positively present

the three shades of happiness

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"We all live with the objective of being happy;
our lives are all different and yet the same."

Anne Frank

Happiness is clearly a topic I like to think about a lot. I write about it nearly every day in some form on my blog. I contemplate it constantly in my daily activities, always looking for new sources of inspiration for myself and my readers. As the author of a blog focusing on positivity and living a happier life, I’ve done quite a bit of reading on happiness and I’ve discovered something very interesting amid all that I’ve observed:

There are many shades of happiness.

Happiness is not black or white. It’s not “I’m happy” or “I’m unhappy.” Happiness, in my opinion, is one of those things that can fall anywhere from the deepest happiness and inner peace to the slight increase of happiness when one looks at a pleasant image. There are so many kinds of happiness that it’s almost overwhelming to think about. I’ve recently found myself very interested in Positive Psychology (so much so, in fact, that I'm even thinking about going back to school to study it!). In looking into the subject, I came across three distinct types of happiness, each representing different types of life. Personally I believe that individuals can embody all three of these types of happiness or they can possess different shades of each, blending together into a colorful life of peace and well-being. I’m going to outline the three types of happiness here and explore them a bit by adding my own insights.

Three Shades of Happiness

1. Pleasant Life: A pleasant life consists of having as much pleasure as you can, as many of the positive emotions, and learning some of the dozen or so techniques that actually work for increasing the duration and intensity of your pleasures. There are shortcuts to the pleasures. You can go shopping; you can watch television; you can take drugs. These things do not lead to true happiness. While I do agree that instant gratification and seeking pleasure from outside sources will not bring about lasting happiness, I do think that some degree of pleasure in life is a good thing. As with everything, the pleasant life should be lived in moderation, making sure that pleasures are not substitutes for real, true joy. It is important to balance a pleasant life with the other shades of happiness. When it comes to living a pleasant life, remember to moderate yourself and not allow physical pleasures to dominate your world. 

2. Engaged Life: An engaged life is being one with the music, being totally wrapped up in the people you love or what you're hearing. There are no shortcuts to the engaged life. The engaged life can only be had by first knowing what your highest strengths are, your signature strengths, and re-crafting your life to use them at work, in love, in leisure, in parenting and in friendship. Clearly, it is very important to live an engaged life. Not only will those around you benefit from your engaged living style, but you will receive many benefits as well. When you are completely wrapped up in what’s going on around you, when you are living in the moment, you are truly living a full life. Personally, when I feel down, the first thing I want to do is disengage myself from my life and from those who love and support me. But this is the wrong action to take. No matter what, stay engaged in your life. You will ultimately find more happiness this way.

3. Meaningful Life: A meaningful life consists of again knowing what your highest strengths and talents are and using them in the service of something that you believe is bigger than you are. Living a meaningful life is so, so important. When you are living without purpose, it is difficult to know true happiness. You feel as if you’re floating, unsure of where you’re supposed to be or what direction you are going in. This is not a good feeling and it often causes a great deal of unhappiness. Taking your strengths and using them to benefit other people is one of the greatest things you can do – and this is something we can all do. Everyone has unique strengths. Think about what yours are and how you can use them to make the lives of others better. In the process, you’ll make your life better too!

As I’m sure you know there are many, many layers to happiness. These are only three types of happiness out of the many types I believe you can experience. I hope you can see how these three shades of happiness can blend together to create a happier existence. Each of us has the power to choose what shades of happiness we want to use to create the color of who we are. At times this can seem overwhelming, but it is truly wonderful that happiness comes in so many amazing, inspiring shades. Information for this post came from the article "The Three Types of Happiness." You can also find more information by visiting this site: www.authentichappiness.org. 

What do you think about these three types of happiness?
Do you see any of these in your life? Do you think there are other types?

Note: This was a guest post I wrote last June for the wonderful website Shades of Crimson. To view the  the original article, visit Shades of Crimson. If you have some time for additional reading, check out the site! And if you really have some time on your hands, check out my post from Friday: "Link Love: 50+ Articles You Should Read Now".

h is for happy: benefiting from a happiness project

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"There is no duty we so much as underrate as the duty of being happy."

Robert Louis Stevenson

Monday night I went to a book signing for Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project. After over a year of reading Gretchen's blog -- also titled The Happiness Project -- communicating with Gretchen via email (she was so helpful when I first started this blog and had tons of questions), and anticipating the arrival of Gretchen's book, it was great to finally meet the creator of the blog and author of the book in person. It's pretty cool when you get to meet someone in person who has inspired you (for more on how I was inspired, check out one of my very first posts, "Inspiration: The Happiness Project") and I'm very grateful for the opportunity to do that and to reflect on it in this post. Without Gretchen's inspiration, I'm pretty sure there would be no Positively Present, a thought I cannot even fathom now that I've grown so attached to my beloved blog.

Shortly before attending the book signing, I discovered that this week is the 9th Annual Hunt for Happiness Week, and what could have been better than to hunt for happiness in Gretchen's The Happiness Project? (To read more about Hunt for Happiness week, click here and don't forget to check out the 31 Types of Happiness.) I decided to take another look at Gretchen's book and pick out all of the things that really stuck out to me, the things that made me realizing that I was, in fact, benefiting from her happiness project. Over the past year I've learned a lot about happiness from Gretchen's blog posts and it was great to have all of that information in hand, in a neatly organized book form. With the book, I could easily flip through the pages and find all of the underlined passages, all of the places Gretchen's words (or the words of others, quoted by Gretchen) had truly spoken to me.

Since it would probably take a long, long time to go through all of my favorite lines in the book, I've decided to highlight a few of the messages that really stuck out to me when reading The Happiness Project. Many of these points I'd read about before on Gretchen's blog, but something about holding them in my hand and seeing them in the pages of her (very popular!) book made them seem more real and made me realize how truly important they are. Reading the blog and book have been very useful for me, and I've benefited a great deal from being exposed to Gretchen's insights. Here are a few of my favorites, the ones I feel like I benefited from most:

The Best of The Happiness Project

"To be happy, I need to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right in an atmosphere of growth."

This is one of Gretchen's key points and she comes back to it over and over again in her book and on her blog. I think about this and I realize that it's really important. When you're working on your own happiness project (as I am, in a way, through this blog), it's essential to understand what makes you feel good, what makes you feel bad, and what makes you feel right. These sound like such basic things, but, really, most of us don't think all that much about them. One thing I've learned from being in therapy over the past year is to really pay attention to my body. When I find that I'm angry or irritated, I start thinking about my body and often find that there are external factors that are making me feel even more aggravated (like being cold or hungry) and these are things I can change. Recognizing what makes me feel bad --such as being too hungry -- helps me to make myself feel better by, for example, taking a break from what I'm working on a grabbing a snack. This is a small example, but it really goes to show that simply paying attention to what makes us feel good and bad can make a huge difference in our lives. In addition, I really got a lot out of what Gretchen wrote about "an atmosphere of growth." Learning and growing are things that have always been important to me, but it wasn't until recently that I realized just how important they are when it comes to having a happiness project. Growth can be scary at times, but it really is an important aspect of living a positive life.


"But the fact is, you can't change anyone but yourself."

It's hard for a lot of people to realize this one, but it's so, so true. It's often very tempting to believe that we can change others. After all, sometimes we can make subtle differences that make it seem as if we're changing them. However, over the past year, as I've done quite a bit of changing, I've really come to realize that, contrary to what I might want to believe sometimes, you really can't change anyone but yourself. And I've found that that can be one of the most frustrating things about having happiness project (or even simply being invested in personal development): no matter how much you change, that doesn't mean those around you are going to change. Likewise, no matter how much you choose to focus on happiness and positivity, it doesn't mean those around you will do the same. What it really comes down to is acceptance. You have to accept others for who they are and you have to surround yourself with people who accept you for who you are. Through the various interviews and blog posts on Gretchen's site, I've learned a lot about different people think about happiness. Happiness can be a very unique thing and what makes one person happy might not make another person happy. While a happiness project can be a great thing, filled with tons of benefits, it can also be really hard to make changes in your life when those around you aren't at all interested in making them. It's tempting to want to change other people, even to think you know it would be best for them to change, but, as Gretchen said, you really can't change anyone but yourself.

"One reason that challenge brings happiness is that is allows you to expand your self-definition. You become larger." 

About a year ago when I really started thinking about happiness (and how unhappy I was), I found that, as Gretchen suggests, my self-definition really did change. I was turning into someone else, and, as the quote above says, I found that I was becoming larger. I was beginning to see the world from different angles and to understand that happiness and positivity were based on a variety of factors, some of which were out of my control. While I desired to be happy, I also recognized that it presented a really big challenge for me. Undertaking the challenge was, in and of itself, an act that caused me to growth and expand as a person. Now that I'm here, nearly a year after starting this blog, I realize that who I am has changed significantly. The way I define myself -- my self-definition -- has shifted and I have begun not only to think of myself differently, but to see the world and others through a new perspective as well. Because I really work on being happier (and, yes, it's a lot of hard work!), I don't take my happiness for granted. I see it as a part of who I am, but also as something separate from myself, something that I've worked hard to achieve. Over the past year, I've most certainly become a larger person. My view of the world is bigger and it's growing every day. One of the greatest benefits of having a happiness project is that I'm constantly challenging myself and urging myself to see the good in situations I normally would see as negative (see Monday's post). I've grown more in the past year than I can ever remember growing and I think a great deal of that has to do with my desire to live a more positive lifestyle.

"Experts say that denying bad feelings intensifies them; acknowledging bad feelings allows good feelings to return." 

On Positively Present, I write a lot about positivity and how to focus on it. However, as Gretchen mentioned in her book, it's not healthy to focus only on the positive things in life. Ignoring the negative or bad things in life is not a good strategy because, as anyone who has tried this already knows (or will soon find out), those negative things always resurface if not dealt with properly. Right now I'm reading about this concept in Positivity: Top-Notch Research Reveals the 3 to 1 Ratio That Will Change Your Life, and it really highlights the idea that Gretchen brings up here: you cannot focus only on the good things. As nice as it seems that would be, positivity and happiness don't work that way. If you focus only the good things, you're denying the bad things and, as research has shown, this only intensifies them. When I first started thinking about positivity and how I wanted more of it in my life, my initial react was to push all of the bad thoughts away. Of course, this didn't go over so well and, not surprisingly, they quickly crept back to the surface, intensified by my determined avoidance. Now I see that it's so important to deal with the bad feelings and situations. Sometimes it really isn't pleasant and I'd much rather be sweeping them under the rug and plastering a smile to my face, but I always feel a lot better when I deal with the negative. I feel much more positive when I take care of the dealing with the bad things and that positivity gives me a big boost when it comes to facing the good things in my life.


"Act the way I want to feel." 

This quote is symbolic of one of the greatest benefits I've received from reading Gretchen's blog and the book The Happiness Project. I've always thought to myself that if you are acting a way you're not feeling than you're simply faking it and I've always wondered what the point of that would be. Why fake it? I used to ask myself when I was sinking into an irritated funk. I used to rationalize that it was just best to be who I was and not to play any games with my emotions. While it made sense to me at that time, I now realize that that's not the best plan of attack. According to Gretchen (and, as I've discovered myself from giving it a try), when you act the way you want to feel, you actually start to feel that way. If I find myself slipping into a bad mood, I do my best to act happy and, you know what? I actually find that I am happier. This sounds like it might contradict the earlier point of ignoring bad feelings, but it actually works with it. While it's not a good idea to ignore your negative emotions, there are often times when dwelling on them doesn't do any good. If you find yourself in a bad mood and you think to yourself, "I really want to be happy right now," start acting as if you're happy. You may still have issues to deal with (such as why it is that you've found yourself in a bad mood), but having a happy attitude will make dealing with any negative situation a lot more pleasant. And if being happy is too much for you, just try being positive and looking for the good in the situation. Whenever I look for the good in a bad situation (and, yep, this can take a lot of effort on my part sometimes), I instantly feel better. It might sound silly or as if wouldn't work, but I swear that when I start acting the way I want to feel, I actually start feeling that way.


"One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy. One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself."

When I read this is feels a bit like a tongue-twister for my mind. I have to be happy to make other people happy? But making other people happy will make me happy? I have to admit that the first time I read this it felt a little bit of chicken-and-the-egg syndrome. Which comes first? Making other other people happy? Or making myself happy so that I can then make other people happy? Personally, I think they go hand-in-hand. When I first started working on my own version of a happiness project, I admittedly was a bit self-absorbed. I was intent on finding all of the ways I could make myself happier and live a more positive life. When I read this line one day on Gretchen's blog, it was a real eye-opener for me. I realized that, while it was very important to focus on my own happiness and figure out what would make my life more positive, it was equally as important to make other people as well. I began doing what I could to spread positivity and to share what I was learning about happiness with others. One of the ways I began working on sharing my happiness was through my blog. My experience with blogging mirrors Gretchen's, which she wrote about in her book: "My blog gave me a new identity, new skills, a new set of colleagues, and a way to connect with people who shared my interest. I'd expanded my vision of the kind of writer I could be. I had become a blogger." In becoming a blogger, I had made myself happier and I'd found a way to share my experiences with positivity with others.

As you can see, there are some great points about happiness made in Gretchen's book The Happiness Project. Over the past year I've learned a great deal not only about Gretchen's happiness project, but about what it means to have a focus on happiness, to have a happiness project of my own. What's so great about the happiness project idea is that everyone's happiness project can be (and probably should be!) unique. Gretchen's always making the point on her blog (and in the book) that happiness is different for everyone. What makes one person happy won't necessarily make another person happy. Once we realize this and begin focusing on increasing our own personal happiness, it becomes clear that we all have the ability to have a happiness project that is a perfect fit for us.

Personally, I find that focusing on living positively in the present moment is something that works best for me. That underlying principle is put to work in my blog, in my daily interacts with others, and in a number of other creative avenues that help me to create a happier environment for myself. Would I say that having a unique, tailored happiness project of my own has brought me many, many benefits that outweigh all of the hard work I put in? Hell yeah! Having a happiness project -- a focus on how I can make my life and the lives of those around me better -- has changed my life in more ways than I can even begin to state. And it's amazing to consider the ripple effect of a happiness project. After reading about what Gretchen was doing on her site, The Happiness Project, I was inspired to create a site of my own that would focus on my own personal journey toward a more positive life. And who knows? Maybe someone reading this post today will be inspired and another happiness project will begin...

Do you have a happiness project of your own?
If so, what is it and how to do you benefit from it?

a year of amazing: how to make this one the best yet

You know, I have a good feeling about 2010. There's something about that nice, round number that makes me feel calm, makes me think this year is going to be a really good one. When I was searching for an image to use for this post and came across the one above, I was super excited. I have high hopes for the year and the picture I found seemed to echo them perfectly. While I really am trying to live in the moment and focus on what's happening right now, I can't help but look to the future of 2010 and have hope that it's going to be an amazing year. Of course, the reason I think it's going to be an amazing year is because I plan to make it an amazing year. In 2009 I learned one thing for certain: your life is what you make it. 

Prior to last year, it was so easy for me to fall into routines and patterns, thinking that everything just happened because that's the way it went. Though of course the thought had crossed my mind, I didn't realize just how powerful my own abilities were. I didn't realize that I really could take control of my life and spend my time in ways that were productive and healthy. It was a really hard year, but it was a really great year. I learned more about myself in those 12 months than in all the 26 years that had come before them. The other day I read this quote by Charles Richards: 

"Don't be fooled by the calendar. 
There are only as many days in the year as you make use of."
 

When I read that, I thought to myself, "Wow. That's really true." I thought back on the years before, all of the days I'd wasted, and then I thought of last year and how I'd done my best to make every day worthwhile. Sure, they weren't all great days and they weren't all filled with productive, positive activities, but, for the most part, I can say that I made the most of my days in 2009. Having spent a year that way, I cannot imagine going back to the way it was before, to those days I spent lying on the couch, watching TV or thinking negative thoughts. After the year I've had, I just cannot imagine going back. 

What I can imagine, however, is going forward to an awesome year in 2010. Part of me, admittedly, is a little nervous about my hopes for the year. What if 2010 isn't as great as 2009? What if I don't change and grow and learn so much, the way I did last year? What if I'm setting my expectations too high and I reach the end of the year feeling let down? This post is all about putting those "what-ifs" aside and developing a plan to make 2010 even better than 2009. With a plan in place, I just know 2010 can be -- will be -- amazing. 

How To Make 2010 Your Best Year Yet

Get excited. Stop and think right now about what gets you excited. If you had a day to do anything you wanted to do, what would it be? What is that thing that, when it crosses your mind, leaves you feeling so overjoyed or pumped up that you can barely sit still? Keep that thought in your mind, keep doing whatever it is that makes you that happy, and keep surrounding yourself with people who support those things that make you oh-so-excited. You need to support yourself. You need to do the things that make you the happiest. And you need to have people in your life that support your happiness. 

Get involved. Now is the time to get involved in what it is that excites you. No, not next month or later in the year. NOW. Think back to the things or activities or people that get you excited and ask yourself, "How can I become more involved? How can I get into that, and experience those feelings, even more often than I already do?" You need to be doing whatever it is that you love most in the world. You need to be figuring out a way to be involved with what you love most and to be involved with it as often as you can.

Get going. Now that you've identified what you want to do and how you can become more involved in it, it's time to get going. 2010 may have just begun, but it will be over before you know it. Don't put off the things you want to do. The year will be shorter than you imagine it to be. You will find yourself at the end of it, thinking,"What did I do this year?" Don't let yourself get to the end of the year without doing what it is that you really, truly want to do. It's a new year, a new decade, and it's time to get going! 



For me, last year was a good one and it's inspired me to make this one even better. But if you didn't feel like 2009 was everything you wanted it to be, now is your chance to change things. I believe you can start change at any time, but why not embrace it now when everyone else is so into it? If you want your life to be different, make it different. If you're looking for some inspiration, check out some of these posts: 

 
Stop, Drop, & Roll: How to Prepare for Change

You CAN Have It All: 8 Tips for Balancing Work and Life

Breaking the Spell of Someday

Let's Go! 5 Steps for Getting on the Road to Your Goal

Change Your Mind About Change

Photo credit: (♥)  

when you want to cry, laugh instead

  (♥)

Laughing In My Sleep

Though I hate to admit it now, I used to be the kind of person that would wake from sleep crying. I was sad and even my subconscious knew it. Last week, I found myself startling awake and it took me to realize what was happening: I was laughing. Never before had I woken to the sound of my own laughter and I was more than delighted to hear such a happy sound as the first sound of the day. I was also a little bit shocked. Did people actually do this? Did they actually wake up because they were laughing so hard in their sleep? After I eventually fell back to sleep and re-awoke for the day, I brought up the situation to my mom, who replied with, "Oh, yeah, I've probably done that about five times!" Though I was surprised to hear that I wasn't alone in this wake-up-laughing thing, I wasn't all that surprised that it had happened to my mom. After all, if anyone were going to wake up in their sleep laughing, it would be my happy mother. It hit me then, as I was talking to her, that I was becoming more and more like her. I was becoming the kind of person that woke up laughing, not crying. 

While this might not seem like a huge thing, to me it meant the world. It was some sort of proof that all of this happiness I've been feeling isn't entirely created by me in the daytime. There is something deeper to this happiness, something that transcends from my waking to my sleeping state, and that makes me feel profoundly grateful. I remember waking the other day to the sound of my own laughter and thinking, "This cannot be happening." It just seemed to me like such a sign that things really had changed for me, and that they were changed in a more permanent way than I could ever imagine. I wasn't, as I had been in the past, finding happiness outside of myself. I had finally found a happiness that came from within me, a happiness that was, in fact, bubbling out of me in the form of laughter.

When You Want To Cry, Laugh Instead

When I found the image above as I was searching for a picture to fit with this post on laughter, I couldn't have been more elated. It was perfect. Both laughter and tears are responses that we need in our lives -- both are necessary at different times -- but sometimes we really do have a choice between the two. There are times when we could look at a situation and we could just as easily laugh about it as we could cry about it. Before I used to be the crying, woe-is-me type, seeing a situation for the worst things about it. Now, when faced with a difficult situation, I find that it's a lot easier (and less messy!) to laugh about it. Of course there are some situations (like the death of a loved one or a horrible heartbreak) in which only crying will do. But there is that old saying, "Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened," that really should be remembered more often. I used to focus on the crying part, but now I can see that laugher is the way to go.

As anyone who has had hardship or heartache in his or her life knows, it's not always that easy to get to a place where you're waking up laughing instead of crying. Emotions are complex things and you cannot force yourself to feel a certain emotion if you really don't want to feel it (and trying to do this really only masks the pain...) so it's important to realize that it's okay to cry. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to feel pain. What's not okay is dwelling on it. There really is -- if you really think about it -- no point in dragging out the sad and mad and unhappy emotions. The only person you're hurting when you do this is you, and I'm sure that's not what you want. You certainly don't want to feel any more pain than you have to, right? So take a deep breath, take a step back, and look for what you can laugh about (or, at the very least, smile about).

You might be surprised that finding something to laugh about (even in the most awful of situations) isn't as hard as you might think. And don't let that guilt hold you back either! It's tempting to think if something is sad or upsetting that we shouldn't still be happy or be laughing, but the only thing you're achieving by having that attitude is holding yourself back from happiness. You deserve to be happy -- no matter what's going on in your life -- and you deserve to laugh. No matter what tough time you're going through, resisting laughter isn't going to help you out. In fact, laughing will really bring you into the moment and will help you to see that positive things in life are all around you if only you take the time to look.

Believe me, I know this is so much easier said than done. If someone had told me a year ago that I would be woken by the sound of my own laughter, I can honestly say I would have called that person a flat-out liar. I would never have believed that it would be possible for someone like me to wake up feeling the utter joy that comes with laughing, but here I am, sitting here and writing about it now, my mouth upturned in a smile just thinking about what it felt like to wake in that strange NYC bed, my body shaking with the happy sounds of laughter. It is possible to get to a point where you feel more like laughing than crying, when, like me, laugher becomes your more natural release. It's not easy, but I'm going to give you some ideas on how to get started.

How To Laugh and Laugh and Laugh

• Surround yourself with happy people. It's pretty hard to be happy and find laughter if you're around negative people all the time. You have to surround yourself with people who bring you up, who make you laugh when you are down, and who support you wholeheartedly. It's taken me awhile to realize that sometimes these people aren't who you think they're going to be. Sometimes the good people in your life are surprising. Sometimes you wish people could be better for you than they are. Nonetheless, it's up to YOU to decide who is good for you and who is not. And don't even pretend like you don't know. If you sit down and really, really think about it, you know whether or not someone is good for you. Still not sure? Ask yourself this: "How do I feel when I'm with this person?" If you generally feel happier and uplifted, this person is a good person for you to have in your life. If not, well, you know what to do...
  
  
• Open your mind up to being happy. For me this was the hardest thing in the world to do. I thought being unhappy was such a part of me that I would never escape it. I thought I had to accept it. In fact, I thought I needed it to be who I was. I didn't think I could be a writer or a creative person if I was a happy person. Well, I can tell you with 100% certainty that that's just not true. I write more now that I ever have and I'm at the happiest point in my life. If you don't open your mind to being happy, you won't allow it to happen to you. I pushed happy away a for such a long time and missed out on so much. Now that my mind is open to being happy, I find happiness in everything (well, almost everything...ha!). If you're open-minded about happiness you'll be able to embrace the happiest things (like laughter!) much more easily.
  
  
• Stop behaviors that bring you down. Listen up! This point is C-R-I-T-I-C-A-L! You have to, have to, have to stop doing the things that bring you down. You will never, ever be truly happy if you have activities or people in your life that are negative for you. And, believe me, people who aren't truly happy don't do a lot of honest, hearty laughing (unless, of course, you're a comedian). It's not easy -- AT ALL -- to give up things that bring you down. It's so much easier to keep doing what you know, what's within your realm of comfort, but remember this: If you don't change, your life won't change. I had to give up a lot of things -- a whole lifestyle of partying, in fact! -- to get to the place I am right now. It was not, and still is not, easy, but it's worth every single second of awkwardness or feeling left out to know that, deep down, I'm truly, amazingly happy. Just yesterday, I said to my friend Blair, "I'm so excited about my new, sober, honest, awesome life!" I wouldn't be where I am today without all of the changes I've made. So if you want to be happy, start changing!  
  
  
• Find yourself a fantastic therapist. Therapy is one of those things that a lot of people have strong opinions about. They usually think it's wonderful and that everyone should be in it or they think it's a waste of time and money. I used to be of the latter group, having had some pretty shitty waste-of-time therapists, but now that I've found a fantastic therapist that works well with me, I'm definitely joining those in the former group! Therapy is hard. Sometimes it really sucks having to deal with things you don't want to deal with. Sometimes it really sucks having to listen to things you don't want to hear. But I know, without a doubt, that I wouldn't be in the place of happy that I am now if it weren't for all of the hours I've spent in therapy since last November. It took many, many years for me to find a therapist that worked for me, but I'm so glad I didn't give up the search. Therapy -- good therapy -- has changed my life and it can change yours too if you find the right therapist for you.

If you want to be the type of person that wakes up laughing, the type of person who can see the good in even the worst situations, you have to work at it. You have to give up your notions of guilt (you deserve happiness!) and the idea that happiness isn't something we should all have all the time. Bad things happen -- oh, yes, they do! -- but that doesn't mean we can't be laughing, still enjoying life, and living every moment to the fullest. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to be laughing, but don't forget that it really is all up to you. I didn't wake up laughing in my sleep last week because I just keep doing the things that made me unhappy while surrounding myself with people that brought me down. No, I woke up laughing because I took control of my unhappy state and I turned it around. The laughter I experienced was, for me, a true, honest sign that things really have changed and that, about a year after I started this journey down the path of self-improvement, I am exactly -- and happily! :) -- where I've always wanted to be. 

Want to learn more about me? Check out the interview I did this week over at SuperForest! Read "A Positively Present Interview" by clicking here. (The post was tagged with "celebrity"! How fun is that!?) Even if you don't care to read the interview, you should definitely check out SuperForest. It's an awesome site and one of my newly found favorites!
 

 

the importance of being earnest: an ode to pets

 
(♥)

 

Today we're lucky to have an inspiring guest post from Katy McDougall, creator of Teeny's Friends, an organization that provides toys to needy dogs. My dog, Bella, and I are both huge fans of Katy's and I'm happy to share her awesome guest post with you today. You can find Katy online at Teeny's Friends, on Twitter @teenysfriends, and on Facebook. Thank you, Katy, for your great contribution to Positively Present!

I’ve always been a fan of Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest. In the play, the characters create alter-egos to avoid inconvenient or unwanted social situations. Incredibly, though written in 1895, Importance is still socially relevant in 2009. With cell phones, instant messaging, and social networking sites, it’s easier than ever to avoid someone or something if you wish to do so or feel as though you don’t have time. It’s easier to send a text message rather than pick up the phone and call someone, and it’s more convenient to send an email than to stop by and have a face-to-face chat. Whatever happened to personal contact? I don’t know about you, but I miss it. It’s hard to convey much emotion via electronic gadgets, even with the clever colon parenthesis combo that makes a smiley face. Here’s where my dogs enter and help bring me back down to Earth when I get caught up in the go-go pace of the 21st century.

• They keep me sincere (or earnest, if you prefer). You can’t “fake it” with a pet. Why even bother trying? They know when you are happy, sick, angry, or sad. Sometimes its good to let your honest emotions out. And they’ll be there for you, cocking their little heads to the side, listening to you talk, shout, cry, or laugh.
  
  

• They keep me altruistic. I am the most important person in the world to my dogs. That makes me want to be a better person, both for them and myself.
  
  

• They keep me balanced and help me remember to breathe. No matter what’s going on in the world, our pets need to be fed, walked, loved, etc. Routine is comforting and relaxing. No matter how stressed out I am, all I have to do is pet my dogs and I can feel myself begin to calm down. One kiss from them and the world spins a little slower; I find I can think more clearly. Studies have shown that people with pets live longer, so I am not the only one to notice this effect.
  
  

• They remind me to put down the electronic devices and spend one-on-one time with those I love. No text message can compare to a hug. I can’t instant message my miniature schnauzer! Pets demand our full attention and they deserve it. Every minute that passes is one minute that you’ll never get back, so make each one the best you can.

 

 

Positively Present is all about living life to the fullest. Fullest doesn’t always mean easiest! We are so accustomed to doing things the most convenient way possible; it’s easy to forget the simple pleasure in catching up with a friend in person over coffee. It goes the other way as well- many things we view as chores don’t seem so bad when we change the way we think about them. The point is, don’t be like the characters in The Importance of Being Earnest and avoid the parts of life you view as unpleasant. Good or bad, it’s all part of the journey of life. My dogs are my personal perspective; get out there and find yours!

 

Katy McDougall lives with her husband Todd and their two dogs, Marteeny & Tootsie, in beautiful Austin, Texas. She was inspired to start Teeny's Friends, an organization that provides toys to needy dogs, after rescuing Marteeny several years ago. Katy recently celebrated her 25th birthday (for the 3rd year in a row) and loves the beach, movie marathons, good company, and all animals. You can find Katy online on her blog, Teeny's Friends, on Twitter @teenysfriends, and on Facebook. 

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Contest Winner Announcement!

As you may or may not know, there was the very first giveaway on Positively Present on Monday and I let everyone know that I would announce the winner. Though I'm still traveling in NYC right now and will not be able to respond to comments/emails until my return, I couldn't let another day go by without announcing the lucky winner of the awesome Vol 25 giveaway. And the winner is.......Melissa Donovan! Melissa, author of Writing Forward -- and excellent site that I read every post on, chose the Knowledge Speaks print from Vol 25's amazing collection. If you're upset you didn't win the giveaway, don't worry -- you can still visit Vol 25's site and find some fantastic deals. Congratulations to Melissa! I will email you soon to give you all the details about your prize. :)  

 

100 things i am thankful for

 (♥)

"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. 
If you concentrate on what you don't have, 
you will never, ever have enough."

Oprah Winfrey

 

This week I've been writing a great deal about gratitude and it's no surprise that this has inspired me to think about all of the things I am thankful for. Every once and awhile I pull out my happy list (click the link to read more about it) and I add things to it. Yesterday, as I was thinking about gratitude, I realized that this list is somewhat like a gratitude journal, in that I'm really both happy and grateful for all of these things in my life. (See Wednesday's post to read more about the connection between happiness and gratitude.) All of the things that make me so happy are things that I'm also grateful for. Yesterday I added a bunch of new things, bringing the list up to 600! As tempting as it is to share all of those with you, I'll sum it up with my top 100...

100 Things I Am Thankful For

1. Life. How cool is that I'm actually here, in this world, living?
   
   
2. Friends. There is no way I could survive without them. Love you guys!
   
   
3. Family. We have our ups and downs, but they really are my foundation.
   
   
4. Love. It's completely magical and amazing, isn't it?
   
   
5. Words. They are literally my life line. I would not be me without them.
   
   
6. Choice. I love that every day I can choose to be happy. Fabulous!
   
   
7. Music. It's one of those things I literally cannot live without.
   
   
8. Color. As you can probably tell from my site, I'm obsessed with it!
   
   
9. Magic. Just read a quote saying magic is in everything. So true!
   
   
10. Art. To quote Ani Difranco, "Art is why I get up in the morning."
    
    
11. Dogs. They are flat out amazing creatures. Love you, Bella! Miss you, Pooky!
    
    
12. Health. I'm a pretty healthy girl and I'm so, so, SO happy about that.
    
    
13. Seasons. Spring, summer, winter, fall -- love 'em all!
    
    
14. Stars. As The Killers sing: "Stars are like rebel diamonds cut out of the sun." How beautiful!
    
    
15. Acceptance. I'm so thankful to those who accept me for who I am.
    
    
16. Rainbows. I've seen more of them this year than in my entire life combined. Amazing!
    
    
17. Blogs. I love writing mine and I love all the blogs I read on a regular basis.
    
    
18. Laughter. There is little better in the world than the laugh-so-hard-you-cry feeling.
    
    
19. Holidays. There's something incredibly exciting about them (especially Halloween!!!!).
    
    
20. Sunshine. I don't see too much of it today, but I love, love, love when the sun's shining.
    
    
21. Books. There's never a time when I'm not thankful for the words of another.
    
    
22. Organization. It might seem boring to some, but I'm really glad I'm organized.
    
    
23. Generosity. One of those things that's just as great to give as it is to get.
    
    
24. Encouragement. So many people have supported me in my life and I'm so lucky to have them.
    
    
25. Accountability. I'm so glad I've finally realized that I'm accountable for myself and my life.
    
    
26. Smiles. I love giving them and getting them. As Buddy the Elf says, "Smiling's my favorite!"
    
    
27. Change. It scares the shit out of me sometimes, but it can be a wonderful thing.
    
    
28. Fun. Who doesn't love a little bit (or a lot!) of fun in their lives?
    
    
29. Housing. This is something I usually take for granted, but I heart my apartment!
    
    
30. Comfort. Comfort food, comfy sweatpants, a comfortable relationship...comfort rocks!
    
    
31. Hope. Sometimes it's hard to find, but it's always there, waiting to lift me up.
    
    
32. Handwriting. It's so cool how we're all so different and this is a great place to see that.
    
    
33. Glitter. C'mon now, you know glitter is just about the awesomest thing ever.
    
    
34. Patience. I don't have very much of it yet, but I'm getting better at it every day!  
    
    
35. Photographs. There is nothing quite like a brilliant image to capture a moment.
    
    
36. Wonderlands. I particularly love Alice in Wonderland, but a winter wonderland is pretty great too.
    
    
37. Honesty. It really is the best policy.
    
    
38. Surprises. As long as they're good, I lovvvvvve them.
    
    
39. August. Best month ever, hands down.
    
    
40. Paw prints. I can't help but smile every time I see them.
    
    
41. Passion. One of the best things: seeing someone passionate about what they do or who they love.
    
    
42. Palm trees. If only they had them on the east coast... I'll be back, Cali!
    
    
43. Dreams. Both the daytime or nighttime variety are pretty cool.
    
    
44. Films. A movie that leaves you feeling moved -- priceless!
    
    
45. Positivity. Look for the good in everything and you will find it.
    
    
46. Knowledge. Gaining and possessing knowledge is one of my favorite things. Ever.
    
    
47. Quality Time. When you get to spend really quality time with someone, it's sooo fantastic.
    
    
48. Animals. How alike and different we are from them! Fascinating!
    
    
49. Kindness. Even the smallest act or word can change a day around...
    
    
50. Sleep. There's nothing like a soft pillow and a warm blanket after a long, hard day.
    
    
51. Dancing. I can't say I'm very good at it, but I love to do it!
    
    
52. Safe Landings. Gotta love those after a turbulence-filled flight!
    
    
53. Food. It's a major part of life, but I often forget to be thankful for it.
    
    
54. Challenges. They may suck at the time, but they always make me a better person.  
    
    
55. Imagination. I don't know where (or who!) I would be without it...
    
    
56. Compliments. Yeah, you know you're thankful for 'em too.
    
    
57. Twitter. It's awesome connecting with people on there and a great resource for new info.
    
    
58. Growing Up. Man, it was tough being in high school... and college... and right-out-of-college...
    
    
59. Freedom. Another thing I often take for granted, but am SO lucky to have.
    
    
60. Plans. I love knowing that fun things are coming up. Putting plans in place is great!
    
    
61. Therapy. Seriously, it has changed my life in so many amazing ways.
    
    
62. Driving. The car, the road, the music... awesome.  
    
    
63. Inspiration. There's nothing quite like coming across something that inspires you.
    
    
64. Peace. I'm not always at peace with myself and the world, but I'm working on it.
    
    
65. Productivity. It feels so great to be getting stuff done.
    
    
66. Emotions. Sometimes it's scary to feel things deeply, but it's also very wonderful.
    
    
67. Creativity. It's such a great feeling to make something and know it came from your heart. 
    
    
68. Good News. We all know there's a lot of bad news out there, so it's great to hear the good stuff.
    
    
69. Clothes. Even though I'm a grown-up, I still love playing dress up. Heart you, Chanel & Marc Jacobs!
    
    
70. Apologies. It feels great to hear them and even better to say them.
    
    
71. Forgiveness. This is also pretty great if you're in the wrong...
    
    
72. Weekends. Ahh, to be work-free for a few days. Love it!
    
    
73. Magazines: Nylon, Bitch, Bust, Real Simple, InStyle... I heart you.
    
    
74. Now. It's awesome to live in the moment. The only time we have is NOW!
    
    
75. Respect. One of the best things we can do is respect others -- and ourselves.
    
    
76. Bathing Suits. Considering I have about 32 of them, I'd say I'm pretty grateful for 'em (and summer days!)
    
    
77. Joy. It's something that is all around us -- we just have to look for it.
    
    
78. New Places. They can be scary sometimes, but the excitement is part of the fun!
    
    
79. Kisses. There are all sorts of kisses, but all of them are so awesome. 
    
    
80. Memories. I don't like to dwell too much on the past, but it's awesome to look back sometimes.
    
    
81. Excitement. I've had a fair amount of it in my life lately and I love it!
    
    
82. Coziness. It feels so good to cuddle up and be cozy with a great book (or person!).
    
    
83. Thoughts. I have a lot of them (a lot, a lot!) and I'm thankful for every single one.
    
    
84. Internet. Oh, what in the world would I do without you, World Wide Web??
    
    
85. Compassion. It feels wonderful to be compassionate to others.
    
    
86. Journals. All of those blank, beautiful pages!! I cannot get enough of them!
    
    
87. Opinions. I love sharing mine and hearing others' as well.
    
    
88. Water. Another one of those things I tend to take for granted, but it's super important.
    
    
89. Energy. I seem to have a lot of it these days! Yippee!
    
    
90. Questions. When I question things and when others question me, I learn. Love that!  
    
    
91. Time. I've already spent a pretty good amount of time being me, and I'm thankful for that.
    
    
92. Hugs. Not normally a touchy-feely girl, but a good hug can brighten any day.
    
    
93. Earth. This place is pretty cool, if you ask me. Thanks for letting me live here, Earth!
    
    
94. Safety. More often than not, I feel very safe and I'm so lucky to have that privilege.
    
    
95. Strength. I'm not that physically strong, but I have a lot of internal strength that I need to be thankful for.
    
    
96. Independence. It's great to be free, but it's also important to be independent.
    
    
97. Gifts. I adore buying gifts for others (and don't mind receiving them myself! ha!).
    
    
98. Enthusiasm. Life's too short to sit around being bored so get into it!  
    
    
99. Gratitude. Without it, I don't think I would be nearly as happy as I am right now.
    
    
100. YOU. Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading and support this blog. You. Are. Awesome.

Thank you to all of you who wrote in on Wednesday telling me about the things you're thankful for in your own lives. If you have more to add, or if you didn't get a chance on Wednesday, feel free to share with me in the comments section all of the things that you're grateful for today. I'd love to hear about the things that inspire you to have an attitude of gratitude!

Want a high-tech way to encourage that gratitude within you? Check out Gratitude Stream for your iPhone. You can also check out Gratitude Stream on Facebook!

which comes first: happiness or gratitude?

 

 "All happy people are grateful.
Ungrateful people cannot be happy. 
 We think being unhappy leads people to complain, 
 but complaining leads to people becoming unhappy."  

Dennis Prager

 

The other day I spent a great deal of time writing and thinking about gratitude. While I was looking up some great sites about gratitude (see Monday's post for details), I came across the quote that's written above and I thought to myself, "Wow, that really is true." I'm sure there are plenty of people that are ungrateful that experience happy moments, but I don't think anyone who is truly, deeply happy is ungrateful. I think that happiness is something that can take shape in different forms, and the form Prager is talking about is that deep and lasting happiness. Sure, ungrateful people can have their moments of bliss or joy when something's going particularly well in their lives, but I don't think they can truly experience what it means to be deep-down happy until they become grateful for what they have in their lives.

In my experience (and looking at the experiences of others), when you're happy, you become thankful. When you're thankful, you become happy. As I discussed the other day, gratitude really has many positive benefits and I honestly believe that it's one of those things that brings out happiness within me -- no matter what. Even on the worst day, in the worst mood, if I start thinking about the things I have going for me in my life, all of the things I'm grateful for, I instantly feel uplifted. The trick here is actually getting myself to a place where I'm able to let those grateful thoughts in...Sometimes my mind just isn't in the mood for them! Gratitude always, always, always brings a smile to my face once I can get myself to a place where I've opened my mind to it. I'll admit that sometimes it's not easy. When you're facing a heartbreak or when something terrible happens, gratitude isn't always the first thing to come to mind, but once you can bring yourself back to it, you'll find -- as I always do -- that you are inspired and much, much happier.

When I came across the quote above, it really got me thinking about which comes first: the happiness or the gratitude? Are happy people grateful or are grateful people happy? It seems to make sense that happy people would be grateful for their happiness (and for all of the things that make them happy), but it also makes sense that people who are very grateful would be very happy. On the flip side, we can think about unhappiness and ungratefulness. Are those who are ungrateful unhappy? Or are those who are unhappy ungrateful because they feel they have nothing to be grateful for? I suppose one could spend some serious time thinking about and researching this (and I'm sure many already have!), but for me it seems to be one of those chicken-or-the-egg situations. I don't know which one came first, but I do know that both elements are pretty necessary.

Happiness and gratitude are two things that, like the chicken and her egg, go hand in hand with one another. Whichever came first isn't necessarily important; what matters is that they build on one another and they enhance one another. Prager was really onto something in this quote. He really got the idea that gratitude is something that is deeply connected with happiness. Likewise, being ungrateful (or complaining, as he says), is something that relates directly to unhappiness.

I can speak to Prager's point about complaining from first hand experience. I used to be a notorious complainer. Everything was wrong in some way and, even if no one else could see it, I could. I was rarely content because I was always looking for something to moan and groan about. Even if things were going well in my life, I could find a reason to complain. Many times I wouldn't even say it out loud, but it was always there, under the surface, those little thoughts telling me what could be better about every situation. Clearly, all of this complaining and negative analysis didn't make me very happy (nor did it make those spending time with me very happy either!). In fact, it made me downright miserable. I was always looking for the bad. And guess what? I always found it. When you look for something, you find it. When you look for things to complain about, you find them. All of that complaining made me pretty darn unhappy.

These days, I choose to look for the good (which, believe me, isn't always easy!) and I find that I'm a lot happier just because I am grateful for the things around me. Sure, I don't think every situation is perfect, but when I look for the good things in a situation, I find them and I focus on them. I become grateful for them. Most situations/people/things have both good and bad, but I can say with 100% certainty that if you look for the good in them, you will be happier. It takes a lot more effort to be grateful than it does to complain (especially for someone like me, to whom complaining comes naturally!) so I get why a lot of people don't spend more time being grateful. Sometimes it's nearly impossible to snap yourself out of whatever negative mindset you're in and focus on the good, but it's always possible. It's always possible to be grateful for the good things.

Just as I believe happiness is a choice, I believe gratitude is also a choice. It really is quite simply about choosing to focus on the good things instead of the bad. And, if you want to take it one step further, you can focus on the bad things too and realize the reasons you have to be grateful for them. I can say with all certainty that I've had some pretty shitty things happen to me in my life. I can say with even more certainty that I brought many of these things upon myself. I could sit here and whine about them and think about the negative way these things have impacted my life, OR I could be grateful for them. I could look at them and realize that without those things I wouldn't be the person I am today. I wouldn't be as strong or as smart. I wouldn't be as interesting or brave. I wouldn't be anything like the girl I am right now. So today I am grateful for those things -- for all of the things, good and bad, that have made me the person I am today.

Honestly, I don't know whether happiness or gratitude comes first, but what I do know is that, in my life, they work together to make everything better. I am grateful for my happiness. I am happy to have so many things to be grateful for. For those of you living in places that celebrate Thanksgiving, I hope you have a wonderful holiday tomorrow. Take some time to be grateful at this time of year (and always!) and you'll find that happiness lies in everything you are thankful for. To read more about what I'm thankful for this year, stop your big turkey-filled belly by Positively Present on Friday and check out the post "100 Things I Am Thankful For." And, of course, I want to know...

What are YOU thankful for this year?
How do happiness and gratitude play a roll in your life?

Photo Credit: (♥)

the benefits of having a grateful day

 (♥)
 

The other day I was at the grocery store and, as I was checking out and leaving, the woman behind the counter handed me my change and said, "Have a grateful day!" My mind did a double take after hearing this. I'm so used to hearing "Have a great day" that I was surprised by her words. I turned to her and smiled and said, "Thank you! You too!" Of course she had no idea that at that very moment she was inspiring me to write a post about gratitude. Because I think about living in the moment so frequently, I also spend a lot of time thinking about gratitude. Why? Because being grateful helps me stay in the moment. Sometimes I really struggle with being present, even though it's such an important part of my life these days, so when I'm feeling like I just can't handle whatever moment I'm in, I start thinking about all of the things I'm grateful for.

For example, let's say I'm standing in line somewhere and I'm in a hurry and I don't feel well and I have a million things piling up on my desk. Let's say I haven't slept well so I'm extra cranky and it's just before lunchtime so I'm super hungry too. This is one of those moments where I'm not at all feeling like living in the moment. In fact, I'm pretty sure I want to be anywhere other than that moment. So what do I do? I take a deep breath, look around me, and start to focus my mind on gratitude. I ask myself, "What is good about this situation? What is good about my life right now?" When I do this, I instantly find myself centered, in the moment, and actually happy for the moment. I begin to realize that, even though I'm tired and hungry and don't feel so good, all of those things will pass and later that day I'll be in bed, with a full belly, resting and recovering. I realize that even though I'm waiting in a god-awful line in a crowded store that I'm lucky to be standing there, to be alive, and to have a capable mind and body. Believe me, I know how cliche and cheesy and sugary-sweet that sounds (I think the old me would have literally thrown up reading that paragraph), but it really does work. It really does!

When I first began thinking about gratitude, I thought it was all a little ridiculous the way some people went around being grateful for everything. Back when I was much more naive, it seemed to me that so many things were a given and that we didn't really have to think too much about being thankful. In the past, I was happy to write a thank you note or to offer words of gratitude to someone who had helped me out, but the most I ever really thought about being thankful was when the Thanksgiving holiday was approaching and the whole concept of being grateful was forced upon you. I used to not really get the point of being thankful. Always looking for the purpose behind something, I never could quite figure out what I could get out of feeling grateful. I understood what I got out of telling others I was thankful, but I didn't really see the point of spending a lot of time being thankful internally. Until now. Now I realize just how important gratitude is. It actually serves a real, true purpose in my life. I use it to do so many things and you can too! Check out the many uses of gratitude...

The Uses of Gratitude

• Use gratitude to center yourself. This is probably the greatest use I've found for gratitude. Whenever I'm feeling upset or angry or frustrated or down, I think about the things I am grateful for and I feel much, much better. It really is a great tool to use to tackle some of the hardest emotions and I find that it almost always snaps me out of whatever funk I've found myself in.
  
  
• Use gratitude to live in the moment. When I'm struggling to live in the moment (as I often am!), I find that being grateful really helps to bring me into the present. It's easy to get caught up thinking about the past or worrying about the future, but when I look around and start thinking of all the things I have to be grateful for, I find that I'm really, truly living in the moment.
  
  
• Use gratitude to enhance relationships. Nothing makes a relationship better than when you are truly grateful for the other person. Sure, all relationships have ups and downs, but if you keep gratitude in mind no matter what you're going through, you're more likely to have a much better relationship. Be grateful for the people in your life and you'll find that your appreciate comes through in your words and actions.
  
  
• Use gratitude to motivate yourself. Sometimes I find that it's hard to get motivated and I wonder what I can really contribute to the world. That's when I start using gratitude again. Once I start thinking about all of the things I'm thankful for -- including my own abilities -- I feel a lot more inspired. Being grateful can motivate you to believe in yourself and it can also inspire you to look around you and see all that you have to offer the world.
  
  
• Use gratitude to overcome hurdles. Life is pretty hard sometimes, but when you find yourself focusing on what you're grateful for, all of the trials you have to face become more manageable. I can't say that gratitude is a cure all for every problem, but it really does help to put things in perspective when you're going through a tough time. Next time you're feeling down, think of all the things you're grateful for. I guarantee you'll feel inspired!
  
  
• Use gratitude to improve your health. I'm not a doctor or a scientist, but I've read on more than one occasion that being grateful can actually improve your physical health. I don't have any statistics to back up this claim, but I can say that gratitude greatly reduces my stress level, which ultimately makes me a much healthier person. One thing I know for sure: gratitude certainly can't hurt your health, so it's worth a try to start thinking grateful thoughts.
  

Clearly, being grateful has some pretty sweet benefits. I used to think all of this was a bit of nonsense and that people used gratitude as a distraction so they didn't think about all of the miserable parts of their lives, but now I know that I really does have amazing benefits. There are so many things we should all be grateful for and even though it can be really, really hard at times to think about being thankful, it really does make even the worst situations more bearable. I really believe that having a grateful attitude gives us the power to turn any day -- even a really bad one! -- into a day worth celebrating.

When the woman at the grocery store told me to have a grateful day, I was certainly surprised, but then it all began to make sense. Of course I should have a grateful day because if I have a grateful day I'm going to have a day that's pretty close to awesome. Perhaps I am just extremely lucky, but I have so, so many things to be grateful for and once I start thinking about them all I find that I am happier, uplifted, and recognizing just how great my life is. An attitude of gratitude might not be able to transform a terrible day into a perfect one, but it can come pretty darn close.

We might not have the power to control everything in our lives, but we do have the power to take our thoughts and focus them on the positive things. Thinking about all of the things you are grateful for is one of the best ways to do this and I've found that the right attitude can absolutely transform my day. When I am grateful, I am living in the moment, I am happy for the moment. I can honestly say that when I start thinking about all of the things I'm grateful for, even a bad day can start to seem pretty good...

Because of the upcoming holiday -- Thanksgiving! Yay! -- I'll be focusing a lot on gratitude this week on Positively Present. While you're waiting for the next post about gratitude, check out these awesome gratitude resources:

I Am Thankful
5 Benefits of Gratitude
Cultivating Gratitude
Giving Thanks for 21 Blessings in Disguise
The Benefits of Gratitude
Gratefulness.org
Gratitude: A Positive Psychology Perspective

happiness is an open road

  
“One’s destination is never a place,
but a new way of seeing things.”

Henry Miller

Today I'm heading out on a road trip. Though it's not a particularly long one like some of the drives I've been on (driving from DC to LA!), it's still pretty exciting. I do a fair amount of traveling, but I don't do all that much of it in a car. There's something about traveling in the car that's immensely freeing. You can, at any point, stop. You can, at any point, turn down a different road. While I have no problem traveling by plane or train (boats are a different story!), there is something truly unique about being in a car and being able to have some control over where you're going and when you will stop driving. Maybe for me it comes down to a control thing, but I also think it's really fun to just be driving along, traveling through towns and seeing the world from a new, through-the-window perspective.

That's what a road trip does for me -- it offers me a fresh perspective on the world. When I received that Henry Miller quote in my in-box today (after I'd already planned to write about this exciting upcoming adventure!), I thought, "How perfect! And how true!" Going to new places is great -- I really do enjoy to travel -- but the true excitement is not so much the destination as it is the way you have an opportunity to see the world differently. Even if you're going to a place you're familiar with, if it's somewhere you don't go very often, it's likely to allow you a chance to think about things (and to see the world) differently. As Miller said, it's the new way of seeing things that's really our destination. The place is just the means to get to that new perspective that so many of us crave.

Some people have little interest in seeing new places or doing new things. While I definitely find it difficult to break out of my routines sometimes (a whole weekend away from my beloved dog and Mac computer! Ahh!), I always find myself feeling refreshed and excited when I return from a trip. In fact, some of my greatest ideas have come to me while sitting on a plane, train, or in the car. Something about the movement -- the going from here to there and back again -- really inspires me. There is something about going away and coming back again that makes me feel alive.

Not only am I inspired by the actual travel, but I also find it so exhilarating to see and do new things, something I'm more likely to do when I'm in a different place. It takes a lot from me to break away from my routines, but when I do, I find that inspiration is lurking everywhere. In new places I'm always finding new things to ponder and to write about. It's as if, in new places, I find words and sentences and paragraphs lying about and I can just wander around and pick them up, tucking them in my pocket for future use. I often wonder if these people and things and places have any idea how I am absorbing them, turning them into words, and saving them up for later. I often wonder if all of the new experiences realize just how valuable they are to me.

After I decided to write this post, I obviously went scouring the web for a perfect picture. When I first saw the image above, I thought to myself, "Yikes! That looks dangerous!" but then I realized how happy those people looked (and I told myself that the car must be stopped) and I realized just how free the picture made me feel. Something about the hands over the eyes made me think about how much I want to not just see things but feel them as well. I love looking around and finding tangible things that I can read and touch and see, but I don't really spend as much time as I should just feeling -- especially when it comes to awesome experiences like road trips. Often I'm so concerned with what's passing by the window that I don't really stop to ask myself, "What am I feeling right now?"

On this trip, I plan to do that, to ask myself and pay attention to how I'm feeling. I'm going to pay attention not only with my eyes (inspiration is everywhere!) but with my heart and mind as well. I'm going to use this weekend away as a chance to really experience living in the moment, to really feel the moment. I believe that happiness is just like an open road -- it's freeing and exciting, part directed and part unknown. Today I'm looking forward to driving down that open road and really letting the happiness sink into me. I'm sure I'll come across all kinds of new and interesting things that I will take with me in my mind, but my focus will be on feeling the moments as they're happening and realizing that there really is nothing better than having a positive mindset and setting out on an open road. 

Comments on this post are closed because I'm on the road! :)

Photo Credit: (♥)

living life with purpose

 

 

"I think the purpose of life is to be useful,
to be responsible, to be honorable, to be compassionate. 
It is, after all, to matter: to count, to stand for something,
to have made some difference that you lived at all."

Leo Rosten

For most people interested in personal development, the question of life's purpose is often on their minds. There are so many answers, but that one question always remains. When I opened my email this morning and read this quote, I found that I could really relate to Rosten's words. He's really on to something with this statement. Though I think we all have different purposes for our lives, I do think that Rosten addresses some of the basic elements of life's purpose that connect us all. While I cannot speak for everyone, I do know that many people would agree with Rosten's statement and believe that they are living for all of these reasons (and more!). After reading Rosten's quote for the third or fourth time, I began to break it down in my mind, to see all of the various parts he'd put together to make his statement whole. When I took a step back from the quote and looked at divided, I realized that Rosten really did bring some important things to light in terms of what most of us want from life. Here, let's take a look...

We want to be useful. Maybe not everyone feels this way, but I know a lot of people want to be useful. When thinking about life's purpose, they want their lives to be something that will have a good effect on the rest of the world -- or at least on those living in their little corner of the world. Some people seem more into this idea in relation to life's purpose than others (such as those who dedicate their lives to teaching or caring for others), but I think, deep down, we all want to know that our lives have a practical usefulness to them. It's hard to say what usefulness is because it is such a broad term, but I think that we're all useful. We're useful in our jobs, in our actions, in our relationships. We all serve different purposes, but all of them are of use and that's what makes them so important to consider when thinking about the purpose of life.

We want to be responsible. This is a very interesting one for me because for so long I felt like I didn't want to be responsible for my life. I wanted people to do things for me; I wanted things to happen to me. The older I get and the more I know, the more I want to take control of my life and be responsible for it. Not only do I want to be accountable for my actions, but I also want to be accountable for the repercussions of my actions. I want to know that what I'm doing is the right thing, that I'm not acting out of selfishness or haste. When I think about how much responsibility we all have (whether we want to admit it or not!), I realize that this is really one of the purposes of life. I am -- we all are -- meant to be responsible for our lives and even though it's hard for some to get to a place of responsibility, I do think that autonomy and accountability is something we all inevitably seek.

We want to be honorable. When I read this one, I wasn't sure how I felt. Do people really want to be honorable? Of course, it's clear that some do, but there are so many people that act in dishonorable ways that it was hard for me to believe that a purpose of life was to be honorable. But then I thought about it this way... We all really do want be respected and given credit for the things we do. For everyone, these things may be different. Honor might come in the form of negative things for some people and positive things for others, but I think that desire to be honored (even on a small level) is something most people crave. We want to be thought of as worthy of respect (and, in some cases, this can be a negative kind of respect) and we want to know that what we are doing has worth.

We want to be compassionate. This one also struck me as interesting. Do we want to be compassionate or do we want to have compassion in our lives? I, for one, know that I definitely want compassion in my life. I want people to care about me and to feel things for me when I am feeling, but to say that my own purpose in life is to be compassionate seemed off at first. And then I realized that, in fact, I really do want to live a life of compassion because it is one of the best ways to connect with others. At a very basic level, humans want to connect with each other (even when we don't think we do!), and being compassionate is one of the best ways to do this. I don't know about you, but when I am able to connect with someone else in a compassionate way, it feels great. It makes sense, since the need to understand one another is so basic, that it would be part of the purpose of life.

We want to matter. To me, this is one of the most important of all the things Rosten brought up. While I can't speak for everyone, I'm pretty sure most people want to matter. Some people want to matter in a big, grand way. Some people want to matter only in the lives of those who are closest to them. But either way most of us really seem to want that -- to know that our lives count, that we're here for a reason, that we have purpose. And we don't want to matter just to ourselves. We want to matter to others (again, back to the theme of connecting with other people) and some of us want to matter to the world. No matter what (or who) we want to matter to, most of us really do want that recognition, or at least the knowledge, that our lives count in a way that is meaningful.

We want to stand for something. When I was in college, some of the guys I used to hang out with would call me "Beliefs" because I was always going off about some topic I felt passionate about (feminism, animal rights, etc...). They would get a kick out of me sharing my beliefs all the time, and I got a kick out of them calling me "Beliefs." Why? Because this confirmed for me that I stood for something, that I cared about things enough to bring them up and share my thoughts on them. (It also helped to confirm that I had something substantive to offer other than appearance, which I really loved...) I loved (still do!) love believing in things, standing for things, and for that reason I believe that this is something that really does add to my purpose in life.

We want to make a difference. Another tricky one... Does everyone want to make a difference? I know I do. In fact, I probably want that more than anything. When I get emails from people telling me that I've made a difference in their lives, I feel happier than I could even imagine. It's the best feeling. But that's just me. I don't know if everyone wants to make a difference in the world. I know that most of the people I surround myself with make a difference in the world without even knowing it because they make my world a better place. Even people I hardly know make a difference when they leave a comment on my blog or send me an email. Whether or not we want to make a difference, I think our mere presences here impact the world and, like it or not, create the foundation for life's purpose.

I must admit that sometimes I don't like to think about the purpose of life. Sometimes that phrase is just too overwhelming. It puts the pressure on, making me wonder, "What am I doing? Am I really living the life I'm supposed to be living??" Reading Rosten's quote sort of forced me to think about it and I'm glad it did. The purpose of life is a very unique thing. I believe everyone has a different purpose, some of which overlap and some of which don't. Sometimes it's hard to understand the purpose of others, but there is a purpose for everyone and everything. Writing this post has really made me think about what I consider my personal purpose to be. The purpose of one's life is likely to change. If someone had asked me what the purpose of my life was ten years ago, my answer would be quite different I'm sure. Today I'm going to write down the things I want to be, the things that add up to my life's purpose. Someday I will come back to this post and look at these things and I will see how well I've done with them or maybe realize how much they have changed. Here are some of the things I think I'm here for...

To write words that make others think and feel.

To create things that challenge me and/or make me smile.

To accept people and situations for what they are.

To experience life and share my thoughts with others.

To love people and animals with my whole heart.

To be at peace with myself and those around me.

To make others happy through my own quest for joy.

To smile and laugh as often as I possibly can.

To work hard at what I love to do to reach my goals.

To cultivate and sustain meaningful relationships.

To push myself out of my (many!) comfort zones.

To challenge myself and others to embrace positivity.

To live in the moment (even when it's a tough one).

To look for and celebrate the good things in life.

I'm sure if I sat here all day, I could have a list a mile long. Now that I've started thinking about what my purpose is in life, it's actually quite fascinating to me (and a lot less overwhelming!). Putting it in writing makes me realize that life's purpose can be a tangible thing. It doesn't have to be some abstract concept that you can't quite put your finger on it. It can be a list. It can be a whole long string of words with all of the things you want in your life filling in the blanks. It can be anything you want it to be. I know it seems like a  grand task -- writing down the purpose of your life -- but as someone who was overwhelmed to even think about it and who went on to create this extended (albeit not comprehensive) list, I'd strongly recommend you give it a go. And, if you're feeling extra brave, feel free to post your list in the comments section! I know, I know -- it seems daunting to think about your life's purpose on a random Tuesday, but when I started writing this post I had no idea it was going to lead to me thinking about my own purpose and I'm so glad it did. Give it some thought... You might be surprised by what you'll find...

What did you think of Rosten's ideas of what life's purpose is?
Have you given some thought now to your own purpose? What IS your purpose?