positively present

finding light in the darkness

 (♥)
 

 "At the darkest moment comes the light."

 Joseph Campbell 

For the second time in 2010, this week the people of the Washington, DC-area have had to cope with some major power outages. This time we're not battling the snow and ice, piling on layers and layers of clothes to stay warm; this time we're sweating it out, learning how to cope with extremely high temperatures and no air conditioning. I'll admit, it's been pretty unpleasant, but I'm taking this as another great lesson from Mother Nature, teaching us who have so many comforts in our lives to be grateful. There are so many things I constantly find myself taking for granted. Things like lights and air conditioning and a solid internet connection. And television. God, I never like to think of myself as a TV watcher (I'm much more of a book-reader, I swear), but life without the sound of the television and some of those beloved characters can be pretty rough.

When I'm sitting in my oven-hot apartment and I start to think about the lack of power (and the uncertainty of when it will come back on again), my mind bubbles with annoyance and irritation. I ask questions that I want answers to: When will the power be back on? Why must it be so hot? How can I possibly survive an entire evening without my computer? And what am I to do with myself when the sun sets? Without lights and television, what can I possibly do to entertain myself? My mind is racing and I find negativity creeping in stealthily from every corner. I remind myself of the blackout that took place during the cold, bleak month of February and I force myself to see the reasons why this blackout is better. And yet... frustration overrides all rationalization and I find myself slumped on the floor, back against the couch, complaining about the heat and the lack of constant mental stimulation. I'm bored. I'm hot. I'm irritable.

After finding ways to pass the time that first night (thank god for my iPad, episodes of Modern Family, warm enough weather to walk Bella and witness a beautiful sunset I probably otherwise would have missed, and a boyfriend who's willing to unfold the Scrabble board and pass the time crafting words and tallying points with me), and making it through that first fitful night of sleep without air conditioning, without a fan, and with the consistent panting coming from the overheated dog, I woke to a new day -- a day without power, but a new day nonetheless. And, without warning, I felt an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. Sure, I was drenched in sweat and had no idea how I was going to ready myself for the day in my pitch black bathroom, but I was happy. I realized just how lucky I was to actually have all of these electricity-drive amenities. Even though I might not have had them at the moment, I was incredibly thankful to know that, generally speaking, I have all of the conveniences a privileged life has to offer... I am grateful to have these things, even now, when they are starting to seem like a distant and wonderful dream.
 

. . . I am grateful to have lights that allow me to enjoy my time and post-work activities long after the sun has set.

. . . I am grateful to have air conditioning, which allows me to stay cool in the summer and warm in the winter.

. . . I am grateful to have traffic lights, the green-yellow-red that makes driving so much easier than I realized.

. . . I am grateful to have refrigeration, an amazing concept that keeps my food and drinks cold (and safe!).

. . . I am grateful to have a television, which may seem silly to some but provides me with endless entertainment.

. . . I am grateful to have the internet, a force that has changed and enhanced my life in so many ways.

. . . I am grateful to have outlets, little homes for my chargers and appliances to store energy so that I may use them.

. . . I am grateful to have a dishwasher to keep my dishes clean with minimal effort on my part.

. . . I am grateful to have an oven and stove to (hope someone else will) heat and bake my favorite foods.

. . . I am grateful to have a fan, which cools my bedroom and erases external noises so that I might sleep soundly.

. . . I am grateful to have the freedom that comes with being able to plug something in and have it come to life.

Truth be told, it really sucks not having power. It's uncomfortable and unfamilar and nearly everything requires extra thought and preparation. However, it's actually been good for me to experience being without power a few times this year because it's really brought into focus how easily I take advantage of the "givens" around me. I assume, as so many do, that it's a given to have lights and food and water and a safe place to lay my head. But it's not. It's a privlege, not a right, to have these things. Spending so much time with my lights and TV and internet on, I often forget just how lucky I am to have all of these things. This week, the loss of power has brought me back to that point where I can see the benefits of electricity through new eyes and realize how incredibly grateful I ought to be for the things I so often use and think little of. Though I wasn't entirely ungrateful before (after all, the trauma of the blizzard-related outage is only a few months in my past), this week I've learned to really take a good look at the things I have in my life and learn to truly appreciate them. The power outage really made me realize that, no how negative a situation seems, something positive can be taken away from it. This week has served as great reminder that no matter what kind of darkness comes along, there is always an opportunity to find the light. 
 

What aspects of your life are you finding the light in? 
How do you cultivate gratitude in times of darkness? 
 

5 steps for recovering from a bad decision

  "The doors we open and close each day
decide the lives we live." 

Flora Whittemore

   

Sometimes we find ourselves faced with difficult choices. We can be staring at two options and almost literally feel torn between which one to choose. We might know what the right choice is, but we might still have the desire to make the wrong one. Life is filled with moments in which you feel as if you are standing in a fork in the road, looking down two potential paths, and wondering which way you should go. Sometimes we find ourselves lost, uncertain of which path will lead us home. Other times we know which path will lead us further away and, yet, we might be so curious that we want to take that path. The wonderful thing about life is that we often have the option to travel down many different paths. However, that ability to make choices can also be one of the most terrifying things about life. 

In a life filled with choice after choice after choice, we're bound to make a few mistakes. Life can sometimes feel like a big game of trial and error, and often you don't have any idea what the best choice might be. But, at times,you've probably been in situations where you knew the right choice but chose the wrong one. And these situations, my friends, are some of the worst situations to overcome. It's a terrible feeling to make the wrong choice, but it's an even worse feeling to make the wrong choice when you knew the whole time that it was wrong. Coping with the aftermath of a bad decision with the knowledge that you knew from the get-go you were making the wrong choice is one of the hardest things to deal with. 

Having (unfortunately) had some experience with this myself, I've come up with some ways to deal with the effects of having made a decision you knew was wrong. It's not easy to make mistakes and it's certainly harder to make mistakes when you knew the whole time that you were making them, but, by focusing on the present and on being positive, it's possible to overcome, well, pretty much anything. 

5 Steps for Recovering from a Bad Decision

1. Take full responsibility. The first step you must take when having made a poor choice is recognize the part you played in a situation. It does no good at all to make excuses or rationalize or pretend that, for whatever reason, you aren't to blame. If you want to move forward from wherever you've found yourself, you have to take responsibility for your choices and actions. 

2. Understand your choices. Next, it's essential that you understand why you made the decision you made. Keep in mind that this is not a time to think of excuses for why it happened; this is a time to understand why it happened so you can avoid making similar decisions in the future. Really take some time to think about why you did what you did so you can begin to move on. 

3. Apologize and explain. If your decision hurt anyone else, the best thing you can do is apologize and explain. Don't offer excuses or try to play down the situation in any way. Be honest and open with those you have hurt and explain to them what you realized from Step 2. Once you've done that, it's also important to apologize to yourself and do what you can to come to terms with your decision. 

4. Focus on the present. When you've made a bad decision, it can be tempting to dwell on that but, believe me, that's a waste of time. The most productive thing you can do to move forward from your choice is to focus on what's happening now. Cut yourself some slack and begin to focus on the positive things you're currently doing instead of the negative things you have done. 

5. Be proactive in the future. The best thing you can do for yourself when you find that you've knowingly made a bad decision is to find ways to be proactive after the fact. Ask yourself what can be fixed or changed now. And then think about what you can do in the future to make sure you don't find yourself making similar decisions. Don't downplay the importance of taking future action. 

When you find yourself in a situation in which you've made a bad decision and there is no one to blame but you, it can be tempting to feel down on yourself and to start thinking negatively, but DON'T! No matter what you've done or what choices you've made, there is always hope for the present moment. The past, unfortunate as it might be sometimes, is gone. The only thing you can do at this point in time is move forward with a positive attitude and a focus on the now. That's not to say that things that happened in the past aren't important; they are. But you must realize that the only moment that is real is the moment that is right now -- and it's up to you to start making choices that will leave you feeling positive and happy to be living in every moment of your life. 

How do you cope internally with making bad decisions? 
What is the best way to handle the effects of a bad decision? 

  

Photo Credit: (♥)

how to let go of the past & thrive in the present

 (♥)
 

  

While I'm recovering from my little sister's big wedding, I'm featuring a guest post on the site today. Today's guest post was written by Sui Solitaire, a writer and photographer who writes at cynosure about happy, healthy living, especially loving yourself, body image, food and eating, loving others, & loving our planet. Her post about letting go of the past is really a great reminder of why living in the present is so important.
 

Once upon a time, I was a constantly dripping puddle of regret. I regretted almost everything: allowing myself to be in compromising situations where I was hurt badly, be in relationships with people who took advantage of me, where I went to school, where I didn't go to school... it was as if I were always paralyzed with thinking about how the past could have been different, "if only". Slowly, though, I learned to let go of each and every one of my regrets, and even came to realize that without all those terrible experiences, I wouldn't have been able to become a stronger person. Moving on from the past and your regrets can seem difficult, but that's a belief in itself, and remember, the only person in charge of your beliefs and thoughts is you. With a little bit of self-love, gentle awareness, and patience, you can learn to let go of your regrets and thrive in the present!

  

• Be patient with yourself. Allow yourself to grieve, to feel how you truly feel about it. Without grieving first, you won't be able to make space in your heart for healing. Feel all the emotions you need to feel for as long as you need to, and you'll be able to let go of those emotions because they've run their course. Don't get stuck in a cycle of feeling sorry for yourself, though. Pitying yourself won't help you get over it and will do nothing for you except continue your misery.
  
  

• Choose to stop focusing on the past. You are in command of what you regret and what you hold on to, and by first making the conscious choice to start letting go you can be confident in yourself that you will be able to move on. Feel yourself in the present, your surroundings. Look at the date and time-- it is far and away from whatever it was in the past that caused you grief, simply because it is no longer a part of right now.
  
  

• Think about how you can change the outcome of whatever happened in the present. Could you apologize to someone or do something else right now to change the situation or move on from this? Or if it's a situation that can't be affected at this point, remember that you can't change the outcome. What you can do, however, is choose what you will do next time if a similar situation happens again, or what you do now.
  
  

• Be thankful for everything in the past. Yes, I'm telling you to feel gratitude for anything you regret or think was terrible in your past. Whatever happened is not to be regretted, but instead to be a lesson. If you keep on dwelling on the negative aspects of it, you might miss out on a wonderful opportunity to grow. Think about how you can learn from this or how it's made you into a more resilient and capable person. When you realize that it might have actually just been a challenge to help you become a more resilient and awesome person, you can set yourself free.
  
  

• Remind yourself that you're in the present and that the past literally doesn't exist anymore. The past can't affect you in any way... unless you let it. Don't let it. You have control over what you let affects you; forbid it from affecting you anymore. Imagine it's a person; tell it how you feel, honestly. Tell your past that you are going to stop letting it make you feel a certain way. You are strong.
  
  

• Stop thinking about it. First be aware of your thoughts and let them come and go freely, and be conscious of when you're thinking of the past. Don't try to suppress them when they first arise seemingly naturally, but by being aware of them you can be aware of your choice to create those thoughts. You are in control of your own mind. Make the choice to think of the past less and less often.
  
  

• Take a deep breath, and as you exhale, feel yourself exhaling the negative feelings. Breathe in life and the present, breathe out what no longer exists (the past). Do this several times. Try to imagine your regret as something you're holding in your hand (or heart), and slowly, gently, let it go. This may take a few tries, or you might have to do it every time your mind thinks of it again, but you'll feel better a little more each time you do.

Sui Solitaire is a lover, writer, and photographer who writes at cynosure about happy, healthy living, especially loving yourself, body image, food and eating, loving others, & loving our planet (with a mix of photography and her own story too!). Her book, Pleiades, an anthology of her best poetry & prose from the last decade, is coming your way this summer. You can read more articles or get them by RSS, follow her on Twitter @rvxn or Facebook, and check out her photography.

the shadow effect: how to illuminate your hidden self

  

“The shadows are as important as the light.”

Charlotte Bronte

When I was recently sent a copy of The Shadow Effect: Illuminating the Hidden Power of Your True Self, I couldn't wait to dive into the book. After all, who doesn't want to illuminate the hidden power of one's true self? And, c'mon, who wouldn't be curious about what "the shadow effect" is? It sounds so wonderfully ominous. Once I delved into the book, I learned that the shadow is our dark side, the part of ourselves we want to run from or ignore. But, as many of you may already know, running from the side of yourself that causes you pain or suffering only brings about more pain and suffering. The Shadow Effect deals with what it means to have a shadowed self and how we can use that shadow to make the most of what we have the potential to be. 

According to the The Shadow Effect: Illuminating the Hidden Power of Your True Self, "it is only by embracing our duality [of good and bad] that we free ourselves of the behaviors that can potentially bring us down. If we don't acknowledge all of who we are, we are guaranteed to be blindsided by the shadow effect." The book offers up the idea that, if we fully embrace who we are, we'll find that what's inside of us -- both good and bad -- can actually impact our lives positively. This underlying idea permeates the book, but it is brought to readers through three unique perspectives from Deepak Chopra, Debbie Ford, and Marianne Williamson. The book promises that "after reading this book you will never think of your shadow self in the same way again." And, I have to say, the book kept its promise. 

You might think you don't have a shadow self, a darker side of you, and that you don't need to read a book like this one. But you're wrong. We all have shadows -- things that hurt us, cause us pain, and lead us to be afraid -- and if you take time to understand what it means to have this darker side and to comprehend how you can use both the positive and negative within you, you'll be able to experience a completely different view of your world. As I read in the introduction to the book, "The shadow is not a problem to be solved or an enemy to be conquered but a fertile field to be cultivated. When we dig our hand into its rich soil, we will discover the potent seeds of the people we most desire to be." 

Now I'm going to go through the book and its three parts a little bit so you can have an idea of what you can learn if you pick up your own copy. The book is divided into three parts: "The Shadow" (Deepak Chopra), "Making Peace with Ourselves, Others, and the World," (Debbie Ford), and "Only Light Can Cast Out Darkness" (Marianne Williamson). 

The Shadow

The book begins with Deepak Chopra's discussion of the concept of the shadow. Chopra writes, "In the fog of illusion [aka, the shadow], we don't even see our worst impulses as self-destructive. They're irresistible, even fun...The shadow exerts its power by making the darkness seem like the light." These lines had me hooked and thinking back to the days when I used to view the world through a negative lens. The shadow of negative thinking can be a strong force and it can take over our mind in such a way that it seems like it's fun. (Just think of so many self-destructive behaviors that actually seem like fun!) Admittedly, I'd been a bit doubtful when I'd opened the book. I was curious about the shadow effect, but I wasn't sure how it could really be applied to me. Reading Chopra's words led me to believe that there really is a shadow within all of us and it's something we must truly understand to move forward positively with our lives. 

Chopra notes that one way the shadow takes shape within us is in the form of projecting, which happens when we feel like we're not good enough so we look around to see what's not good enough in others. Projecting our own insecurities on others results in states such as superiority, injustice, arrogance, defensiveness, blame, jealousy, etc. It is one of the key ways the shadow within us dominates us. What I found most interesting about Chopra's insights on projecting was this: Chopra notes that one of the easiest ways to determine if you're projecting on others is to look for negativity. He writes, "...projection is never neutral. It manifests as negative energy because what it's disguising is negative." When you are experiencing negative emotions towards others, you are most likely projecting your own negativity onto them. Now, I know this is no brand new revelation, but every time I read about this concept, I'm reminded to be more conscious of my feelings towards others. 

In his section, Chopra asks one of the best and most basic questions relating to one's shadow self: "Why is it so hard to let go of negative emotions?" I don't want to give it all away (since you should really check out the whole book for yourself), but Chopra unveils why it can be so difficult to let go of negative emotions -- and how to start actually letting go of them. One of the ones to do this, according to Chopra, is to rebuild you emotional body, a concept I found fascinating and a section I would definitely recommend to anyone looking to rid their lives of negativity. The concept of the emotional body is an intriguing one, especially as it relates to the physical body. Chopra writes, "Every time you feel a negative emotion, your emotional body is expressing discomfort, soreness, fatigue, or pain," and Chopra notes that we should not ignore those feelings of discomfort or pain. 

Chopra, in this section, also provides some wonderful insights on how to let go of negativity and one of the best take-aways from this segment (and the book!) was this line: "You get the emotions you think you deserve." It sounds unfair or maybe even cliche, but it is so true that, if you focus on certain emotions, you will experience those emotions. You must be aware of what you are feeling and learn how to deal with both the positive and negative forces within you. 

Making Peace with Ourselves, Others, and the World

Debbie Ford discusses how we can make peace with ourselves, others, and the world by understanding and addressing our shadows. She writes, "The great Swiss psychologist C.G. Jung tells us that our shadow is the person we would rather not be," and adds, "our shadow is everything annoys, horrifies, or disgusts us about other people or about ourselves... our shadow is all that we try to hide from those we love and all that we don't want other people to find out about us." You may be reading this and thinking, "I don't have anything to hide! I don't have a dark, shadowy self that I hide from my loved ones!" But is that true? Really? Truly? Deep down, are there parts of you that you would rather no one else see? I believe, as Ford does, that all of us have a shadow self within us and, often, we do not deal with these shadowed versions of who we are, but, instead, we choose to repress them. 

Ford writes, "It is our dark side, the repressed and disowned aspects of our personality, that cuts us off our true self...whatever we have hidden away in shame or denied out of fear holds the key to unlock a self that we feel proud of... This is why we must explore our shadow." If we want to know our true selves, we really do have to explore our darker sides. And I could relate to Ford when she wrote, "It is not my light that has led me to wisdom...but my battle with my dark side... It is the very darkness that I spent the first part of my life running away from that is now my passion." It is difficult, as Ford discusses in the book, to come to terms with your dark side, the side of you that you would love to run away from. But the journey of discovering and coming to terms with your shadow "will lead you to find your most authentic self--a place where you feel at home with who you are, where you recognize your weaknesses and your strengths, where you can bask in your gifts, admit to your imperfections, and admire your greatness." Examining your shadow self, as Ford notes in her section, really is essential to living the most positive life possible. 

One of my very favorite passages in the book is featured in Ford's section of the book. From reading this passage alone I learned so much about what it means to have a shadow self and how understanding it is so very important. Ford writes: "The I Ching tells us, 'It is only when we have the courage to face things exactly as they are, without any self-deception or illusion, that light will develop out of events, by which they path to success may be recognized.' Only in the presence of an unwavering commitment to facing our demons does the doorway to self-discovery open... To understand our shadow completely takes a willingness to let go of what we think we know." These words are so true and, in the book, you'll find some really great passages and insights on how to understand your shadow self. 

Ford reminds readers of a concept in literature that often applies to real life: "heroes are only as strong as their villains." Our shadows are often repressed in the stories of our lives, but Ford tells us, "if we allow our shadow characters to serve as integrated parts of our whole self -- as colorful, powerful forces for the good -- they will lead us to richer experiences..." As you may know from experience (or perhaps simply from watching some good action films), you cannot fight darkness with darkness and expect to win. (Take it from me -- I've tried this route and I can guarantee you it does not work.) Ford writes, "we can't fight darkness with darkness. We have to find compassion and embraces the darkness inside us in order to understand it and, ultimately, to transcend it." 

Only Light Can Cast Out Darkness 

"We live in a world of constant juxtaposition between joy that's possible and pain that's all too common...We know there is good in the world, but we know there is something else as well," Marianne Williamson writes in this section of the book. Her section focuses a great deal on love and how it is up to us to take what love we have and to expand it not only to those around us, but to the world. She focuses not so much on understanding the shadow that covers some of our selves, but on ridding our lives (and the lives of others) of the shadow. 

One of my favorite lines in Williamson's section is this: The shadow, "like all darkness, is not an actual presence, but is rather the absence of light." According to this way of thinking, the shadow is not the presence of something bad within each of us, but the absence of something good. Personally, I think this is a very interesting way to think about the shadow and its effect on our lives and it was lines like this that left me pulling away from the book and staring out into space, my mind filled with these though-provoking words. 

Williamson also provided more thought-provoking concepts with passages like this one. She writes,"What makes us forget who we are, thus turning off the light and splitting the world into two separate states--love and fear? It is one thought: that someone is guilty. How we deal with human imperfection is the essential question that decides whether we dwell in the shadow or in the light." After reading this, I thought to myself how true it is. Underlying nearly everything we do is the concept of human imperfection and how we deal with that concept really is dependent on whether or not we will choose lightness or darkness. 

Williamson chooses, unlike her author counterparts, to focus more on the concept of overpowering the shadow (with love) rather than understanding the shadow. She notes, "We need to expand our sense of love beyond the personal, to its social and political implications as well. Only in doing so will we cast out the darkness that now hangs like a specter above the world. Living in the darkness, we are living in the shadow. And in the shadow, suffering reigns." She encourages readers to look past the shadow and the darkness and see what love lies there. There is, she believes, an infinite amount of love that can transcend the darkness of the shadow and all of the suffering that comes with it. She writes, "Any thought not filled with love is an invitation for the shadow to enter. We are led to believe in the myth of neutrality: that we don't really need to love as long as we don't actively do harm. But every though either heals or harms." 

Williamson advises, ""In order to avoid the clutches of the shadow, we must constantly reach for the light," and, in a particularly thought-provoking comment, she adds, ""To shadow, the light is an enemy. But to the light, the shadow is nothing. It simply does not exist." When you think about that, the concept of shadow/light is completely intriguing. To the shadow, light is the enemy, but to the light, the shadow is nothing. We therefore, as Williamson encourages, must focus on the light in order to overcome the darkness of the shadow. In the light, the shadow will be nothing. 

As you can see from the passages above, there are many ways of looking at the concept of the shadow, and, to be perfectly honest, reading the book is one of the best ways to fully understand some of the concepts surrounding the shadow and how one can comprehend and overcome the shadow within one's self. If you've ever experienced negativity or pain or hurt or loss, this book is for you. It really provides such great insight into how we can make the most of our lives by understanding the darker sides of ourselves. Yes, I know this sounds unpleasant, but, truly, it's not. It's one of the best ways, in fact, to live a positive life. Toward the end of her section, Williamson writes a few lines about shadows that made me realize how relevant this book is for everyone. She writes, "Every person and every group of people has a shadow; that does not make us bad. It makes us human. The point is not to hate the shadow, for it is simply our wounded places that need to be healed." No matter who you are, you have a shadow. Which means, no matter who you are, you can benefit a great deal from reading this book and uncovering what your shadow effects your self and how you can use your shadow to make the most of the negative and positive forces within you. 

To learn more about The Shadow Effect book (and movie!), visit TheShadowEffect.com. 
To learn more about this book tour and see others' reviews of the book, visit TLC Book Tours. 
To check out the movie trailer for The Shadow Effect, visit YouTube. 
To purchase the book online, visit Amazon or Barnes & Noble. 

beautiful afternoons & overcast mornings: a lesson on acceptance

 

 (♥)
 
 

Last Friday the day I woke to was a cloudy one. It was that hazy in-between sort of cloudy -- not dark enough for rain and craving a day of reading and snuggling, yet not light enough to have hope that the sun would come out by the afternoon. It was dismal. Bland. Unexciting and, from the looks of it, unrelenting. While I didn't want to hop directly back into my bed as I do on rainy days, I did have the desire to avoid looking at the sky and its infinite promise of gray. Driving to work, I felt glum. I couldn't shake the feeling with the sky surrounding me, the colors of everything dulled by the overcast sky.

I thought back to the day before -- in fact, less than twelve hours before -- when I had been driving home from work. The sky had been filled with those amazing can-you-believe-they're-real fluffy white clouds. The kind you'd swear you could bounce on if you could only get close enough to them. They were exploding and billowing across a vibrant blue sky and at every traffic light I would whip out my phone and try to take a picture, knowing full well I'd never be able to capture their beauty accurately with my Blackberry's camera. Still, I couldn't help but want to store those fluffs of white in my phone, to carry them with me everywhere. 

That afternoon I had already heard the forecast and I knew the next day would be gloomy, filled with frown-inducing phrases like "overcast" and "thunderstorm" and "take an umbrella." I knew I would wake and be disappointed with the sky, which I believed should be reflecting the sunshine and carefree attitude of a day privileged to be leading a three-day weekend. It has always irked me when the weather doesn't reflect my current life circumstances (which, yes, is a nod to anyone out there who has ever used the term "self-centered" to describe me...), but over the years I've come to accept the fact that the weather won't always suite my mood. Knowing that the next day I would be thrilled for the weekend and knowing the Friday weather would be a letdown, I felt even more compelled to capture the Thursday evening clouds with my camera.

As I was driving along, phone in hand, ready for the next red light and chance to snap an image, I realized the clouds I was so overjoyed to see -- those blindingly white puffs of smoke-like wonder -- were the very same things I would be dreading the next day. Clouds, it seems, have a power effect on me, both negative and positive. You see, I love nothing more than the sight of white against blue, a cloud coasting across the sky on a sunny day, but I have no patience for the clutter of clouds that crowd the sky on an overcast day. They are of the same make (whatever it is that makes clouds...) and yet they could not be more different in my mind. 

How many things can be like that? So positive and amazing if looked at in one circumstance and so negative and depressing if looked at in a different light? Could it be that, given enough thought and time, everything is like that? Everything we experience has the potential to be like the clouds I saw last Thursday and Friday? If pasted sporadically on a bright blue sky, clouds can seem like miracles, inspiring awe and wonder in a girl like me. However, if grouped together so closely that all of their shoulders are touching, leaving no room for even a glimpse of blue, clouds can be ominous and smothering, causing me to feel as if they might someday float so low that they will cover us all with their gloominess. There can be both good and bad when it comes to clouds, and I believe that's the case with most things. So many things can be negative or positive if looked at in a certain light -- and it can be hard to remember the flip side when caught in a particular moment -- especially a moment of the extremely good or extremely bad variety.

For example, it was difficult for me to really comprehend, on Thursday evening, how I would feel when those fluffy white clouds I was so fond of would turn grey and menacing on Friday. I knew, deep down, I would view them differently, but I couldn't really recall exactly how it would feel (though I'd experienced the doom of a gray day many, many times before). Likewise, when I drove into work Friday morning beneath a cloud-cluttered sky, it was hard to recall the sky from the previous evening and how much I had revered the clouds that hung there so perfectly, suspended above me in a way that seemed nothing short of magical. Often, when we are at one end of the spectrum, it's hard to remember the other end. Positive and negative seem so far from one another yet, in so many ways, they can be derived from the very same things.

Think, for a moment, about your bed. How many wonderful times have you had there? How many nights have you laughed and kissed and loved? And then think of those less-than-stellar moments spent in your bed. How many times have you wished you were anywhere but there? How many nights have you cried or felt lonely or tossed and turned with worry? Your bed -- the place you spend hours and hours in every day -- can be both a haven and a hell. It can be the place you long for and the place you long to get away from. Many places, experiences, and, perhaps, even people, can be that way. They can be the most amazing and the most heart-breaking. Though I don't have any of my own, I would imagine children are that way. People claim they are the best thing to happen to them, yet they can hurt their parents so deeply at times. They are the best and the worst, I would imagine. 

At this point (if you're still reading!), you're probably wondering, "Where is she going with all of this talk of clouds and beds and children?" Well, in essence, what I'm discovering for myself (and sharing the play-by-play here with you) is that the negative and the positive aspects of life are not as disconnected as one might think. In fact, most things that are immensely positive can also be incredibly negative. (As you read about in the example with the clouds). We often tend to believe that negative and positive are opposites, separate from another and, in an abstract way, enemies of one another. But, in reality, negative and positive elements are woven into almost everything. People, places, things, ideas -- they all have good and bad, layers of positive and negative. Some may have more of one than the other, but, when it comes to the terms "good" and "bad," those words are objective and what one might see as the worst thing another might see as the best. 

Therefore, we cannot be certain that what we are seeing as positive or negative is necessarily so -- or, maybe more importantly, that it will always be that way. When I drove home last Thursday and saw those brilliantly displayed clouds arranged so perfectly on the sky, it was hard for me to imagine me having anything but complete and utter love for clouds. However, I knew deep down that it was much more complex than that. Clouds can be beautiful, yes, but they can also be devastating. (Dramatic? Yes. True? I really think so.) The more I think about it, the more I realize that so much of life can be that way. All of its elements have the ability to be both amazing and awful. So what's a girl like me, who is striving so hard to focus on the positive in life, to do? Do I focus only on the things that are positive (when they are positive) or do I recognize the complexities of positive and negative in everything and accept things for what they are, when they are that way? 

Personally, I don't see living a positive life as only focusing on the things that are positive. You've heard it all before, but it's really true that there can be no light without dark. If I was unaware of the potential for dark, gray skies, I would never have taken so much delight in seeing those beautiful clouds littering the sky last Thursday night. Without knowing about the negative, I could never fully enjoy the positive. To know what it is like to live a negative-focused life, I now feel like I have the perspective to really appreciate those things that are positive. I've learned that living a positive life doesn't mean ignoring the negative (though, admittedly, I won't always be happy when I have to deal with negative aspects). Instead, it means recognizing both the good and the bad in everything and understanding that most elements of life are not one dimensional -- and that's what makes them so awesome. 

Know this: we are destined to see both the negative and the positive and, while it is certainly nice to focus on the positive, it does no good to ignore the negative. If you take away one thing from this post, let it be this: In everything, there is both light and dark and, to live a truly positive life, you must recognize and accept both the beautiful afternoons in which white clouds float lazily against a blue sky and the overcast mornings in which gray clouds hunch low from the heavy weight of the sky. 

learn to hold on to the past (without losing the present)

 (♥)

Have you ever had one of those days that felt so absolutely perfect that you wanted it to last forever? I know I have and, even as I'm trying to live my life in the present moment, it can be hard to stay focused when I know that, at some point, the perfect moment will be over. For me, thinking about the end of a perfect moment is one of those things that can drag me down when I'm in the moment, making it pretty to be present -- or positive. We all know that those breathtakingly perfect moments can't last, but there are ways we can hold on to them so that they are not lost forever, while still managing to live a very present life. 

In holding onto moments and memories, it's essential not to get bogged down in the idea that they are more valuable than what you are experiencing right now. Remember: the only time you really, truly have is now so it's pretty pointless to waste time dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. That being said, I do think it's important to keep some particularly special moments with us, even as we live our lives in the present. There has to be, as with most things, a balance between remembering the wonderful experiences we've had and remembering to enjoy the life we're living right now. 

How can we strike a balance between living in the now and remember the good times? I've given this one some thought and come up with a few suggestions that should work for anyone -- no matter what your past or your present situations are. As you read these suggestions, keep in mind that the way to live your most positive life is to stay focused on the present -- but that doesn't mean we can't make a little room for the good things in our pasts. 

How To Hold On To The Past (Without Losing Your Present)

• Save your most treasured memories in a special place. One of the best ways to help you feel as if you're not losing a special moment is to save a memento from it and keep it in a safe place where you can go back and look at it again. Or, take pictures of the moments that mean the most to you and hang them where you can see them all the time. 

• Look for the good you remember in the moments you're living. A lot of the time we can find some of that good from our memories in the moments we're living right now. Take the time to look around and notice what's happening in your current moments to see if there are any of those memory-making qualities. Memories all start with a moment and it's important to realize that all moments will someday be memories. 

• Appreciate what you had -- and what you still have. Of course it's essential to recognize what once mattered so much to you and be grateful for the good times and experiences you've had, but it's also just as important to appreciate what you have right now. I understand that not every moment can be an amazing experience you want to hold on to forever, but each moment is valuable and it's so important to appreciate every single one. 

• Know what to hang on to and what you must let go of. It can be tempting to cling to memories (a.k.a., the past), especially when they have positive connotations, but you have to consider what's really valuable and what's not. This is important both in terms of physical mementos and mental memories. You only have so much space so it's up to you to determine what you really want to place the most value on. Remember: too much of the past (even the good past) can weigh you down. 

• Remember that living now doesn't mean you're missing out. Sometimes, when you've had a particularly good experience, it can be hard to move forward because you feel as if you're losing a part of that experience with every passing moment. Keep in mind that just because you're living in the moment doesn't mean you're not conscious of the good things that have happened to you. Being present doesn't mean you're losing the best parts of your past; it simply means you're making the most of those memories right now.    

• Share your memories with others, especially those who were present. One of the best ways to keep good memories close to you in the present is to share them with others. Whether you have photographs or merely recollections of an event, sharing those stories now can be a great way to make them last. It's especially great if you can share them with those who took part in the moment and connect with you now about things that happened in the past. 

It can be hard to live in the moment when you're longing for a moment gone by, but it's possible to be both present and nostalgic. I completely understand that there are some moments that you don't want to forget and it can be hard to be present when you want to return again and again to those moments. That being said, if you want to live a truly positive life, it's so important to live in the now. Hopefully the tips listed above will help you to live in the moment without forgetting about the good times you've already experienced. While it can be very detrimental to let the past rule your life, I think it's great if you can indulge in the past in small doses and doing this can, in fact, help to enhance the present moment. As you can see from the ideas above, it is possible to hold on to the past -- without losing sight of the present. 

How to you stay focused on the present
 without losing sight of your past? 
What are some of the best ways to enjoy memories
 without letting them dominate the present?

  

3 steps to stay positive by living in the present

 (♥)
 
  

“The past is history, 
the future is a mystery, 
but today is a gift.
That’s why it’s called
the present.”

Unknown

While I'm recovering from my weekend away in South Carolina, today you have the privilege of a guest post by Greg Blencoe, a life coach who publishes the Positive Waves Baby blog. His blog focuses on better living through the law of attraction, spirituality, and self-improvement.  To learn more about Greg, you can visit the "100 Things about Me" page on his blog. Greg has found that a large portion of the negativity in his life was due to dwelling in the past or focusing on the future (me too, Greg!). He is most positive when living in the present, and has provided us with three great steps for staying positive by living in the present moment. 

Step 1: Let Go of the Past by Forgiving

I just turned 36 a little over a month ago. Fortunately, I am now emotionally clear with most of my issues from my past. However, well into my 30s, I was carrying around far too much heavy negative emotional baggage. As I’m writing this, it’s almost unbelievable that I harbored negative feelings about several issues for an entire decade or two. The amount of time that I completely wasted is almost unfathomable to me. And while I wouldn’t say that these negative feelings dominated my life, I am certain they held me back and kept me from realizing my full potential.

Around the time I turned 30, I started to realize that the more things I let go that were bothering me, the happier I became. While this definitely does not mean I stopped holding people accountable, I found that no problems were solved by my feeling this way. I was only hurting myself. Basically, over the past six years, I have learned to choose my battles.

Most (and perhaps all) of the time, the process of letting go of the past has involved either forgiving myself or forgiving others. I have had to forgive myself for feeling like I wasn’t good enough, poor decisions that I made, not standing up for what was right, etc. And although looking back in the grand scheme of things none of what happened would probably be considered a big deal by other people, it mattered a lot to me for many years so I had to come to terms with it.

I also had to forgive other people.  Actually, this might not be correct. In my situation, perhaps what I really had to do was forgive myself for the expectations that I put on these people. Looking back, the real problem was that I wanted various people to act a certain way and they didn’t. Therefore, I had to let go of the fantasy of what could of or should have been.

Step 2: Focus Less on the Future

Another significant source of negativity in my life is when I focus too much on the future. Let me say upfront that I am definitely an advocate of having goals, a vision of where you want to go, etc. I deeply believe that you must first create in your mind before it becomes true in the physical world. Therefore, I would classify focusing on the future in this way as very positive. On the other hand, I view the fear, worry, constantly playing out countless scenarios, etc. associated with excessively focusing on the future in a negative manner to be a big problem. 

Since I was 18, my life has taken so many unexpected twists and turns. A lot of this is just because of who I am.  I have really enjoyed moving around and being involved in various projects. However, life still has a way of surprising us which can make long-term planning a bit difficult. And today things seem to be changing at a much faster pace than before.

Just think about how much the world has changed in the past five years. Where were blogs, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, text messages, etc. just five years ago?  And yet now they are a huge part of our lives.  I can only imagine what technologies will revolutionize our lives in 2015 that either haven’t been invented or most of us don’t even know exist right now. 

Therefore, with so many variables, focusing too much on the future seems like a waste of time and energy. This is especially true when excessive worry and fear is involved. At some point, you are much better off focusing on taking action to prevent what you are worried about or fear happening in the future.

Step 3: Have a “Dominate the Day” Mindset

While I always learn from the past and have a general idea of where I’m going in the future, my main focus is on living in the present. And I do this by having a “Dominate the Day” mindset. To be completely honest, I adopted this mindset out of frustration. I am the type of person that can play out countless future scenarios in my head.  While a little bit of this is necessary and productive, too much inevitably leads to unproductive worry and fear. I got so tired of making frequent trips to negative town that I decided to adopt the “Dominate the Day” mindset.

The idea is that I almost completely focus on what I can do that day in order to accomplish my longer-term goals. I do my best to not worry about tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year. Instead, I focus on doing everything I can that day to get where I want to be. While this may sound strange, it’s almost like life is a video game and I’m trying to get the highest score that I can on that day. And then I get up the next day and do it again. It has been very liberating to free myself of worrying too much about the future.

I want to make it very clear that I’m not saying that never thinking about the future is the right way to go. The purpose is to eliminate an unproductive focus on the future. While this will vary from person to person, I would guess that 80% of the time I used to spend thinking about the future was at the very least unproductive and, more likely, counterproductive. The point is to instead utilize this time much more effectively by taking productive action.

Final Thought

The strategy behind the “Dominate the Day” mindset comes from something a good friend of mine once told me: “When you take care of the minutes, the hours take care of themselves.”

This post was written by Greg Blencoe, a life coach who publishes the Positive Waves Baby blog, which discusses better living through the law of attraction, spirituality, and self-improvement. Check out his site for more great insights! 

how to see change as a glass half full

 (♥)

"Continuity gives us roots; change gives us branches,
letting us stretch and grow and reach new heights."

Pauline Kezer

  

Most of the important milestones in life involve change—school, jobs, relationships, births, deaths. Life is filled with crossroads, decisions, surprises—with change. For many, change is a scary word. It evokes fear or uncertainty. Others thrive on change—seeking it out whenever they feel like their lives are too mundane. Whether you love or loath change, you have to face it. The fact is: you will have to deal with change in your life, but how you deal with it is all up to you.

As someone who has been working on changing her life for the past year or so, I have a pretty good handle on what it means to me personally. I definitely have some first hand experience with change. I’m going through a lot of change myself. In fact, I’m enforcing it on myself these days, encouraging myself to change my life from a negative one to a positive one. As I’ve been changing myself and my life, I’ve learned a lot about change. I’ve not only been through a lot of changes, but I’ve learned a lot about it. As you probably know, change—even the good kind of change—isn’t always easy, but I’ve found that we all have the power to control how we react to change. Yes, we all have the power to interpret change in our own unique ways. And, more importantly, we all have the power to interpret change positively. Each of us has the power to see change—any type of change—as a glass half full. Here’s my three-step plan for optimizing change in your life.

Step 1: Accept What Is.

If you haven’t already read Bryon Katie’s Loving What Is, I would highly recommend that you do so before you dive into Step 1. The book does a much better job of explaining what I’m about to explain here (though I did make an attempt in the post “How to Love Your Life’s Path”). Basically, it goes like this: you have to accept whatever the situation is. You can’t move forward until you’ve accepted what is happening, difficult as that might be at times. If something has happened and you can’t stop it or alter it, you have to accept it. Okay, you don’t have to accept it, but it’s going to make your life a lot easier if you do. Good or bad, amazing or horrible, accept the change in your life for what it is. Try as best you can to leave your emotions out of it. Look at the situation objectively. Ask yourself, as if you are an outsider, “What’s going on here?” No matter what you feel, what you do, what you say, the change has happened or will happen. If you can’t change it (and, in life, there are many, many things that are out of our control), resisting what is—emotionally or otherwise—won’t do anything good for you or the situation. It only creates more pain and distress in your life. The only thing not accepting change will do for you is make the situation harder. In this first step, is important to think objectively and to keep an open mind. Whether you want it to happen or not, the change in your life is what it is. Things happen. Sometimes we’re thrilled. Sometimes we’re not. Whatever you do, do your best to accept the change. Accept things as they are and move on to Step 2.

Step 2:  Look for the Good.

Here’s where the glass-half-full philosophy really comes into play. Typically you will look at the bad in a situation (such as, “The theater was so crowded!”) or the good in a situation (such as, “I loved the movie!”) depending on what stands out to you most in a situation. Of course there are always shades of gray (such as, “The movie was great, but I hated how crowded the theater was.”), but when it comes to change, we usually have a very positive or very negative reaction. As humans, we want to label and define things so we describe them—to ourselves and to others (and sometimes differently to various people). So, go on, describe the situation you’re in. But here’s the catch—only describe the good things. Ask yourself, “What is good about this situation?” Think of all of the positive aspects this change in your life will bring you. Yes, even when a situation seems horrible, there are good things you can focus on. You can find the positive in anything. Look at the changed situation. What is good about it? What can you learn from the situation? What can you learn about yourself? Changing your attitude can change a lot. It’s not easy—I certainly know that first hand—but it’s possible. When you’re faced with change, look for the positive. It’s there. Sometimes you might have to look a little harder, dig a little deeper, but you will find it if you look.

Step 3: Stay in the Present.

As the author of Positively Present, I’m obviously pretty focused on staying in the moment. You’re probably wondering, “Why would I want to stay in the moment when it’s the change that’s causing me to feel emotionally unsettled?” Great question. When it’s the moment you’re in that’s bugging you, it’s tempting to think that focusing on the past or the future is a good idea, but it’s not. When I’m faced with change, I’m tempted to go back in my mind to the past or to think about the future. If I’m unsettled by change, I often find my mind wondering, “What could I have done differently?” or “What’s going to happen in the future?” Though these questions are interesting, they’re not necessarily helpful. For one, I cannot ever go back and redo or undo anything. For another, I have no idea what the future will hold and how the current change in my life will impact it. Thinking about the past or worrying about the future doesn’t really do anything (other than waste time). However, staying in the present can do a lot for you. If you’re focusing on the present moment, you can deal with the change as it is happening right now. Don’t worry about what might happen; live in the moment. Don’t wonder what could have been; live in the now. It’s not always easy to do, but it really does help to put everything in perspective and helps you to focus on the situation at hand. It’s not my advice to obsess about what’s happening to you, but I would advice focusing on it. Assessing the situation and understanding what you can do about it right now is one of the best ways to accept and interact with the change you’re facing.

  

As you all know, change can be a scary thing, but it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. No matter what kind of change I’ve encountered—and I’ve had some really great change and some really horrible change—I’ve learned from it. Change makes me a better person, even if I don’t always realize it at the time. Change can be interpreted any way you want to interpret it, but seeing change as a glass half full is the very best way to make the most of any situation.

How do you cope with change? Do you see it as a glass half full? 
Is it difficult to see the positive aspects of change? 

guest post: 3 reasons you should be selfish

 (♥)
 

Today's guest post was written by Oleg Mokhov, creator and author of the site, Lifebeat. When Oleg came to me with some ideas for guest posts (all of which were pretty brilliant), this one really stuck out to me. I've always been interested in the idea of selfishness and how it doesn't necessary have to be a negative thing. When I first undertook writing Positively Present and seeking to have more happiness in my life, it seemed selfish. It seemed self-absorbed. However, the more I worked on my happiness, the happier I became. The more happy and positive I became, the more I was able to transfer the positive attitude to other things -- my work, the blog, my family, my relationships. Making myself better helped to make other things better. So when Oleg suggested this idea for a post -- looking at the positive aspects of being selfish -- I was more than happy to feature this one on Positively Present. This post gave me a lot to think about (as does the rest of the work on Oleg's site) and I hope you enjoy it! 


Growing up, your parents told you that you shouldn't be selfish. That you should always put others first. Guess what? Your parents were wrong. You should be selfish, and there are 3 reasons why it's actually a positive thing. 

 3 Reasons You Should Be Selfish

1. Increases positive energy for you and others. Doing what you want makes you feel good. Which increases your happiness. Which increases your positive energy. Which increases happiness and positive energy of those of around you.

2. Helps yourself and others. Selfishness isn't all-or-nothing; you can do what satisfies you and help others out. If you love creating something and do it for your enjoyment, people can still get value from your stuff when you release it. Your main objective is to satisfy yourself, but the by-product is content you created that others benefit from too. This applies to charitable work too: you can choose to help someone out because it makes you feel good afterwards, but that person still receives the benefit.

3. You do your best work. When you make yourself happy, you're the most passionate and enthusiastic in whatever you do. When you have fun creating, chances are people will have fun consuming. You make your best stuff, people get more value from it as a result (and you thus sell more). Compare this to doing something you think you "should" do -- a half-assed attempt isn't interesting or valuable for most people. So when you put yourself first, others get more benefit than if you were to put them first but not enjoy what you do as much.

Take this article. I wrote it because I loved doing it. It was like a journal for me -- synthesizing my thoughts. And because I get excited writing about a topic like this, I give it my all, which results in a higher-quality article. So I put myself first. But you get the benefit of reading valuable content. If I wasn't into the topic and solely tried to write solutions to somebody's problem, then the quality of the article would've suffered: boring, mediocre, unremarkable. And you wouldn't have gotten as high-quality and valuable content. 

The same goes for this article being a guest post. The main reason I'm doing a guest post for Dani here at Positively Present is because I want exposure. To get in front of you and have you hopefully click my link at the end of this article. And since I want my first impression to be fantastic, I tried hard to make this article as great as possible. So I put myself first. But Dani gets the benefit of having quality content to add to her awesome site, and you benefit by having a valuable article to read. If I had to do this guest post without any benefit to me, I wouldn't have tried as hard to write a high-quality article. Dani would've gotten something mediocre, and you wouldn't have gotten as much value. Be selfish. Put yourself first. Both you and others will benefit more from it. And besides, you never liked listening to your parents anyway, did you?

 What do you really love to do?
Can you focus on doing it because you want to while also giving value to others
 (through your content, service, product, etc.)?

Oleg Mokhov, a writer/musician/adventurer, writes unconventional life-maximizing ideas for remarkable people and makes energizing electronic dance music for melody-lovers on his site Lifebeat. Subscribe now and follow him on Twitter. Oleg Mokhov is also the world's most mobile electronic musician and co-founder of the premium royalty free music store Soundtrackster. 
 

let go & let it in: how to stop being afraid of love

 

"The end of fear is where we begin the moment we decided to let love in
There's nothing we can do about the things we have to do without
The only way to feel again is let love in."

Goo Goo Dolls
 

If you were sitting in a room filled of people and asked, "How many of you want to be in love?" I bet you wouldn't be at all surprised if most hands in the room shot up quickly and without hesitation. Whether or not we think about it on a daily basis, love is something we all want. In fact, most things we work toward in life are based on the idea of wanting love and acceptance. We want to be successful and well-liked, but, above all, what we all really want is to be loved. However, much as we all want it, so many of us are actually really scared to get it. The way some people feel about love reminds me of the way my dog Bella acts when you give her a bone. She really wants the bone, but when you hand it to her, she won't take it. For whatever reason, she shiess away from it, looking at it warily from the corner of her eye. If you set it down on the floor, she'll run up to it and snatch it quickly, trotting it over to the couch or carpet where she promptly begins chewing. She wants the bone -- she really does -- but for some reasons she's scared of it. A lot of people are like that when it comes to love.

If you're lucky enough to be offered love, it doesn't always mean that you're going to welcome it into your life with open arms. Like my pup Bella, you may look at it from the corner of your eye, sizing it up and wondering whether or not you should take it. Why? Because you're afraid. Many, many people are afraid to love because they are afraid of getting hurt or they're afraid their not good enough or they're afraid they aren't capable of love themselves or they're afraid for reasons I've never heard of or reasons that are uniquely their own. In the past I've struggled with accepting love in my life. Like everyone, I've desperately wanted love, but, like so many, I've had difficulty letting others get close to me. Why? Because I was afraid that, inevitably, they would hurt me. Just like Bella with the bone, I was afraid of taking something I knew I wanted for fear that I would be hurt by it. (Also like Bella, once the love was left there for me to take from the safety of the floor, no longer being waved in my face, I found that I could reach down and grab it on my own, at my own pace.)

For a very long time, I was afraid of love. That doesn't mean I wasn't in love or I wasn't spending time loving others, but it does mean that during those times I was living in fear. I was loving but, at the same time, I was so afraid of losing. I held back for fear of love's loss holding me back. For me, and for many others,  letting love into my life was really difficult. It seems silly because, when you think about it, who wouldn't want love? We all want it but, for a variety of reasons, it can sometimes feel like the hardest thing in the world -- even when the love itself feels so good. I've found that letting love in can actually require you to be brave, to open up to someone else in a way that you never thought you wanted to, and to believe that you can trust another person. Doing these things can be very challenging and, positive as love can be, the potential loss of it can also be very intimidating.

Let's bring it back to Bella, shall we? Anyone who has a pet knows that, at some point, that pet is going to die. My sweet little Bella is turning six next month and that means that, quite possibly, about half her life is over. Now, that sounds like an incredibly morbid thought I know, but think about it this way: just because I know my best buddy is going to die does that mean I'm going to stop loving her and playing with her and spending as much time with her as I can? Just because I know she's going to be gone at some point (yep, my eyes are welling up already at the thought of it) and I will be heartbroken, does that mean I shouldn't allow her little awesomeness to be a part of my life? No. Knowing that I'm going to lose her, in fact,  makes me love her all the more and makes me take extra care with making the most of my time with her (what if we thought that way with all of our relationships?).

The point is: losing love sucks and I don't disagree with that for a minute. Cliche as it might be, that old quote "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" really is true. Losing love can be terrible and terrifying, but does it mean we shouldn't love? Certainly not! I understand from experience how hard it can be to open your heart and mind to the idea of love, but every second of love is worth it, even if it ends in heartache. So, when faced with the sometimes scary opportunity of letting love into your life, ask yourself these questions:

1. What do I really have to lose? It might seem like you have a lot to lose if you're considering your last heartbreak or thinking about all of those media-generated images of people who have had their hearts broken, but, really, what is it that you will lose if you actually let someone love you and it doesn't work out? You'll have to deal with some difficult times and you'll certainly feel rough at some points, but will it be the end of the world? No. You will survive and, if you hold back and don't let love in, you will have missed out on all of the wonderful things that come along with being in love. It can be very easy to focus on the negatives in any situation when you feel afraid. It can be much easier to just steer clear of anything that might potential make you feel bad, but, when you think about it logically, the good most often overrides the bad when it comes to love. 
   
   
2. What's the worst that could happen? I know a broken heart may seem like the worse thing that could happen (and, yes, it's up there in terms of pain), but will you be unable to go on if you let love in and it doesn't work out the way you planned? Nope. You'll be able to survive. As wonderful and amazing and inspiring as love is, it's not everything when it comes to life. Life is about so many things and, while love does play a big part in many aspects of life, without it you won't wither away and die. Without it, your life won't have lost it's meaning. Whatever you think the worst thing that could happen is, remember that love is better than that and it's worth the risk. Every single time.
   
   
3. What can I gain from love? Now, let's focus on the positives for a moment. Love, as anyone who has ever been in love knows, is A-W-E-S-O-M-E. It's one of the best things ever. Not only does it make you feel like a million bucks, but it also has health benefits and generally puts you in a much better, more positive, frame of mind. You can gain a lot from love. When someone in your life really loves you, that person will be there to support you. That person will stand by you and lift you up when you're feeling down. Check out the post "9 Positive Aspects of Love" to read all about how you can benefit from love. Focusing on the positives may help you to see that love really is worth the risk of heartache.
   
   
4. What am I really afraid of? When you begin with the idea that you're afraid of love (or anything for that matter), it's important to take another look at your fear and really try to understand it. Are you afraid of letting love in because you don't trust people? Are you afraid of letting love in because you don't feel as though you love yourself? Are you afraid of letting love in because you don't know if you could really love someone else? There are many reasons you might be holding back and it's important to take a look at the reasons behind your fears and try to deal with those. If you have issues with trust or self-love, for example, it's important to focus on those and work toward understanding yourself better. Once you do that, it'll be a lot easier to let love into your life.
   
   
5. How can I let go of my fears? After you determine what you're really afraid of -- and, yes, you must really learn to listen to yourself and be completely 100% honest with yourself with this one -- you can begin to figure out how you can let go of your fears and focus on the positive aspects of love (which, in reality, out weigh the negatives, though it may not always seem that way if you're in heartbreak mode). Remember: even when things don't work out, all of those good love-powered highs will have been worth it. When you love someone, it may feel like you're giving away a part of yourself, but really you're simply allowing that part of yourself to go out into the world and grow stronger. You have much more to gain than you do to lose.

Once you've given those questions some thought, I bet you'll find that it will be a lot easier to let that love in. Like Bella with her bone, you might be scared to take love when it's offered to you. You might fear it will hurt you or you will hurt others or that, for whatever reason, you don't deserve it. You might struggle with trusting others, trusting yourself, or even trusting love. But listen up! Love is amazing. It's one of the best things in the whole world and it's not every day that it comes along and shines it's bright light on your world. If you're given the chance to love and be loved, take it. No matter how difficult it is, no matter what you have to do to make it happen, let go of your fears and let love in.

Do you struggle with accepting love?
How do you let love into your life?

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