how to stay positive in the face of rejection

(♥)
 

"I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear
to wake me up and get me going rather than retreat." 

Sylvester Stallone

 

The post below is a guest post by Liz Borino, a writer after my own heart who is passionate about the effects of optimism on people’s success. Today she's writing on the topic of rejection, something most people experience at some point in their lives. It can be difficult to be positive in the face of rejection, but Liz offers some helpful tips on how you can make the most of even the most unpleasant of situations.

  

Being rejected is a terrible feeling. I’m a writer, so I’ve done my best to get comfortable with the possibility of rejection because I realize it will happen. However, it doesn’t just happen to writers, it happens to everyone because we’re human and sometimes we need other people’s approval to reach our goals in life. It does absolutely nothing for us or our goals if we stay down. Here are four positive ways of handling rejection.

  

1. Keep it in perspective. No matter how perfect that job, opportunity, boy/girl, college, or whatever you were rejected from, seemed they weren’t. The boy/girl probably snores, the job might force you to work more hours a week, which would take you away from your family. There will be other opportunities for success. I promise you.
   
   

2. Try another avenue of success. There are two options here, wait for another avenue or opportunity to present itself, or create your own. I’m impatient and don’t like to put my success in the hands of other people who can’t be as invested in it as I am. Let’s say you get rejected by your crush, a positive way to create another opportunity would be for you to go to a coffee house (or a bar, if that’s more your scene) and approach someone reading your favorite book. In the case of the artist, if they’re rejected by a magazine or publishing house, when they get one rejection they could send out two new submissions to other publications.
   
   

3. Don’t take it personally. This one’s tricky, I know. You’re probably sitting there saying, But if I got rejected, how is it not personal? The fact is it probably has more to do with the person who rejected you than about you. Maybe, you didn’t get that date because that person doesn’t go out with people who wear glasses. Maybe that college you got rejected from is filled to capacity. It’s possible that the agent you queried just isn’t interested in representing anymore of the genre that you’re writing in. These aren’t just excuses to make you feel better, they really could be true.
   
   

4. Reflect. Of course, if you’re being continually rejected, it might be time for some self-reflection. For example, if all your crushes are turning you down you might have to evaluate how you’re approaching people and if those people are really right for you. An example might be if you were trying to get the president of the science club to go out with you, impressing him with your pop-culture knowledge may not produce the desired result. If you got rejected from every college you applied to, it might help to retake the admission tests, or go to a community college for a year or two. This isn’t about blaming yourself, but instead taking responsibility for your own success.

Rejection is never easy to take, no matter how invested you were in what you were trying to accomplish. However, it should never derail your positive attitude or stop you from attaining your goals. 
 

Liz Borino is passionate about the effects of optimism on people’s success. She has also just completed a novel and loves networking with other people of similar mindsets. She can be reached on Twitter @lizb1987.

Comments

[J.D. Meier]

I never heard that Stallone quote ... I like it.

[positively present]

J.D. - I just came across it myself when I was looking for a quote to go with Liz's post and I'm glad I found it. It's a good one and very fitting for the topic.

[Eva @ Eva Evolving]

Thank you for this post - and really very helpful, simple advice for handling rejection. I especially like the one to "don't take it personally." It's so easy to let the voice of self-doubt sneak in, but you remind us there are many factors at play, not just our own perceived inadequacy.

[Lizb1987]

Thanks for reading, Eva. I'm so glad it helped. I believe that if we can get through that perception of inadequacy we can do anything

[Lizb1987]

JD- I absolutely agree with you, it's a very powerful quote.

[Tom]

A nice, insightful post about turning something we all face from being unfortunate to a positive learning experience and opportunity. Reminds me of the saying "When a door closes, a window opens."

[sui]

Uughh I didn't finish my comment :( please delete the one before.

great post! totally true :)

(and LOL that photo is one of someone who goes to my school. weheartit & photography copyright is iffy... sigh.)

[Lizb1987]

Tom, I think that's a great quote to keep in mind! Thanks for reading.

[Syd]

Rejection is a tricky thing for me since it is based in early fears. I am just more aware of the fact that not everything needs to be interpreted through a veil of rejection and abandonment. Some fears I will just need to walk through. Good post.

[Lizb1987]

Syd-I struggle with the same things. Please take heart, it's a common problem, but you'll make it through to the other side and be stronger for it. Good Luck, glad I could help!

[K.M. Weiland]

Great post! I esp. agree with the last two points. Rejection isn't necessarily a reflection on us as writers, but it's always an opportunity to grow.

[carol]

insightful post...gets right to the core of the issue.

[Liz Borino]

Thanks for all the great comments everyone! I'm glad you all liked it

[MCOlson]

Applicable to a variety of rejection scenarios. Like your approach and optimism. Good Luck with your novel. MC

[Topi]

This is a fantastic post, such an optimistic way of viewing this topic. I've heard rejection described as the catalyst for change, and that's how I've always tried to deal with it - as you say, a chance to reflect on your approach and see if there's a better way. That's what keeps us growing!

[Faizal]

We must not fear rejection it we want to be successful.

Having absolute faith in our abilities makes it easier to not take things so personally.

[positively present]

Thank you all for your wonderful comments on Liz's post! She really did an excellent job on this one and, as many of you noted, she really gets to the heart of the matter here. I really appreciate your feedback and I'm sure Liz does as well!

[Michelle @ Find Your Balance]

I try to learn something from rejection and look at it objectively. Not easy, but it can be helpful!

[Karl Staib - Work Happy Now]

That Stallone quote is awesome. We do need a wakeup call every now and again. I've been recently rejected, crawled into a hole, the bugle wouldn't stopped blaring, so I came out to shut it up. I'm so glad that I did. :)

[positively present]

Michelle - It's definitely best if you can learn something from it, though, as you said, that can be pretty difficult sometimes.

Karl - Glad you liked the quote! I'm so glad that you came out to shut it up too. Rising above rejection can be so hard and it's pretty amazing that you've been able to do it. Congrats!

[Roberto Muñiz]

Thanks for posting this Liz. It really puts things in perspective. A lot of times we are too focused on the little or unimportant things in life. Sometimes it is helpful to just zoom out of a situation, such as rejection, to be able to see what's really going on. The biggest picture may be the simplest, but most often hardest to see. Handling rejection all depends on perspective and how you choose to deal with the situation. Your positive attitude is a great asset and were lucky enough to have you share it with us.

[positively present]

Roberto - Thanks for leaving a comment on Liz's post. I agree that her words really help to put things into perspective and help us to focus on what's really important.