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Thanks again for a great post!

"Carpe diem" in latin, is also something that I find very important. I try to live by those words, but as you said it isn't so easy all the time. You said in #3 "I was comparing my happiness; I was forecasting unhappiness", that's something that a lot of people do (including myself), but the key really is to realize that there are things in this life that we can't affect and change.

I have also find number "5. Share the feeling with others" very important. People really do get happy if you show them your happiness and share it with them, unless their having a really really bad day, but even then you'll probably bring something positive in to their daily life.

Thanks again for a great post,
knallan

Dani,
This is well written. And I love this part.
"I'm going to jump right in and let it soak me to the core."

40% of our being happy is genetic. Well I missed out on that and it's work for me to be happy as well. First thing in the morning I'm required to change my thoughts and attitude towards happy. It's not natural. Sometimes I feel cheated but then I remember what does come naturally to me. Like being bold! So in the end it all evens out but I do get exactly what your talking about. I'm allowing it to soak me to the core as well.

Dani, wonderful post

Made me laugh when you said

"You shouldn't be lying in bed smiling like a big idiot,"

lol... classic

Dani,
I'm with you on this. It always feels like a back-and-forth effort for me and I'm asking myself the same questions as well. But it's good to see that it's not just me. I'm also on my own 'happily ever after now' journey. Thanks for the happiness boost!

Knallan - You've made a great point about how there are things in life we can't change. For that reason, we really do just need to go with the flow and allow ourselves to feel happy. And, you're right, more often than not, it's really great to share our happy feelings with others.

Tess - I'm glad that you can relate to how I'm feeling. It's hard sometimes when we realize we have to choose happiness (instead of having it be our natural state), but I don't think that the choice of happiness has to diminish its value. Good for you for looking at the positive and recognizing the important things that do come naturally to you!

Jon - Haha, I'm glad you got a kick out of that line. I totally felt like that though -- like all of my smiling made me look like a fool, but I've decided that it's okay to be a little foolish sometimes!

NMMD - I'm glad you feel the same way I do about happiness. It's hard sometimes not to question or doubt happiness, but it really doesn't benefit anyone if we do this. I'm glad you got a boost of happiness from reading this! :)

This is truly and outstanding and important article. We have been taught through our cultures that too much happiness is bad, that if we are too happy then we must be living a selfish life. Look at most of your major religions and you will find examples of where we should feel guilty for being happy, that we are meant to suffer, etc.
It is no small wonder that we struggle with happiness and view it with a jaded eye.
There are two basic ways to live, one is fear, the other is love. When we are truly living in love there is no room for fear and therefore we do not live in fear of losing happiness. Happiness is innate to our being and once we remember this we know that happiness can never truly be lost.

Hey Dani.

You've got a relevant point here in that those happy points are only worth something if we take them in while they are there. If we spend them thinking about when they will finish, that is an awkward way to spend a time of good. If we did this for everything, we wouldn't have any memorable times, because those times would be spent in worry.

That point about being in the now is brought up in many places at this time, and it is a good reminder. If I spend two hours of today thinking about the past, I might as well be watching a video of my past, and getting nothing done at the same time. For some reason we would be way too bored to watch a video of ourselves in the past, but are more likely to think about the past.

Cool article about appreciating while something is there to appreciate.

I can completely relate to this. I find myself thinking that way quite often. For the first time in my life I'm in a healthy relationship with a man who loves me dearly....and sometimes I freak out and think that it's too good to be true. But I know that it's not. It's just hard to NOT worry that something bad will happen when the past has always been BAD. Thanks for posting this :)

Hey there Dani, this is a fantastic post on happiness. I can relate to many of the things you have said, especially when good things happen, I think..."uh oh" and wonder, what is going to happen NEXT.

Thanks for the post!

Dayne
TheHappySelf.com
http://www.thehappyself.com

Mark - Thank you!! I'm so glad you enjoyed this article. You're so right about how most of us have been trained to think of happiness as something that is sinful or bad, but it's really the way we want to be deep down. I love what you said about living in love or living in fear. Living in a state of love is SO much better!

Armen - Yes, if we don't actively engage in our happiness, it does become a time of wasted worry, and what good is that? I love what you wrote about how if you spend two hours thinking about your past, it's pretty much as if you are wasting two hours. It's not productive at all! It's much more productive to stay in the present moment.

Michelle - I'm so happy to hear that you could relate! It's good to know I'm not alone in feeling this way. I definitely find it hard not to worry that bad things will happen, but all of that worrying really doesn't do any good and, as I've learned from experience, it doesn't prevent bad things from happening. Things will unfold the way they should and we just need to trust in that and celebrate the happy times in our lives when we have them.

Dayne - Thanks! :) I think a lot of people have that mindset when something good happens. When good things happen, it's tempting to think that something bad will happen next, but that's not always the case and, even if it is, worrying about it won't make it not happen; it will only take away from the happiness you're experiencing!

Hi Dani. I get that feeling too when I feel "too happy." I ask hesitate and tell myself maybe I shouldn't be this happy or something bad might happen to me. At the very least, the happiness will not last forever.

Your article provided some relief that it's okay to be happy. Your tips also reassured me that happiness isn't something that is that hard to achieve, but little things like being aware of the present moment and the things going around us can make us happy. Thanks!

Tristan - So great to know I'm not alone in this. I guess a lot of us feel like we shouldn't be "too happy," and I think that notion can be really detrimental to our well-being. Who says we can't be as happy as we want to be all the time? No one! We have every right to be as happy as we can for as long as we can. I'm glad that you got some reassurance by reading this post. It certainly helped me to write it!

This is such Perfect timing! Not only do you speak to me and many others but I was stressing out over a way I could let my friend know she needs to try and allow herself to be happy. She is fighting so hard not to be. I have worked long and hard with her to try and help but after so many years I have figured out she must try and help herself too. Thank you for this extremely helpful post. I am going to print it out. May you have a wonderful day.

Excellent post and I couldn't have said it better myself! It is hard as you say to allow one's self to be happy after living "the hard way" for decades.

As I have learned, and you too, dropping the what ifs and yes, buts though difficult is essential. I've been where you're at and still tend to "fall back" from time to time because I'm just not accustomed to letting go when there's so much that's still not right. I'm accustomed "fighting". But I was forced to "surrender" because the pressure I was putting myself under was too much.

Surrendering IS blissful. And things really start going smoothly. There is only so much we can do.

Good for you girl!

Dani,

Lovely post. You are one of those souls who by sharing your own inner journey help so many others to grow as well.

keep it up my friend. :)

Hi Dani,

All our fears come from our deep identification with thought, which a builds claustrophobic wall within us--it's no wonder the fear of happiness grips us.

Great post, great insights, thanks!

k

This is an amazing and inspiring post as always. <3

Hi Dani, that's a great post and I think lots of people feel the same way as you do from time to time. I actually have just written a post on my blog about allowing myself to feel my feelings fully, I was talking about negative feelings there(I believe that is the only way to let them go--feel fully), but it goes the same for positive feelings.

So often our mind interferes and starts analyzing and/or interpreting our feelings instead of just letting us feel them fully. I believe if we learn to always be present and just accept everything that comes, feel fully the feelings that come, we'll be all much happier and fulfilled.

If fear comes, feel it fully and that actually will allow you to not be overtaken by that fear, because you accepted it. If happiness comes feel it fully, don't analyze, don't interpret why you should or should not be happy. Just accept it and feel it.

First time on your blog, it is wonderful! That's what I am learning to do now too - be positively present. I actually have an affirmation on a big sheet of paper hanging in front of me right now that says: "I am fully and positively present in every moment". Still learning, but it is so worth it.

Dani, this is great! I like this part where you shared: 'to live happily ever after now.'
Congratulations to you for making this decision! I'm 'happy' for you!!! :) much luv, Sharmila

The Buddhists practice the Middle Path. I guess the idea is that one can be happy but to know that happiness especially if based on the fulfillment of material desires is impermanent. With attachment, comes suffering.

Hi Dani, this was beautiful. Thanks for sharing it. I'm sure a lot of people can really relate to this. There was a time in my life, long ago, where I was "on guard" with joy and happiness... perhaps because I had been let down and badly hurt before, I was afraid to give myself over to the feeling... it felt like a loss of control and that I would once again be vulnerable...

Gladly, I no longer experience that.

The process you just went through was very important, and I'm happy you had that experience, that you gave yourself over to the joy and let it fill your being. That's beautiful.

From an eastern perspective nothing is permanent, but that's not a cause for worry or suffering if you really think about. It's even more reason to relish in the joy (I'm working on a post about this now, and the example I'll give you next is included in it). Take for example, a beautiful sunset that you watch. You know it's not going to last forever. But you don't enjoy it any less while you watch the sky change colors, the light and clouds playing against the wide open canvas of our universe, all a delight for our eyes. You take it in. You breathe it, bewildered, amazed, filled with awe and wonder, savoring every nuance, shade and hue as it slowly changes. And though eventually it ends, we don't mourn it, or miss it. Because we thoroughly enjoyed it, with all of our being. We're not less because we gave ourselves over to it and it ended, we're more because we had the experience of it, fully. Happiness is sort of like that, know what I mean?

Hope that makes sense, and thanks for sharing this truly inspirational self-discovery.

Cheers,
Miche :)

Dani,

Sometimes I wonder if you and I came together because we are kindred spirits.

Learning to master our emotions sometimes takes experience for the lessons to sink in. Which could be avoided if we just exercised our mind fight off the sad feelings, self pity and selfishness. Push them away and don't invite them in.

You are doing a wonderful job on your blogs.Just love reading your posts.

Dani,

If it was so easy to be happy, then our blogs would be useless :). But I think you've really hit the nail on the head in terms of making an effort to be happy and let yourself be happy.

Dani :)
Always a pleasure being reminded about being happy. I love the accopanying pictures you post. They always look super awesome!

Have a wonderful day!
Diggy

Lynn - I'm so glad the timing of this post worked out for you! I hope you're able to pass this post along to your friend and I hope it helps her out.

Catherine - Glad to know that you could relate to this post! It's often hard to surrender to happiness, but it feels so good when you do. Surrending IS bliss!

Sunny - Thank you! It's been difficult for me to open up to my readers, but it feels great to share my experiences and to get such positive feedback!

Kaushik - That's a great point. Thank you for bringing it up! It makes me feel a lot better about my fear of happiness.

Mermaid - Thank you!!! :)

Lana - It's great to know that this post spoke to you and that you've written about similar things. It's so important for me to be able to connect with readers on this topic because it's a critical one for me. What a great saying you use! I'm going to have to use that one too because it sounds perfect for what I'm trying to do, which is fully accept the way I am feeling right now.

Sharmila - Thank you for your comment! Your support really means a lot to me. :)

Evelyn - What a great point! Thanks for bringing that up. I've actually been meaning to look into Buddhist teachings more and you've inspired me to take action with your comment.

Miche - Thank you and you're welcome! I'm glad that you understand where I'm coming from with this post. You've used such a beautiful and perfect analogy with the idea of the sunset. Just because it doesn't last forever doesn't mean we shouldn't enjoy it! Thank you for sharing your insights. I really enjoyed reading your comment!

Bunny - I bet you that's exactly why we've come together in this blogging universe! :) Thank you so much for your encouragement and your support of Positively Present. It makes me happy to know that you enjoy my posts!

Srinivas - Great point!! If happiness came easily, I wouldn't need to write Positively Present at all. It's hard work sometimes but it's definitely worth it.

Diggy - Glad you liked the post and the picture! :) Finding the images to go with the posts is one of my favorite things to do... Hopefully someday I'll be able to post my own images once I master that whole photography thing!

What a great post. This really spoke to me and I saw myself in so many of your words, thank you.

I was thinking about this just this morning! Love your timing. I was thinking about my life at the moment and realised that I am happy in everything I'm doing at the moment (which is a big deal in itself) and then the little voices jumped in with all the negative things - which haven't happened yet and may never happen!
Thanks for this post, I think it deserves a couple of re-reads on my part to keep up quelling the devilish voices :)

> to live happily ever after now
Good focus and I like your jumping into the cold water analogy.

Weez - Thanks for your comment! I'm so glad this post resonated with you. I call my dog, Bella, Weez sometimes (long story...) so I thought she was leaving a comment! :)

Amelia - So glad to have the timing work out on this post! It's so wonderful when you're happy and so annoying when it's hard to accept that happiness. I hope reading this post helped you to combat the negative thoughts!

J.D. - Thanks! I'm glad you liked the analogy. I believe it's important to have a very solid focus and that's what I strive towards -- to live happily ever after now.

Hi Dani,
This post spoke volumes to me. I notice that I am not happy majority of the time. Like you, when happiness comes up, I stand right on the tip of the ledge, scared to jump right in and accept it. I'm so use to being miserable and unhappy, it's hard jumping out. I'm going to take your advice and just jump, head first into being happy. I've said that I was going to do this before, but it only lasted for a day. My goal is to literally force myself to be happy for a week, or at least until it becomes a habit. Thanks!

Wow... a wonderful and wonderfully honest post :) your words ring so true and really bring to the surface many of the underlying concepts of being able to "allow" ourselves to truly be happy!! it is something I have been contemplating myself lately... how unhappiness in its own way is almost comforting, or you expect less from yourself when you are unhappy... you don't judge the emotions or question their presence.

To fly fully into the embrace of happiness can open doors to doubt and fear and guilt... but more importantly if we allow it, joy and peace and contentment... I love they way you expressed this notion "just jump in, untethered by my fear of losing a happiness" and i thank you for the inspiration and wish you every happiness :D

Dani,

it is a good reminder, as many of us feel guilty of being happy, or wonder if you are too happy, sadness will be just around the corner.

"I found myself going back to the past and thinking of all the time I'd been happy and then been hurt or disappointed or saddened by something."

I'm sure so many of us can relate to this part. I agree with you that living in the present is very important. When we look at the past, we forget that it's not real anymore. The only thing real is RIGHT NOW. So it's not really our past that's hurting us or scaring us, it's the fact that we're thinking about it. If we think about right now and that we can control our future, and let go of the past, we can be so much happier.

Thanks for the good post!

I am currently reading Susan Jeffer's Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway right now and there is a chapter in there where she is accused of being too happy and she just went "whats wrong with being overwhelmingly happy and positive?

Definitely made me think of this article!

And yes, it is definitely ok to feel awesome and happy !

Patrice - I'm so happy to hear that this post spoke to you! It's so hard to accept happiness when you're not used to it, but I've found that just jumping in is the way to do it. Sometimes I think you just have to force it at first, but it eventually becomes a part of who you are (at least, that's what's happening to me!).

A.Simplicity - Thank you! I always used to find unhappiness comforting, which is why it took so long for me to let go of it in my life. You're right about how happiness can open doors to all sorts of emotions -- good and bad -- and it's important to focus on the good ones! I'm so glad you were inspired by this post!

Zengirl - I agree that a lot of people feel like happiness is scary or something we don't deserve, but we all deserve it! For some of us, it's hard to embrace it, but I hope these tips help others out the way they've helped me.

Faizal - It's so incredibly true that all we have is right now. It's hard sometimes for me to accept that, but I'm working on it and every day it's getting easier. And what a great point about how it's not really the past that's hurting us -- it's our thoughts about the past -- and it's up to us to take control of them and focus them on the present moment.

Rocky - I've never read that book, but I'd like to after reading your comment. I love the attitude that there's nothing wrong with being happy. It's hard for me to remember that sometimes, but writing this post has helped me out a lot!

"Rather than splash around in my happiness, I tend to hang back, unsure, slightly nervous..." I so relate with what you wrote here, Dani. My gosh, I, too, have moments when I fear that my NOW-happiness will soon be replaced with NOW-unhappiness. Yikes! You've reminded me to come back to the present moment, take what comes, and feel satisfied knowing that it's all okay. Life unfolds just as it should and I can choose to splash around in my happiness; it won't lessen happy's ability to stick around. Thank you!

I can relate to this article so much! For a long time I didn't allow myself to be really happy just because I had this strong fear of disappointment. I also found out that life in constant fear of unhappiness is the worst life one can have. If you are happy today then you must enjoy it with all your heart and senses. If you are unhappy the next day - it's just part of life. Unhappiness will end one day and you will be happy again. This a constant cycle of life that we must accept if we want to be positive and happy.

Megan - I love the way you referred to NOW and happiness and unhappiness in your comment. It's so interesting how we both have felt similar things, but I think it's great that we're both able to realize these and bring ourselves back to the present. As you said, just because you enjoy happiness doesn't mean it's going to go away!

Anastasiya - I'm so glad you can relate! I know what you mean about fearing happiness because you're afraid you will be disappointed by it. It's a hard thing to get over, but it's important to realize, as you said, that life goes in cycles. There will be good and bad and we actually need the bad as much as we need the good.

Good post Dani! It is great to feel happy but that can come and go. The thing is to be able to feel an inner joy to carry you through those difficult circumstances. Remember, life is full of peaks and valleys, ups and downs. You may not always like the circumstances you're in, but you can feel joyful and peaceful within. Aim at not overthinking things because that is usually when we dwell on the past -- and you can't change the past. It's done, it's over. Don't fret about the future - it hasn't happened yet. Fear will rob you of those happy feelings. It can steal your joy if you let it. Believe you are strong enough to handle what may come your way. You may get tripped up but you'll get back up again. May peace and joy be with you always. Anita 8-)

Anita - Thank you for your wonderful comment! I think you're so right about that thing called "inner joy." That's what's most important and that's what sticks with us through the good AND bad times. Life is always going to have ups and downs and focusing on the inner joy is the best way to travel through it all.

I think that I can choose to be happy. I don't know anyone who would prefer to be sad instead of happy. I like how positive your posts are. They give me something to think about always.

Syd - I believe that as well. Happiness a choice. However, sometimes I find it hard to fully accept it when it's in my life and I think that's because I've grown so comfortable with being unhappy. It's not that I ever wanted to be sad... I was just accustomed to it and was scared to change. Now that I've opened up to happiness as choice, I'm a LOT better off! Thanks for your comment. I'm really glad you like the posts!

Thanks for your post,

Your post immediately made me think about how our mind sometimes has the ability to keep us from experiencing 'The NOW'.
Keeping us trapped in the past or letting us wander into the future avoiding us to just be in the Now. It also made me think about a man asking his youngh doughter - a little child - the seemingly difficult question:

'What is the meaning of Life?'

Making it - for almost every average adult - a difficult and somewhat time consuming task for the mind to be able to answer.
While not for the little child, directly answering:

'To Have FUN!!!'

BTW for what allowing yourself feeling Happy is concerned....,

Since I have seen in other posts that you are inclined to listen to Music Lyrics from Songs..., How about capturing such Happy moments by trying to write Lyrics yourself for a Song of your own about those Happy Feelings? (or other feelings if you like)

Than you can experience those feelings
anytime you like, or share them with others?

And since you are already writing about things
you feel or think about, my 'gut feeling' said that
you probably are good at writing Song Lyrics too.
(or possibly already do it?)

All the Best,
To your Happy Inspiration,
HP

HP - Thank you for your great comment! You brought up a great point about how much worrying adults do. Most of us really struggle with being in the now, which is what I'm really trying to work on through the blog. I love your idea of writing lyrics. I've actually just started writing poetry again so I'll be sharing that with readers soon. Stay tuned! :)

Dani, this post resonated with me today and helped me realized that this could be what I'm afraid of in moving forward, and it seems so bizarre! It seems crazy to be afraid of being happy, doesn't it? but i think you totally nailed it! It could be I'm holding back because it feels safer to dream on the edge. Often I've been disappointed and enjoyed my imagination more.. The thing is now with 2010 ready to launch, I really do feel and have chosen it to be the best year of my life. It seems silly to be afraid of happiness when I feel so strongly that it is going to be GREAT when I just jump in! Thank you for this confirmation today! much luv, Jen

Jen- I'm really glad to know that this post spoke to you. It was one of my favorites to write. It really does seem crazy to be happy, but it makes sense. When you're unhappy for so long, happiness can be a big -- and scary -- change. I really believe 2010 will be the best year. I have so much hope for it!

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