coping with joy

Today's post was written by Josh Hanagarne, the author of the always inspiring, always informative blog World’s Strongest Librarian. Living with Tourette’s Syndrome, Josh knows a thing or two about coping and I'm so happy that he agreed to be featured on Positively Present writing about what it means to be coping with joy. If you haven't stopped by his site yet, make sure you do after you read this post. You'll enjoy it -- and learn a lot too! 

I like to watch trends.  Trends trends trends, everywhere I go, including my trips to my own bookshelves.  A few years ago, I was looking at my books and began to make some mental notes of the subjects and themes on my shelves. A disturbing trend was emerging.  I had one shelf packed with books about coping.  Books about how to deal with life.  Books about why bad things happen to good people, and how to get over it.  Books about the endless struggle. There’s nothing wrong with these books, but I had more of them than I was comfortable with.

Coping

I believe that a moment spent coping is a moment that could be spent living.  Coping is about making it through another day.  Coping is about survival.  These are not always things that we should celebrate.  If you are actually fighting for your life, against illness or armed enemies, then sure, take a deep breath and pat yourself on the back for seeing another sunset. But I’m not in either of those situations.  I’m trying to be very careful about what I choose to call victories and what I want to celebrate.

My Situation

So far, it’s been insurmountable.  Tourette’s Syndrome affects people in two broad ways: they either move involuntarily or make noises involuntarily.  Mine range from hitting myself to blinking my eyes too much to screaming to the point of getting hernias.  And that, my friend, is why I just want to sit still for a little while. It might not happen this year, or even this decade, but it’s going to happen, because that’s the goal.  Why commit to a goal and not achieve it? But back then when I was reading these books about coping, it was much, much worse.  It was very hard to enjoy anything that happened on those days.  That’s what convinced me that I was looking at things the wrong way.

The Purpose of Life?

In The 4-Hour Workweek, Tim Ferriss makes a great observation.  I’m paraphrasing here, but the gist is that questions that don’t seem to have answers might just be poorly worded.  For instance, saying, “What is the purpose of life?” implies that you and I have the same purpose.  How likely is that?  My purpose is currently to press 106 lbs over my head with one arm, bend a grade 8 bolt with my hands, and still have time to play with my toddler.  Sound familiar? Probably not.  Nothing wrong with that, although I do recommend that you start bending some bolts for a thrill. So right there, perhaps a better question is “What is the purpose of my life?”  That might not be something you find in a book, because books written for the mainstream must adopt a one-size-fits-all approach.  Gurus don’t make money by saying “This book will change on person’s life!”  They make money by pointing at you from the cover of the book and saying “I can help everyone!” in a really sassy font. I don’t begrudge them their success, and I’m not saying they can’t or don’t help people.  I’m only suggesting that my past reliance on them might have been a symptom of a larger problem. 

Can You Cope with Joy?

The purpose of my life is to live with joy.  I have found that when I am in coping mode, joy is impossible in my life.  I lose the ability to find pleasure in all the small things that make life so satisfying. It is a small thing, but for me, merely thinking about challenges in a different way makes them more bearable.  Joy has become the barometer.  When things are terrible, I ask myself whether I am able to enjoy anything in my life.  If the answer is no, I am in survival mode.  This is not the mode I want to be in, unless I am literally fighting to survive. If I find that I am having a hard stretch but there are still things that I can enjoy, then I am living, not coping. 

Life is hard.  There is no shame in saying so.  Pain hurts.  There is no weakness implied in feeling the inevitable discomforts that are the cost of living.  But if the discomforts persist longer than they should, it is always worth asking why that is. Perhaps nothing I’ve said applies to anyone but me.  But much of what I believe has been shaped by those I look up to and the way they deal with their troubles.  As much as I like to read, very few books about living well have taught me how to live with joy.  Rather, they act as life jackets of distraction that float me to the end of another difficult day. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. But if everyday was merely a search for distraction, I would be concerned about my priorities. Take care of yourself and never stop finding new ways to be happy.

Josh Hanagarne is the twitchy giant behind World's Strongest Librarian, a blog about living with Tourette's Syndrome, kettlebells, book recommendations, buying pants when you're 6'8", old-time strongman training, and much more. Please subscribe to Josh’s RSS Updates to stay in touch.

Photo Credit: (♥)

Comments

[Tess The Bold Life]

Josh,
Thanks for sharing your story. I love the purpose of your life and will join you in living in joy. I also will hold a vision of you sitting still. Thanks for posting with Dani today!

[Henri]

Another awesome post, Josh. We all have a different purpose, or even multiple purposes and they might even change from day to day, year to year. I am not the same person I was 5 years ago. It's tough being a marketer, you have to sell as much stuff as possible, so you can't think about saying the truth :-)

[Positively Present]

Josh - First and foremost, I want to thank you again for writing this great post! It's awesome that you've shared your story with Positively Present readers and I really love your ideas about living in joy.

Tess - Thanks for your comment. I really loved Josh's post and I'm glad you enjoyed it too!

Henri - Glad you could comment today! :) I like what you wrote about our purpose changing. It really can transform throughout our lives, but I love Josh's idea of living in joy. No matter what our purpose is, we can experience it joyfully.

[Akshay Kapur]

I am constantly amazed at how you churn out content day after day. As a fellow blogger, I'm humbled by your persistence. I look forward to more great writing in the future.

I hope your holidays are warm, fun and...positive!

Best,
Akshay

[Positively Present]

Akshay - It helps to have great guest bloggers like Josh to write articles like this one! I'm lucky that I have the time to write lots of posts though because it really is one of my favorite things to do. I hope you have wonderful, positive holidays as well! :)

[Hayden Tompkins]

This is a great reminder that survival is simply not enough.

Thank you, Josh!

[Michelle @ Following Your Joy]

Hi Josh and thank you for brightening my day today! Your post particularly caught my eye...because the focus of my blog is "Following Your Joy." :) I love how you said the purpose of your life is to live with joy. Right on! You are a teacher and inspirer of many, and I wish you all the best as you continue on in "living" with joy. After reading your post, I certainly look forward to staying in touch and keeping tabs on you! Wishing you and your family much love and joy this holiday season.

And Dani, thanks for featuring Josh! Sending you all the best, too, for a fantastic holiday celebration. You are a blogger with heart, light, and deep insight about the world, and I appreciate you!

Peace,
Michelle

[Laura Cococcia]

What a wonderful partnership Dani and Josh! Two of my favorite people. Best to both of you on this holiday season - you both have been amazing gifts to me this year. Sending hugs!

[Syd]

I appreciate your sharing so honestly about yourself here. I would much rather experience joy than suffering. And what's great is I have that choice because my suffering was of my own making. It wasn't a painful disease but a dis-ease of myself.

[Quinn]

Hi Josh I think when we put our selves in a coping mind set we keep our selves conscious and aware of what we are trying to cope with. This takes our focus away from the joy and the happiness that we can encounter every day if we allow our selves to. Thanks for a great post and have a happy holiday season

[Positively Present]

Hayden - It is a really great reminder of that, isn't it? Thanks for your comment!

Michelle - It's definitely so important to live with joy and Josh really is an inspiration. I'm glad I had an opportunity to feature Josh here because I definitely felt so inspired after reading his post. Happy holidays and thank you much for your kind words and your support of Positively Present! :)

Laura - I'm glad you liked this one! :) I hope you have a great holiday season as well and thanks for reading and commenting.

Syd - That's one of the things I loved most about this post (and Josh's blog). He's so open and honest and he really inspires me by being that way. I love what you wrote about disease and dis-ease. Such a great way of putting it!

Quinn - Very good point. We really should focus on the happiness and joy and it's possible to both cope AND be joyful. Happy holidays!

[Norma Joy]

This is a marvelous insight. I have just started a new blog for women who want to be happier, http://www.womanbehappier.com, to consider ways we can find more joy in our lives. I think you are right that we should spend less time struggling against the bad things in our lives, and more focusing on the joy that is around us if we only look for it.

[Positively Present]

Norma Joy - Thanks for your comment! I'm so glad you liked Josh's post. I just checked out your blog and it looks great! Great site!