

You said everything changed

You felt as if you'd just woke up

And you said,

This is the first day of my life,

Glad I didn't die before I met you

But now I don't care I could go anywhere with you

And I'd probably be happy.

So if you wanna be with me

With these things there's no telling 

We'll just have to wait and see

But I'd rather be working for a paycheck 

Than waiting to win the lottery

Besides maybe this time it's different

I mean I really think you'll like me...

Bright Eyes
"First Day of My Life"

"Words To Live By" is a segment on Positively Present that features my favorite quote or lyrics from the week. Every Sunday I post a quote or lyrics that have inspired me with the hope that they'll inspire you too. This month I've created a special "Love Edition" of "Words To Live By," featuring lyrics from my favorite love songs. Comments will be closed on these posts, but feel free to tweet the post if you enjoy it or contact me via Twitter.