where's goldie?: searching for what is already there

(♥)

 

On my recent birthday, my parents gifted me with one of the books I loved to have read to me again and again when I was a toddler, Where's Goldie?. Having spotted it online a few months back and having been too astounded at the price tag to purchase it myself, I was thrilled to receive it as a gift. Though the memories of reading that book are somewhat second-hand, I vaguely recall the thrill of hunting for the little gold bird on each of the book's pages. Even at a young age, I was enticed with the idea of knowing what little Maggie, the book's lead character, couldn't see -- that her so-called missing bird Goldie was, in fact, with her all the time.

Driving home the other night after a particularly challenging day at the office, Bright Eyes' We Are Nowhere and It's Now filtered through my stereo. I sang along with the lyrics:

She says these bars are filled with things that kill
By now you probably should have learned
How could you forget that, yellow bird?
How could you forget your yellow bird?

Thinking about the words -- the bars filled with poisons that killed me for so long, the happiness that always seemed to elude me when I was drinking -- my mind wandered back to Where's Goldie?, to the underlying meaning behind the book's title and it hit me: little Goldie was a symbol for our personal happiness. It's the thing we think we've lost -- especially after a hard day -- but is actually always with us. We can search for it, ask others where it might have gone, spend day and night looking for it, but it's always there. It might be hiding, or lurking in the background of our thoughts, but it's there. 

 

Searching for Goldie 

Let me explain a bit about the book for those of you who weren't toddlers (or reading to toddlers) back in the early 1980s. 

In the book, Maggie's bird, Goldie, flies out the window one morning after she lets it out of its cage. Though Maggie runs outside to find Goldie, asking all of her friends, neighbors, pets, and the random policewoman who stops to say hello (certainly different from my experiences with police officers!), no one has seen her little bird. However, on each page, little Goldie is hiding somewhere. Maggie may not have seen Goldie -- perhaps because she was looking so frantically or asking others instead of really looking around herself -- but Goldie was always there. 

In the book, little Maggie returns home for dinner (to sit her in highchair after having spent the entire day traipsing around the neighborhood solo... parenting must have been different in the '80s) and is very unhappy. After searching all day, she still has not found her feathered friend. [Spoiler alert!] When she's finally in bed -- no longer searching for Goldie -- the little bird returns, alighting on her finger and bringing a big smile to her face. 

 

Stop Asking, Stop Looking, Start Living

Like Maggie, so many of us are out there every day looking for happiness. Maybe, like Maggie, we had it once and feel as if we lost it -- like it flew out the window just as Goldie did. Or maybe we feel as if we never had a Goldie and are on the constant hunt for contentment. Either way, many of us are struggling to find happiness on a daily basis. Soul-searchers like me are constantly asking, "What would make me happy? How can I do (or not do) something to make my life more fulfilling?" And, on the down days, "Why am I not happier? What can I do to live a happier life?" I find that, like Maggie, the more I ask where happiness is, the more I get the cop-stopping-to-say-hello telling me she hasn't seen it.

For a long time I was just like Maggie on the cover of the book. I was looking around, hands on my hips, frustrated with the lack of happiness in my life. I was baffled by its absence, certain I must have had it and then misplaced it. I looked, I asked, I searched (mostly online), and still the golden goodness of a happy life seemed to escape me. I went to bed like Maggie did the day she thought her bird was lost forever -- despondent, lonely, and frustrated. 

It wasn't until more recently that I realized that happiness -- my own elusive Goldie -- was with me all along. I hadn't let it out of its cage only to never see it again; I had not lost the happiness, the inner contentment in my life. I'd spent quite a few years of my adult life searching and looking for something that was with me, inside me, no matter where I went. Perhaps I should have -- or maybe I did? -- channeled my childhood self, the one who was able to find Goldie on every single page, every single time. 

 

Stop Being the Character + Start Reading the Story

Of course, it's much easier when you're looking at the big picture from a distance -- holding the pages of the book rather than being a character in the story. That's why it's so important to see the big picture, to read the whole story of what you are. When looking for happiness in our lives, we so often look right around us, asking the people we know, searching in our neighborhood for what we think we've lost. But our lives are bigger than that. You might think you're looking in the right places, but as a character in your own life story, there's a lot you might be missing. It's hard not to get caught up in the questioning, in your own narrative. It's hard to stop and see the big picture. 

But big picture is what happiness is. It's broader, larger, more than just the Q&A, the looking into every nook and cranny. It's all around us -- and inside us. It's bigger than the words on the page, bigger than the questions we ask ourselves and others. Whether you see it or not, it's on every single page of your story. Yes, it might be giving you a sassy can't-catch-me look behind your back, as Goldie seems to be doing on the book's cover, but its is there. Stop looking for it, stop asking about it, and, just like Maggie, you'll soon see that it will reappear, swooping into your life like a little golden bird. 

Comments

[Paula]

What a beautiful and uplifting post — thank you!

[positively present]

Paula - You're welcome! It was nice to see -- and write about -- my childhood favorite book from a completely new perspective. Glad you enjoyed it!

[Hilary]

Hi Dani .. what a lovely story and it must have been a beautiful book - that would have sent every little girls' hearts racing - wonderful your parents were thoughtful enough to purchase it for you ...

Great - cheers for now .. Hilary

[positively present]

Hilary - So great to hear from you! It was a definitely an exciting book for me as a kid and it was almost surreal for me to write about it as I did in this post, so many years later. Hope all is well! Cheers!

[Mae]

I love this post!!! I can relate to Maggie ... and you. You're always so inspiring. Thanks for sharing your stories.

[positively present]

Mae - Thank you!! I'm so glad you liked this and could relate. Thanks for reading!