positively present

tackling a tough topic: tv + happiness

 

(♥)

Since I've started working for myself at home, I've been struggling with my TV watching habits. I've discovered that I watch at least 45 shows consistently (meaning I rarely miss an episode). Granted, these shows aren't on every week -- or even every month -- but that still adds up to a lot of time. I'm a big believer in the "life is short" philosophy, which made me want to investigate this whole TV topic a little more. After all, if I'm going to spend that much of my life doing something, I better be sure it's what I want to be doing. 

 

My Television History

When I was a kid, teenager, and even a college student, I didn't watch much TV. My nose was always in a book and I really preferred my own imagination when it came to taking a story and making it come to life. I only ended up getting a TV as a college student was because, when 9/11 happened back in 2001, I had no way to stay on top of the news (other than the internet, which wasn't the same back then as it is today). I recall someone IMing me (oh, AOL!) and saying, "Turn on the TV!" and I couldn't. After that, I bought a teeny, tiny television for my dorm room that I had until I moved to California. 

California is where the TV watching trouble began. (Most of my troubles began there, but we'll save those stories for another day!) I think being alone, away from home, and in what felt like a foreign land at times made me form a fascination with the people on my television. I had it on constantly for the noise, for the distraction, for the pathetic companionship. I fell in love with old reruns: That 70's Show, King of Queens, Family Guy. (Clearly I am a high-brow TV-watcher.) I bought tons of movies at failing Blockbusters and watched them while I read, studied, or worked on my thesis. 

That's the thing about me and TV -- I've always kind of half-assed our relationship. While watching TV I'm always doing something else -- reading, writing, playing a game of Yahtzee or Scrabble -- which has allowed me to accept the TV watching habits I've adopted as an adult. I figured if I wasn't focusing only on the TV, lying around on the couch like those other TV watchers, then all of my TV watching wasn't really a problem. 

Oh, the beautiful sound of a well-crafted excuse... 

And, really, that's all it is: an excuse. I excuse myself from excessive TV watching by telling myself it's okay because I'm doing another task. Or, in another attempt to excuse myself, I remind myself that these days I often watch TV with other people, which, of course is bonding. We're not just watching TV; we're bonding. Never mind that this "bonding" usually comes at the price of judging others negatively for the lives they're living that are clearly beneath the one I'm living as a judgmental voyeur (yes, I watch Jersey Shore, Teen Mom, and a slew of other reality TV shows). 

So here's where I am today: finally aware of the excuses I've been making for the past few years about my excessive TV watching habits, I have to decide whether or not I want to keep watching so much TV. Is it making me happy? Is watching the lives of others on TV making me a more positive, more present person? 

 

TV + Happiness 

In her article, "Does TV Make Us Happy?" The Happiness Project's Gretchen Rubin has the following to say about TV and happiness:

"I’ve increasingly come to the view that happiness contains within it a notion of advancement. (Yes, I know that’s not what Buddhists believe, but at least for Western types, I think that’s true). We’re cheered by the sense of progress, of things are moving forward. That’s why it’s satisfying to see the seasons change; to watch children grow; and to clean your closets. TV feeds into this, with reality shows, game shows, award shows, and sports shows that give a sense of progress.

Also, for some people, TV gives an artificial yet nevertheless satisfying sense of connection. Watching soap operas makes people happier—probably because folks feel like they have (imaginary) friends.

TV lets you chat with people around the water cooler. It provides a way to gossip without being hurtful. It can be a source of expertise, a way to be knowledgeable.

Watching TV is companionable...We’ve having the same experience, in a way that we aren’t if we’re both reading or working." 

Valid points, yes, but are these also just excuses? And, if so, does it even matter? Perhaps we are allowed to make excuses for the things that make us happy so we can continue to experience happiness. What I want to get to the bottom of is whether or not TV actually does make us really, truly happy (not just satiated by the faux connections we experience with the people parading past us on our television screens). 

In another article, "9 Tips to Ensure TV Is Boosting Your Happiness," Gretchen offers advice for making the most of TV watching. Of these tips, her ninth one is the most important: choose to watch TV. For so many of us (and definitely for me), TV is the default activity. Nothing to do? Turn on the TV! Want some background noise? Turn on the TV! Want to bond with a friend or loved one? Turn on the TV!  I'm not saying these are necessarily bad things, but they're the types of things we need to think about before we do them.

You + Your TV Habits

As with any habit, it's important to understand why you do it, how you feel about doing it, and what you want to do about it. Based on the questions I've been asking myself recently, I've created a list of questions to ask yourself about your TV habits so you can see if you really do want to be watching as much TV as you do. Don't just watch just to watch. Give some thought to these questions to see if TV (or your current amount of TV intake) is really something you want in your life. (If TV isn't your issue, try inserting another habit.)

 

1. How much TV do you watch each week? (Be honest!)
   
   
2. What shows do you really enjoy watching? Only sort of enjoy?
   
   
3. What shows do you watch just because you always have? 
   
   
4. What shows would you not miss if you never saw them again? 
   
   
5. How do you feel when you watch your favorite shows? 
   
   
6. How do you feel when you watch shows you don't care much about? 
   
   
7. Do you spend a lot of time judging people on TV? 
   
   
8. Do you spend a lot of time envious of people on TV? 
   
   
9. When and why did you start watching TV? 
   
   
10. Why do you watch TV now? (Comfort, escape, boredom, etc.)
    
    
11. Do you ever miss out on real life because of TV? 
    
    
12. Do you ever wish you didn't watch so much TV? 
    
    
13. If you weren't watching TV, what would you be doing? 
    
    
14. What shows would you not miss watching? 
    
    
15. Do you have relationships based solely on TV show interests? 
    
    
16. What types of TV shows make you feel truly happy? 
    
    
17. Do you watch shows that inspire or educate you? 
    
    
18. Do you spend time thinking about TV when not watching it? 
    
    
19. What shows can you stop watching today? 
    
    
20. How much TV do you want to be watching? 

 

I don't think watching TV is a bad thing, but, like most enjoyable things, it should be done in moderation. Personally, moderation isn't my thing. I tend to have a "go big or go home!" attitude about most of the things I do (clearly this has become the case with TV having gone from not even owning at TV to watching 45 shows consistently!). I often have to cut myself off completely from the things that aren't healthy for me. Would I like to never watch TV again? Yes, that sounds great. Tons of free time, less negative judging of others, being more present with my reading and writing. Will I actually cut out all TV from my life? Probably not.

But at least I'm thinking about, evaluating, and actively making changes to my TV watching habits. After making a list of shows I watch, I narrowed down my 45 to a mere 15 and deleted the others from my DVR queue! I don't want to rid my life of TV, but I want make sure TV is a positive influence on my life.

TV can be awesome, but like any awesome thing, it loses it's magic if you do it all the time. We should all spend time thinking about the activities we spend lots and lots of time doing. Don't just do something to do it! Whether it's TV, hanging out with friends, playing a sport, or partaking in a hobby, know why you're doing it, know whether or not it makes you happy, and take control of how much of it you choose to do. 

celebrating positively present's 3rd anniversary: life lessons i loved learning

 

       (♥)

 

Today is the third anniversary of the day I started Positively Present. When I look back on the years since I started this site, it's hard not to marvel at all that has changed in my life -- the people, the places, the things I have done and seen. Every day I love my life more and I know that has a great deal to do with Positively Present, the words I write, and the connections I share with my readers. I'm so happy to have had the experiences I've had over the past year, and I'm even more thrilled to know that the next year is going to be a great one for Positively Present. 

In honor of the past year of Positively Present, I'm going to share with you the life lessons I've loved learning over the past 365 days. It's been a wonderful, exciting year and I've learned a lot. In honor of Valentine's Day (I haven't forgotten about you in the excitement of Positively Present's anniversary!), I'm going to share with you why I've loved these life lessons (hard as some of them have been!) and how you can apply them to your life as well. 

 

Lessons I Loved Learning This Year on Positively Present

 

♥  Loss makes life more precious.  Last month a woman who had been like a mother to me passed away. The loss of her made me realize that life is precious and fleeting and it's so important that we celebrate each and every day. In Celebrate Life: How to Cope with Grief + Loss, I wrote about how we can take loss and turn it into a reminder to celebrate life. Though it's not always easy to do when caught up in the mundane, everyday stuff, it's so essential to remind yourself that life is short. Don't take it -- or the people you love -- for granted. 

♥  Doing good makes you feel good.  This year I started volunteering with my local humane society and it made me realize that volunteer work really does make you feel good. In 5 Ways You'll Feel Good By Doing Good, I wrote about how donating your time to a cause you feel passionate about can really make you feel good. It might seem hard to make time for volunteer work, but this year I realized how important it is -- and how much you can learn about yourself from dedicating your time to others. Find a cause you love and get involved! 

♥  Taking pics helps me stay present.  In September I participated in my first photo challenge. In November I created a Gratitude Photo Challenge. In December, feeling lost without a daily photo to snap, I created a Christmas Photo Challenge. And in 2012, I launched the 365 Photo Project. Clearly, I learned that taking a photo a day really does help me to stay more present and more observant of the world around me. Join in on the 365 Photo Project and you'll see how you can be more present too. To see my daily shots, follow me on Instagram @happilyeverafternow.

♥  Some friendships aren't forever. In the posts Best Friends Forever?: Lessons on Friendship (click to read Part I, Part II, and Part III), I realized friendships don't always last forever. This can be a really hard thing to cope with, but it's a lesson I'm glad I'm learning. I've discovered that it's all about how you look at it. You can either be happy you had the friendship and move on, or dwell on the reasons why the friendship is over (or isn't what it used to be). This lesson also taught me to appreciate the friendships I do have and focus on the positive people in my life. Focus on who matters most in this moment. 

♥  I can pick the weeds + keep the flowers. Back in July I celebrated one year of sobriety (and I'm still counting today! 19 months!). Reaching this milestone in my life was a huge deal for me and it was a great accomplishment. It made me realize that I'm stronger than I think I am sometimes and it also made me see that sometimes the things you never believe are possible really are attainable goals. Whatever you're struggling to overcome, remind yourself that you can do it. Whatever you want to overcome, you have the strength within you to do it. 

♥  Bucket lists can transform a year. When I turned 28 I resolved to accomplish quite a few things before my next birthday (see the list of 28 Things To Do Before I Turn 29). So I've crossed about half of those things off and I still have 8 months to go! In the past I've been hesitant about creating lists like this (what if I don't cross anything off??), but this one has taught me that setting goals (even small ones) is really motivating. If you haven't done so already, I'd recommend creating a list of things to check off before your next birthday!

♥  Life's too short to settle. Back in October everywhere we looked we saw inspiration from Steve Jobs. That man really left his mark on the world and his words left a mark on me. In Don't Settle: Inspiration from Steve Jobs, I took a closer look at some of his words of wisdom and realized how powerful they are. Though I've heard it before, Jobs' "don't settle" really resonated with me this year and served as the gentle push I needed to keep moving forward with my goals. Listen to Jobs and don't settle for anything less than what you love. 

♥  The dream of the '90s is, in fact, still alive in Portland. Last autumn I visited Portland for the first time (you can read about my travels here) and fell in love with the charming city. Though I don't think I could ever handle the amount of rainfall there, I definitely fell in love with the place and was grateful to have been given the opportunity to visit. The trip reminded me to get out there and see new places, to travel and experience different people and environments. Don't forget to get out there and explore! 

♥  A lot can happen in 10 years, but some memories don't fade. With the 10th anniversary of 9/11, I reflected on September 11, 2001. It was sad to look back on that day, to recall the fevered emotions and the shock of shattered safety. Looking back on it made me realize how a single moment can impact a life and how, though we move forward, we don't always forget. Living in the present is essential for living a positive life but so is remembering the past -- and how far we've come since then. 

♥  Planning is part of kicking off a great year. In January I gave my readers the Positively Present Planner to help them kick off 2012 (and you can still download a free copy for yourself!). I've always been into organizing and planning, but this year I've had to be even more of a planner. I have a feeling that 2012 is going to be a big year for a lot of people and that means getting a good plan in place now. Use the planner (or any other tools at your disposal) to kick 2012 into high gear and turn those goals and dreams into realities!

♥  A lifelong dream can come true. I'm on the verge of achieving my lifelong dream: to be a writer. In Achieving a Goal Isn't Magic: 4 Tips to Make it Happen, I realized that my dreams might actually be coming true. I've taken some major steps this year to make Positively Present my full-time gig and though in some senses I'm terrified (see 2012: So Much to Do, Such Things to Be), I'm also thrilled to be given this opportunity to turn my life into what I've always imagined. 2012 is gonna be a goal-setting, dream-reaching, amazing year so set your hopes high and get to work! 

 

I've learned a lot since last February 14, but I think one of the most important lessons I've learned is how important a love of learning actually is. If you want to live a positively present life, you have to be ready and willing to learn -- and to embrace those learned lessons and apply them to your life. A love of learning is essential to seeing the good in even the most difficult situations. Regardless of how positive or negative a situation is, there's a lesson to be learned from it. Look for those lessons. Love those lessons. 

accepting what is: 4 phrases to forget

(♥)

"Things are as they are.
Looking out into the universe at night
we make no comparisons between right and wrong stars,
nor between well and badly arranged constellations."

Alan Watts

Accepting what is is key to living a positive, present life. To live in the now, one must accept the now as it is. One cannot wish it is something else or create stories in his or her mind of how it should be. Many of us know this, but struggle to find ways to be accepting of ourselves and others. We wonder how we are to live life without judgments. We wonder how we are to live in a world where we often want things to be different, a world in which we are bombarded by the things we should be and say and do, without passing judgement. It's not wrong to want change, but how can you reconcile the idea of wanting change and accepting what is?

The truth is: it's difficult. Very difficult. It's a daily struggle, accepting what is. You must accept yourself, your colleagues, your partner, your friends. You must accept your job, your relationships, your situations, the weather. There is so much one must accept if he or she is to live in the present moment and it's hard to do on a moment-to-moment basis. But here's the thing: you've gotta try to bring acceptance into your life if you want to live a positive present life. And a good place to start is with the things you stay to yourself. Below are four phrases you need to forget. 

4 Factious Phrases to Forget 

"I wish..."

 
Wishing for a better tomorrow is no crime, but what does all that wishing really get you? I say, take that wish you've been thinking about and do something about it. Acceptance isn't the same as settling. To be happy, you must accept what is happening now, but take action (right now!) to make the situation better. Stop wishing and start looking at the changes you can make to make the present more positive.  

"I should have..."

Let me tell you something: looking back and thinking about what you should have done doesn't do anything. It's a waste of your time -- unless you take action now. If you should have said/done something differently, go tell that person what you would have liked to have said/done. Or, better yet, just say it or do it. Don't dwell on the past; take action to make the present, and ultimately your future, exactly what you want it to be. 

"If only I had..."

If only you had a better thing/situation/person in your life, then you could make all your dreams come true, right? Wrong. If you need something more in your life to make the present a positive place, go out and get it. Can't get it? Find a way to work around it. Use the energy spent on saying "if only I had..." to creatively make the most of what you've got. And remember: what you really need, you already have. 

"It would be better if..."

Yes, it would be better if the sun was shining, you weren't being nagged, you were filthy rich, you had the love of your life, etc., etc. If you spend time focusing on the things that could be better, you're wasting time that could be spent on making things better. Use the present moment not to dwell on what could be improved, but to take action and start improving it. (And let things like the weather go -- you can't impact them.) 

As much as I'd love to sit here and tell you that it's easy to stop saying these things, to accept what is, there's just no getting around the fact that it's not. I struggle with it every day. I want to be living a different life -- writing full time, being self employed -- but I'm not doing that yet. I have to stay present while also looking forward to the future. It's a balance between accepting what's happening now and looking forward to what's happening next. After all, if I hadn't had the desire to do something different, I wouldn't be making steps toward making the life I want to be living. 

Remember: it's okay to have a dream, a wish, a hope. It's okay to want things other than what you have right now. But it's not okay not to accept what's happening all around you. Because, just as the quote above states, things are as they are. We give them the labels of right or wrong, bad or good, but the everything is what it is. We must stop saying the things that force us to deny acceptance because it is this lack of accepting what is that lead us to unhappiness. Instead, we must embrace what's happening now and take action today to make our future a place we'll be happy to accept. 

get over overthinking: 6 steps to start now

(♥)

The January 2012 issue of Real Simple had a great article on how to get over overthinking (a negative mental habit that too many people -- including yours truly -- battle far too often). Below is my take on the six steps recommended to kick that cycle of too-much-thinking to the curb.

 

6 Steps to Stop Overthinking

Step 1: Take Action. As the article says, "If the problem is specific and solvable, try to turn it into a concrete solution." Don't focus on what happened in the past (or what hasn't happened yet). Instead, focus on what you can do to improve the present moment.

Step 2: Challenge Your Beliefs. Ask yourself if what you're thinking is definitely true. (More on this can be found in Byron Katie's Loving What Is, one of my all-time favorite books). Try to think about other possible ways of looking at whatever you're thinking about.

Step 3: Distract Yourself. My mom always used distraction on us as kids and to this day I find that it's one of the best methods for dealing with almost any situation that has resulted in overthinking. Find something that will stimulate you mentally and focus your attention on that activity.

Step 4: Don't Talk It Out. Sometimes you need to share with other people, but when you're overthinking something this is a big no-no. The more you talk about something, overanalyzing it and allowing for others' comments to take you in new thinking directions, the more you're going to obsess over it.

Step 5: Practice Mindfulness. Focus on the present moment and you'll take away the power your thoughts seemingly have over you. The present moment isn't about what could have been or what could be. It's about right now.

Step 6: Be Patient. Overthinking isn't an easy habit to break so it's important to be kind to yourself as you're working on this problem. As the article reminds us, overthinking about how you can't stop overthinking isn't going to do anyone any good.

Overthinking isn't something that can be stopped over night. It takes time, patience, and practice. The more you work on the steps above, the more you'll be able to avoid overthinking. And remember: there's a difference between thinking and overthinking. Thinking is great -- inspiring, motivating, necessary for survival -- but overthinking brings nothing but stress and negativity into our lives. If you want to live a positive life, it's important to have a handle on your own mind and these tips are a great place to start!

celebrate life: how to cope with grief + loss

(♥)

Celebrate we will 
Because life is short 
But sweet for certain 
We're climbing two by two 
To be sure these days continue 
Things we cannot change...

Dave Matthews Band

On January 2 my childhood best friend's mother, Jan, passed away. Sadly, I had not seen her in years; I never got to say goodbye. Though it had been years since I'd seen her, the loss of her still hit me. It hit me harder than I realized it would. Growing up, she was like a second mother to me -- very different than my own mother and, in many ways, more like me. There was a sassiness, a sarcasm, to her that I connected with. Like me, she had the tendency to be moody, controlling, to always seek perfection. She often hid behind these things, but so many parts of her were transparent: her love for her daughter and husband, her determination to help those in need, her never-ending quest for knowledge. Over the years she supplemented the things my parents taught me with her own ideas and ways of doing things. She always has been -- and always will be -- a part of the person I turned out to be. 

I'm not sure I've fully dealt with the loss yet. I went to the celebration of life service (a beautiful and inspiring alternative to the traditional funeral). I cried alone in my room, rotating the ring she once gave me on my finger. I wrote down a list of memories that came to mind when I heard the word "Jan." And still I don't think it's really had a chance to sink in. Grief is funny that way... It doesn't always happen when it's expected to. But I know it will -- and I know that so many others are grieving the loss of this wonderful woman. The tips below are for them -- and for anyone dealing with grief and loss. 

How to Cope with Grief + Loss

1. Find support. There is nothing worse than being alone when you are in pain and grieving the loss of a loved one. Finding support from friends and family members -- and/or outside support from a therapist or grief group -- is absolutely critical. I cannot tell you how wonderful it felt for me when I told the news to my boyfriend and he immediately stopped what he was doing and embraced me. I thought I was okay, but when I felt his arms around me, I knew that I'd been in desperate need of that hug. It's important to grieve in your own way -- and sometimes that means being alone -- but especially in the initial stages of loss, it's essential to surround yourself with people who love and support you. 

2. Look after yourself. When you're grieving, it can be hard to remember to take care of yourself. You're dealing with pain and stress and a myriad of emotions that you may not have experienced before. Accept that you are hurting, but don't allow yourself to stop caring for your physical body. Get as much rest as you possibly can. Eat food that will make you feel energize and healthy. Spend time meditating, walking, or taking a long bath -- anything that will leave you feeling more relaxed. It's easier to let things slide when you're upset, but being in an unhealthy, exhausted physical state will make your emotional pain much more magnified. 

3. Let yourself feel. If you're anything like me, it's tempting to shut down when hard emotions come along, pushing them to the back of your mind and plowing through life appearing unaffected. Clearly this is not a healthy way to do things (believe me, I know!). It's important to let yourself experience all of the emotions you feel -- anger, hurt, loss, pain, etc. -- and fully experience them. Don't let others tell you how you should or shouldn't feel. Embrace your emotions and remind yourself that it's perfectly okay to feel the way you do. Dealing with loss, I've found, really brings up some odd feelings, but that's okay. You're allowed to feel however you want to feel (now, how you act on those feelings is a different story...). 

4. Seek an outlet. I really believe you are entitled to feel whatever the hell you want to feel whenever the hell you want to feel it. That being said, you cannot always act on those emotions. Just because you are angry that a loved one has died doesn't mean you can lash out at loved ones that are still alive. Which is why you need an outlet. Whatever you love to do -- writing, painting, biking, soccer, bowling, etc, etc, etc. -- do it. Find a way to take your emotions and express them in a positive, healthy way. For example, writing's kinda my thing so I'm going to use that as an outlet (see below) to express how I feel about the loss of Jan. Writing really helps me to express my emotions in a positive way. Find what works best for you and do it. 

5. Remember the good times. What always bums me out about funerals is all the black, all the sadness, the wet eyes and the sniffling noses. Of course, it's okay (and necessary) to be sad, but focusing on the loss instead of the great life that was lived has always seemed like a bit of a downer practice. Jan's friends and family put together a wonderful celebration of life ceremony, complete with uplifting poems, laugh-out-loud stories, and touching memories. Yes, there were certainly some tears shed, but I left the service thinking, "Wow, Jan had a great life filled with amazing memories and loving friends and family." It was so nice to celebrate her life -- remembering the good times -- instead of mourning her loss. Focusing on the positive makes such a difference. 

6. Celebrate life. One of the things we can take away from a loss is a reminder to celebrate our own lives. As death reminds us: life is short. This is something we easily forget when we're healthy and living and going about our day-to-day lives. Take time when you're grieving to remind yourself that life is pretty awesome -- and it's also not infinite. Times of grief should also be times of celebration -- for the lives others have lives, for the lives we're still living. It might seem selfish or unfair to celebrate life when someone has recently lost a life, but it's not. It's most likely exactly what he or she would have wanted you to do. 


Below, I've chosen to celebrate Jan's life by documenting some of the memories I shared with her and celebrating all the wonderful things that she was. For most of you, these won't make any sense, but perhaps this will serve as example of something you might want to try if you ever experience the lost of a loved one. 

A Celebration of Jan

Jan was a lot of things in her life -- mother, daughter, friend, spouse -- and she was a lot of things to me, a staple in my childhood and teen years, a second mother figure that I looked up to, argued with, and loved. Without her, I would not be who I am and I'm so grateful that she was -- and always will be -- a part of my life. Though the list of things Jan was would be endless, here are a few of the things she was to me:  

A patient hair-brusher, slowly untangling the knots from my gnarled hair
A gorilla-spotter, finding them even in the unlikely Central Park
A supporter, always encouraging and believing in her daughter (and me!)
A crafter, turning the most boring white sweatshirt into an xmas masterpiece
A red convertible driver, cruising me and her daughter all over town
A kindred soul, adhering to my odd childhood quirks (shower at 7!)
A Mac lover, introducing me to what would become my favorite brand
A researcher, finding anything and everything online (back in the '90s!)
A home-renovator, always tackling a new project with gusto
A beach-goer, taking me year after year on family vacations  
A business starter, launching her own line of stationery (which I still have!)
A costume-creator, dressing up me and her daughter like twin babies 
A scientist, taking on science projects with my mom (milk? soda? water?)
A rescuer, soothing my bloodied lip when I fell off my bike (still pissed, Monk!)
A friend, cheering me (and my mom) with the daily gifts in Denver
A Nordstrom-lover, lunching with us almost every Friday afternoon
A firework-watcher, taking me with them to the Pike every July 4th
A colored xmas light-user, awing me, who had only ever had white lights 
A s'mores eater, enjoying a simple treat Eloise-style in The Plaza 
A generous gift giver, surprising The C.Factory with mounds of gifts
A hot cocoa maker, warming us after hours of sledding at the park
A chatter, keeping me entertained on the softball sidelines
A relaxer, showing me that it's okay to relax on a Saturday morning
A comfort, letting her daughter and me crawl into her bed during thunderstorms
A rule-maker, telling us when to be home (but letting us sneak boys in the yard)
A dog-finder, locating the perfect breeder for my first pup, Pooky
A house-finder, finding the perfect spot just a few blocks from her house
A cheerleader, always celebrating the odd parts of me (8-year-old organizer)
A worker, hosting me on Take Your Daughter to Work day like I was her own 
A roller skate rink maker, entertaining us kids for hours and hours
A Hippo-finder, buying them for me whenever she spotted them
A friend, asking me about my school, my boyfriends, my latest hobbies
A mother, welcoming me into her home when my mom was hospitalized
A beautiful soul, the best second mom I could have asked for...

She was all these things and so much more. Not everyone is lucky enough to have someone like this in her life -- a kindred soul, a mother figure who is so different from her own mother but just as loving and supportive. I was so fortunate to grow up having two families that loved me, two families that celebrated and encouraged me. Jan was so many wonderful things, and though all that she was will always be with me, her presence here in this world will be missed.