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Hard as it can be to realize sometimes, no matter what you think, you are good enough. With the onslaught of picture perfect images in the media and culturally defined ideas of what we "should" look like, sometimes it's so hard to just do one of the most basic things -- love ourselves. To me, loving yourself is the very first step to living a positive and present life. If you can't love yourself, you're going to have a hard time truly loving the world around you and enjoying the life you're living. However, loving yourself is no easy task sometimes. It actually takes a lot of hard work, which is why I've come up with the top five ways you can start loving yourself right now.
Top 5 Ways to Love Yourself
1. Stop comparing yourself to others. The entire world encourages us to compare, to want what others have, to want to be like others. In the post I wrote back in 2009, Stop Judging: 4 Reasons, 5 Things, 6 Ways, I talked about how much we lose when we waste time judging others and ourselves. If you truly want to love yourself, you must stop your comparisons. Focus on you and what's great about who you are, what you have, and what you do. Don't waste any more time comparing yourself to those around you. This is the first -- and most important -- step to loving yourself now.
2. Focus on your achievements -- big and small. To often, we focus on the things that went wrong (or could go wrong) and not on the things we did right. We'll dwell forever on a conversation that went poorly, but hardly think at all about a wonderful interaction with had with someone. Likewise, people are often more likely to focus on their failures than their achievements (probably as some sort of self-protection in order to avoid future failures). It's okay to acknowledge the things that didn't go swimmingly, but if you really want to love yourself, you have to spend most of your time thinking about what you did/said right. And, remember, even the little things deserve a pat on the back.
3. Look past the mirror to your true self. It's all too common for people to define themselves by the way they look. Remember: you are more than what you look like. Yes, it cannot be denied that appearance is important and has some merit, but it is not everything. The way culture is set up, it's hard to remember that sometimes. Next time you look in the mirror and find yourself filled with negative thoughts, remind yourself that you are more than what you see in that reflection. Your worth is more than the way you look. Once you convince yourself of the truth in those words, it will become much easier to love your true self.
4. View yourself from an another perspective. We all have the tendency from time to time to get wrapped up in our own minds. Our thoughts and ideas take over and we tend to forget that there are millions and millions of other opinions and ideas out there in the world. The next time you find that you're giving yourself a hard time, take a step back and try to look at the situation -- and yourself -- objectively. You may soon realize that the way you were looking at yourself or the situation is not the way that others would. Taking a step back and looking at yourself with fresh eyes will help you to realize that you are worth more than you realize -- and you are certainly deserving of your own love.
5. Make a list of all your awesome traits. Feeling like you're not quite up to par? Stop. Drop what you're doing. Grab paper and a pen. And get to work. The activity might seem like a silly one, but, seriously, taking some time to write about how great you are will help you to realize that, no matter how you might feel about yourself sometimes, you really are pretty awesome. And if you find yourself struggling with this exercise, enlist the help of friends and family. Hearing their input about your awesomeness will make you realize that, hey, if all of those people can love you, you can certainly love yourself!
As I said, loving yourself isn't easy. It seems like the kind of thing that should come naturally, but I think most people are filled with reasonable amount of self-doubt and, as a result, their minds fill with self-deprecating thoughts from time to time. It's okay to struggle with self-love, but it's not okay not to give it a really solid try. You deserve to love yourself because, no matter who you are, you are awesome. So start embracing your awesomeness and use the five tips above to start loving yourself now. There's no time like the present to learn to love yourself!
Great post! #2...is what I need to focus on and remember to not be so hard on myself and just because I haven't gotten to part D yet...the success of part A, B and parts of C are great and to be proud of it. Baby steps as they say.
Thanks for the reminder!
Posted by: Saggleo | January 05, 2011 at 01:28 PM
Hi,
This is perfect! Self-love is so hard & believe it is the root of all problems. If we were taught from early on to love ourselves just imagine what the world would be like! You tips for loving ourselves are lovely and they work! Thanks!
Posted by: Dandy | January 05, 2011 at 02:44 PM
One of the hardest habits to break was comparing myself to others. As I did this I realized that it can actually be a good thing if done in moderation. We are social beings that need to measure our success. Instead of getting mad at myself I used it as motivation to do a better job on my blog and with my products.
I recently found a cool quote that fits with #3. "What the public criticizes in you, cultivate. It is you." Jean Cocteau
I love this quote because it means we have to embrace everything about ourselves even the stuff people criticize.
Posted by: Karl Staib - Work Happy Now | January 05, 2011 at 04:08 PM
Saggleo - Thank you! It's crucial to focus on the good things about yourself if you want to love who you are. It can be all too easy to dwell on the negative, but loving yourself means looking for the positive in who you are. Glad you liked this one!
Dandy - Thanks! Loving yourself is definitely hard work and, as you said, it's not always something we're taught early on in life. If we were, it would be a lot easier to love ourselves as we grew older. I'm glad you liked the tips!
Karl - Comparing can be a terrible trap and it's one that so many people find themselves in, but you bring up a good point about how comparisons, in moderation, can be a good thing. It can certainly be a source of motivation, which can ultimately lead to positive things. Thanks for sharing that quote -- it's perfect for this post!
Posted by: positively present | January 05, 2011 at 05:39 PM
A wonderful post. I too get caught up in the comparision trap. I have to remember that this is my journey, my story and that everyone has their own path. If I look, I can always find "better" things in others, but that is just a small fragment of the overall picture. And, as you said, wasted time.
Posted by: Michelle Elisabeth | January 06, 2011 at 01:40 PM
Great post!
If you don't mind, I'd like to expand on your tip #4. It often helps me to think, "What would I say to myself if I were my own best friend?" I tend to be much more loving and encouraging to myself this way.
Posted by: Vi | Maximizing Utility | January 06, 2011 at 02:05 PM
Michelle Elisabeth - Thank you! It's so hard not to compare ourselves to others when that's what we're taught to do pretty much our whole lives. I love the idea of focusing on your own story. Great way of putting it!
Vi - Great addition to #4! If more people asked themselves that question, they would be a lot kinder to themselves and probably love themselves a lot more. Thanks for sharing that question. It's a really excellent one.
Posted by: positively present | January 06, 2011 at 05:47 PM
hey Dani, super solid! Yea sometimes we all just need to give ourselves more credit for the things we do. Awesome post !
Posted by: Rocky | January 07, 2011 at 12:21 AM
Rocky - Thanks! I agree -- we all just need to give ourselves a little more credit for the things we accomplish. It would be a lot easier to love ourselves more if we did that!
Posted by: positively present | January 07, 2011 at 06:58 AM
This is a great post. I wrote a post on how to love yourself as well.
http://isainspired.blogspot.com/2010/11/loving-yourself-for-who-you-are-how-to.html
Regards,
Isa
Posted by: Isa | January 14, 2011 at 10:04 AM
Isa - Thank you! I'm looking forward to checking out your post as well. It's such an important topic and I'm glad you're writing about it too.
Posted by: positively present | January 14, 2011 at 10:21 AM
yesterday someone told me that i lack of appearance and so advice me to dress up when coming for interview.why people judge other person by their appearance.can't they accept me because i'm good at other things?how can we love ourself if people give negative feedback to us?thanks for your post.
Posted by: love87 | January 15, 2011 at 02:23 AM
Love87 - Unfortunately there is a lot of judgment in the world when it comes to appearances. It's one of the first things people notice and, therefore, it becomes something people value (often more than they should). I agree that people should accept others as they are and not judge them on their appearances, but this can be a very difficult thing to do. One thing I've found to be incredibly helpful when it comes to self-love is to surround yourself with people who are a positive influence on you and who offer constructive criticism. It can be hard to realize sometimes, but often people who love us are offering advice (which can seem like judgment) because they care about us and want us to be happy. It's important to take a close look at your relationships and see if those around you are trying to help you by offering advice or if they are simply being negative and trying to bring you down. If it's constant negativity you find, it's best to find other people to surround yourself with who will support you and encourage you to love yourself.
Posted by: positively present | January 15, 2011 at 09:13 AM