being positive under pressure

  (♥)

Life isn't always easy. Okay, it's rarely easy. We all face some pretty big "ouch" moments just by being here and it's not always easy to cope. And, more often than not, it's the painful moments that catch us by surprise. Here's an example of how life caught me by surprise recently... Two days ago, I was sitting at my desk, staring out the window at the beautiful, sunny fall afternoon and thinking to myself, "God, I'd give anything to get out of work right now." Less than fifteen minutes later (as I was trying to convince myself to be productive all while being sucked into the sticky, addictive trap that is Twitter), my phone ran. It was my mom, telling me she and my dad were on the way to the hospital because she wasn't feeling well. Though she insisted I stay at work, I grabbed my purse, alerted my boss, and flew out the door and down the highway to the hospital.

 

Be Careful What You Wish For

On the drive to the hospital, I couldn't help but think back to the words I'd been thinking right before I'd received my mom's call. "I'd give anything to get out of work right now..."That "anything" stung when I realized just what it had taken to remove me from my afternoon of boredom. Driving faster than I should have been, I let my mind wander first to the bad ("Oh my god, what if something's really wrong? What if this is something terrible? Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god...") and then to the good ("I'm sure it's no big deal. I'm sure she's just being extra cautious and she's totally fine. I'm going to get there and she's going to be 100% better").

Looking back, I guess those thoughts were less "bad" and "good" and more "terrified" and "idealistic." Either way, my mind was racing and my heart was beating fast and my fingers were clutching the steering wheel like it was an inner tube in a turbulent sea. As much as I hate to admit it, what I felt most in that moment was alive. I felt truly like I had a definite sense of purpose and that all I could do was be in that moment. My mind didn't wander to work or boys or stupid things like shopping. My mind was focused. So focused, in fact, that I listened to more than one song all the way through on my iPod, something I never, ever do (yes, I have a bit of musical ADD). I was intent. I was focused. I was in the now.

 

Be Positive in the Present (Even When It Sucks)

Of course, this wasn't exactly the now I wanted to be in. I would have much preferred to have been back in that "boring" now, the one where I was sitting at my desk, flipping through notes I should have been reading, clicking from Twitter to Gmail and back again. Driving to the hospital, I would have given anything to have been in a banal moment of a regular day at work rather than hurrying to find out if my mom -- who had been sick for days and who has always had severe asthma, landing her in the hospital on more than one occasion -- was going to be okay. I would have preferred another moment for sure, but I was grateful for the opportunity, at the very least, to use the positive skills I'd been saving up.

For months and months and months I've been working on being a more positive person but, quite frankly, I'm not often put to the test. Not to say that my life has been ideal since I started on this journey of positive thinking -- far from it! -- but I haven't had to face any huge hurdles. You know, situations that would test me and force me to see if I really could be positive when life was throwing lemons at me. And here I was, taking that positivity out for a test drive. Though I was upset (struggling not to cry) and anxious (driving like a mad woman), I still had the power to choose a positive attitude. And, no matter what my mother was facing in that hospital room, a positive attitude was really the only option. I couldn't drag any of my old negativity behind that emergency room curtain. No, I had to put my game face on. I had to embrace the positivity for all it was worth because this was it. This was what a positive attitude was all about.

 

Be a Positive Inspiration for Others

After pulling into an incredibly tiny parking space and rushing into the hospital where I found my mom and dad in hurry-up-and-wait mode in the waiting room, I realized that, though my hands were shaking like a rattling old train car and my heart was fluttering like a moth against a brightly lit window, I could do this. I could see the good in the situation, make the best of whatever we had to face, and I could make my mom feel like everything was going to be okay. After all, isn't that what she'd done for me for the past twenty-six years? Hadn't she always been there, reassuring me that everything was going to be alright? And, more importantly, hadn't she always been right? Hadn't things always turned out okay in the end? I could, just like my mom, put a positive spin on the situation. Or, at least, I could try.

And try I did. I did my best to be cheerful, to offer distractions, and to keep focusing on the positive. Of course this wasn't the easiest thing to do considering the hospital room backdrop (I thought I was going to freak out when, for the first time in real life, I saw a strapped-in, face-masked body being wheeled by on a gurney. Yikes!), but I did the best I could. Even with all of the waiting and the worrying, I think I did a pretty good job staying positive. And even when the doctor, without even looking up from his clipboard, said the much-feared letter and number combo -- H1N1 -- I still managed to be pretty upbeat. After all, I rationalized (or is it realized?), being negative wasn't going to help my mom get any better. The best thing for her would be lots of rest, following the doctor's orders, and having a positive attitude. And how could she have a positive attitude if those around her weren't positive?  

In this situation, it was certainly tempting to see the negative side of things, especially with the way this whole H1N1 thing has been explored in the media, but I made a choice then and there in that hospital room. I was going to be positive. And, though I'd love to be able to tell you that my mom is 100% better, miraculously cured, I do think having a positive attitude -- and surrounding herself with positive people -- really does help. Well, it certainly doesn't hurt. It's important to remember that even when facing some of those "ouch" or "oh no" moments, a positive attitude is one of your best weapons. Hard as it might be to hold on to when you're faced with difficulty, it can make a huge difference not only in your life but the lives of those around you.

 

Be Grateful for the Power of Positivity

Often times people think that having a positive attitude during a difficult time is a sign that you don't care enough or you're being idealistic. I will argue that that's just not true. Of course I care about my mom and don't want anything bad to happen to her. Of course I'm worried and upset and scared by that tiny little virus that's found it's way into her body. Of course I don't take this situation lightly at all. But none of those things are lessened if I have a positive attitude about the situation and firmly believe that my mom will be better in no time. Being positive doesn't mean you're naive or indifferent; being positive means you have the strength to stand up to a negative situation, to courageously refute negativity and embrace the good that lies in the now (even if that now seems pretty shitty).

If this situation had happened a year ago, I bet I'd be sitting at my desk panicky, frantically researching H1N1, and holding back tears. Now, with this positive attitude like a card up my sleeve, I'm calm. I'm relaxed. Of course I'm still worried and nervous and scared, but I know that focusing on those negative emotions won't help me and it won't help my mom either. Instead, I'm trying the best I can to believe that she'll be well soon (Law of Attraction!) and to send positive vibes her way.

Honestly, I'm grateful. I'm really grateful for the positive outlook I'm sitting here with. Like a close friend, it's comforting and reassuring and it makes me realize, for the first time, that I have made major changes in my life and that all of the work I've done to create a more positive mindset really is paying off. Yes, readers. positivity really does work. If you're not already giving positive thinking a try -- and I mean a really, really good try -- I suggest you get started ASAP. There's no time like the present to start thinking positively! 

Worried about H1N1? Remember that stressing about it doesn't make you any less likely to get it. Instead, do what you can to prevent catching or spreading the disease by staying healthy, washing your hands, and avoiding sharing drinks, makeup, etc. with others. For more H1N1 prevention tips, visit the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. 

 

Looking for some more positivity? Recently I've had the opportunity to be featured on not one but two awesome blogs. Yesterday my post "Putting Knowledge Into Action" was featured on Tiny Buddha and today my post "Making a Positive Mindset Your Favorite Accessory" is up on Life, Laughs, & Lemmings. If you have a moment or two, check out these great sites today!

Comments

[Peggy]

Staying positive under pressure.

Hi Dani,

I hope you mom is doing well! I've recently lived through an otherwise crappy situation (http://serendipitysmiles.com). My daughter and her fiance flew in from Ireland Oct 6. They were scheduled to get married on Oct 17. Only customs wouldn't allow my future son-in-law into the country. They sent him back to Ireland the same day as he arrived. My daughter and I waited in terminal E at Logan for 3 hours, not knowing anything. I kept reminding her that no matter what was happening, everything was going to be fine - mostly because nothing catastrophic was actually happening.

We had to cancel a wedding.

We still had to accomodate wedding guests who had non-refundable tickets and still flew in for a visit (I got to meet my future SIL's parents and one of his brothers!)

We went proper wedding dress shopping (my daughter was going to wear something casual Oct 17) with her fiance's mother.

And I decided to go to Dublin in January to help my daughter plan her "proper wedding in a proper place." (She likes the word "proper.")

[Gretchen]

Great post and an excellent example! Thanks for keeping it real.

[Positively Present]

Peggy - Thanks! She's not better yet, but she's not getting worse so I'll take that as a good sign. Wow, that's quite an ordeal you had to deal with. I can't even imagine! It sounds like you handled it well, considering all that you had to deal with, and you guys are making the best of a difficult situation.

Gretchen - Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed the post. I like the whole concept of "keeping it real" and take that as a true compliment! :)

[PPB]

you've positively been linked:

http://privatepracticeblogs.blogspot.com

[Jay Schryer]

I'm glad that your mom was able to be diagnosed quickly. Getting the right diagnosis and starting medicine quickly is key to a full recovery, and you all have handled that part remarkably well! I'm sure she'll start to feel better soon.

But more to the point of your post...staying positive in times of stress...I believe some congratulations are in order! I know it might feel weird, but really, you deserve a huge dose of credit for being able to stay calm (mostly) and focused on the positive. You're truly an inspiration to all of us.

[Srinivas Rao]

Great post Dani. I hope your mom feels better soon. I think you did an amazing job staying positive under pressure. It's definitely not an easy task.

[Rosa]

Hey Dani,

Too bad about your mom! I`m sending good vibes so she gets better soon :) I think it`s awesome you`re having that attitude right now, Im sure it helps a LOT and I know for sure it is not easy, but practice makes perfect right? Also, you`re being a great example for the rest of your family because positivity is contagious, you`ll see, everything will be just fine :)
BTW, loved the pic!

[Ideas With A Kick]

If you can stay positive under pressure, you can do it anytime. Our minds tend to make negative interpretations and dramatize things especially when under pressure. But it's like they say in New York, New York: "If you can make it there, you'll make it anywhere".

Eduard

[Gail @ A Flourishing Life]

Wishing your family well, Dani. Being positive is wonderful, especially in challenging situations, but it can take a lot of effort. I find it useful to take some moments to allow whatever feelings are present to simply be there. When I stop resisting them, I feel more grounded as I move forward.

[Positively Present]

PPB - Wow! Thank you! I appreciate the link. :)

Jay - Yes, me too. The sooner the better when it comes to diagnosis of H1N1. Thanks so much for your support! It wasn't easy to stay positive and I think, overall, I did a pretty decent job of it. :)

Srinivas - Thank you! I hope she feels better soon too and I appreciate your supportive words.

Rosa - Thanks for the good vibes! I agree that practice makes perfect and I think this was a really good example of how my practicing positivity has paid off. I'm glad you liked the pic. It seemed to fit well with this one!

Eduard - Very true! Staying positive under pressure really sets us up for staying positive on an everyday basis. Love that you brought the "New York, New York" song into your comment. So surprisingly fitting!

Gail - Thank you for your well wishes. I appreciate them! Being positive definitely takes a lot of effort and, as you said, it's important not to ignore the feelings you have (even negative feelings). Addressing feelings is one of the best ways I've found to encourage positivity because I dont' have underlying unhappiness in my mind.

[All Women Stalker]

Hope your mother is doing okay, Danni. I know that it's very hard to stay positive in times of trouble but keeping the hope alive truly does help. Besides, nobody likes a person who constantly mopes. Haha

-meream

[Positively Present]

Meream - Thank you! I think she might be doing slightly better today and it's probably do to the great positive vibes people are sending her way. Great point about people who mope -- nobody likes that! PS - Thanks for linking to this post on your site! :)

[Miche]

Wow, great post. I definitely hope your mom recovers soon. And congrats for staying positive in a tough situation, where panic could be lurking around any corner.

I believe having a positive attitude in situations over which we have no control, especially the "oh-no" and "scary" ones, is really helpful. It's easy to get caught up in fear, dread, and anxiety but those things usually always make a bad situation worse.

I was just thinking about this same thing last night. I was driving my car very late on a dark road, far from home, and it started making a strange rumbling sound like a tire was going to go spinning off, or something worse.

My imagination started coming up with a thousand scenarios, how awful that might be, how I might crash, lose control of the car, be stuck on the side of a very dark abandoned (and very creepy) road.... but then I stopped. I saw how this thinking was beginning to take me to a bad place where that would lessen my ability to handle whatever was going to happen. I thought to myself, well, if the car does go spinning out of control some how, if I'm calm and cool, I'll be in better control of it when it does. So, instead of panic, I started thinking confidently, having hope and faith that everything would be okay. I changed my outlook to a more positive one. That calmed me right down, and though it took a bit of conscious work to stay in that place, it was far better than the alternative!

Thanks for sharing this and for reminding us how a positive attitude can help us handle difficult, emotionally challenging situations, however big or small.

Again, hope your mom has a speedy, easy recovery.

Cheers,
Miche :)

[Positively Present]

Miche - Thanks for your comment! I really appreciated reading the example you shared. As you know from experience, staying positive in the face of scary situations is one of the best things we can do for ourselves. After all, what does panicking or getting upset really do for us? Nothing positive, that's for sure! Thanks for the thoughtful wishes for my mom! :)

[Hayden Tompkins]

Oh, the power of unintentional intentions. I've been hit with this one before. Like how my goal for 2009 was to GET RID OF ALL OF MY DEBT NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES and I ended up filing for bankruptcy.

Just a thought, I've notice that sometimes people push us to be negative during "bad" times because they think that if we aren't, we aren't accepting reality. Or if we let it take over then they can comfort us.

I guess my point is that our intentions can be very powerful, even an intent to be positive. Another way to think of your "I would rather be anywhere but here" thought is that I think we subconsciously know sometimes when something is wrong with a loved one. Maybe that was the way your brain prepping you to be on the move?

[Steven]

Hi Dani,

This is a great post. Not only does it teach what it means to be positive, but you've actually got fresh personal experience (although not too pleasant) to share with all of us.

With your post, I completely agree you when you said that your positivity attitude really shines when its put to the test. Just like you, I've been trying to keep myself positive for multiple months, and just recently it really feels like what I've learned is been put to the real test. So far, you are right, being positive is extremely important - otherwise what is the point? lol

To judge a real person's inner character is to see how they would react under a stressful situation, and you've done quite well :) so I give you a 9.302 from the judge's panel. lol jk

anyways, good post and i hope your mother heals completely and just like you is positive. :)

[Kate I]

Sending healing thoughts to your mother for a speedy recovery Dani.

Isn't it great when we can see the changes we've undergone and how they're impacting our life in such a positive way...all that hard work and determination is paying off!

[Char (PSI Tutor:Mentor)]

All the best to your mum, family and you ~:-)

[Annabel Candy, Get In the Hot Spot]

Hope she gets well soon. Thank heavens you managed to stay positive, the last thing anyone needs when they're sick is people hanging around whispering and asking if they're okay. Much better to just act as if everything will be back to normal soon and try to make light of the unpleasant situation.

Hospitals are the worst and will try anyone's patience so if you can stay positive there you can do it anywhere!

One of my kids fell over in Singapore once and had to have stitches.

When I got to the hospital the first thing I saw was a sign basically saying:

"Don't bring anyone who doesn't need to be here to the hospital as it's full of germs."

The second thing I saw was my other son (the healthy one) pretending to have a drink from one of those plastic things shaped like a boot designed for peeing in!!

Yuck!

Needless to say my kids have good immunity systems these days:)

[Diggy - Upgradereality.com]

Hey Dani!

Wow, thanks for sharing, that must have been scary. I think I also had that H1N1, I was really sick for a good 4 weeks, but never went to the doctor. :P Just decided to see what happens and if I get better.

We must indeed be careful what we wish for, because sometimes we may just get it like in your case, and then end up regretting it!

Thanks Dani :)

[Barbara Swafford]

Hi Dani,

Here's hoping your mom is doing better. I'll keep her in my thoughts and prayers.

And yes. Staying calm and positive under pressure can make a big difference.

[Melissa Donovan]

You're in your twenties? All this time I thought you were much older because you seem quite wise. Positive thinking really shows its power during testing times, such as the experience you've had with your mom. Isn't it wonderful that positivity helps you get through it and also helps those around you? And keep up the healing thoughts too. Law of attraction! What an inspiring post.

[Positively Present]

Hayden - You're so right about how some people think that if we aren't being negative, we aren't accepting reality. It's actually amazing how often that happens and it's just not true that being positive means you're not being real. And you're also probably right about sensing something was wrong and knowing that I was needed elsewhere.

Steven - Thanks for your comment! I agree that without positivity there's not really a point. We have to keep working on it and it's great to see what happens when that hard work pays off! A 9.302 is pretty darn good! Haha.

Kate I - Thanks for the wishes for my mom! It really is amazing to see what happens when hard work (and, yes, for me being positive IS hard work) really pays off.

Char - Thank you so much! I appreciate it!

Annabel - Thanks! You've made a great point that the last thing someone who's not feeling well needs is someone negative around. Positivity is so important in situations like this one! Hospitals are definitely unpleasant, but having a negative attitude only makes them more so.

Diggy - Glad you overcame whatever sickness you had. I think a lot of people are getting the dreaded H1N1 and it's no fun at all. As you said, it's so important to be careful what you wish for. That law of attraction can be a powerful thing!

Barbara - Thank you! Absolutely -- staying calm and positive is key to dealing with pressure.

Melissa - Yep! I recently turned 26, but lots of people say I have an "old soul". Thanks for thinking I'm wise! I'm mostly just going along, trying to figure this whole life thing out, and I'm learning so much all the time. Being positive is one of the greatest challenges I've come up against in my life and it's really helped me tremendously to work on this. Thanks for your comment! :)

[knallan]

Hi!

Thanks for the post. I truly hope your mom is doing better now. And about the post, I really have to say that I definitely agree with your last paragraph. People often don't believe that thinking positive is the best thing to do in such a position, when in fact it is the best thing you can do, because when we stay positive we make other people think positive.

knallan
www.ifeelgreat.co.cc

[Jen]

Hi Dani
I hope all is well with your Mum :). Thanks for a really inspiring post. It's these times you see how far you've come in and when you also really need it.
Thanks Dani
Jen

[Positively Present]

Knallan - You're welcome. People really do shy away from positive thinking at times because they think it's not being realistic when, in fact, it's the best way to make the most of whatever real situation you're dealing with.

Jen - Thanks! I don't think she's worse, but I'm really looking forward to the day she's back to her old self again. I'm glad you enjoyed the post!

[Stephanie Smith]

Dani,
I read your blog because I know in my head that I NEED more positivity in my life. Unfoutunately for me, that goal seems hard to attain becausemy "energy vampires" are my divorced parents. My mom has more bad days than good and the glass is always half empty. My Dad has retreated into the "I don't care because if I do , it hurts, so I'll just have another beer and pretend it's all good.
Of course, it's NEVER all good! Plus as an only child of these 2 divorced people , who are like stangers compared to the people I knew growing up, I get the brunt of it.
"Hearing " you talk about this medical emergency, I realized something- in those situations, I AM positive -at least on the outside. As some one with a nursing degree, I am well able to cope with medical emergencies and be calm and positive and rational. Due to a stupid mistake that has nothing to do with the medical degree, I am no longer a nurse, except in my heart. I have sat at my husband's bedside while he lay in a medically induced coma and as they tried to bring him out and failed, I hung in there. When one day the pain was too great and he kept trying to get me to leave the room, just for aminute - I held his hand and stared into his eyes, infusing him with all the willpower I possessed -that I would NOT let him slip away. I told him we would get through it and we did. He readily tells friends that I saved his life (more than once, but that's for another time) -he remembers -I refused to let go.
I guess it just shows that some people are better equipped to deal with different situations and I admire that you are turning your life around. You have much to be proud of and despite my despondent ramblings, I wish you mom the very best!

[BeTrulyHappy]

Hello,

Another great article. This was very helpful. It's not the situation that defines someone, but what they make out of the situation. Stay positive no matter what.

I liked it.

Thanks.

[Positively Present]

Stephanie - I'm so glad that my blog helps to bring more positivity into your life. It's very hard when you have people who drain positivity in your life, but it's important to set up boundaries (even if they are with your parents) so that you can live a life filled with as much happiness as possible. It sounds like it's a very difficult situation for you, but you need to focus on the people in your life (friends? other non-immediate family?) that bring more positivity than negativity to you. From what you've said, it really seems like you have the power to be a positive person and you need to focus on that and surround yourself with people who bring that positivity out in you.

BeTrulyHappy - Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed this post and found it helpful. It really does come down to not what situations we're in but what we make out of those situations.

[Syd]

Dani, I find that I am calm in situations that panic a lot of people. I guess that it's the scientist's brain. But there have been times when I have had to put on the brave face. I don't think panic does much good.
I hope that your mother will be better soon. Take care of yourself.

[Positively Present]

Syd - That's awesome that you can be calm when others are not because, in all honesty, panicking really doesn't do anything for anyone. I think my mom's finally getting better. Thanks for the comment and well wishes!

[City Girl]

This was a fantastic post. I linked to it from my blog but then forgot to leave a comment here until now. Hope your mom is feeling better.

[Positively Present]

City Girl - Thank you! I appreciate the link love and my mom is finally feel better. :)