I'm afraid of 2012.
No, I don't think the world is going to end. In fact, I think my world is just beginning. And, oddly enough, that's more intimidating than the end of the world. I am excited by all the possibilities of this year -- starting my career as a writer, the dream I've dreamt for a lifetime finally coming true. But no one ever tells you how terrifying a dream-come-true can be. No one ever tells you how scary it is when your lifelong wish is only a few weeks away.
It's so different when a dream is far in the future, when it's just a goal you hope you will reach, a star you're always aiming for. But when it draws near -- when all you've wanted is slowly becoming a reality -- that's when the fear creeps in. That's when some tiny little creature in the back of my mind squeaks: What if you're not enough? What if you fail? What if the risks you're taking aren't worth it? What if...? That's when things start to get real.
I've lived a lot of my life in fear. I've always wanted to be a writer. So why is it just now that I'm becoming one? Why have I allowed myself to settle into a career that didn't fulfill my lifelong goals? Because I was scared. I was scared to push myself, to challenge myself. And, in all honesty, I'm still scared. But now I'm even more scared of looking back on my life and wondering what it would have been like if I'd taken risks, if I'd pushed myself, if I'd done whatever I possibly could to live a life I loved.
I'm incredibly fortunate to have the support of my family, friends, and my amazing boyfriend. I wouldn't stand a chance without them standing behind me. But I'm scared of letting them -- and myself -- down. I'm scared that at this time next year I will look back and wonder what the hell I was thinking. (Not very positive of me, huh?)
That squeaky little voice in my head is whispering what ifs, reminding me of all that could go wrong. That little voice is fear. That little voice has been holding me back and this is the year I will silence it.
This year I'm making only one resolution: to let go of fear.
There is so much I have wanted to do and not done.
There is so much I have wanted to be and not become.
This year I will do. This year I will be.
I'd recommend you do the same. 2012 may not be the end of the world, but it's another year passing. Another year to do what you've always wanted to do. Another year to be who you have always wanted to be. Don't waste any more time with fear. Silence those voices telling you what you cannot be. As Liz Taylor said, "So much to do, so little done, such things to be..."
2012 will be my year of doing, of being. Make it yours too.