book review: situations matter

(♥)

 

When I first started reading Situations Matter: Understanding How Context Transforms Your World by Sam Sommers, I quickly found that the book's subtitle -- "understanding how context transforms your world" -- was, in fact, quite accurate. Learning how to pay attention to situations, as I did while reading the book, really did transform my world. As Sommers writes, "Ordinary contexts of all types -- where you are, who you're with, what you see around you -- transform how you act and, indeed, what kind of person you appear to be... We're more influenced by those around us than we'd like to believe. Even our private sense of identity is highly context-dependent." 

It's the last bit of that phrase that really got me hooked. Though Sommers addresses quite a few topics in relation to context -- gender, taking action, love, hate, etc. -- it is the chapter "You're Not the Person You Thought You Were" that really captivated my attention. 

 

You're Not Who You Thought You Were

Sommers seems to be stating the obvious when he writes, "even though you fancy yourself the master of your own destiny, the people around you still have a dramatic impact on how you think and act." Sure, of course. But Sommers argues that the people around us not only shape our behavior, but also our private thoughts. While this actually makes a lot of sense, it's something I never considered before. 

And our own self-perception isn't just impacted by the people around us. It's also impacted by the context of our situations. As Sommers writes, "Even the most private of perceptions -- our very sense of self -- is shaped by where we are and who we're with." Context -- the situation, the people, the place, the time -- influences our thoughts and sense of self much more than we realize. And this is a very important thing to consider when striving to live a positive, present life. 

Sommers notes that, because context impacts our sense of self, the self we perceive ourselves to be is not a static person, but rather a flexible person who can, and does, change depending on the context. Learning this -- and accepting it -- is actually a critical element to living a positive and present life. I agree with Sommers when he writes,

"It's refreshing to realize that you're not a finished product -- that who you are in the here and now may not be the same person you'll be in the then and there. In fact, it's that opposite view of the self as a fixed entity that causes problems. When you assume there's a true core self waiting to be discovered, that's when your potential seems limited and the world around you is full of threats to be rationalized away."

Personally, I was always more of the "look for your true self" mindset until I read Sommer's book. Reading it opened my eyes to the idea that we're flexible, malleable creatures and we can be completely different beings when in different contexts. I used to view this as a negative thing -- people changing who they are depending on where they are or who they are with -- but now I see that we are not static. We are always changing based on the present moment and that's okay.

Sommers writes: "When you accept that the answer to 'Who am I?' should be written in pencil and not pen, threats become opportunities and failures transform into life lessons. Even if this isn't how you usually see things, it's not too late to start now." When I read those sentences, it really felt like Sommers was speaking directly to me. Accepting the self as flexible, as context-dependent, was something I'd always hesitated to do. But, after reading this book, I realize just how important context is -- and how much it impacts our sense of self.   

 

The Benefits of Understanding Situations

"When we look at situations objectively...we're better able to pick up on the clues that allow us to understand other people and achieve the outcomes we seek," writes Sommers. Though this is much more easily said than done (how hard it is to see the context when you're in the moment!), these words are filled with wisdom. The more we can objectively look at a situation -- something we can do by being present in the moment and not allowing our minds to create scenarios that are anything but what is right in front of us -- the more positive our lives will become. 

As I said, it's not easy to do this. But Sommers offers a suggestion that's sure to help anyone struggling to really see the context of a situation: "Force yourself to see familiar situations from unfamiliar perspectives. Every day, make yourself walk the proverbial miles in the proverbial shoes of others." Why should we all give this advice a try? Because, according to Sommers, "rediscovering the power of situations will do more than make you a more patient human being [a perk that would be enough incentive for me to give it a go!] -- it'll improve your ability to navigate social settings and make you better at your job to boot." 

Think that sounds like a pretty big promise for just seeing the context of a situation? Don't knock it till you try it. While we all probably understand the general idea that situations impact us, it's not until you read Sommers book that you'll realize just how much they impact us -- and how we can use understanding the context of our lives to make the world we live in a more positive one. In my opinion, there isn't a single person who couldn't benefit from reading Sommer's book. To pick up a copy, click Situations Matter: Understanding How Context Transforms Your World. 

Comments

[Dayne]

Hey Dani, love this review. I'm always on the prowl for new and inspiring books to read...especially books that challenge our own self-perception and reality. Going to pick this one up for sure. Thanks!

[Derrick]

Brilliant! I love the pencil/pen thing. Does the ego tend to make this seem unattainable? Or confuse it?

[positively present]

Dayne - Glad you liked the review! It was definitely a thought-provoking book. Hope you enjoy it!

Derrick - Me too! It was my favorite quote from the book. You raise a good point about the ego. I think the ego is, in fact, why people have such a hard time realizing the definition of who they are is written in pencil. Our ego wants us to believe ourselves as clearly defined at all times, but that's just not the case. Great point!

[J.D. Meier]

Beautiful write up.

One of my mentors really made it a point to tell me, "Read the situation" and to "see the writing on the wall."

[positively present]

JD - Thank you! Glad you liked it. I agree that it's so important to "read the situation," though it can be quite difficult when you're in the midst of it sometimes!

[Heather J. @ TLC Book Tours]

It is amazing how much context really does matter in everyday life, and how often we overlook it's importance.

I'm glad you found this one so readable! Thanks for being a part of the tour.

[positively present]

Heather - Yes, it really does and this book helped me to see how important context is. Glad I was able to be a part of the tour!