would you like you if you met you?: 9 tips to be likeable

 
 (♥)

 

We all want positive influences in our lives and many of us are searching for them relentlessly -- foraging friendships and letting those go who don't inspire us -- but often we forget to ask ourselves if we are positive influences. We go through life looking for positivity and seeking it in others without really assessing what it is that we're giving back to others. Cliche as it sounds, you get what you give. Once I started thinking about this topic, I my mind started racing with questions -- questions we all could be asking ourselves. So, take a moment, stop what you're doing, and ask yourself these questions: 

• What kind of vibe do I give off? 
• How do I convey my beliefs and thoughts to others? 
• How enjoyable am I to be around? 
• What makes me interesting? Fun? Positive? 
• What am I giving back to those around me? 

 

Honestly, when I stopped and really answered these questions for myself, I wasn't as happy with the answers as I would like to be. There are times when I'm just plain not fun to be around. I'm in a rush or I'm stressed or I'm thinking to myself, "What's next?" And who wants to be around someone who isn't enjoying the moment, but is instead thinking about what she has to do next? I certainly wouldn't want to be around someone like that, and yet, I am someone like that more often than I'd like. 

The whole "get what you give" concept is cliche, yes, but it's also true. If you want to be around a certain type of person, you need to be that type of person. If you don't feel as if you are the type of person you would want to spend time with, you must ask yourself:

 

What can I do to make myself the kind of person I want to be around? 

 

Of course, I'm not at all suggesting that you change who you are. At our very core, we have certain attributes and characteristics that make us who we are. We should be true to ourselves. But there are parts of ourselves that we can alter and tweak so that we are more enjoyable to be around. It might sound like this is changing ourselves for others, but, in reality, the more enjoyable you are to be around, the more people will want to be with you and the more enjoyment you'll find for yourself. 

I don't have any magic formula when it comes to making yourself a likeable, enjoyable person to be around. Everyone is unique and the people we surround ourselves with are unique as well. In some social circles, it might be important to be quiet and reserved, while in others its imperative that one be outgoing and boisterous. Though it's up to you to assess your own social circle and your own personal pros and cons, I can offer some generic words of wisdom when it comes to being a likeable person who is enjoyable to spend time with. 

 

9 Ways To Be More Likeable

1. Be yourself. The more you stay true to yourself, the more likeable you will be. This might not seem obvious because you might wonder, "What if no one likes the real me?" It can be really hard to be yourself -- especially if you feel like you don't fit in -- but even if you are different from other people, when you are true to yourself, people appreciate that. Just think about the last time you met someone who was truly being him/herself. Even if you didn't really relate to him or her, you have to admit that there is something fantastic about someone who is comfortable with who they are. Strive to emulate that in your own life.

2. Stay in the moment. Despite the fact that the word "present" is in the title of my site, staying in the moment is very hard for me -- and it really takes away from me being a likeable person. When I'm worrying about what I'm going to do next or focusing on what happened before, I'm not enjoying the moment -- and I'm making it less enjoyable for those around me. Stay present to make yourself happier -- and more likeable to be around.

3. Be open to new ideas. The more open you are to new ideas, the more enjoyable it is to be in your company. People want to be around people who will be receptive to them and encourage them. Shooting down others ideas and only asserting your own is a sure way to lose friends. While it's critical to be yourself, it's equally as important to be open and willing to hear what others have to say. And that leads us to #4...

4. Learn to listen. If you want to be a likeable person, one of the best things you can do for yourself is learn to become an excellent listener. Sure, people want to hear you talk too, but what people really want is someone who can listen to what they're saying. Listening seems like a basic skill, but it's a tough one for me to master. I always want to jump in with my thoughts and ideas so learning to be a better listener is something I really have to work on -- and you can too!

5. Go with the flow. Another tough one for me is going with the flow. I love my routines and schedules and favorite things/foods/places, so breaking out of my comfort zone and just going with the flow can be really difficult for me. However, I know this is a crucial step to being an enjoyable person to be around. No one wants to be around people so stuck in their ways that they don't want to compromise so if you want to be likeable, you have to learn to give a little and just go with the flow.

6. Point out the positive. You and I both know that no one wants to be around someone negative all the time. It's such a downer and it really is one of the worst ways to be likeable. One of the best ways, of course, is to be positive! People love to have people around who bring with them positive energy and who focus on the good things. Next time you're surrounded by others, try taking a moment to point out some positive things about the situation and see how others respond.

7. Avoid negative judgments. Judging is a surefire way to make some enemies -- and to promote negativity -- and we all know that that's not what you want when you're trying to be an enjoyable person to be around. As fun as judging can be sometimes, it's not the glue you want to use to hold a friendship or relationship together. Instead of bonding with someone by critiquing others, try to bring up positive points about other people and unite over those things instead. People don't want to be judged so avoiding negative judgments can really help to make you a more likeable person to spend time with.

8. Be interested -- and interesting. Here's the thing: when I'm bored, it's very obvious that I'm bored. I'm not all that great at feigning interest. But this is something I need to work on. I once read somewhere: "Only boring people get bored," and I believe that to be true. Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, there's something interesting going on. Find out what it is and focus on it. Ask good questions. And, importantly, bring your own interesting facts to the table. Don't be afraid to share with others because everyone loves an interesting person!

9. Respect others (and yourself). One of the most basic things you can do in any situation if you want to be likeable is to treat others with respect. No matter what others do/say, it's important to be respectful of them and their ideas or words. If you want to be enjoyable to be around, you have to have respect for others -- and that all starts with having respect for yourself. A lack of respect for yourself is a great way to be unlikeable so start with self-love and cultivating a sense of self-respect to make yourself an enjoyable person to be around.

 

As you can see, being likeable doesn't mean being someone you're not. It's never a good idea to pretend to be someone else or to change the essence of who you are to fit in with a group, but it doesn't hurt to assess ways you can be more enjoyable to be around. After all, the more enjoyable you are to be around, the more enjoyable situations will be for you. If you remain true to yourself and follow the nine steps above, you'll be well on your way to being the kind of person you'd like if you met you. 

Comments

[Alyssa Bornhorst]

Great post. Sometimes those are things that I need to be reminded of as well. Sometimes it is so easy to bash others for being a certain way, when we need to look at ourselves first.

[positively present]

Alyssa - Thank you! It's always much easier to point a finger at others, but it really pays to stop and think about the way we portray ourselves to others. Thanks for your commenting!

[Jen]

These are great tips! (As always.) I have to admit this even though I feel kinda guilty...there are certain people who call me when, as soon as I see their name come up on my phone, I instantly feel drained. I like them as people, but they are so negative and draining to be around. I tend to have a complex to want to fix people, and I've realized that I draw people to me who are like that because of it...they in turn will tell me they were drawn to me because I'm so positive and they want more positivity in their lives. But sometimes I feel like more than bringing them up, they bring me down. I know that the entire conversation is going to be about how bad everything in their life is. There's a line between someone reaching out for help/being there for a friend and someone being such a downer all the time that being their friend is more detrimental to you than it is uplifting to them.

Having said that, when you're going through something hard, the only way to push through it is to face the feelings and talk them out, and you should never, ever not talk to someone because you're afraid of bringing them down. I think the difference is when someone is having a really hard time and then when they just decide they're content to stay miserable 24-7. I'm not talking depression or something they can't help; I'm talking people who just aren't happy unless they're unhappy.

I'm not exactly sure what I'm getting at with all of this, but for some reason, I felt the need to write it. lol

[Saggleo]

Love the whole list...and great reminders! I wonder sometimes if I'm likeable or getting on someone's nerves w/ something repeatedly...and with my friends (I'll say real friends) I will ask them directly if I feel like I may be a bit annoying about something. Almost most of the time I've heard no, but I felt much better for asking and showing the communication that it's okay to do so.

Thanks for the post!

[Evelyn Lim]

I enjoyed your tip #8. When I meet someone new, I am interested to find out more about the other person. I like to ask questions. However, I realize that mostly others would answer questions without asking me anything back in return. It's as if they are only keen in talking about themselves. I'm also wondering if I am also sending out the vibe that I'm more interested in finding out about others than talk about myself...hmmm

[positively present]

Jen - Thanks for sharing your experience with negative/draining people. I know exactly what you mean: there is a balance between being a good, supportive friend and not allowing yourself to be brought down by other people's unhappiness and it's a difficult balance to achieve. It's important to do what you can to surround yourself with positive people, who will only come to you when something truly painful has happened to them. If you have too many people in your life that are draining you emotionally, you won't have enough emotional energy left for yourself, making it much harder for you to handle your own issues. It's important to be a good friend -- but even more important to take care of yourself emotionally. Don't let too many people drag you down!

Saggleo - Thank you! It's always hard to tell how others perceive us, but I like what you said about having open communication. That's one of the best ways to find out how your interactions with others are impacting them!

Evelyn - Thanks! Glad you liked that one! I find that a lot of people I know fall into two categories: they like to ask lots of questions or they like to talk a lot (mostly about themselves). It's important to have a balance, and sometimes, if people don't ask you questions, you have to volunteer the information. It helps to get the ball rolling and get them interested in asking, rather than simply answering. Thanks for the comment and for sharing your experience!

[Jen]

Thanks for your response - I wasn't sure whether to post what I said, for some reason, but I'm glad I did. Everything you said made perfect sense! Thanks for "getting" me.

[positively present]

Jen - You're welcome! I'm glad you posted your comment. It was a great one and raised some excellent points. It's great to have interesting interactions that make me think so thanks so much for reading and commenting.

[Joyce at I Take Off The Mask]

Indeed, we can only find true happiness when we find the courage to take off our masks and be true to ourselves. ;) It doesn't mean however that we cannot improve the person behind the mask. It only means we have to follow our own path and become the best person we can be!

[positively present]

Joyce - Great to hear from you! As you said, taking off our masks and being who we truly are is the best way to find true and lasting happiness -- and it's also one of the best ways we can learn more about ourselves. Thanks for your comment!