positively present

words to live by: we will recover

(♥)

Been torn apart, 
Got so many scratches and scars, 
Maybe they wont all go away, 
But they'll fade, 
Maybe time can mend us together.. again. 
Its not what we've done but, how far we've come. 

We will recover 
The worst is over, now. 
All those fires we've been walking through, 
And still we survive, somehow. 
We will recover 
The worst is behind 
And it hurts, but in time, I know that we will recover. 

Got so much to lose, 
Seems I've lost my power to choose, oh 
What to love and when to let go, 
That all changed, 
Get bitten once and then your afraid 
What a waste, 
Look what we've done, 
How far we've come.. 

We will recover, 
The worst is over, now. 
All those fires we've been walking through, 
And still we survive, somehow. 
We will recover, 
The worst is behind, 
And it hurts, but in time, I know that we will recover. 
Everybody's gotta, a reason to cry, 
And everybody fights but, not everyone survives 
And everybody's searching, not everybody finds 
And I'm still in recovery, and I'll make it alive? 

We will recover, 
The worst is over, now. 
All those fires we've been walking through 
And still we survive, somehow. 

We will recover 
The worst is behind, and it hurts but in time, 
I know that we will recover, 
The worst is over, now. 
And all those fires we've been walking through, 
And still we survive, somehow. 
We will recover, 
The worst is behind 
And it hurts, but in time, I know that we will recover 

"Recover"
Natasha Bedingfield 

 

"Words To Live By" is a segment on Positively Present that features my favorite quote or lyrics from the week. Every Sunday I post a quote or lyrics that have inspired me with the hope that they'll inspire you too. Comments will be closed on these posts, but feel free to tweet the post if you enjoy it or contact me via Twitter. 

april showers + may flowers: positive thinking in tough times

(♥)

Back in the day -- long before I even knew about the concept of positivity -- I learned the phrase: "April showers bring May flowers." I always thought of it as a silly thing my mom would say, one of the sayings she'd plucked from her Irish background and sprinkled almost daily in my life. For a long time I ignored this cheery saying, thinking it was just a way to excuse the mood-altering rain that always seemed to find its way into my life during the fourth month of the year. But, the more I think about, the more I realize how important this saying is -- and how further it goes past storm clouds and budding blossoms.

When you're going through a tough time, usually the last thing you want to think about is the good time to come. When faced with unhappiness or negative emotions, it can be hard to see through the rain clouds to a time when sunshine will once again brighten your life. However, looking past those clouds to a brighter, better day is exactly what you need to do when times are tough. I used to be irritated by the notion that, when things are tough, they'll someday get better, but having been through some really tough storms and arriving in a place of sunshine, I know all too well how important focusing on the positive can be.

Below are some of the reasons why it really does benefit you to celebrate the showers (and storms) in your life. Hard as it might seem at the time, focusing on what's good -- whether it's appreciating what you still have right in front of you or acknowledging the cliched-but-true notion that things will get better -- will transform whatever you're going through into something that you -- yes, you! -- can actually handle.

 

Why You Should Embrace the April Showers of Your Life
 

1. You teach yourself to be positive, no matter what. When you find yourself staying positive through a difficult time, you'll feel amazing. Getting to the point in your life -- or in the way you think about your life -- where you can take a negative situation and see the good in it is one of the best feelings. Embracing the difficult times in your life will, without you even realizing it, teach you to be positive no matter what comes along. 

2. You grow stronger with every single storm you weather. With every single difficulty you face in your life, you become a little bit stronger. It's hard to realize this when you're actually going through a tough time, but no matter what the outcome, you gain strength from every hardship. And that's a great reason to embrace the struggles you face in your life. Every single one of them is making you stronger. 

3. You need the tough times to bring out the best in your life. I'm sure you've heard it before: "Without the rain, there can be no rainbow." Cliche? Yes. True? Yes! Without the really tough times in your life, it can be hard to appreciate all of the awesome things. It would be great if we could just have awesomeness at all times, but the tough times really do help us to see (and be grateful for) what we have in our lives. 

4. You will uncover new things about yourself -- and your life. Another cliche, but true, face is that when you're struggling to make it through a tough time, you'll learn a lot about yourself and your life. When in the midst of a difficult situation, this fact can be hard to wrap your mind around -- but it's one of the greatest things about a tough time. Whether you realize it initially (or years later), you always learn something when you struggle to get through a difficulty. 

5. You can be refreshed and revitalized by a spring rain. Just like the flowers begin to bloom after April showers, you too can be refreshed and begin to blossom after a tough time. It might not happen right away, but with time, you will see that any difficulty you've struggled to overcome has left you feeling oddly renewed. Though you may feel beaten down at first (as I'm sure those flowers' stems do when the rains come), you'll eventually begin to show your true colors, blossoming into a new self after the storm has passed. 

 

There are many reasons to doubt the power of an April shower. As someone who seriously dislikes the rain (literally and figuratively), I know how hard it can be to see the benefit behind a downpour -- or even the benefit of a seemingly ageless phrase. But the benefits are there. I've seen them, having found myself nearly drowning in a downpour a time or two and miraculously finding myself stronger, smarter, and more grateful after the storms eventually passed. Difficult as it might seem, you too can find the benefits in whatever storm you're facing. The next time you find yourself faced with a storm in your life, come back to this post and remind yourself that many good things can come from a little rain. The April showers in life might be tough to weather, but waiting on the other side of a rain-soaked time is a serious dose of sunshine -- and a better, stronger you.

How do you weather the April showers in your life? 
Have you experienced any of these benefits from weathering
difficult situations in your own life?  

5 tips for trumping tragedy with positivity

(♥)

When you're going through a true tragedy, the kind of life-altering heartache that can take a lifetime to recover from, one of the last things you want to be thinking about is staying positive. In times of tragedy, the word positivity can sound like a foreign concept, the kind of fantastical notion that only naive children believe in. It may be unbearable to consider being positive when tragedy strikes, but it is one of the best ways to rise above whatever pain and hurt you are facing and move forward with your life. Being positive in general can be a challenge and it's even more difficult when you find yourself in a terrible situation. For this reason, it's important to deal with using positivity in times of tragedy from a unique perspective. It's not enough to say "look for the good in everything" or "spend time laughing." Regular positivity tips and tricks won't always work when dealing with a particularly heartbreaking or disturbing scenario. For times of tragedy, things are a bit different and this is why I've put together a list of the top five ways to use positive thinking to improve your outlook if you're facing a tragic situation.

 

 

5 Tips for Using Positivity to Trump Tragedy

 

1. Be open to gratitude. One of the very first things you can do when faced with tragedy is open your mind to grateful thinking. It might seem like one of the last things you want to do when you're going through a particularly hard time, but it's one of the first things you should turn to when you're struggling. While an "attitude of gratitude" might sound terrifically cliche, focusing on the elements you're grateful for when things aren't going well is one of the quickest ways to bring your mind back to a positively present state. If you can focus on what you have to be grateful for in your life right now, you can steer your mind in a positive direction. Even the most basic things -- like being alive -- are worth considering. Even during the absolute worst of times, there is something to be thankful for.

 

2. Keep yourself busy. When tragedy strikes, the last place you want to find yourself is sitting alone with nothing to do but dwell on your own thoughts. If you don't keep busy, you'll find yourself hopelessly replaying the moments and emotions in your mind, plunging yourself further and further into the black hole of negativity. You don't want to do that now, do you? No. You want to be strong, be positive, and recover from whatever tragedy you're facing. And, if that's what you're aiming for, you need to get up off your bum and get moving. Recruit friends and family and get moving. Take up a hobby, join a group, host an event. Even if it's the last thing you feel like doing, get moving. The busier you are, the less time you'll have to dwell on the negative thoughts you may be experiencing.

 

3. Seek professional help. One of the most important things to consider when a tragedy strikes is whether or not you need to seek professional help. Seeking positivity is all well and good, but some situations require some serious professional attention. If you're struggling with what you think might be depression or you're battling addiction issues related to the tragedy you've experienced, it's essential that you seek professional help. It might seem expensive or time-consuming, but the investments you make in your personal well-being are always worth it. You deserve to rise above whatever tragedy has happened to you, and one of the only ways to do that may be to seek outside guidance from a true professional. Make sure to do your homework when seeking someone to help you and, if the relationship doesn't feel right, know that it's okay to move on to another professional if necessary.

 

4. Surround yourself with love. Loving yourself and surround yourself with people that love you is great advice for anyone, but it's especially important if you're facing a tragic situation. Love is one of the greatest solutions to almost any problem. If you find yourself in a tough spot and need help, turn to love. First and foremost, be kind and loving to yourself. Give yourself a break when things are really hard and refrain from judging yourself. Loving yourself is one of the most important things you can do for yourself, but it's also one of the hardest. While you're working on that, be sure to surround yourself with people who love you, care about you, and support you. Remember: almost nothing is more important than being around those who love you during a tragedy.

 

5. Stay in the present. Though it might seem like the present is where you're suffering and you might wonder, "Why would I want to stay here?", the present is actually the best place to direct your thoughts when you are faced with a deeply tragic circumstance. Most likely, you are struggling in the present because you are thinking on what has happened to you or your imagining what will happen based on the tragedy you've experienced. Stop. Instead, focus on what's happening in this very moment. Use your five senses to really pay attention to the world around you in this moment. Don't waste time looking back or making predictions about what's next. Stay in the moment, stay present, and slowly but surely you'll be able to make progress in a positive direction.


Being positive in the face of tragedy is tough. It's one of the hardest things you'll probably face in your life. It can be all too tempting to give into negativity when you're in a difficult situation -- but don't! Life is way too short to be miserable and, by letting negativity take hold of you, you're setting yourself up for an unhappy existence. When tragedy strikes, remember the five tips I've listed above and know that you, like so many who have faced tragedy and grown stronger from it, can overcome whatever heartache you're facing.

how to stay positive when the holidays are hard

(♥)

“December is the toughest month of the year.
Others are July, January, September, April, November,
May, March, June, October, August, and February.”

Mark Twain

As much as I love the holidays and get a certain burst of glee shooting through me whenever I hear the word "Christmas" (or "holiday," for that matter!), I know that's not the case for everyone. For some people, the holidays are the worst time of year. For some, December is the month they dread most. I recently received a comment from a reader, asking how she could stay in the moment when she was unhappy with where she was. I noted my response to her that it's really hard to stay in the moment when the moments are tough, but to stay positive. And then I got to thinking: how does one stay positive during the holiday season when things are hard?

 

5 Ways to Stay Positive During the Holidays

1. Focus on what's going right. No matter how tough things are for you, there is at least one thing that's going right. It might be a small thing -- like your ability to still get out of bed in the morning -- but size doesn't matter. Instead of focusing on the hardest things, the things that are bringing you down, choose to focus on the things, however small, that are going right for you right now. There are good things happening around you, but it's up to you to open your eyes and look for them. You will see what you're looking for. 
   
    
2. Realize you're not alone. As much as you might feel like you're only one suffering during the holidays, you are not alone. Sadly, there are many who are having a hard time this holiday season. Just remembering that you are not alone in dealing with the difficult holiday season will help you to feel more positive. Also, keep in mind that there are others who are in much, much worse situations than you are and, as bad as things are now, they could probably be worse. I know that doesn't sound very positive, but it's always good to put things in perspective. Doing so really will help you be more positive. 
   
   
   
3. Make an effort to interact. When you're unhappy it can be so tempting to stay inside, tucked away from others, but that's one of the worst things you can do for yourself -- especially during the holidays. You might not feel like interacting with others at all, but if you motivate yourself to get up, get out, and interact, you'll certainly improve your mood. Don't let your unhappiness hold you back. Get out there and give others a chance to cheer you. You definitely won't feel better if you stay alone all of the time, but you might just get a mood boost if you venture out and give others a chance. 
   
   
   
4. Spend time with those less fortunate. A great way to lift your spirits is to realize how lucky you are. One of the quickest ways to put your life in perspective is to spend time with others less fortunate than you. Around the holidays there are often great volunteer opportunities. Check your community's website or contact an organization you'd like to help out. When you find an opportunity to help others, take it. It will brighten your mood to spend time with others, especially those who are also struggling during the season. 
   
   
   
5. Look at the big picture. Right now you might be feeling down. Everyone else's cheerful moods might be driving you crazy. But take a step back and try to see the big picture. This year might be tough. Next year might be hard too. But you know what? There will be a holiday season when you will be one of those laughing and smiling and spreading holiday cheer. Stay positive and focus on the good things in your life and you will once again be lifted up by the spirit of the holidays. 

 

All around us, holiday songs are being sung and we're forced to see the happy people filled with holiday cheer. If you're not in that mindset and you're struggling to stay positive, this is probably a really big pain in the ass. Having to encounter someone like me -- someone brimming with excitement for the upcoming holiday -- when you're in pain and unhappy is probably the most annoying thing in the world. However, if you do what you can to stay positive and focus on the tips I've provided above, it's possible to make it through this difficult time of year and grow even stronger from the experience. 

How do you stay positive when you're struggling through a tough time? 
What advice would you offer to someone having a hard time this holiday season? 
 

5 steps for recovering from a bad decision

 

(♥)

  "The doors we open and close each day
decide the lives we live." 

Flora Whittemore

  

 

Sometimes we find ourselves faced with difficult choices. We can be staring at two options and almost literally feel torn between which one to choose. We might know what the right choice is, but we might still have the desire to make the wrong one. Life is filled with moments in which you feel as if you are standing in a fork in the road, looking down two potential paths, and wondering which way you should go. Sometimes we find ourselves lost, uncertain of which path will lead us home. Other times we know which path will lead us further away and, yet, we might be so curious that we want to take that path. The wonderful thing about life is that we often have the option to travel down many different paths. However, that ability to make choices can also be one of the most terrifying things about life. 

In a life filled with choice after choice after choice, we're bound to make a few mistakes. Life can sometimes feel like a big game of trial and error, and often you don't have any idea what the best choice might be. But, at times,you've probably been in situations where you knew the right choice but chose the wrong one. And these situations, my friends, are some of the worst situations to overcome. It's a terrible feeling to make the wrong choice, but it's an even worse feeling to make the wrong choice when you knew the whole time that it was wrong. Coping with the aftermath of a bad decision with the knowledge that you knew from the get-go you were making the wrong choice is one of the hardest things to deal with. 

Having (unfortunately) had some experience with this myself, I've come up with some ways to deal with the effects of having made a decision you knew was wrong. It's not easy to make mistakes and it's certainly harder to make mistakes when you knew the whole time that you were making them, but, by focusing on the present and on being positive, it's possible to overcome, well, pretty much anything. 

5 Steps for Recovering from a Bad Decision

1. Take full responsibility. The first step you must take when having made a poor choice is recognize the part you played in a situation. It does no good at all to make excuses or rationalize or pretend that, for whatever reason, you aren't to blame. If you want to move forward from wherever you've found yourself, you have to take responsibility for your choices and actions. 

2. Understand your choices. Next, it's essential that you understand why you made the decision you made. Keep in mind that this is not a time to think of excuses for why it happened; this is a time to understand why it happened so you can avoid making similar decisions in the future. Really take some time to think about why you did what you did so you can begin to move on. 

3. Apologize and explain. If your decision hurt anyone else, the best thing you can do is apologize and explain. Don't offer excuses or try to play down the situation in any way. Be honest and open with those you have hurt and explain to them what you realized from Step 2. Once you've done that, it's also important to apologize to yourself and do what you can to come to terms with your decision. 

4. Focus on the present. When you've made a bad decision, it can be tempting to dwell on that but, believe me, that's a waste of time. The most productive thing you can do to move forward from your choice is to focus on what's happening now. Cut yourself some slack and begin to focus on the positive things you're currently doing instead of the negative things you have done. 

    

5. Be proactive in the future. The best thing you can do for yourself when you find that you've knowingly made a bad decision is to find ways to be proactive after the fact. Ask yourself what can be fixed or changed now. And then think about what you can do in the future to make sure you don't find yourself making similar decisions. Don't downplay the importance of taking future action. 

When you find yourself in a situation in which you've made a bad decision and there is no one to blame but you, it can be tempting to feel down on yourself and to start thinking negatively, but DON'T! No matter what you've done or what choices you've made, there is always hope for the present moment. The past, unfortunate as it might be sometimes, is gone. The only thing you can do at this point in time is move forward with a positive attitude and a focus on the now. That's not to say that things that happened in the past aren't important; they are. But you must realize that the only moment that is real is the moment that is right now -- and it's up to you to start making choices that will leave you feeling positive and happy to be living in every moment of your life. 

How do you cope internally with making bad decisions? 
What is the best way to handle the effects of a bad decision?