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positively present picks: february 27, 2015

CloudgirlSource

 

image from www.positivelypresent.com

“I don't pay attention to the world ending. It has ended for me
many times, and began again in the morning."

Nayyirah Waheed
 

image from www.positivelypresent.com

On Fear : such an inspiring post from The Spiritual Spoon

Tiny Buddha Giveaway : win a copy of my book (+ read my interview too!)

My Favorite Book Illustrated by my Favorite Illustrator : YES!

Whole Food Love Interview : really loved replying to these questions

How to Cope When Negative Thoughts Return : don't let 'em get you

Barkley Loves the Snow : she can't get enough of being outside

5 Yoga Poses to Banish Stress : use your body to calm your mind

Gold Legos? : yes, please! every grown-up needs these

True Luxury Life Interview : another great set of questions I loved

30 Thoughts to Keep You Positive : keep up the optimism!

Turning Around Resentment : this is so, so important to do

You Can Do It Planner Pad : instantly soared to the top of my wish list 

Positive Mind Journal : I'm crushing on this notebook big time

Getting Lost in the Doing : this really does work wonders

 

image from www.positivelypresent.com

Check out this week's
Positively Present playlist on YouTube
 

"Grateful" — Rita Ora
"When I Was Your Man" — Madilyn Bailey
"Where the Sky Hangs" — Passion Pit
"Invincible" — Kelly Clarkson
"Hello My Old Heart" — The Oh Hellos
"Nothing Without Love" — Nate Ruess
"Goodbye" — Who Is Fancy
"Wait for Life" — Emile Haynie ft. Lana Del Rey
"Not Far Away" — Oak Tree Suite
"Lost Boy" — Ruth B
"Let Her Go" — Passenger
"Time of Our Lives" — Pitbull ft. Ne-Yo

 

The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry
Rachel Joyce

(pre-order my book, coming March 10!)

The Positively Present Guide to Life
Dani DiPirro

 


how to handle disappointment

Disappointment

 

Lately I've faced quite a few (professional and personal) disappointments, and during these periods of dejection I've come to realize it's really difficult to stay positive and present when you feel disappointed. A lot of emotions challenge positive, present living (sadness, anger, frustration, etc.), but disappointment is one of the most difficult to cope with, at least for me, which is why I find it essential to write about how to handle it. 

The literal definition of disappointment is "the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations," but I don't know if that simple phrasing really captures the way it feels to be let down, to be hurt by something that has changed or that has not lived up to what was expected. It hurts. It feels really rotten to think something is going to happen — and in some cases to have every reason to believe it will happen — and then to be let down. 

But it happens. Disappointment is a part of life and if we don't learn how to cope with it properly, it can cause a lot of extra resentment and hurt, both in our relationships and within ourselves. (Because, let's face it, we all let ourselves down sometimes.) Avoiding disappointment completely isn't an option, but learning how to handle it as positively as possible certainly is. 

I feel like I've become a bit of a disappointment veteran lately, and as a result, I've had to cultivate some skills to make the most of letdowns. Here are some of the tactics I've found to work best when it comes to facing disappointment in your personal or professional life. 

 

LOOK CLOSELY AT EXPECTATIONS

Disappointment rears its ugly little head when your expectations being met. It might sound like good advice to suggest lowering or letting go of expectations, but expectation is a complex concept. On one hand, it's important to have expectations — both as something to look forward to and as a way to receive respect and appreciation. But on the other hand, the wrong expectations (or those that are unrealistic) can lead to unnecessary disappointment. The trick, then, isn't to let go of expectations, but to look closely at them. Earlier this month, I wrote about loving without expectation, which is a great place to start if you need to examine your expectations. Most importantly, it's useful to look at why you're expecting what you are and whether or not those expectations are really essential to your happiness. If you find they're not, it's a good idea to try to let go of them. If you determine that your expectations are reasonable and valid, proceed on to the next tip. 

 

ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FEELINGS

Okay, so you've determined that your expectations are completely necessary and vital to your happiness, but that doesn't exactly solve anything, does it? This tip won't necessarily solve the problem either, but it'll certainly help: acknowledge how you feel. This might sound basic, but we're all so busy with our lives that we often don't stop to really think about how we feel. How does this disappointment make you feel? (I know it sounds like a cliche therapy question, but it's a good one!) Do you feel sad? Angry? Frustrated? Do you feel powerless? Wounded? Left out? Depending on the disappointment (personal or professional, big or small), the way you feel may be different. Digging deeper to uncover how you really feel can be super helpful when it comes to coping positively with the dejection or hurt you might be experiencing. Acknowledging your feelings is the first step to healing them, but you can't acknowledge them if you don't know what they are! When you feel that pang of disappointment, take a deep breath, pause, and look closely at what you're really feeling. 

 

KEEP THE FEELINGS IN PERSPECTIVE

You are entitled to feel exactly how you feel as a result of being disappointed. There is no right or wrong way to experience the pain of being let down by someone or something. You're allowed to feel sad or angry or heartbroken. BUT. It's important to keep these feelings in perspective. The emotions are real, but they don't need to consume your reality. Yes, you feel hurt, but consider the situation from a big-picture point of view. Is this disappointment something that happens all the time? (For example, did your boyfriend let you down this weekend, but there was a good reason and he's always there for you, or is this just another example you can add to the long list of ways he's let you down?) If the disappointment is a repeat offender, it might be time to get rid of the person or get out of the situation. If it's a one-time deal, it might be time to forgive and move forward. Also, it's important to ask yourself the question: Will this matter a month from now? A year? Five years? If you think about it that way, you might find that, much as the disappointment hurts, the pain won't last forever, and just knowing that can really help. 

 

EXPRESS TO OTHERS HOW YOU FEEL

When it comes to speaking my mind about disappointment, I'm really good at doing this professionally and really bad at doing it personally. No professional disappointment will slip by undiscussed, but I have a difficult time speaking up when it comes to personal disappointment (especially in the romantic realm). This is perhaps because the personal stuff is more difficult to discuss and is more likely to ruffle feathers than work-related confrontations. But do as I say, not as I do. Talk it out. I'm not talking about having a screaming match, venting all of your anger and frustration at the one who's let you down (though that does sound very tempting...). I'm talking about having a calm, reasonable chat about how and why you felt let down so that the other person (or persons) knows how you feel. Your disappointment might be very obvious to you, but others may have no idea. And how are they supposed to avoid disappointing you in the future if they don't even know they've let you down? 

 

ADJUST YOUR THOUGHTS + BEHAVIORS

After you've assessed your emotions and discussed your disappointment, it's time to look at how you might want to adjust your thoughts and behaviors in the future. This is one of the hardest tips because it's not always easy to change the way you think or behave when it comes to certain people and situations. But if you want to have some control over avoiding future disappointment, it's important to adjust your thoughts and actions where necessary. You might need to tweak your expectations. Or, if your expectations are perfectly necessary and reasonable, you might need to tweak how you think of someone else (maybe, for example, you might not want to think of your flighty friend as your go-to lunch partner if she's always canceling lunch dates) or you might need to change your own behavior (for example, cancel your contract with a vender that never follows through). You can't control people or situations, but you can control the people you interact with and the situations you put yourself in. 

 

TRY TO LEARN SOMETHING FROM IT

As with all not-so-great experiences, I've been really trying to learn from the disappointment I've experienced recently. It's sometimes difficult to see the silver lining when things aren't going well (like when the publication date of my book got pushed back not one but three times!), but I really do believe that there is a reason for every disappointment and setback. As Thoreau so wisely put it in the image above, "If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." It might take some time for the disappointing situation to make sense, and that's okay. Just try to be open to the idea that something good will come out of the bad because, in my experience, it usually does (even if it takes awhile to show itself). At the very least, facing disappointment can make you a stronger person who is honing his or her skills at looking for the positive in even the most difficult of situations — and that really is one of the best lessons you'll ever learn. 

 

PPG-Preorder

 
Less than a month until my new book, The Positively Present Guide to Life, debuts and I'm SO excited! The book is all about how to stay positive and present in various areas of life including: at home, at work, in love, in relationships, and during change. I've turned back to it often this year as I've gone through major changes and it's been tremendously helpful. The book is filled with inspiring images that make it even easier to stay positive and present. You can learn more about the book and find out where to buy a copy here. (You can also get a sneak peek at the book, access a free download, and watch the book trailer!)


positively present picks: february 20, 2015

Positive thoughtSource

 

image from www.positivelypresent.com

“Sensitivity is a sign of life. Better hurt than hardened.
I bow to those who keep their hearts open when it is most difficult,
those who refuse to keep their armor on any longer than they have to,
those who recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability.”

Jeff Brown
 

image from www.positivelypresent.com

How to Make Someone's Day : and why you should!

Be Selfish and Selfless : these concepts made me think

Postcards for Ants : I'm o-b-s-e-s-s-e-d with Lorraine Loots

39 Life Lessons from 30 Rock : currently my favorite show

Pygmy Hippo Shoppe : I'm lovin' the fun stuff sold here

10 Ways to Be Kind to Yourself : give yourself some love today

Hand-Lettering Tips : a great little resource if you're into this

Beautiful Toni Morrison Quotes : in honor of her birthday this week

Random Acts of Kindness : some really great ideas here!

29 Quotes to Inspire You : 'cause we all need some inspiration

6 Compelling Reasons to Spend Time Alone : it's ok to go solo

Handwritten Desk Card : I'd love this for my workspace

Rainbow Pencils : um, yes please! love these!

 

image from www.positivelypresent.com

Check out this week's
Positively Present playlist on YouTube
 

"Style" — Taylor Swift
"Never Let Me Go" — Florence + the Machine
"Medicine" — Sunset Sons
"Pray to Go" — Calvin Harris ft. HAIM
"Chasing Cars" — Jasmine Thompson
"Zero in the City" — Great Lake Swimmers
"Pillar of Salt" — I Am Love
"Ungrowing" — Len Sander
"Upswing" — Prinze George
"Open Season" — Josef Salvat
"Raincoat Song" — Meiko
"You've Got Time" — The Wind and the Wave

 

The Lake of Dead Languages
Carol Goodman

(pre-order my book, coming soon!)

The Positively Present Guide to Life
Dani DiPirro