becoming the me i want to be

"Most people have no idea the giant capacity
we can immediately command
when we focus all of our resources
on mastering a single area of our lives."

Tony Robbins

 

A few days ago the second meeting of the DC Happiness Project (based on Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project) took place. While we covered a lot of great topics, one of the most  interesting and exciting topic for me was the idea of developing our own personal commandments, an idea that was suggested by Gretchen. Gretchen did this long ago (see her commandments here) and often relates topics on her blog to the commandments she's set for herself. In an attempt to seek out personal happiness in our own lives, the members of the DC Happiness Project are going to be working on their personal commandments this month.

However, being the must-do-it-now type that I am, I've already come up with mine and I'd like to share them with you here because I really do believe that broadcasting them to the world (or, rather, to the people who read my blog) will hold me even more accountable to these commandments than the members of the DC Happiness Project will (and, yes, they certainly will hold me accountable next time we meet!). Though these commandments relate a lot to the happiness resolutions I wrote about back in August, there is something different about commandments. Commandments are authoritative. They are meant to be adhered to an upheld, which, in my opinion, is quite different from resolutions, which are notorious for being dropped and forgotten about.

Creating these commandments will help me lay a foundation for what I want to be. Even if I don't stick them all the time (And who am I kidding? I know I won't stick to anything all the time!), writing them up gave me a chance to really think about what's important to me and what kind of person I want to be. These are my commandments, created by me, and, therefore, they really reflect the person I want to be. And, if you believe the saying "you are who you hang out with," these commandments also tell me a lot about the characteristics of people I want to have in my life. After some careful consideration, I came up with the following 10 commandments for my life... 

The 10 Commandments of Me

1. Stay fully in every moment. Being in the present moment is hard for me. I want to rush onto the next thought or action. I have a tendency to always want to be on the move. Go, go, go! this need to always be doing and going and thinking doesn't make me happy. What makes me happy is when I find myself living in a moment and enjoying that moment for what it is.
   
   
   
2. Express gratitude often. Like a lot of people, I have a lot to be thankful for. I really do try to be grateful for everything I have in my life, but sometimes my selfish little ego takes over and I find myself complaining about things that, really, I'm lucky to have. Some things about life aren't perfect, but most of it is pretty darn awesome and I need to constantly remind myself of that.
   
   
   
3. Focus on the positive. Obviously this commandment is a biggie for me. Through my thoughts, words, and actions, I want to keep transforming my once-negative outlook into a more positive one. As most people know, this is not always easy, but I've come a long, long way since before I started this blog and I know I can make even more progress if I remember this commandment.
   
   
   
4. Rush less, be more. I'm pretty much always in a hurry. I walk, talk, drive, do fast. I don't know exactly why it is, but I know it doesn't help me to live in the moment (not to mention that the driving part is pretty dangerous!). I really need to work on just being. All of the rushing around doesn't make me happier and it only brings more stress into my life, and who needs more stress?
   
   
   
5. Celebrate the little things. Personally, I spend a lot of time waiting for the big things in life. I think in terms of the next big event -- a holiday or a birthday or a life-changing moment -- when, really, life is a lot more about the little things. I'm going to work on celebrating the little things in life because it's those things that really add up to make my life what it is.
   
   
   
6. Explore creatively. I really love being creative. Whether it's writing or art or even just thinking, when I get to stretch my creative muscles, I am happy. Only, I don't always do it as often as I should. I tend to stick to what I know and I think it'll bring me a lot of happiness to explore outside of my comfort zone. (Hopefully my new, awesome camera will help with this!)
   
   
   
7. Say "yes" more than "no." Some people are "yes" people, but not me. I tend to say "no" more often than I say "yes," and this leaves me missing out on a lot of things in life that I probably would enjoy if I'd just allow myself to break free of my mental barriers. I'm one of those who really likes to do what I like to do, but I think it's really important that I start saying "yes" more.
   
   
   
8. Accept differences in others. I'm not the most judgmental person in the world (and, man, have I come a long way since high school!), but I could certainly use some work in this area. Having negative thoughts of any kind about other people doesn't do anything positive for me so I need to get rid of them (as well as people who tend to be judgmental because I find that I feed off of that).
   
   
   
9. Love myself unconditionally. When I wrote this one, I wondered if this is actually possible. Are there really people out there who love themselves 100%? I don't know...but I do know that I want to be someone like that. I want to accept myself for who I am and love myself no matter what I do or say or think. Not an easy one, but probably the most important on this list.
   
   
   
10. Seek out opportunities. People often talk about seizing opportunities, but what about seeking them? Like many people, I sit here and wait for that day when something will happen to make my life suddenly become perfect. You and I both know that I'll probably wait here forever if I keep up that attitude! I need to go out of my way to find opportunities because, if I don't, I could be waiting here for a lifetime.

I completely believe that if I do my best to obey my commandments, I'll be happier and, as a result, those around me will be happier too. I think following these commandments will help me become more like the person I want to be. I know I won't follow them all the time (ten is a LOT, c'mon now!), but I think just having them as a reference and a reminder for me to become who I want to be will be really good for me. So, I'm sure you know what's coming now...

What are YOUR 10 commandments?
Are these things you want to do or things you already do?
How easy is it to stick to your commandments?

Comments

[Lila Jirel]

This is another nice post.

Personally, I don't have this kind of fixed number of commandments. I don't know when they are made but once I know my commandment, I try my best to be up to date.

It has been some time I have been trying to Celebrate the little things, your commandment number 5. My habit is for example, when it comes to buying mobile phone, I must buy N97, LG-KC910, means both expensive and with many features. Even if someone else bought other simple phone for me, I tend not to use. This applies to other many areas of my life. I think this has created difficulties sometime in my life. This doesn't mean I don't try to look for the best in any area. But, I will look for the big things and dream big enjoying the little things before me and the moment right now.

No one will love you if you don't love yourself.

[green ink]

I'll have to work on mine - I'll let you know!!

Some food for thought for you with regards for Commandment #9: "The Buddha said at one point that if we truly loved ourselves we would never harm another, because if we harm another it is in some way diminishing who we are". I think that relates to #8 as well - I too want to weed out the judgmental people in my life, because that brings out my judgemental side, which I'm trying hard to curb.

I think you're well and truly becoming the you you want to be....thanks as always for the inspiration Dani xox

[Hayden Tompkins]

BRAVO, Dani. This is amazing. It's so focused and and I love love love "rush less, BE more".

[Positively Present]

Lila - Thank you! I don't think a fixed set of commandments would work for everyone, but I think it'll be good for me to have a reference point to come back to you. Celebrating the little things in life is really important because those are often the things that matter most; doing this also helps us to pay more attention and be more present. So true about the loving yourself comment. You have to love yourself first!

Green Ink - Thanks for sharing that quote. I really agree with that and I'd like to live my life that way. When you truly love yourself, you don't put down or harm others. While I don't do that for the most part, I know I could use some improvement in that area. Thanks for your encouragement! I think I'm on the right path at least. :)

Hayden - Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it! Rush less, be more is a huge one for me. I'm SUCH a rusher and I really need to work on relaxing and slowing down.

[Eden]

Dani,
I love this! But I admit it will take some thought! I've started my list while reading yours. I've got 7 more to go. I think a list like this must be personalized to be effective. I will hold mine close all day and see where I need to focus more attention. I just may be surprised.

Thanks for setting the example :)

[Peggy]

Great post Dani and I love your 10 Commandments.

These days mine are simpler than they were a few years ago. I think it comes with being almost 46. I simply more at ease with who I am and I'm with a man who loves me for me. So, there's no contortion on my part to live up to someone else's expectations.

My commandments:

Say Please and Thank You.

Surrond myself with loving, kind people

Smile

Laugh

Love

Take care of my health

Live within my means

Celebrate all the ordinary things that make life extraordinary

Happy Friday!

[Positively Present]

Eden - Thank you! Yes, it definitely takes some thought because you have to figure out what works best for you. Everyone might have completely different commandments from mine! Best of luck coming up with some ideas that work for you.

Peggy - Really great commandments. I really like the simplicity in them -- especially smile, laugh, love. Those are such important things and I'm glad you brought them up! Have a great weekend!

[janice]

Great to see your list and kudos for the DC group! I discovered Gretchen a while ago and tried to write my own commandments. Interestingly, they seem to evolve and change as my kids get deeper and deeper into puberty and I get more and more challenged.

[Srinivas Rao]

Nice post Dani. Sounds like the happiness project is giving you alot of inspiration. My two favorite are unconditional loves and of course being present. Presence is one of the hardest things to accomplish yet, it seems to be the highest level of personal development.

[Jannie Funster]

Just loving this post, Dani. At first I thought teh commandments would be "preachy" but tehy went straight to teh heart, thatnk you!

Okay -- you asked!!

JANNIE'S 10 COMMANDMENTS...
1. No dessert until noon.
2. Keep a smile on my face.
3. Work my day in the hour-long blocks I've been sticking to, works great for me, otherwise I can get lost in cyberspace for longer than alloted.
4. Wear sneakers, rather than other shoes -- I tend to fairly bounce around everywhere and burn more calories.
5. Hug a tree a day, at least one.
6. Kiss a flower a day, tehy love it!
7. Do little nice things for my family daily
8. Tel my family I love them at least 3 times a day (that includes my dogs and cat!)
9. Never give up on something that's challenging but important.
10. And that one about gratitude, yep! That makes the world go 'round.

[Positively Present]

Janice - That's awesome that you've already started working on your commandments. You've brought up a great point about how commandments can change as your life changes. It's important to keep in mind that we can be flexible with our commandments.

Srinivas - Thank you! I've definitely been inspired a great deal by The Happiness Project (both Gretchen's site and the local group). I agree that being present is one of the hardest things to do, but it's one of the greatest ways we can developing ourselves personally.

Jannie - I'm so glad you like this one and that you shared your commandments. I love yours, especially numbers 6, 8, and 9. You've come up with some great ones. Thanks so much for sharing!

[Tabitha]

Hi Dani, I was inspired to create my own 10 Commandments after visiting Gretchen's site as well.

They Are:
* Always Be Tabitha
* Ignore Ignorance
* Spread Love & Love Hard
* Laugh Daily
* Give Your Very Best
* Act With The Sincerest Love & Compassion
* Walk In Complete Faith
* Be Patient
* Live In Sheer Simplicity
* Let It Go

[Coach J]

Ooooh, I'm gonna have to work on mine for quite some time. I wrote a manifesto a while back (it's on my blog), but I've never sat down to write a list of commandments. This could be fun... or painful. :) Thanks for the great idea.

[lisa]

Dani - i've borrowed yours and Tabitha's lists. deep and humble bows of THANKS to you both and to all who've shared their lists here. wonderFULL.

[Positively Present]

Tabitha - That's great! I'm so glad Gretchen inspired you too. I really like your commandments, especially the one about giving your very best. I feel like that's all any of us can do and, no matter what happens, it's such a good feeling to look back and know you gave something your all.

Coach J - Yes, they do take some time to think of because they're pretty important. It's definitely more fun than painful so give it a go!

Lisa - You're welcome. I'm so glad you liked my commandments and Tabitha had some great ones on hers, didn't she? I hope they're helpful for you!

[Syd]

My commandments are basically:
1. Keep the focus on me
2. Accept that I can't change others
3. Be true to myself
4. Live in this day
5. Treat others as I would like to be treated
6. Listen more and talk less
7. Realize that everyone has the right to an opinion
8. Mind my own business
9. Live and let live
10. Easy does it.

[John]

Hey Dani! (I'm sorry I haven't been here more often :P)

This is a really awesome thing you're doing. Mind if I join in:

1. Always try

2. Do your best every time

3. Keep moving forward

4. Always give respect

5. Live life on your own terms

6. Accepting your doubts is the worst risk you can possibly take

7. Always wake up before 10 - I can't tell you how many people are okay with waking up at noon; it's a whole morning wasted!

8. Be yourself

9. The only sure thing in life is yourself

10. Jealously tricks you into thinking everyone else has a lot more than you (when most of the time that's not the case).

Great post, Dani! Hope you like my commandments.

[Dayne]

Dani, you never cease to amaze me with your wonderful articles and posts. Your 10 "Commandments" are just flat out awesome! #1 alone I think is vital for anyone in life.

Thanks again!

Dayne
http://www.TheHappySelf.com

[Ia]

You must be reading my mind! haha 3 of my commandments are the same as yours, Love Myself Unconditionally (though I also include 'accept myself' in this), Seek Out Opportunities, and Celebrate the Little Things.
The other commandments:
~Stand up for what I believe in
~Have Faith in Myself
~Stick to my core values
~Be Honest
~Be More Forgiving of Myself and Others
~Stay Positive
~Be More Patient

[All Women Stalker]

Perfect perfect. I will have to make my own commandments. It's hight-time anyway.

-meream

[Jan]

Dani,
I am not usually a copykat, an original girl I am. But your 10 are my 10. No joke! We must be cosmic twins! I have worked very hard over the last 15 years crafting these and committing every waking breath to living them. If I don't, I get sick, literally. Nearly two years ago, I developed a little heart issue. If I am not following any of these commandments, I get a big ache in my heart. Of course, there is a physical explanation, but the physical is manifested by my emotional state. So when I am not faithful and true, or my mind closes to another, or I am not taking good care of me, my heart aches aches. Go figure! Therefore, because I want to feel really good and have lots of energy to do my life (my way), I keep the Commandments. Great post!

[Sami - Life, Laughs & Lemmings]

OK, here goes (I stole a couple of yours - hope you don't mind!);

1. Live mindfully and breathe.
2. Stay balanced (ie between work and play).
3. Follow my dreams.
4. Look on the bright side.
5. Be grateful.
6. Be patient.
7. Rush less, be more.
8. Accept differences in others.
9. Express my love often.
10. Laugh.

[Positively Present]

Syd - Those are some great commandments! I think that I'm going to have to incorporate some of those into my life too. It's really important to accept that we can't change other people (no matter how much we might want to!).

John - So glad you shared your commandments too. I really enjoyed reading them, especially #1 and #10. It's so important to try... if you don't even give something a shot, you have no chance at all. And jealousy is such a troublesome thing. I guess that's why not coveting things is one of the 10 commandments!

Dayne - I'm glad you like them! It makes me so happy to know that! I agree with you that #1 is really, really important and if I could just get that one down, I think the others would come easily. If only #1 was easy to do...

Ia - Haha, I must be! It's great to know we're on the same page. I really like the ones you added too, especially "have faith in myself" and "stick to my core values," which, I suppose, go hand in hand. Those are really great ones.

Meream - I really got a lot out of making my commandments and I'm sure you will too. It's a great exercise and I think it'll be great as I put them in practice.

Jan - Great to see we're on the same page! It's so interesting to hear that you've been working on these for awhile and that you have a physical reaction when you don't do them. It doesn't surprise me because our bodies really do know things like that. It's important to listen to those physical reminders. They help to keep us on track!

Sami - Of course I don't mind. ;) I'm so glad you wrote out your commandments. They are great ones, especially laughing. That's such a great one and it can be applied in so many ways... I love that a couple of people have brought that one up. It's awesome!

[Anita]

Dani - Give yourself a pat on the back for even writing a list, and secondly, for sharing it publicly. I have found that the longer I live, I've become more understanding of others and, I think, less judgmental. You never know what it's like to walk in another's shoes. Realize that not all people think the same or have the same life experiences. I think the more you seek to try to understand others, and have compassion, the less judgmental you will become. Well, that's just my two cents worth. On another note, I see that you and I are neighbors. Take care, A.

[Positively Present]

Anita - After reading your comment, I did give myself a pat on the back. I've come a LONG way since I first started the blog in terms of being open about myself and that's been pretty hard for me. I love that you brought up the point about walking in another's shoes...As I've gotten older, I've realized that too. You never really know what someone else is going through and it's important to keep that in mind when interacting with others. Understanding others (or trying to) is definitely key and that's a great point you've brought up. Great to know we're neighbors! Let me know if you want to join in on the Happiness Project fun!

[Stephen - Rat Race Trap]

Hi Dani! Really, it's so hard to believe you are the "must-do-it-now" type. LOL! My head spins trying to keep up with all your posts. Where do you find the time???

I'm not organized enough to have a 10 commandments list, but I really like yours. These are all fantastic except maybe the "say yes" one. I think I know what you mean, but just make sure you are saying yes to a few important things and no to all the unimportant stuff.

[Lisa]

I'm much like others. I read your post and then considered, hmmm, what are my 10 commandments. But then I realized that one would actually do for me.
My one commandment would have to be:
Keep looking forward

I think that sums up my life's basis pretty well in one sentence.

Thanks for making us all think about this.

[Positively Present]

Stephen - Hahaha, I know...so hard to believe, right? I'm glad you enjoyed reading my commandments. I know it's not for everyone, but I think it'll help me out a lot when I'm trying to tackle specific areas in my life. Good point about saying yes. I definitely plan to say yes only to the important things, the things that will make my life more positive.

Lisa - I love the simplicity of one commandment and the one you chose is great. It's supported by a very positive mindset that doesn't hold you back in the past. I'd suggest looking around too because there is so much going on right now that's awesome and it's wonderful to be aware of the present moment.

[Jewel/Pink Ink]

Still trying to figure out my rules :-)

Btw, you are one of the winners of my "When Everything Changed" book giveaway. Pls. email me your address (no PO Box) and I will arrange to ship it to you.

My email is pink_ink at q dot com

[Nea]

This was a great post. I love the idea of making personal commandments and I can't wait to develop my own list. Thanks so much for this great idea.

[Walter]

1. Be thankful
2. Be forgiving
3. Forget the bad experiences of my past
4. Learn from my mistakes
5. Believe in myself
6. Dream big
7. Work hard
8. Persevere
9. Develop self mastery
10. Acknowlege my ignorance most of the time
11. Do my best in everything I do

Ooops.. Forgive my excesses. :-)

[Karl Staib - Work Happy Now]

It's always good to set ourselves up to improve and become happier. If we don't shoot for who we want to become we stay stagnant.

1. Give more than I receive.
2. Laugh often.
3. Share stories with friends.
4. Stay curious.
5. Listen more than I talk.
6. Enjoy where I am at by always looking for the beauty.

[Positively Present]

Jewel - Yes, figuring out some rules can definitely take some time. Best of luck with it! And thanks so much for letting me know I won the contest. That's AWESOME. I'm so excited! :)

Nea - Thank you! Developing these commandments helped me to gain a much better perspective on what I want in my life and I hope creating commandments that work for you does the same. Thanks for the comment!

Walter - Haha, don't worry, you can have as many commandments as you want to have. In fact, Gretchen Rubin has 12. I decided to stick with 10, but you can do whatever works for you. I love #2 and #6. I need to keep those in mind as well.

Karl - I agree. Improving ourselves and our happiness is really important for living the best possible lives we can. I love your #4...Being curious -- about life, about people, about ourselves -- is SO important. Great list!

[Laura Scholz]

What a great post! I love Gretchen Rubin! I'll have to think about mine and get back to you.

[Positively Present]

Laura - Thanks for the comment. I think Gretchen is great as well and, in fact, her blog is one of the reasons I was inspired to create mine. I was really excited to use her idea to create my own commandments here. Good luck creating some that work for you! :)

[Laura at The Journal of Cultural Conversation]

Dani - you've inspired me to sit down and create my own list - can I borrow some of yours? What I love about your posts is that you always inspire me to "do" something - always. And it's usually things I haven't thought of or things I keep meaning to do. Thank you for being there!

[Positively Present]

Laura - I'm so glad you're inspired. Since Gretchen inspired me and I inspired you, it's like a chain of inspiration. Awesome! Of course you can borrow some of mine and I'm sure you'll come up with some great ones of your own too. It's good to know that I inspire you to take action. It makes me happy to know that. :)

[Patrice]

Wow! Great list of ten commandments for yourself as a personal development strategy. I will work on mine too. Thanks for sharing the idea.

[Positively Present]

Patrice - Thanks! You should definitely work on some for yourself because it's so helpful to have these. It really helped me to assess what I want in life and what kind of person I want to be. Good luck creating yours!