"It's not what we eat but what we digest that makes us strong;
not what we gain but what we save that makes us rich;
not what we read but what we remember that makes us learned;
and not what we profess but what we practice that gives us integrity."
Francis Bacon
During my weekly therapy session this week, the topic of integrity came up. "What is integrity?" my therapist asked me. I stared blankly at her. I knew what it was. At least I thought I did...Immediately after our session, I rushed back to work and Googled "integrity." Of course I came across some of the most interesting things...The first thing I stumbled upon was the definition of the word. According to Merriam-Webster's online dictionary, integrity is: (1) adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values; (2) an unimpaired condition; (3) the quality or state of being complete or undivided. Hmmm...not quite what came to mind when I thought about integrity. I decided to give WikiAnswers a shot. Here are some of the ideas others posted when asked the question "What is integrity?":
"Integrity is a very nice balance of self respect and confidence. Integrity comes from the Greek words 'integritas' and 'integra' meaning whole. It enters into any aspect of one's life. It's belief system without faltering no matter how dangerous, how unpopular the person makes themselves to others. Integrity includes: sincerity, keeping one's word and agreements, honesty, truthfulness, ethics, fairness and justice, punctuality and never faltering in what one believes in. Integrity is keeping your good name/character (assuming that it is good). Integrity is having values, being consistent with one's values or belief system, not wavering due to outside influences, standing strong in how one should live and believe. Integrity is always doing the right thing even when no one else is looking. Integrity refers to wholeness as a human being. It means that you have developed into a person whose thoughts, words, and actions are congruent, and therefore do not conflict with each other."
After reading those points I now have a better understanding of what integrity means, both in a literal sense and a general sense. I feel like I have a handle on understanding it now, but does that mean I have it? I'll be honest: I think I possess integrity in certain situations. In others, I seem to take my integrity and chuck it out the window. Every day I'm learning more who I am and who I want to be and I can say for certain that I want to be a person with a lot of integrity. To me, being a person with integrity means being a good person. But what is a "good" person? The word is so subjective. The world is so subjective as well. It's hard to know what "good" really means in relation to a person's integrity. So instead of trying to be a good person, I'm going to work on being a G.O.O.D. person. What is a G.O.O.D. person, exactly? Well, if you want to know more it looks like you'll just have to keep on reading!
A G.O.O.D. Person Is...
Genuinely interested in giving to others. Most people would probably say they are giving, but are they really? Do they put the needs of others before their own desires (or, at least, in line with their own needs)? Having a genuine interest in the lives of others is one of the surest signs of good character that I've ever seen. It says a lot about a person when s/he listens, gives, cares, and needs other people. Giving is not always about money or even time. Giving is also about putting in mental effort to one's own beliefs and core values so that one can make a better, bigger difference in the lives of others. Being content with oneself and having a clear understanding of what one believes in is actually a form of giving to others. When you work to become right with who you are, to know who you are and believe in that person, you are giving back to the world. For example, the happier I become as a person (yes, it's happening...slowly but surely...), the more positive energy I give off to the world. I smile more. I laugh more. I hug more. I interact more with other people. These are small gifts to the world, but they can, when added up, have a huge impact on the lives of others. These little things are things we can all do to make the world a better place, to live lives as G.O.O.D. people.
Open-minded to opportunity. While a person with integrity should define and stay true to his or her beliefs, a person with integrity is not limited by these beliefs. They should be the foundations of that person but they are foundations that can be built upon. When I think of the word "integrity," what immediately pops into my mind is a boring, rigid, reliable person. Who wants to be that? Not me (well, except for the reliable part). I want to be interesting, exciting, and flexible. I want to be able to build upon the structure of beliefs that I believe are my foundation, and I want to be able to do this while still keeping my integrity. Is that possible? Yes, I believe it is. It's possible to have standards and values and to keep those in mind in everything you do while still being open to new opportunities and ideas. It's so important to stay true to yourself while also being open to others' ideas. If we aren't living open-minded lives, we're forced into tiny boxes of our own beliefs, which may not always be the best ones. I really believe that a G.O.O.D. person is an open-minded person.
One with his/her self and the world. To me, good people are those who see the big picture, who know that life is about more than their own selfish needs. These types of people, sadly, are not all that easy to come by. For example, last night I was on the Metro (the subway system in Washington DC) on my way to see Beyonce perform and, as luck would have it there was also a Nationals (baseball) game going on at the same time. This means the Metro was very crowded. Everyone was squished together and it was not pleasant. When a man in a wheelchair entered the train I was on, everyone was forced to move even closer together (drawing some serious looks of annoyance from some people). At one stop many people were getting off to attend the concert or go to the game and were pushing the man in the wheelchair and exclaiming things that implied their desire for him to move. Personally, this was one of the most selfish things I've witnessed. No one stopped to think about what it might have been like to have been him, probably feeling bad for blocking the way. Everyone was concerned with his or her own plans and destinations. Someone with a sense of self and a good, honest understanding of how s/he fits in the world around him/her would never have acted the way these people acted. Being G.O.O.D. means being able to see that the world is about more than what's going on in your body and its immediate surroundings. It means seeing the world as a whole, as something you are part of (rather than something you're the center of), which isn't always easy.
Dedicated to making life meaningful. Life is meant to be lived with a purpose, with meaning. (At least, that's what I believe.) I also believe that everyone's purpose or meaning for life is unique. Your life's meaning could come from your profession, from your children, from your contributions to your community. Your life's meaning could come from your art, from your spouse, from your volunteer work. In fact, your meaning could come from all of these things at once. Your life is unique to you, and you have to be dedicated to that life in order to be truly G.O.O.D. Life is a gift and it is one we all too easily accept greedily, expecting it and demanding it. But a person with true integrity recognizes the value not only of his/her meaning, but the value of the lives of others. A person with integrity stays true to his/her purpose without devaluing the purpose of another's life. A person with integrity knows what his/her purpose is and works toward it without trampling on the lives of others. This is not always easy to do when presented with a situation that forces you to choose between meeting a goal and damaging someone's goal. A lot of people choose themselves. A lot of people avoid, hurt, cheat, lie, steal, and deceive to get what it is that they want. Not a person with integrity. No, a G.O.O.D. person works towards his/her purpose without causing intentional damage to the lives of others.
So, I bet you're all dying to know if I'm a G.O.O.D. person. Well, yes and no. I do what I can to treat people fairly and honestly. I do my best to be sincere and to stick unwaveringly to my moral values. Am I perfect? Hell no! I've made a lot of mistakes. I've hurt a lot of people (including myself). I've strayed so far from some of my core values that I couldn't even see them with a pair of binoculars in hand. But I'm learning. I'm learning more and more that I'd rather be a person of integrity than achieve whatever current desire I'm seeking. I'd rather be a G.O.O.D. person and see the big picture of my life and the world rather than satisfy my latest whim. It's not always easy. Sometimes I want to take the easy way out, as I'm sure we all probably want to do from time to time. I know I say this a lot, but every day I'm learning more about what it means to be happy with myself and the world I live in. The more confident I become with who I am, the more I truly love myself, the easier it becomes to be a G.O.O.D. person -- a person of integrity.
In general, do you think you're a G.O.O.D. person?
Do you think the concept of a G.O.O.D. person is limiting?
If so, what would you add?
Dani,
I liked the way your defined a G.O.O.D person. I'm not sure if I meet all the requirements, but I know I'm working on it! Thanks for this post:~)
p.s. I bet some of those people on the subway would be horrified if they saw a video of how they behaved towards the man in the wheelchair! Crowds do seem to make people forget about being G.O.O.D. :~(
Posted by: Sara | June 25, 2009 at 03:11 PM
I think that's a good working definition of a "good" person. Those are certainly some great things to aspire to.
Integrity, to me, simply means doing what's right. regardless of if people are watching, or if the right thing is unpopular, or any other considerations. It's not shoplifting, even when we know we won't be caught. It's helping people who cannot possibly help you back. In short, it's doing the right thing because it's the right thing to do...no other reasons.
Following that definition, sometimes I fail. Usually, it's my courage that falters, leading me astray. As I work on that, the other failures happen less and less frequently. As always, I'm a work in progress...always moving forward.
In a side note, as a man in a wheelchair who rides public transportation...thanks for noticing us. It's definitely harder on us than it is on the people who are "inconvenienced".
Posted by: Jay Schryer | June 25, 2009 at 03:12 PM
Sara - I'm not sure I do either, but we're all works in progress and no one is all of those things all the time. I agree with what you said about those people on the Metro. They would probably hate the way they acted!
Jay - I agree with your thoughts on integrity. It's so important to do the right thing because it is the right thing (and for no other reason). The question sometimes becomes, "what IS the right thing?" Sometimes it's not always so black and white which is why I've tried to be more specific in the G.O.O.D. outline (though I still think there's even more to it than what I wrote about). As for your side note, I truly hope you don't have to deal with many situations like the one I saw last night. It was truly shocking the way people were acting, as if it was the worst thing in the world to have to wait a moment longer than usual. I'm sure they didn't give a thought to what the man might have been feeling which really saddened me. After seeing that I'm definitely going to try to be more considerate of others.
Posted by: positively present | June 25, 2009 at 03:47 PM
Hi Dani --
I haven't thought about integrity lately, or at least I haven't thought about it deeply. Upon some reflection as inspired by your post, I think it's definitely one of my top values. And I think that striving to be a better person is all that is necessary to be good. People aren't just good or bad. We're all trying to get to one place or another. It's about the journey, the growth, the intention.
Posted by: Vi | Maximizing Utility | June 25, 2009 at 04:16 PM
Yikes! I guess I'm trying to be G.O.O.D. and in some moments really am...but it's all a continuing journey.
Posted by: Jen Trinque | June 25, 2009 at 04:24 PM
I really love the way you've defined integrity! I always try to live with integrity, but like everyone else, I've strayed from my core values on the occassion. I also try my best to be a G.O.O.D. person, but I can be very rigid and biased at times. Sometimes, I seem to have tunnel vision with my life, sometimes I simply don't think about the world around me. Of course, I am working on that and I definately think I've gotten better at it!
Side note: I feel terrible for the man in the wheelchair. Sometimes people just aren't patient. I was getting a train ticket once and the man in line behind me got a little too close to me for my comfort as he reached to buy his ticket while I was still in front of the machine putting my money away!
Posted by: Ia | June 25, 2009 at 04:28 PM
That was a great post PP. It was very interesting to read the definitions you found for integrity. My immediate thought was, "Geez, these definitions make a person with integrity sound really rigid and a bit moralistic."
When I think of integrity the main words that come to mind are honesty, truth, reliable, kind, authentic and being genuine.
The "openminded to opportunity" part of G.O.O.D really resonated with me because I believe a person can definitely have integrity but also be flexible, even to the point of changing a belief if need be. In fact, I don't see how a person can have integrity and not be open to other views, beliefs and opportunities.
Posted by: Sami - Life, Laughs & Lemmings | June 25, 2009 at 05:09 PM
I think, in general, I am a g.o.o.d. person. I'm not that g.o.o.d. when I'm extremely tired and/or cranky. Then, I seem to resort to the personality of a 3-year old. Not pretty, but it's my honest answer.
Posted by: kirwin @ Graceful Creative | June 25, 2009 at 05:27 PM
Dani,
Remember a good person isn't a perfect person. I believe you're a very good person. Me too!
Posted by: Tess The Bold Life | June 25, 2009 at 05:33 PM
Vi - Like you, I hadn't really given it all that much thought until my therapist brought it up. Once I started thinking about it I realized just how important it is to me -- both as a quality in others and a quality in myself. Good point about striving to be a better person. That is definitely a quality of a good person.
Jen - I agree. It's a journey and a lot of the time I think I'm doing really well. It's important to really consider what kind of person you are and it seems to me that most people reading this site are on that path to self-discovery, which, as Vi mentioned is a sign of a good person.
Ia - It's not always easy to be G.O.O.D. Sometimes I find it very, very difficult in fact, but I'm trying every day and that's certainly better than not trying! In regard to your side note, it's amazing how rude and self-centered some people are, isn't it?!
Sami - I'm glad you liked it. I agree that the definitions of integrity from the dictionary seem pretty rigid and they also assume that we all have the same moral values (which is often not the case!). As I was writing this I realized that a good person needs to be flexible and make room for new ideas, something that I think most of the people reading this are willing to do, which is great!
Kirwin - I totally know what you mean. My G.O.O.D.-ness can depend a lot on what's going on in my life, what kind of mood I'm in, and what kind of sleep I've gotten the night before, but, for the most part, I really do try to be G.O.O.D.
Tess - Great point! Goodness is certainly not the same as perfection. No one is going to be G.O.O.D. all the time, but that doesn't mean that he or she isn't a person of integrity.
Posted by: positively present | June 25, 2009 at 06:28 PM
You always hear of "having integrity" but it wasn't until I was older that I ever heard of "staying in integrity" or "being in integrity" kind of like being in alignment with your values. And that makes a lot of sense to me.
(As does your FABULOUS acronym!)
Posted by: Hayden Tompkins | June 25, 2009 at 06:40 PM
Hi Dani - I think those 4 things cover what a "good person" is pretty well. Off the top of my head, I think of "integrity" as living in alignment with your values and priorities. And I think you've effectively said that and more here. It's about other people and yourself, giving as much as you can and being joyful. :)
Posted by: Amanda Linehan | June 25, 2009 at 07:31 PM
Very good definition. I agree with you that although I would like to be, but sometimes I'm not.
Posted by: John Traveler | June 25, 2009 at 07:33 PM
How do you do this? Another great post Dani! Yes, I can say that I am a G.O.O.D person. I am far from perfect, but I am good. It has taken some time to get "good" (especially the "one with the world" part). I am now at a point in my life that I am one with myself...to me that is huge!
Posted by: Caroline | June 25, 2009 at 09:57 PM
Hi Dani. Another great post. You've mentioned seeing the big picture and that is so important. We so often get bogged down by what is in front of us and can easily feel trapped because of it. Just like everyone did on that subway. It's pretty hard to feel or act G.O.O.D when you feel like you have to escape "something".
Posted by: Davina | June 26, 2009 at 02:44 AM
Great post. I think I am G.O.O.D and I believe I act with integrity, although there are times where I know I haven't. I heard a quote which I will probably get wrong but it is how I have always defined integrity...
Wisdom is knowing the right path to take, integrity is taking it.
Posted by: Shannanigans | June 26, 2009 at 04:53 AM
Great post, and I really resonated with a lot of what you said (including having times in my life when I wasn't always very g.o.o.d.). Two of the other comments I liked were Tess's "...doesn't mean perfect" (amen!) and Shannanigan's quote on wisdom versus integrity. Well put!
Posted by: Megan Bord | June 26, 2009 at 06:38 AM
Hayden - I'm so glad you thought the acronym was FABULOUS. :) I like what you wrote about integrity. Great points!
Amanda - I completely agree that having integrity is doing/thinking/saying things that are in line with your core values, but, as you added it also has a great deal to do with giving to yourself and others and bringing joy to the world.
John - I think most of us are probably in that same boat. We do our best to live with integrity but, as Tess said, being good isn't about being perfect!
Caroline - Haha, thank you! :) I guess I just love to write and have a lot of ideas I can't wait to get out of my head and on to the page/screen. I defintely think the "one with the world" part is one of the hardest things and I still have a lot of work to do in that area of my life, but at least I'm aware of that, right?
Davina - Thank you! Great points in your comment. It's hard to see the big picture when we're focusing on the little things in front of us. This is something I'm working on all the time!
Shannanigans - LOVE the quote. I don't know if you got it right or not since I've never heard it before, but it sounds right to me. Thanks for sharing that. It's great!
Megan - I'm glad the post resonated with you and that you got something out of the comments too. It just goes to show that others' comments can really add to a post! :)
Posted by: positively present | June 26, 2009 at 08:12 AM
Dani,
Your posts are awesome! I don't know if you ever saw the movie with George Burns playing God and trying to convince this supermarket clerk that indeed, he was God, short, glasses, old, smoking a cigar etc. - anyway - the possibility, HOWEVER remote and insane it might be - that anyone could be God and therefore should be treated with respect and kindness is rather intriguing isn't it?
Posted by: suzen | June 26, 2009 at 10:36 AM
Really cool post Dani. I think we all have made our share of mistakes. I look back at my behavior in earlier parts of my life, when I was extremely irritable and would yell at people on the phone from my cellular provider, and anything that involved customer service (kind of random). But when I decided on operating from a place of peace and happiness and consider others, I immediately changed the kinds of responses I got from them.
Posted by: Srinivas Rao | June 26, 2009 at 12:27 PM
Your blog is truly amazing, Dani.
This article is very inspiring and you are a woman of integrity.
Keep up the great work.
Posted by: BunnygotBlog | June 26, 2009 at 01:39 PM
Very nice post and creative use of the word GOOD - just fit like fine for my first read of the day - Thank you
"Life is meant to be lived with a purpose, with meaning. (At least, that's what I believe.) I also believe that everyone's purpose or meaning for life is unique." I believe this too - it foundations me.
Posted by: Patricia | June 26, 2009 at 01:48 PM
Suzen - I've never seen that movie but I've heard a song with a similar idea. Very interesting indeed!
Srinivas - Great point in your comment. When you're in a place of peace and happiness, you treat others with respect and kindness, which is why it's so important to work on your personal happiness (as selfish as that might seem).
Bunny - Thanks! I'm so glad you liked this post and the blog. :) I'm not sure if I always act with integrity but I'm doing my best.
Patricia - I'm so glad you enjoyed the post and related to what I wrote. That's a really important line that you picked out and I must remind myself to stick to that as a foundation for how I interact with others.
Posted by: positively present | June 26, 2009 at 02:26 PM
My integrity often gets me into trouble because I'm liable to assume that everyone else has the same defaults as me. What Hayden, Jay and others said struck a chord; the main thing is to stay in integrity with ourselves. I think being good boils down to figuring out what 'good' means to us as individuals and wanting to be good. We all do the best we can with what we have. Nice post, Dani - lots of food for thought.
Posted by: janice | June 26, 2009 at 03:39 PM
haha the blank stare of integrity :D i think a blank stare is a pretty good answer to that question :P
to me... integrity is being real.
haha liked the way you wrote out g.o.o.d - made me feel 12 again :P
genuine interest is what i mean when i say "being real". so key. fake interaction is pointless and comes from a place of wanting to fill a hole within. stupid.
i like the other definitions too. don't know about "good people are those who see the bigger picture". sometimes simplicity and that child-like innocence that comes from a lack of complexity, a lack of big picture is what makes people good. they're not caught up in the whole movie, the whole big picture and so they have a rawness to them. a realness.
inspiring post. really cool to see your thought process in the begining.
stumbled
keep well dani!
alex - unleash reality
Posted by: alex - unleash reality | June 26, 2009 at 03:50 PM
Janice - You make a great point in your comment. We're not all coming from the same place, so it's important to stick to your own values and ideas. At the same time, it's important to consider others' values and be open-minded to new ways of thinking. As with so many things, it's all about balance!
Alex - Thanks for your great comment! I totally agree with the idea that sometimes seeing the big picture isn't necessary or helpful. Sometimes it's important to return to a sense of childlike innocence and be in the moment. As you noted, one of the most important things about being a G.O.O.D. person is being real. When you are real you are being true to who you are and what you believe in which is at the heart of what it means to have integrity.
Posted by: positively present | June 27, 2009 at 09:41 AM