The Positive Power of Pups : How Dogs Can Help You

 

BarkleytheMorkie

 

This week I was fortunate enough to team up with Purina and Barkley the Morkie (Yes, she officially has an Instagram account. If you like cute and sassy, you'll enjoy it!) to celebrate the first annual Beverly Hills Dog Show. Bark and I might not live in Beverly Hills (yet!), but we're thrilled to be part of such an awesome event, raising money for a good cause: Leader Dogs for the Blind â€” a global organization dedicated to enhancing the lives of individuals who are blind or visually impaired. Learn more about the dog show and the campaign at the end of this post. 

 

If you're new here, you might not know that love dogs. Like, a lot. Like, so much that when I was a little kid I told my parents that my dream was to marry a dog. (A fact my dad likes to joke about, telling me that I have, in a way, achieved my dream through my single, ultimate-dog-mom status. Thanks, Dad.🙄 ) This isn't the first (or last!) time I've written about the wonderful lessons I've learned from the four-legged friends in my life, but I'm always learning new things about the positive power of pups. Keep reading for my latest thoughts on the positive power of pups! (Note: I'm pretty sure most of these apply to cats and other pets as well, so don't be deterred if you're not a dog lover!)

 

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The Ultimate Book Gift Guide

 

Books-Are-Magic

 

If there's one thing I love, it's books (as you might have seen my recent YouTube video: 10 Books That Changed My Life!) I believe books are, as Stephen King put it, "uniquely portable magic." I meant to simply post a list of books I would recommend, but as I was scanning my bookshelves and my GoodReads page, I couldn't help but think about all of the book beliefs I hold. Here are just a few of them...

 

I believe books can transform the way you think about the world -- and yourself. They shape your values. They provide guidance and inspiration and a safe, healthy form of escape. 

I believe a little part of every book I've ever read stays with me forever, even if I don't always remember the exact words I've read. The meanings we find in words stay etched on our souls. 

I believe a space without books is lacking not only in knowledge, but in beauty as well. Some of my favorite sights are the straight, colorful spines of books. 

I believe the best books can (and should!) be read over and over again. Every time you read a book you love, you can learn something new about who you are.

I believe the best books for you won't always be the ones topping the best-seller list. I believe there're little bits of word magic found on garage sale tables and in the nooks of used book stores.

I believe we are all book-lovers at heart, even those of us who claim not to adore them. Each of us is a story-teller, and each of us loves a story well told. 

I believe you can fall in love with characters and authors and fictional places you've never been; I believe this kind of love is just as real as the heart-pounding, palm-sweating kind. 

I believe every book we read is unique to us; the reader, as much as the writer, crafts the story or explores the knowledge with her imagination and insight.

I believe there can be nuggets of goodness even in a bad book, but I don't believe in continuing to turn the pages just to reach an end. If you hate it, put it down. 

I believe a great book can make you feel less alone;  in the words on a page, you can find compassion, love, and forgiveness. A great book can be a mirror both for who you are and who you want to be. 

I believe you shouldn't believe every word you read; just because it's in print doesn't mean it's true. Books can lead to truth, but not all of them are filled with it.

I believe reading can help you to remember, and it can also help you to forget. It's up to you to choose which mindset you happen to be in the mood for. 

I believe books are a pathway to freedom. With one in your hand, you can become and learn and see absolutely anything; there are no rules inside of a book. 

I believe the best books never actually come to an end. The words continue to be read and re-read in all the words you think and speak and feel. 

I believe there will never be an end to the list of books I want to read, but I will keep doggedly plowing through my to-read list for the rest of my life. 

(Like these words? Download I Believe Books!)

 

And, most importantly, I believe everyone -- even the "I don't really get into reading" types -- can benefit from reading a great book. So here's a list of some of my favorites, along with some thoughts on who these books might be perfect for (they might speak to you or they might make perfect gifts for that holiday season that's just around the corner!)  

I've tried to sort them in to some sort of order, but truly I recommend looking through the whole list because you never know what might spark your interest (or sound perfect for someone you know!)

  

FOR ADULT FAMILY MEMBERS

For literally anyone related to you or who has a family... 
It Didn't Start with You / Mark Wolynn

For your uber-opinionated and vocal grandfather...
The Joy of Argument / Albert Navarra

For your too tough-and-cool for self-help uncle...
10% Happier / Dan Harris

For your memory-hoarding mother... 
The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up / Marie Kondo

For your self-involved (but secretly sweet) teenager... 
Tiny Buddha's 365 Love Challenges / Lori Deschene

For your not-quite-on-the-same-page spouse...
The Five Love Languages / Gary Chapman

For your romance-novel-reading mother-in-law...
Other People's Love Letters / Bill Shapiro

For your hilarious (and a bit odd) aunt...
Furiously Happy / Jenny Lawson

For your sibling with a kid who's struggling in school...
Thinking Organized / Rhonna Gordon

For the dad who thinks feminism is for women only...
Feminism Is for Everybody / bell hooks

For your aunt and uncle who're constantly bickering...
Blamestorming / Rob Kendall

For your health-conscious, foodie brother-in-law...
In Defense of Food / Michael Pollan 

For the mother who puts everyone else first... 
Too Nice for Your Own Good / Duke Robinson

For your brother who needs a bit of inspiration...
This is How / Augusten Burroughs

For your father-in-law who loves a good mystery...
Knights in White Satin / Philip DiPirro

For your sister who's against ever marrying...
Spinster / Kate Bolick

For your aunt who's self-identifies as a dog mom...
Inside of a Dog / Alexandra Horowitz

For the cousin still working on that novel...
On Writing / Stephen King

For the niece struggling through her 20s...
It's a Wonderful Lie / Emily Franklin

For the aunt who loves daily bits of insight... 
Stay Positive / Dani DiPirro (me!)

For your spouse (read it together!)...
Love 2.0 / Barbara L. Frederickson

For the sibling you've not-so-subtly resented for years... 
Forgiveness / Dani DiPirro (me!)

For your parent who's curious about self-improvement...
The Positively Present Guide to Life / Dani DiPirro (me!)

 

FOR KIDS AND TEENAGERS

For your slightly neurotic niece or nephew...
Owl at Home / Arnold Lobel

For a teenager at odds with her mother...
The Runaway Bunny / Margaret Wise Brown

For the child who's not like his/her siblings...
The Trumpet of the Swan / E.B. White

For the teen who doesn't like standing out... 
The Perks of Being a Wallflower / Stephen Chbosky

For the little toddler who's always a bit grumpy...
Have You Filled Your Bucket Today? / Carol McCloud

For the little one who's always daydreaming...
Once Upon a Cloud / Claire Keane

For the middle-schooler adjusting to a new place... 
I Capture the Castle / Dodie Smith

For the teen with a potentially self-destructive friend...
Looking for Alaska / John Green

For the teenage girl who love the broody boys...
The Wind Blows Backward / Mary Downing Hahn

For the girl who needs some modern advice...
Girl Talk / Christie Young

For the little girl who wants a place of her own...
Mandy / Julie Andrews Edwards

For the creative teenager who needs a pick-me-up...
Pick Me Up / Adam J. Kurtz 

For the deep-thinking, graphic-book-loving teen...
Persepolis / Marjane Satrapi

For the teenager always snapping Insta pics...
A Beautiful Mess Photo Idea Book / Elsie Larson

For the super creative (and a little spooky) kid...
The Mysteries of Harris Burdick / Chris Van Allsburg

For the kid who loves animals more than people...
Guardians of Being / Eckhart Tolle

 

FOR YOUR FRIENDS

For the friend who's a (not so) secret badass...
Bad Girls Throughout History / Ann Shen

For the friend going through a really tough time...
Loving What Is / Byron Katie

For the always-judging-others friend...
Compassion / Dani DiPirro (me!)

For the friend sighing, "I should try meditating..."
You Can Master Meditation / David Fontana

For the friend who needs to dump him/her ASAP...
The No-Contact Rule / Natalie Lue

For the friend who cancels plans to read instead...
Quiet: The Power of Introverts / Susan Cain

For the friend struggling to get pregnant...
The Fairy Rebel / Lynn Reid Banks

For the friend who's scared of (but needs to) change...
Start Where You Are / Meera Lee Patel

For your super creative, artistic, cool friend...
In Progress / Jessica Hische

For the friend who constantly seeks external approval...
I Need Your Love: Is That True? / Byron Katie

For the friend who recently said goodbye to a pup...
Dog Heaven / Cynthia Rylant

For the buddy who's constantly worrying...
The Power of Now / Eckhart Tolle 

For the friend with a rocky mother/daughter relationship... 
Boundaries / Anne Katherine

For your sassy friend who needs a happiness boost...
How to Be Happy, Dammit! / Karen Salmansohn

For your whimsical friend who loves a bit of magic...
The Night Circus / Erin Morgenstern

For a friend who seems like she's really lost...
Wild / Cheryl Strayed

For the friend that still keeps a diary...
The Folded Clock / Heidi Julavits

For the pal that needs to figure out what she wants...
The Desire Map / Danielle LaPorte

For the guy who's always crying over his ex...
The Great Gatsby / F. Scott Fitzgerald

For your feminist friend who feels all the feels...
I Am an Emotional Creature / Eve Ensler

For your buddy who's always searching the next rush...
Hector and the Search for Happiness / François Lelord

 

FOR YOUR COLLEAGUES

For the creative-but-frazzled coworker...
Calm / Michael Acton Smith

For the coworker who needs to follow her passion...
The Crossroads of Should and Must / Elle Luna

For the too-creative-for-this place coworker...
Big Magic / Elizabeth Gilbert

For the coworker who's always super stressed...
Living in the Moment / Dani DiPirro (me!)

For the colleague always around adults...
The Little Prince / Antoine de Saint-ExupĂ©ry

For someone who needs a bit of motivation...
It's Not How Good You Are... / Paul Arden

For the coworker who's always complaining...
Gratitude / Dani DiPirro (me!)

For the a stylish guy/gal who loves soul-searching...
Style Statement / Danielle LaPorte

For the coworker getting his kids a puppy...
The Puppy Primer / Patricia B. McConnell

For the guy always yelling in his office...
Emotional Agility / Susan David, PhD

For that colleague always looking for gossip...
PostSecret / Frank Warren

For that guy always looking for a project...
The Happiness of Pursuit / Chris Guillebeau

For the colleague always finding the bad stuff...
You Can Be an Optimist / Lucy MacDonald

For the coworker who should run her own business...
#GirlBoss / Sophia Amoruso

For the HR guy who loves analyzing people... 
The Social Animal / David Brooks 

For your colleague who can't choose a lunch spot...
The Paradox of Choice / Barry Schwartz

For the boss who's perpetually stressed out...
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff at Work / Richard Carlson

For the trivia-loving data dude in IT...
The Visual Miscellaneum / David McCandless

For the admin who needs to pursue her dreams...
Now Is The Time To Do What You Love / Nancy Whitney-Reiter

 

Phew! That's quite a list, huh? I'd love to keep adding to it -- it is the Ultimate Book Gift Guide, after all -- so feel free to leave me a comment below or send me a message on social media about the books you'd include on this list. I'm always looking to add to that never-ending pile of to-read books! :)

If you liked the words above and would like a FREE PDF to download and print, click here or click the image below to download a PNG file, perfect for saving to Pinterest or keeping on your computer! :)

I-Believe-Books


Why You Need Lower Expectations

 

Expectation

 

Now that I've started making my own YouTube videos, I've been spending even more time than normal watching online videos, and last week I stumbled across Jenna Marbles' "Why Low Expectations Are Good." At first I thought it sounded a tad negative -- after all, shouldn't we set high expectations? But as I watched, I realized she made some pretty amazing and thought-provoking points about expectations.

"Having no or low expectations is one of the most powerful things you can do -- if you can use it to your advantage," Jenna says, and, as I watched the video and listened to her talk about goals, expectations, and relationships, I realized just how right she is. Having low expectations might sound like a bad thing, as if you're settling for less than you deserve or willing to put up with others' (or your own) bad behavior, but it's actually one of the very best ways to stay positively present. 

 

LOW EXPECTATIONS + WORK

In the video, Jenna says, "There's a difference between goals, standards, and expectations. You can set any amount of goals you want, as high as you want, and you can work hard to achieve those goals. Your expectation of that outcome of that work and whatever you're working towards needs to be low or none whatsoever. Working hard toward your goals while having no expectation of what the outcome of that might be allows you to live your life completely without fear of failure." 

When you set a goal or start a project, it's actually a good idea to have low expectations. This doesn't mean that you don't want it to work out or you won't work hard toward your goal. It simply means you won't be focusing excessively on the outcome. Not focusing so much on the future will give you the freedom to be completely in the present moment. When you're in the present, you're less fearful and you're willing to take the (calculated) risks that often lead to great success. 

"As long as you're working hard and applying yourself the best you can," Jenna says, "you have no control over what happens in the end. The only thing you have control over is what you have control over." When it comes to work, you have to just do the best you can and let go of what you think the outcome should be, and the only way you can do it that is by releasing all expectations. 

 

LOW EXPECTATIONS + RELATIONSHIPS

It might seem like low expectations are exactly what you don't want when it comes to relationships, but, as Jenna notes (and I've also personally found to be true and wrote about in this article), expectations often get in the way of our relationships. We should, of course, have standards. We should know what we'd like in a partner or friend, and we should never tolerate mistreatment or abuse. But standards -- the required levels of quality we want in our relationships -- are different from expectations -- the beliefs that something will (or should) happen in the future. 

Again, this goes back to staying present. When we don't focus on expectations, we are in the moment. We can focus on what's happening now and determine if our current relationship is what we want. On the flip side, if we're spending tons of time expecting things from others (or feeling let down when they don't meet our expectations), we're not living in the moment. We're focused on the future or the past, and that can really hold us back from enjoying, and mindfully interacting with, others.

This can be especially important when it comes to meeting new people. I really love Jenna's magpie analogy for new relationships:    

Meeting new people and starting new relationships is a lot like being a magpie, the bird that likes shiny things. You're flying around, looking for some shiny things. Ooh, shiny thing! So you go down there. Oh. It's a bottle cap. Okay, that's cool. I'm gonna just keep flying around, looking for shiny things. Oh! What did I find? Kim Kardashian's engagement ring. It's beautiful. It's a diamond. I really like it. Sometimes I find I find crap... but does that mean I can't find a diamond? No! I'm a magpie! I'm gonna look for more shiny things.

The people that you meet in your life are shiny things. Treat them all like shiny things. Then use your little bird claws and bird beak and bird brain to figure out if they're a diamond or a bottle cap. Then you can decide which ones you want to take into your nest.

You don't need to be disappointed by people if you have no expectations of them. When you meet someone, you don't even know them. They could be a bottle cap. They could be the foil that wrapped up a hotdog. Or, they could be a really cool diamond. You don't know until you use your little bird mouth and figure out what it is. 

Of course it's difficult not to have expectations of people when you first meet them. You've got a lifetime of experiences with other people tucked in your mind and, as humans, we try to figure people out quickly using whatever knowledge we have so we can assess whether they're friend or foe. But going into every new relationship you have with no expectations is one of the best ways to create new, positive relationships -- and to not be disappointed by the ones that don't work out. 

 

LOW EXPECTATIONS + BIG EVENTS

When when it comes to big events -- weddings, birthdays, holidays, etc. -- expectations often take the wheel and drive us directly to Disappointmentville. Have you ever reflected back on a special day (your birthday or a holiday, maybe) and felt let down when the day was over, even if it was a perfectly great day? There's a difference between feeling sad that the big day is over and feeling disappointed because, even if all went according to plan, it didn't quite live up to your expectations. 

Guess what? No day, no matter how wonderful, will ever live up to the picture-perfect moments in your mind. Reality is never as wonderful as imagination. (Yes, that sounds negative, but it's true!). When you experience disappointment after a perfect-on-paper day, those feelings are a side effect of expectations literally stealing your joy. 

When you go into something with super high expectations, it will never live up to what you imagined, no matter how great it is. That's why it's a great idea to take this advice from Jenna:

Every birthday that you have, assume that you're going to lay on your couch and watch Netflix. Everything that you do that's better than that is really exciting and great. And you're grateful and you're happy and everything's wonderful. 

If you want to have an amazing experience, set your expectation level to zero. That way, whatever happens will be absolutely amazing and wonderful. And anything that doesn't go perfectly according to plan will be no big deal because you had no expectation that it would go any other way than the way it's going. Low expectations = absolute acceptance = more opportunities for joy. 

 

LOW EXPECTATIONS + SELF LOVE

Having low expectations for yourself  is actually an important act of self-love. It opens you up to new experiences, new ways of thinking, and the opportunity to truly and honestly love who you are -- no matter what. Jenna explains the limits of expectations perfectly when she says,

When you have certain expectations for yourself, you limit your choices. And you limit what you can do in your life by what you've already set as what you want. People get stuck in their thinking and they refuse to see all of the options beside them because they're stuck in their expectations of their life. If I do X, I'll get Y, when, in reality, if you do X, you could get any other letter in the alphabet -- including X again!

Life is crazy. It's filled with ups and downs, and tons of surprises. When it comes to how you think about yourself and the expectations you have, you need to have high standards, aim for positive goals, but let the expectations go. Expectations are limitations. When you're open to being someone other than what you think you're supposed to be (either because you believe it or because someone else / society told you to believe it), your the possibilities for your life -- and who you are -- become endless. As Jenna says, "Be open and don't have this concrete path in your life because you'll miss all the opportunities to be a different, better you."

 

If you want to watch the full video, you'll find it below. Or you can click here to watch it on YouTube. 

 

 

 

 

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