positively present

positive change: staying grateful with fanx

  (♥)

 

Today's post is part of a segment on Positively Present called "Positive Change." Posts labeled "Positive Change" are featured periodically on Positively Present and will highlight the people, websites, and organizations that are striving to make the world a more positive place. Today's post features Fanx.com, a website dedicated to encouraging people to express gratitude in their lives. 

 

Maybe it's the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday or my undying love for the fall season, but something about autumn makes me gravitate toward gratitude. During the fall season, I find myself just a little bit more grateful for what I have all around me. Though, yes, this is an act I should be practicing all year round, I am thankful that there is a time of year when I am paying a little bit more attention to the goodness in my life and finding myself grateful to have what I do. 

When I recently came across the site, Fanx, I was thrilled. A site dedicated to gratitude! How awesome! The purpose of the site is to encourage people to express their gratitude to the special people who make a difference in their lives. There are so many times in our lives when we feel grateful but we don't take the time to express it and Fanx strives to help with that. The free website provides a place for you to privately (or publicly, if you want) share your gratitude with others. 

When you sign up for Fanx, you have the opportunity to send your gratitude for those you've been meaning to thank. Saying thank you feels good! (Check out this "Doing Good Feels Good" video if you don't believe me.) And, for an instant mood boost, you can visit Fanx.com and check out the thank yous that have been made public. Here are some of my favorites: 

 

"Thank you for always being around when I need you. Thanks for listening, encouraging and supporting me often" - Jenney to Emma

"Thanks for always being there for me even when I'm moody." - Ellie to Mum

"Thanks for letting me borrow a pair of pants." - Anna to Ellie

"Thanks for being such an ace sister. You're not that bad, no matter what you think." - Jennifer to Kathryn

"Thanks for saving me a cupcake!" - Charlie to Sophie

"Sounds stupid but thanks for buying me the sensitive toothpaste. Now I can actually eat!" - Holly to Carol

 

If you're anything like me, there are probably a few people out there who you want to thank but haven't had a chance to. You might have forgotten about it or just didn't know the best way to go about it. Fanx is a great way to channel your gratitude. It only takes a moment to let someone know how thankful you are for him or her and if you don't have a chance to (or don't want to) do it in person, Fanx is a great way to share your gratitude. Fanx is also a great way to send your gratitude for someone you've never met out into the world. Sign up for Fanx and let someone know how thankful you are! 

Oh, and by the way, if I could I would send a Fanx to each and every one of you. Thank you for reading Positively Present! It means more to me than you probably realize. I love writing and sharing and it wouldn't be possible (or as enjoyable) without readers like you so thanks!

 

5 steps for creating a gratitude journal to cultivate positivity

Do you keep a gratitude journal? I don't -- but I keep something similar -- a "happiness journal," in which I write down all of the things that make me happy. It's a great source of inspiration and a great way to stop and think about all of the things in life that are wonderful. Today's post was written by Lisa Shoreland, a resident blogger at Go College, and she's here to share some great tips with you on how to keep a gratitude journal so you can cultivate positivity in your life! 

 

Stress, work and family responsibilities, and routine can trap us in a pattern of negative thinking that feeds on itself and creates more stress and unhappiness. This cycle can lead to other ailments, as well, including constant fatigue and even depression. Finding ways to focus on the positive can help reprogram your thoughts and break this cycle.

Keeping a gratitude journal is one of the best ways to retrain your thoughts to focus on the positive things in your life. Studies have shown that keeping a gratitude journal can have many benefits. For example, a study from the University of California showed that participants who kept a gratitude journal complained of fewer physical symptoms, felt happier and more optimistic about their lives, were better able to meet goals, and exercised more. Here are some guidelines to keep in mind when starting your own gratitude journal:

1. Choose Your Journal

What works best for you? Do you find that handwriting in a journal helps you slow down and connect with what you’re feeling? Or do you prefer the instant materialization that typing offers? Decide on a format that works best for your needs and preferences, and use it consistently. You may also decide to decorate your journal in ways that remind you of your purpose or help you feel more positive:

• Attach or paste photos that make you happy on the cover or on random pages
• Draw photos that depict your positive feelings about the things for which you are grateful
• Write inspirational quotes or mantras in the margins
• Notate special anniversaries and write about why you are grateful for those events and people

Personalizing your journal in this way can reinforce your purpose and make you feel more connected to your purpose.

2. Be Consistent

You should write in your gratitude journal every day, and preferably at the same time of day. If you’d like to start your day on a positive note, write in your gratitude journal after you eat breakfast. If you want to use your gratitude journal to reflect after a long and stressful day, write in your journal just before you go to bed. It is important to associate your writing with other key habits, as well. Even if you don’t write at the same time, write in conjunction with the same activity. For example, you could write in your journal on the subway ride home, or after you’ve finished washing the dishes each night, or after you’re done at the gym. Writing at the same time or in correlation with the same activity helps making it a part of your routine, which will help it more quickly become a habit.

3. Write at Least 3 to 5 Things

Decide on a goal for how many things you’d like to express gratitude for each day, but be sure that it is no less than three to five. You can write your entries in a list or in small paragraphs, explaining why it is you are grateful for each. The key is to get in the habit of becoming aware of all the things in your life for which you have to be grateful. It may be hard to come up with three items in the beginning, but once you get in the habit, it will be easy to see the positive in all the things you do.

4. Be as Specific as You Can

In the beginning, it may be hard to find things for which to be grateful, and you may be tempted to list things like “I’m grateful for my health.” While this is certainly something for which to be grateful, try to be more specific and focus on exactly why you are grateful. For example, instead of saying, “I’m grateful for my husband,” you could write:

• I’m happy to have such an affectionate husband who tells me that he loves me so often.
• I’m grateful to have such a handsome husband, to whom I am still attracted.
• I’m lucky to have a husband who picks up his socks.

Or, instead of writing, “I’m grateful for my job,” you could write:

• I’m lucky to have a job right now even though many of my friends are unemployed.
• I really like the people I work with every day.
• I’m grateful to have a job that lets me have a flexible schedule to work around child care.

Focus on specific, positive things, and the things you have to be grateful for will come more into focus for you.

5. Turn Negatives into Positives

Help really transform your thoughts by finding the positive side of negative situations. Instead of dwelling on things that are not working out – maybe a failed relationship, or financial hardships, or health problems – try to find a positive in those situations. For example:

• I’m upset that relationship didn’t work out, but now I have time to focus on myself and figuring out what I really want and need in a partner.
• My husband is still unemployed, but I’m grateful that we were able to pay the rent this month.
• I don’t feel well and I’m worried about my health condition, but I’m grateful for the insight it has given me into how much I want to get out of life.

This will help you learn to focus on the positive in even the most dire situations.Though it may seem difficult and unnatural at first, keeping a gratitude journal and learning to focus on the positive in every situation will help you cultivate a greater sense of happiness and optimism about your life.

 

Lisa Shoreland is currently a resident blogger at Go College, where recently she's been researching architecture scholarships as well as student loan deferment. In her spare time, she enjoys creative writing, practicing martial arts, and taking weekend trips.

 

online gratitude: 33 thankworthy finds

 

 (♥) 

With Thanksgiving just a few days away, of course I'm thinking about all of the great things I'm thankful for in my life. My gratitude list is endless, but one thing I'm particularly thankful for this year is the plethora of online resources, sites, and inspiration I've come across. I spend so much time online, but I rarely stop and think about how awesome it is that we all have such great access to the world and to so many other people doing awesome, inspiring things. Though I could probably write hundreds of blog posts about sites I'm thankful for, I've narrowed my list down to 33 things I'm really grateful to have discovered online. Some are 2010 finds and others have been in my online repertoire for years, but whether I've been constantly clicking the links or just discovered them, they've all impacted me positively. So, as a gesture of thanks for reading Positively Present (thank you! thank you! thank you!), I've decided to share them with you...

 

1. Tumblr, Tumblr, Tumblr! Oh, how I heart you! You are my 2010 favorite. 
   
   
2. Jessica's Daily Affirmation. I want to wake up and be just like her every morning. 
   
   
3. Our arms, like leaves... A brilliant quote from Miranda July on You Are Remarkable. 
   
   
4. Joie Magazine. Indie Fixx's magazine all about the joyful art of living. 
   
   
5. Positively Present on Twitter. It's a great way to connect with readers. Thanks for the tweets! 
   
   
6. Scoutie Girl's Creating Action Mini Course. Utterly heartfelt inspiration delivered right to your in-box. 
   
   
7. Perideau Designs. Modern stationary for the young -- and young at heart. I just love her style! 
   
   
8. White Hot Truth. Because self-realization really does rock and site founder Danielle LaPorte knows it.  
   
   
9. Life After College (the book!). It's coming in 2011 and gonna flat-out awesome. Pre-order now! 
   
   
10. Brave Girls Club's How to Be Amazing. No matter what, just be amazing anyway. Excellent advice.
    
    
11. Free downloads on How About Orange, including a Make-Your-Own Owl Calendar. 
    
    
12. Be Yourself. A poem we could all use to remind ourselves that what we are is all we need to be. 
    
    
13. Color Me Katie's banner. The website's pretty great too, but I just love that banner!
    
    
14. Style Statement: Live By Your Own Design. An excellent resource for learning more about yourself. 
    
    
15. Daydream Lily. Some of the most beautiful, inspiring images I've seen. 
    
    
16. Here's the truth... A Kind Over Matter blog post that picked me up just when I needed it. 
    
    
17. Winnie the Pooh's Guide to a Happier Life. He does seem pretty darn happy, doesn't he? 
    
    
18. Pizzazzerie. Want to entertain in style? This is the go-to site for entertaining fabulousness.
    
    
19. Being featured as a Kind Kindred. Yay! It made me happy to be spotlighted on Kind Over Matter. 
    
    
20. Tiny Buddha. Tiny Buddha offers up fantastic wisdom on various topics. Follow on Twitter too. 
    
    
21. Life Through the Lens. Beautiful photographs you can buy on Etsy. Love them. 
    
    
22. Art Pixie. So much more than just design & inspiration...Photos. Fashion. Downloads. And more!
    
    
23. Pugly Pixel's E-course and Tutorials. I particularly enjoyed the preview e-course on Design. 
    
    
24. Art by Kelly O'Connor. Her Disney-inspired pieces inspired me to create collage-like art of my own.
    
    
25. Living in Moment Makes You Happier article. Science proves it! Hooray for living in the present!
    
    
26. GoodReads. I love being able to track (and share!) what I'm reading. If you love books, sign up. 
    
    
27. Wordle. Create cool "word clouds" online using their software. Oddly fun to play around with. 
    
    
28. My post featured on Think Simple Now -- site that inspired me to start Positively Present! 
    
    
29. Life...Your Way Printables. These are super helpful if you want to get (or stay) organized. 
    
    
30. Gifted. A holiday magazine and gift guide that, whether you're shopping or not, is beautiful to look at. 
    
    
31. AOL Muchness article. So excited my blog was mentioned (and called amazing!). 
    
    
32. Amazon. Helped me to find childhood favorites (like Alpha-Bakery and Ed Emerley drawing books). 
    
    
33. GalaDarling. One of my favorite sites, hands down. Fashion. Advice. Sass. All in one great spot! 

 

As I'm sure you can imagine, there are more than 33 links I love, but these are some of my favorites and I hope you have a chance to check some of them out. If you're looking for inspiration, they're certainly some of the best places I'd recommend visiting. I'm grateful to have found them and even more grateful that I have a place here on Positively Present where I can share them with you. I hope they, in some small way, help you to be more positive and more present!

 

What online goodies are you thankful for this Thanksgiving?
Which sites do you return to again and again for inspiration?  

how to create a strong bond with the one you love

(  ♥)

 

“Love is patient; love is kind
 and envies no one.
  Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;  never selfish, not quick to take offense.

 There is nothing love cannot face;
 there is no limit to its faith, 
its hope, and endurance.
  In a word, there are three things 
that last forever: faith, hope, and love, 
 but the greatest of them all is love.”

The Bible

 

I'm fortunate to have some pretty amazing love in my life and it's something I don't, for a second, take for granted. Not everyone is as lucky as I have been when it comes to love and I truly value the time and energy spent on developing a truly loving relationship. Sadly, when it comes to love, there can be a lot of negativity in there. A few weeks ago at my sister's wedding, I heard that famous Letter to the Corinthians, which I've quoted above. Though I've heard it many times, at many weddings (and, of course, in Wedding Crashers), it struck a particular chord with me recently when I realized how much truth resides in those words. 

In order to create a loving and lasting relationship, one must adhere to those principles and focus on them with every passing moment a relationship experiences. As anyone who has been a relationship knows, they aren't all sunshine and rainbows, smiles and happiness. They are hard work sometimes, but I've found that you usually get just about as much as you put into them. If you want to have a strong bond with the one you love, you have to create that bond. And, once you've created it, you have to work on strengthening it all the time. How can you strengthen the bond with the one you love? Here are my suggestions:

  

 

 

1. Be patient and kind. For whatever reason, people often take out their worst emotions on the ones they love, but one of the best (and most obvious) ways to strengthen a bond with a loved one is to be patient and kind with that person. It can be hard, at times, to remember patience and kindness, but those two elements are essential when it comes to maintaining a close bond with a loved one.

2. Avoid extreme selfishness. I'm all for the importance of putting yourself first, but, when it comes to making a true and lasting bond with the one you love stick, it's important to avoid extreme selfishness at all costs. Forming a bond has to be a give and take. You must be willing to put others' needs before your own at times if you want to create a bond that will last a lifetime.

    

3. Do not be rude or boastful. Again, going back to the first point, for some reason people tend to often be rudest to those they love the most. Maybe people think they can get away with it, but, even if you can, rudeness is a surefire way to put stop to forming a close bond with someone you love. If you want to be close, avoid boasting or treating a loved one rudely.

4. Be supportive and avoid envy. There will be times in a loving relationship where one person is more successful or happy than the other. This is normal and this is okay. What's not okay is to be envious of your partner. To create a strong and lasting bond, you must be supportive of the one you love and avoid, at all costs, letting envy take over your emotions.

5. Fill your heart with trust. Many of the biggest issues in many relationships stem from a lack of trust. With all of the various elements life can throw at us, it's not surprising that so many people have issues when it comes to trust. However, if you want to have the best possible bond with the one you love, you must let go of mistrust and open your heart to full and complete trust of one another.  

6. Believe in the power of love. It might sound completely cheesy, but there's a lot of power behind love between two people. It can overcome a great deal -- probably much more than you'd imagine. Love will overcome any negativity -- if you believe in it. To create a strong bond, you have to believe in the love you share and you have to know that, with it, you can deal with all kinds of difficult situations.

7. Celebrate the love you share. Once you've formed a bond with someone, it can be easy to take that love for granted. Don't. Make time to celebrate the love you have in your life and you'll surely continue to increase the bond you share with the one you love. No matter how long it's been since that bond was first created, don't neglect your love. Take time to celebrate it every single day. 
   

I'm really good at doing some of these and, when it comes to others, I could use a little more work and effort on my part. Overall, I know if I focus on cultivating appreciation, gratitude, and respect in my relationship that those things will ultimately lead to a lasting and worthwhile love. So often people find themselves swept up by romance at the beginning of a relationship only to let things fizzle and fade once they grow more comfortable with one another. Often people take it one step further and grow to dislike one another, becoming angry and jealous for little or no reason. It is unfortunate that so many great loves end up turning sour, leaving one or both partners disappointed and unhappy. Many people believe that the initial spark they once felt for another will magically return, but that's not realistic. Real love takes real work and all of the effort one puts into celebrating and working on love is worth it to know that a bond can become unbreakable.

How do YOU create a bond with the one you love? 
What are some things you've done to keep your love strong? 

finding light in the darkness

(  ♥)
 

 "At the darkest moment comes the light."

 Joseph Campbell 

 

For the second time in 2010, this week the people of the Washington, DC-area have had to cope with some major power outages. This time we're not battling the snow and ice, piling on layers and layers of clothes to stay warm; this time we're sweating it out, learning how to cope with extremely high temperatures and no air conditioning. I'll admit, it's been pretty unpleasant, but I'm taking this as another great lesson from Mother Nature, teaching us who have so many comforts in our lives to be grateful. There are so many things I constantly find myself taking for granted. Things like lights and air conditioning and a solid internet connection. And television. God, I never like to think of myself as a TV watcher (I'm much more of a book-reader, I swear), but life without the sound of the television and some of those beloved characters can be pretty rough.

When I'm sitting in my oven-hot apartment and I start to think about the lack of power (and the uncertainty of when it will come back on again), my mind bubbles with annoyance and irritation. I ask questions that I want answers to: When will the power be back on? Why must it be so hot? How can I possibly survive an entire evening without my computer? And what am I to do with myself when the sun sets? Without lights and television, what can I possibly do to entertain myself? My mind is racing and I find negativity creeping in stealthily from every corner. I remind myself of the blackout that took place during the cold, bleak month of February and I force myself to see the reasons why this blackout is better. And yet... frustration overrides all rationalization and I find myself slumped on the floor, back against the couch, complaining about the heat and the lack of constant mental stimulation. I'm bored. I'm hot. I'm irritable.

After finding ways to pass the time that first night (thank god for my iPad, episodes of Modern Family, warm enough weather to walk Bella and witness a beautiful sunset I probably otherwise would have missed, and a boyfriend who's willing to unfold the Scrabble board and pass the time crafting words and tallying points with me), and making it through that first fitful night of sleep without air conditioning, without a fan, and with the consistent panting coming from the overheated dog, I woke to a new day -- a day without power, but a new day nonetheless. And, without warning, I felt an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. Sure, I was drenched in sweat and had no idea how I was going to ready myself for the day in my pitch black bathroom, but I was happy. I realized just how lucky I was to actually have all of these electricity-drive amenities. Even though I might not have had them at the moment, I was incredibly thankful to know that, generally speaking, I have all of the conveniences a privileged life has to offer... I am grateful to have these things, even now, when they are starting to seem like a distant and wonderful dream.
 

. . . I am grateful to have lights that allow me to enjoy my time and post-work activities long after the sun has set.

 

. . . I am grateful to have air conditioning, which allows me to stay cool in the summer and warm in the winter.

 

. . . I am grateful to have traffic lights, the green-yellow-red that makes driving so much easier than I realized.

 

. . . I am grateful to have refrigeration, an amazing concept that keeps my food and drinks cold (and safe!).

 

. . . I am grateful to have a television, which may seem silly to some but provides me with endless entertainment.

 

. . . I am grateful to have the internet, a force that has changed and enhanced my life in so many ways.

 

. . . I am grateful to have outlets, little homes for my chargers and appliances to store energy so that I may use them.

 

. . . I am grateful to have a dishwasher to keep my dishes clean with minimal effort on my part.

 

. . . I am grateful to have an oven and stove to (hope someone else will) heat and bake my favorite foods.

 

. . . I am grateful to have a fan, which cools my bedroom and erases external noises so that I might sleep soundly.

 

. . . I am grateful to have the freedom that comes with being able to plug something in and have it come to life.

Truth be told, it really sucks not having power. It's uncomfortable and unfamilar and nearly everything requires extra thought and preparation. However, it's actually been good for me to experience being without power a few times this year because it's really brought into focus how easily I take advantage of the "givens" around me. I assume, as so many do, that it's a given to have lights and food and water and a safe place to lay my head. But it's not. It's a privlege, not a right, to have these things. Spending so much time with my lights and TV and internet on, I often forget just how lucky I am to have all of these things. This week, the loss of power has brought me back to that point where I can see the benefits of electricity through new eyes and realize how incredibly grateful I ought to be for the things I so often use and think little of. Though I wasn't entirely ungrateful before (after all, the trauma of the blizzard-related outage is only a few months in my past), this week I've learned to really take a good look at the things I have in my life and learn to truly appreciate them. The power outage really made me realize that, no how negative a situation seems, something positive can be taken away from it. This week has served as great reminder that no matter what kind of darkness comes along, there is always an opportunity to find the light. 
 

What aspects of your life are you finding the light in? 
How do you cultivate gratitude in times of darkness?