positively present

100 things i am thankful for

 (♥)

"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. 
If you concentrate on what you don't have, 
you will never, ever have enough."

Oprah Winfrey

 

This week I've been writing a great deal about gratitude and it's no surprise that this has inspired me to think about all of the things I am thankful for. Every once and awhile I pull out my happy list (click the link to read more about it) and I add things to it. Yesterday, as I was thinking about gratitude, I realized that this list is somewhat like a gratitude journal, in that I'm really both happy and grateful for all of these things in my life. (See Wednesday's post to read more about the connection between happiness and gratitude.) All of the things that make me so happy are things that I'm also grateful for. Yesterday I added a bunch of new things, bringing the list up to 600! As tempting as it is to share all of those with you, I'll sum it up with my top 100...

100 Things I Am Thankful For

1. Life. How cool is that I'm actually here, in this world, living?
   
   
2. Friends. There is no way I could survive without them. Love you guys!
   
   
3. Family. We have our ups and downs, but they really are my foundation.
   
   
4. Love. It's completely magical and amazing, isn't it?
   
   
5. Words. They are literally my life line. I would not be me without them.
   
   
6. Choice. I love that every day I can choose to be happy. Fabulous!
   
   
7. Music. It's one of those things I literally cannot live without.
   
   
8. Color. As you can probably tell from my site, I'm obsessed with it!
   
   
9. Magic. Just read a quote saying magic is in everything. So true!
   
   
10. Art. To quote Ani Difranco, "Art is why I get up in the morning."
    
    
11. Dogs. They are flat out amazing creatures. Love you, Bella! Miss you, Pooky!
    
    
12. Health. I'm a pretty healthy girl and I'm so, so, SO happy about that.
    
    
13. Seasons. Spring, summer, winter, fall -- love 'em all!
    
    
14. Stars. As The Killers sing: "Stars are like rebel diamonds cut out of the sun." How beautiful!
    
    
15. Acceptance. I'm so thankful to those who accept me for who I am.
    
    
16. Rainbows. I've seen more of them this year than in my entire life combined. Amazing!
    
    
17. Blogs. I love writing mine and I love all the blogs I read on a regular basis.
    
    
18. Laughter. There is little better in the world than the laugh-so-hard-you-cry feeling.
    
    
19. Holidays. There's something incredibly exciting about them (especially Halloween!!!!).
    
    
20. Sunshine. I don't see too much of it today, but I love, love, love when the sun's shining.
    
    
21. Books. There's never a time when I'm not thankful for the words of another.
    
    
22. Organization. It might seem boring to some, but I'm really glad I'm organized.
    
    
23. Generosity. One of those things that's just as great to give as it is to get.
    
    
24. Encouragement. So many people have supported me in my life and I'm so lucky to have them.
    
    
25. Accountability. I'm so glad I've finally realized that I'm accountable for myself and my life.
    
    
26. Smiles. I love giving them and getting them. As Buddy the Elf says, "Smiling's my favorite!"
    
    
27. Change. It scares the shit out of me sometimes, but it can be a wonderful thing.
    
    
28. Fun. Who doesn't love a little bit (or a lot!) of fun in their lives?
    
    
29. Housing. This is something I usually take for granted, but I heart my apartment!
    
    
30. Comfort. Comfort food, comfy sweatpants, a comfortable relationship...comfort rocks!
    
    
31. Hope. Sometimes it's hard to find, but it's always there, waiting to lift me up.
    
    
32. Handwriting. It's so cool how we're all so different and this is a great place to see that.
    
    
33. Glitter. C'mon now, you know glitter is just about the awesomest thing ever.
    
    
34. Patience. I don't have very much of it yet, but I'm getting better at it every day!  
    
    
35. Photographs. There is nothing quite like a brilliant image to capture a moment.
    
    
36. Wonderlands. I particularly love Alice in Wonderland, but a winter wonderland is pretty great too.
    
    
37. Honesty. It really is the best policy.
    
    
38. Surprises. As long as they're good, I lovvvvvve them.
    
    
39. August. Best month ever, hands down.
    
    
40. Paw prints. I can't help but smile every time I see them.
    
    
41. Passion. One of the best things: seeing someone passionate about what they do or who they love.
    
    
42. Palm trees. If only they had them on the east coast... I'll be back, Cali!
    
    
43. Dreams. Both the daytime or nighttime variety are pretty cool.
    
    
44. Films. A movie that leaves you feeling moved -- priceless!
    
    
45. Positivity. Look for the good in everything and you will find it.
    
    
46. Knowledge. Gaining and possessing knowledge is one of my favorite things. Ever.
    
    
47. Quality Time. When you get to spend really quality time with someone, it's sooo fantastic.
    
    
48. Animals. How alike and different we are from them! Fascinating!
    
    
49. Kindness. Even the smallest act or word can change a day around...
    
    
50. Sleep. There's nothing like a soft pillow and a warm blanket after a long, hard day.
    
    
51. Dancing. I can't say I'm very good at it, but I love to do it!
    
    
52. Safe Landings. Gotta love those after a turbulence-filled flight!
    
    
53. Food. It's a major part of life, but I often forget to be thankful for it.
    
    
54. Challenges. They may suck at the time, but they always make me a better person.  
    
    
55. Imagination. I don't know where (or who!) I would be without it...
    
    
56. Compliments. Yeah, you know you're thankful for 'em too.
    
    
57. Twitter. It's awesome connecting with people on there and a great resource for new info.
    
    
58. Growing Up. Man, it was tough being in high school... and college... and right-out-of-college...
    
    
59. Freedom. Another thing I often take for granted, but am SO lucky to have.
    
    
60. Plans. I love knowing that fun things are coming up. Putting plans in place is great!
    
    
61. Therapy. Seriously, it has changed my life in so many amazing ways.
    
    
62. Driving. The car, the road, the music... awesome.  
    
    
63. Inspiration. There's nothing quite like coming across something that inspires you.
    
    
64. Peace. I'm not always at peace with myself and the world, but I'm working on it.
    
    
65. Productivity. It feels so great to be getting stuff done.
    
    
66. Emotions. Sometimes it's scary to feel things deeply, but it's also very wonderful.
    
    
67. Creativity. It's such a great feeling to make something and know it came from your heart. 
    
    
68. Good News. We all know there's a lot of bad news out there, so it's great to hear the good stuff.
    
    
69. Clothes. Even though I'm a grown-up, I still love playing dress up. Heart you, Chanel & Marc Jacobs!
    
    
70. Apologies. It feels great to hear them and even better to say them.
    
    
71. Forgiveness. This is also pretty great if you're in the wrong...
    
    
72. Weekends. Ahh, to be work-free for a few days. Love it!
    
    
73. Magazines: Nylon, Bitch, Bust, Real Simple, InStyle... I heart you.
    
    
74. Now. It's awesome to live in the moment. The only time we have is NOW!
    
    
75. Respect. One of the best things we can do is respect others -- and ourselves.
    
    
76. Bathing Suits. Considering I have about 32 of them, I'd say I'm pretty grateful for 'em (and summer days!)
    
    
77. Joy. It's something that is all around us -- we just have to look for it.
    
    
78. New Places. They can be scary sometimes, but the excitement is part of the fun!
    
    
79. Kisses. There are all sorts of kisses, but all of them are so awesome. 
    
    
80. Memories. I don't like to dwell too much on the past, but it's awesome to look back sometimes.
    
    
81. Excitement. I've had a fair amount of it in my life lately and I love it!
    
    
82. Coziness. It feels so good to cuddle up and be cozy with a great book (or person!).
    
    
83. Thoughts. I have a lot of them (a lot, a lot!) and I'm thankful for every single one.
    
    
84. Internet. Oh, what in the world would I do without you, World Wide Web??
    
    
85. Compassion. It feels wonderful to be compassionate to others.
    
    
86. Journals. All of those blank, beautiful pages!! I cannot get enough of them!
    
    
87. Opinions. I love sharing mine and hearing others' as well.
    
    
88. Water. Another one of those things I tend to take for granted, but it's super important.
    
    
89. Energy. I seem to have a lot of it these days! Yippee!
    
    
90. Questions. When I question things and when others question me, I learn. Love that!  
    
    
91. Time. I've already spent a pretty good amount of time being me, and I'm thankful for that.
    
    
92. Hugs. Not normally a touchy-feely girl, but a good hug can brighten any day.
    
    
93. Earth. This place is pretty cool, if you ask me. Thanks for letting me live here, Earth!
    
    
94. Safety. More often than not, I feel very safe and I'm so lucky to have that privilege.
    
    
95. Strength. I'm not that physically strong, but I have a lot of internal strength that I need to be thankful for.
    
    
96. Independence. It's great to be free, but it's also important to be independent.
    
    
97. Gifts. I adore buying gifts for others (and don't mind receiving them myself! ha!).
    
    
98. Enthusiasm. Life's too short to sit around being bored so get into it!  
    
    
99. Gratitude. Without it, I don't think I would be nearly as happy as I am right now.
    
    
100. YOU. Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading and support this blog. You. Are. Awesome.

Thank you to all of you who wrote in on Wednesday telling me about the things you're thankful for in your own lives. If you have more to add, or if you didn't get a chance on Wednesday, feel free to share with me in the comments section all of the things that you're grateful for today. I'd love to hear about the things that inspire you to have an attitude of gratitude!

Want a high-tech way to encourage that gratitude within you? Check out Gratitude Stream for your iPhone. You can also check out Gratitude Stream on Facebook!

14 reasons to fall in love with fall

 

"Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it,
and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth
seeking the successive autumns."

George Eliot

For as long as I can remember, fall has been my favorite time of year. I've always thought this was because I was born in late August so fall was the very first season I experienced. Whether that's the reason or not, the truth is this: I cannot get enough of fall. The colors, the holidays, the changes -- it's all so magical to me. Every year it's similar, but every year feels like I'm experiencing it for the first time. As I've been working for the past few months on living positively in the present moment, it makes a lot of sense to me to celebrate this present of mine -- the beautiful change in season -- and to give some thought to all of the things I love about fall. When talking about happiness, one of the key aspects that often comes up is gratitude. Like many people, I don't spend enough time focusing on what I'm grateful for (and I know I'd be a lot happier if I did!) so today I'm going to write about something I'm grateful right now in this very moment -- the reasons I love fall. So, here you have 'em... 
 

14 Reasons to Fall in Love with Fall

1. Orange is everywhere. It was years ago that Elle in Legally Blonde uttered the unsettling phrase, "Whoever said orange was the new pink is seriously disturbed," and I think she'd be eating her words these days. I've loved orange for as long as I can remember, but it's finally getting its due this year. Check out this article in the LA Times all about how orange is a hot trend for fall. I adore orange so it's always so great for me when fall comes around and suddenly all of the store windows are putting up their orangey goodness. I love orange so much this season, in fact, that I've gone ahead a purchased this orange couch. It was just delivered this week and I'm in orange heaven.
   
   

2. It's the most wonderful time of the year. Okay, I know that phrase come from a Christmas song, but Halloween is my Christmas. You know that excited feeling in the pit of your stomach that you get when you're a little kid and Christmas is just around the corner? Yeah, that's how I feel for the whole month of October. I love, love, love Halloween. I love the candy. I love the dressing up. I love the colors (hence the black/white/orange theme of my new apartment). I love it all (well, actually, I don't like anything having to do with frightening things, which makes my little obsession even more peculiar...). I get really, really into Halloween -- decorating, baking, sending cards -- so once fall comes around, it's a signal for the most wonderful, Halloween-y time of the year to begin!
   
   

3. The weather becomes dream-like. Where I live, the summers are too hot and humid, the springtime is unpredictable, and the winter is way too cold for my tastes. Fall, however, is perfect. Sometimes I will walk outside and think to myself, "This weather could not possibly be more perfect." It's almost as if the perfect mix of sun and clouds and slight chill was combined together to create the best weather ever. In particular, I love feeling the contrast of a warm day followed by a chilly night. While I often miss the lazy days of summer spent poolside, nothing can compare with the perfect temperatures and soft breeze of an autumn afternoon.
   
   

4. The fashion world flourishes. I know it's materialistic and totally uncool in the world of personal development, but I have to admit that I love fashion. I love picking out outfits, trying on clothes, and finding the perfect look. It's completely shallow, I know, but I really find something beautiful in matching colors and fabrics and experimenting with new ideas and trends. Fall is a really important time for fashion. So important, in fact, that there's even a movie out about Vogue's fall issue, The September Issue (can't wait to see it!). Fall is a big deal in the fashion world. Here are 5 Fall-tastic Posts from loyal PP reader, Meream, that you must check out. And here's a great article for the guys about Men's Fall Fashion.
   
   

5. You can curl up cozily by a fire. Though in general I'd  have to say that fire makes me a little nervous, I love a good fireplace fire. There is absolutely nothing in the world like grabbing a great book (or my Kindle!) and snuggling up to a fireplace alight with oranges and reds and even some deep blues. Even better is when you leave the room for a minute and return to find the fire still blazing, warm and waiting for you. There is nothing like curling up in front of a warm hearth (preferably with a cute animal of some kind) to get that cozy feeling that comes with fall. I'm not a fan of cold weather at all, but, when it starts to get chilly, a fire is a great way to turn up the heat.
    

6. Fresh school supplies pop up everywhere. Yeah, it's been awhile since I've been in school, but I still love new school supplies. There's nothing like a new pack of pens or a great new notebook to get this little writer all fired up. And markers! Don't even get me started on markers! I'm not even sure why in the world a 26-year-old needs markers, but I certainly love the feeling that comes along with opening a new box and exposing all of those beautiful colors. When I was younger, shopping for school supplies was one of my favorite things to do. I guess it just goes to show that even if you grow up you don't have to stop doing some of your favorite things!
   
   

7. New autumnal smells permeate the air. The first time you catch a whiff of smoke coming from a neighbor's chimney, you know fall as officially arrived. That smell mingles in with the dry leaves cluttering the ground and your olfactory senses can't deny that the smell of fall is in the air. When I lived in California, I missed this smell terribly. There is nothing that really compares with it and it's one of those things that would probably go unnoticed if a new (always sunny) environment didn't bring it to your attention. Now that I live back on the east coast, I am so aware of the changing seasons and cannot help but take notice of the way the smells change as the pages of the calendar flip by. Fall is filled with distinguishing scents and they fill my nose with happiness.
   
   

8. Leaves are always crackling underfoot. If you love fall, there's nothing like the sound of leaves crinkling and breaking underneath your shoes. It's a sound and a feeling I don't think I've ever grown tired of, no matter how many times I've heard or felt it. In fact, I seek it out. If I can walk through a cluster of leaves or around it, you better believe I'm going to walk through them, doing my best to crunch as many as possible. As a kid, I used to enjoy jumping in piles of leaves, but after hearing one too many stories about potential snake encounters, I've retired that activity. But just because I don't jump in doesn't mean I don't enjoy a good leaf-crunching. It's one of the best fall-time activities there is!
   
   

9. The changing trees look like rainbows. As the leaves change, occasionally you'll see a tree that's faded from red to orange to yellow to green. Or you'll see a row of trees that are all changing differently, creating a rainbow-like effect. Since I'm a big fan of color (and rainbows in particular), I love seeing the way nature creates its own on-the-ground rainbows in the fall. It's beautiful to see the leaves changing and it's also pretty amazing that they do it every year. When I was a kid, I used to think it was so magical, as if the trees just knew to change colors. Now, I know better (see this article on "Why Leaves Change Color"), but it's still pretty magical to see it happening, the little shifts in color every day. Beautiful!
   
   

10. Skies can transform from slate grey to brilliant blue. The clouds can be hanging low, radiating a deep, dark gray that makes you feel as if you should be at home, in bed, reading your favorite novel with a nice up of tea, and a few moments later the sky can explode into the most brilliant, perfect shade of blue. In the fall, it seems as though the sky is always shifting, not sure if it's ready to settle down in the gloomy overcast of winter and not quite ready to let go of the warm summer sunshine. Having felt this way many times myself (to be gloomy or not to be gloomy...?), I can relate to the weather patterns in the fall. Whether it's a storm-colored or sun-washed sky, there is something equally interesting about the various looks of fall. Some moments are gloriously colorful and others are muted by the skies dark hues. Either way, there is emotion in the autumn skies and I love that about them.  
    
    

11. Warm drinks heat things up. Now I've seen quite a few mentions about Starbucks' Pumpkin Spice Lattes on Twitter and on other blogs, so I'll start there. These things are delicious and you can't get them just any time you want 'em. You have to wait until the fall. And all of that waiting makes them even more delicious. In addition to these delicious drinks, you can also indulge in hot chocolate and warm apple cider. Yum! There's nothing like some mini marshmallows or a swirling cinnamon stick to make you feel warm inside and out. It's especially nice when you can have one of these warm drinks outside, the heat from the liquid warming you every time you take a sip.
    
    

12. Football season has its big kickoff. Anyone who knows me and is reading this is probably like, "Whaaaaat?" at the sight this one. I'll be honest; I am not -- and I repeat NOT -- a sports girl. I don't play sports. I don't want to play sports. And, quite honestly, I don't even like watching sports. But there's something about football season (and that's American football for all of you non-USA peeps) that is just exciting. People get so into the games (still not really sure why...) and whenever you watch a game with a bunch of people, there is just this energy in the room with everyone cheering for their favorite teams. Not to mention there are always delicious snacks to be had at any good football party...
    
    

13. Seasonal treats make their debut. Some of my favorite foods come out in full force when the weather starts to cool down. For example, apples. They are at their best when it's fall. They are delicious by themselves or (if I'm lucky and my mom makes one) in a pie. And, even more important than apples is candy corn. There is absolutely nothing in the world better than a fresh bag of Brach's candy corn (and, yes, they have to be fresh; stale ones are just no good). Since I don't eat these any other time of the year, they feel like an extra special fall treat when I pick up a big in mid-September. And, yep, there's one stashed in my desk right now!
    
    

14. The spirit of change is in the air. I saved one of the best for last. Fall, whether you like it or not, is all about change. The season is changing. The weather (in most places) is changing. Change is all around us and it's deliciously intoxicating. Though many people think of the New Year as a time for change, a time to make resolutions, I've always thought of fall as a great time to change things up. I guess this comes from the fact that, as a kid, fall is the new (school) year. After years and years of getting used to the idea that things would be new in September, I've kind of gotten used to thinking of fall as a time for new beginnings, and that's one of the most wonderful things about this time of year.
    
    
    
    

Re-reading this post, I'm actually kind of surprised. I always knew I was a fan of the autumn season, but I had know idea I could write this much about it. (You'd think if I had this much to say about a season, I'd be well on my way with that novel already!) But I suppose this post was a good one for me because it gave me a chance to tune in to something that I really love and write a great deal about it. There's nothing like writing a passionate post to brighten an overcast fall day... I would highly recommend writing about something that means a lot to you; even just jotting down a few notes about it will instantly brighten your spirits. Clearly, something that lifts my mood is thinking (and writing!) about fall, but I'd love to hear what you think about this season...

Do you celebrate the awesomeness of autumn as much as I do?
If you're cheering on the change of season, what do you love most about it?
If you're not falling in love with fall, what IS your favorite time of the year? Why?

turn the dial and tune in to happiness

As you may or may not know, I used to be a pretty negative person. I spent a lot of time being sad or angry or lonely. I just kept living how I was living because I thought that was what I was expected to do, until I realized -- almost out of the blue -- that I could choose to be happy. I had the ability to make happiness happen in my life. I had my dial set on unhappy and it took me a long, long time to realize that I didn't have to listen to the preset station. I could just reach over, spin the dial, and change the station. And here I am now, tuning into happiness and realizing that I don't have to live in a preset state. This hasn't always been the easiest thing to do. It's tempting to stick with the stations we know -- static and all -- but I'm learning that a little change (or a lot of change!) can be a pretty good thing. Tuning into happiness is one of the best things you can do for yourself (and for the world around you).

Over the past few months, I've been focusing on happiness -- not on how to find it, but on how to create it. Yes, YOU can create your own happiness. What's the #1 ingredient for happiness? YOU! You have the power to be happy (or not) and you have the power to pick your preset stations in life, or, better yet, not to have any preset stations. The other night I was watching Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle and my ears perked up when I heard this exchange:

Harold: Listen to the presets.

Kumar: Your whole life is preset. Try something new.

This brief conversation between the two stars (one who is uptight and organized, the other who's a bit of a hot mess) of this film got me thinking: What are my preset buttons? What am I doing in my life that's on auto-pilot? It made me think, also, about what my preset buttons used to be. For example, today it's really cloudy and gloomy and I have tons of work-related stuff that I just don't want to do. I'm also a bit stressed about my upcoming trip (yes, I'm stressed about a vacation, haha). The old me would default to a grumpy, stressed-out persona. It's tempting today to fall back on that preset (and, I'll admit, I did it a bit this morning with my mom -- sorry mom!) but I'm working to keep an upbeat, positive attitude despite the work load, stress levels, and shitty weather. I'm working on finding a new station -- one that allows me to be happy in spite of all the annoying things I'm dealing with right now. And you know what? It's not as hard as I would have thought to turn that frown upside down and look for the good in life. After all, there are a lot of good things to focus on.

What's one of the good things I'm focusing on right now? The fact that I just discovered that August is Happiness Happens Month! According to the Secret Society of Happy People, August is the month to recognize and express happiness and stop raining on other people's parades. How awesome is that? As I found out on the website for the Secret Society of Happy People, "In 1999 the Society declared August 8th as Admit You're Happy Day (now Happiness Happens Day). Thanks to the response of not-so-secretly-happy people from around the world, the celebration was expanded to include the month of August in 2000."

Considering that August is one of my favorite months, I was quite excited to learn about Happiness Happens Month. It sounds like this is the perfect month to tune into your happiness. But how? I've put together a list of Happiness Happens Month ideas. Some are from The Secret Society of Happy People's website, which you can check out here and some are my own brilliant ideas, many of which I've discovered only recently as I've been on my exploration for how I can find happiness within myself. Make this a happy month by...

• Hosting a Happiness Happens celebration (or, if you're me, a Happy Birthday celebration!)
• Making use of happy resources like Happier.com or The Happiness Project Toolbox
• Celebrating happy memories by creating a happy memory book for you or someone you love
• Leading a Happiness Happens activity at work (see the site for details)
• Taking the Happy Challenge (this is great!)
• Remembering all of the day's happy moments when you get in bed at night
• Creating a happy list (I have over 500 things on mine!)
• Tweeting, blogging, etc. about Happiness Happens Month
• Sharing happy stories that you hear in the news with others
• Playing the Happy Nicknames Game with friends or coworkers
• Having a Happiness Happens art show where you create happy art
• Finding the silver lining in every difficult situation you encounter
• Dropping nice notes around (you can download 'em FREE at Operation NICE)
• Joining a Happiness Project group in your area
• Reading positive or happy books (for ideas, click here)
• Downloading the Live Happy iPhone app or Gratitude Stream

Of course these are only a few of the many, many possibilities for celebrating Happiness Happens Month. After reading those, I bet you've come up with some ideas of your own. And after reading this post, I bet you're thinking about the preset stations in your life. If you're suck on something negative, change the channel. When you encounter negativity in your life, think about Kumar's comment. Are you stuck on your preset response? Is that a positive response? If so, that's great and keep it up! If not, remind yourself that it's Happiness Happens Month and YOU have to make the happiness happen.

Are you living your life by preset stations? Are you tuned into happiness?
How are you going to make happiness happen for you this month?

living my happily ever after now

 

There was a time
I packed my dreams away
Living in a shell
hiding from myself
There was a time
when I was so afraid
I thought I'd reached the end
But, baby, that was then
I am made of more
than my yesterdays

This is my now
I'm breathing in the moment
As I look around
Can't believe the love I see
My fears behind me
Gone are shadows of doubt
That was then
This is my now

I have courage
like never before
I've settled for less
Now I'm ready for more
Ready for more

This is my now
I'm breathing in the moment
As I look around
Can't believe the love I see
My fears behind me
Gone are shadows of doubt
That was then
This is my now

Jordin Sparks

 

A little while back, in the post "the lucky number seven" (see #5), I mentioned that I was working on an art project. After gathering all of those images of happy people and pasting them to a canvas, adding my favorite phrase "live happily ever now," I've finally completed the project. I feel great about it and I really think it's a great thing to wake up to every morning (it's hanging across from my bed so it's the first thing I see when I open my eyes!). Looking at the large canvas hanging on the wall cluttered with images of happy smiling people certainly makes it a lot easier for me to choose happiness every morning (though I will admit that today, with its low hanging clouds and gloomy attitude, it wasn't all that easy!). Every morning I'm striving to say my new mantra when I wake. After opening my eyes, I say to myself, "Today I choose to be happy." Sounds simple enough, but it's not always. Sometimes I want to say, "I choose to be a real bitch" or "I choose to be in a mood so bad that no one around me can be happy." But I don't. Not anymore.

Happiness is a choice. Why am I so certain about this? How can I say this with such certainty? Because I'm living proof of this statement. Every day I face unhappiness. I am naturally prone to it. I veer toward the negative side of life and then I take hold of the wheel and say to myself, "No! Today I choose to be happy." I make the choice every day not to venture down that old path, the path of sadness and loneliness and depressive thoughts that kept me from being the person I always wanted to be. Some days it's not an easy choice. Some days it feels like it's the hardest choice I've ever had to make. But at the end of the day I am always, always thankful that I chose the happier path.

When I was a kid, I used to think there was such a thing has "happily ever after." I used to think I would grow up, become a famous writer (or the editor of Vogueas I often dreamed about), live in an amazing Manhattan apartment with my amazing and loving husband, and have so much money I couldn't stand it. I imagined myself blissfully happy, busy and fulfilled, my life filled with friends and parties and all of the beautiful clothes I could ever want (after all, the editor of Vogue does get all of the latest and greatest fashions, right?). To me, that was the fairy tale life -- the man, the career, the happiness (am I a baby of the '80s or what?!). I thought I would have it all and I thought that all I had to do was work hard and look pretty and it would all fall into place.

But these are dreams of childhood, and, as we all know, they don't last forever. When I was in middle school I started to doubt real life dreams. I cannot tell you how many times I've read in my journals over the past week or so, "Dreams don't come true! They don't!" I was angry and bitter at my discovery that the world wasn't all fantastic and perfect and magical. This place I was in wasn't the animated set of a Disney film. This was real life and I wasn't quite sure I was down with it.

I believed in the possibility of happiness (there was still a bit of hope in those old journals), but I wasn't quite sure where happiness came from. Could I buy it? (That didn't seem to work.) Could I blame the lack of it on society? (That didn't work either.) Could I look for it other people? (That didn't work and, in fact, seemed to bring about more despair and doubt.) Could I move away and find it? (That didn't pan out so well either.) Could I alter my mind with drugs and alcohol to find it? (That also brought about more unhappiness.) Could I research it? (That wasn't a bad idea but it still didn't really work.) How in the world, I wondered, could I find this elusive happiness?

Years and years and years of searching have brought me to the happily ever after that I find myself in now. No, I'm not working for Vogue (though I'd still love to -- call me, Vogue!). No, I'm not married to the man of my dreams (and actually have no desire to be married). No, I don't live in Manhattan in a fabulous apartment (but I do have a pretty decent one near the great city of DC). I am not living a "dream" life, but I do believe I've managed to achieve one goal -- and it is the most important goal of all -- being happy.

Right now I am living in my happily ever after. It's not someday. It's not with someone else. It's not when I have my dream job (yes, I know I will someday!). It's RIGHT NOW. This is my happily ever after. This is, as Jordin Sparks sings, my now. I can choose to love it, to be happy in it, to consider this my happily ever after. Or I can be miserable. Which would you choose if you were given the choice? Oh, wait, you are given the choice! You are no different than me. You can wake every day and choose to be happy. Yes, you can! C'mon, you know you want to...Okay, so you want to, but you don't know how? Don't worry! I just came across some strategies for choosing happiness over on Oprah's website. (I love that site!) Here are the strategies:

How to Live Happily Ever After NOW

(Thanks, Oprah's website!)

1. Don't worry, choose happy. The best way to choose happiness is to be aware of what's going on in your mind. We have the ability to thwart "negative emotions such as pessimism, resentment and anger. And we can foster positive emotions, such as empathy, serenity, and especially gratitude." Though many say we all have a set level of happiness, you can decide to be happier by looking at your mind and understanding where the negative and positive emotions lie. You can choose which ones to focus on (not easy, but definitely possible!).
   
   
2. Cultivate gratitude. If you focus on being grateful for what you have, you're a lot more likely to be happy. After all, if you're focusing on what you do have, rather than what you don't have, you're shifting your attention to the positive. One bit of advice that I like (and is very similar to my happy list idea) is to list the things you are grateful for every day. "This shifts people away from bitterness and despair [says author of Authentic Happiness, Martin Segilman] and promotes happiness." Give it a try -- it's a great way to choose happiness!
   
   
3. Foster forgiveness. I love this advice: "In his book, Five Steps to Forgiveness, Everett Worthington Jr. offers a five-step process he calls REACH. First, Recall the hurt. Then Empathize and try to understand the act from the perpetrator's point of view. Be Altruistic by recalling a time in your life when you were forgiven. Commit to putting your forgiveness into words. You can do this either in a letter to the person you're forgiving or in your journal. Finally, try to Hold on to the forgiveness. Don't dwell on your anger, hurt, and desire for vengeance."
   
   
4. Counteract negative thoughts. John Haidt, author of The Happiness Hypothesis, compares the human mind to the concept of riding an elephant. "The elephant represents the powerful thoughts and feelings—mostly unconscious—that drive your behavior. The man, although much weaker, can exert control over the elephant, just as you can exert control over negative thoughts and feelings." Sometimes the elephant is strong and you can't control her as easily, but, ultimately, you are the one in control of learning how to overcome negativity.
   
   
5. Remember $ can't buy happiness. It's no surprise to me that "once income climbs above the poverty level, more money brings very little extra happiness." We often look for new things to buy if the ones we have aren't making us happy, instead of realizing that it's not things that bring happiness at all. We choose to be happy. Nothing (no thing) can do that for us. 
    
   
6. Foster friendship. We all know it, but I'll quote the article here: "There are few better antidotes to unhappiness than close friendships with people who care about you." So choose happiness by choosing to spend time with your friends (and, no, online time doesn't count according to the article). The best way to make and keep lasting friendships, I've found, is to be yourself. Be you and the the friends with find you.
   
   
7. Engage in meaningful activities. Like reading Positively Present! Okay, maybe that's not exactly what the article meant, but apparently we are "seldom happier...than when we're in 'the flow,' [which] is a state in which your mind becomes thoroughly absorbed in a meaningful task that challenges your abilities." So find something meaningful to you and absorb yourself in it. (This definitely works for me in relation to writing/blogging. I am so happy when I'm in the zone, totally focused on what I'm doing.)

I'm pretty sure all of these are great ideas for choosing to live happily ever right now. If you want to read the full article (and you should!), you can check it out on Oprah's site here. And if you want to distract yourself even further from your job/kids/etc., take the "How Happy Are You?" test on the site. (I scored a 26, which means I'm not completely satisfied with my life, but I'm not dissatisfied either...hmm...looks like I have some work to do...).

If you take one thing away from this (long, long) post, I would like it to be this: You can choose to live happily ever after right now. You don't need anything or anyone else to do this. There is no perfect time. There is no happily ever after in the future somewhere. There is now. And there is happy. And you can have happiness right now. You deserve it. So, go on, choose to be happy!

a happy list, a happy you

 

 

"Happiness is wanting what you get" is a quote I'm sure you've heard many times before. Even though we've heard it and we understand it, these words are easily forgotten when there are so many reasons to think about what we don't have. We live in a society driven by want. We're supposed to want to have the newest fashions, to live in the nicest house, to have a loving relationship, to be surrounded by fun and friends. Advertising and media encourage us to keep wanting, to be forever unsatisfied by what we have now. But if we focus on the future, on what we want to have, we are missing out on thinking about and enjoying what we already have. The constant state of desire so many of us are in only leads to unhappiness; it only perpetuates a feeling of never having enough.

In response to the constant wanting I was feeling, about a year ago, I started a happiness list. In a beautiful, bound journal, I keep a list of all the things that make me happy. Right now I have about 500 things on that list and it's constantly growing. You might think 500 is a lot of things, but if you sit down and think about the things that make you happy, you would be surprised how many you could list!

Every so often I sit down with the journal and write down new things that make me happy. It could be anything from "the color orange" to "the praise-filled email I received at work" -- if it makes me happy, it makes the list. Whether I list small things or big things, specific or general, writing out a list of things that make me happy makes me even happier (I should at that to the list!). Thinking about all of the things I am grateful for also puts my life, and whatever may be bothering me or bringing me down, in perspective. It's easy to get caught up in thinking about and listing all of the things we don't have or hope to have some day, but taking the time to create a list of all of the things that make you truly happy can be very inspiring. It also reminds us to stay focused on the present and to celebrate the life we have right now.

As an example, here are a few things that are making me happy right now:

1. Sunshine spilling all over the grass outside my window 
2. Only 7 hours left until the work week is over
3. Knowing that it's officially spring
4. The Happiness Project email I read this morning
5. Chatting with my friends online about the weekend
6. Feeling refreshed after a good night's sleep
7. Thoughts of seeing my dog later today
8. Writing about positivity on my blog
9. Warm air coming from the heater under my desk
10. Recalling lyrics from new songs I heard on the way to work

These are only a few examples of things that are making me happy right now, but I strongly urge you to create your own happiness list and add to it periodically. Even just looking back over the things I've written can bring a smile to my face and remind me just how much positivity I really do have in my life. You might be surprised just how much a simple list can impact you!