Let the Dead Leaves Drop : Lessons from Autumn on Letting Go

 

Dead leaves drop

 

This week my favorite season, autumn, officially arrives! I know how basic it sounds, but I seriously love everything about the season. In particular, I love the changing of the leaves. Not only are the vibrant yellows, reds, and oranges my favorite, but I find something comforting in the fact that the trees are at their most beautiful when they are in the midst of letting go.

For most of us, letting go is hard. It's a struggle to release people, things, or emotions we've grown accustomed to having in our lives. Some people are better at letting go than others. I, for example, have a terrifically terrible time letting go of people, but when it comes to letting go of material things, I have absolutely no trouble saying goodbye. Others don't seem to cling to people the way I do, but ask them to get rid of a dress they wore once in high school and they act like you're asking them to sell their soul. We're all different when it comes to letting go, but I bet that no matter who you are, you have a hard time letting go of something.

But you know what? That's okay. It's okay to have a hard time releasing what matters to you. Whether it's things, people, or thoughts, it's difficult to give up something you once thought of (or still think of) as yours. But just because it's hard doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. When you keep things you don't need (and, yes, this includes people), you create emotional (and sometimes physical) mess. Extra things create clutter in your home, and extra people create clutter in your heart. Personally, I'd rather not have any clutter in my life -- and the only way to do that is to learn how to let things go.

It's not always easy to release things, the way the trees always seem to graciously let go of their leaves each autumn, but it's up to you to choose to stop clinging to the things that you no longer need in your life. No one is going to do it for you, but I've got some tips for how to make it happen. Ready? Okay, let's go let go! 
 

  • Decide what's really important. When you take a step back and think about what's truly important to you, you'll realize that many of the things you're holding on to aren't as essential as you once thought. What's essential is being healthy, positive, mindful, and living your life to the fullest. If you are clinging to things or people, you're not really at peace with yourself or your life. Step back and assess what really matters to you, and letting go will become a lot easier.

  • Assess what benefits you're getting. One of the reasons we hang on to things or people is because we believe they add value to our lives. But is that actually true? Think about it -- and I mean really think about it. Are you benefiting from the clutter (emotional or physical) in your life? Is your life richer because you are surrounded by negative people? Probably not. Take a moment to list the benefits you think you're getting and you'll probably have a short list. Use this to motivate yourself to release what no longer serves you.

  • Recognize that you're overvaluing it. You're the one placing high value on a person or thing you're holding on to unnecessarily. More often than not, you're idealizing that person or thing and telling yourself that, for whatever reason, you need it/him/her. However, that's not true. If there's any part of you saying "let go," that means let go. What you need in your life is you. You also need things that are bringing you up, not down. If something isn't bringing you up, it's bringing you down. Stop overvaluing it and let it go.

  • Be brave enough to release your grip. It really does come down to the old Nike slogan, "Just do it." No matter how hard it is, no matter what obstacles stand in your way, sometimes you have to just suck it up, be brave, and release your grip. I know this is much easier said than done, but, honestly, it really is the only way. You owe it to yourself to be brave; to release the things that you no longer need. A remember: the hardest part is the release; once you're brave enough to take that first step, you'll soon see that you're just fine without it. 
     

As much as you might think you need something or someone, keep in mind that "need" is a very strong word. What you really "need" in your life is very different from what you "want." Keep in mind that, deep down, you know what's best for you. If there's something telling you to let go, listen to that instinct. Your gut feelings will let you know what's right and what's wrong. You just need to open your mind and listen to them. And then, when you hear that voice telling you that you need to let something go, have the courage to really listen and to take action.

Letting go isn't often easy, but you can make your life so much more positive if you take inspiration from the beautiful trees in autumn and just let the dead leaves drop. And, yes, you might go through a tough time -- a winter, if you will -- but that will pass, and you'll grow stronger and healthier in the process, just like bright green leaves and flowers do each spring. 

 

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A-Wear-Ness: Mindfulness + What You Wear

 

Awearness
 

When you think of mindfulness, your wardrobe probably isn't the first thing that comes to mind, but your fashion choices (even if you don't think your attire falls in the "fashion" category) impact your life more than you might realize. Like it or not, what you wear influences how others see you and how you feel about yourself. “Enclothed cognition” is the scientific definition for how your style and clothing choices reflect and affect your mood, health, and confidence. And, of course, those things — mood, health, confidence — greatly influence how you see the world and how you live your life. 

Fashion has always been of interest to me (I even contemplated on majoring in it in college before I transferred to a school that didn't have a fashion program!), but I've avoided talking too much about it because it seemed too materialistic or superficial for Positively Present. A few weeks ago I read an article on The Numinous, "Fashion as Self-Love," about KE7H3R designer Janelle Corpuz Hethcoat, and it made me realize that fashion and mindfulness are, in fact, very much related. 

Fashion — just like all aspects of our lives — can (and should!) be a mindful practice. I've been thinking about the correlation between fashion and mindfulness a lot lately and I've decided to call this mindful practice of buying and wearing clothing a-wear-ness. I even created a little acronym (W.E.A.R.) to help you understand and practice a-wear-ness in your own life. 

 

WEAR WHAT SPEAKS TO YOU

In this first aspect of a-wear-ness, it's important to consider your personal style and your lifestyle. (I wear sweatpants 90% of the time, but that certainly wouldn't work if I had a typical corporate job!). This step also involves carefully considering what (and how often!) you're purchasing new things. Yes, buying something new feels great, but that feeling is fleeting. Instead of seeking that brand-new-outfit rush, be thoughtful about what you buy and strive to purchase only the things that truly speak to you.  

"Fashion becomes a self-love practice when you can honestly answer the question: does wearing this make me feel like I can be myself?" said Janelle Corpuz Hethcoat, and I couldn't agree with those words more. What you wear impacts how you feel, which is why it's important to wear things that make you feel good (regardless of whether they're cool or on-trend). First and foremost, pay attention to what styles you like and what's comfortable for you, but also be open to new styles, too. (No one ever feels that great when they're stuck in a fashion rut!)

Personally, I'm all for following fashion trends (these days I almost always have a choker on, I've got a new bomber jacket on the way to me right now, and I'm definitely on board with the fanny pack!), but I don't believe in wearing something just because it's on-trend. If you like it and it happens to be a trend, go for it! But if you want to focus on a-wear-ness, it's essential to wear only the things you love — things that make you smile, feel comfortable, or give you confidence — regardless of how "fashionable" they are. 

 

EVALUATE AND EDIT

Vivienne Westwood once said, "Buy less, choose well, make it last." Those are some very wise words, and they go hand-in-hand with the concept of a-wear-ness. 

Over the past few years, I've been hearing more about the capsule wardrobe, which consists of a owning fixed amount of well-made pieces that can be worn interchangeably rather than a closet filled with items you might only wear once. While I've yet to personally adopt this fashion model, I do edit my closet each season, getting rid of the items I no longer love or wear and donating them to someone who might make use of them.

Choosing a minimalist approach to your style and consciously curating your wardrobe means you're attention is on what you have instead of constantly seeking out new items to buy. This is not only good for your wallet and peace of mind (fewer options = less time stressing about what to wear), but it's also a great way to practice gratitude too because you learn to deeply appreciate the items you already possess rather than seeking new ones. 

If you're not sure how to do this, start by making a list of the clothing you actually wear often and take note of why you wear it. Does it feel comfortable? Does it make you happy? Did it come from a meaningful place or person? Take note of the styles, colors, fabrics, etc. you're drawn to (and the ones you're not, so you know what not to purchase in the future!). 

A great way to put this into practice is to create fashion vision board, like my Closet Cravings board on Pinterest. Doing this serves two important purposes: (1) it gives you great insight into your personal style, and (2) it provides a place for you to save items you like without immediately purchasing them. Pin them to your board and then come back later to see if you do, in fact, feel they are items that will add to your a-wear-ness

 

ASSESS THE SOURCE

Where your clothing comes from is important, and contemplating the creation and manufacturing of the items you purchase is a big part of a-wear-ness. The energy that goes into the clothing you wear can have an impact on you, whether you realize it or not. As Janelle Corpuz Hethcoat put it:

Think about the energy that is put behind creating what you are placing on your body as your expression and reflection of yourself. Everything, even fashion, is a transference of energy. When you choose products that are made ethically, you are showing loving concern for the world, which in turn is an act of self-love — because in saying that the rest of the humans on this planet deserve better you are also saying you deserve better.

While I won't deny that I love a good fast-fashion find, I also realize how important it is to consider where your items come from and do your best to make conscious choices. Cultivate a-wear-ness by researching wear your clothing is made and how it is done. And, if possible, try to buy from local or small businesses.   

Also, it's very important not to buy items that feature designs stolen from small businesses. There's been a huge, unfortunate trend of big brands stealing from smaller designers (see Shop Art Theft), and I'm pretty sure stolen designs aren't going to have the best karma. Putting things on your body that are made ethically (and not stolen from others!) is a great way to cultivate a-wear-ness. 

 

REVAMP WHAT YOU OWN

This last point ties in with the second one. If you choose to have a wardrobe filled with a thoughtfully curated selection of items you love (and actually wear!), you might, at times, get a bit bored with your wardrobe. But a-wear-ness doesn't have to be boring! The trick is to learn how to revamp your wardrobe in little ways so it feels fresh even when you don't go out and buy every new trendy item on the rack. 

First, it's important to make sure you care for the items you own and repair them when you can. It can be really useful to know how to sew and mend so you can revamp your items if they wear down. (If you're not the mending type, identify where you can take items that need to be fixed so you can keep them looking nice instead of purchasing new ones). 

In addition to keeping your items it tiptop shape, you can also revamp your wardrobe in a big way with small accessories. Accessories allow you to change-up your look without buying a brand new set of clothes each season, and they give you a bit of customization that allow you to share a little bit of  personality with the world. Not sure how to customize? First, check to see what you already own and consider how you might wear it with different outfits. If you're in the mood to add a little something to your closet, consider adding a pin (like my Less Hate, More Love one!) to your collar or investing in jewelry that has interchangeable elements (i.e., different watch bands or charms on a necklace).   

Revamping your wardrobe with little things is not only a great way to cut down on clothing costs, but it's a great way to practice a-wear-ness by tapping into your creativity and identifying items that refresh your look. 

 

Whether or not you give much thought to what you wear, I hope you enjoyed learning about the concept of a-wear-ness. Fashion might sound frivolous, but what you wear does matter, both in the greater ethical, environmental sense, and in the personal, self-love sense. Appearances aren't everything (it's what's inside that really matters!), but fashion is a great way to express your personality, play with your creativity, and increase your confidence. The more a-wear-ness you practice, the more mindful and self-aware you'll become. 

 

 

A big THANK YOU to the sponsor of this post, Fanny Factory! Fanny Factory is a fashion company on a mission to bring back the fanny pack! They have taken the classic 90s-era fanny packs and made them cool again with a huge variety of fun patterns – from tropical pineapples, to flamingos, to retro paint splatters and pink florals – there’s something for everyone! Perfect for music festivals, exercising and traveling: the fanny pack is back! Get your new favorite accessory at FannyFactory.com. 

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SLT: 4 Steps for Using Song Lyrics as Therapy

 

Lyrics-Emotional-Postcards
 

Last week, I posted the image below on my Instagram feed, and people seemed to really love the concept. It's one of my most popular posts -- and, though the concept is positive, the lyrics I wrote about aren't typical of what I usually share on Instagram (aka, not the most inspirational!).

 

Song Lyrics

 

The attention this photo received definitely piqued my interest so I thought I'd write about the process of what I like to call Song Lyric Therapy (or SLT, for short). Even though it's fairly obvious how it works -- find lyrics, write it down, reflect -- sometimes it's helpful to have all the steps in front of you to motivate you to actually do it. 

Music is an incredibly powerful force in my life, and lyrics in particular have always had a profound impact on me. For 20+ years I've been practicing SLT and it's pretty amazing. And it works no matter what emotional situation you're in. I've done it when I'm falling in love, when I'm going through a break-up, when I'm trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I've also combined with Quote Therapy, which follows the same general process, but instead of lyrics, you use quotes. Sometimes I even get crazy and combine the two, haha!

If you're a lyric lover like I am, here's how you can use SLT to get in touch with how you're feeling:

  

STEP 1:
COMPILE A PLAYLIST 

You might already have some songs that you're listening to on repeat, or you might want to create a special playlist just for your specific situation. I originally to made playlists in iTunes, focusing on specific situations, like: The Positive Breakup, Staying Sober, Single at Christmas, etc. I then started making my weekly playlists on YouTube so you guys could listen too, and now I've finally gotten Spotify and I'm making lots of themed playlists over there (some recent ones include: Autumn Woods, Be Here Now, Hang in There, Love Yourself, Positive Vibes, etc.). Where you create your playlist is up to you -- just make sure it's somewhere you can listen often and easily add songs if needed. 

 

STEP 2:
GET INTO THE GROOVE

This step is all about listening closely to the words. Listen to your playlist over and over again. Some people (like me!) are super lyric-focused and can't help but listen to the lyrics and try to apply it in some way to their own lives. But some people aren't as into lyrics and in this step they've gotta step up their listening game. There are no right or wrong lyrics to look for; the key is to pay attention to the words that speak to you, that give you a feeling of, Wow! that sounds just like what I'm experiencing right now! If you pay attention to songs you're drawn to, you'll realize that you love them so much because you relate to them in some way.  

 

STEP 3:
WRITE THE WORDS

After listening to your playlist frequently, it's time to document those words. I prefer to handwrite the lyrics and add color, doodles, etc. to make the process a bit more fun, but you can write yours in an form you like: in a notebook, on your computer, in a note-taking app on your phone. Whatever method is easiest and most inspiring for you, do that. As you're listening to the songs, aim to pinpoint one or two lines from that song that really speak to you. While you can write down huge chunks of a song (or the whole thing!), I've found it most useful to really narrow my focus to one or two lines so that I can go deeper on those in Step 4. 

 

STEP 4:
MAKE TIME TO REFLECT

After writing down your lyrics, set them aside for a bit before coming back and re-reading them. You can highlight words that really speak to you (as I did above). As I'm reviewing the lyrics, I ask myself, Why did this line resonate with me? What about these words makes me feel something? What does this particular phrase say about how I'm feeling? Sometimes I just answer these internally and reflect on them, and sometimes I write down my replies. Either way, reflecting on the lyrics provides not only better understanding of the situation, but also of how you feel about the situation. And knowing your feelings is key to choosing how you think, act, and react. 

 

I've been using SLT for as long as I can remember, and I find it incredibly useful. If you're looking to do some soul-searching, if you're feeling uncertain about some aspect of your life, or if you're just curious about connecting with your feelings, I highly recommend giving this a try!

 

Want me to make a playlist for your situation?
Leave me a comment below or send me an email,
and I'll create a Spotify playlist for you!  

 

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33 Lessons from Living 33 Years

 

Birthday-Turning-33
 

Tomorrow I turn 33!

So many people moan about getting older (and I've been known to do so on occasion...), but the other day I had this thought: There's no greater gift than another birthday. It's a tad cheesy, yes, but it's so true. What could be better than being given an opportunity to be here, to keep living, to experience the highs and lows of life, the unexpected twists and the comforting consistencies?

There have been many times, for many reasons, that I wasn't certain I would celebrate another birthday and so, while I'm not always this obsessively grateful (though I'd like to be!), I do feel particularly thankful as my birthday rolls around each year. I am here and, while it's certainly not all sunshine and rainbows, I am so glad to be adding another candle to my birthday cake. 

In celebration of the big three-three I've rounded up a list of 33 things that I've learned over the past three+ decades. Below is a video in which I chat about these lessons (click here if you can't see it), and, if you'd rather read them, they're written below that! 

 

#1
You have control over your attitude.

External factors play a huge role in how you feel, but it's so important to remember that you -- and only you -- control your attitude. At every single moment, you are able to choose what you focus on. And what you focus on can have a huge impact on how you feel and act. 

 

#2
The "wrong" thing is sometimes right. 

I've learned from trial and error that "good" and "bad" or "wrong" and "right" isn't always as clear as we'd like it to be. Sometimes the "wrong" thing is actually the right thing to do. And sometimes... 

 

#3
The "right" thing is sometimes wrong. 

... what seems "right" is actually wrong. Just because someone (or society) tells you something is the right thing to do, that doesn't mean it is. I've learned to take the right / wrong dichotomy with a grain of salt. It's up to you to choose what's right and wrong. 

 

#4
Keep your mind (and heart) wide open. 

Open-mindedness is absolutely vital for making the most of life. You don't have to agree with everyone or everything, but I've found that listening to others (with an open mind!) makes everything easier (and more interesting!). 

 

#5
Figure out what you really love doing.

I'm fortunate enough to have figured out what I love -- writing and creating -- at a very young age, but I've seen way too many people just floating uncertainly through life. Figure out what you love doing (even if it's weird!) and do it as much as you possibly can. 

 

#6
Try as many new things as you can. 

Admittedly, I'm not the most adventurous soul, but every time I've ventured outside of my comfort zone and tried something new, I've learned something about myself or the world. I'm still working on this lesson, but I know it's so important!

 

#7
Have a goal other than "to be happy." 

I've talked about this before, but happiness shouldn't be your goal. You cannot and will not be happy all the time. Chasing happiness will not make you happy so find a goal or a purpose that's not your own personal happiness. 

 

#8
Finding the good in a situation pays off. 

Optimism has always been a challenge for me (which is why I started this site!), but every single time I've chosen to focus on the positive in a situation, it's made things better. Look for the good. Always. 

 

#9
It's okay not to like what others like. 

One of the most important lessons I've learned in life is that it's okay not to like what other people like. Likewise, it's okay to be into stuff that other people think is weird. Life is short; don't waste it following trends you don't care about. 

 

#10
Hate and resentment are never, ever useful. 

This probably isn't the most earth-shattering lesson, but it's one that too many people forget. When you hate, resent, or hold grudges against others, you only hurt yourself. I love T.Swift, but bad blood is just bad news.  

 

#11
Society's rules don't have to be yours.

You don't have to follow society's rules just because they're there. I don't want to get married or have kids or work a typical 9-to-5 job even though those are things you're "supposed" to do. It's your life; don't let your society dictate how you live it. 

 

#12
You can change any time you want to. 

Just because you were a certain way before doesn't mean you always have to be. You can change -- the way you feel, the people you're with, the job you have, the place you live -- any time you want to. It won't always be easy, but change is always possible. 

 

#13
Pay attention to how people make you feel. 

How does it feel after you've spent time with someone? Pay attention to that. If you feel drained, that person is no good for you. If you feel uplifted, pull that person closer. Choose to surround yourself with people who make you feel good. 

 

#14
You define what the word "success" means. 

Success is whatever the hell you want it to me. My new favorite quote (by Sarah Jones) is: What if joy was my only metric for success? Determine what you want your metric for success to be and measure you life by that. (Tip: It doesn't have to be money, a fancy title, or a perfect family.)

 

#15
Treat others how they want to be treated. 

The golden rule -- "treat others how you'd want to be treated" -- isn't so golden in my book. You've got to treat people not how you want to be treated, but how they want to be treated. Don't know what they want? Ask! 

 

#16
Never, ever stop being thankful. 

Gratitude is E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. It's taken me a long time to learn this (mostly because I thought it was just a cheesy cliche), but gratitude really is life-changing. The more you practice it, the better your life gets. Seriously. Dooooo it. 

 

#17
Self-love is the foundation for all love. 

Perhaps the most important lesson I've learned is that, if you want to love and be loved, you have to love yourself first. Loving who you are vital to creating good relationships, discovering an ideal career path, and just generally loving life. 

 

#18
Worrying serves no practical purpose. 

This one is tough. I've learned the lesson countless times (how many times I've worried about something that never happened!), but I still struggle with anxiety and worrying. I'm working on it though! 

 

#19
Bad times pass. So do good times. 

When you're going through a tough time, it seems like it'll never pass, but guess what? It always does. And so do the good times. When things are bad, know they will pass and hang in there. When they're good, know they will pass and appreciate every joyful moment. 

 

#20
When it's time to let go, do it. 

Another lesson I've been taught over and over again by life, but still struggle to master. Letting go is hard for me, and I tend to cling waaay longer than I should to people and situations. I'm working on channeling my inner Elsa and learning to let that shit go.

 

#21
You can be scared and still be brave. 

It's taken me awhile, but I've finally realized that bravery isn't an absence of fear. Being brave is about being scared and facing a situation anyway. We're all scared of something; instead of running from the fear, face it. You'll be glad you did. 

 

#22

Notice what’s going right.

This goes hand-in-hand with gratitude. So often we’re focused on what’s going wrong in our lives – which is normal, don’t worry – that we forget to recognize what’s going right!

 

#23
Don't romanticize the past or future. 

The past and future aren't real, and, likewise, memories and visions are only ideas, not reality. Rather than wishing I was elsewhere, I've learned to focus on making the most of the present. If you're gonna glamorize something, let it be the now. 

 

#24
You cannot control other people. 

No matter what you do, say, or think, you do not have control over other people. Yes, there are times when you can probably manipulate someone, but that doesn't usually end well. When you realize you have no control over others, you'll find a profound sense of freedom within yourself. 

 

#25
Go into it with absolutely no expectations. 

Expectations only lead to disappointment. You can have standards, but don't have expectations. You'll only be let down by situations and people. And going into things with no expectations can lead to amazing experiences. 

 

#26
Take note of what excites your heart. 

What makes your heart start beating fast? What do you want to talk about for hours? What excites you? Pay attention to those things -- no matter how small -- that get you feeling inspired and enlivened. They will tell you things about yourself you never knew. 

 

#27
It's good that not every wish is granted.

For the past few years, I've been making the same wish on every star I could see. It hasn't come true and I'm starting now to see why. There's something better in the works. If your wish isn't coming true, it's for a reason. Trust. 

 

#28
You'll make time for what you really want. 

You all the things you don't have time for? It's because you don't want to do them. We all have the same amount of time in every day. What you want to do is what you'll do. I always have time for the things that really matter to me -- and you do too. 

 

#29
The less you need, the more you'll have. 

It's taken me a long time to learn this one, but I finally realize that the rush that comes from material things doesn't last very long. Yes, I still love stuff, but I realize now that it's extra, not essential. (Hint: what's essential isn't something you can purchase at a store.)

 

#30
Not all thoughts are worth believing.

Not everything you think is a fact, and it took me awhile to realize this, but once I did, it was life-changing. Always take a closer look at what you're thinking and ask yourself if it's absolutely, definitely true. Your mind is a wild place and so much of it is imagination. 

 

#31
Notice mistakes you make repetitively. 

I'm really great at making the same mistakes over and over again. What can I say, it's a skill. ;) But, seriously, I've learned to pay attention to mistakes I make repetitively and look closely at them. They teach me things. 

 

#32
Learn something new every day. 

Knowledge is power. The more you know, the bigger your world gets. And, if you're reading this, you're fortunate enough to access to the internet, holder of so much knowledge. Use it to up your power. Soak up that info like a dry sponge; learn as much as you can!

 

#33
Always choose love over fear.

The greatest lesson I've learned is that almost everything you do, say, think, feel can be traced back to love or fear. Those two things govern so many of our choices and beliefs. Pay attention to which one is guiding you and strive to give love the lead. You'll never, ever go wrong by letting love guide you.  

 

So, here I am, nearly 33, and those are some of the most important things I've learned so far. Not bad for only 33 years! I hope you've either recognized these as some of your own learned lessons or you've found some inspiration in them. Life is one great big classroom and the more you learn, the more progress you'll make and the better your life will be. I'd love to hear the lessons you've learned so far in life! Share them with me in the comments!

 

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To Really Live: Fear Death, Not Life

 

Live-Fully
 

Want to really live your life to the fullest? Then it's high time you spent some time thinking about death. 

I've recently become obsessed with The School of Life's YouTube channel, and a recent video -- Reasons to Remember Death -- really caught my attention. Death is something a lot of people don't like to think about, and rightly so. The unknown is scary, and death is the biggest (and most inevitable) unknown we face. As scary as it is, it's useful to think about it and, as The School of Life suggests, use that fear to our advantage. The video kicks off with this powerful statement: 

 

Many things we're meant to tackle are left aside because we're scared.

We're scared to fail. We're scared to be alone with our own feelings, scared to eject certain people from our lives, scared to tell our partners who we really are, scared to take our dreams seriously.

From fear, we delay the lives we know we should be leading.

 

So many of us are afraid of what others might think of us, what risks we might have to take, or what we might lose if we show the world who we truly are and go after what we truly want. The thing is: there's not a lot of time. We're only given so many days, so many moments, and we don't know how many of those we have left. Rather than letting the brevity of life terrify us to the point of immobility, The School of Life suggests: 

 

We should use the thought of death not to make us despair of life, but to shake us into committedly pursuing the life we know we need to lead. We will act when the fear of death is finally allowed to trump the fear of failure or humiliation, compromise or shame.

Deliberately scare yourself about the only thing you need to fear, and thereby be liberated to get on with everything else that so badly needs doing.

 

I urge you to scare yourself a little bit this week. Think about what it will be like to be lying on your deathbed, reflecting back on your life. What will you want your life to have looked like? Are you doing what you need to make sure it looks what way? If not, why? What are you waiting for? When do you think the time will be right? (Hint: it's never the perfect time to do anything that's hard.) 

When you consider consider death -- scary as it is -- you'll realize that so much of what you spend your time worrying about isn't all that important. You'll feel freer and braver. You'll want to go after the things you really, truly want (even if those things seem a bit crazy). 

Don't delay the life you should be living. If you're not already living that life (and I hope you are!), find a way to take action now -- today, if possible! -- to move toward with living a life you'll look back on with gratitude and joy. Of course, life will never be perfect (and it would be boring if it was!), but life shouldn't be governed by the fear of failure, the sharp nudge of shame, or the cunning guise of compromise. Life should be ruled by pursuing the things that truly make you feel alive, fulfilled, and consumed with appreciation. 

There's a Latin term, momento mori, that means "remember that you have to die." It originated as a reminder to victorious generals not to get to caught up in praise after winning a battle, but instead to be humbled by the notion that they, too, would someday die. While the root of the concept was about humility and virtuous living, for me momento mori is about living a positive, fulfilled life not only because it's wonderful for you to make the most of your life, but because I truly believe that if you are doing things that bring you joy, gratitude, and fulfillment, you will ultimately make the world a better place. You living a good life is good for the lives of those around you and those who will continue to live long after you're gone. 

Life is like a giant ocean and everything we do has a ripple effect. The ripples we create -- both good and bad -- spread out and out and out. They reach so many more people than we realize. What you do with your life matters, and the more you fear death, not life, the more you'll make the most of every moment you're given. The better your moments, the more good ripples you send out into this great big ocean of humanity. 

I know death is scary (I won't pretend I've come close to accepting it yet, though I hope one day I'll find peace with the inevitable...), but it's important to use it to your advantage, rather than avoid it. We're all afraid, but it's so much more useful to fear death than it is to fear life. Try not to think of the space between right now and your last day as a negative (a limited amount of time) but as a positive (an exciting challenge to make the most of these remaining moments). Regardless of how many days you have left, I believe you deserve to live them to the fullest, and, more importantly, I believe you have the strength and knowhow to go after the life you deserve right now

 

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