how to let go and reclaim your life

 (♥)

 

Letting go is easier said than done, or is it? It’s nothing new that we like to complicate things and I am no different. Making changes in your life only happens when you are truly ready. Your mind is meant to think thoughts and it can easily become overwhelming and frustrating, especially when you start to taking them seriously.

Today's post was written by Henri Junttila, creator of the awesome site Wake Up Cloud. I recently came across Henri's site when he left a comment on mine and I've been such a fan ever since. On Henri's site you can discover your passion in 5 days and get conscious about your life. I was thrilled that he wanted to write a guest post for Positively Present and I certainly wasn't let down when he emailed me his article. Henri's take on letting go is well-written and worth a read (or two!). Enjoy! 

Letting go for me means allowing things to be as they are and accepting the present moment just as it is. For the longest time I wanted to control and was horrified of letting go. I am not saying that I do not do this now, because I do, but to a lesser extent. It can be hard to let go and be at peace when tough things come at you.

At those times all you can do is your best. One of the topics that gets me off-balance is money. I have a deeply rooted belief about money and being afraid of not having enough and not being able to take care of myself or the people around me. By being aware of my thoughts and just doing my best, I know that I am constantly making progress.

We live in a society where quick results are expected. To be honest, I am very impatient and get frustrated easily when things are not going my way. We all have our pet peeves and they are there for a reason. In year or three you will see how much you’ve grown. There is no rush to get anywhere and there is no competition. Enjoy the ride and have fun.

Let Go of the Past

“Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy.”
 Robert Anthony

Some people constantly think of the future, while others dwell on the past. The past is tricky, because your mind can distort and make you believe things that did not really happen, or you make the events that did happen worse. A good example is when you experience someone passing away that was very close to you.

 

The first reaction is to dwell on how much you will miss this person, but have you ever thought about changing your perspective? When I cannot just let go I will try different things to see if I am missing a piece of the puzzle. So instead of dwelling on what you have lost, you could think about the positive things and the moments you had that brought joy.

When you dwell on the past, you suffer now. Why are you doing that to yourself? Feeling bad, depressed and being negative is pleasurable in some way, which is one of the reasons we do it. We think it will bring us something. Being less serious about life will allow you to let go. Playfulness is something a lot of people are re-discovering, which is awesome. We have been way too serious up until now ;).

Let Go of the Future

 “The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.”
 Chuck Palahniuk

Worrying about the future is my specialty. I project what will happen in the future and my mind convinces me that it is true. I won’t have enough money. No one will love me. I won’t succeed. Just a few years ago I was extremely negative, stressed and worried constantly about the future.

 

That was also the time I started meditating on a daily basis and reading books on spirituality, such as the Power of Now, which is still one of my favorites. When you really want to change, the tools will be given to you. It’s interesting how the universe works. We still have a lot to learn and can only marvel.

So what helps me let go of the future? The ability to question myself and realize that my thoughts are not the authority on the future. If you’re like me and tend to think about the future and not having enough, look inside and ask yourself how you can predict the future? Are you suddenly a psychic? ;)

Playfulness is your secret weapon. So what if you end up broke and without friends? The cool thing about imagining the future is that it is most likely the worst it’s going to get. Have you ever imagined something bad and had it happen to you, and you went “huh, that wasn’t so bad after all”?

Let Go of the Fear of Rejection

 “Nothing is miserable unless you think it so;
 on the other hand, nothing brings happiness unless you are content with it.”
 Boethius

The fear of not being liked, of not being accepted or even respected is another big one for me. I’ve always been an introvert and always conscious of what I should and should not say. As I gathered more experiences under my belt, I started to learn that being yourself is the only thing that you can do.

 

Being someone who you are not takes a lot of energy and ultimately destroys you on the inside. Remember, when you’re trying to be someone you’re not, you’re attracting people that resonate with the person you are trying to be. In simpler terms: you are attracting people that do not match who you REALLY are.

I haven’t gone from an introvert to an extrovert yet, because it is always better to take things one step at a time. I have become more self-confident in who I am and letting myself be just a little bit ridiculous, because that’s who I really am. That’s who we all are. When I talk to people that have never met me they usually get that surprised look on their face thinking “this guy is crazy” but then they usually also go “but I like him”.

By being yourself, you are attracting those that you want to attract. If you’re looking for a soul-mate, you have to be yourself, because you are never going to meet the love of your life if you cannot love yourself.

If you are yourself and people reject you, you should be happy, because those people were not a good match for you anyway. See it as a filter. Be yourself, be playful and let go.

Let Go of Your Programming

 “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
 Eleanor Roosevelt

When I got out of school at the ripe age of 18, I became a professional online poker player. It was a fun ride that taught me a lot about discipline, money, people and spirituality. There are a lot of things you have to let go of when you choose to make money in an unconventional way.

 

At an early age we start taking in the labels and beliefs of our parents, our friends and our culture. We are supposed to go out there, go to school, get a good job, a nice house, a nice car, get a kid or two, retire and do what we really want to do.

Why should you wait? If you’re unhappy now, then that is a sign that you’re not following your passion and doing what you truly love. I played poker for almost five years. Earlier this year I decided enough was enough. I had been sick of playing for the last few years and I was only doing it because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to make a living doing anything else.

I jumped into building websites about topics I was passionate about. Even that wasn’t enough. Last month I started feeling like something was missing. This was not something I wanted to be doing for the rest of my life. Making money was great, but ultimately I wanted to help people grow.

If you’re waiting for something to happen, stop. There are no perfect circumstances. You will never be ready. I am not saying you have to do everything all at once. If you’re working in a job you hate and you love coffee, you can work during the day and start writing, video blogging or even podcasting about coffee on your free time.

You are the one who are responsible for how you react, how you feel, what you do and how your life looks. It’s easy to hide from that fact, which is exactly what most people do, but you are different. I can feel it.

It’s time.

Let go and reclaim your life.

You deserve it.

 

 

Looking for more reading material today (a.k.a., distractions from doing work or anything productive)? Check out the guest post I did on The Bold Life called "Traveling by Train: Lessons on Going with Life's Flow." In the article, you'll find out how I learned a lot about life just by walking down the aisle of a train! You never know where you'll find inspiration!

Comments

[Henri]

Thanks for the opportunity to post at such an awesome blog, Dani! :)

If anyone has any questions or comments I'll be here to discuss, so go crazy!

[Jen]

Great post Henri and fantastic to find you here at Dani's site too, as well as having discovered your blog this week. A lot of gold in here, I particularly liked what you said about letting yourself be ridiculous! I have a very silly sense of humour ;) and people close to me know that, but I am noticing particularly in the last few years, I am just letting myself be that way when I feel like it even with people I don't know so well, and have let go of worrying so much if people will like me or not, because I like myself! :)
Thanks Henri

[Eden]

Wonderfully written post and so right on! I really like the way you broke it down into the sections! I tend to want everything perfect or if there is a problem, my side explained. I tend to want understanding or the need to be right! I think letting go is a wonderfully way to get past some of these minor irritations! Thanks for writing this :D

[positively present]

Henri - Thank YOU for writing such a great post. This has been one of my favorite guest posts and I'm so glad you wrote to me and asked if you could writer for Positively Present. Thanks for taking part in the discussion too!

Jen - How great that you have a silly sense of humor! It's wonderful to be able to laugh and to see the silliness in life and it's great that you're opening yourself up more to being yourself around those you don't know well. If you like yourself, others will like you too!

Eden - Wasn't this a great one? I really enjoyed the way Henri laid this out. Letting go is so important in life because we can't always have everything we want or have everything go our way. I'm so glad you liked Henri's post as much as I did!

[Henri]

Jen - Thanks for the kind words! It's weird, I've noticed that when I write my best blog posts I don't even remember what I wrote afterwards. When I publish them I get awesome feedback. I'm possessed I think ;). I think we're all very silly when we really let us be ourselves. Deep down we're all pretty messed up, in a good way :-).

Eden - Thanks! I always start my writing with the topic and then the sub-headings, because the sub-headings act like anchors that keep me focused. And even though I don't remember anything afterwards, It's still coherent. I can resonate with the perfectionism. We all have that to some extent. It's all about acknowledging that it is there and being imperfect anyway.

Dani - Thanks again for having me here, it's an honor! :)

[Syd]

Henri, thanks for writing this. Letting go is part of the Al-Anon program and is something that I have to be mindful of every day. I tend to clench people as tight as possible, mostly out of fear of abandonment and rejection. It's much better to realize that I have no control over what they do and just let go. Great post.

[Henri]

Syd - Thanks for reading! I think letting go is huge, but you also have to realize how you can do it on your own, so it can be tricky. If you haven't realized how you often dismiss people that just say general statements such as "just let go". Thanks for your thoughts Syd, they were awesome :)

[Erin]

I really enjoyed this post. I find this to be another year of transition for me. Life is change and adapting helps so much. You covered a large topic in a concise manner and I like that a lot. I especially liked your thoughts on the past and the future which is where many of us dwell.

[Quinn]

Hi Henri- another good set of thoughts. I particularly like the the idea of letting go of your programing, the cultural idea of who we are supposed to be so often gets in the way of who we actually are. It is impotent to do the the things we are doing for our self only then will the be real and meaningful to us.

[Henri]

Erin - Thanks for your comment! I can definitely relate. I've gone through a lot of change too and I have no doubt that 2010 will bring even more. Thanks for the kind words, I hope I'll see you around :)

Quinn - Nice to see you here, thanks for sharing your thoughts! The programming can be a big issue. It has been in my life. Just being aware of it helps a lot.

[positively present]

Syd - Letting go is such a critical part of Al-Anon and it's important to realize that letting go of people actually brings them closer in many ways. Hard as it is to do sometimes, it's definitely important to realize that we don't have control over what others do.

Erin - I'm so glad you enjoyed Henri's post! I also really liked what Henri had to say about the past and future. It's so important for us to live in the present moment and Henri's post is a great reminder of that.

Quinn - Like you, I really enjoyed what Henri wrote about letting go of programming and our ideas of how or why we're supposed to do something. We shouldn't live by cultural standards but should instead live in a way that makes us feel fulfilled and happy.

Henri - Thanks again for participating in the conversation! I'm sure all of the commenters really appreciate that. :)

[Henri]

You are most welcome, Dani! :-)

Thank you all for commenting and sharing your thoughts!

[Michelle @ Find Your Balance]

The one that hits home for me is "Let Go of the Fear of Rejection." I find myself constantly worried about this at some level. Certainly a place to bring awareness to and let go!

[Diggy - Upgradereality.com]

Hey Dani!
Just thought I'd let you know I'm still around, I read but don't comment as much anymore :)

Letting go is indeed important, but for me the hard part is deciding when to let go. Most odf the time, initially I don't want to let go. Once the decision is made then it is easy to let go, but how do you effectively decide when it is right and when it is time to let go?

Keep well!!!!
Diggy

[positively present]

Michelle - I agree that that's a great one. It's hard sometimes not to be afraid of rejection, but that fear really does hold us back. Henri's advice to let go of it really is great.

Diggy - Commenting takes a lot of time so I understand why you might not comment as frequently. It's great to know you're still reading. You've raised a great point. Deciding whether or not to let go can be very difficult and can be harder than actually letting go!

[Henri]

Michelle - I can resonate. I suffer from pretty much everything that I wrote about, but I'm getting better all the time so hopefully it's helpful.

Diggy - How about letting go as soon as possible? Thanks for commenting! :)

[Derrick]

Thank you for that excellant post! I have been practicing living a more concious life for about five years now. I read your post and it was the perfect description or reminder I needed to guide my way through life.Check out wakinguptolife.com,it's a cool website of a friend of mine.I think you might enjoy it.

Thanks

Derrick

[positively present]

Derrick - I'm so glad you enjoyed Henri's post! Thanks so much for your comment and for suggesting your friend's website. I'm looking forward to checking it out.

[J.D. Meier]

Nice write up.

I'm a fan of temporal skills. I think whether we use the past, present or future, we should do it by design, and point our camera at the right things to empower us and make us more resourceful.

[Henri]

Derrick - Thanks for reading. I'm glad you're living a more conscious life. It's pretty awesome, isn't it?

J.D - Thanks! I completely agree with you that using the resources (past, present, future) we have to our advantage is awesome. There's no need to throw anything away, because they often have their uses.

[positively present]

J.D. - So glad you liked Henri's post! I really like the idea of pointing our cameras at the right things. No matter what you focus on, you can choose to find (and look at) the right elements to make that aspect of life stand out. Great comment!

[Eric]

Incredible article here! You touched on a lot of different topics in such a way that I think more people should learn to let go and see how their real self will make it out there in the world.

When you're really you, you will get stronger, go further, be happier, have more fun, do more things, make more of a difference in more lives than ever before and ultimately be able to change the world one day at a time.

[positively present]

Eric - So happy you liked Henri's article! A lot of people definitely have trouble letting go, but it's such an important thing to do in so many aspects of our lives, which is why Henri's article is so brilliant. Thanks for commenting!

[DraconianDevil]

i'm really fond of your points made on 'Let Go Of The Future'.
Fear is such an abstract element of the mind's workings. It may strike a person psychologically at any time, but it doesn't mean a person ought not perceive fear. When one follows it at certain times, it invokes a sudden rush of adrenaline. The crux of it can be when fear grips a person. It can be necessary to allocate some of the positive energies into the negative energies to see what's wrong in himself/herself.

Anyway, this profound questioning you've put - "The ability to question myself and realize that my thoughts are not the authority on the future. If you’re like me and tend to think about the future and not having enough, look inside and ask yourself how you can predict the future? Are you suddenly a psychic? ;)"... is something i'll be really adherent to. It's definitely comprehensive thinking. It helps to come up with solutions to far-fetched imaginations.

[positively present]

DraconianDevil - So happy that you liked Henri's post! He really did a great job of writing about this topic and your comments were great. Thank you!

[Psychic]

Hmm Well I was just searching on Google for some psychic readings and psychic articles and just came across your blog, generally I just only visit blogs and retrieve my required information but this time the useful information that you posted in this post compelled me to reply here and appreciate your good work. I just bookmarked your blog.

[positively present]

Psychic - That's very interesting that you came across Positively Present that way! It makes me happy to know that you weren't even looking for the site and you ended up bookmarking it. Thanks for reading and for leaving a comment!

[Jarrod@ Optimistic Journey]

Awesome post Henri!

Letting go for me means a choice that I make to be in the moment. To not let the future or the past or certain things in the present take control of my happiness and peace. I love the information that you've had to share and I certainly look forward to more.

[psychic]

No problem Postively present =)
i enjoy posting worthwhile blogs to gain more viewship.