positively present

30 lessons i learned from love: part II

      
 

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."

Jean Anouilh  

As you may have read in Part I of this post, I have been fortunate enough to have been given the gift of love, the gift of oneself, from one incredible, amazing guy (who, by the way, turned the big 3-0 the other day!). In the first part of this post, I wrote about how amazing it is that the simple act of love can teach us so much. Recently I have learned so much about myself (and about life) just from experiencing love.

It's become clear to me that there are so many ways we can grow and learn from the love in our lives. The lessons we can learn are countless, but I've chosen to focus two posts on some of the lessons I've learned personally and share with you how these lessons have impacted my life.

I've been so fortunate to share love with others and I can't say enough how grateful I am for the opportunities I've had to be in and share in love. Not everyone is as fortunate as I have been and I hope these two posts will make it clear that I am incredibly grateful to have love in my life. I'm thankful for it every day and I do what I can never to take it for granted. As you read these lessons, and my recent experiences with them, take some time to think about how love has impacted your life and give some thought to what your life would be like without the presence of love.

Because of Love, I Now Know...: Lessons 15-30

Love can sneak up on you like a summer storm.

You've heard it a million times I'm sure and you might be growing tired with the cliche, but it's often so true: love appears when you least expect it. That's exactly what happened to me about nine months ago. I wasn't looking for love at all, but, suddenly, out of nowhere, there was, like a summer thunderstorm. One minute the sky was dull and monotonous and, in a flash, it was alive with lightning and thunder, movement and excitement. It was unanticipated, but it was amazing, a shower of the most wonderful rain, leaving puddles that I've been joyfully splashing in ever since.
 
 
It really means something if you can do nothing and still have a great time.

So often in life we're looking for the rush, for the next event or activities to fill us with excitement. But, I've learned that, when it comes to love, you can find yourself doing absolutely nothing and realize that you're having the most amazing time. When you're spending time with someone you love, you don't need constant entertainment. You don't need to distract yourself or find ways to make something fun because, when you're near someone you love fiercely, things just become fun. There is no forcing it. There is no battle to make up things to do. Whatever you do, there you are, having a great time. That, I've learned, is a sure sign of love.
 

A person who can make you laugh so hard you cry is priceless.

There are so many amazing aspects of being in love, but having someone who makes you laugh so hard that you cry is one of the best features in my opinion. Something about laughing incredibly hard is so satisfying, such a great release and I've learned that there is nothing quite like having a person around that can make you laugh and laugh and laugh. A day without laughter, I've read, is a waste of a day and I couldn't agree with that more. I've been so fortunate to have found love and I'm even more fortunate to have found love with someone who can crack me up to the point that I find myself just thinking about what he said and laughing just as hard at the memory of it.
 

Love requires effort, but it should never seem too hard.

Like most who have been in love, I know that I love is hard work. It starts off easy and carefree until reality sets in and then there you find that there are just two people who are alike in some ways and different in others and who have to find ways to interact with and love one another in spite of their differences. Love is work. But, I've learned, the work you have to do for the one you love shouldn't be a complete drain on you, making you question or wonder if all of the stress and strain is worth it. No, the kind of work you do for love should come naturally and should be worth it. When I look back at the work I've put into my current relationship, I don't begrudge any of it for a second because I believe that any effort I've put in has been returned to me. Love will be hard, but it should never be too hard. I've discovered that, if you're hurt more than you're happy, you're not with the right one.
 

With true love also comes respect, trust, honesty, and forgiveness.

I've uncovered a universal truth about love: it can stand alone. There can be love without the other elements I've mentioned above. That love can be real and it can be meaningful, but it is not the kind of love you want to give your whole heart and soul to. True love, the real kind that both gets your blood pumping with excitement and has the ability to stand the test of time, comes not alone but hand-in-hand with respect, trust, honesty, and forgiveness. If you don't have those things in your relationship, then you don't have true love and you're missing out on some of the vital elements that make being in love worthwhile. Love alone can be wonderful, intoxicating, but it alone cannot stand the test of time. It's taken me quite awhile to learn this, but it's something I now know for sure.
 

Even on the worst days, the one you love can make you smile.

Over the past nine months, I've had some pretty tough days. I've had days when I felt like I couldn't get up and go to work because I was so unhappy, but you know what? Through it all, there was one person who could, no matter how low I felt, help me rise above whatever I was facing and encourage me to see the sun peaking its head through the clouds. There was one person who reinforced the idea of positivity and reminded me that I would get through even the toughest of times. And you know that? I did. I made it through some rough spots because he was beside me, making me smile and reminding me that, even when things were bad, there was always something good and amazing in my life: his love.
 

There's nothing like knowing that someone believes in you 100%.

One of the absolute greatest lessons love has taught me over the past few months is that there is nothing -- and I do mean nothing -- like having someone (who isn't a blood relative) believe in you with his whole heart and soul. I'm a pretty big believer in myself and it's always been amazing to have family and friends who believe in me, but, until recently, I had never before seen the kind of true, lasting belief in me that moved me from thinking I should believe in myself to knowing I should believe in myself. Nothing is more inspiring to be around someone who you have inspired, someone who loves you so much that they believe you could do -- and succeed in -- anything. That, my friends, is honest to goodness love, the kind of love most people only have the privilege of receiving from their mothers. That's the kind of love that will lift you up and make you a better you.

Love means focusing on others' strengths, not weaknesses.

The more you get to know someone, the easier it can be to pick on their weaknesses and forget about the strengths you loved so much in the first place. Just look around at couples you know. How many of them are bringing each other up, focusing on one another's strengths? How many of them are picking up on the negative qualities and focusing on those instead? One of the greatest things I've learned about true love is that is shrouded in positivity. When you truly love someone, you focus on what you love about them, not on what you don't. It's taken me awhile to realize that negativity is bad news, and it took me even longer to realize that there was no place for it when it came to love.
 

If it's really love, you will learn to let go of the past.

One of the reasons I started Positively Present was because I had a very difficult time letting go of the past. I always seemed to cling to it with an unnecessary (and unhealthy) grip and only recently have I learned that, when it's really, truly love, you will let the past go. As I talked about in Part I, you'll find that addressing your past is important, but it's never more important than the love you're experiencing in your life right now. Letting go of the past can be hard, painful even, but it's something you will do, fully and completely, when you find the one you are meant to love. Nothing, not even the past, can hold you back from experiencing true love fully and in the present moment.

You will get the love you think you deserve (aim high!).

You've heard this love-related cliche before too, I'm sure, but honest to god, it's true. If you expect to be treated badly and if you treat yourself badly, you will find someone who will treat you just the way you think you deserve to be treated. But, on the flip-side, if you believe that you should be treated with the utmost respect and decency and if you believe you deserve to be loved in a way that is pretty damn close to magical, believe me, that's the love you'll receive. Whether or not you want to buy into the whole Law of Attraction concept, I can tell you that I've learned that the love you expect to get is the love you will get. So, whether you're looking for love or you're already in a relationship, remember to aim high when it comes to the love you think you deserve.
 

Love is both freedom and safety, inspiration and comfort.

Though some might portray love in an either-or light, love is one of those amazing concepts that has the power to be so many different things at once. I've discovered that the right kind of love will make you feel both free and safe at the same time. It will let you loose to be the person you want to be, all by yourself, and it will hold you close so that you never feel as if you are all alone. This is one of the things I never really believed was possible when it came to love. Until now, I never knew that love could be so liberating and so comforting all at once and it's one of the most miraculous things about falling in, and being in, love with the right person.
 

Listen to yourself; if it feels different, if it feels right, it is.

So many times, I've been in love and had this feeling, deep in my gut, that something wasn't right. I can remember literally thinking to myself, "I have to get out of this situation." Feeling panicked and trapped is not what love is about. Love, as I mentioned in the previous point, is about setting yourself free and about feeling at home in the very same moment. If there is a voice in your head telling you something isn't right, listen to that voice. And, conversely, if there's a voice in your head telling ou that something is right, don't ignore that voice no matter how scared your little heart might be. Be open to the idea that you know yourself better than you think you do and, deep down, you will always know when love is real.

Love is gravity, bringing you home, bringing you to yourself.

I used to think that love was about someone else, about giving up a part of who you were so that you could then become part of a unit. I thought love was about going from "me" to "we." But now I know that isn't what love's about at all. In fact, real love is the opposite of that. Instead of taking a part of you, love gives a part of you back to yourself -- a part you didn't even know you were missing. With a great love, you become more like yourself; you become the very best version of you. You don't move further away from the "me," but, instead, move closer to what you somehow always knew you should be. Love should be just like gravity, bringing you closer so that you touch down on the reality of who you are.

The best person for you is the one who makes you the best you.

The world is filled with great people, some of which will be right for you at certain times in your life, but I've learned that one of the most important things to know about love is that the right person for you is the one who makes you better. Someone once told me to think not about what the other person is or does, but how that person makes me feel and act. When you look at who you become in someone else's presence, you learn a great deal about your relationship with that person. If, when you're around him or her, you become better, happier, more like yourself, then that's the person for you. If you want to know one of the greatest things I've learned about love, it's this: if someone loves you with his whole heart and soul, he will make you a better person simply by being himself.
 

True happiness is making someone you love happy.

Though I've recently learned so many valuable lessons because of love, one of my favorites (and one I think is of the utmost importance) is realizing that true happiness comes from making those you love happy. There are many ways to achieve happiness, but I've learned that one of the greatest types of happiness comes from taking the time to make someone else happy and that happiness is doubled if that someone else happens to be someone you love. Love can make you do crazy, wild, unthinkable things, but it also has the power to make you into one of the kindest, most generous people in the world. I am incredibly fortunate to have someone who loves me so much and who does what he can to make me happy. I'm not sure if he knows it or not, but his presence alone is enough to brighten my day and every single kind thing he does for me makes me happier and happier. 
 
 

I know there's been a lot to read when it comes to these 30 lessons I've shared with you here, but I hope that what I've written goes to show you that true love is possible and that it does so much more than simply making you feel good. True love has the power to transform lives, to make people better versions of themselves, and, ultimately, to make the world a much happier place. If given the time, I could probably write 30,000 lessons I've learned from love -- it's that great of a teacher -- but, for now, I'll leave you with these 30 lessons and the knowledge that someone you know (or, at the very least, have read about on the internet) is experiencing, learning, and growing because of the love of one single person. You might think you are one person and that one person's love doesn't mean all that much, but I hope this post will help you to see that every bit of love, every drop of love you sprinkle down on the lives of others, has an impact. Love is mysterious, amazing, heartbreaking, and wonderful. It can mean so many things to so many people but, no matter who you are or what you think of love, I hope you can see that, at the very least, it is provides us with invaluable knowledge and it is this gift of lessons that we should always strive to share with one another.
 

There are so many things love can teach us.
What lessons have you learned from the love in your life?

Photo Credit: (♥)

30 lessons i learned from love: part I

"Everything that I understand,
 I understand only because I love." 

Leo Tolstoy 

Today someone I love, someone who I have learned so much from and who has helped me understand the world in a new way, is celebrating his thirtieth birthday. One of the people who has changed my life more than he could ever know came into the world thirty years ago today. Now, three decades later, I am sitting here thinking about how incredibly grateful I am to have him in my life and to know that someone else's existence has impacted my own in such a profound and meaningful way. 

Because I am always writing about how we must create our own positive lives, it seems cliche and wrong to write about how someone else has brought so much positivity in my life, but I cannot deny the reality... He has changed me. He has changed my life. He has taught me things I never would have thought (even at my most positive) I could learn: to be open, to be honest, to be willing to let go of the past and live fully in the present moment. Over the past nine months of knowing him, my life has changed considerably. I've moved. I've changed jobs. I've changed habits. I am, in so many ways, a different person. A better person. And so much of that has to do with his positive influence on my life. 

I'm not the type to willingly admit others have an such a big impact on me, but in this case it's undeniable. Like it or not, he has made (and continues to make) me better. Not different, mind you, but better. He has done what I imagine all great people should do: he has come into my life and made me more me. He hasn't changed who I was before; he's made me more of who I have always been meant to be. With his love, his encouragement, and his belief in me, the puzzle pieces of my life that always seemed to be getting lost or pushed into the wrong spaces are now fitting together perfectly, snapping into place and creating this complete and beautiful picture of who I am.

There are many people who have helped me to become the person I am today (a person, admittedly, who is still a work in progress!), but there are few that have had quite the impact he has had on my life. I feel, at times, like I was always waiting for him, like I knew he was out there and it was that knowledge tickling the recesses of my brain that hinted and suggested and prodded until I moved forward in the right direction, closer to him. I feel as if I have been moving towards him for some time, or maybe he was moving towards me, but without knowing it was coming, we crashed into each other on a night when the sky was filled with shooting stars and our hearts, tired as they were, were still brimming with hope.  

Since that fateful day when our hearts collided and everything began falling into place, I have learned so much -- about him, about myself, and about love. Today, I'm going to share some of those lessons with you (and stay tuned for Part II coming soon!). These are the things I wish I'd always known and the things I am so grateful to know today. As grateful as I am for these lessons, I am even more thankful for him, the one who came into my life so unexpectedly and changed it, and me, for the better. And now, here I am, able to sit here and share with you some of the lessons I've learned... 

Because of Love, I Now Know...: Lessons 1-14

You attract what you want to attract. 

Some might knock the Law of Attraction, but I can't help but see some truth in the idea that we bring to us what we focus on the most. Nearly a year ago, I read a book that recommended I create a list of any and all attributes I wanted in a partner. I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I came up with 146 things. After we'd been seeing each other for awhile, I dug out the list and grabbed a pink highlighter to highlight the traits he had. At the end of my highlighting, I flipped through the pages of the notebook and realized they were covered in pink. Almost every single thing was highlighted. Odd as it might sound, I do believe in some weird way, that I attracted what I really, truly wanted. 

There really is a moment when you just know. 

It might seem like a total cliche, but the moment I met him there was a spark. It was years ago and we were both in completely different places in our lives, but, for whatever reason, something sparked between us. Neither one of us ever forgot the other and, when I met him again for the second time, I swear my heart stopped beating for just a second. I knew something was different about him, important and essential to the very core of my being, but I didn't know then what it was. I've been in love before but, with him, it has always been different. I always thought the "you just know" line was a bullshit excuse for people who couldn't really remember why they'd fallen in love, but now I believe it with my whole heart. When you know, you know. 

The right one will always, always bring up, not down.  

I've had my fair share of relationships and I can't say that they all left me feeling as if I was an awesomely talented, wonderful person. In fact, some of the people I'd been with in the past made me feel as if I was worthless, pointless, useless. Some people made me feel as if I could do no right and that whatever I did would probably result in a big mess of mistakes (which may or may not have been true at the time...). Now I see that the right person, the best person, will always bring you up. No matter what you love to do, the right person for you will be supportive of it. They don't have to do it too, they don't even have to understand it sometimes, but they will always loving and respectfully support you. They will bring you up as high as they can and never will they try to push you down. 

Love will inspire you, will make you believe you can do anything. 

Deep down I've always had a sparkling belief that I could do anything I wanted to do. I come from a family that believes in me and, generally speaking, I've done a pretty good job of surrounding myself with people who believe in me. But nothing is quite as inspiring as love and someone who loves you and believes in you. The right kind of honest, true love will make you realize you really can do what you want to do with your life, and that you, and only you, have the ability to transform your world and turn your dreams into realities. Before I met him, I believed, but after I met him I started to take serious action. Coincidence? Perhaps. Or maybe it's the amazing power of love and it's ability to transform not only the way we see the world, but the way we see ourselves. 

Your actions always affect others; choose them wisely. 

I am not perfect. I have made mistakes in the past and I continue to make mistakes because I am human and that's what we humans do. There are times when I have been selfish and haven't stopped to think about the consequences of my actions. In the past, I didn't care. I thought to myself, "Hey, I gotta live my life!" and I didn't really care what might happen if someone didn't like my choices. Now I've learned that what I choose to do can have a significant impact on the people who love me and, as a result, I must consider them when I make choices. Love has a way of teaching us that what we do matters not only to us, but also (and sometimes more importantly) to those who love us. 
 

A tight, loving hug can sometimes be the best response.

Earlier this year, I was very unhappy with my employment situation. There was one day in particular where I just sat down on floor and cried, working myself up into a pitiful state at the thought of going to work the next day. I wanted a change (which I eventually got) and I felt incredibly trapped. There wasn't much he could do or say, but he came home and sat down on the floor with me and just hugged me. As I cried into his shoulder, I realized it was one of those moments when really all I needed was a hug from someone who loved me. The work situation still sucked, but I was happy to be there with him, to feel so incredibly loved, and I knew that love would help me get to a place where I was much happier.
 

Your past is important, but not more important than right now.

With all of my focusing on the present, I sometimes feel as if I'm running a bit from the past, trying to pretend as if it didn't happen. But, as anyone who has tried this tactic knows, it never works for very long. The past, like it or not, can creep into the present when you least expect it (and sometimes when you do!), so I've learned that it's best to deal with it head on. It's sometimes painful and uncomfortable, but it's necessary and important if you want to move forward with your present. I've learned that, while dealing with the past is important, but nothing is ultimately more important than the life you're living right now. I used to find myself dragged back into the past, but, because of love, I've learned that the present is where I need to be and that's where I continue to stay -- living, enjoying, and being a part of every moment of my life right now.
 

When you give a lot of love, you get a lot of love.

Now, this statement might not always be true, but when you're dealing with real love, I believe it is. There have been times in my life where I've given love and received nothing in return. The reverse situation has also been true; I have been given love and had nothing to offer up in return. However, I've come to believe that the right kind of love makes the give and take obvious. It makes it unthinkable to even consider not giving and getting lots and lots of love. For the first time, I don't have to question whether or not what I'm giving is being given back to me. I feel it, know it, see it. When I love -- really, truly love -- I see it come back to me and I know, deep down, that I am getting exactly what I'm giving.
 

Gratitude is essential; even a "thank you" can express love.

Often, when things become routine, it can be hard to remember the little things, those "thank yous" can really mean so much, even if said in passing. I've learned that expressing gratitude -- and having gratitude expressed when I've done something -- can mean so much. For example, I am incredibly grateful for the delicious dinners cooked for me every night. I'm more grateful than I could ever really say because I really do hate to cook, and it's so wonderful to enjoy eating dinner. A simple "thank you" could be forgotten, but I try my best to show how grateful I am, no matter how many nights go by, because each and every one of those meals is awesome and I'm so lucky to have someone who makes the effort every night to make me happy.
 

You don't need grand gestures to show you care.

When you feel as if you love someone so much you could just squeeze him (or her), it can be hard to hold back on grandiose expressions of love. But this year I've learned that love doesn't have to be some excessive, expensive display. Expressions of love come in all shapes and sizes. Of course, big grand gestures are nice, but some of the most loving things I've experienced don't have to do with grandness, but instead have to do with him going out of his way to make me happy. Sometimes something small, like taking the pup for a walk when it's cold outside, can mean more than the most lavish gift in the world. If I were given the choice between a million small acts of kindness or one grand gesture, I'd take the kindness every single time. That, to me, is true love.
 

Love can be seen in a single look.

It might sound completely and utterly cheesy, but you really can tell love by a single look. You can look at couples and you can see how they feel about one another just by the way they look at each other. And you can really tell how someone feels about you when they look at you with that certain look of adoration in their eyes. There's no denying that look because, when you're in the midst of that loving emotion, there's no faking that feeling. You can also feel it yourself when you're giving that look to someone else. It's more than eyes and seeing; it's deeper than that. When he says to me, "I love the way you look at me," I can honestly say I know exactly how he's feeling because nothing feels as good as when he looks at me with love in his eyes. 

The greatest love can make you cry with happiness. 

It was somewhere in the middle of the first or second month we were together. He was on vacation and I was at home, propped up on my bed like a teenager, chatting on the phone with him for hours. Neither one of us wanted to hang up, though it was nearly 1:00am. We laughed and told each other stories for hours, and when we finally did say good night, I flopped back on my bed and thought about him. I thought about how much fun I had just talking to him and, then, much to my own surprise, I started crying through my big, cheeseball smile. I was so happy that I was crying. I'd heard of tears of joy, but I'd never before experienced them. This is when I learned that a great love really can make you cry with joy and fill your heart with an surprisingly tear-jerking happiness. 

Don't be afraid to open up your heart, even if you're scared. 

This has been the hardest, and yet the best, lesson for me to learn. In the past, I've opened up my heart, but it's always been hesitantly, with great care, and always holding just a little bit more in than I should. It was with him that I finally felt loved to a degree in which I could fully and completely open up my heart and let him in. To tell you the truth, this was terrifying for me. I always liked to keep other people at an arm's length and to pull someone close to me was an act I was unfamiliar with. Despite my fear, the choice to let him close to me has been surprisingly rewarding, leading me to feel things and share things I never thought I would. Love is amazing in that way; it can inspire us to let go of our fears and fall headfirst into the parts of ourselves that scare us the most. 

Thoughtfulness is at the heart of every great gift.

I know, I know, love shouldn't be about gifts. And, really, it's not. But when I think of love and how it can impact the gift-giving process, it's pretty amazing to see just what thoughtfulness can do when it comes to giving a loved one a gift. There are so many great ways to give a gift and I'm a huge fan of gift giving, but there's nothing quite like a gift from someone who really loves you, who has clearly put time and effort into creating the perfect thing for you. Over the years, I've had my fair share of great gift moments, but nothing compares to the moment last December when I opened up a gift from him that had clearly taken so much effort and demonstrated so much thoughtfulness (both from him and his family, which was an extra loving bonus). Love will do that -- turn a good gift into the perfect moment. 

You can change more than you realize when you're in love.

Personally, I'm of the mindset that you shouldn't have to change a great deal for someone you love. Love is about acceptance and, therefore, the person who loves you most should accept you for who you are. However, love is also about compromise, which means you do have to be open to changing some things in order to coexist in a relationship with someone you love. The thing I've found with real love is that you won't mind changing nearly as much as you might have thought when it comes to doing it for someone you care about (and someone who is also making an effort to change for you too). Love, real love, really is about compromising and meeting the other person half-way and I've learned that, much to my surprise, it's a lot easier to change when you want to do it for the sake of someone who means the world to you.



Though I'm only half-way through these thirty lessons, you can see there is a LOT to be learned from love. It's such an abstract concept at times, but it has powerfully changed me in so many concrete ways, especially over the past nine months of knowing today's birthday boy. It's taught me things I thought I might never fully understand and it's helped me to become more of the person I've always wanted to be. I am fortunate to experience a lot of love in my life, from a variety of different people and in a variety of different ways, but today I have to focus my attention on that special person who has recently come into my life and transformed it. Today I just had to tell not only him but all of you, readers, just how much love has changed me, helped me, and made me better. I'm so thankful that thirty years ago today, this amazing person came into the world and I'm even more thankful that, twenty-nine years later, we found each other. So, to him, today I must say: Happy, happy 30th birthday! You are the shooting star in my sky, lighting up the dark and filling my heart with constant inspiration. I love you. 

 

Stay tuned...coming soon is Part II of this post,
in which I'll share with you the other 15 lessons I've learned from love!

Photo Credit: (♥)

how to create a strong bond with the one you love

(♥)

 

“Love is patient; love is kind
 and envies no one.
 
Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude; 
never selfish, not quick to take offense.

 There is nothing love cannot face;
 there is no limit to its faith, 
its hope, and endurance.
 
In a word, there are three things 
that last forever: faith, hope, and love, 
 but the greatest of them all is love.”

The Bible

I'm fortunate to have some pretty amazing love in my life and it's something I don't, for a second, take for granted. Not everyone is as lucky as I have been when it comes to love and I truly value the time and energy spent on developing a truly loving relationship. Sadly, when it comes to love, there can be a lot of negativity in there. A few weeks ago at my sister's wedding, I heard that famous Letter to the Corinthians, which I've quoted above. Though I've heard it many times, at many weddings (and, of course, in Wedding Crashers), it struck a particular chord with me recently when I realized how much truth resides in those words. 

In order to create a loving and lasting relationship, one must adhere to those principles and focus on them with every passing moment a relationship experiences. As anyone who has been a relationship knows, they aren't all sunshine and rainbows, smiles and happiness. They are hard work sometimes, but I've found that you usually get just about as much as you put into them. If you want to have a strong bond with the one you love, you have to create that bond. And, once you've created it, you have to work on strengthening it all the time. How can you strengthen the bond with the one you love? Here are my suggestions:

  

1. Be patient and kind. For whatever reason, people often take out their worst emotions on the ones they love, but one of the best (and most obvious) ways to strengthen a bond with a loved one is to be patient and kind with that person. It can be hard, at times, to remember patience and kindness, but those two elements are essential when it comes to maintaining a close bond with a loved one.

2. Avoid extreme selfishness. I'm all for the importance of putting yourself first, but, when it comes to making a true and lasting bond with the one you love stick, it's important to avoid extreme selfishness at all costs. Forming a bond has to be a give and take. You must be willing to put others' needs before your own at times if you want to create a bond that will last a lifetime.

3. Do not be rude or boastful. Again, going back to the first point, for some reason people tend to often be rudest to those they love the most. Maybe people think they can get away with it, but, even if you can, rudeness is a surefire way to put stop to forming a close bond with someone you love. If you want to be close, avoid boasting or treating a loved one rudely.

4. Be supportive and avoid envy. There will be times in a loving relationship where one person is more successful or happy than the other. This is normal and this is okay. What's not okay is to be envious of your partner. To create a strong and lasting bond, you must be supportive of the one you love and avoid, at all costs, letting envy take over your emotions.

5. Fill your heart with trust. Many of the biggest issues in many relationships stem from a lack of trust. With all of the various elements life can throw at us, it's not surprising that so many people have issues when it comes to trust. However, if you want to have the best possible bond with the one you love, you must let go of mistrust and open your heart to full and complete trust of one another.  

6. Believe in the power of love. It might sound completely cheesy, but there's a lot of power behind love between two people. It can overcome a great deal -- probably much more than you'd imagine. Love will overcome any negativity -- if you believe in it. To create a strong bond, you have to believe in the love you share and you have to know that, with it, you can deal with all kinds of difficult situations.

7. Celebrate the love you share. Once you've formed a bond with someone, it can be easy to take that love for granted. Don't. Make time to celebrate the love you have in your life and you'll surely continue to increase the bond you share with the one you love. No matter how long it's been since that bond was first created, don't neglect your love. Take time to celebrate it every single day. 
   

I'm really good at doing some of these and, when it comes to others, I could use a little more work and effort on my part. Overall, I know if I focus on cultivating appreciation, gratitude, and respect in my relationship that those things will ultimately lead to a lasting and worthwhile love. So often people find themselves swept up by romance at the beginning of a relationship only to let things fizzle and fade once they grow more comfortable with one another. Often people take it one step further and grow to dislike one another, becoming angry and jealous for little or no reason. It is unfortunate that so many great loves end up turning sour, leaving one or both partners disappointed and unhappy. Many people believe that the initial spark they once felt for another will magically return, but that's not realistic. Real love takes real work and all of the effort one puts into celebrating and working on love is worth it to know that a bond can become unbreakable.

How do YOU create a bond with the one you love? 
What are some things you've done to keep your love strong? 

words to live by: it's your love

 
 

Dancin' in the dark, middle of the night 

Takin' your heart and holdin' it tight 

Emotional touch, touchin' my skin 

And asking you to do 

what you've been doin' all over again 

Oh, it's a beautiful thing 

don't think I can keep it all in 

I just gotta let you know 

what it is that won't let me go 

It's your love 

It just does something to me 

It sends a shock right through me 

I can't get enough 

And if you wonder 

About the spell I'm under 

Oh, it's your love 

Better than I was 

more than I am 

And all of this happened 

by taking your hand 

And who I am now 

is who I wanted to be 

And now that we're together 

I'm stronger than ever 

I'm happy and free 

Oh, it's a beautiful thing 

Don't think I can keep it all in 

If you asked me why I've changed 

All I gotta do is say your sweet name 

It's your love 

It just does something to me 

It sends a shock right through me 

I can't get enough 

And if you wonder 

About the spell I'm under 

Oh, it's your love 

Oh it's a beautiful thing, 

Don't think I can keep it all in 

I just gotta let you know

 what it is that won't let me go 

It's your love 

It just does something to me 

It sends a shock right through me 

I can't get enough 

And if you wonder 

About the spell I'm under 

Oh, it's your love 

It's your love, it's your love, 

it's your love

"It's Your Love"
 Tim McGraw & Faith Hill

Yesterday, my little sister got married. This is the song she and her new husband danced to on their wedding night. It's such a beautiful, moving song and the dance they shared moved me just as much as these lyrics did. Sadly, there are few couples I know who I really look at and say, "Wow, that's love" -- but my sister and her husband are one of them. This song really is representative of their love, and I'm so happy for them. If you haven't heard the song, click here to listen to Tim McGraw and Faith Hill. 
 
"Words To Live By" is a segment on Positively Present that features my favorite quote or lyrics from the week. Every Sunday I post a quote or lyrics that have inspired me with the hope that they'll inspire you too. Comments will be closed on these posts, but feel free to tweet the post if you enjoy it or contact me via Twitter.

lessons on love: a book review

 (♥)
 

"The idea of love is understood by each person
according to their state of mind at the moment,
and often it is founded upon elements
typical of the age in which they live.
For these reasons, the concept of love
can manifest in a thousand difference ways."

When I was recently asked to review The Love: Of the Fifth Spiritual Paradigm, narrated by Laura M. George, J.D., I jumped at the chance. Filled with amazing content written by over seventy authors, The Love is a collection of essays, articles, and poems that focus on love in all of its many forms – and, as you probably know from reading my blog, the concept of love really interests me because it is one of the most positive things we can experience. (For more on this, check out the “9 Positive Aspects of Love”.) Love is an amazing thing and it can take shape in so many ways. Some of them are quite obvious – such as romantic love – but others are much more elusive and hard to explain.

For thousands and thousands of years, people have been writing about the topic of love, and when I first cracked open the book, I must admit that I was doubtful that the book – even with its thick volume filled with 400+ pages – would be able to take on all of the various types of love. But as I read through the articles, poems, and essays, I came to realize that, with dedication and thoughtfulness put into the topic, the various aspects of love could be explored on a deep and meaningful level. As I kept reading, I learned more about diverse types of love and it made me see how much love there really is in the world. If you don’t have a chance to read the book, at least take a look at some of the quotes I’ve pulled from it. Below I’ve shared some of my favorites from the book and given you a little explanation of why I think these are the quotes that are so important when contemplating love.

Animal Love 

"...animals are so very easy to love. And we need things that are easy to love. We need things that can elegantly and safely receive our clumsy, wet-behind-the-ears, and exasperatingly immature human expressions of love." 

For those of you animal-lovers out there, you get this quote. It really speaks to our need, as humans, to love things that will love us back unconditionally, no matter what our flaws might be. Likewise, we often love animals back in the same way. I know that I love my dog with a fierceness that is rarely seen in other parts of my life. She can drive me crazy with her licking and her neediness and her silly OCD-like tendencies, but I love her more than I can begin to describe with words. Though she herself is not particularly elegant, she has that amazing, dog-like ability to elegantly receive all of the love I give to her. She is an outlet for me to express all of the silliest sides of love and, for being that, I love her even more.

The Love contains many great articles on animal love, and one in particular contains “An Animal Manifesto: 10 Reasons to Treat Animals Better.” Whether or not you have a pet, you will be able to relate to this list because it teaches that animals – not just people – are worthy of our love and respect. I really do believe that one of the greatest loves we can experience is the love of animals and anyone who doubts that would learn a great deal from this book.

Family Love

"Numerous studies indicate that love is an essential part of a child's upbringing from birth; it helps the individual to thrive, while it teaches the qualities necessary for belonging to a wider community." 

The word “family” can conjure up a variety of emotions. For some, family is the greatest word, symbolic of all that is good and safe and right about the world. For others, family is a word that is synonymous with conflict and strife, headache and heartache. The love of family is something that is so unique to each individual that it’s hard to put into words just what it means in a general sense. When I read the articles about family love in The Love, however, I was impressed by how well the topic was covered.

The topic of family can be a difficult one to address and, for many, love isn’t always at the forefront. However, for those that have a loving family, it is one of the most life-giving and supportive kinds of love available. Family is something that is there from birth. It is something we are expected to love from day one, unlike friendships and romantic relationships that develop over time. The instant love of a family is something that cannot easily be replicated or replaced. It is that love that stays with children throughout their lives, making it one of the most important types of love we can give or receive.

Community Love

"Let us also acknowledge that unfettered allegiance -- to state boundaries, cultural constructs, and religious dogma -- comprise the greatest threat to our collective survival. Once we abandon the prejudice and fear which bound our tribal ancestors, we will be ready to experience the joy of true communal life and love." 

The love of one’s community can be both a positive and a negative thing. It is so important to feel part of something, to belong to a group, but it can also mean shutting out others. When we identify with certain characteristics about ourselves or our lives, we have the privilege of being included—but at the price of excluding others. Addressed in this chapter of the book is the love of one’s community and how we can come to understand that community not as a space which we share with others, but as a limitless space that we share with everyone.

As stated in the quote above, if we really want to experience true life and love, we have to abandon our fears and our prejudices. We have to see the world as a place where all deserve love, where we celebrate and enjoy our differences rather than use them to isolate ourselves or one another. It can be a difficult thing to extend love to the world in a general, communal sense. It is much easier to share love with those you know and have chosen to be around. But, in order to truly experience love in its highest form, we have experience communal love.

Romantic Love

"Love energizes the soul so that the soul becomes playful, buoyant, and even gets to use its cunning. It knows that every moment can be lived erotically. Passionate living is not reduced to sex... We feel the power of love as we taste it, touch it, smell it, and sense it all. Love and life seduce us."  

When I read these words, written by Dr. Brenda Schaeffer, author of Love's Way and Is It Love Or Is It Addiction?, I knew they would be the ones I would choose to write about in this post. Throughout this chapter of the book there were many, many great lines on romantic love and what its meaning is, but this one stood out the most to me because it took romantic love to a higher level. If you can think back to a time when you were deeply, madly in love (or perhaps you are right now!), you’ll recall that everything in life seems to change. As you may have read in my post, “Seeing Life Through the Eyes of Love,” everything seems different when you’re in love.

Love really does energize the soul. It’s one of those things that can turn everything—even the most difficult situations—into something pleasant and exciting. Love makes us passionate, and not just about the person we are in love with. Love makes us passionate about life. It’s one of the greatest things we can experience and it’s something that can be very, very hard to define. However, as I read through the articles written about romantic love, I found that I came to a greater understanding—and a greater appreciation—of what it means to be involved in love. If you have a chance to read The Love, you’ll find many great articles on romantic love, as well as some great advice, such as the suggestions for romantic soul mates that I found in one particularly well-written essay. Whether you’re in love or not, you probably realize the value of romantic love and I can assure you that there’s some valuable content on the subject in The Love.

Self Love

"To love oneself is a critical step in the assumption of the highest experience of love." 

I’ve written many times on Positively Present about the importance of self-love, which is why I chose this as one of the sections to highlight in this post. It is so, so important to love yourself if you want to experience any love outside of yourself. In order to receive love from others, you must love yourself. In order to give love to others, you must love yourself. It is probably the hardest love to achieve because, generally speaking, we are all our own worst critics, but it is the most important love. It is the highest form of love. And it is the love that will transform into love of all things and all people. If we are able to love ourselves, we are able to love the world.

Another quote from the book puts it like this:"You must have a clear sense of who you are beneath and beyond all of the style and hype. You must love yourself more than the labels and possessions which feed your ego." We are all cursed with egos and we must learn that, if we really want to love ourselves, we must not feed those egos. Instead, we must develop sure senses of self that will override our desire to conform to what we feel we must be. We must love ourselves more than the things we possess or the things that try to possess us. To learn more about how you can start loving yourself now, check out “Don’t Wait for Love: 10 Ways to Love Yourself Now”.

The topics I covered in this post are only a few of those written about in The Love. The book deals with all sorts of love and provides readers with a plethora of articles and essays to choose from on every topic. What’s great about this book is that it’s a fantastic resource not just for the topic of love, but for the topic of life. So many aspects are addressed in the book—family, community, self, religion, animals, romance, art, learning, freedom—that it’s hard to read the book without learning more not only about love, but about life as well.

And now I will leave you with another wonderful quote that I read in this book. As you think about love today, remember this: "No love is useless. It is not true that when we abandon or are abandoned by someone we have lost years of our life. That love is certain to have been a teaching, an element that has sculpted us so as to become what we are."

 

[love edition] words to live by: jump then fall

 
 

(♥)

I like the way you sound in the morning,

we're on the phone and without a warning

I realize your laugh is the best sound I have ever heard

 

I like the way I can't keep my focus,

I watch you talk you didn't notice

I hear the words but all I can think is we should be together

every time you smile, I smile

and every time you shine, I'll shine for you

whoa oh I'm feeling you baby

don't be afraid to jump then fall, jump then fall into me 

baby, I'm never gonna leave you,

say that you wanna be with me too

cause I'm gonna stay through it all so jump then fall

well I like the way your hair falls in your face

you got the keys to me I love each freckle on your face, oh,

I've never been so wrapped up, 

honey, I like the way you're everything I've ever wanted

I had time to think it oh-over and all I can say is come closer,

take a deep breath and jump then fall into me

every time you smile, I smile

and every time you shine, I'll shine for you

whoa oh I'm feeling you baby

don't be afraid to jump then fall, jump then fall into me 

baby, I'm never gonna leave you,

say that you wanna be with me too

cause I'm gonna stay through it all so jump then fall

the bottoms gonna drop out from under our feet

I'll catch you, I'll catch you

when people say things that bring you to your knees,

I'll catch you

the time is gonna come when you're so mad you could cry

but I'll hold you through the night until you smile

whoa oh I need you baby

don't be afraid please

jump then fall, jump then fall into me

baby, I'm never gonna leave you,

say that you wanna be with me too

cause I'm gonna through it all so jump then fall

jump then fall baby

jump then fall into me, into me

every time you smile, I smile

and every time you shine, I'll shine

and every time you're here baby, I'll show you, I'll show you

you can jump then fall, jump then fall, jump then fall into me, into me 

Taylor Swift
"Jump Then Fall" 

"Words To Live By" is a segment on Positively Present that features my favorite quote or lyrics from the week. Every Sunday I post a quote or lyrics that have inspired me with the hope that they'll inspire you too. This month I've created a special "Love Edition" of "Words To Live By," featuring lyrics from my favorite love songs. Comments will be closed on these posts, but feel free to tweet the post if you enjoy it or contact me via Twitter.

link ♥ love: 50+ articles you should read now

"The more you read, the more things you will know.
The more that you learn, the more places you'll go."

Dr. Seuss

Since I started Positively Present over a year ago, I've spent a great deal of time reading blogs and articles related to positivity and living a happier, more present life. Since today is the last post in the Positively Present Month of Love series, I thought I'd share with you all of the blog posts and articles I've fallen in love with over the course of the past year. This list by no means includes all of my favorite posts (there are just too many great ones out there!), but it's a good starting point. Enjoy the articles and feel free to share those that I missed in the comments section! 

1 Huge Step Toward Happiness

2 Steps for Improving Your Life

3 Pieces of Advice I'd Give My 18-Year-Old Self

3 Secrets for Feeling Positive About Life

3 Tips to Calm Anxiety

4 Tips for Saying "No"

4 Ways to Make Time Work for You

5 Phases of Personal Development

5 Powerful Habits that Will Change Your Life

5 Reasons to Always Be Positive

5 Ways to Be Happier

6 Steps for Finding Your True Purpose

6 Traits that Separate Winners from Whiners

6 Ways to Be Positive in Any Situation

6 Ways to Conquer Fear

7 Proven Ways to Live a Happy Life

7 Ways to Find Happiness Through Simplicity

7 Ways to Make Your Life More Meaningful

8 Helpful Ways to Deal with Critical People

8 Tips for Maintaining Friendships

8 Ways to Increase Your Joy Factor

8 Ways to Stay Present and Focused

9 Steps for Being Decisive

9 Tips for Feeling Better in a Crisis

9 Ways to Overcome Jealousy

10 Benefits of Positive Thinking

10 Tips for Navigating the Waters of Life

10 Ways to Connect with Others

10 Ways to Have Peaceful, Loving Relationships

10 Ways to Turn a Bad Mood Good

11 Questions that Lead to Gratitude

11 Simple Ways to Spread Positivity

12 Powerful Life Lessons

12 Tips to Create a Happier Workplace

13 Reasons to Stop Complaining

13 Tips for Dealing with a Lousy Day

14 Facts about Happiness

15 Questions to Discover Your Personal Mission

15 Ways to Overcome Anger

19 Tips for Cheering Yourself Up

20 Powerful Beliefs to Push You To Success

23 Phrases to Help You Fight Right

24 Tips for Being Happy at Work

25 Healthy Habits that Can Change Your Life

27 Questions to Help You Find Yourself

28 Steps to a Positive and Successful Life

39 Ways to Boost Your Mood

40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain
 
50 Simple Steps to Happiness

50 Ways to Get Over Failure

50 Ways You Can Create a Better Day

60 Ways to Become the Person You Love

70 Ideas for Enjoy Life More Today

100 Ways You Can Start Loving Yourself Right Now

101 Things Worth More Than Your Bank Account

121 Ways to Improve Your Life and Be More Awesome


I hope you take some time to go through these links and check them out. These articles have really inspired me and I know they would inspire you too. Thank you to all of the great writers who wrote these and shared their thoughts. It takes a lot of work to write and article and I love the effort these authors put in. Thank you, writers! Your work is loved!

Are there any must-read articles that I missed?
Please link to them in the comments section!

 

let go & let it in: how to stop being afraid of love

 

"The end of fear is where we begin the moment we decided to let love in
There's nothing we can do about the things we have to do without
The only way to feel again is let love in."

Goo Goo Dolls
 

If you were sitting in a room filled of people and asked, "How many of you want to be in love?" I bet you wouldn't be at all surprised if most hands in the room shot up quickly and without hesitation. Whether or not we think about it on a daily basis, love is something we all want. In fact, most things we work toward in life are based on the idea of wanting love and acceptance. We want to be successful and well-liked, but, above all, what we all really want is to be loved. However, much as we all want it, so many of us are actually really scared to get it. The way some people feel about love reminds me of the way my dog Bella acts when you give her a bone. She really wants the bone, but when you hand it to her, she won't take it. For whatever reason, she shiess away from it, looking at it warily from the corner of her eye. If you set it down on the floor, she'll run up to it and snatch it quickly, trotting it over to the couch or carpet where she promptly begins chewing. She wants the bone -- she really does -- but for some reasons she's scared of it. A lot of people are like that when it comes to love.

If you're lucky enough to be offered love, it doesn't always mean that you're going to welcome it into your life with open arms. Like my pup Bella, you may look at it from the corner of your eye, sizing it up and wondering whether or not you should take it. Why? Because you're afraid. Many, many people are afraid to love because they are afraid of getting hurt or they're afraid their not good enough or they're afraid they aren't capable of love themselves or they're afraid for reasons I've never heard of or reasons that are uniquely their own. In the past I've struggled with accepting love in my life. Like everyone, I've desperately wanted love, but, like so many, I've had difficulty letting others get close to me. Why? Because I was afraid that, inevitably, they would hurt me. Just like Bella with the bone, I was afraid of taking something I knew I wanted for fear that I would be hurt by it. (Also like Bella, once the love was left there for me to take from the safety of the floor, no longer being waved in my face, I found that I could reach down and grab it on my own, at my own pace.)

For a very long time, I was afraid of love. That doesn't mean I wasn't in love or I wasn't spending time loving others, but it does mean that during those times I was living in fear. I was loving but, at the same time, I was so afraid of losing. I held back for fear of love's loss holding me back. For me, and for many others,  letting love into my life was really difficult. It seems silly because, when you think about it, who wouldn't want love? We all want it but, for a variety of reasons, it can sometimes feel like the hardest thing in the world -- even when the love itself feels so good. I've found that letting love in can actually require you to be brave, to open up to someone else in a way that you never thought you wanted to, and to believe that you can trust another person. Doing these things can be very challenging and, positive as love can be, the potential loss of it can also be very intimidating.

Let's bring it back to Bella, shall we? Anyone who has a pet knows that, at some point, that pet is going to die. My sweet little Bella is turning six next month and that means that, quite possibly, about half her life is over. Now, that sounds like an incredibly morbid thought I know, but think about it this way: just because I know my best buddy is going to die does that mean I'm going to stop loving her and playing with her and spending as much time with her as I can? Just because I know she's going to be gone at some point (yep, my eyes are welling up already at the thought of it) and I will be heartbroken, does that mean I shouldn't allow her little awesomeness to be a part of my life? No. Knowing that I'm going to lose her, in fact,  makes me love her all the more and makes me take extra care with making the most of my time with her (what if we thought that way with all of our relationships?).

The point is: losing love sucks and I don't disagree with that for a minute. Cliche as it might be, that old quote "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" really is true. Losing love can be terrible and terrifying, but does it mean we shouldn't love? Certainly not! I understand from experience how hard it can be to open your heart and mind to the idea of love, but every second of love is worth it, even if it ends in heartache. So, when faced with the sometimes scary opportunity of letting love into your life, ask yourself these questions:

1. What do I really have to lose? It might seem like you have a lot to lose if you're considering your last heartbreak or thinking about all of those media-generated images of people who have had their hearts broken, but, really, what is it that you will lose if you actually let someone love you and it doesn't work out? You'll have to deal with some difficult times and you'll certainly feel rough at some points, but will it be the end of the world? No. You will survive and, if you hold back and don't let love in, you will have missed out on all of the wonderful things that come along with being in love. It can be very easy to focus on the negatives in any situation when you feel afraid. It can be much easier to just steer clear of anything that might potential make you feel bad, but, when you think about it logically, the good most often overrides the bad when it comes to love. 
   
   
2. What's the worst that could happen? I know a broken heart may seem like the worse thing that could happen (and, yes, it's up there in terms of pain), but will you be unable to go on if you let love in and it doesn't work out the way you planned? Nope. You'll be able to survive. As wonderful and amazing and inspiring as love is, it's not everything when it comes to life. Life is about so many things and, while love does play a big part in many aspects of life, without it you won't wither away and die. Without it, your life won't have lost it's meaning. Whatever you think the worst thing that could happen is, remember that love is better than that and it's worth the risk. Every single time.
   
   
3. What can I gain from love? Now, let's focus on the positives for a moment. Love, as anyone who has ever been in love knows, is A-W-E-S-O-M-E. It's one of the best things ever. Not only does it make you feel like a million bucks, but it also has health benefits and generally puts you in a much better, more positive, frame of mind. You can gain a lot from love. When someone in your life really loves you, that person will be there to support you. That person will stand by you and lift you up when you're feeling down. Check out the post "9 Positive Aspects of Love" to read all about how you can benefit from love. Focusing on the positives may help you to see that love really is worth the risk of heartache.
   
   
4. What am I really afraid of? When you begin with the idea that you're afraid of love (or anything for that matter), it's important to take another look at your fear and really try to understand it. Are you afraid of letting love in because you don't trust people? Are you afraid of letting love in because you don't feel as though you love yourself? Are you afraid of letting love in because you don't know if you could really love someone else? There are many reasons you might be holding back and it's important to take a look at the reasons behind your fears and try to deal with those. If you have issues with trust or self-love, for example, it's important to focus on those and work toward understanding yourself better. Once you do that, it'll be a lot easier to let love into your life.
   
   
5. How can I let go of my fears? After you determine what you're really afraid of -- and, yes, you must really learn to listen to yourself and be completely 100% honest with yourself with this one -- you can begin to figure out how you can let go of your fears and focus on the positive aspects of love (which, in reality, out weigh the negatives, though it may not always seem that way if you're in heartbreak mode). Remember: even when things don't work out, all of those good love-powered highs will have been worth it. When you love someone, it may feel like you're giving away a part of yourself, but really you're simply allowing that part of yourself to go out into the world and grow stronger. You have much more to gain than you do to lose.

Once you've given those questions some thought, I bet you'll find that it will be a lot easier to let that love in. Like Bella with her bone, you might be scared to take love when it's offered to you. You might fear it will hurt you or you will hurt others or that, for whatever reason, you don't deserve it. You might struggle with trusting others, trusting yourself, or even trusting love. But listen up! Love is amazing. It's one of the best things in the whole world and it's not every day that it comes along and shines it's bright light on your world. If you're given the chance to love and be loved, take it. No matter how difficult it is, no matter what you have to do to make it happen, let go of your fears and let love in.

Do you struggle with accepting love?
How do you let love into your life?

Photo Credit: (♥)

7 strategies for loving each and every day

 (♥)

  "No yesterdays are ever wasted for those 
who give themselves to today."

Brendan Francis

Do you wake up every morning with a grin on your face, jumping out of bed with a fresh eagerness for the day ahead? Yeah, me neither. As much as I want to be positive 24/7, it's not easy to wake up every morning and say to yourself, "I'm going to LOVE today!" Some days are just downright difficult and no matter how you look at them, the negative seems to out weight the positive. As most of us probably know, sometimes you wake to a day that can be so overwhelming that you're actually scared of it. The other day as I was searching through photos on the amazing We Heart It, I came across the image above and it caused me to pause and think about how I determined I am to love each and every day. I had to ask myself, "Am I really that determined to love each and every day? Or do I settle into that fear sometimes, really letting negativity about the day's events get the best of me?" As much as I want to start every day off with the hope and cheerful notion that it will be a day I love, that's not always the easiest thing to do when faced with some of life's challenges. 

There's no getting around the fact that every single day won't be lovable. Life is challenging and there are simply going to be days that cannot be labeled "great" -- but that doesn't mean we shouldn't give it our best shot to try to love each and every day. I think it's perfectly okay to realize that not every day will be great -- or even good -- but I don't think it's okay not to at least give every day a chance. I'm not sure about you, but I've definitely had some days that seemed like they would be awful and then transformed into some of the best days I've ever had. Life is unpredictable like that and it's hard to know what's going to happen in a single day. As many of you probably know, a single moment can turn your life around and it only takes a second for day to turn from god-awful to glorious (and, yes, it can go the other way too, but let's focus on the positive since this is a blog about positivity). As many of you also probably know, attitude has a lot to do with your day. If you start off with the belief that a day is going to suck, you'll quickly realize that the day actually does suck. However, if you start off with the attitude that your day is going to kick ass... well, you just might find that it does. 

I'm not going to pretend that every day can be fabulous if you just have the right attitude. Sometimes terrible things happen that are out of our control. Sometimes we just don't feel like things are going right and sometimes a bad-mood funk can suck the life out of even the most promising days. We can't make every day perfect, but we can give it the best head-start possible. It's just like that "breakfast is the most important meal of the day" idea. What you eat for breakfast won't necessarily determine what you'll eat the rest of the day, but more often than not, if you eat a healthy breakfast you'll eat a healthy lunch and dinner too. That's what we need to think about when we're starting our days. Sure, even if we have a positive attitude at the beginning of the day, we might consume some negativity later on. But it's a lot more likely that we'll keep gobbling up that healthy positivity if we start the day off with the right mindset. 

7 Ways to Start Off (and Love!) Your Day 

1. Be grateful. One of the best ways to start off your day on the right foot is to begin your day by thinking about the things you're grateful for. It's not always easy to do this if you're in a bad mood or you have some difficult activities to look forward to that day, but taking a few moments to be thankful for what is going well in your life is an excellent way to dive into the day with a positive attitude. If you like writing, it might be helpful to keep a little journal beside your bed and jot down the things that you're grateful for when you wake up in the morning. If you're not the writing kind, just thinking about the things that you're thankful for as you're opening your eyes and starting the day is a great way to start things off right. 

2. Be energized. It can be hard to start off the day right if you're not feeling full of energy. When you're tired or dragging, it's going to be difficult to be positive. I know first hand that when I'm not well-rested, I definitely feel like my mood worsens. So, in order to start of the day energized, make sure you get the right amount of rest (not too much or too little, Goldilocks!), eat healthy foods every day, drink lots and lots of water, and exercise (yeah, I need to work on that one...). If you treat your body right, you're more likely to be starting your days off with a lot of energy. Another way to start off your day with energy is to try your best to end your day with positive thoughts and images. When you're getting ready for bed, try to focus on the good things that happened that day and try to watch/read things that are positive. You can do a lot of preparing the day before to wake up energized and refreshed so get started now!                                                                                                                      

3. Be mindful. Being present is one of the best ways to love every day. When you're living in the moment, you're not stressing about the future and you're not dwelling on the past. And one of the best ways to be present is to be mindful. Being mindful can be difficult, especially if you're not super excited about whatever you're engaging in on any particular day, but if you make the extra effort to look around you -- to really, truly pay attention to your life and all that surrounds you -- you'll find that your days seem a lot more exciting. And a lot easier to love. Mindfulness and being very aware of what's happening around you keeps you present and helps to keep unnecessary stress from your mind. Pay attention to everything, even the littlest details, and you'll find that every day is worth loving. 

4. Be realistic. When you start your day, you might be overcome with ideas of what you think the day will -- or should -- entail. So often we place expectations on our days -- good or bad -- and so often these expectations aren't realistic. How often have you thought a day would be the worst ever or anticipated that your day would be absolutely fantastic? It's great to have an idea of what your day is going to be like, but it's not so great to be projecting generalizations on your day. It can be very tempting to think things like, "This day is going to be terrible" or "This is going to be the worst day ever," but it's pretty unlikely that things will go as drastically as you've made out in your head. When you really start to think about something realistically, you'll probably realize that things won't be as bad as you think they will be. Be realistic about what your day will entail and you'll most likely be able to handle whatever comes your way. Realize that most things aren't the end of the world and you'll be much more likely to face your challenges head on.  

5. Be open. Just think about the number of times you've started off a day thinking you knew exactly how it would go only to find out that it unveiled itself in an entirely unpredictable way. Life throws us some pretty crazy curve balls and one of the hardest things to do sometimes is to just let those curve balls come right at us. There are a lot of things in any given day that our out of our control. Sometimes this can be one of the hardest things to deal with in terms of loving your day, and that's why it's important to be open. Be open to the idea that anything can happen and that anything that may happen might actually be good. I know things have happened to me that I didn't understand at the time, but that ended up being really great for me. Be open to new experiences and be open to the idea that any day has the potential to be a great day and you're a lot more likely to enjoy your days a whole lot more. 

6. Be hopeful. Along with being open, you also want to start off every day with a healthy dose of hope. Some days this is so easy. It can be so easy when things are going well to believe that they'll keep going well, but then there are those days when hope seems like something you dreamt about once as a child. There are days when hope seems as likely as a fairy tale. And those are the days you need hope the most. When you wake and think the day is going to be awful, remember to have hope. Any day can transform into the best day -- even when it seems completely beyond the realm of possibility. Life is so very unpredictable and I've never, ever been able to 100% predict what would happen to me on any given day. So when a day seems destined for dismal, take a moment and indulge in a little hope. It might sound silly or cliche, but there's nothing like hope to get your day rolling in the right direction. No matter how much you think you're going to hate your day, wake up and have hope because you never, ever know what the day will bring. 

7. Be determined. As the quote in the image above says, you have to be determined. You have to really want to love every day. If you don't, you won't. It's just that simple. Waking up happily and cheerfully every single morning might sound like a bit much to ask for, but you can wake up believing that your day will hold something magical and unexpected. You always have the opportunity to choice a positive outlook (even when it feels like the hardest thing in the world to do), but when it comes to loving each day, you have to be determined. You have to really want it and you have to make an effort. This is a very hard thing to do and I can't say that I've mastered it yet, but I want to. I want to love every day as if it's my last day and even though I'm not at that point yet, I have hope that I someday can be that person. Determination is key when it comes to numbers 1-6. Without determination, it's going to very hard to do any of the things above when you're facing a really hard day, but if you're determined you have the power to do anything -- including love every day you're alive. 

Following these seven strategies won't always be easy. In fact, if you're anything like me, most days it'll be harder than it would seem. But if you try them and you are determined to love your days, I know you (and I!) can do it. Life's too short not to love every day you're alive, but I think we often forget to love our days. Too often we forget that this life isn't a given and that even when we're in a slump or a funk or a place of pain, we're all pretty lucky to be here. Every day you must wake and you must go on with your life so why not make an effort to love it? 

[love edition] words to live by: first day of my life

 (♥)

 

This is the first day of my life

Swear I was born right in the doorway

I went out in the rain

Suddenly everything changed 

They're spreadin' blankets on the beach

Yours is the first face that I saw

Think I was blind before I met you 

I don't know where I am

I don't know where I've been

But I know where I want to go

So I thought I'd let you know

That these things take forever

I especially am slow

But I realized that I need you

And I wondered if I could come home

I remember the time you drove all night

Just to meet me in the morning

And I thought it was strange

You said everything changed

You felt as if you'd just woke up

And you said,

This is the first day of my life,

Glad I didn't die before I met you

But now I don't care I could go anywhere with you

And I'd probably be happy.

So if you wanna be with me

With these things there's no telling 

We'll just have to wait and see

But I'd rather be working for a paycheck 

Than waiting to win the lottery

Besides maybe this time it's different

I mean I really think you'll like me...

Bright Eyes
"First Day of My Life"

"Words To Live By" is a segment on Positively Present that features my favorite quote or lyrics from the week. Every Sunday I post a quote or lyrics that have inspired me with the hope that they'll inspire you too. This month I've created a special "Love Edition" of "Words To Live By," featuring lyrics from my favorite love songs. Comments will be closed on these posts, but feel free to tweet the post if you enjoy it or contact me via Twitter.