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positively present picks: january 30, 2015

Never Lose Heart
 

image from www.positivelypresent.com

"Watch out for the joy stealers: gossip, criticism, complaining,
fault-finding, and a negative, judgmental attitude."

Joyce Meyer

 

image from www.positivelypresent.com

Accept What Is : how to let go of labeling "good" or "bad"

The First Photos of Snowflakes : how cool are snowflakes?!

In Love with Love : a Valentine's Day Pinterest board

The Sketchbook Project : so cool to see others' sketchbooks!

2015 Poster Download : a great way to focus on what you want

Centering Your Inner Chef : love this article on conscious cooking

Today Isn't Over Yet : reading this inspired me to embrace the whole day

To Fall in Love with Someone, Do This : quite an interesting read!
(and to fall out of love with someone, do this!)

16 Quotes to Make You Feel Amazing : inspiring + motivating

How to Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You (Including Yourself)

Using Affirmations to Change Negative Thoughts : lovin' this guide

10 Ways to Cure Loneliness : 'cause we all feel it sometimes

 

image from www.positivelypresent.com

Check out this week's
Positively Present playlist on YouTube
 

"Clean" (Cover) — Travis Atreo
"I Don't Need Anyone" — Hamilton Leithauser
"Swoop Me Up" — Onyay Pheori
"First Time" — Vance Joy
"Ashes and Wine" — A Fine Frenzy
"Dancing in the Dark" (Cover) — Mat Kearney
"Youth" — Daughter
"This Is the Beginning" — BOY
"I Can't Make You Love Me" — Bon Iver
"Toxic" (Cover) — Yael Naim
"Clementine" — Sarah Jaffe
"Keep Your Head Up" — Ben Howard
 

The Memory of Running
Ron McLarty

In Praise of Love
Alain Badiou

(pre-order my book, coming soon!)

The Positively Present Guide to Life
Dani DiPirro

 


you are free: 4 lessons from meditating on forgiveness

Forgive

 

A little over a week ago, I attended an all-day meditation retreat led by Tara Brach. I'd signed up it months ago and it seemed like a fun idea, a great way to really see how mindful I could be, but as the day grew near, I started to worry. Would I be able to sit still all day? Would I be able to survive without looking at my phone? Would I be able to handle my own thoughts for hours and hours at a time? Though I strive to be positive and present in my daily life, meditation is an entirely different level of presence — and one I wasn't entirely sure I was ready to tackle for an entire day. 

I was uneasy about the experience (as I often am when I try new things), but I tried to go into it with an open heart and mind. And I'm glad I did. The day-long experience ended up being wonderful for me. It was a challenge, for sure, but one that left me feeling inspired and introspective. I took countless pages of notes, sat still for long periods at a time (something I really couldn't have imagined doing before the retreat), and looked at my phone very little. The meditation leader, Tara, touched on so many thought-provoking topics that I knew I'd have a hard time writing this post. It was such an enlightening experience that I want to share every little bit of it.

Since this probably won't be the last post I write about the experience (and it probably won't be the last time I attend a session hosted by Tara), I've decided to focus on one of the topics that resonated with me the most: forgiveness. This particular meditation session focused on emotional healing so it's no suprise that this topic came up. It's a concept I'm obviously familiar with (who isn't?), but I learned some very important lessons about forgiveness while listening to Tara speak, including...

 

FORGIVING IS UNNATURAL. 

When Tara spoke of forgiveness, she reminded us that it's not necessarily a natural thing. To paraphrase what she said, "In some way, we all feel separate from other people. We've all be hurt; we've all been wronged. In an effort to protect ourselves from pain, we put down those who have hurt us. It is a survival instinct. It's natural to want not to forgive, to aim to protect ourselves, but blaming others causes us pain and holds us back from love." It's natural to avoid things that have caused us pain, which makes it feel unnatural to forgive. But when we forgive (even if we don't forget), we open up space in our hearts and minds for love. This might sound cheesy, but it's the truth. The more you forgive, the more you love. And the more you love, the more you create a more positive, present life for yourself. To forgive you might have to resist the human instinct for protection. I like to think of it like this: when you forgive, you're choosing connection over protection. The more you can connect with others (even those who have wronged you), the more you can create a more peaceful and loving environment for yourself. (Keep in mind that the connection has to be healthy for you. If forgiving will bring you pain or put you in unhealthy situations, take a look at the next point.)

 

FORGIVING IS NOT ALWAYS POSSIBLE. 

Tara said something along the lines of: "You can't will forgiveness, but you can be willing. The intention to forgive can open your heart. When you forgive, you are free." Forgiveness doesn't always come easily. Some things feel as if they are unforgivable. A great many of those things feel unforgivable because we don't even open ourselves up to the possibility of forgiving. We shut it down quickly, making it not even an option. If we at least try to be open to the notion of forgiving someone who has wronged us, we might find that forgiveness is, in fact possible. However, Tara raised a great point when she mentioned that sometimes we aren't ready for forgiveness. Sometimes, particularly in highly traumatic situations, we're not in a place where forgiveness in a healthy option for us. I like to think that, even in the most traumatic situations, forgiveness will come in time because true forgiveness is the best path to freedom from pain. However, I think it's important to be okay with not being ready for forgiveness, to know that forgiveness isn't always possible in the present moment. 

 

FORGIVING IS OPENING UP TO FEELING.

One of my favorite things that Tara said while talking about forgiveness was this: "What would you have to feel if you let go of the idea that the other person is wrong?" She asked the audience to shout out answers to this question and some of them were: powerlessness, anxiety, blame, loneliness, guilt, regret. As I sat in my chair listening to these answers, I could really relate to them. But then I also started to realize how negative these were. Yes, the idea of removing blame and then having to experience these emotions is incredibly difficult to imagine, but what about some of the more positive emotions that we might have to feel, like love and empathy? Wouldn't those be particularly difficult to feel toward someone we'd been unable to forgive? As I thought about it, I realized that, as difficult as it would be to experience these emotions, both the good and the bad, it's perhaps even more difficult to avoid experiencing them. Forgiveness is about feeling, which is maybe why it's so hard to do sometimes. But the more we feel (negative and positive), the more we learn about others and about ourselves and with that knowledge we can do so much. 

 

FORGIVING DOES NOT MEAN CONDONING. 

Toward the end of her talk on forgiveness, Tara said (to paraphrase): "We often feel as though, if we let go of blame, something bad will happen. Forgiveness is not about condoning bad behavior. Forgiveness frees your heart, but it doesn't mean you can't still protect yourself. When you forgive, you become bigger than the victimization." One of the things, I think, that holds us back from forgiving others is believing that if we forgive them, we are admitting that what they have done to us is okay. But that's not what forgiveness is. Forgiveness is to stop feeling hurt about something that was done to you. It doesn't mean that what was done was right. It doesn't mean that you will ever have the same relationship you had. Forgiveness is much more about changing how you feel inside you than it is about changing what's happening outside with others. As Tara put it, "When you forgive, you are free." Forgiveness is often mistaken for something that sets someone else free, but it's actually about setting yourself free, which is one of the most positive things you can do for yourself when you've been hurt.  

 

Forgiveness can be a complex topic because the acts and people you might need to forgive can vary so widely. However, the underlying notion of freeing yourself through forgiveness — no matter how you've been wronged — is the same. As I sat meditating on forgiveness after Tara's talk, thinking about those I wanted to forgive and those I wanted to forgive me, I reached a deep and clear understanding about how important forgiving others is and how truly amazing it feels to simply forgive. It is a release unlike anything, filled only with the possibility for love and peace. 

Tara encouraged us to imagining forgiving those who have hurt us and asking for forgiveness from those we'd hurt. It was quite therapeutic to do this, to simply think the words "I forgive you," even if I knew I would never say them aloud. Give it a try if you can. Think of those you need to forgive (perhaps even yourself) and say to yourself: "I forgive you, __________ for  __________." It's a simple sentence but it can bring you a sense of peace and understanding that you might not have experienced before. This isn't to say that forgiveness will remove all pain, but I personally found attempting it to be incredibly freeing, lifting just a little bit of weight from the heaviness of the human heart. 

 

PPG-Preorder

 
Less than a month until my new book, The Positively Present Guide to Life, debuts and I'm SO excited! The book is all about how to stay positive and present in various areas of life including: at home, at work, in love, in relationships, and during change. I've turned back to it often this year as I've gone through major changes and it's been tremendously helpful. The book is filled with inspiring images that make it even easier to stay positive and present. You can learn more about the book and find out where to buy a copy here. (You can also get a sneak peek at the book, access a free download, and watch the book trailer!)


positively present picks: january 23, 2015

It Will Happen
 

image from www.positivelypresent.com

"You will get there when you're meant to get there,
and not one moment sooner...so relax, breathe, and be patient."

Mandy Hale

 

image from www.positivelypresent.com

Lettering the Days : I love this project of handlettered days!

The Fearless Challenge : check out this awesome (free!) challenge

How to Declutter Your Home for Good : excellent advice here

5 Reasons to Use Pinterest to Create a Vision Board

Mindful Art Subscription : what a wonderful + inspiring idea!

4 Tendencies Quiz : I'm a REBEL (what are you?)

Is It Good or Bad? : you have a choice about what to believe

Quit Setting Goals : how to start creating habits instead

An Introvert's Guide to Becoming More Social : yes, please!

5 Ways to Protect Your Energy from Negative Influences

Leonie Dawson : such a beautiful + inspiring site for business

Why Worrying Is a Waste of Time : hint: it all works out in the end

Redefining Love : loving this article about love on Live Happy

Meditating Can Actually Change Your DNA : so cool!

 

image from www.positivelypresent.com

Check out this week's
Positively Present playlist on YouTube
 

"Breathe" — ANIMA!
"All We Do" — Oh Wonder
"Master Pretender" — First Aid Kit
"Time" — Ren
"Wild Ones" — Bahari
"Crazy in Love" (Cover) — Sofia Karlburg
"Golden" — Michelle Chamuel
"Coyotes" — Modest Mouse
"Cigarette Daydreams" — Cage the Elephant
"Hero" — Family of the Year
"Back to Me" — RY
"Make Believe" — Sleepy Tea
 

The Red Tent
Anita Diamant

(pre-order my book, coming soon!)

The Positively Present Guide to Life
Dani DiPirro

 


24 hours without complaining : 5 lessons I learned

Less-Complaining

 

Last week I stumbled across this post (via SwissMiss) in which the author challenges her readers to stop complaining for just one day. I don't consider myself a huge complainer, but I know I do my fair share of whining on a daily basis so I decided to challenge myself not to complain for 24 hours. It seemed easy enough. After all, for a good chunk of that time, I'd be asleep. 

 

It was not nearly as easy as I thought it would be. At all

 

It turns out that I do a lot more complaining than I realized. It wasn't until I started really paying attention to what I was saying, thinking, and typing did I start to see how much negativity I was actually putting out into the world. For the most part, these are tiny things — phrases like, "I'm freezing!" or "Ugh, why isn't it Friday yet?" — but all of those little complaints start to add up. 

Every time you complain, you're putting negative energy into the world — and into your life. And that's something you definitely don't want to be doing if you're striving to live more positively in the present. The more you complain about your life (even if it's simply in your mind), the less space you leave for positive thoughts that celebrate what you should be grateful for. 

As I made it through the 24 hours of attempting to be complaint-free, it became very clear to me that I needed to change some of my thought patterns and habits in order to create a more positive environment for myself. While struggling to avoid my whiny thoughts (I really started to annoy myself!), I thought about how I could tackle the complaints that surfaced in my mind. Here are the five tactics I used when I found myself veering toward a complaint...

 

PAY ATTENTION TO HOW YOU REALLY FEEL

The first complain I noticed myself uttering during this 24-hour challenge was when I walked outside into the cold January morning and immediately thought to myself, "Ugh. I'm freezing!" Yes, it was cold outside, but was I really freezing. Of course not. I was outside for less than five minutes in a warm jacket and boots. When I actually paid attention to how my body felt, I realized I wasn't even that cold. I'm so used to complaining about the cold (I'm not a fan) that I just complain for the sake of complaining. Not cool. As the day went on, I realize that I do a lot of that default complaining. I'm used to thinking I don't like something or I feel a certain way in a situation, but when I really allowed myself to experience it, I realized that more often than not, my complaints weren't based in any reality. They were simply a default setting. Which brings me to my next point... 

 

FOCUS ONLY ON THE PRESENT MOMENT

Another thing I was quickly made aware of when I started giving more attention to my thoughts was the amount of times I complained about something that hadn't happened yet. In my mind, I was dreading the mound of laundry I had to tackle or whining to myself about how I didn't want to deal with that conference call. These things weren't even happening and I was already complaining about them! I soon discovered when I pulled my mind back to the present moment, I had a lot less to complain about. Complaining about something that hasn't happened yet is a ridiculous waste of time and all it does it make whatever that unpleasant thing is take up more of your thoughts (and your life!).  

 

DIRECT YOUR THOUGHTS TO GRATITUDE

One of the easiest ways to counter complaints, I found, was to focus on things you have to be grateful for. Whenever I found myself complaining about something, I tried to think about what I was thankful for that related to that situation. For example, going back to the laundry I didn't want to do: when I thought about how annoying it would be to have to wash and fold my clothes, I countered that complaint with gratitude about how lucky I was to have clothes and a washing machine and an able body that could put the clothes in, take them out, and fold them. Once I started focusing on all of the positives, a simple task like laundry started to seem much more like a blessing than a curse and it became much more difficult to whine about it.

 

REFRAIN FROM USING COMPLAINTS TO BOND

It hadn't really occurred to me before, but over the 24-hour complain-free day, I realized how often I use complaining to bond with others. When I friend text me, "How's your day?" I automatically responded with, "Ugh. So busy!" First of all, I should be grateful to have work that keeps me busy (and thankful for the opportunity to do what I love for a living!) and, secondly, there are a million positive responses I could have had that didn't involve a complaint. However, it's become a default for me to complain to friends about how busy / stressed / etc. I am because we always vent to one another in this way. This isn't to say we shouldn't vent when having a tough day, but complaining shouldn't be a way to bond with others. Bonds should be formed over positive things, not negative. 

 

LEARN TO CHANGE IT OR ACCEPT IT

The most important lesson I learned about complaining is that a lot of the time the things I complain about are things I can change. Too cold while watching TV on the couch? Grab a blanket! Annoyed by an always-negative friend? Stop hanging out with her! A lot of complaints are within my control and I've realized that, if something's bothering me, whining about it is not the answer. If I want less to complain about, I have to take action. And, for those things I can't control, I learned that it's a lot less stressful if I just learn to accept them as they are. Complaining about something you can't change is a huge waste of time and all it does it create unnecessary negativity. So I've realized this: If I can change something, I should. I can change it but don't want to, I should be quiet. And if I can't change it, I should let it go. 

 

Though this challenge was only 24 hours long, it was an eye-opening experience for me. It made me much more mindful of how I think (and what I spend my time thinking about) and it shone a light on the ways I could choose to be more positive. I'd highly recommend giving it a try. The more you're aware of complaining, the more you'll be able to change it (and hopefully eliminate it). The more time you spend complaining, I've learned, the less time you have for other things, like celebrating your awesome life and all the things for which you should be thankful! 

  

 

Finding-Self-Cover

It's a lot harder to complain when you're celebrating who you are. Now is a great time to discover more about yourself and what you want most by downloading a copy of the e-book Finding Yourself: A Soul-Searching Workbook for Surprising Self Discovery. Filled with inspiration, questions, and activities to get you thinking about what it means to be you, Finding Yourself is a must for learning more about who you are and about what matters most to you. Learn more about the workbook here and purchase your very own soul-searching copy here.


positively present picks: january 16, 2015

Snow heartSource

 

image from www.positivelypresent.com

"For things to reveal themselves to us, we need to be
ready to abandon our views about them."

Thick Nhat Hanh

 

image from www.positivelypresent.com

Twenty3 Etsy Shop : added some new items this week!

Turn That Winter Frown Upside Down : get out of a winter funk

Barkley Turned 2! : flashback to this second-a-day video from her 1st year

Buy Experiences, Not Things : apparently it's the key to happiness

Kaplan MD Lip 20 Mask : sooo good for chapped winter lips

5 Ways to Prepare for a Better Day : tips to start off strong 

Excited Rainbows : these instantly brightened my day :)

20 Tiny Changes That Can Completely Overhaul Your Life

The Most Influential Things I Read This Year : thought-provoking!

Step by Step : another great post from The Spiritual Spoon

7 Pieces of Wisdom That Will Change the Way You Work

Wild Sister's Vision Board : and a free poster for your board

3 Reasons Why Doing What You Love Isn't Selfish

Working Smarter, Not Harder : great advice for productivity here

Embrace Simplicity : advice for streamlining your life

 

image from www.positivelypresent.com

Check out this week's
Positively Present playlist on YouTube
 

"Versailles" — Amy Stroup
"Above the Clouds of Pompeii" — Bear's Den
"Everything" — Ben Howard
"Cabin Fever" — Lily & Madeline
"Heartbeat Song" — Kelly Clarkson
"Take Me to Church" (Cover) — Jasmine Thompson
"Life, Oh Life" — #1 Dads
"Little Wild Love" — Gold & Youth
"Next Year" — Two Door Cinema Club
"How Come You Don't Want Me" — Tegan & Sara
"Breathless" — Small Black
 

Show Your Work!:
10 Ways to Share Your Creativity
and Get Discovered

Austin Kleon

The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry
Rachel Joyce

(pre-order my book, coming soon!)

The Positively Present Guide to Life
Dani DiPirro