book review: lessons from a self-help junkie

 

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When I was given a copy of Waiting for Jack: Confessions of a Self-Help Junkie, a book about one woman's search for herself through self-help, I was very intrigued. Being the author of Positively Present has led me to more than one self-help book and, like the author of Waiting for Jack, I do often find myself looking for answers in these books, thinking that each page will be the one to hold the magical answer to all of the questions about life that are constantly plaguing me. Through all of the reading and wondering, I've always been conscious of the fact that waiting for some answer is pretty much the opposite of living in the present moment, something I'm constantly striving to do. Waiting, for me, has always been a problem. Like so many people, I have tended to think in terms of someday. I've spent a great deal of time waiting for something to happen and, for that reason, over the past few years I've been striving to live a more present life. Waiting, I discovered, didn't do much for me.

 

What did, however, do something for me, was the book Waiting for Jack. I know, it seems predictably ironic to find some of the answers I've been waiting for in a book about not waiting for answers, but that's exactly what happened when I cracked open the maroon spine of Kristen Moeller's book. Her book -- filled with profound quotes, noteworthy insights, and thought-provoking questions -- grabbed my attention from the very first page. She talks both about her personal experiences (many of which I, unfortunately, could relate to) as well as the big picture. She draws you in with details and examples, but leaves you at the end of each section with questions to consider and important words of wisdom.

The book is divided into three parts. In Part 1 (Body), Moeller shares her experience of how she became a seeker (always looking for answers outside of herself) rather than a finder and she talks about how our decisions form -- and sometimes limit -- who we become in life. Part 2 (Mind), covers the areas in life where one might be waiting (such as career, love, etc.) and offers readers a chance to understand and uncover the patterns of waiting in his/her own life. And, finally, in Part 3 (Spirit), Moeller takes a deeper look at why we are the way we are and invites her readers to find a way to become, within their own lives, "a fierce disruption to the ordinary."

As you can probably gather from those brief descriptions of this three-part book, Moeller has a lot of wisdom to share with her readers, which she gathers both from her own personal experience as well as from experiences of others. In each section, readers can find not only Moeller's words, but small break-out sections in which others share their experiences with waiting and how they've overcome hoping for someday in favor of living for today. These stories add depth and interest to each section and provide readers with the notion that Moeller's waiting-for-jack experience is not unique; it is something so many experience and, importantly, it is something many can overcome. (For more on overcoming waiting, check out Moeller's blog Self-Help Junkie.)Though I loved reading about a variety of experiences, it was Moeller's own words that impacted me the most. Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book:

 

"We might think that [self help books] contain 'the answer,' yet those books will not change us. Only we can take the action that will create the transformation we seek." 

 

"Most of us say we know we are responsible for our satisfaction, but deep down we still wait for that someone to appear who will make us happy." 

 

"[The term 'geographical cure'] refers to the illusion that life will be better when we get somewhere else... We wait to be in the 'right' place. We wait for that place to magically change what is wrong in our lives. What we forget is that we take ourselves and all of our baggage with us wherever we go."

"Drama makes us feel passionate and alive. For someone of us, life can seem dull without it. Drama is part of the full range of human experience. Yet when we take it to extremes, it becomes another way we live to wait." 

 

"I tell myself that if only I could get it right, my life would be great, and I would be completely happy. This is another way we wait -- we make the insignificant significant, and that stalls us from growing, moving forward." 

 

"Living in hope is not living in the moment -- it is the ultimate in waiting. To give up hope and be willing to be in the unknown requires courage. It is the beginning of breaking free." 

 

"True freedom begins with letting go of certainty. Once we know, we lose our ability to perceive what is. To challenge all we think we know -- including our ideas about ourselves and others -- allows something new to emerge. When we learn we are more than our thoughts, feelings, opinions, and circumstances, a new world can arise." 

 

"Every day we can start fresh. We can let go of our past concerns and our future expectations. Every moment we can choose our experience." 

 

 

From Moeller's words, I learned a great deal about waiting and why, after years and years of doing so, I was right to embrace the "live in the moment" attitude that I strive to have every day. I can't deny that it's hard to live in the moment and stop waiting. Sometimes waiting is inevitable and it is, at times, out of our control. But there can be positive benefits to waiting. We can learn from waiting that we must have patience. We can also learn that we might not really need what it is we are waiting for. When we stop waiting, we stop living. If you find that you're waiting (for anything at all!), I'd highly recommend reading Waiting for Jack. It's a quick read that not only provides valuable insights but also prompts you, the reader, to think about how waiting impacts your body, mind, and spirit.

 

Are you waiting for "someday"?
What do you find yourself waiting for? Why?
And if you're not waiting, what advice can you give
those who spend their lives waiting?

Comments

[Mark]

Thank-you for sharing this book, I will be checking it out! I am not waiting, I am instead taking it all in and knowing that all that I need I have. Love the photo!

[Jenn]

This is a lovely post. I can totally relate to what you shared.

I found these parts especially insightful:
[I've always been conscious of the fact that waiting for some answer is pretty much the opposite of living in the present moment, something I'm constantly striving to do. Waiting, for me, has always been a problem. Like so many people, I have tended to think in terms of someday.]

I am learning to bring my imagination into reality which is so hard because it feels so sacred, I couldn't bear to see it flop once I'm actually going for it! Mind you, I am going for it, but I do notice different times there are *unnecessary stalling periods because of the fear of this..

what great takeaways!:

"I tell myself that if only I could get it right, my life would be great, and I would be completely happy. This is another way we wait -- we make the insignificant significant, and that stalls us from growing, moving forward."

"Living in hope is not living in the moment -- it is the ultimate in waiting. To give up hope and be willing to be in the unknown requires courage. It is the beginning of breaking free."

"True freedom begins with letting go of certainty..."

these are wonderful!
thank you, you have given me much to reflect on and hopefully kick me in the butt to finish up the final parts of my ebook ;)
thanks!
have a great day!
~Jenn

[Erica Lee]

This such a good reminder! I could probably be deemed a "self-help junkie" as well. I think sometimes I think "Oh, after I read THIS book, take THIS workshop, BUY this product...then I'll be THIS, THAT & THE OTHER THING." I even felt that way while reading about this book! But then I caught myself & realized that the whole point of this post was that others can help guide us, but nobody else can really "save" us. We are our own saviors, always.

Love this!

[Steph]

Guilty (again!), of many (OK, most) of these charges. :) Thanks for posting this.

[Derrick]

Beautifully said,yeh,waiting,it just never happens!

[positively present]

Mark - You're welcome! It really was a great book and it was very quick read too. I'm glad you liked the photo. I found it on Tumblr and then added the quote.

Jenn - Thank you so much for your comment. I'm glad you enjoyed the post and found some great takeaways here. The book was very insightful and I learned a great deal from it. I'd highly recommend it!

Erica - I think so many people who read Positively Present (including me!) could probably fall under the category of "self-help junkie." While I don't always believe that the next thing I read or try is going to turn my life around, I do usually have hope that it will make a big impact on my like, mostly because I've had that experience before when it comes to certain self-help books or techniques. This book was a great reminder that we really are our own saviors and it's up to us -- not someone or something else -- to make our lives what we want them to be.

Steph - So many of us are! I'm glad you could relate to this. Thanks for commenting!

Derrick - It's true. The more we wait, the more things DON'T happen. It can be a frustrating, vicious cycle at times, but the more action we take, the better off we'll be. Thanks for stopping by!

[Chania Girl]

I used to be waiting for someday ... or Friday ... or Labor Day ... or a holiday. But I was never happy in the now. The now wasn't enough. Thankfully, this is not true anymore. I think it's because I try to do every day only the things I love. And when I can't, I try to do the things I don't enjoy so much with a thankful heart that there are so many other things I DO enjoy.

[J.D. Meier]

It's a great reminder to lead a life of action and drive from your life-style.

[positively present]

Chania Girl - I think so many people suffer from the now not being enough...and you've offered some great advice for doing what you love every day AND for being thankful for those things when you can't do them. Thanks for sharing these thoughts!

J.D. - Absolutely. A life of action is the way to go!

[Seamus Anthony]

Ha ha "ironic to find some of the answers I've been waiting for in a book about not waiting for answers" - love it!

Thanks for finding me, consider yourself found-back!

[jonathanfigaro]

If we don't take action, we will be exactly where we started. No where.

[Phil - Less Ordinary Living]

Hi PP -

No need to wait - carpe diem is my attitude. Nothing changes if we do nothing. I love you sharing your reading and interpretation. Self-help books certainly only work if we help ourself.

Phil

[Syd]

Each day I wait is a missed opportunity. I can do so many things that are good. No time like the present to get going.

[positively present]

Some great thoughts sent to me via email by Mike (who was unable to comment on the post):

Hi Dani! What a wonderful post ! So much accumulated wisdom is being shared. Very down to earth and applicable for the average individual. Mortals live by work and wages. In order to pursue and be happy in what they are about to achieve, overcoming initial inertia three things are needed : They must be fit for what they were striving for; They must not overdo it; And they must have a sense for success in doing it. Moeller's words teach us how to stop waiting and embrace the moment, something that life is all about in terms of our aggressive Western civilization. To me, so heavily involved with design thinking it is something a bit quite broader but gives you the same flavor. It presupposes a new growth –mindset to our main existing problems. Whether it’s called design thinking, lateral thinking, right-brain thinking, systems thinking, integrative thinking, futures thinking, or my own term of ‘metathinking,’ from a new perspective, the concept itself is rooted in a capacity to understand the world and our relationship to it, and within it, in a different way.

Design thinking is a “human-centered approach,” that means truly getting down to the core of what we think it means to be human, of what it ‘should’ look like, and how we want to experience life. When we see the word “design,” we may immediately think of just products made by a snooty designer; items we see displayed at a museum that bear no resemblance to something we’d find in our home, artwork that makes us somehow feel stupid because we don’t understand why it’s so special, or architecture that is said to make “a statement” but feels completely alien in the way it impacts us. That is not the same design that is being proposed by design thinking.

It proposes that the world is full of systems; from the ecosystem in which we live, to the social systems we’ve constructed via civilization, to the online social systems we’re creating as we develop a network culture. It broadened our perspective on the way culture works to think of it as a complex series of interactions, full of meaningful patterns that shape our society whether we’re aware of them or not. It made us think about the many systems around us that are currently collapsing, from global economic systems, to governments, to educational institutional models, to health care. The talk about massive change is pervasive today, and many suggest we need to undergo a complete paradigm shift in the way we operate if we’re to survive in a fashion that’s desirable and sustainable. The good news is, that shift can be made with intentionality and choice. We’re citizens in an increasingly participatory culture, and we begin to realize that that was the core essence – our ability to influence how we shape society. And finally stop waiting on our way, feeling the weight of the world, but start redesigning it as soon as possible by starting from ourselves.

[positively present]

Seamus - Glad you liked that! I'm also glad you found my site -- and I found yours. Thanks so much for stopping by!

Jonathan - Exactly! Great way of putting it and excellent reminder to start acting NOW.

Phil - Carpe diem is a great attitude to have. There is never a good time to do all of the things we want to so it's best to seize the day. I'm so glad you like reading the book reviews because reading is one of my favorite things to do and I love sharing it with readers!

Syd - It's so true that every day we don't take action, we're missing out. You're right about the fact that there really IS no time like the present!

Mike - Thank you so much for your comment. I'm sorry you weren't able to post it on Positively Present (I think the length of it might have something to do with it), but I'm glad you emailed it to me so I was able to share it here. You have some excellent insights!

[Karen]

This is my first visit to your site. Interesting post. Waiting is a huge topic and important to address I think.

I have spent a lot of my life waiting - I remember particularly, as a teenager, standing on my bedroom windowsill with my face pressed against the glass so that I could see the road a mile away. Waiting for the motorbike to appear. Waiting for the phone to ring. And standing for hours in the cold waiting for him to finish stripping the engine down. Forever waiting to be somewhere else.

[positively present]

Karen - Thanks for stopping by PP! It's definitely an important topic, which is why this book is such a great one. It addresses the issue of waiting (and how to stop doing it!). I know what you mean about waiting... I also spent a lot of my teen years waiting for someone else and I've come a long way since being the person I was back then (but not without a lot of hard work!). Thanks for your comment. I really appreciate you stopping by and sharing your experience.

[Kristen Moeller]

Thank you for the wonderful review of my book! I often wonder what the world would be like if we all lived our full self-expression. Oliver Wendell Holmes wrote that "many people die with their music still inside them." This quote ran through my mind when I had the inspiration to write "Waiting for Jack" - in that moment I declared to disrupt my ordinary way of being and to provide an access for others to do that as well. My wish for us all is that we "live out-loud" and make the difference we are here to make - in our own lives and the lives of others.

Thank YOU for making the difference in the world that you do - Thank you for this fabulous site!

Kristen Moeller
http://www.waitingforjack.com

[positively present]

Kristen - You're welcome! Thank YOU for writing such an inspiring book that caused me to write not one but TWO posts on it. That's a great quote you brought up and I think it's such an important concept to consider. I think the world would be a much better place if we all lived our full self-expression. We should all live life out loud and I'm grateful for you and your book for inspiring me and others to do so! Thank you for coming by and commenting on the review. It means a lot!