go on, admit you're happy

"Most people ask for happiness on condition.
Happiness can only be felt if you don't set any condition."

Arthur Rubinstein

Today used to be "Admit You're Happy Day" (which has now become Happiness Happens Month) and this morning I woke thinking about the idea of being happy. For me, it used to be a pretty hard thing to admit. Reading through my childhood journals, I read things like: "I'm so happy right now, but I know that will end soon" or "It's been a good day, which only means a bad one will be coming up." I would have days of happiness but I would always have this "I'm happy, but..." attitude. As I got older I found it was easier to embrace the happiness when it came. I still believed that bad things were just around the corner, but I was so thrilled whenever I experienced any true happiness that I was more than happy to sit with it, to bask in it, and not worry as much about the future. Happy was like this thing -- a distant relative perhaps -- that visited me every once and awhile. It was wonderful when it stopped by, but it wasn't there for long. I learned to accept its visits with utter elation and joy (and, also, disbelief most of the time), and I thought that was enough. Until recently. Now I realize that happiness isn't something that visits. It's not something that happens to you.

If someone had asked me years ago to admit I was happy, I would have laughed in his or her face. Happy? Me?? While of course I'd had plenty of happy moments, I would never have said I was a happy person. If someone had asked me (and people often did), "Why aren't you happy?" I probably would have fumbled about, stuttering and ultimately coming up with an answer like, "I'm just not, that's all." (Yes, quite the convincing argument!) Today when I woke and remember that it's the former Admit You're Happy Day, I thought to myself, "Wow. I can actually sit here and admit that I'm happy." It was a real eye-opener for me, a really great example of how far I've come in in the past year or so.

Of course, I won't sit here and write that I'm always happy. Anyone who works with me, is related to me, or is friends with me knows that's not the case. I'm never going to be one of those sun-shining-blue-skies-everywhere-she-goes kind of girls. But, as I've realized for sure this morning, that doesn't mean I'm not happy. I woke up feeling slightly stressed, my mind running through the list of things I have to do today and this weekend before I leave for vacation on Monday. I woke up after having had a strange dream that left me feeling oddly sad. I woke up to a cloud-filled sky and fun-filled trip to Jiffy Lube on the horizon. And yet...when I remembered it was Admit You're Happy Day, I realized that I was happy. Deep down, in the core of my existence, I was happy.

Even though I write about this kind of thing all the time, it was refreshing to think of it in the context of admission. I was admitting it (sure, it was only to myself, but I knew it would probably come out in a post somehow). I was admitting that I was happy -- miraculously, steadfastly, honestly happy. Even though this happiness has been around for awhile, it was still so refreshing to wake up and realize that this is me now -- a person with a lot to do, waking too early on a Saturday to a cloudy day, who is still happy. Wow. How life has changed for me!

But enough about me! I want to hear about YOU. I'd like to know what you thinking about happiness and actually admitting it. Do you feel guilty admitting you're happy? Do you feel like you have a case of the same "I'm happy, but..." syndrome that I used to suffer from? Do you even want to admit your happy? Or, better yet, do you need to admit you're happy? If happiness is a state of mind, a choice, (which it is!), why would we need to admit it to anyone? And aren't we, in a way, admitting it by our thoughts and words and actions? C'mon, let me know what you think about admitting to happiness!

Comments

[Lance]

Our words and actions...I really think that's it. I can say I'm happy, but if there isn't anything behind that - these become empty words. It's what we say and do - not to please someone else, but for what has real meaning. And so - if that is happiness, then that's awesome! And if it's not, because sometimes it isn't - that's okay too.

Today, though, I AM happy. I've had a beautiful, quiet morning to start my day, the rain has stopped, I have hot coffee in my cup, and lots of great feeling within my being. I admit it, I am very happy today! And it's so good to hear you are too!

[Stephen Mills]

Dani, as I just commented on your previous post before I saw this one, my daughter was born on this day. I admit I'm happy. I admit I wasn't happy 6 months ago. What a difference nothing but attitude and perspective can make. What's even better is that I can admit that I'm getting happier every day. The peace and serenity of long-term well-being seems to be setting in. It's great and so is your blog. Keep up the great work!

[Giovanna Garcia]

Hi Dani,
You bring up a great point here.
It is important to openly admit you are happy (if you are not unhappy.)
I think a person get more happiness when they admit they are happy.
Thanks for sharing.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action

[Zeenat {Positive Provocations}]

What a lovely and truly happy day this is!!
Just admitting you are happy to yourself makes all the difference. I would like to think i am Happy...and am getting happier by the day...cause if i am truly totally happy..then well...I'd actually get bored;)...i prefer to think i will get happier everyday.....i dont really want there to be a stop to it.....
Glad you are truly HAPPY too!

[Avani Mehta]

I usually am quite happy with my life and don't have a problem admitting it. Still, often I ask myself whether I am happy and if I hesitate to say yes even momentarily, I know I need to look within to find out what's bothering me. A lot of times, I was able to catch hold of some burning unanswered questions which were bothering me, sometimes it's a hidden stream of negative thoughts building up, sometimes genuine concern which I still hadn't paid attention to.

[Karen Linsley, RScP]

Happiness is an inside job! I, like you, am happy no matter what is going on on the outside. And I, like you, do have days where I might be grouchy, stressed, frustrated or just plain mad, but still happy. Happiness for me is not contingent on what is going on in my outside world, but rather what is happening within me. It is a choice to be happy, as has been said here. Happy is about peace. And I have no problem admitting that I am happy.

[All Women Stalker]

I admit I am when I need to. Does that make sense? It's a choice and when I feel down, I choose to be happy and admit it. :D

-meream

[The Exception]

Happy - what a wonderful way to live... and yet we have to go through the not happy times too. After all, the depth of our sorrow is matched by the height of our joy!

[Positively Present]

Lance - Words and actions -- absolutely! You can say you're happy all you want but that doesn't make you happy. Happiness is a choice we can make -- and have to make -- every day. Sounds like a you're making the choice to be happy today! :)

Stephen - Your daughter is lucky to have been born on such a special day! Attitude and perspective can really change our views on happiness, can't they? Six months ago I was just diving into this whole blogging thing, trying to figure out what I could do to change my life, and it's amzing how much my attitude has changed since then! I love the term "long-term well being"; it has such a different connotation than saying "happy."

Giovanna - So true! The more we focus on happiness, on admitting we're happy, the more we'll be aware of the happiness in our lives. The law of attraction at its best!

Zeenat - Yes it is! A happy day! For me, this happiness that I'm talking about is sort of an underlying acceptance and contentment with myself and my life. I'm certaily not joyful all the time (or even positive, though I'm working on that), but I can finally say that I'm happy with my life.

Avani - That's great! :) Yay for you for being happy and admitting it to the world. You make a great point. When you hesitate in your mind, it's important to investigate why you're hesitating. That's one of the keys to being happy -- looking things at a deeper level and trying to understand the "why" behind your thoughts and actions.

Karen - It's been a work in progress for sure to get to the point where I feel generally happy, but all of the hard work has been SO worth it. Happiness IS a choice and it's definitely about having an inner peace. Even when we're not perfectly content with every little thing in life we can still be happy.

Meream - That does make sense! Happiness is a choice and sometimes we have to remind ourselves of it. Great comment.

[Laura at The Journal of Cultural Conversation]

Another great image! (I must be into the power of images lately!) It's interesting - lately, everyone is asking me about whether or not I'm happy with my recent relocation - and I'm thrilled! But for some reason, the first thing I've been doing is saying, "yeah, but" and turning it into something slightly negative. I just started noticing that and your post brought it to the surface. No more "yeah, buts" for me!

[Stephanie]

wow, this post is great! I am in such a rut right now of, "I'm grumpy -- just because!" yeah, there are stressors in my life, but none of it is so bad that I should be such an Eeyore all the time. I almost feel addicted to being miserable. I think what makes it worse is that people around me are so used to me complaining (and frankly entertained by it), that they look at me like I'm crazy when I'm actually happy for once. But I like your idea -- admit I'm happy! Life is pretty darn good. I need to post this one all over my apartment as a reminder! I have to choose to be happy.

[Kaushik]

"Deep down, in the core of my existence, I was happy."

Great! I find joy is always there--it's our true nature. We cover it up, and being present helps us see right through to the happiness.

Thanks, very insightful!

[Everything Counts]

Great post. I really appreciate and agree with your words. Thanks for sharing such beautiful thoughts.

[Hilary]

Hi Dani .. have a great holiday .. enjoy yourself.

I have to be happy - Hilary = happy! Fortunately I was named correctly .. we all go through challenges.

However now I must say I'm happy .. I have a future to think about, a life to live, things to do, lots to learn .. and as long as I take one thing at a time I'll move forward.

Yes - along that route .. sadness will occur - but if there's life ahead that's so important ..

Here's to your future .. your learning .. what a week you'll have -
Hilary Melton-Butcher
Positive Letters Inspirational Stories

[Megan Bord]

Oddly, I once dated a guy who I think was initially attracted to me because of how joyful I was, but then used it against me as the relationship went on. He would accuse me of being Pollyanna-ish, and try to tell me I wasn't as happy as I claimed. Truth be told, he was the one who wasn't happy. When we met I think he saw a light in me that he wanted for himself. As time went on, my happiness reminded him of how unhappy he was, perhaps, and made him resentful. Strange... But it never stopped me from keeping joy as my goal in life!

[taney]

Wow! That's awesome, Dani! I think you should always admit you're happy when you are. I feel the desire to share my happiness with the world just like how I share my smile. For the most part, it's contagious, then there are a small few that want to rain on your parade. I think that's fine; I'm just being myself and expressing my feelings and emotions. If they want to hate me or love me, they should do it for who/what I am!

I feel that when I'm happy, my day just flows by so much more smoothly. For the most, I'm happy. Most people would probably say I'm that "sun-shining-blue-skies-everywhere-he-goes" type of person. It just comes natural to me now.

I have been through too much in life and it has opened my eyes up to see how beautiful and precious it is. I want to enjoy this journey until the end. The bumps and knicks in it, I can brush it off and move on. I don't want it to take away my "happy" time. I don't even question myself whether I'm happy or not. As Krishma Murti said, "The moment you are asking am I happy, you're not." I just figure out how to resolve the conflict and regain my happiness. You can say I'm addicted to life and happiness.

Great post! I really enjoyed it! I hope you can enjoy more happy days. The feeling is exhilarating! (=

[Srinivas Rao]

Interesting post Dani. I was just talking to an uncle in India. He was telling me a funny idea about the fact that "enjoy the good times , because they don't last. It's funny because I think we by human nature believe in peaks and valleys. But, I think we can see life as only being on an upward trajectory and it will be.

[suzen]

"If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands"......that little song from pre-school, remember it? I am a happy person and I know it! And people don't usually ask me if I am - they see/feel it in my energy. I am definitely not hiding it, nor am I guilty about it. I just try to spread it around, like butter on warm toast.

[Sami - Life, Laughs & Lemmings]

Even after inadvertently letting our car run out of registration and having to go through the painful process of getting it reregistered again, a broken laptop, a leaking toilet and a dog we're looking after that enjoys barking at 5am, I can say I'm happy. Frustrated at times, yes, but happy.

It's SO awesome to see you've reached the point where you can admit you're happy too and without any conditons like a sunny day and happy dreams (or a registered car, functioning laptop, fixed toilet and quiet dog!). Kudos to you for all the hard work you've put in to get you there.

[Positively Present]

The Exception - Oh, yes, we have to go through good and bad. It's not all sunshine and rainbows but we can choose to be happy more often than not. Happiness is possible at any time!

Laura - That's so great that you're thrilled with your relocation. I feel like it's almost human nature to say "Yes, but..." as if it's not okay to be really 100% happy with something. I'm glad you're going to take those "buts" out of your vocab! :)

Stephanie - Thank you! :) You sound just like I used to be -- an Eeyore who is so used to being miserable that she just keeps doing it and everyone around her is used to it so they don't expect anything different. Happiness is a choice, something we have to work on, and it's taken me a long, long time to figure that out. Now that I have I'm a LOT happier.

Kaushik - I agree. Happiness is always there but often we choose to cover it up or let unhappiness get the best of us. After a long time, I'm finally realizing this!

Everything Counts - Thanks so much for your comment. I'm glad you enjoyed the post! :)

Hilary - How wonderful that Hilary means happy! My name means "God's judge," which I used to think was quite fitting back when I was in high school and was always judging everyone. Haha. As you noted, we will face good and bad times, but we can choose to work on being happy. It's always possible.

Megan - I bet a lot of people who are joyful have been in similar situations. Some people are drawn to happy people because they are like them and others are drawn to happy people because they WANT to be like them. (This doesn't usually happen to negative people so I've never had this experience.) As I'm sure you know, it's so important to surround yourself with people who encourage and support you. Hope you got rid of that guy!

Taney - Thanks so much for your comment! I love how you used the metaphor of happiness as a smile. It's such an important thing to share with others AND to experience yourself. And, as you said, it's contagious! Happiness doesn't quite come naturally to me yet, but the more I work on it, the more I realize that deep down I'm happy and I need to let that positivity rise to the surface. Being addicted to life and happiness is awesome. I'm going to work on that!

Srinivas - Great point! I do think there are ups and downs in life, but we can look for the good in everything (even the bad times) and, in doing that, we're a lot more likely to be happy in general.

Suzen - Of course! Haha. I love it! So perfect for this post too. It's so wonderful that you spread you're happiness around. You've made a great point. If you're a happy person, people know it.

Sami - So great that you can be happy in spite of all of those things. That sounds like a lot to deal with at one time, so it says a lot that you're able to still see happiness admist all of that. Thanks for your support. It's been a long (and still ongoing) journey, but I think I'm getting to know myself and understand life a little better each day. :)

[John]

Great idea Dani! All hail Happiness Month!

I'm very happy because I'll be going back to college for my second year and my blog has been going very well. I feel like sharing my happiness with everyone ;)

[Positively Present]

John - That's great that you're heading back to college soon (lucky!) and that your blog has been going so well. Sharing happiness is awesome so you definitely should share it with everyone!

[Veronica]

I've been really aware of my true happiness lately, and reminding myself of it as often as possible.

It's been especially important for me to recognize my happiness as compared to how utterly unhappy I was for a long time. I've come out of that a whole person, which is remarkable and encouraging. That alone gives me cause for happiness. But pair that accomplishment with all the other little things I can add to the list, and I feel pretty well rounded out.

I try to do a good job of telling people about my happiness. It's contagious. And what better gift can you give than spreading happiness?

Veronica
www.drrussbuss.com

[Positively Present]

Veronica - Like you, I've been very conscious of my happiness, in particular how much happier I am since I've started making an effort to be happy. Spreading happiness is definitely the best gift you can give! :)

[Hayden Tompkins]

You know what I think is pretty amazing (and happiness inducing)? How SO MANY PEOPLE feel compelled to share their thoughts and ideas and happiness comments at Positively Present.

I like reading your responses as much as reading your articles. :)

[Evelyn Lim]

You brought up a good observation! I do feel pangs of guilt sometimes because I am very blessed and feeling happy. It happens when I receive a complaint from a client or a reader about how "life sucks" and has been awful so far.

It's great that I am in good company of joyous smiles when I visit your blog!

From a smiling face to another,
Evelyn

[J.D. Meier]

You've reminded me that one of the keys is to put your happiness on things you control, and let the rest go.

I think mastering yourself is the most important thing, but I also know that it's important to work at surrounding yourself with the right people and spending your time on the right things. It's you and your environment, but you are always the ultimate factor in the end.