"A cloudy day or a little sunshine have as great an influence
on many constitutions as the most recent blessings or misfortune."
Joseph Addison
Where I live it's been unfortunately gloomy lately. Dealing with the cloud-filled skies and dipping temperatures has never been easy for me, especially when the gloominess stretches on for days and it seems as if the summer has packed up its things for good. Today I started wondering why it was that the cloudy days always seem to get to me. While pondering this, I realized that the reason they get me down is because it is on these days that I forget about the sunshine. I spend all of my time moaning about it and missing it and in the midst all of that complaining I lose sight of the fact that the sunshine will return. Even if it takes days (or weeks!), the sunshine will be back.
Of course, you can probably guess that this pattern of thinking applies to my life as well. Though I'm getting much better at it, I still sometimes find myself focusing on the negative things, honing in on them and analyzing them instead of realizing that they -- like the cloudy days -- will pass and soon the sun will be out again. (Ironically, as I'm writing this, the sun is actually peaking out from the clouds, confirming the fact that what I write here is true; the sun does always come out again.) I realize that this is not a new found idea and that most of what I'm referring to here is plain old, cliched optimism. You know, "the sun'll come out tomorrow" kind of stuff. But, you see, as much as we all know about these cliched notions like "things will get better," "this too shall pass," and "the best is yet to come," we don't always remember them when we need them most. Or, to be more accurate, I don't always remember them.
I'm great at reminding others that things will get better, that whatever tough time they're going through will pass, but I'm pretty terrible about helping myself out in that department. And I have a feeling I'm not the only one who struggles with taking her own good advice. It's so easy to give others positive, helpful advice, but, when it comes to advising ourselves, it's easy to fall short, to -- using the metaphor from above -- forget about the sunshine. Whether it's in a literal or metaphorical sense, it is so important that we don't let the sunshine fade out of our minds. If we do, we lose hope. And without hope it's much, much harder to get through any sort of struggle.
When I re-read what I've written so far, I almost have to laugh. I cannot believe that someone like me -- someone who used to be constantly sulking beneath dark rain clouds -- is writing a post about how we need to remember the sunshine. I used to feel hopeless, lost, and unhappy. Now, even on the hard days, I feel one of the most important things in the world: hopeful. That's what remembering the sunshine is all about -- being hopeful and believing that, even when things aren't going well, they will get better.
This isn't the easiest thing for me to remember sometimes. Sometimes I find it very tempting to let go and move back toward the sadness, back under those clouds... but I don't. I remember the sunshine instead. When I'm feeling down, when those clouds are getting to me, I listen to Adrienne Pierce's "Under That Cloud," in which she sings: "I used to watch all the dark clouds form/I used to be drawn to that storm/Now I am never going back/Never going back, never going back under/Never going back, can't do that/Never going back under that cloud." With these words I remind myself that the sun will always come out again and the worst thing I can do is to go back under that cloud. Oddly enough, as I finish writing this post the sun is out in full force and the day has morphed into a perfect fall afternoon. The transformation of the day is a fantastic reminder for me (and all of us!) to remember the sunshine in life.
Dani, you *are* sunshine now. You're a positive ray of hope for a lot of people, myself included. In fact, I think you're more than sunshine. I think that when it's on the other side of the planet, the Sun gets kinda down and depressed, and wonders where Dani is :)
Posted by: Jay Schryer | September 18, 2009 at 10:23 PM
Hi Dani!
My name is Ayuni and i'm from Singapore. I came across your blog when i was searching Positive blog in google. After reading a few entries from your blog, I fell in love with it. You really inspire people and it motivates me to become a better person.
Like you, I always give advice to my friends positively when they were feeling depressed but when it comes to myself, I have trouble keeping positively. So I would usually approach my dad for advice..hehe. :D
Anyway, I will always keep my favourite quotes in my wallet so whenever i feel upset, i could always open my wallet and read it.
I totally LOVE your blog and keep it up with your good work!. :D
Posted by: Ayuni | September 19, 2009 at 01:40 AM
When I have those moments when I'm feeling a little down I just tell myself "tomorrow is a new day." The meaning that phrase holds for me is "this feeling will pass,tomorrow will be better." The next day I wake up feeling refreshed and smiling once again. I think it's just natural that we aren't always going to feel like Little Miss Sunshine. I just let the blue feeling flow through me and out. Take care, A.
Posted by: Anita | September 19, 2009 at 02:54 AM
Dani,
I think it's kind of funny you mention your challenges with following your own advice. I myself am kind of the in the same boat. Some people have told me how much the advice on my blog helps them, yet sometimes I don't follow my own advice. I'm glad you can remember the sunshine. Fortunately, I live in LA where we don't see clouds too often. I often joke with friends that Indian people and cold weather were never meant to be since we're from one of the hottest places on earth.
Posted by: Srinivas Rao | September 19, 2009 at 10:03 AM
Hi Dani - I randomly stumbled across your blog last night when I was playing around on Twitter. Someone posted a tweet about this entry, which immediately caught my eye. I clicked over to read it and I am so thankful that I did. It was the perfect thing for me to stumble on considering my current state of constant up & down moodiness. Thank you so much for sharing such powerful positive thoughts!
Posted by: alstubliefty.wordpress.com | September 19, 2009 at 10:06 AM
Hi Dani,
I love this post...it's very honest and brings up important questions.
"Dealing with the cloud-filled skies and dipping temperatures has never been easy for me..." I've moved away from family in CT to Florida because gloomy weather affects my mood.
"I still sometimes find myself focusing on the negative things, honing in on them and analyzing them instead of realizing that they -- like the cloudy days -- will pass and soon the sun will be out again." In my experience, positive thinking does not work for long. The thing which we all do, where we force ourselves to be positive, look on the bright side, be optimistic, count our blessings and so on, sounds like winning advice...but doing that is full of effort and pretense and artificiality, and I have never been able to sustain it. Facing up to, feeling, and then letting go of negative feelings is the trick. We are afraid of this because we believe we never be free of negative feelings. Letting go (releasing, opening) is a process which becomes very natural (because it's something we re-remember) and soon the very judgment of negative or positive goes away.
"I'm great at reminding others that things will get better, that whatever tough time they're going through will pass..." Ah, everyone who writes "self-help" does the same. We can write very honestly, but even so as we put the last six days or months or year or a lifetime in one article, in compression, it sounds very different from the actual experience.
This is a great, open, honest article that pops the important question that most of us feel: how do we feel better? Thanks for bringing it up.
Posted by: Kaushik | beyond-karma.com | September 19, 2009 at 11:31 AM
Thanks for this. I am literally focusing on sunshine and clouds today because I will be off to the beach in a few hours. It's been cloudy but I am willing the sun to shine. If it doesn't, I will stay cheerful and enjoy the time spent away from work. :)
-meream
Posted by: All Women Stalker | September 19, 2009 at 02:57 PM
Jay - I read your comment on my Blackberry last night before I went to bed and it made me so happy. What a nice thing to say! :) Thank you!
Ayuni - Welcome to PP! :) I'm so glad that you came across the blog and that you've enjoyed what you've read here. It's almost always easier to give others good advice, but through the blog I'm working on putting my own advice into action in my own life. It's not always a perfect process, but I'm learning how to be more and more positive every day! Not too long ago, I created a document that you can download and keep with you that has some of my favorite quotes on it. Check it out here: http://www.positivelypresent.com/2009/08/a-present-from-positively-present.html
Anita - I love what you wrote about letting the blue feeling flow through you and out. I think it's so important that we don't try to deny our unhappy emotions, but, instead, experience them and move forward towards a happier place. Great way of putting it!
Srinivas - Sounds like you know exactly what I'm talking about. It's so much easier to give others great advice and it can be really difficult to take that great advice and apply it to our own lives sometimes. As I've probably mentioned before, I used to live out in CA (near LA) and I loved the weather SO much. I wish I could transport all of my friends and family out there... It's a great climate and I definitely struggle with the winter here on the east coast (as I'm sure you'll witness in the upcoming months!).
Alstublieft - I'm so happy that you found PP and I'm glad that you could relate to this post. I'm not sure if you read the "About" section, but I'm someone who has spent a good 25 years being moody, unhappy, and generally negative. Not too long ago, I decided that my attitude needed to change and that it was up to me to make that change. That's when I started PP. It makes me happy when people like you stumble across it and can relate to what I'm writing about. Thanks for commenting!
Kaushik - Thank you for your wonderful comments. It sounds like you get where I'm coming from in terms of the weather. It can have a big impact on mood! I 100% agree with your ideas about dealing with negativity. We have to deal with the negative emotions/situations and let go of them. We cannot just cover them up with the idea that someday things will get better. Perhaps this is something I'm missing in my life and something I need to work more on. Positivity is important, but so is learning how to deal with negativity (rather than trying to avoid it). I'm so glad you liked this post. When I posted it I had this feeling about it that it wasn't all that great and maybe it wasn't even worth posting , but then I decided to go ahead with it. Now I'm glad I did because it's sparked a great response to you that's given me a lot to think about. Thanks, Kaushik!
Meream - Oooh, I am so, so jealous that you're going to the beach today. However, I can't complain too much because it turned out to be one of the most perfect, amazing autumn days here. I couldn't ask for better weather! I hope the sun shines brightly for your beach day...
Posted by: positively present | September 19, 2009 at 06:00 PM
Hi, Dani!
I've had the same struggles as I've continued on my joyful path. The nice thing is that even though I still have "down" or dark days from time to time, they aren't nearly as down or dark as they used to be, and they don't last very long. They just sort of come and go, like a passing shower.
I love that the sun came out as you kept writing... Now THAT'S the power of positive thinking! (smile)
Posted by: Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord | September 19, 2009 at 07:22 PM
I Love this blog. Nature has a wonderful way of showing us how to relax into living, embracing the natural cycles of life. Thanks for reminding me that the sun always comes out again!
Also, from reading all the wonderful comments, I believe that you are a ray of light for so many people. That's priceless!
Posted by: Tonya Leigh | September 19, 2009 at 07:38 PM
Rain in September in Arkansas means cooler weather than we usually have which is always a blessing in Summer and Fall in Arkansas. If you look you can find a blessing in any situation. Have a glorious weekend.
Posted by: Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker | September 19, 2009 at 08:46 PM
Megan - I completely agree. Even when I have "bad" days, they are so much better now that I'm working on my personal happiness and doing what I can to focus on positive things in my life. I also loved that the sun came out. I wasn't expecting it and it was perfect timing!
Tonya - Thank you! :) I'm so glad you like it and I completely agree that nature is a good place to look for inspiration about how to live. It was nature that literally showed me that the sun does always come out and offered me a great reminder of hope. I really do hope that my journey toward a more positive lifestyle inspires others!
Patricia - That's a great way of looking at it! Changes in weather happen for a reason and, in many cases, they can be a blessing in disguise. Also, it's important to remember that without the clouds, the sun wouldn't seem as wonderful...
Posted by: positively present | September 19, 2009 at 11:05 PM
I've never had a problem with staying positive, but my personal challenge has always come from struggling with judgment...of myself and others. I find that I talk to myself a LOT during this process of 'being in my own head'.
I love that you've created a community to amplify your positivity into a daily and self-sacred practice!
Posted by: Hayden Tompkins | September 20, 2009 at 01:28 AM
Dani,
It is great you are writing about this topic, many times we forget what we have when we are sad and mad about things we do not have. I fall in to this category often and I try my best to think of positive. My husband is better so he also inspires me and seeing innocent smiles on my kids also helps. Thank you for the reminder and good article.
Posted by: zengril | September 20, 2009 at 04:30 AM
Hayden - I also have trouble with the judgment thing. It's really hard not to judge ourselves and others sometimes, but it's definitely not a productive thing to do. I'm so glad you like the PP community! :) It really helps me to write about my thoughts and struggles and to get feedback on them. Thanks for being a part of it!
Zengirl - It's often easier to focus on the negative things when we're not feeling our best, but it's so essential to remember that positive things will come our way soon (just like when the sun came out as I was writing this post!). That's wonderful that you have a family that inspires you to see the positive things in life!
Posted by: positively present | September 20, 2009 at 08:14 AM
Dani, I know how you feel. It's easy to give advice, not so easy to follow it yourself :-)
Here in Houston it's summer about 8 months out of the year, but we've just had a week of clouds. Instead of being thankful for cooler temperatures in the 80's I was down about not seeing the sun for so long. Go figure.
Yesterday the bright sunshine came out and it was 90. It was beautiful. If I had read this article on Friday, the sun would have indeed come out "tomorrow".
I love the way you spill your heart out into your blog. Keep it up!
Posted by: Stephen - Rat Race Trap | September 20, 2009 at 08:45 AM
Another great post! Your openness is extremely welcoming and a pleasure to read! Understanding that you have the power to control your emotions and feelings is what gives us all hope - and deciding to reside on the side of hope can make all the difference in the world.
Posted by: Mike @ Find Inspiration Today | September 20, 2009 at 10:31 AM
Stephen - Definitely! Always easier to advise others... That's awesome that the sun came out for you too. There's nothing like sunshine to perk you up! :) I'm so glad you like what I'm doing here on PP. I plan to keep writing as long as people keep reading!
Mike - Thank you! I agree that recognizing that we have the power to control our emotions and that we can choose to be hopeful is one of the most influential life lessons we can master. It still takes quite a bit of work, but I'm getting there!
Posted by: positively present | September 20, 2009 at 11:00 AM
Hi Dani .. it's great to see you come out of your shell .. even the relatively short while I've known you .. I'm sure this blog will become a teacher's guide in due course .. you're expressing bravery in doing what you're doing - a great example .. keep sharing with us and we'll be here for you ...
Go well and have a better week - Hilary Melton-Butcher
Positive Letters Inspirational Stories
Posted by: Hilary | September 20, 2009 at 11:42 AM
Thank you. I need to remember this and I could not have read this at a better time. I am going to be my own sunshine.
Posted by: me in million | September 20, 2009 at 03:24 PM
Hey PP, so, so true. I sometimes forget the sun will come out. I find when times are tough, that focusing on what I'm grateful for makes a huge difference. It really does shift your thinking away from doom and gloom and reminds you that things really aren't that bad. Gratitude is the sunshine in my opinion.
Posted by: Sami - Life, Laughs & Lemmings | September 20, 2009 at 04:04 PM
Hilary - Thanks for your comment! It's definitely taking me awhile to come out of my shell, but I find myself opening up more and more. Thanks for supporting me and PP!
Me in Millian - You're welcome. That's awesome that you're going to be your own sunshine. That's the best way to be!
Sami - It's easy to forget about the sun sometimes, but you've made a great point about gratitude. That's such a fantastic way to remember the sun. Gratitude is definitely sunshine! :)
Posted by: positively present | September 20, 2009 at 04:10 PM
Hope really is a powerful force. I used to take it for granted, but now I think it goes hand in hand with a positive mindset.
Posted by: J.D. Meier | September 21, 2009 at 04:43 AM
J.D. - Hope is SO powerful and I don't think we even recognize it's power sometimes. As you picked up on, this post is all about hoping, about believing that the good things are coming even when it feels like they might now. Hope is definitely an important element of positivity!
Posted by: positively present | September 21, 2009 at 06:44 AM
Dani, it seems that I enjoy the cloudy days as much or more than the sunny ones. Each day has something great about it. I am living and breathing and above ground to appreciate what the day brings forth. I am really grateful for that. Great post.
Posted by: Syd | September 21, 2009 at 07:12 PM
Syd - That's very interesting! I love the sunny days and dread the cloudy ones, but I know that the loving/hating of specific weather is in my mind. As you said, every day has something great about it and I need to focus on those great things. Gratitude is such a great way to make every day seem like the best day!
Posted by: positively present | September 21, 2009 at 09:36 PM