positively present

achieve happiness by accessing your inner guide

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The following post is a guest post by Brian Tracy, author of No Excuses!: The Power of Self-Discipline. In the post, he shares his advice on how to listen to yourself in order to achieve happiness. The methods outlined below really do work so I'd recommend giving them a shot after reading this post. More information about Brian and his work can be found at www.briantracy.com.

You've heard of Murphy's Law, which says that whatever can go wrong will go wrong. Well, there's another law, which says that left to themselves, things have a tendency to go from bad to worse. When something is making you unhappy, for any reason, the situation will tend to get worse rather than better. So avoid the temptation to engage in denial, to pretend that nothing is wrong, to wish and hope and pray that, whatever it is, it will go away and you won't have to do anything. The fact is that it probably will get worse before it gets better and that ultimately you will need to face the situation and do something about it.

There's an old saying that you can't solve a problem on the level that you meet it. This means that wrestling with a challenge is usually fruitless and frustrating. For example, if two people who are in a relationship together are constantly fighting and negotiating and looking for some way to resolve their difficulties, they're attempting to solve the problem on the wrong level. Dealing with the problem on a higher level, those people would ask the question, "In terms of being happy, is this the right relationship for us in the first place?" As soon as you begin to use happiness as your measure of rightness, you begin to see a situation entirely differently.

Many people work very hard and experience considerable frustration trying to do a particular job. However, in terms of their own happiness, the right answer might be to do something else, or to do what they're doing in a different place, or to do it with different people -- or all three.

Ask Yourself

Following are a few questions for you to answer in this arena of happiness. Many people refuse to even consider these questions because they're afraid that if they do, they won't like the answers. But nevertheless, have the courage to clearly define your life in your own terms. Here are the questions; write them down at the top of a sheet of paper, and then write as many answers to each one as you possibly can.

The first question is: "What would it take for me to be perfectly happy?" Write down every single thing that you can imagine would be in your life if you were perfectly happy at this very moment. Write down things such as health, happiness, prosperity, loving relationships, inner peace, travel, car, clothes, homes, money, and so on. Let your mind run freely. Imagine that you have no limitations at all. Write everything down whether or not you think you have the capacity to acquire it or achieve it in the short term. Your first job is always to be clear about what it would take for you to have your ideal life.

The second question is a little tougher. Write down at the top of a page this question: "In what situations in my life, and with whom, am I not perfectly happy?" Force yourself to think about every part of your day, from morning to night, and write down every element that makes you unhappy or dissatisfied in any way. Remember, proper diagnosis is half the cure. Identifying the problematic situations is the first step to resolving them.

The third question will give you some important guidelines. Write down at the top of a sheet of paper these words: "In looking over my life, where and when have I been the happiest? Where was I, with whom was I, and what was I doing?"

By asking and answering those three questions, you begin to delve deeper and deeper into yourself and your feelings.  You begin to accept your own happiness as a legitimate standard by which to evaluate everyone and everything in your life.  You begin to develop the wisdom, the courage, and the foresight to organize your life in such a way that you become a much happier person.

Once you have the answers to those questions, think about what you can do, starting immediately, to begin creating the kind of life that you dream of. It may take you a week, a month or a year, but that doesn't matter. Every single thing you do that moves you closer to your vision of happiness will be rewarding in itself. You'll become a more positive and optimistic person. You'll feel more confident and more in charge of your life.

Happy vs. Right

And now here's the most important exercise of all. It is from the advice of Dr. Gerald Jampolsky, who asks, "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?" He recommends that you set peace of mind as your highest goal and that you select and organize around it all your other goals in life. You hold up each part of your life to this standard of peace of mind, and you either get into or get out of anything that adds to it or detracts from it.

The most important part in this process of getting in touch with your feelings is to begin to practice solitude on a regular basis. Solitude is the most powerful activity in which you can engage. Men and women who practice it correctly and on a regular basis never fail to be amazed at the difference it makes in their lives.

Most people have never practiced solitude. Most people have never sat down quietly by themselves for any period of time in their entire lives. Most people are so busy being busy, doing something -- even watching television -- that it's highly unusual for them to simply sit, deliberately, and do nothing. But as Catherine Ponder points out, "Men and women begin to become great when they begin to take time quietly by themselves, when they begin to practice solitude." And here's the method you can use.

Method of Solitude

To get the full benefit of your periods of solitude, you must sit quietly for at least 30 to 60 minutes at a time. If you haven't done it before, it will take the first 25 minutes or so for you to stop fidgeting and moving around. You'll almost have to hold yourself physically in your seat. You'll have an almost irresistible desire to get up and do something. But you must persist.

Solitude requires that you sit quietly, perfectly still, back and head erect, eyes open, without cigarettes, candy, writing materials, music or any interruptions whatsoever for at least 30 minutes. An hour is better.

Become completely relaxed, and breathe deeply. Just let your mind flow. Don't deliberately try to think about anything. The harder you "don't try," the more powerfully it works. After 20 or 25 minutes, you'll begin to feel deeply relaxed. You'll begin to experience a flow of energy coming into your mind and body. You'll have a tremendous sense of well-being. At this point, you'll be ready to get the full benefit of these moments of contemplation.

The incredible thing about solitude is that if it is done correctly, it works just about 100 percent of the time. While you're sitting there, a stream, a river, of ideas will flow through your mind. You'll think about countless subjects in an uncontrolled stream of consciousness. Your job is just to relax and listen to your inner voice. At a certain stage during your period of solitude, the answers to the most pressing difficulties facing you will emerge quietly and clearly, like a boat putting in gently to the side of a lake. The answer that you seek will come to you so clearly and it will feel so perfect that you'll experience a deep sense of gratitude and contentment. You may get several answers in one period of quiet sitting. But in any case, you'll get the answer to the most important situation facing you every single time.

When you arise from this period of quiet, you must do exactly what has come to you. It may involve dealing with a human situation. It may involve starting something or quitting something. Whatever it is, when you follow the guidance that you received in solitude, it will turn out to be exactly the right thing to do. Everything will be OK. And it will usually work out far better than you could have imagined. Just try it and see.

That brings us to the final point on getting in touch with your feelings: You must learn to trust yourself. You must learn to take time to listen to your emotions and your feelings as to what makes you happy or unhappy, as to what feels right or wrong. You must absolutely trust that what is right for you is the right thing to do. You must never compromise on what your inner voice tells you to do. You must never go against what you feel to be correct. You must develop the habit of listening to yourself and then acting on the guidance you receive.

When you listen to yourself and act on what you hear inside, you are setting out on the road to personal greatness. For more on this, read "Accessing Your Inner-Guidance Part One".

© 2010 Brian Tracy, author of No Excuses! The Power of Self-Discipline.

Author Bio

Brian Tracy, author of No Excuses!: The Power of Self-Discipline, was born in eastern Canada in 1944 and grew up in California. After dropping out of high school, he traveled and worked his way around the world, eventually visiting eighty countries on six continents. His extensive personal studies in business, sales, management, marketing, and economics enabled him to become the head of a $265 million company before he turned his attention to consulting, training, and personal development. He is now the president of three companies with operations worldwide. He is married, has four children, and lives in San Diego, California. For more information, please visit www.briantracy.com and follow the author on Facebook and Twitter.

a surefire method for experiencing joy

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“You don’t have the power to make life 'fair,' 
 but you do have the power to make life joyful.”

Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Today's post was written by Dr. Srikumar Rao, the author of Happiness at Work: Be Resilient, Motivated, and Successful -- No Matter What. To read more about this book and my experience with it, check out the post I wrote about his book and what I learned from it by clicking here. More information about Dr. Rao can be found at the end of this post. 

Galileo got it wrong. The earth does not revolve around the sun. It revolves around you and has been doing so for decades. At least, this is the model you are using. You live in a "me-centered" world in which you interpret everything that happens in terms of "What is it's impact on me." Your spouse gets a great job offer and you wonder what effect this will have on your relationship. Your daughter drops out of high school to begin an in-depth exploration of controlled substances and you wonder what your friends will think about your parenting. Your boss leaves the company and you wonder whether you will be promoted or what your relations will be with the next person to take that position.

You are constantly preoccupied with "me" and what you like and what others think of you and why things aren't going your way. It reminds me of the joke about the gorgeous girl who spoke about herself endlessly and then tried to make amends "But enough about me. Lets talk about you. Tell me what you like about me." Do you think I am exaggerating? That this is certainly not true of you because you are a concerned citizen and care about the environment and poverty and have actually campaigned against land mines? Oh, Yes, Victoria. This is true of YOU, yes you!

Think back on the last few conversations you had with a good friend. Did you sometimes lose thread of what your friend was saying because you were busy crafting the perfect response in your head? Have you ever been introduced to a person and, ten seconds later, forgotten his/her name? Go back in time and recall the most boring class you took in college. Do you, or do you not, remember the one time you made a comment that was brilliant -- or at least you thought it was.

Here is something for you to know -- if you live the vast majority of your time in a "me-centered" universe, then you are going to get more than your share of depression, angst, sorrow and all of the things that make life terrible. That's just the way it is. If you want to experience joy in your life, you have to be able to step outside yourself and become part of a cause that is much larger than you; one that brings a greater good to a greater community. You have tremendous flexibility in defining both the greater good and the greater community. If you don't succeed in this, then you will continue to pull that heavy wagon up the mountain and despite the fact that you are pulling it, it will somehow run over your foot.

Try this experiment -- the next time you have a conversation with a good friend, do not use the words "I", "me" or "my". This simple device prevents your from expressing your opinion and many are astonished both by how difficult it is and by how much the depth of listening goes up when you are no longer preoccupied by thinking of what you are going to say. Now try another experiment. Try living for a week in an "other centered" universe. In this universe others are not put in this world to serve your needs so you cannot legitimately get frustrated by the elderly lady ahead of you on the checkout lane who takes forever to put her change away or the stout man who stands in the aisle of the plane blocking you while he removes his magazine from his bag and tries vainly to stow it in an overhead bin that is patently too crammed to accept it.

See what you can do to serve others. Smile cheerily at the elderly lady. Point out to the stout man that the bins further on are empty and offer to put his bag there as you move on. What is it that you can do to brighten their day somewhat? Have you ever had a random encounter that was so refreshing that it made your day? I was on a message board yesterday admiring a comment made by a reader about a rant posted by another. It was a very reasoned statement that pointed out the flaw in the ranter's reasoning and asking why he felt compelled to say what he did. Another reader jumped in and said something to the effect that "Without saying anything on the merits of the case I really like the way in which you responded to his post. Thanks for keeping civility in the debate." With this opening others chimed in as well and she replied with a heartfelt "Thank you" and that this had made her day.

The same thing has happened to you many times. Perhaps the stranger who cracked jokes and kept everyone upbeat in the slow-moving line. Perhaps the jovial taxi driver who told you that you were looking really gorgeous when you were feeling bedraggled after a five time zone flight. Perhaps the salesman in the clothing store who told you that you looked really handsome in that suit and you knew that he was not merely trying to make a sale.

Do the same yourself. Deliberately, each day, do something to make someone's day. Plan it. Exercise your creativity. This is one of the exercises in my program and I am amazed at what participants come up with when they set their minds to it. An executive in a European city saw a group of foreign students anxiously counting change to see if they had enough for train fare and anonymously bought tickets for all of them by putting it on his credit card and instructing the ticket attendant to run the charge. He said he hadn't felt that good for years.

So make someone's day, every day. Strangers, colleagues, friends, parents, your spouse, children, relatives -- even the ones you don't particularly care for!! -- and all fellow travelers on this spaceship we call Earth. Do it deliberately. Invest emotional energy in making it happen. Do it anonymously whenever you can. Don't expect thanks -- what you do and the opportunity you have to be of service is its own reward.

© 2010 Srikumar Rao, author of Happiness at Work: Be Resilient, Motivated, and Successful -- No Matter What

Author Bio

Srikumar S. Rao is the author of Happiness at Work: Be Resilient, Motivated, and Successful -- No Matter What (Published by McGraw-Hill). He conceived "Creativity and Personal Mastery," the pioneering course that was among the most popular and highest rated at many of the world's top business schools. It remains the only such course to have its own alumni association. His work has been covered by major media including the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, the Financial Times, Time, Fortune, BusinessWeek, the London Times, the Guardian and the Daily Telegraph. CNN, PBS, and Voice of America, and dozens of radio and TV stations have interviewed him. Please visit www.srikumarsrao.com for more information. You can also follow him on Twitter @srikumarsrao, join the happiness community on Facebook: Facebook | Srikumar Rao, and watch his videos on the McGraw-Hill YouTube Channel. 

make a positive mindset your favorite accessory

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“Sometimes you need the right accessory,” she said.

And I said, “I know...

Sometimes it takes me an hour to pick the right head.”

And she just ignored me.

Story People

I love fashion and, in particular, I love accessories. So when I read this quote (sent to me by my great friend Abbey), it grabbed my attention immediately. And when I got to the part about choosing the right head, I sat back in my chair and stared at the words. Picking the right head every morning, like an accessory, is an interesting concept. What if we had an assortment of mindsets, or “heads,” laid out before us every morning? What if we had the option to choose what head we would wear for the day? I’m pretty sure if that were the case, most of us wouldn’t be reaching for the angry or unhappy mindsets, thinking, “Oh, today I think I’d love to be really angry. I’m going to put on this angry head today.” No, I think if all of our various mindsets were laid out before us, we’d probably go for a happy mind, a peaceful mind, or an easy-going mind. I’m pretty sure most people would go for a positive mindset if given a choice to slip it on as if it were an accessory. 

Do you want to know the truth? We can wear different heads, different minds, just like accessories. Just like heading to your closet for a pair of shoes or a colorful scarf, you can reach into your mind and pull out the mindset that sets the tone for your day. I remember, as a child, loving the movie Annie. Though I can’t say I remember all that much of it now, I do recall a scene when Annie sings, “You’re never fully dressed without a smile.” As I grew older, I recall thinking that was the cheesiest thing I’d ever heard. You’re never fully dressed without a smile? Puh-leeze. As a teenager and college student, a smile was the least of my concerns when it came to dressing. 

But not anymore. Now I realize that a good attitude -– a happy head -– is the best accessory you can put on when you start your day. Cheesy as it might be, Annie was right; no matter what you’re wearing, you’re never fully dressed without a smile. That being said, it’s not always easy to wake up and start your day with a positive attitude. Sometimes we have good reasons for being angry or unhappy. Sometimes we just plain don’t feel like waking up. Whatever the reason might be, starting off the day by screwing on the right head might not be easy, but it is important. 

Just like choosing the right accessory can significantly impact an outfit (in a good or a bad way), so can your attitude significantly impact your day. Overall, I think changing your attitude is the best thing you can do for your life, but looking at it as an overall lifestyle change can be really overwhelming at times. For that reason, it’s often a good idea to focus on changing your attitude on a day-to-day basis. Don’t think about changing your attitude forever. Think about changing it today. Think of it as an accessory – something you can put on now but take off later if you hate it. I guarantee that if you choose a happy mindset, you’ll see such great changes in your day that you’ll want to put on that happy head again the next day and, before you know it, your happy mindset will become your favorite accessory, like a comfy pair of tennis shoes or a cozy pair of mittens. Before you know it, you won’t want to take your happy head off, no matter what’s going on with the rest of your life. You’ll find a way – just like people often do with their favorite accessories – to wear your happy mindset with everything, to repair it when it gets worn down, to lend it to a friend in need. It will, in time, become your favorite thing and you will not be able to imagine what you ever wore before. 

Getting used to a new, positive mindset can be tricky so take it one day at a time. Wake up every morning and remind yourself that you’re going to choose to have a happy head. Get out of bed every day and tell yourself that, even if it’s just for today, you’re going to accessorize with happiness. Without even realizing it, if you choose happiness every day, your life’s wardrobe will become saturated with positivity and it will no longer feel like something you have to choose. Just like when you have a pair of shoes that you always go for because they are the most comfortable, your positive attitude will be so comfortable that you’ll grab it off the shelf without even thinking about it. 

So, go on, take a look in that closet of yours and choose happiness. Starting today, look in the mirror, and make the decision to beautify your life with positivity. If you make the choice every single day to put on your happy head, soon that positive mindset will be as comfortable and as familiar as your favorite accessory. 

How do you strive to make positivity your favorite accessory? 
What do you each morning to start your day off positively? 

how to be a kid again

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 "That’s the real problem with the world; too many people grow up. 
 They forget. They don’t remember what it’s like to be twelve years old again."

Walt Disney 

Today's post was written by Diggy, creator of Upgrade Reality, which is one of my very favorite sites to visit. If you haven't had a chance to stop by his site and learn some great self improvement tips, I would highly recommend doing so. If you want to learn more about personal development, Upgrade Reality is the place to go!

We enter this world as a tiny little baby, with no ability to support ourselves. If we are lucky, then loving parents help us grow up and guide us through our childhood until we are able to take care of ourselves. As little kids, we can be amused by the smallest things like little dolls, plastic toys, swings or cartoons. We spend hours playing in the snow, building lego or going round and round the merrygoround. There is not a worry or care in the world and time just flies by. Then school finishes... 

Maybe we go to college or university or maybe we have to find a job and start working. Either way, at this stage of our lives, the responsibilities start piling up. Maybe very lightly at first, but as the years go on, they become heavier. We get sucked up into the real world, with work and stress. Deadlines, projects, tasks, impossible chores. Some of us can go through life without taking anything seriously, and some of us just become a slave of our own prisons (jobs, homes, relationships or whatever it may be). 

We Forget What It's Like To Have Fun 

We forget what it's like to be a kid and have fun the way that they do. Maybe we think that it is no longer possible to have that care-free fun. Sometimes when we happen to see kids in the playground or having fun with their friends, it reminds us of those days when we were kids, and we wish that we could have fun like that again. I think that it is entirely possible to have that carefree fun without a worry in the world the way that kids seem to have it when they are playing. I also think it is wise to realize that you do not really want to be a kid again. 

What you want is your life right now, the way you live it, but with a bit of that carefree fun like when you were a kid. I wrote this post because recently I have experienced a few of those moments where I spent hours being amused with small little things and it made me feel like a little kid again, carefree and not a worry in the world. It snowed. Yep, everything was covered in a thick layer of white powdery stuff. Since I live in South Africa, it never happens that there is snow in the street, and it was a couple years since I had been in the snow. I spent hours making and throwing snowballs, building snowmen, tackling down other snowmen and just walking in the snow.

4 Ways To Have Loads of Fun 

For those of you who live in the snow and see it all the time, it may not be the thing that is going to let you feel like a kid again. But don't think that you are too old to do that kind of thing. If you want some more ideas of things that you can go out and do right now to have fun and be like a kid again, try some of these on for size: 
 

• Fireworks: For the little pyromaniac inside you. Blow things up, enjoy the loud noises or simply set the sky on fire with sparkles, colors and pretty explosions. In most countries this is only allowed once a year on New Year's eve. 

• Amusement Parks: The ones you used to go to as a kid, with rollercosters and all sorts of fun rides. I'm willing to take a guess that you haven't been to an amusement park in years?! Go with your girlfriend or boyfriend or even with a whole group of friends. There is food, music, entertainment and lots of fun rides. You'll have a blast. 

• Sand Castles: The beach can be fun again too. Dig a whole, build a sandcastle or a fort and try not to let your friends destroy it while you are building it. 

• Paintball: It does not matter if you have never shot a gun before or that you don't think you would make a good soldier. Paintball is crazy fun for people of pretty much all ages, boys and girls. Get a whole group of friends and find a place that offers paintball games. Sometimes it's in a forest, sometimes a building, sometimes the dunes. Enjoy shooting your enemies and covering their clothes in paint splatter. 

Today I Will Have Fun

I don't want you to avoid your responsibilities, or hide from them. Be an adult and do your work, chores and be responsible for your own actions. What I am saying is that every once in a while you set a day for yourself where you are going to go out and have fun. On that day, you are not going to worry about anything, and you are just going to have fun with the people you care about. Indulge yourself fully in the activity that you are doing and enjoy it to the max. A day like this will break up any stress or worries for a while and help you to focus on your work better. This way you get the most out of your entire situation. Enjoy life and have fun. 

This post was written by Diggy. Diggy writes about personality development at his blog UpgradeReality. If you are looking for motivation, inspiration or useful tips to live a better life, subscribe to his articles via RSS or Email.

3 steps to stay positive by living in the present

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“The past is history, 
the future is a mystery, 
but today is a gift.
That’s why it’s called
the present.”

Unknown

While I'm recovering from my weekend away in South Carolina, today you have the privilege of a guest post by Greg Blencoe, a life coach who publishes the Positive Waves Baby blog. His blog focuses on better living through the law of attraction, spirituality, and self-improvement.  To learn more about Greg, you can visit the "100 Things about Me" page on his blog. Greg has found that a large portion of the negativity in his life was due to dwelling in the past or focusing on the future (me too, Greg!). He is most positive when living in the present, and has provided us with three great steps for staying positive by living in the present moment. 

Step 1: Let Go of the Past by Forgiving

I just turned 36 a little over a month ago. Fortunately, I am now emotionally clear with most of my issues from my past. However, well into my 30s, I was carrying around far too much heavy negative emotional baggage. As I’m writing this, it’s almost unbelievable that I harbored negative feelings about several issues for an entire decade or two. The amount of time that I completely wasted is almost unfathomable to me. And while I wouldn’t say that these negative feelings dominated my life, I am certain they held me back and kept me from realizing my full potential.

Around the time I turned 30, I started to realize that the more things I let go that were bothering me, the happier I became. While this definitely does not mean I stopped holding people accountable, I found that no problems were solved by my feeling this way. I was only hurting myself. Basically, over the past six years, I have learned to choose my battles.

Most (and perhaps all) of the time, the process of letting go of the past has involved either forgiving myself or forgiving others. I have had to forgive myself for feeling like I wasn’t good enough, poor decisions that I made, not standing up for what was right, etc. And although looking back in the grand scheme of things none of what happened would probably be considered a big deal by other people, it mattered a lot to me for many years so I had to come to terms with it.

I also had to forgive other people.  Actually, this might not be correct. In my situation, perhaps what I really had to do was forgive myself for the expectations that I put on these people. Looking back, the real problem was that I wanted various people to act a certain way and they didn’t. Therefore, I had to let go of the fantasy of what could of or should have been.

Step 2: Focus Less on the Future

Another significant source of negativity in my life is when I focus too much on the future. Let me say upfront that I am definitely an advocate of having goals, a vision of where you want to go, etc. I deeply believe that you must first create in your mind before it becomes true in the physical world. Therefore, I would classify focusing on the future in this way as very positive. On the other hand, I view the fear, worry, constantly playing out countless scenarios, etc. associated with excessively focusing on the future in a negative manner to be a big problem. 

Since I was 18, my life has taken so many unexpected twists and turns. A lot of this is just because of who I am.  I have really enjoyed moving around and being involved in various projects. However, life still has a way of surprising us which can make long-term planning a bit difficult. And today things seem to be changing at a much faster pace than before.

Just think about how much the world has changed in the past five years. Where were blogs, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, text messages, etc. just five years ago?  And yet now they are a huge part of our lives.  I can only imagine what technologies will revolutionize our lives in 2015 that either haven’t been invented or most of us don’t even know exist right now. 

Therefore, with so many variables, focusing too much on the future seems like a waste of time and energy. This is especially true when excessive worry and fear is involved. At some point, you are much better off focusing on taking action to prevent what you are worried about or fear happening in the future.

Step 3: Have a “Dominate the Day” Mindset

While I always learn from the past and have a general idea of where I’m going in the future, my main focus is on living in the present. And I do this by having a “Dominate the Day” mindset. To be completely honest, I adopted this mindset out of frustration. I am the type of person that can play out countless future scenarios in my head.  While a little bit of this is necessary and productive, too much inevitably leads to unproductive worry and fear. I got so tired of making frequent trips to negative town that I decided to adopt the “Dominate the Day” mindset.

The idea is that I almost completely focus on what I can do that day in order to accomplish my longer-term goals. I do my best to not worry about tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year. Instead, I focus on doing everything I can that day to get where I want to be. While this may sound strange, it’s almost like life is a video game and I’m trying to get the highest score that I can on that day. And then I get up the next day and do it again. It has been very liberating to free myself of worrying too much about the future.

I want to make it very clear that I’m not saying that never thinking about the future is the right way to go. The purpose is to eliminate an unproductive focus on the future. While this will vary from person to person, I would guess that 80% of the time I used to spend thinking about the future was at the very least unproductive and, more likely, counterproductive. The point is to instead utilize this time much more effectively by taking productive action.

Final Thought

The strategy behind the “Dominate the Day” mindset comes from something a good friend of mine once told me: “When you take care of the minutes, the hours take care of themselves.”

This post was written by Greg Blencoe, a life coach who publishes the Positive Waves Baby blog, which discusses better living through the law of attraction, spirituality, and self-improvement. Check out his site for more great insights! 

progress: the foundation of happiness

 

This weekend I'm traveling to a friend's wedding in South Carolina, but I'm pleased to share with you today a guest post by Kevin Incorvia. He's been a monk, a track coach, and a successful businessman and blogs daily about the topics of spirituality and personal development. Kevin is also working on a book and you can learn more about that, as well as pick up a copy of his free eBook Escape from Paradigm Island, by visiting his blog. You can also follow him on Twitter @kevinincorvia.

 

The phone rings, and you get a tense feeling in your stomach. "This is it," you think to yourself. You knew you'd get a call about the job and in a few moments you are going to know whether your life has changed forever, or not. Maybe years from now you will tell people that this was the best day of your life! Hold on a second.  Does anyone really want the best days of their life to be behind them?

 

When I was living as a monk around the age of 21, there was a period of 2 months or so when every subsequent day was the new best day of my life. It's a time when most kids are celebrating their coming of age with nights out at the bar. I was living with a relatively small group of men on 1,500 acres of forest. No internet, no tv, no computers, for a year. I went to bed and woke up early ever day, did daily meditation, and got lots of vigorous exercise. Inside, I didn't just feel in-tune and in-touch, I was. Every day my heart grew in love and appreciation. Life was bliss.

While I still enjoy those kind of days, that was a remarkable time for me, and the fact that I was growing every day was of no trivial point. Psychologists have generally come to a consensus that successfully attaining goals (think progress) is the key to developing a sense of well-being. If we can say that happiness depends on progress, so does life. When we look around us we see that life is constantly evolving. Plants grow out of the ground towards the sun, animals seek nourishment that will sustain and enrich them, the planets move quietly in their orbits leaving behind whatever existence they knew before. It seems that no one or no thing would be happy knowing that their best days were behind them.

 

The point is that if we want to be happy (this is after all our goal) we must be constantly progressing in our happiness. But, making progress isn't always as easy as we want it to be. Humans have a remarkable ability to maintain a relatively stable level of happiness even through major goal accomplishments and difficult times. Psychologists call this hedonic adaptation. We've all experienced this. Maybe you got a raise and you were thrilled. Then a few months later you realized that you were in the same boat mentally and emotionally as you were before the raise. If we are serious about our happiness we have to make a serious commitment to progress.

There are several ways that we can commit to progress. Here are some tips, not "tips on how to be happy," but rather three practical things you can do that will unlock happiness in your life:

1. Recognize that it's easier to handle your internal growth than your external growth. It's important to progress, but if we are to make a commitment to progress we have to know in what direction we want to grow. When you answer that call about the new job you have no control over what the other person is going to say. What we can control is our self mentally, physically, and spiritually. By prioritizing internal progress over outer progress we are picking the quickest route to the destination of happiness.
   

2. Develop your creativity. Even though we've decided we want to commit to internal growth we still have to be smart about how we do that. I'm a firm believer in the fact that lack of happiness comes from the lack of the ability to fulfill one's desires. In order to more quickly and effortlessly fulfill our desires we need to become more creative. When we are more creative we develop a broader vision capable of seeing past the obstacles that impede progress. How do we develop creativity? One way is to continually make an effort to try new things. Research has shown that people that are more open minded are more readily able to take advantage of life's opportunities as they present themselves to us; some call this luck. My business professor in college felt so strongly about the value that life experience plays in solving problems that he went as far as giving business ideas to the students for business plan writing classes.  He knew that we ourselves were inadequately prepared to guess what challenges businessmen would face on the road ahead.  With this in mind, develop a habit of trying the new dish or taking the different route. Taking art or dance lessons are also fabulous ways to exercise the creative side of your mind.
   

3. Find ways to remove stress from your life. Whether it be meditation, yoga, or whatever, you need to find a way to remove stress from your life. Maybe it's a daily walk in the park to get some fresh air, or a nap time. Stress has a way of limiting our ability to see opportunities that arise, preventing us from progressing. It clouds our vision, narrows our focus, and limits our ability to have meaningful relationships.

When we do these three things, several things happen:

• We attend to the moment. Yes we may have some long term goals that we are working with but when we focus on progress we attend to the short term requirements. We become process rather than goal orientated.  This is being in the present.
  

• We realize repeated successes. We quickly develop the habit of being more successful. Being more successful means greater positivity. And I don't have to tell you the virtues of being Positively Present, do I? Make these three things a priority in your life and you will be on your way to being more progressive and therefore fulfilled.

The fantastic post you just read was a guest post by Kevin Incorvia. If you liked what you read here, you should check out his site, where he blogs daily about the topics of spirituality and personal development.  For even more Kevin, follow him on Twitter @kevinincorvia.

choose happiness: 5 steps to train yourself to be positive

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."
Herm Albright

Even for someone like me, who thinks about and writes about positivity on an almost daily basis, being positive is not easy. When I think of the world, I still sometimes  see it through a negative perspective, focusing on the bad and ignoring the good -- especially when things aren't going the way I'd hoped they would. As I've been struggling with this lately, I've been reminding myself that it really is possible to change my perspective. About a year ago, I decided I was going to make a change in my life. I was going to start looking for the good, seeking the positive, and striving to make every day a joyful experience. This was something I would have never imagined myself doing, but it's something that has impacted my life every single day since then. 

I’ve had to do a lot to get to where I am right now, and I still believe I have a long way to go. I’m not searching for any particular end point, however. All I want is to be happy, to live a life that focuses more on the good than the bad (though I do believe you need both to have a happy life). On this road -- this twisting, turning road to happiness -- there have been many ups and downs. There have been challenges. There have been inspirations. There have been many amazing experiences that I never would have had if I had not made this first choice -- the choice to live a positive life. 

Recently, as I struggle to be positive about certain situations in my life, I’ve been giving some serious thought to how I transformed my outlook from negative-focused to positive-focused. (Note: I don’t always see the good. Like everyone, I have good days and bad days, but, for the most part, there has been a BIG shift in my attitude over the past year). Though I have to admit that there are many, many factors involved in my personal development -- such as my therapist, the countless books and blogs I read, creating my blog, and surrounding myself with happy, supportive people -- I can say that, at the most basic level, choosing to be positive has helped me the most in terms of becoming the person I want to be. When I think back on my transformation now, I recognize that the following five steps are the best ways to begin stumbling down that path to positivity.

 
Train Yourself to be Positive in 5 Steps
 

Step One:
Believe Happiness is a Choice

For me, this was a hard one at first. I thought that people were either unhappy or happy (and I was one of the unhappy ones). I used to blame this on all kinds of outside forces –- fate, experiences, parents, relationships –- but never really stopped to think that I could choose to be happy. Sure, this isn’t always easy (in fact, for me, it can be very, very hard sometimes), but it is always, always an option. Teaching myself to believe that happiness is a choice has been one of the greatest things I’ve ever done for myself. Now when I find myself in a bad situation, I know that it’s up to me to find the good, to be happy regardless of what’s happening around me. I am no longer pointing fingers, placing blame. I realize that everything happens how it happens and it’s up to me to choose how I want to feel about it. I am in control of my happiness level and no one can take that away from me.

 

Step Two:
Rid Your Life of Negativity

If you want to live a positive, joyful life, you cannot –- absolutely CANNOT -– be surrounded by negative people who are not encouraging your happiness. As a negative person, I tended to attract negative people. When I decided to make the change to live a more positive life, I had to rid my life of all of the negative people in it. This, as you can imagine, wasn’t easy. Getting rid of people hurts -– even when you know they aren’t good for you or your current lifestyle. Not only did I have to get rid of the negative people, but I also had to get rid of the negative things too. I had to stop doing certain things that were causing negativity in my life. I had to take a step back and examine which behaviors were good for me and which were not. I learned to focus on the positive things I was doing and let go of the negative ones. This process was not easy and, to be honest, is still on-going, but I know this: having negativity in your life prevents you from living a truly positive existence.

 

Step Three:
Look For the Positive in Life

There is positive in everything. In every person, in every situation, there is something good. Most of the time it’s not all that obvious. We have to look. And sometimes we have to look hard. The old me was content to sit back and just glance around. If I saw negative, I went with that feeling. I didn’t want to look harder or think too much about the good. I found it much, much easier to sit back and just accept what I saw (which was usually the bad). Now, when I’m faced with a difficult or challenging situation, I think to myself, “What is good about this?” No matter how terrible the situation might seem, I always can find something good if I take the time to think about it. Everything –- good and bad -– is a learning experience so, at the very least, you can learn from bad experiences. However, there’s usually even more to it than that. If you really take the time to look, you will usually find something good, something really positive, about every person or situation.

 

Step Four:
Reinforce Positivity in Yourself

Once I started thinking more positively, I realized I had to reinforce these thoughts and behaviors in myself so they would stick. As with any sort of training, practice makes perfect, and, yes, you can practice being positive. The best and easiest way to do this is to be positive when it comes to who you are. Tell yourself you’re awesome. Tell yourself you look good. Tell yourself you did an awesome job at work or raising your kids or whatever it is you do. Be honest with yourself, but do your best to look for the good. And, whatever you do, don’t focus on the negative. Nothing good can come of telling yourself that your butt’s too big or your latest career goal wasn’t met. It’s okay to not like everything about yourself, but don’t focus on the negative. Remind yourself of the good in you. We all have positive attributes and it’s up to you to remind yourself of them every day.

 

Step Five:
Share Positivity with Others

Not only do you need to be positive with yourself for this training to really take effect, but you need to be positive with others. You have to share your wealth of positivity with the world. The best way I’ve found to do this is quite simple and basic: be nice. Be nice to other people, no matter what. Tell someone s/he looks nice today. Tell someone they did a great job on that presentation. Tell your parents or children (or both!) how much you love them and how great they are. When someone is feeling down, do what you can to cheer him or her up. Send flowers. Write notes. Don’t gossip. Be kind to all living things. All of these things sound basic enough, but, for someone like me, they didn’t used to come easily. I never wanted to see the good in myself and, therefore, didn’t want to see it in others either. I used to be critical and condescending. Now I strive to be encouraging and supportive. I try not only to treat others as I would like to be treated, but also to consider how they would like to be treated. People appreciate positivity and the more you are sharing it with others, the more you are practicing it and reinforcing it in your own life.

 

When you start feeling like the idea of being a positive person is daunting, tell yourself this: "Dani, someone who really used to struggle with a negative attitude, turned her life around with these five steps and I can too!" If anyone had told me a few  years ago that I would be writing an article about being positive, I would have laughed right in their face. I would have said, “Why in the world would someone want me to write about positivity?” But here I am, writing this post, believing in these words, and knowing that every single day I am getting closer and closer to living the positive life I’ve secretly dreamed of living. If I can do it, you can do it. Believe in yourself and remember the most important lesson of all… a positive outlook is a choice. Choose to be positive. 

How do you strive to be positive in your life?
What could I add to this post about training for a positive life?

a celebration of spring: 13 ways to enjoy the weather

 (♥) 

"the seasons have changed & the days are getting longer. we wake up to the sunlight & go to bed with the warmth of the season filtering in through open window screens. the seasons change, we change. we grow, we move on. we learn new things each day; ways to be better people, ways in which we are strong, ways that hurt. each day we are given a chance to start new, to dissolve past regrets, to become the person we truly want to be. we are incredible creatures & we exist for a reason. each & every one of us. it may take years, decades, to discover this reason but it’s there! it’s there. perhaps it’s like love, we only find it hidden when we stop searching. it comes to us. we are incredible creatures, never forget that."  You Are Remarkable

 

For those of you living in America, Saturday was the official start of spring. Where I live it's really starting to feel like springtime (which isn't always the case this time of year) and it's wonderful! Though summer will always be my favorite time of year, I hold a special place in my heart for spring because it means that in only a few short months summer will arrive, and this weekend I had a chance to take in the beautiful weather and enjoy the beginning of a new season. As I was indulging in the elements of spring, I got to thinking about the best ways to enjoy this time of year. Where I come from, spring can be short-lived. It sometimes seems like one minute it's winter and the next it's summer. So, for me, it's important that I take advantage of this time of year while it lasts. Here are some ideas I came up with for enjoying the spring-y weather: 

13 Ways to Enjoy Spring
 

1. Take a long walk. It's just enough this time of year to get out of the house and enjoy the breeze and the sunshine. This weekend I took a few walks with my dog, Bella, and it was wonderful. So many things were budding and blooming and I never would have seen them from the confines of my apartment. 

2. Set up a picnic. I can't remember the last time I had a picnic (or if I ever have had one?), but it sounds like a wonderful, spring-y idea. What's better than eating outdoors with the sun beating down and warming you? I can't think of much else that would fill me with joy the way that would. Grab a basket and a blanket and hit the park to take it all in. 

3. Look for signs of spring. Living in the moment is still a struggle for me sometimes so it really helps to be reminded of what's happening around me. The best way to do this is to pay attention. When I open my eyes and look around I see that spring is bursting all around me. It seems like yesterday there was snow everywhere and now this -- flowers, green, a warm breeze! -- and I fully intend to take it all in. 

4. Wear flip-flops. Nothing puts me in the mood for spring like a great pair of well-worn flip-flops. When I recently brought them out of my closet and slipped them on, I instantly felt like it was spring again. There is nothing so spring-y as putting flip-flops on again and realizing that every month that passes for awhile will be warmer and warmer and warmer... 

5. Open your windows. For the first time in a long, long time, I unwound the blinds and pushed open the windows this weekend. It was wonderful to be there, writing and feeling the springtime air on my arms and face. It was wonderful to hear the birds chirping so cheerfully, calling out to one another. 

6. Snap photos of the season. You can always capture a great moment -- and a great season -- by bringing your camera out. Taking photos not only helps you to remember the sun-streaked memories of spring, but it also helps you to be more present. When you're taking pictures, you're looking at everything with a new perspective, which will help you stay focused on enjoying the spring moments. 

7. Sit outside at a restaurant. Around here, restaurants are beginning to set up their outdoor gear. If that's happening near you, take advantage of that! It's not all year that you can sit outside (at least not where I live) so it's really great when it's once again an option to dine al fresco. If you have the choice between sitting inside or sitting outside, go for the fresh weather to make your meal even better. 

8. Engage in spring cleaning. I know for most people this doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun, but even if you don't enjoy organizing things, you'll feel great once you've gone through your stuff, sorted everything, and gotten rid of the things you don't need. For some tips on organizing, check out this post: "The Best Ways to Organize Your Living Space (and Your Life)".

9. Buy (or bring out) a fun, new outfit. Now I know purchasing things isn't supposed to make us happy, but it does feel great to wear something very spring-like that you never could have worn in the winter. Once the weather gets warm, it's so fun to bring out an outfit you had packed away for the winter or, if you can, buy something new that will inspire you all season long. 

10. Pay attention to nature. In our busy lives, it can be hard to really pay attention to nature. How many times do you zone-out on your commute to work and not look around? How often to do you rush through your errands without so much as a glance to what's happening around you? This spring, start looking around and you'll be surprised by what you find. Nature is entering into a new phase and it's pretty cool to watch. 

11. Visit the zoo or park. To get an even better look at what's happening with nature, take a visit to your local zoo or park. If you have an opportunity to check out how much animals (or other people) are enjoying the spring weather, take it. It's inspiring to see other beings getting into the change of seasons and you'll find yourself even more excited when you see their enthusiasm. 

12. Go for a drive. Sometimes one of the best ways to take in the world is from the space behind the steering wheel. There is something about the rush of the road and the swirling of wind in your hair that really allows you to be into the moment. When spring has arrived, there is something amazing about a nice, long drive. Take one and see how you feel... 

13. Celebrate with friends. If you're going to enjoy the season, you might as well celebrate it! Invite some friends over to get into the season with you. There's nothing quite like being surrounded with your friends to bring out the best in any season. Celebrate the spring! 

Spring is the gateway to summer and I'm so happy that it's finally arrived. The more I think about it, the more I realize that there are many, many more ways to enjoy spring. I'd love to hear about them so feel free to share your springtime ideas in the comments section...

  How are you taking advantage of spring? 
What are your favorite ways to enjoy the season? 

the three shades of happiness

 (♥)  

"We all live with the objective of being happy;
our lives are all different and yet the same."

Anne Frank

Happiness is clearly a topic I like to think about a lot. I write about it nearly every day in some form on my blog. I contemplate it constantly in my daily activities, always looking for new sources of inspiration for myself and my readers. As the author of a blog focusing on positivity and living a happier life, I’ve done quite a bit of reading on happiness and I’ve discovered something very interesting amid all that I’ve observed:

There are many shades of happiness.

Happiness is not black or white. It’s not “I’m happy” or “I’m unhappy.” Happiness, in my opinion, is one of those things that can fall anywhere from the deepest happiness and inner peace to the slight increase of happiness when one looks at a pleasant image. There are so many kinds of happiness that it’s almost overwhelming to think about. I’ve recently found myself very interested in Positive Psychology (so much so, in fact, that I'm even thinking about going back to school to study it!). In looking into the subject, I came across three distinct types of happiness, each representing different types of life. Personally I believe that individuals can embody all three of these types of happiness or they can possess different shades of each, blending together into a colorful life of peace and well-being. I’m going to outline the three types of happiness here and explore them a bit by adding my own insights.

Three Shades of Happiness

1. Pleasant Life: A pleasant life consists of having as much pleasure as you can, as many of the positive emotions, and learning some of the dozen or so techniques that actually work for increasing the duration and intensity of your pleasures. There are shortcuts to the pleasures. You can go shopping; you can watch television; you can take drugs. These things do not lead to true happiness. While I do agree that instant gratification and seeking pleasure from outside sources will not bring about lasting happiness, I do think that some degree of pleasure in life is a good thing. As with everything, the pleasant life should be lived in moderation, making sure that pleasures are not substitutes for real, true joy. It is important to balance a pleasant life with the other shades of happiness. When it comes to living a pleasant life, remember to moderate yourself and not allow physical pleasures to dominate your world. 

2. Engaged Life: An engaged life is being one with the music, being totally wrapped up in the people you love or what you're hearing. There are no shortcuts to the engaged life. The engaged life can only be had by first knowing what your highest strengths are, your signature strengths, and re-crafting your life to use them at work, in love, in leisure, in parenting and in friendship. Clearly, it is very important to live an engaged life. Not only will those around you benefit from your engaged living style, but you will receive many benefits as well. When you are completely wrapped up in what’s going on around you, when you are living in the moment, you are truly living a full life. Personally, when I feel down, the first thing I want to do is disengage myself from my life and from those who love and support me. But this is the wrong action to take. No matter what, stay engaged in your life. You will ultimately find more happiness this way.

3. Meaningful Life: A meaningful life consists of again knowing what your highest strengths and talents are and using them in the service of something that you believe is bigger than you are. Living a meaningful life is so, so important. When you are living without purpose, it is difficult to know true happiness. You feel as if you’re floating, unsure of where you’re supposed to be or what direction you are going in. This is not a good feeling and it often causes a great deal of unhappiness. Taking your strengths and using them to benefit other people is one of the greatest things you can do – and this is something we can all do. Everyone has unique strengths. Think about what yours are and how you can use them to make the lives of others better. In the process, you’ll make your life better too!

As I’m sure you know there are many, many layers to happiness. These are only three types of happiness out of the many types I believe you can experience. I hope you can see how these three shades of happiness can blend together to create a happier existence. Each of us has the power to choose what shades of happiness we want to use to create the color of who we are. At times this can seem overwhelming, but it is truly wonderful that happiness comes in so many amazing, inspiring shades. Information for this post came from the article "The Three Types of Happiness." You can also find more information by visiting this site: www.authentichappiness.org. 

What do you think about these three types of happiness?
Do you see any of these in your life? Do you think there are other types?

Note: This was a guest post I wrote last June for the wonderful website Shades of Crimson. To view the  the original article, visit Shades of Crimson. If you have some time for additional reading, check out the site! And if you really have some time on your hands, check out my post from Friday: "Link Love: 50+ Articles You Should Read Now".

h is for happy: benefiting from a happiness project

 (♥)
 

"There is no duty we so much as underrate as the duty of being happy."

Robert Louis Stevenson

Monday night I went to a book signing for Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project. After over a year of reading Gretchen's blog -- also titled The Happiness Project -- communicating with Gretchen via email (she was so helpful when I first started this blog and had tons of questions), and anticipating the arrival of Gretchen's book, it was great to finally meet the creator of the blog and author of the book in person. It's pretty cool when you get to meet someone in person who has inspired you (for more on how I was inspired, check out one of my very first posts, "Inspiration: The Happiness Project") and I'm very grateful for the opportunity to do that and to reflect on it in this post. Without Gretchen's inspiration, I'm pretty sure there would be no Positively Present, a thought I cannot even fathom now that I've grown so attached to my beloved blog.

Shortly before attending the book signing, I discovered that this week is the 9th Annual Hunt for Happiness Week, and what could have been better than to hunt for happiness in Gretchen's The Happiness Project? (To read more about Hunt for Happiness week, click here and don't forget to check out the 31 Types of Happiness.) I decided to take another look at Gretchen's book and pick out all of the things that really stuck out to me, the things that made me realizing that I was, in fact, benefiting from her happiness project. Over the past year I've learned a lot about happiness from Gretchen's blog posts and it was great to have all of that information in hand, in a neatly organized book form. With the book, I could easily flip through the pages and find all of the underlined passages, all of the places Gretchen's words (or the words of others, quoted by Gretchen) had truly spoken to me.

Since it would probably take a long, long time to go through all of my favorite lines in the book, I've decided to highlight a few of the messages that really stuck out to me when reading The Happiness Project. Many of these points I'd read about before on Gretchen's blog, but something about holding them in my hand and seeing them in the pages of her (very popular!) book made them seem more real and made me realize how truly important they are. Reading the blog and book have been very useful for me, and I've benefited a great deal from being exposed to Gretchen's insights. Here are a few of my favorites, the ones I feel like I benefited from most:

The Best of The Happiness Project

"To be happy, I need to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right in an atmosphere of growth."

This is one of Gretchen's key points and she comes back to it over and over again in her book and on her blog. I think about this and I realize that it's really important. When you're working on your own happiness project (as I am, in a way, through this blog), it's essential to understand what makes you feel good, what makes you feel bad, and what makes you feel right. These sound like such basic things, but, really, most of us don't think all that much about them. One thing I've learned from being in therapy over the past year is to really pay attention to my body. When I find that I'm angry or irritated, I start thinking about my body and often find that there are external factors that are making me feel even more aggravated (like being cold or hungry) and these are things I can change. Recognizing what makes me feel bad --such as being too hungry -- helps me to make myself feel better by, for example, taking a break from what I'm working on a grabbing a snack. This is a small example, but it really goes to show that simply paying attention to what makes us feel good and bad can make a huge difference in our lives. In addition, I really got a lot out of what Gretchen wrote about "an atmosphere of growth." Learning and growing are things that have always been important to me, but it wasn't until recently that I realized just how important they are when it comes to having a happiness project. Growth can be scary at times, but it really is an important aspect of living a positive life.


"But the fact is, you can't change anyone but yourself."

It's hard for a lot of people to realize this one, but it's so, so true. It's often very tempting to believe that we can change others. After all, sometimes we can make subtle differences that make it seem as if we're changing them. However, over the past year, as I've done quite a bit of changing, I've really come to realize that, contrary to what I might want to believe sometimes, you really can't change anyone but yourself. And I've found that that can be one of the most frustrating things about having happiness project (or even simply being invested in personal development): no matter how much you change, that doesn't mean those around you are going to change. Likewise, no matter how much you choose to focus on happiness and positivity, it doesn't mean those around you will do the same. What it really comes down to is acceptance. You have to accept others for who they are and you have to surround yourself with people who accept you for who you are. Through the various interviews and blog posts on Gretchen's site, I've learned a lot about different people think about happiness. Happiness can be a very unique thing and what makes one person happy might not make another person happy. While a happiness project can be a great thing, filled with tons of benefits, it can also be really hard to make changes in your life when those around you aren't at all interested in making them. It's tempting to want to change other people, even to think you know it would be best for them to change, but, as Gretchen said, you really can't change anyone but yourself.

"One reason that challenge brings happiness is that is allows you to expand your self-definition. You become larger." 

About a year ago when I really started thinking about happiness (and how unhappy I was), I found that, as Gretchen suggests, my self-definition really did change. I was turning into someone else, and, as the quote above says, I found that I was becoming larger. I was beginning to see the world from different angles and to understand that happiness and positivity were based on a variety of factors, some of which were out of my control. While I desired to be happy, I also recognized that it presented a really big challenge for me. Undertaking the challenge was, in and of itself, an act that caused me to growth and expand as a person. Now that I'm here, nearly a year after starting this blog, I realize that who I am has changed significantly. The way I define myself -- my self-definition -- has shifted and I have begun not only to think of myself differently, but to see the world and others through a new perspective as well. Because I really work on being happier (and, yes, it's a lot of hard work!), I don't take my happiness for granted. I see it as a part of who I am, but also as something separate from myself, something that I've worked hard to achieve. Over the past year, I've most certainly become a larger person. My view of the world is bigger and it's growing every day. One of the greatest benefits of having a happiness project is that I'm constantly challenging myself and urging myself to see the good in situations I normally would see as negative (see Monday's post). I've grown more in the past year than I can ever remember growing and I think a great deal of that has to do with my desire to live a more positive lifestyle.

"Experts say that denying bad feelings intensifies them; acknowledging bad feelings allows good feelings to return." 

On Positively Present, I write a lot about positivity and how to focus on it. However, as Gretchen mentioned in her book, it's not healthy to focus only on the positive things in life. Ignoring the negative or bad things in life is not a good strategy because, as anyone who has tried this already knows (or will soon find out), those negative things always resurface if not dealt with properly. Right now I'm reading about this concept in Positivity: Top-Notch Research Reveals the 3 to 1 Ratio That Will Change Your Life, and it really highlights the idea that Gretchen brings up here: you cannot focus only on the good things. As nice as it seems that would be, positivity and happiness don't work that way. If you focus only the good things, you're denying the bad things and, as research has shown, this only intensifies them. When I first started thinking about positivity and how I wanted more of it in my life, my initial react was to push all of the bad thoughts away. Of course, this didn't go over so well and, not surprisingly, they quickly crept back to the surface, intensified by my determined avoidance. Now I see that it's so important to deal with the bad feelings and situations. Sometimes it really isn't pleasant and I'd much rather be sweeping them under the rug and plastering a smile to my face, but I always feel a lot better when I deal with the negative. I feel much more positive when I take care of the dealing with the bad things and that positivity gives me a big boost when it comes to facing the good things in my life.


"Act the way I want to feel." 

This quote is symbolic of one of the greatest benefits I've received from reading Gretchen's blog and the book The Happiness Project. I've always thought to myself that if you are acting a way you're not feeling than you're simply faking it and I've always wondered what the point of that would be. Why fake it? I used to ask myself when I was sinking into an irritated funk. I used to rationalize that it was just best to be who I was and not to play any games with my emotions. While it made sense to me at that time, I now realize that that's not the best plan of attack. According to Gretchen (and, as I've discovered myself from giving it a try), when you act the way you want to feel, you actually start to feel that way. If I find myself slipping into a bad mood, I do my best to act happy and, you know what? I actually find that I am happier. This sounds like it might contradict the earlier point of ignoring bad feelings, but it actually works with it. While it's not a good idea to ignore your negative emotions, there are often times when dwelling on them doesn't do any good. If you find yourself in a bad mood and you think to yourself, "I really want to be happy right now," start acting as if you're happy. You may still have issues to deal with (such as why it is that you've found yourself in a bad mood), but having a happy attitude will make dealing with any negative situation a lot more pleasant. And if being happy is too much for you, just try being positive and looking for the good in the situation. Whenever I look for the good in a bad situation (and, yep, this can take a lot of effort on my part sometimes), I instantly feel better. It might sound silly or as if wouldn't work, but I swear that when I start acting the way I want to feel, I actually start feeling that way.


"One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy. One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself."

When I read this is feels a bit like a tongue-twister for my mind. I have to be happy to make other people happy? But making other people happy will make me happy? I have to admit that the first time I read this it felt a little bit of chicken-and-the-egg syndrome. Which comes first? Making other other people happy? Or making myself happy so that I can then make other people happy? Personally, I think they go hand-in-hand. When I first started working on my own version of a happiness project, I admittedly was a bit self-absorbed. I was intent on finding all of the ways I could make myself happier and live a more positive life. When I read this line one day on Gretchen's blog, it was a real eye-opener for me. I realized that, while it was very important to focus on my own happiness and figure out what would make my life more positive, it was equally as important to make other people as well. I began doing what I could to spread positivity and to share what I was learning about happiness with others. One of the ways I began working on sharing my happiness was through my blog. My experience with blogging mirrors Gretchen's, which she wrote about in her book: "My blog gave me a new identity, new skills, a new set of colleagues, and a way to connect with people who shared my interest. I'd expanded my vision of the kind of writer I could be. I had become a blogger." In becoming a blogger, I had made myself happier and I'd found a way to share my experiences with positivity with others.

As you can see, there are some great points about happiness made in Gretchen's book The Happiness Project. Over the past year I've learned a great deal not only about Gretchen's happiness project, but about what it means to have a focus on happiness, to have a happiness project of my own. What's so great about the happiness project idea is that everyone's happiness project can be (and probably should be!) unique. Gretchen's always making the point on her blog (and in the book) that happiness is different for everyone. What makes one person happy won't necessarily make another person happy. Once we realize this and begin focusing on increasing our own personal happiness, it becomes clear that we all have the ability to have a happiness project that is a perfect fit for us.

Personally, I find that focusing on living positively in the present moment is something that works best for me. That underlying principle is put to work in my blog, in my daily interacts with others, and in a number of other creative avenues that help me to create a happier environment for myself. Would I say that having a unique, tailored happiness project of my own has brought me many, many benefits that outweigh all of the hard work I put in? Hell yeah! Having a happiness project -- a focus on how I can make my life and the lives of those around me better -- has changed my life in more ways than I can even begin to state. And it's amazing to consider the ripple effect of a happiness project. After reading about what Gretchen was doing on her site, The Happiness Project, I was inspired to create a site of my own that would focus on my own personal journey toward a more positive life. And who knows? Maybe someone reading this post today will be inspired and another happiness project will begin...

Do you have a happiness project of your own?
If so, what is it and how to do you benefit from it?