blueprints for a life: 10 lessons my dad taught me

 

 


A dad is someone who
wants to catch you before you fall
but instead picks you up,
brushes you off,
and lets you try again.

A dad is someone who
wants to keep you from making mistakes
but instead lets you find your own way,
even though his heart breaks in silence
when you get hurt.

A dad is someone who
holds you when you cry,
scolds you when you break the rules,
shines with pride when you succeed,
and has faith in you even when you fail.

Unknown

 

My dad is all of those things above and more. Like many daughters, I have a very special relationship with my dad. In many ways I connect with him on levels that other people don't get. We find similar things funny. We enjoy similar films. We both love to read (though not always the same things) and have a passion for the written word. My dad is, in many ways, an inspiration for me. Over the past twenty-five years, he has taught me more than he has any idea. He's helped me, in so many ways, to be come the person I am today. I'm still a work-in-progress, but a lot what I'm proud of -- the good traits about me -- I owe to my dad.

As an engineer, my dad is always hunched over blueprints, drawing perfectly straight lines and calculating things I cannot even fathom (math is not my strong suit). My dad works on designing foundations, laying the groundwork for large, commercial buildings. In my life, my dad has been laying the groundwork for a long, long time (probably since before I was born!), and I've been so lucky to have had him for for a father, as someone who was laying the foundation for the person I've become (and am still becoming).

I've learned so much from the foundation my dad has set up for me. For those of you who don't know my dad (and that's probably most of you), he's an amazing guy. Seriously. I know everyone probably thinks their dad is awesome, but mine really is. When I think about him and what he's accomplished in his life, I couldn't be more impressed and inspired. Looking to him and what he's done makes me want to be a better, hard-working, dedicated person. Watching my dad -- whether it's while he's reading a book or building a business from scratch -- is always an enlightening experience. Sometimes I cannot believe how lucky I've been to have arrived in this world as his daughter.

Like most young ladies, my dad has taught me a lot of things. No, I'm not just talking about how to ride a bike or drive a car or figure out a tricky math problem (though he has taught me those things...though I bet he'd be quick to deny the driving one considering my current driving skills...). What I've learned from my dad goes so much deeper than physical things. My dad has taught -- and continues to teach -- me more about life than almost anyone, and I bet he doesn't even know it! So, Dad, this post is for you. You've taught me so much and I want the world (or, at least, the readers of my blog) to know it. More importantly, I want YOU to know how thankful I am that you are my father. I am so lucky to have you and I hope you know that.

My dad may be a great engineer, but his skills extend far beyond that. He's a great dad as well. So here it is... a list of all of the wonderful things my dad has taught me, all adding up to the foundation of where I came from and providing some of the building blocks for who I am today.

 

10 Lessons I've Learned From My Dad

1. Hard work pays off. My dad is one of the hardest working people I know. He is dedicated to his job (he has to be since he owns the company) and he's committed to doing the best job he can. In order to get where he is today, he had to go to school much longer than many of his peers. He had to work hard to become an engineer. And, from there, he took it one step further when he started his own company. Anyone who has launched a company knows that it's not easy. It requires a LOT of hard work, dedication, and discipline, all of which my dad possesses. I consider myself a hard worker, but no one works as hard as my dad. He is an inspiration to me. When I feel like giving up, or not taking that next step, I think about him and how hard he's worked to get to where he is to today. Having watched him work hard, seven days a week, for my entire life, I cannot but be moved and motivated by his dedication.
   
   
2. Reading is cool. Most of you reading this are probably pretty down with reading (after all, you're reading right now!), but I don't know if I ever would have developed my intense love for reading if it weren't for my dad. He loves to read and does it most of the time that he's not working. He's always interested in learning, uncovering new books, and revisiting the classics. Whenever I see him sitting on the couch, book propped up on the pillow on his lap, I'm reminded of how much my love of reading comes from him. I'm not sure if it's hereditary or learned or what, but I know there is a strong connection between my desire to read and my dad's love a books. Lover of the written word (like me!), my dad even wrote a book, which was truly inspiring for me. When I was working on a novel last November for National Novel Writing Month, I kept thinking back to my dad's ability to write and publish a book and I found tremendous inspiration in that. Considering that reading and writing are two of my favorite activities and I have my dad to thank for that, I cannot leave out of this post what a great inspiration my dad has been in my literary life. He has shown me what the joy of reading is all about and for that I will be forever grateful.
   
   
3. Organization makes life easier. Other than me, my dad is the most organized person I know. I'm not sure if I learned this skill from him or inherited it, but I am so grateful that my dad has pointed my life in an organized direction. Not only do I actually enjoy being organized (last year I even considered starting my own organizing company!), but I find that it makes my life a LOT better. Seriously. I cannot tell you how much time, energy, and stress I've saved myself over the years simply by living in organized environments. My dad and I both appreciate the value of an organized desk drawer (you won't find any junk drawers in our offices!). We both understand that organization simplifies things, keeps things orderly, and generally makes life more enjoyable. That being said, I do think my dad and I tend to be overly organized at times, which might drive others a bit nuts. Sometimes I wish I could just go with the flow a bit more and let things be messy, but, if I had to choose, I'd rather be organized and suffer from a little OCD than deal with a messy, unorganized life. I look up to my dad in terms of how I've learned to organize my things and a lot the ideas I implement on a daily basis come from him. Thanks, dad, for making my world a more orderly place!
   
   
4. Being prepared saves time. Tying in with Lesson #3 is this point. When you're prepared, you're less stressed and you often save a LOT of time. My dad is one of the most prepared people I know, and he's raised me to be that way to. He always has coins in his car to pay meters and tolls (me too). He never is umbrella-less (usually me too). He knows where flashlights and batteries are in an emergency (me too). He knows how to read a map like a pro (definitely not me but I luckily have Map Quest and a GPS for that!). He never runs out of gas (me too). He stocks up on salt before the day before a snow storm (I bet I would if I needed to). These are only a few examples of ways my dad is the best at being prepared. From him I've learned to always have directions, extra money, and an idea of where you're going. I've learned to make lists before trips and make sure I have everything I need (I'm not sure if he does the actual list, but he rarely forgets anything when traveling to a meeting or a vacation). Without learning these skills from my dad, I probably wouldn't be as prepared as I usually am. For example, I am always in need of a pen (as a writer, things are always coming to mind and, as a list keeper, new lists are always being drafted in my head). I truly believe that it's due to my father's prepared nature that I always remember to have a pen with me. I have them in the car, in my purse, at any place in my apartment I might need one. This is a small example, but it's important. My dad has set an example for me. He's shown me that being prepared is always better than being unprepared (even if this means being overly prepared) and, because of this, I've learned to prepare myself so that my stress level is lower and my time is well-spent.
   
   
5. Sacrificing for others is rewarding. As one of the most generous people I know (along with my mom), my dad has always put his family first. Never once in my entire twenty-five years have I seen my dad put his needs above the the needs of me, my sister, or my mom. Though my dad enjoys nice things and has quite a few of them, he has never caused the family to sacrifice so that he could have what he wanted. He always puts our needs and wants first and, to me, that's amazing. I cannot even fathom being as unselfish as my father has been. He has given so much to me and my sister -- private schools, college educations, new cars, designer clothes, hundreds of books, almost every thing we ever asked for -- and rarely asks for anything in return. My dad is all about giving. Not only does he give to my family, but he gives back to those who work for him. Though I've never worked for him (can't quite imagine me on a construction site...), I've seen the way he treats his employees. He is a kind-hearted, fair, and understanding boss who gives and gives to those employees who have stuck by him for years and years. So, not only is he a generous and kind dad, but he's also giving to others outside of our family. My dad has inspired me to give back to the world without asking anything in return. Though I'm not all that great at this yet (I'm still learning!), every time I think of the way my dad lives his life -- working so hard every day so our family can live well-above-average lives without asking for very much for himself -- I am in awe. How can someone work so hard, have so much dedication, and not want to selfishly keep all of the profits for himself and the fulfillment of his own desires? Sometimes it truly baffles my mind. Though I do my best to give to others, I don't know if I will ever be as generous as my father is. But that's something to aspire to and I am so grateful to have him as a source of inspiration, as a role model for self-sacrifice.
   
   
6. Forgiveness is essential. Over the course of my life, I've done many, many things that have made my dad angry.  (Okay, maybe not that many but quite a few!) Whether I was trying to kill my sister or stealing from his liquor cabinet or getting in trouble at school (or with the law!), my dad had many very good reasons to be angry with me. I haven't always been kind to him (or others...especially my poor little sis). I haven't always made the right choices. (In fact, over and over again I've made the very wrong choices.) I haven't always treated him with the respect he deserves or given him the love he should receive from a daughter. But no matter what -- and there have been a lot of very unpleasant "whats" in my past -- my dad has forgiven me. Whether it was a harsh comment or a shock-and awe disappointment, my dad has always, always forgiven me. Most importantly, he's always given me an opportunity to apologize, to step forward and say "I'm sorry." Not everyone would do this. Not every parent (or person) would accept apologies for some of the things I've done. But he always has. I cannot say enough how lucky I am to have a father that respects me as a person and realizes that, as a person, I will make mistakes. Big mistakes. Small mistakes. Lots of mistakes. He may not always have been happy with my choices, but he's always forgiven me for the things I've done wrong. His love for me is bigger than any mistake I could make and I cannot accurately express how fortunate that makes me feel.
   
   
7. Dispense wisdom freely and listen to the wisdom of others. I'm sure you're going to disagree (and think it's your dad), but my dad is seriously the smartest guy I know. Not only is he smart in the business sense (having built a very successful company from nothing), not only is he smart in the book sense (how could he not be, being very well-educated AND being an avid reader!), but he's also very wise. What do I mean when I write "wise"? I mean that he's street smart. He knows about life. He has ideas about what it means to be a person, to be living in this world. Some of best, most interesting conversations I've had in my life have been with my dad. Even if they haven't been the longest conversations in the world, they have definitely been some of the most thought-provoking. My dad is always willing to share his wisdom with me (and not in that annoying know-it-all way either). What's great about my dad is that he doesn't claim to know it all. He doesn't sit back and assume he's right when it comes to the big issues. He shares what he knows, sticks to his beliefs, but is always, always willing to listen to what I have to say. I don't know about you, but I think that's one of the most important things a parent can do -- carrying on a dialog with their child. My dad has been and still is great about that. He teaches me things -- wonderful, important, necessary things -- but he's also willing to learn from me too. Swapping insights with my dad is one of my life's greatest pleasures and I hope that many of you have dads that are as wise as my father is.
   
   
8. Unconditional love is the best kind. One thing I've learned from both of my parents -- something that will stay with me forever -- is the concept of unconditional love. No matter what phase I'm going through (and I've been through many), no matter what I look like (awkward stage! yikes!), no matter who I'm dating (some not-so-great choices), no matter what I've said (shocking, rude, flat-out wrong), no matter what I do (oh, all of those mistakes!), my dad loves me. NO MATTER WHAT. This, to me, is pretty darn amazing. I've been in love quite a few times and never have I felt that unconditional love (for someone else or in return). There is something about a good, healthy parent-child bond that surrounds itself with unconditional love. My dad has had to deal with a lot of conditions when it comes to me -- a lot of which no dad would want to deal with or listen to or even think about -- but my dad has loved me through it all. Even when I know I've disappointed him, even when I know I've let him down terribly, I've never once questioned his love for me. And isn't that the best? It's such a great feeling to know that, no matter who I am, my dad will love me. Not everyone is as lucky as me. Unconditional love should be required in order to be a parent, but, sadly, it's not. Many children grow up in homes where they are not always loved, where their actions can affect how much a parent cares for them. I am so thankful to have been raised by two wonderful, loving parents. No matter what I do (or have done), my dad loves me. And I hope he knows that, no matter what he's done or said, I love him unconditionally. Always.
   
   
9. Perseverance is a must. Not only is my dad a hard worker and very successful at what he does, but he's also had to overcome some tough battles in his life. I won't go into all of the details here since it is his life and maybe not something he wants broadcast on my blog, but I'll tell you this: my dad knows how to persevere. There are many situations in his life (some I was around for, some before my time) where, if I'd been in his shoes, I would have thrown up my hands and said, "Forget it! I can't deal with this!" My dad has faced a lot and risen above a lot of very difficult situations -- some of which most of us will never have to face -- and he's done this with determination and an amazingly strong sense of who he is. My dad has to deal with a lot of stress in his job and he could easily give up on all of his hard work, but he doesn't. He keeps going, keeps working, keeps taking on jobs. It is for this reason that he is so successful. He sticks with it. He finds ways to deal with the hard times and he moves forward. This is a lot easier said than done. If I'd had to deal with some of the things my dad's had to deal with, I don't know how I would handle it. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't do it as well as he has, which is why he's such an inspiration to me. When I feel like I'm going through a tough time, I think about my dad and all that he's been through and overcome. He's a great source of inspiration for me, reminding me every day that every challenge is a chance to grow stronger, better, and more successful.
   
   
10. Taking risks can pay off big time. Those of you who know my dad might not automatically think of him as a risk-taker. He comes off as more of a play-it-safe type of guy. However, in started his own business he took a big risk. He had very little money in savings and a baby (me!) on the way when he and a partner broke away from the company they were working for. It would have been a lot easier to keep a steady job, to stay where he was, but he took a risk. And it paid off. He's now a very successful business owner who inspires his daughter immensely. This took a lot of hard work and a lot of years (some of them painful) to get to this point. However, it all started with a risk. He could have continued to work for others and probably would have been great at doing that too, but he had a vision, an idea, and he went with it. He took another risk when he separated from his partner and went solo with his company. This was probably risky as well, but it has paid off for him. It's hard to take risks. I often want to be safe, make sure I'm thinking things through (at least, when it comes to my career), but then I remember what my dad did and I realized that taking risks can be really awesome in the long run. I can't stay that I've taken any big career risks yet, but it's only a matter of time before I follow in my father's footsteps... Thanks, Dad, for blazin' the trail. I've had a great role model to look up to and I couldn't be more grateful for that.

If you didn't notice by now, I have a pretty great dad. I'm really grateful that he's my father and I cannot imagine what my life would have been like without him to challenge, encourage, support, love, and believe in me. Not only is he a great dad, but he's a great person too. He has so many qualities that I admire and all the time I see the good parts of him coming out in me. More and more, I see how I've taken the things I admire in him and tried to cultivate those traits and skills in myself. I'm so fortunate to have a dad that possesses great qualities, that gives me something to look up to and look forward to becoming. Thank you, Dad, for everything you do, everything you've done, and everything you don't even know you've done. You've laid the foundation for the person I've become and every time I look at the blueprints of my life, I see a little bit of you in everything. You are such an inspiration to me and you have made my world -- and the world in general -- a better place just by being you. I love you!

Comments

[Karen Chaffee]

Your Dad has taught you things that will serve you well your whole life. I miss mine to this day, and it has been 14 yrs. since he passed away. Thank God for our memories and for lessons learned that cannot be taken away :)

Karen

[Positively Present]

Karen - Thanks for the comment. My dad has taught me a lot of wonderful things and I'm so lucky to have him in my life. I'm glad that you have fond memories and lessons that stick with you.

[sara]

What a lovely post.

I also have a great dad, and I have told him many times and also written him the odd letter or two.

Daughters and Dads have an opportunity for such a special relationship. At this moment, my husband is snuggled on the couch with our 7 year old daughter doing reading, Dr Seuss The Bears Holiday. He's working now on that great relationship, as they dont just happen. As we all know, its like building a house.... brick by brick.

Thanks for that. Has your dad read it yet?

[Jewel/Pink Ink]

Your dad sounds wonderful. What a legacy he has with you!

I esp. admire the last one, although risk-taking and engineer-type seem like opposites :-). He certainly set the trail ablaze for you.

[Barbara Swafford]

Hi Dani,

Your Dad is a very wise man. And, I'm guessing he's very proud to have you as a daughter.

May his Father's Day be one of the best ones yet.

[Lance]

Hi Dani,
Wonderful tribute to your father. I can tell how much you love him, and what he means to you. I would also say that he's done a wonderful job (along with your mother) of raising you into the bright and caring young lady you are today. Actions speaks louder than words - and that's evidenced here by who you've become, Dani - a reflection on the important role he has played in guiding you to where you are today.

[Megan Bord]

What a beautiful post. Thanks for taking time out to let us "know" your dad in some small way.

[Positively Present]

Sara - I'm so glad to hear that you have a great dad as well. It's such a lucky thing to have. That's so cute about your husband and daughter. Reading to her! How cute! It sounds like he's on the right path to becoming a great dad and I hope they have a great relationship with one another. I don't think my dad has read it yet, but I'm sure he will when he wakes up. I'm off to get him some of his favorite handmade donuts from a local shop now... :)

Jewel - He IS pretty wonderful! :) I'm so lucky to have him. The risk-taking is definitely not fitting with his engineer-like personality, but it just goes to show that we don't have to fit perfectly into whatever box society tries to put us in!

Barbara - I hope he enjoys the post and that it makes it one of the best Father's Days for him. I'm very fortunate to have him in my life!

Lance - Thanks for your kind comment. :) It made me very happy to read that right after I woke this morning so thank you! Both of my parents have played huge roles in making me the person I am today and I'm so grateful that I've had them as loving, supportive, encouraging guides.

[Syd]

Great post. Those are things that you learned that shaped your character. Thanks for sharing about your dad.

[alex - unleash reality]

Hey Dani!

really inspiring stuff. the lessons were really great and worked well together but more than that was cool to read your introduction about it... about learning them and the foundation set up for you by your dad.

i think number 3 and 4 are greeeeat advice. very fatherly advice too :)

number 6 too. not typical self-helpy or productivity advice but so key. especially forgiveness of yourself. incredibly liberating.

great stuff.
gave it a stumble

keep well
alex - unleash reality

[Relax]

Happy father's day!

You're lucky to have a great dad.
I think I can relate myself to your dad's story.
I'm an engineer and my brother founded an engineering company. The lessons mentioned here clicks very well with my own values. :)

[Hayden Tompkins]

Oh, Happy Father's Day Dani! It is wonderful to see a healthy and supportive Father/Daughter relationship. Hope you all get to spend today together. :)

[Positively Present]

Megan - You're welcome! I'm glad you liked the post.

Syd - Thanks for the comment. My dad has definitely helped to shape my character in many ways!

Alex - Thanks for the stumble! :) My dad has taught me so many things and I to agree with you that numbers 3, 4, and 6 are some of the most important and useful things I've learned.

Relax - Yes, I am very lucky to have such a great dad. I'm glad you can relate to the post from an engineer's perspective!

Hayden - I'm so lucky to have a relationship with my dad (some people don't have this) and to have learned so much from him. I just spent some time with him, bringing him some delicious donuts (his favorites!) and it was great.

[Jen Trinque]

That was beautiful! Your dad is lucky to have you as a daughter, too!

[Positively Present]

Jen - Thank you! I'm glad you liked the post and thanks for the compliment about my dad being lucky to have me. :) We are both lucky!

[enthusiasticjen]

hi Dani,

Deeply touched by your awesome Dad! Your dad truly inspires you, you truly inspire me & the society with your great work. You know, I have benefit so much from each of your great post even you are so young. Now I know who shape you to become such an awesome bright young lady - the great dad behind =)

Keep up your good work, it seems like I start getting addicted with your writing!! Hope to see you publish some great books soon ya

cheers, jen

[Positively Present]

Jen - I'm so glad that you liked this post and that you're inspired by my writing. That makes me SO happy to hear (and I'm sure it would make my dad happy too!). I'm working on a book right now so hopefully you'll have even more to read soon! :)

[suzen]

A great blueprint! How fortunate to have a father that taught you so many essentials! Great post!

[The Exception]

What a wonderful tribute to your dad. My dad was my best friend growing up - and he still is. There is no one quite like my dad and I can't imagine who I would be without him!

[Celes]

Hey Dani, this is a really lovely post. It's amazing the kind of relationship you have with your Dad. I'm not as close with my own dad or my mom, but we love each other all the same though. I hope you had a terrific father's day celebration with him!

[Positively Present]

Suzen - Thank you! You're right. I'm very fortunate to have a dad like mine.

The Exception - That's awesome that you have a great relationship with your dad. It's such a great thing to have!

Celes - Thanks for the comment. Though we have our differences at times, I'm very close with both of my parents and I'm grateful for that. :)

[Ruby]

This is such a beautiful tribute to your Dad. Are you going to show it to him? It is the sort of thing that would be priceless to a parent. Parents don't often get the accolades they deserve. What a great job he did raising such a compassionate, insightful child...

[J.D. Meier]

I really like the lesson of perseverance. My Dad taught me that young and it's probably one of my most important skills.

[Sunny Jamiel]

Amazing dad of an amazing daughter with an amazing grateful attitude. I'm sure your dad is proud of you to learn the true lessons of life from him.

[Positively Present]

Ruby - Oh, yes, my dad read it yesterday and LOVED it. I got a big hug and a teary-eyed response to this one. I really try to let my parents know how much they mean to me, but I think a long tribute like this is even better than the little cards/gifts I give them.

J.D. - I agree. Perserverance is SUCH an important skill. I need to work on developing it even more in myself and taking a good look at my dad for inspiration.

Sunny - AWWWWW, thank you! :) What a nice comment!! Thanks so much!

[Vi]

What a beautiful post! I'm so happy for you that you have such a wonderful, loving relationship with your dad. I hope that you two shared a nice Father's Day yesterday.

[Positively Present]

Vi - Thank you! We definitely had a nice little celebration.

[Sunita]

I am from Kerala,India now living in Bangalore. Your words are the Exact description of my Father (Daddy). I owe everything I am to him.
My dad is also an engineer ,now retired. A selfless man of Humble needs but really gargantuan impeccable values .
Isn,t it wonderful that there are so many of us in this world -so far aprt but so basically alike --irrrespective of where we were born, what we look like or what our faith is?

We are all the same --the same feeling --and we look up at the same values and same wonderful relationships .

Thank You

[Positively Present]

Sunita - I'm so happy you found this post and could relate to it! It sounds like our dads are very similiar and it really is amazing to hear of someone who has had such a similar experience with her father. Thank YOU for leaving a comment about this post! :)