(♥)
"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start,
anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending."
Anonymous
Happy Valentine's Day -- and Happy Anniversary to Positively Present! One year ago today, I sat down on my bed with my laptop and wrote this post -- my very first Positively Present post. It's hard to believe that it's been one year since that night and even harder to believe how much Positively Present has changed my life. Writing this blog has helped me to consciously seek positive things in life and to look for ways to live in the present moment. In the course of the past twelve months, I've learned more about myself than I never thought possible, all because I've been paying attention to the now and keeping my focus on the positive. Looking at the world through the Positively Present lens has made me see everything differently and every new situation I encounter benefits from my new point of view. This year has been one of the best years of my life -- filled with all sorts of ups and downs and good times and bad times. I've been living life -- both the positive and the negative -- and I've been learning how to make the most of everything I've encountered.
It hasn't been easy. I've had a hard time letting go of the negative attitude I used to cling to and I've faced some situations this year that have challenged my desire to be positive. Changing my attitude and, as a result, changing my life has been, quite honestly, the hardest thing I have ever done. I've done some difficult things, but reworking the way one thinks about the world affects everything and, in a sense, everything in my life has had to change over the past twelve months. It's been extremely difficult for me not to look back, to analyze the past with the fervor that I used to save for that type of unhealthy analysis. It's been so hard for me to live in the moment, especially in moments that I would have rather lived without. When I started this blog a year ago, I wanted to leave the past behind me. I wanted to erase it and start from scratch. Of course, as the quote above says, you can't go back and make a new start. But, as I've learned this year, you can start from where you are and create a new ending.
I used to think I knew exactly what my life would be like. I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I knew what I wanted and what I thought would happen to me. But I had no idea that this year was coming my way. I had no idea that I would be able to shift my priorities, my focus, and my life in such a way that, only one year after my first blog post, I would find myself in a completely different place, almost as if I'd woken up finally from a dream. So many things have changed in a year and I can connect all of those changes directly to my change in attitude. I can look back and see so clearly just how much this blog -- and all of the wonderful support from readers like you -- has changed my life. It may sound silly, but it's true. Over the past year, this blog has been my friend, my confidant, my outlet, and my therapy. This blog has taught me so much about the world and about myself.
It's been a year of writing, a year of learning, and a year of making my world better than I ever thought it could be. Hal Borland said, "Year's end is neither and end or a beginning, but a going on with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us," and I couldn't agree with that more. This is a new year for Positively Present, but it's not an end to last year. Instead, it's a continuation of what has been happening here for the past year. It's a continuation of positivity, of living in the now, of working hard to make my life what I want it to be. This month I've been writing a lot about and thinking a lot about love and I can say one thing is true this year that wasn't one year ago: I love my life.
Why do I love my life? Because it's changed for the better. How? Here's a list of things that I have learned over the past year -- the top life lessons that have stuck with me through all of the changes I've made in my life. I hope you can learn from them too and realize, as I have, that a positive attitude really can make a difference in your life.
A Year of Positively Present Lessons
1. Being present makes everything more interesting.
Every day many of us are faced with routines, the daily ins-and-outs of living. It can, as most of us know, get boring from time to time. I think that boredom was one of the main reasons I used to be so down all the time. I wasn't stimulated by life (which is why I also took to drinking and other unhealthy behaviors) and it wasn't until I realized the power of living in the present moment that it occurred to me that it was up to me to enjoy my moments, whatever those moments might be. When I started to pay attention, to look around and see that there were some pretty cool things in my life, I realized that there was literally no reason to ever be bored. There is so much going on if you just look around, I discovered. After realizing this, I started to pay attention to things more. I learned to love the view from my cubicle window. I learned to take pleasure in the daily drive to work. I learned to enter into new situations with the idea that there could be something exciting to see or do. Being present isn't always easy and there are certainly times when my mind wanders or when I'd rather be somewhere else, but, over the past year I've gotten a LOT better at living in the moment and it's taught me that every moment is worth more than experiencing; every moment is worth living.
2. A positive attitude can transform any situation.
Now, even after a year of writing this blog and doing my best to have a positive attitude, I can't say that I'm always a positive person. There are little bits of negativity that creep in from time to time. And you know what? That's okay. I've realized that being positive doesn't mean being positive every second of every day. It means making the most of a situation to the best of your ability and trying your hardest to see the good. Sometimes I'll admit that I can't (or won't) do this, but, over all, I've done a pretty amazing job of looking for the good over the past year. It's been a pretty heavy year for me -- filled with the very highest of highs and the lowest of lows -- but I've handled it all pretty well I think. And you know why? Because I've tried my best to have a positive attitude. Even when things seemed to really suck and all I felt like doing was curling up into a little ball and bawling on my bed, I chose to look for the good. This was not easy, but I know it made a difference. It was not the path of lease resistance (it's so much easier to just give in to the negative thoughts!), but it was the best path I could have chosen for myself. It's been very, very difficult at times to see the good or have a positive attitude, but every single time I've done it, I've been happier and more at peace with the situation. Being positive isn't always easy, but it is always worth it.
3. Positivity broads your mind and your outlook.
I didn't really think about this much until recently when I read Barbara Fredrickson's Positivity, but it's such an important element of my journey. Positivity really has made me have a broader, more open view of the world. With a positive attitude, I've been able to be more present to situations, including situations that would not normally interest me. In the past, I would have automatically had a snide or sarcastic comment ready for a situation that wasn't "me," but now I try to have a more positive outlook. The positivity has, in fact, allowed me to be more present. Going into situations with a positive attitude, I'm more into them and I'm more fully aware of what's happening. Because of this, I've been able to expand my mind and my ideas of what I find enjoyable. I've started giving new things a change and I've engaged in activities and situations that I never would have done in the past. It's still not super easy for me to try new things, but now that I have a new outlook on life I'm more open to the possibility of doing something different. Now that I know that I can find good in almost any situation, I'm more open to trying new things. It's exciting, being open-minded, and it's not something I've experienced too often in the past. I'm learning more and more every day not only about the world but about myself as well and I know I wouldn't be doing this if I were still residing under a dark cloud of negativity.
4. Rid your life of negativity and you will succeed.
Ridding my life of negativity was by far the hardest thing I've had to do since I started this blog. It has been incredibly difficult to stop doing some of the negative, self-destructive things I used to do. It has been even harder to get rid of the people in my life that I used to do these things with. Removing negativity has been extremely, extremely difficult for me. There were things I liked to do, things I thought of as fun and exciting and interesting, that I had to stop doing. I still want to do them sometimes, but I know that all of the success I've had over the past year would be nonexistent if I were still surrounded by negative activities and negative people. I cannot tell you how much it hurts to stop doing things you love or to stop seeing people you care about. It's painful and it doesn't feel very positive. But it is. By ridding my life of things that were negative for me, I've opened up space for more positive things. I've created more time for me to do the things I love. I've cleared more space in my heart to let in new, positive people. Without making room for these things, I never would have started this blog. I never would have met some of the amazing people I have. I wouldn't be the person I am today if I hadn't actively removed negative things from my life. It was painfully difficult, but, looking back, I see that all of the pain was worth it to get to the place I'm in right now.
5. Do what you love and you'll increase your happiness.
The one thing I've always loved -- no matter where I was in my life or what was happening -- is writing. I've loved it for as long as I can remember. On my thirteenth birthday I was allowed to go into Tiffany & Co. and pick out anything I wanted and you know what I picked out? A beautiful silver pen. That's what I wanted when I was younger and that's what I still want today -- a chance to write. I've always been writing, filling lined journals with my thoughts and desires, typing page after page of short stories and poems on my laptop. It wasn't until this year though that I actually started sharing my writing. I used to keep it locked up, trapped behind tiny brass locks and passwords, but this year I started this blog and started sharing what I write with YOU. It's been scary and exciting and unnerving at times, but mostly it's been wonderful. I love to write and I love to know that I'm actually writing for others. I'm writing mostly for myself, I'll admit, but I also am keeping you, the reader, in mind. Though I haven't made a career of this writing (yet!), I know I want to and I also know that I've become a much, much happier person because I've spent so much time doing what I love. Not everyone is even lucky enough to know what s/he loves to do, but I am fortunate enough to know what I love and to have the opportunity to do it every single day. Every time I write, I'm happy, and, for that reason, I cannot say enough: do what you love. It will make you happier than you ever thought possible.
6. Focus on what you want and it will find you.
I'm not sure how many of you readers believe in the Law of Attraction, but it's a pretty interesting thing. I've learned quite a bit about it over the past year and I've found that a lot of the things I put mental energy into became physical realities. The more I've focused on something, directly all of my energy to it, the more it's come into my life. For example, let's look at positivity. The more I've focused on it, the more I've found it all around me. I see the happiness in others. I find the goodness in situations. I am somehow surrounded by people who also see the good in things. By actively focusing on what I wanted -- a more positive life -- I was drawn to things and situations and people that helped me to create that life for myself. I've spent time actually writing down lists of what I wanted and, much to my surprise, I've actually gotten those things. I'd read about the Law of Attraction, but I never believed in it until this year. It's amazing that when you put your attention on something, that's what you'll get. It always worked that way before too, but I'd just never realized it. I felt like bad things were always happening to me and it was because I was spending all of my time focusing on and complaining about the bad things. Once I decided to let those things go and started focusing on the good things in my life, more good things came my way.
7. Seeking out help will help you grow even stronger.
I've mentioned it before, but I'll say it again: I would not be where I am right now if it weren't for a great support system and an amazing therapist. I've had a great cohort of family and friends who have supported me as I've made a lot of big changes in my life and I will be forever grateful to those who have stuck by my side through the past year (which, believe me, wasn't always easy). I wouldn't be where I am today without the strength I gained from their support. I also wouldn't be where I am today without some fantastic weekly therapy sessions (click that link if you want to read more about my therapy experience). I'd been in therapy before, but it never seemed to work. It had always seemed like a waste of time. Then, about a year ago, I started seeing a new therapist and my world was dramatically changed. Rather than sitting back and listening (as my previous therapists had done), this therapist actually took action. She gave me books to read, workbooks to work on, assignments to bring back to the next session. She helped me to stop the negative behaviors and to realize that I had a lot more potential than I gave myself credit for. One week at time, she made me see that I deserved to have a normal life and that I no longer had to live the way I'd been living. She made me realize that it was up to me to make changes and with her support, along with that from my family and friends, I was able to change things and to become the me that I am today. A lot of people shy away from getting help, thinking it means they are weak. Seeking help doesn't make you weak -- and it may be the only way to help you become strong.
8. Loving yourself is the very best thing you can do.
It can be really, really hard to love yourself. It's hard to love the things you've done, the mistakes you've made, or the emotions you sometimes feel. It's not easy to accept yourself, but I think that's exactly what was holding me back for so long in my life. I couldn't be happy with who I was so I could never really be happy with the life I was living. It wasn't until I got into therapy and started really looking at myself up close that I realized that I had to do whatever it took to love myself. I realized that if I didn't start loving myself, I could never, ever love my life. And I desperately wanted to love my life. So I got started. I started focusing on the good things about me and stopped harping on the bad. I started surrounding myself with people who lifted me up and got rid of those who made me feel bad about myself. I looked for the good things in my life instead of focusing on what had happened in the past. Putting myself in the present moment with a positive attitude helped me to really, truly fall in love with myself. When in the present I didn't have to dwell on the past and I didn't have to be anxious about the future. I could just be and whatever I was at that very moment became enough. Being positive and being present taught me to love myself just as I was, just in that moment. After a year of focusing on the good and learning to love the moment I'm in, I can honestly say that I love the person I am. I'm not perfect, but I'm perfectly me.
9. Be grateful for the love in your life.
Over the past twelve months, I've had quite a few ups and downs in terms of love, but I've realized that love isn't always able to fit neatly into a box. Love isn't always ready for a label. Love comes in all forms and we can feel it all around us if we just pay attention. Before this year I used to take love for granted. I assumed it was one of those things that would always be there and it was just like air -- important, but easy to forget about. This year I realized that love is so much more than I ever realized it. It is one of the most basic things, one of the things you're given right from the day you're born, but it's something that is so complex and moving that it cannot be forgotten or taken for granted. I have a lot of love in my life. Some of it is what you would expect and other forms of it are unusual, but all of the love I have is so very important. It's easy sometimes to forget about how important it is, but, in learning to be more present it's become harder and harder to take love for granted. I've become much more genuinely appreciative of the love in my life over the past year and I hope that appreciation always continues. Love -- whether it be from friends, family, or significant others -- is an amazing thing and I've learned to be respectful of it and to recognize and appreciate it as often as I can.
10. You can make the choice to have a positive, present life.
The greatest lesson I learned over the past year is this: you have a choice. You have a choice to be positive. You have a choice to be present. Both of these things can be really, really hard at times (believe me, I know!), but every single day, every single second, you have a choice. You can either be fully present in the moment, assuming a positive attitude and making the most out of whatever situation you're in. Or you can be something else. It's up to you. I've made the choice time and time again to be positive and to be present and every time I've made that choice, I've benefited from it. That being said, I don't always make that choice. I always want to, but sometimes it's very difficult and it's something I'm still working on all the time. However, when I have made the choice to be positive and present I've been a lot happier. I've learned that it really is the way to go. No matter what the situation is, if you make yourself present and you make your attitude positive, you'll enjoy the situation a lot more. Hard as it may be at the time, being positive and being present it worth every ounce of effort if you want to make the most of any situation. It's a choice -- and not always an easy one -- and it's always, always up to you. Choose to be positively present!
Some of these may have seemed obvious to you, but a year ago, none of these things were obvious to me. I believed I was destined to live under this dark cloud of sadness; I assumed that was my purpose and that I was expected to be gloomy and grumpy for the rest of my life. I had no idea that it was even possible for me to make such grand changes in my life. In fact, I had no idea it was even possible for me to want to make those changes. I got to a point where I was so unhappy, so drained and miserable, that I knew there was no other choice than to make a change. I didn't know exactly what the change would be, but I knew I had to do something. It took a long, long time -- twenty-five years! -- to get to the point where I realized that I needed a change, but since I've begun striving for a more positive and present life, I've learned so much and I truly believe I'm finally, after all of these years, becoming the person I was always meant to be.
Thank you so much for reading Positively Present over the past year!
The blog wouldn't be what it is today without readers like you so THANK YOU!!
