finding hope on the bright side of the road

  (♥)

When author Anne Marie Bennett sent me a copy of her book Bright Side of the Road: A Spiritual Journey Through Breast Cancer, I wasn't sure what to think. I didn't have breast cancer and, though I just saw that 1 in 10 women in my state will be affected by breast cancer, I didn't know anyone that had breast cancer. I'm pretty scared of anything relating to doctors or medicine (yeah, I need to work on that...), so I couldn't imagine that I would be able to get through the book, let alone get something out of reading it. But, boy, was I wrong. Bennett's book touched me deeply and, more than anything, inspired me. I couldn't believe how positive and inspired Bennett was throughout her difficult struggles with breast cancer.

As someone who struggles on a daily basis being positive in my nearly perfect, privileged, healthy life, I was amazed to read about Bennett's strength, her positivity, and her ability to live in the present moment (even when the present moment was a rotten one). I was literally reading open-mouthed at points, thinking to myself, "Really? She's going to see the bright side of this situation? There's no WAY I could do that!" As I was reading, I was sick in bed with a cold, feeling achy and uncomfortable and frustrated that I was wasting my weekend in bed. It was the perfect time for me to read the book, to realize that, even though I wasn't feeling well, I had it pretty darn good. I honestly feel that if I am ever going through a hard time -- no matter how big or small -- I will think of Bennett and remember her strength. I don't know if, in the face of adversities like the one she faced, I could be as positive as she was, but I like to believe that I could. Here are some of the great tidbits of inspiration I gained from Bennett's book about thinking positively and living in the present moment. 

Thinking Positively 

"I have breast cancer and I'm going to survive it.
 It's not going to kill me; it's just going to be one more interesting thing about me...
 I decided to believe it with all of my being--body, mind, and soul." 

Reading those words in Bennett's book nearly brought me to tears. What if we all thought that way? What if we went through a really hard time and, instead of taking the woe-is-me approach, we chose to think of whatever was happening to us as something that would be one more interesting thing about us? Honestly, any bad thing I've gone through has made me a more interesting person and it's amazing that Bennett could see that in the moment, when she was dealing with one of the hardest things a person can deal with. We should all think like Bennett when faced with difficult situations. We should think to ourselves, "This is one more interesting thing about me!" 

 

"I don't know if changing my thinking patterns takes courage.
 Maybe it does. But I do know it's healthier for me.
 I do know that I feel better physically and emotionally when I do it.
 It's like choosing what to eat based on how you'll feel afterward,
  rather than the taste of it right now." 

Bennett might not know, but I know for sure that changing thinking patterns takes a LOT of courage. Having done a lot of changing lately in the way I choose to view the world and my life, I know how hard it can be (and this is coming from someone who is pretty healthy...). It's hard to change in general, but changing the way you think is the hardest thing to change. I was so impressed when I read the words written by Bennett and I completely agree that it's so much healthier to think positively and to summon the courage to look for the good. In particular, Bennett's analogy to eating really resonated with me. It's tempting to eat what we want in the moment (anger, hate, fear, etc.) but we'll end up feeling sick later if we don't choose a healthy option (happiness, positivity, love, etc.). 

"Family and friends see me expressing courage because I experience the fear,
 then I decide that something else (joy, laughter, health) is more important.
 So it's a choice that I make. It's always a choice." 

I talk about this often on Positively Present, but happiness is always a choice. Every single day, every single moment, we have the choice to think positively or to think negatively. Sometimes the choice is very easy, but, as Bennett probably knows well, sometimes it is very, very hard. I cannot imagine being in Bennett's shoes and reading about her choice to make something more important than fear is beyond inspiring. I imagine that if I were in her position, I would be overcome with fear. But Bennett chooses positive thinking and, clearly, it impacts the way she handles the difficult situation. 

"Maybe I could look at [losing my hair] as one more hurdle
to get over before this adventure is through.
Maybe I could look at it as a lesson in discovering
who I am apart from my appearance.
 A lesson in remembering, accentuating,
and actually believing in my inner beauty." 

Inner beauty is a concept that's hard for anyone to grasp, but I imagine that it would be very hard not to focus on your appearance when you're losing your hair from chemo. Bennett's choice to focus on the positive and direct her attention to her inner beauty is so wonderful and shares such a great message about what it means to look at the bright side of things. She could have given into despair, but instead she chose to accept what was without resisting it. I'm sure it wasn't easy to accept the changes happening to her body, but Bennett makes the amazing decision to focus on her inner beauty and uses the difficult situation to learn a lesson about life.

Living In The Present

 

"Less than two weeks have passed and I have somehow
been led to the edges of acceptance of [the cancer]...
I wonder if it is just me and my positive mindset,
 or is this true of any disastrous news?
Can the human spirit really adapt to anything?"

 

I don't know if human spirits can adapt to anything, but I do know that Bennett's ability to adapt to the situation is amazing. Though of course she had times when she was feeling down or upset, overall her attitude was positive and uplifting. She accepted the situation for what it was, though I assume that must not have been easy. It's not always easy to accept the moment we're in, but Bennett did so and gained strength from her acceptance. It was reading this that I realized that, if we don't accept what's happening to us, we won't properly be able to fight against it. Bennett accepted her situation and was able to use her positive attitude to make the most of it. 

"I am slowly discovering that to experience this joy is a choice.
 First, I choose to to accept the breast cancer...
Accepting the cancer's presence is not the same as wanting it,
nor does it mean I give it control."

 

One of the things I think a lot of people fear when they accept something is that they are giving it control. It might seem that because you are accepting a situation that you are giving into it and letting it have control over you, but that's not the case. To live a happy live in the present moment, we have to accept what's happening to us -- both the good and the bad. Easier said than done, of course, but the next time you think you can't accept what's happening to you think of of Bennett and her incredible ability to accept the cancer that was in her body. She accepted it and dealt with it, and that positive attitude helped her to make the most of what was out of her control.  

"If I'm truly living with [the fact that we will all die someday],
then every moment is more precious to me, more valuable, more keenly felt...
And that deep present moment living is the beginning of a deep, deep joy."

 

Living in the moment is one of the most important things we can do, whether we're in a good moment or a bad one. It's not easy when it's the bad moments we're facing, but it's often the bad moments that help us to realize the value of the good in our lives. Sometimes it's the hard things that make the good things come so much more easily to us. I couldn't agree more with Bennett's assessment that deep present moment living is the beginning of deep joy. No matter what moment you're in, if you're fully living in it, you will be able to see the joy around you. There is joy even in the most painful moments, if we only open our eyes, pay attention, and be present. 

 "Every moment is precious.
 I awaken with this sentence permanently etched in my mind,
and claim it as my personal mantra."

 

I truly believe that, if we're living in the moment, we'll find that every moment is precious, important, meaningful. When we're rushing around and focused on the next thing (as I often am), we tend to ignore many of our moments, passing over them quickly in search of the next thing to do. Sometimes it takes a painful experience -- like the one Bennett faced -- to remind us that all of our moments are important. Even the most mundane or sad or boring moments are important and worthy of our attention. Which is why it's so important for us to stay in the present. We have these moments for a reason and we should, as Bennett has done, realize the value in them and appreciate them fully. 

After reading these quotes (only a few of the many words of wisdom in Bennett's book!), I hope you are as inspired as I am by her words. Bennett's situation is not unique -- many, many women are diagnosed with breast cancer each year -- but the way she handled the situation certainly is. I would like to believe that anyone would handle a life-threatening cancer diagnosis the same way Bennett did, but I know that's just not true. Not everyone would have the courage to embrace happiness in the face of pain or have the will to think positively in the face of a negative situation. Bennett is absolutely inspiring and helped me to realize that any negativity I've been holding onto is not worth it. We all have challenges to face, and one of the greatest challenges we have is what kind of attitude we are going to have in the face of adversity. It's not easy to choose the bright side of the road, but it's the best way to get through any challenge in your life. I'm grateful that Bennett reached out to me and sent me a copy of her book. Reading her words brought me into the present moment, reminded me to be grateful, and, most importantly, gave me hope that having a positive attitude really does make a difference. 

While reading Bennett's book and preparing this post, I was asked to join Blogging for a Cause, a team creating an e-book that will donate proceeds to the Susan G. Komen foundation, which raises money to support breast cancer research. If you're a blogger, click the link if you'd like to participate. If you're not a blogger, but would like to help out, stay tuned for the debut of the e-book which will feature great articles from great bloggers. And if you know anyone who is battling breast cancer (or simply anyone who wants to read about an inspiring woman with a powerful, positive attitude), check out Bennett's book Bright Side of the Road: A Spiritual Journey Through Breast Cancer. 

Comments

[Armen Shirvanian]

Hello to you Dani.

Your connecting with the words of the author was appreciated, as the messages you extracted from parts of the book matched up well with much of what you normally mention. Taking a good hard look at those who have a struggle we see as something that would affect us in a large way can help us gain perspective about our presence and what it represents. It is almost like a pre-struggle of our own to absorb the message of another's struggle, as it reduces the fear that we have that being in that predicament is an end-all.

I have a built-in habit of absorbing any tough circumstances I see others in, because it could just as easily be me, so it's not like I'm looking at someone of a different species or something.

Thanks for the insight and linkage to the author's excerpts.

[Lance]

Hi Dani,
And reading over this, I'm moved at the power of the human spirit. Even more than that, though, it has me thinking - like you - of really how good I do have it. The question then, am I really seeing my life that way? And the part that really jumped out at me was about living in the moment. I suppose, facing cancer - you do in a way, give death some more thought. And it makes the moments that you do have so much more meaningful. The thing is, of course, we're all dying - each one of us - but when life is "good", do we remember this, and do we fully live in the moment? Hmmm....something I know I can work on. Very much, that section was so moving for me to read.

Dani, thank you for sharing this - it really has me thinking about life and truly living...and where I'm at on that journey.

And a special thank you, as well, for the link for "Blogging for a Cause". I really appreciate your support of this, and welcome anyone who would like to join in.

[Positively Present]

Armen - Reading Bennett's book really did help me to gain perspective on my life and to realize how many great things (like health!) I have to be grateful for. It also made me realize how important being positive and living in the present moment are, two things I strive for every day. Thanks for the comment!

Lance - This book definitely made me see how lucky I am, as well as how important being positive (even in the face of adversity) is. I was completely inspired by reading the book and it's helped me to feel much more grateful for my health and the health of those around me. You're welcome for linking to "Blogging for a Cause"! I'm so excited to be a part of it and I hope lots of people join in and participate. :)

[Tom Volkar / Delightful Work]

"Every single day, every single moment, we have the choice to think positively or to think negatively."

That's what it all boils down to Dani, that beautiful choice of bold awareness. I always like reading your post because they drip with the sincerity of one who practices what she writes about. Namaste

[Christopher Laney]

Thanks for sharing. I have always been moved and inspired by people that face extreme hardship and keep positive. I think, what in the world do I have to complain about? Nothing!

I enjoy your posts.

[Positively Present]

Tom - It's so true that we have that choice all the time. It's hard to remember sometimes, but I couldn't help but be completely and utterly inspired by Bennett's ability to choose a positive outlook in the face of such a difficult struggle. I can't say that I always have a positive outlook, but I really am trying and I find that it's making such a huge difference in my life. Thanks for the comment!

Christopher - You're welcome! I was more than happy to share Bennett's positive outlook with those who read this blog. She's inspired me and I hope she inspires my readers as well. When you really stop and think about it, it's amazing how much there is to be positive about and grateful for!

[Amanda Linehan]

Hi Dani - I'm glad you've shared this with us this morning. I kept seeing phrases like "this adventure" in the quotes you used from the book, and that's a testament to the way that we can choose how we view a situation - even something as difficult as cancer. I especially liked the quote about choosing fear vs. choosing courage. There is no such thing as being fearless, but we don't have to base our decisions on it. Thanks!

[Dawn]

What a beautiful positive message. It's unfortunate that so many people come to this "enlightenment" because they are faced with our imortality...Which is a lesson that we should embrace from birth.

I think I will have to get this book for myself. Thank you for sharing.

[Positively Present]

Amanda - That's a great point about the word "adventure." It really is amazing how we can change the way we view a situation with something as simple as a word. Also, choosing to make other things more important than fear is one of the key lessons I took away from reading Bennett's book. I'm glad you picked up on that too!

Dawn - As you noted, it's often the hardest situations that cause people to realize what's really important in their lives, which is why we can learn so much from people who have been through struggles and have shared their stories with us. I'm grateful to have learned so many wonderful lessons from Bennett's book and I hope you find it as inspiring as I did!

[Kaushik]

Hi Dani,

It's wonderful that you've connected with the author's Anne Marie Bennet's experience. All pain, in my experience, sprouts from the pain of separation. I think Krishnamurti said that entire misery of humanity lies between the subject and object, meaning in the separation. From this separation, we build up all sorts of negativity. And that's why your advice to live in the present is so important. In presence, we can notice and let go of these patterns painful emotions. But for some reason we have come to believe that it is difficult to let go of negativity.

Thanks for the insight.

k

[Jannie Funster]

I think I am humbled as much as inspired by reading this, Dani. If she who has gone through so much has chosen to be happy, why can't able-bodied me be doing more to help the world in general? This makes me want to re-examine my life-path and do some improving.

Thank you for sharing your usual insight.

[Positively Present]

Kaushik - It was definitely great to connect with Bennett's experience. Thank you for sharing your thoughts about pain and separation. That's such an interesting (and true!) way of thinking about it and I really like how you brought it back to the concept of presence. Thanks for the comment!

Jannie - I felt the same way when I read Bennett's book. It was really humbling to read about someone who had been through such a hard experience and who was still so positive. I also want to take a look at my life and see how I can be more grateful and inspired by what's around me.

[Liara Covert]

As you reconnect with the truth of what you are, the need for hope dissolves. Hope is often grounded in fear of not having. You always have all you need. You expand and love unconditionally.

[Josten]

I had came across a lady that i had spoken with a few times at work. She and i were talking about her cancer and how she is being positive and it is helping. Great post it helped me appreciate positive thinking even more.

[Positively Present]

Liara - You bring up a good point about hope and how we can change the need for it by truly connecting to the truth of what you are. I think that idea goes hand in hand with accepting what is, which is one of the most important things we can do.

Josten - It really does seem like a positive outlook really helps in any difficult situation. Of course, it's not always easy to be positive, but it's ultimately worth it to put that extra effort in. Perhaps your coworker would enjoy Bennett's book. It's very inspiring!

[Diggy - Upgradereality.com]

Heya Dani!

Beautiful post! I've read similar biographies of people struggling with a serious illness and overcoming it. One was a japanese lady who had cancer, and she decided she was going to beat it, so she switched to a totally healthy diet, watched movies that made her laugh everyday, had the support from all her firends and family and with her positive attitude over a period of a few months she managed to get over her cancer while the doctors had only given her 3 months to live.

It's beautiful what you can achieve with positive thinking and a will to get through it, and support from family and friends:)

Thanks for sharing!
Cheers!
Diggy

[Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord]

What an incredible sounding woman, and thank you for reviewing her book here, and also mentioning the Blogging for a Cause project. You're a ray of sunshine for doing so!

[Positively Present]

Diggy - Wow, that's an amazing story! It just goes to show what the power of a positive lifestyle can do for people. We have a lot of power within us to be positive and it's great to learn from others who have used positive thinking in times of difficulty.

Megan - She is definitely incredible! I cannot imagine seeing the bright side the way she did, but I suppose you never know how you'll react until you're faced with a situation. Thanks for your comment about Blogging for a Cause. I'm happy to be a part of it!

[Lisa]

My neighbor was diagnosed with breast cancer and I have been going through this with her, so this hits very close to my heart.

The book sounds wonderful - painful, sad, joyful and above all, moving.

It's sad if we wait until getting cancer until we grow.

[Mark]

Thank-you for sharing your find! There are many great lessons in your post and in the quotes that you provided. I am inspired by what you wrote here and I have added this as a book I want to read.

[Positively Present]

Lisa - Your neighbor should definitely read this book. It was so inspiring and uplifting and I think anyone struggling with cancer would get a lot out of it. I agree that we should all be looking for inspiration and hope in our lives long before we are faced with a difficult struggle, which is why reading books like Bennett's serves as a great reminder for all of us to be grateful and to enjoy all of the moments we have.

Mark - You're welcome! I learned so much from reading Bennett's book and I'm so glad I had the opportunity to share her insights here on PP. I hope you get a chance to read her book because it's a great example of how positive thinking can really impact a life!

[Sami - Life, Laughs & Lemmings]

I tell you, it's stories like these that make you realise the power of the human spirit. What an inspiration she is. Thanks for sharing this story Dani.

[Jessica]

Found your blog through The Happiness Project, and I have to say, I am extremely glad I did.

As someone who has lost loved ones to breast cancer, I'm so happy to have stumbled upon this site on the day you posted such a great review of such a powerful-sounding book.

I'm getting myself a copy. :)

Thank you!!

[Positively Present]

Sami - I agree! Reading about people like Bennett really inspire me and make me realize that we have the ability to be positive in any situation if we choose to have that attitude. And a positive attitude can make all the difference!

Jessica - I'm so glad you found my blog too! It's great how one blog can lead to another, isn't it? I really enjoyed Bennett's book and I hope you do as well. It's very inspiring and really illustrates the importance of having a positive outlook. Thanks for stopping by and commenting! :)

[Hayden Tompkins]

I was just curious if you had ever read "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl? He survived the Holocaust in a concentration camp and this book is what he wrote afterward. It sounds like it shares a great similarity with "Bright Side of The Road" and I think it would really speak to you.

P.S. I'm having the hardest time picking a post for the book! I'm glad to see you're participating. :)

[Tess The Bold Life]

I agree...what an amazing woman! Oh my, what a way to look at losing her hair by focusing on her beauty within. Every sentence you wrote out of the book is inspiring. I love your thoughts on it as well. Thanks for bringing my attention to this book. I'm going to go check it out. I'm grateful!

[Positively Present]

Hayden - I've never read that book but I've heard of it. I'll have to add it to my pile on Goodreads.com. It sounds like it would be very inspiring! ... I'm sure any post you pick will be great! Yours always are!

Tess - Yes, she is! I was particularly amazed by the way she dealt with losing her hair. Of course she had moments of being upset but overall she took a really negative situation and made it positive for her. So inspiring!

[Syd]

Keeping an upbeat attitude in the face of any tragedy is difficult. There are moments of doubt and pain. I don't want to deny that. It's important for me to process those feelings though and keep moving forward.

[Positively Present]

Syd - It's definitely hard to be positive during hard times and I agree that it's important to process difficult feelings during these times. Though I didn't mention it in this post, that's exactly what Bennett did. She faced a very difficult situation and, instead of avoiding her emotions, she dealt with them while striving to have a positive outlook. Very inspiring!

[marci]

Inspirational! Thanks for sharing what you learned from reading this book.