positively present

guest post: resting in awareness

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As a reminder, I'm on a business trip (oh what fun!) until January 18th. In the meantime, I have some great guest posts to share with you... Today's guest post was written by Steven, creator of The Emotion Machine, a great and insightful site you should definitely check out if you haven't already. I've always been curious about how to relax more (relaxing is not my strong suit!) and this post is really great for learning more about how to relax and meditate. There's even mention of lucid dreaming, something I've found fascinating ever since I saw Vanilla Sky. Thank you, Steven, for writing this great post and for helping me work on relaxing! 

At this moment, take a few deep breaths. As you inhale, pay attention to the sensations in your nose, as the cool air fills, and then sits at the bottom of your lungs. Recognize the slight pause before the inhale becomes an exhale. Then, let the air slowly exit through your mouth, feeling the subtle pressures between your lips and noting how the air is a bit warmer then when it had first entered.

This is all that is needed for any meditative practice, but with consistency, this awareness can change your world. The breath shows itself to you. It makes you take a step back, center yourself, and relax those demanding tensions of our earthly existence. For these reasons the breath is a great object to rest your awareness, not just in times of meditation, but also times when we become upset, anxious, or frustrated.

Resting in your awareness is a skill. This means the more you practice the better you become. At first, you may only be able to cultivate a light sense of relaxation, but eventually you will find deeper and deeper realms, including states of pure tranquility and bliss. It is important not to confuse thoughts of relaxation with the relaxation itself. You can make progress by imaging yourself resting in the sun at the beach, or being a light feather as it is swept away by a summer’s breeze, but it is the feelings present inside your body that require your utmost concentration; and this always begins with the movements of the breath.

Focus on the sensations of resting, this keeps the mind bright and awake as the body falls into a state of deep relaxation or light sleep. Don’t be alarmed if you begin to fall into a deeper trance. With practice, you can learn to transcend these states of relaxation and experience wake-initiated lucid dreams (WILD). But the key element here is to focus on the sensations of relaxation. Just how good can your body feel?

Remain still and restful. Keep the breath as your object of meditation. This is the center of your awareness, the locus of control whenever you are cultivating states of rest and relaxation. Practice meditating on the breath and see just how tranquil you can become, if you let yourself. Practice daily and you will get better and better. Always remember, relaxation is a process of letting go, and not something that can be built upon by force or resistance.

Steven is a recent graduate with a degree in Psychology. He is well-versed in the practices of self-hypnosis and mindfulness meditation and he has recently begun a life coaching service that focus on stress-reduction, motivation skills, building creativity, and habit changing. Check out his blog over at TheEmotionMachine.com. 

we are snowflakes: how to celebrate uniqueness in others

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"And here comes the snow... A language in which no word is ever repeated."

William Matthews

Over the weekend, the sky was filled with falling snow. It was the most snow I'd seen in a long, long time and the area where I live declared it a blizzard. Where I'm from, we get snow, but blizzards are rare. Watching all of those snowflakes fall down, I was reminded of a book called Snowflakes that I once picked up in the bookstore. I recall picking up the book and flipping through it, utterly fascinated by the images of snowflakes, each unique and each so magically beautiful. (Today, after going to Amazon to grab the link to this book and checking out once again, I decided to order it. I rarely buy things for myself this close to the holiday, but I couldn't resist its beautiful images...) I can remember standing in the aisle, holding that book, and thinking, "Wow. This really is amazing." We're all pretty familiar with the idea that all snowflakes are unique, but seeing them in all of their unique glory really hit home for me. (If you haven't already clicked on the link, check out Snowflakes on Amazon and "Click to Look Inside" to see some of the images from the book.) I've always known snowflakes were unique, but seeing them really makes it more real. 

And, of course, it brings me back to that analogy between snowflakes and people that implies that we, like those little flakes of snow, are all unique. While there are so many similarities between us as people (which can be a great thing!), we really are all so unique and, when you think about it, that's pretty amazing. There are so many people -- just like there were so many snowflakes in the blizzard I saw this weekend! -- yet we're all uniquely who we are. It's so cool to think about it that way, but sometimes it can be overwhelming. How can we be unique and still keep our connection to others? How can we, like snowflakes, come together to make the world more beautiful? When you think about how rarely we really see an individual snowflake, how we see them falling from the sky in clumps, clinging to each other, we really can see how much we are like them. We are unique, but we want to be together. We need to be together. 

This is a concept I've often struggled with. For the most part, I've had the desire to be different. I've always wanted to be unlike anyone else (though, in high school, I'll admit that I bought in quite heavily to that whole conforming thing). To be compared to someone else has always been irritating to me. Even when it's been complimentary, I always think to myself, "I'm nothing like that person. I'm me." Perhaps that's one reason I clung so much to that Snowflake book. I wanted to be a snowflake. I wanted to be so unlike anyone else. Just like a snowflake, I wanted to be something that could be examined very closely without it being at all difficult to tell how I was different from all of the others. 

It's so easy to place ourselves and others in boxes. It's so easy to define each other by appearances or skills or qualities. We want that, I think, because it makes us feel like we've got people figured out. It's always so much easier when we can describe someone simply. Think about how much easier it is when you can say to someone, "Oh, she's really nice. You're going to like her," rather than those times you have to say, "Well, she's nice, but... She can have a bad attitude sometimes. But usually she's nice. Most of the time. Don't worry, you'll like her." When people are easy to figure out -- when we can put them neatly into a category like "nice," we like that. We want to be able to simplify things, and I get that. It makes things a lot easier, and who doesn't love easy? 

Unfortunately for us, when we get down to the heart of it, we can't really put people as neatly into boxes as we'd like to. People are more complex than that. People are more unique than that. Even the nicest person in the world can be mean. Even the most horrible person can be sweet. (For more examples, think back to 1998 and check out Everlast's "What It's Like," with lyrics that go something like, "I've seen a rich man beg/ I've seen a good man sin/ I've seen a tough man cry/ I've seen a loser win/ And a sad man grin/ I heard an honest man lie") As you can see from these lyrics (and thinking about examples you've probably seen in your own life), you know it's not always that easy to compartmentalize people. Every person, every situation, is unique -- and instead of trying put people into categories, we should embrace them for who they are. 

Just like when I was flipping through the book filled with page after page of unique snowflake images, it can be overwhelming to see everything as separate and independent and so, so different. We want things to be in categories so we can understand them. We like to be able understand things and sometimes we come across things or people that just don't fit into categories. When this happens, we can feel overwhelmed. But what if we stopped having categories? What if we realized that we could all be uniquely who we are all the time and that we didn't have to fit into anyone's categories (even our own)? What would that be like? Scary, yes. Overwhelming, yes. But also liberating. 

What would it be like if we came across people the way we might an exotic animal? What if we assumed nothing and waited to learn about them, waited to hear what they had to say about the world instead of making assumptions based on their appearance or our preconceived notions of what a human of their age/type/race/gender/ethnicity/religion/etc. should be like? What if we started out with every new person we met as a completely clean slate? What if we truly saw everyone for the unique person that he or she is? If we stopped comparing and contrasting and realized that, no matter how hard we tried to categorize someone, he or she would only fully fit into one box -- his or her own -- the world would be a lot better. We wouldn't be assuming people should act or be a certain way. We wouldn't be judging others with the harshness that can sometimes jump so readily ahead of even our most kind thoughts. 

7 Ways To Celebrate Uniqueness In Others

1. Have an open mind. It's easy to focus on what's familiar to you and to look for things that you have in common with someone else, but, when you open your mind up a little bit you might find that someone's differences are much more apparent and those differences can be pretty great. Embrace the ways your mind can help you see someone in a new light. 
2. Think independently. Of course it's easy to go with the flow and go along with what other people are doing. If you hear from someone else that a person is negative, for example, it's easy to start thinking of that person that way. But stop for a minute and think about how unique people are, you'll probably realize that it's best to assess others for yourself and find out what's really going on with them. 
3. Avoid harsh judgments. Sometimes I find it so tempting to label someone very quickly after only one or two interactions, but it's never a good idea to jump quickly to assumptions. Additionally, it's never a good idea to judge others harshly. Most situations and people are not as simple as we'd like to think they are, which is always something you should keep in mind.
4. Stop stereotyping. Stereotypes make it so easy for us to put people in boxes. They make it easy for our minds to think they understand someone, but, while we can't deny that there must be some reason for stereotypes, it's pretty safe to say that using them is a bad idea if you're trying to celebrate someone's uniqueness. 
5. Look below the surface. When you meet someone for the first time, it can be so easy to make quick judgments based on appearance alone, but think about how that would make you feel. Would you like to be judged based only on your appearance? Aren't you more complex than that? I'm sure you are and so are others. Look below the surface to find their unique traits. 
6. Don't fear the unknown. We are often quick to put others into categories because we are scared of not knowing what they are. We want to be able to understand them, but, really, if we just put them in a box, we're not truly understanding. To celebrate the true unique nature of someone else, you have to get over the idea that the unknown (or unlabeled) is bad. 
7. Seek the positives. Just because something is different or unexplainable to you doesn't mean it's negative. When you're looking at others and trying to celebrate the ways we are all unique, think about the good things. Think about all of the ways it benefits us as people for us all to be unique. All of our differences are awesome and it's so important to see the positive in them. 

We are all snowflakes. We are all independent of one another and, though we are drawn to one another, and may even have similar designs, we deserve to be seen as independent, distinct creations that cannot ever be 100% defined. Like snowflakes, we are changing. We are snow and ice and water. We are like each other in many ways, but we are never the same. I cannot stress enough how important it is to remember this, to know that, though it may seem like you've seen a "type" of person before, you should never assume that you know everything about him or her. He or she, just like you, is unique and it is this uniqueness that makes us all so amazingly awesome. Don't forget about the uniqueness in others and, just as importantly, don't forget about the uniqueness in yourself. Cliche as it might seem, you really are unique. There is no one -- and never, ever will be anyone -- just like you. I don't know about you, but I think that's pretty cool. Embrace your uniqueness and celebrate it every day and in every way you can. 

How do you celebrate the absolute awesomeness of being uniquely you? 
What tactics do you use to remind yourself that others are unique? 


   

looking for beauty in all the right places

 
  
"Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it." 

Confucius 

Today I am celebrating the 2nd month of Random Acts of Kick Arse (RAOKA), a group I'm very fortunate to be a part of. Every month, this group -- which includes Life, Laughs, and Lemmings, The Jungle of Life, Jane Be Nimble, Joy Rebel, and Operation NICE -- joins together to take part in committing random acts over the course of one month. Each month we have a different theme and, for the month of November, the theme was BEAUTY. When the theme was announced, it didn't take me long to figure out what I wanted to do as my random act. I wanted to tell people they were beautiful. Of course, this was a little bit easier said than done when it came to turning this into a random act. While I'm probably confident enough to go around telling random people they are beautiful, I wasn't quite sure how well that would be received. Sure, it works for a friend or family member, but it's not exactly the most natural thing to walk up to a complete stranger and say, "You are beautiful!" (Though, now that I think about it, I would love if someone did that to me...)

So, after giving it some thought, I decided to put my random act into words. Being the writer that I am, putting things into a written form is usually my best bet so it seemed fitting that I should use this tactic for this month's RAOKA theme. I decided to create little sticky notes (see the pictures in this post) with positive, beauty-focused sayings on them. I created a bunch at one time and carried them around with me everywhere, posting them in random places like bathroom mirrors or checkout counters or even on cars. I'll admit I often felt a bit guilty about it (was I littering? did people even want to read these little signs of mine?), but overall it felt great. I would imagine the next person to come by and see the sticky note smiling at it. It made me feel great to know that maybe someone was seeing it and it was making his or her day better.

Of course, posting these around town gave me some time to think about beauty and what it really means. It's interesting when you look at beauty all over the world and see how different cultures think about beauty. Different cultures have different standards of beauty, which makes it a very tricky thing to define. More important than defining, however, is realizing that we all possess it. We are all beautiful. I know, I know, that sounds incredibly hard to believe. Most of us have been taught that some things are beautiful and some things are not, but that's not true at all. What's true is that everything -- everything! -- has beauty in it. It's just a matter of looking for it...

Looking for beauty in everything isn't always easy. We've been taught to believe that certain things are   beautiful, which makes it difficult to find everything beautiful. But I really do believe that beauty is everywhere, in everything, and it's up to us to open our eyes and look around to see it. Like most things worth doing, looking for beauty in everything can be difficult at times. We don't always know how to see it. We don't always want to see it. But it's there. It's always there. And I'm going to share with you my ideas on how to find it.

How To Find Beauty Everywhere

• Be present. If you pay attention, you're likely to realize that there really is beauty all around you. Yes, sometimes it's harder to see, but it's there and you're never going to be able to see it if you don't look around. So put that Crackberry down and look around. See the beauty!
  

• Be open-minded. When you're looking around for all of that beauty, remember to keep an open mind. It's pretty hard to see true beauty if you're focused on the ideal standards that you've been inundated with your whole life. Trying looking at things from a fresh point of view and you'll see beauty everywhere!

• Be positive. Of course, if you're looking for things not to be beautiful, you'll certainly see the ugly in them. So be positive! Focus on the good, even if it's a tiny little bit of good, and you'll start seeing more and more beauty in everything. Look for beauty and you will find it.

• Be hopeful. Sometimes all you need is a little bit of hope to realize that there really is beauty in everything. Just like when you look for good, you find good, when you have hope that you'll see beauty in someone or something, you will. It's all about believing that there really is beauty all around us.

• Be generous. It's easier to hold back sometimes, to want to refrain from labeling something or someone as beautiful. We tend to think of beauty as something that's rare and that "beautiful" is a word that should be doled out sparingly. But that's just silly! There's no limit to how much beauty there can be in the world.

• Be creative. Yes, sometimes it takes a little bit of creativity to see the beauty in something, but I know you have the power to be imaginative and inventive and to realize that beauty doesn't have to come in a traditional package. Being creative will help you to recognize beauty you might not normally see.

As you can see, searching for beauty in everything can require a lot of work. However, in my opinion, it's an important activity because seeing beauty in everything makes life better. Just think about how you feel when you see something really beautiful. You are in awe. You are moved. You are excited by the possibilities of beautiful things in your life. Now just think about what it would be like to feel that way all the time (or, at least, most of the time). What if you could see the beauty in everything? What if you could be excited by the gorgeousness in every person, place, and thing you came across?

I doubt I'll ever be the type to see beauty in everything, but I'm certainly more aware of it now that I've thought about it and written this post. Just right now I'm staring out my winter at the bare branches of a tree and normally I would think it was boring, bland, a depressing sign that winter is right around the corner. But not today! Today I'm looking at it and I'm amazed by it's beauty, by it's ability to be so stark and tall against the blue background of the sky. I'm impressed by how stoic it looks, how proud it seems, and how, in just a few short months it will begin producing those tiny green buds to tell me that spring is on the way.

So, as you can see, it really is possible to see beauty even when you don't think you'll be able to. It's not easy -- but what good thing usually is? -- but it's so worth it when you realize that you can look around you and see beauty everywhere. With that attitude, you can go through life seeing the good, seeing the beautiful, in everything. You can then share those thoughts and feelings with others, causing a ripple effect in which more and more people are seeing the beauty around them. Take the time to look at things around you today and see if you can see the beauty that surrounds each and every one of us.

How do you find beauty in your own life?
What are some of the most beautiful things you've seen lately?

 

Reader's Note: Tomorrow I'm off to celebrate the beauty that is New York City. Since I'll be hitting the Big Apple hard over the next few days, I won't be responding to comments on Thursday, but I WILL be reading them so feel free to share your thoughts on beauty in the comments section. And if you're looking for more to read today, check out my guest post on Urban Monk, "Finding Peace in Happiness."
 

 

the benefits of having a grateful day

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The other day I was at the grocery store and, as I was checking out and leaving, the woman behind the counter handed me my change and said, "Have a grateful day!" My mind did a double take after hearing this. I'm so used to hearing "Have a great day" that I was surprised by her words. I turned to her and smiled and said, "Thank you! You too!" Of course she had no idea that at that very moment she was inspiring me to write a post about gratitude. Because I think about living in the moment so frequently, I also spend a lot of time thinking about gratitude. Why? Because being grateful helps me stay in the moment. Sometimes I really struggle with being present, even though it's such an important part of my life these days, so when I'm feeling like I just can't handle whatever moment I'm in, I start thinking about all of the things I'm grateful for.

For example, let's say I'm standing in line somewhere and I'm in a hurry and I don't feel well and I have a million things piling up on my desk. Let's say I haven't slept well so I'm extra cranky and it's just before lunchtime so I'm super hungry too. This is one of those moments where I'm not at all feeling like living in the moment. In fact, I'm pretty sure I want to be anywhere other than that moment. So what do I do? I take a deep breath, look around me, and start to focus my mind on gratitude. I ask myself, "What is good about this situation? What is good about my life right now?" When I do this, I instantly find myself centered, in the moment, and actually happy for the moment. I begin to realize that, even though I'm tired and hungry and don't feel so good, all of those things will pass and later that day I'll be in bed, with a full belly, resting and recovering. I realize that even though I'm waiting in a god-awful line in a crowded store that I'm lucky to be standing there, to be alive, and to have a capable mind and body. Believe me, I know how cliche and cheesy and sugary-sweet that sounds (I think the old me would have literally thrown up reading that paragraph), but it really does work. It really does!

When I first began thinking about gratitude, I thought it was all a little ridiculous the way some people went around being grateful for everything. Back when I was much more naive, it seemed to me that so many things were a given and that we didn't really have to think too much about being thankful. In the past, I was happy to write a thank you note or to offer words of gratitude to someone who had helped me out, but the most I ever really thought about being thankful was when the Thanksgiving holiday was approaching and the whole concept of being grateful was forced upon you. I used to not really get the point of being thankful. Always looking for the purpose behind something, I never could quite figure out what I could get out of feeling grateful. I understood what I got out of telling others I was thankful, but I didn't really see the point of spending a lot of time being thankful internally. Until now. Now I realize just how important gratitude is. It actually serves a real, true purpose in my life. I use it to do so many things and you can too! Check out the many uses of gratitude...

The Uses of Gratitude

• Use gratitude to center yourself. This is probably the greatest use I've found for gratitude. Whenever I'm feeling upset or angry or frustrated or down, I think about the things I am grateful for and I feel much, much better. It really is a great tool to use to tackle some of the hardest emotions and I find that it almost always snaps me out of whatever funk I've found myself in.
  
  
• Use gratitude to live in the moment. When I'm struggling to live in the moment (as I often am!), I find that being grateful really helps to bring me into the present. It's easy to get caught up thinking about the past or worrying about the future, but when I look around and start thinking of all the things I have to be grateful for, I find that I'm really, truly living in the moment.
  
  
• Use gratitude to enhance relationships. Nothing makes a relationship better than when you are truly grateful for the other person. Sure, all relationships have ups and downs, but if you keep gratitude in mind no matter what you're going through, you're more likely to have a much better relationship. Be grateful for the people in your life and you'll find that your appreciate comes through in your words and actions.
  
  
• Use gratitude to motivate yourself. Sometimes I find that it's hard to get motivated and I wonder what I can really contribute to the world. That's when I start using gratitude again. Once I start thinking about all of the things I'm thankful for -- including my own abilities -- I feel a lot more inspired. Being grateful can motivate you to believe in yourself and it can also inspire you to look around you and see all that you have to offer the world.
  
  
• Use gratitude to overcome hurdles. Life is pretty hard sometimes, but when you find yourself focusing on what you're grateful for, all of the trials you have to face become more manageable. I can't say that gratitude is a cure all for every problem, but it really does help to put things in perspective when you're going through a tough time. Next time you're feeling down, think of all the things you're grateful for. I guarantee you'll feel inspired!
  
  
• Use gratitude to improve your health. I'm not a doctor or a scientist, but I've read on more than one occasion that being grateful can actually improve your physical health. I don't have any statistics to back up this claim, but I can say that gratitude greatly reduces my stress level, which ultimately makes me a much healthier person. One thing I know for sure: gratitude certainly can't hurt your health, so it's worth a try to start thinking grateful thoughts.
  

Clearly, being grateful has some pretty sweet benefits. I used to think all of this was a bit of nonsense and that people used gratitude as a distraction so they didn't think about all of the miserable parts of their lives, but now I know that I really does have amazing benefits. There are so many things we should all be grateful for and even though it can be really, really hard at times to think about being thankful, it really does make even the worst situations more bearable. I really believe that having a grateful attitude gives us the power to turn any day -- even a really bad one! -- into a day worth celebrating.

When the woman at the grocery store told me to have a grateful day, I was certainly surprised, but then it all began to make sense. Of course I should have a grateful day because if I have a grateful day I'm going to have a day that's pretty close to awesome. Perhaps I am just extremely lucky, but I have so, so many things to be grateful for and once I start thinking about them all I find that I am happier, uplifted, and recognizing just how great my life is. An attitude of gratitude might not be able to transform a terrible day into a perfect one, but it can come pretty darn close.

We might not have the power to control everything in our lives, but we do have the power to take our thoughts and focus them on the positive things. Thinking about all of the things you are grateful for is one of the best ways to do this and I've found that the right attitude can absolutely transform my day. When I am grateful, I am living in the moment, I am happy for the moment. I can honestly say that when I start thinking about all of the things I'm grateful for, even a bad day can start to seem pretty good...

Because of the upcoming holiday -- Thanksgiving! Yay! -- I'll be focusing a lot on gratitude this week on Positively Present. While you're waiting for the next post about gratitude, check out these awesome gratitude resources:

I Am Thankful
5 Benefits of Gratitude
Cultivating Gratitude
Giving Thanks for 21 Blessings in Disguise
The Benefits of Gratitude
Gratefulness.org
Gratitude: A Positive Psychology Perspective

living life with purpose

 

 

"I think the purpose of life is to be useful,
to be responsible, to be honorable, to be compassionate. 
It is, after all, to matter: to count, to stand for something,
to have made some difference that you lived at all."

Leo Rosten

For most people interested in personal development, the question of life's purpose is often on their minds. There are so many answers, but that one question always remains. When I opened my email this morning and read this quote, I found that I could really relate to Rosten's words. He's really on to something with this statement. Though I think we all have different purposes for our lives, I do think that Rosten addresses some of the basic elements of life's purpose that connect us all. While I cannot speak for everyone, I do know that many people would agree with Rosten's statement and believe that they are living for all of these reasons (and more!). After reading Rosten's quote for the third or fourth time, I began to break it down in my mind, to see all of the various parts he'd put together to make his statement whole. When I took a step back from the quote and looked at divided, I realized that Rosten really did bring some important things to light in terms of what most of us want from life. Here, let's take a look...

We want to be useful. Maybe not everyone feels this way, but I know a lot of people want to be useful. When thinking about life's purpose, they want their lives to be something that will have a good effect on the rest of the world -- or at least on those living in their little corner of the world. Some people seem more into this idea in relation to life's purpose than others (such as those who dedicate their lives to teaching or caring for others), but I think, deep down, we all want to know that our lives have a practical usefulness to them. It's hard to say what usefulness is because it is such a broad term, but I think that we're all useful. We're useful in our jobs, in our actions, in our relationships. We all serve different purposes, but all of them are of use and that's what makes them so important to consider when thinking about the purpose of life.

We want to be responsible. This is a very interesting one for me because for so long I felt like I didn't want to be responsible for my life. I wanted people to do things for me; I wanted things to happen to me. The older I get and the more I know, the more I want to take control of my life and be responsible for it. Not only do I want to be accountable for my actions, but I also want to be accountable for the repercussions of my actions. I want to know that what I'm doing is the right thing, that I'm not acting out of selfishness or haste. When I think about how much responsibility we all have (whether we want to admit it or not!), I realize that this is really one of the purposes of life. I am -- we all are -- meant to be responsible for our lives and even though it's hard for some to get to a place of responsibility, I do think that autonomy and accountability is something we all inevitably seek.

We want to be honorable. When I read this one, I wasn't sure how I felt. Do people really want to be honorable? Of course, it's clear that some do, but there are so many people that act in dishonorable ways that it was hard for me to believe that a purpose of life was to be honorable. But then I thought about it this way... We all really do want be respected and given credit for the things we do. For everyone, these things may be different. Honor might come in the form of negative things for some people and positive things for others, but I think that desire to be honored (even on a small level) is something most people crave. We want to be thought of as worthy of respect (and, in some cases, this can be a negative kind of respect) and we want to know that what we are doing has worth.

We want to be compassionate. This one also struck me as interesting. Do we want to be compassionate or do we want to have compassion in our lives? I, for one, know that I definitely want compassion in my life. I want people to care about me and to feel things for me when I am feeling, but to say that my own purpose in life is to be compassionate seemed off at first. And then I realized that, in fact, I really do want to live a life of compassion because it is one of the best ways to connect with others. At a very basic level, humans want to connect with each other (even when we don't think we do!), and being compassionate is one of the best ways to do this. I don't know about you, but when I am able to connect with someone else in a compassionate way, it feels great. It makes sense, since the need to understand one another is so basic, that it would be part of the purpose of life.

We want to matter. To me, this is one of the most important of all the things Rosten brought up. While I can't speak for everyone, I'm pretty sure most people want to matter. Some people want to matter in a big, grand way. Some people want to matter only in the lives of those who are closest to them. But either way most of us really seem to want that -- to know that our lives count, that we're here for a reason, that we have purpose. And we don't want to matter just to ourselves. We want to matter to others (again, back to the theme of connecting with other people) and some of us want to matter to the world. No matter what (or who) we want to matter to, most of us really do want that recognition, or at least the knowledge, that our lives count in a way that is meaningful.

We want to stand for something. When I was in college, some of the guys I used to hang out with would call me "Beliefs" because I was always going off about some topic I felt passionate about (feminism, animal rights, etc...). They would get a kick out of me sharing my beliefs all the time, and I got a kick out of them calling me "Beliefs." Why? Because this confirmed for me that I stood for something, that I cared about things enough to bring them up and share my thoughts on them. (It also helped to confirm that I had something substantive to offer other than appearance, which I really loved...) I loved (still do!) love believing in things, standing for things, and for that reason I believe that this is something that really does add to my purpose in life.

We want to make a difference. Another tricky one... Does everyone want to make a difference? I know I do. In fact, I probably want that more than anything. When I get emails from people telling me that I've made a difference in their lives, I feel happier than I could even imagine. It's the best feeling. But that's just me. I don't know if everyone wants to make a difference in the world. I know that most of the people I surround myself with make a difference in the world without even knowing it because they make my world a better place. Even people I hardly know make a difference when they leave a comment on my blog or send me an email. Whether or not we want to make a difference, I think our mere presences here impact the world and, like it or not, create the foundation for life's purpose.

I must admit that sometimes I don't like to think about the purpose of life. Sometimes that phrase is just too overwhelming. It puts the pressure on, making me wonder, "What am I doing? Am I really living the life I'm supposed to be living??" Reading Rosten's quote sort of forced me to think about it and I'm glad it did. The purpose of life is a very unique thing. I believe everyone has a different purpose, some of which overlap and some of which don't. Sometimes it's hard to understand the purpose of others, but there is a purpose for everyone and everything. Writing this post has really made me think about what I consider my personal purpose to be. The purpose of one's life is likely to change. If someone had asked me what the purpose of my life was ten years ago, my answer would be quite different I'm sure. Today I'm going to write down the things I want to be, the things that add up to my life's purpose. Someday I will come back to this post and look at these things and I will see how well I've done with them or maybe realize how much they have changed. Here are some of the things I think I'm here for...

To write words that make others think and feel.

To create things that challenge me and/or make me smile.

To accept people and situations for what they are.

To experience life and share my thoughts with others.

To love people and animals with my whole heart.

To be at peace with myself and those around me.

To make others happy through my own quest for joy.

To smile and laugh as often as I possibly can.

To work hard at what I love to do to reach my goals.

To cultivate and sustain meaningful relationships.

To push myself out of my (many!) comfort zones.

To challenge myself and others to embrace positivity.

To live in the moment (even when it's a tough one).

To look for and celebrate the good things in life.

I'm sure if I sat here all day, I could have a list a mile long. Now that I've started thinking about what my purpose is in life, it's actually quite fascinating to me (and a lot less overwhelming!). Putting it in writing makes me realize that life's purpose can be a tangible thing. It doesn't have to be some abstract concept that you can't quite put your finger on it. It can be a list. It can be a whole long string of words with all of the things you want in your life filling in the blanks. It can be anything you want it to be. I know it seems like a  grand task -- writing down the purpose of your life -- but as someone who was overwhelmed to even think about it and who went on to create this extended (albeit not comprehensive) list, I'd strongly recommend you give it a go. And, if you're feeling extra brave, feel free to post your list in the comments section! I know, I know -- it seems daunting to think about your life's purpose on a random Tuesday, but when I started writing this post I had no idea it was going to lead to me thinking about my own purpose and I'm so glad it did. Give it some thought... You might be surprised by what you'll find...

What did you think of Rosten's ideas of what life's purpose is?
Have you given some thought now to your own purpose? What IS your purpose?

 

are the people in your life positive?

The other day I came across the image above and that quote really struck me. Of course I don't want to be sad. I'd rather be happy with everyone, but, as we all know, that's not always the way the world works. When I read this quote, I really got it. I really felt it -- that realization that it's so important to surround ourselves with the right people. Sometimes the wrong people make us happy -- or, at least, we think they do -- but that doesn't mean they are right for us. It's probably pretty likely that if we're going to have someone in our lives in a significant way, we're going to experience happy times and sad times with that person so wouldn't we rather experience those things with the right people? 

The people we surround ourselves with are so very important. Sometimes we become so used to and comfortable with the people in our lives that we don't stop to think about whether or not they are really positive influences. Over the past year or so, I've really been looking around me and trying to understand why some people are in my life and others are not. I've given a lot of thought to who I surround myself with because I really do believe that others affect us in ways we cannot necessarily recognize. Sometimes we are so close to others that we don't necessarily see them for what they are. Like being up close to a painting -- you might be able to see all of the colors, but you're not necessarily getting the big picture. 

And the big picture is pretty important when it comes to those who are close to you. You need to be able to see them for what they are because, whether you want to admit it or not, they're influencing you. For that reason, you have to pay attention. You have to really take a conscious step back and assess them. This can be a lot harder than it sounds sometimes, especially when it comes to people that you feel very certain about. However, just because you are examining your relationships with others doesn't mean that those people are going to prove themselves to be bad for you. There's nothing wrong with taking a look around and assessing what type of impact others are having on you. In fact, it's pretty imperative if you're striving to have a positive life. 

If you want to have a positive life, you have to have positive people in your life. So ask yourself this right now: Do I have positive or negative people in my life? Most of us, if we're being completely honest with ourselves, will find that we have a mix of both. It's pretty hard to have every single person in your life be a positive influence on you, especially when, in many cases (like work and family) we don't always get to choose every person we interact with. Yes, there are some situations where you will be required to spend time with someone who is more negative than positive, but, for the most part, we have a choice. Just as we can choose happiness, we can also choose to surround ourselves with those that make us happy. 

I bet you're wondering how you know if you're surrounding yourself with positive people. Trust me, I know this this hard to figure out sometimes. It's so easy to just assume people are positive influences because, after all, you're spending them with them so you figure that you've made that decision for a good reason. Of course, we're not always as logical as we'd like to be. Sometimes our emotions (and imaginations!) get carried away and we are certain that people are good for us when they are not. Here are some steps you can take to evaluate the people in your life. (Yes, this might feel like you're judging, but don't you have a right to judge those you keep closest to you?)

Is That Person Good for You? 


Step 1: Take a good look around you. So often we get caught up in life in a way that makes it difficult to really see what's going on around us. We begin to take the people in our lives for granted (in both good and bad ways) and we stop really seeing what's happening. Just think about how, if you drive to work every day, you take for granted the route you're on. If you do it every single day, you could probably do it without even looking. People are like this too. If you don't look around and really pay attention, you might miss what's really going on. So open your eyes and look at what's going on around you. And I mean really look at it. Don't just look at what you think is happening. Look at what is happening.


Step 2: Ask yourself (and others) questions. Having done a lot of work trying to change my life over the past year or so, I've come to realize that I really need to pay attention to who I surround myself with. For this reason, I've spent a lot of time asking myself questions about the people in my life. I want to know that they are positive influences on me. Now, I know there is both good and bad in every person so it's not always so easy to say, "Oh, this person is perfectly positive for me!" but there are certain questions I like to ask myself that really help me to get to the heart of whether or not a person is good or bad for me. I like to look at the people in my life and ask myself the following questions:

• Do I like who I am when I am around this person?
• Does this person make me happier or unhappier?
• What kinds of feelings does this person evoke?
• How would I describe this person in 5 words?
• How do your friends/family describe this person?

Step 3: Take a good look at yourself. While it might not seem like the most obvious thing to do, when you’re trying to uncover who is good for you and who is not, it’s important to look at yourself. Look at the person you are when you’re with that other person. Pay special attention to your mind and how you think and feel when that other person is around –- or even when you think about that other person. You can start right now! Think about someone very important to you and listen to how your mind reacts. Are you thinking positive thoughts? Are you angry or sad when you think of this person? Paying attention to how you feel and taking a look at the person you are when you are around or thinking about someone else is critical. You cannot truly understand another’s impact on you if you aren’t paying attention to the way that person makes you feel. Once you start looking at yourself and listening to your thoughts when this person is around you, you will most likely be able to tell whether or not this person brings out the best in you. If you still can’t tell… move on to Step 4!


Step 4: Keep paying attention. One of the most important things you can do when attempting to make sure that the people you have in your life are good for you is to keep paying attention. Sure, you might have done Steps 1-3 and feel pretty good about the person now, but people change and you change so it’s important to keep paying attention. Of course this doesn’t mean you need to be monitoring the person 24/7 or taking notes every time you are around him or her. This means that you need to pay attention to how you feel and have a general sense of whether the person makes you feel better about yourself. Positive people in your life should bring you up and make you feel happy. This doesn’t mean you won’t have conflicts with these people, but you should generally feel as if the people you surround yourself with are looking out for your best interest. Still not sure if you’re dealing with someone who is good for you? Check out Step 5…


Step 5: Get a second (and third!) opinion. While your opinion of the people in your life is very valuable, it’s important to ask around to see what others think. Sometimes we become blinded by various things (comfort, love, etc.) and cannot see people or situations for what they really are. For this reason, it’s important to get an outsider’s opinion (preferably someone who you’ve confirmed is looking out for your best interests). For example, if you find that all of your friends think your boy/girlfriend is bad for you, you’re probably not seeing the situation for what it is and you need to be aware of this. Getting input from someone who is removed from the situation will provide you will a fresh perspective and will allow you to figure out if you’re assessing the person (and the relationship with that person) properly. 
 


After you've gone through these five steps, it should be pretty obvious whether or not a person is a positive influence in your life. If you have any doubts, I'm going to be bold and say that the person probably isn't good for you. As I’ve been looking around my own life recently, really try to find (and keep!) the positive people in my life, I’ve found that it’s really important to pay attention to who you surround yourself with because it can make a HUGE difference on how you live your life and how you feel about the life you’re living. Remember, no matter what, you have the power to keep or remove people from your life and you can really change your world if you rid your life of all of the negative people in it. 

How do you determine if someone is a positive force in your life?
How do you handle a situation when you know someone is more negative than positive?

Looking for more to read? Check out my guest post on The Journal of Cultural Conversation called "A Book of Possibilities" and learn how you can make the most of your possibilities... 

the power of acceptance: a path to an open heart

This is a guest post by Gilbert Ross, author of the blog Soul Hiker. On his site, Gilbert writes about personal development, the path to inner change, mindfulness, and consciousness. Whenever I visit his site and read his post, I leave feeling inspired. If you haven't had a chance to visit Soul Hiker yet, I'd suggest you check it out right after reading this post! You can also follow Gilbert on Twitter @soulhiker.

You have the freedom to make so many choices in your life – good or bad, wise or foolish. You can choose between alternative paths that affect your whole life and those of others. Hence with freedom comes big responsibility. Free will means having the power to make conscious choices. It means being awake at the wheel while you drive through your life. How much of your choices do you think are a product of free will? What percentage of your actions is born out of self-determined resolutions? Are you free to do what your heart tells you? Are you living your true purpose in life with joy and enthusiasm? 

More often than not, people are not free or at least not completely so. Some are locked up in their past while some others are tied to an emotional baggage that weighs them down. Others are imprisoned in repetitive cycles of behavior where the same old events in life habitually give rise to the same old reactions. 

One big barrier to personal and emotional freedom is the lack of accepting situations we come across in life. By not accepting things we become immobilized – we are unable to get past our negative emotions and move forward in life. We become incapable of facing reality without the veils and illusions of the self-centered ego and this causes so much suffering and stress. The first step is to learn to accept things with an open heart. Acceptance does not mean giving up or surrendering to life so as to be dragged around or trampled over. 

What Acceptance Means

• Regaining focus and perspective of your true purpose in life. We often don’t accept things because our mission in life is not clear and so we mistake simple shortcomings for true loss. We confuse the authentic value of things for inauthentic ones. 
  
  
• Synchronizing your heart and mind. Emotional turbulence arises when your beliefs and thoughts are not aligned to your heart’s desires. Little mishaps upsets you more than they should. 
  
  
• Trusting yourself and your relation with the divine. To accept things means that you openly trust the divinity that works through you to bring forth more life. 
  
  
• Experiencing life without unnecessary criticism and judgment. With accepting comes the joy to embrace life without trying to classify the event or criticize it. Just let it be. 
  
  
• Realizing that you can’t control everything in your life. Control brings pressure and stress. You have to understand that in as much as there are things you can consciously change, there are other which you cannot but can respond to in a balanced and healthy way. 
  
  
• Learning to fail. Getting in terms with the fact that people very often fail and this is only a natural cycle of life. Failure is good if you respond to it wisely. 
  
  
• Realizing that the world or the universe is not conspiring against you. This can make some people not accept a given situation. We sometimes say “why is this happening to me?”, “What did I do to deserve it?”, “Why am I stuck here?”
  
  
• Putting an end to victimization. In relation to the above, understanding that you are not a victim of your fate. You are still responsible for whatever happens to you by responding to it in the right way. 
  
  
• Learning that you are part of the bigger picture. We tend to see things from a self-centered point of view. We think that our problems are bigger, different and special than those of others. By accepting we see that we are in no privileged position and others have problems too which can be much bigger than ours. 
  
  
• Gaining emotional freedom that no other thing can match. Accepting means letting go of the emotional baggage and opening your heart to a richer and broader experience of life. An open heart can give you a full life that an open mind alone cannot. 
  
  
• Knowing yourself better. Accepting implies getting one step closer to your true self because acceptance makes you see the true nature of things including yourself. 
  
  
• Feeling a lightness of being that brings relieve, joy and happiness. Learning to accept things makes you understand that even though you are responsible for your actions you don’t need to bear the whole weight of consequences on your shoulder. Failure happens and some things are out of our control. 
  
  
• Working with life and not working against it. When we don’t accept things we create currents of negative energy and friction that attracts more negative energy towards us. Accepting makes us at peace with life and with ourselves.  You’ll see how things will work out better. 

I know it’s not always easy to accept whatever dire circumstances come your way. I also know that some things are harder to accept than others. I’ve been there many times. But once you let the power of acceptance to work in your life, you will unleash so many positive effects that it’s hard to let it go once it touches your heart.  

 

Gilbert Ross is the main author of the blog Soul Hiker. He writes about personal development, the path to inner change, mindfulness, and consciousness. His objectives are connecting with others to share insights and knowledge while promoting life changing skills such as meditation. Gilbert holds the view that we are at the brink of an unprecedented global shift in technology, culture, and spirituality. He strongly believes that our present time is an opportunity for big positive leaps both personally and collectively. Gilbert holds a Masters in Philosophy of Science, another subject he is passionate about. One of his main interests is studying the structure and evolution of knowledge at the individual, social, and cyber levels. 

take a vacation (or a staycation!) from your life

 (♥)

"A vacation is like love --
 anticipated with pleasure,
experienced with discomfort,
and remembered with nostalgia."

Unknown

 

Life can be pretty hectic, and it's so important to remind yourself to take a break from time to time. We often (or at least I often) get so caught up in, get so excited by, what I'm doing that I don't remember to take a break. For example, I often spend hours at my computer without getting up to stretch or give my eyes a rest. This, as we all know, is not good. And, in so many other ways, I don't give myself the breaks I probably need to be healthy. I don't usually take a break from doing things (unless I'm asleep) and I certainly don't take a break from thinking (I know, I know I need to start meditating), and, after a while, the lack of a break can take its toll. When it comes to me and taking breaks, I often have to be forced into it. I usually don't think to do it on my own and so it's wonderful when someone else gives me an opportunity to take a break and fit some relaxation into my life.

This week I'm going to (hopefully!) be spending a lot of time relaxing in beautiful, sun-kissed Jamaica. Because I'm sure I wouldn't have arranged such a vacation for myself, I'm very grateful to one of my best friends for getting married in a sunny, distant locale so I have the opportunity to pack my bags and take a mini-break from my always-on-the-go life. Normally I would prepare a nice long To Do list for the trip, crafting a schedule without even realizing it -- but not this time. This time I'm going to relax, to take in the sunshine and just be. Will this hard? Sure! I don't like to just sit calmly. I don't do well with the activity known as "relaxing." But I'm sure going to give it a try on this vacation.

While I'm gone, I'd encourage you to find a way to take a break (even if it's the stay-at-home kind) from your life. It really is important to take a step back from your life and whatever project/job you're absorbed in and just relax. I'm probably the worst at this so I understand that it's difficult. Because of that I'd like to emphasize the benefits of taking a break (to remind myself mostly!) and provide some suggestions for how you can take a break without having to fly to a tropical island (oh, I know, you feel so bad for me, don't you?)...

The Benefits of Taking a Vacation

• Gain a new perspective. There's nothing like being in a new place (even if it's outside vs. inside at your desk) to help you have an new outlook. Staying in the same place doing the same thing gets stale and it's important to take a vacation, even if that "vacation" is just getting up from your desk and going for a walk outside. When you expose yourself to new things, you'll open up your mind to seeing the world differently and this is a really great way to live in the moment.
  
  
• Rest and refresh your mind. Taking a vacation gives you an opportunity to rest your mind, to take a break from your daily routines and allow your body and mind to refresh themselves. It's important to take breaks every now and then in order to allow your mind to have a break. Meditation is a great way to vacate your mind, though I can't say I've actually done it (yet!).
  
  
• Find exciting inspiration. Yes, you can find inspiration anywhere, but sometimes a break from your routine and a new environment can really help to inspire you. No matter what you do for a living, it's pretty likely that when you take a vacation you'll come back with new ideas and insights. One of my favorite things about vacationing is having the opportunity to be inspired by new things.  
  
  
• Experience health benefits. I'm no doctor, but apparently those who vacation reap healthy rewards, such as less stress and fewer heart problems. I don't know if there's scientific proof for this, but I do know that I usually feel great after I've allowed myself to have a nice, relaxing vacation (Note: The relaxing part is key. I don't always do this when I'm on vacation and I end up more stressed than I was when I left. Going to work on that this weekend...).
  
  
• Free yourself from stress. Stress, whether you like it or not, is part of most people's lives. It's hard to avoid some sort of stress (work, school, relationships, etc...), but you can take a break from whatever it is that's stressing you out. For most people, a nice vacation is just the thing to put whatever is stressful in their lives into perspective or, better yet, a break from the stress may inspire you to find a new way to deal with it when you return!
  
  
• Celebrate the moment. There's something about being on vacation that allows you to live in the moment. When you're in your routine life, there are many, many distractions that can take you away from the moment, but often vacations have fewer distracting elements and allow us to really take in the now and embrace every moment. I'm not always the best as being present and vacationing really helps me work on that.

Unfortunately not all of us are lucky enough to have fabulous friends who decide to get married in Jamaica and therefore encourage them to break out of their humdrum routines, but that doesn't mean we can't all reap the rewards of vacationing. During the sagging economic climate, the term "staycation" gained its popularity. People want to do something different -- want to experience all of the great benefits of taking a vacation -- but it's not always affordable (or convenient). If that's the case for you, take a look at my suggestions below for how you can enjoy your very own stay-at-home vacation...



How To Staycation (a.k.a. Vacation without Traveling)

• Pretend you're a tourist. This is one of the easiest ways to take a vacation right in your own town. Pretend you're on vacation there and do all of the tourist-y things that other people do when they come to visit. (If you live in a small town, take a trip to your closest city and try this out.)
  
  
• Spend time doing what you love. More often than not we get so caught up in work and family and friends that we forget to spend time doing what we really love to do. If you can't hop on a plane and vacate your life, at least take some time to do what you love to do.
  
  
• Eliminate work-related distractions. Hard as it might be, turn off your phone and email. There's no way you can operate on vacation-mode if you're constantly checking your BlackBerry (yes, I know, I know, this is so hard for some of us!). Eliminating work distractions can be a vacation in and of itself!
  
  
• Read about far-away lands. As you may or may not know, I'm a HUGE fan of reading. It really is one of my favorite things to do and it can be a great way to take a break from your life. Think about where you'd really like to visit and then pick up a book (novel or nonfiction!) about it and dive it. Yes, it's not the same as going there, but it's still fun!
  
  
• Engage others to staycation too.It's pretty hard to take a staycation when everyone around you is in super-busy, work mode. Try to find a friend or a family member to take part in your staycation with you. Not only will be more fun, but it'll be a lot easier to know that someone else is also vacating their world for a little while too.
  
  
• Stay (of course!) in the moment. This can be hard when you're still in your own home or town, but it's important to act as if you're on vacation. Live in the moment, take things slow, don't rush around like you normally would. Pretend (hard as it might be!) that you are somewhere else and ignore all of the routines and regular tasks you normally fret about.

Because I'm truly trying to separate myself from my life for a few days (not because it's a bad life, mind you, but because it's healthy to do so every once and awhile), comments for this post will be closed. Additionally, comments for Friday's post will also be closed. However, if you enjoyed this post, please feel free to share the link on social media sites such as Twitter (you can follow me @positivepresent) or  StumbleUpon. I hope you all have a chance to take at least a small break over the next few days. Though I know it's hard (trust me, it's like tearing a tantrum-throwing two-year-old from a toy store for me to pull me away from my computer or Blackberry), but it's so worth it to take a break every now and then.

stop seeing life in black & white

 (♥)

"In the early days, I had a very black and white view of everything."

Cat Stevens

Lately I've been giving some thought to extremes and how often we look at situations from extreme points of view. It's so easy to label something as "good" or "bad" so we do just that rather than really giving it thought and figuring out what it really is. I find myself guilty of this more often than I'd like to admit. When I see or experience something, I'm quick to label it, to try to fit it neatly into a box. But, as Van Morrison said, "There is no black and white situation. It's all part of life. Highs, lows, middles." Life -- and most of what we experience -- really is that way. It's not just "good" or "bad" or "black" or "white." And, from my experience, when we attempt to classify things in very general categories, we limit ourselves and the world around us. 

It can be very tempting to look at a situation or even another person with an all-or-nothing outlook, but it's usually not going to bring out the true nature of that situation or person. Most things are much more complex than a single adjective or label. Most things are a whole big mess of things and when we allow ourselves to get caught up thinking about something as only "black" or "white" we often miss out on the various depths of things. We miss out on seeing the true complexities of the world around us. I've found that this kind of thinking is pretty much better avoided so I've come up with my thoughts on how to stop seeing of the world in black and white. 
 

How To Stop All-Or-Nothing Thoughts

• Open your mind to new ideas. While of course it makes sense to think of whatever situation you're face with using an open mind, it's also important to keep your mind open at all times, not just when you're looking at a specific situation. Keeping an open mind can help you to think about the world differently, which will allow you to approach any situation (even the one you're looking at through an all-or-nothing lens) with new eyes. When you remain open-minded, you're likely to perceive a situation as it is rather than how you think it should be. New ideas are always useful and it's especially important to be open to them when you're trying to stop seeing the world in black and white. 



• Let go of your expectations. Personally I find that expectations are one of the main reasons all-or-nothing thinking happens to me. I think something "should" be a certain way, so I am either eager to accept the situation as normal when it happens as I thought it should or I am quickly disappointed when the situation doesn't meet my expectations. Letting go of expectations is one of the keys to ridding your mind of all-or-nothing thoughts. Expectations -- those little "should" and "should nots" in your mind -- can really force you into thinking in extremes. Letting go of the notions of how you think the world should or shouldn't be will really help those black and white thoughts to turn to shades of gray. 

 

• Look for the gray areas. While it's tempting, as I said, to fall into the "black" or "white" mentality, keep in mind that there are almost always gray areas. In almost everything situation, there are different layers and different ways of looking at whatever you may be faced with. It's easy to slip into that "black or white" thinking because it comes so readily to most of us. However, it's worth it to give any situation you see in black or white a little more thought to see what's truly happening rather than accepting your initial reaction. 



• Try to see things as they are. Much as I hate to admit it, I tend to see things the way I want to see them rather than the way they really are and this can be a major problem. It's often this distorted thinking that causes me to see the "black" or "white" in a situation because I'm taking what I see and transforming it in my mind. When you actually look at situation as it is, you're much more likely to see the layers and complexity of it. You're much more likely to avoid extreme thinking if you do what you can to remove yourself emotionally from a situation and really look at what's actually happening. 

 

• Avoid labeling with a single word. This one sounds simple, but it's important. When you think of something in terms of one word, you're limiting it immediately. Think about it like this... If someone asks how your day is, you usually respond with words like "Good!" or "Terrible." And even phrases, like "It was okay...", can be limiting. When you label a situation/person/etc. with a single word or phrase, you're instantly limiting it. Recognizing that everyday is more than "good" or "bad" is a great way to start realizing that situations are always more complex than a single descriptive phrase. Open yourself up to describing things in detail (at least in your mind) to avoid those thoughts in black and white. 

Even when a situation seems like it can fall into an extreme -- as in "amazingly perfect" or "incredibly terrible" -- it's almost always more complex. Thinking in extremes (even when the extremes are good!) can really cause more negativity in your life than you need. When you're always striving for an extreme ideal or perceiving a bad situation in an extreme negative light, you're limiting your thinking and, as a result, you limit your actions and reactions. If you find yourself thinking in extreme terms, give these tips a try and open your mind to viewing the world with a completely new mindset. 

Do you find yourself looking at the world in black and white? 
What tips or tricks do you have for avoiding all-or-nothing thinking? 

let your imagination run wild...

  (♥)

Lately I've been thinking a lot about imagination. This is mostly because I've recently finished reading The Wild Things by Dave Egger and I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of the film Where the Wild Things Are. The main character of both the book and the film, Max, has an awesome imagination, which, of course, is a product of real-life author Maurice Sendak's(and, more recently, author Dave Egger's) imagination. When you think about it, it's truly amazing to be exposed to the imagination of another and reading The Wild Things and re-reading Where The Wild Things Are has inspired me to think more about my imagination -- or lack there of.

Okay, I still have a pretty active imagination, but it is nothing like the imagination I had as a child. I would create these stories in my head -- completely nonsensical and far-fetched -- and I would truly believe them. The older I get, the farther away I seem to be from those moments of imaginative daydreaming, from those complete and utterly random ideas that came to me in clouds of inspiration. Lately I've been wondering: Why? Why has my imagination been stunted by my growth into adulthood? Thinking about it, I realized that the reason my imagination hasn't been performing the way it used to is because it's out of practice. All of those years of being negative and sarcastic and sad smothered my imagination. There was no room for it to grow and I spent so much time thinking about all of my real life "problems" that I left no space for my mind to wander and explore. Well, that's about to change!

Now, I'm all about living in the now, or, at the very least, trying to live in the now, so how does allowing my imagination to run wild fit in with living in the moment...? Good question. If I want to be living in the moment, how can I also be imagining what could be? Or, even more complex, how can I be living now and imagining things that aren't even logical possibilities? I looked up the definition of imagination, and, just as I feared, Merriam-Webster told me that imagination is the "act or power of forming a mental image of something not present to the senses." Uh-oh. How can I exercise my imagination while still living in the present? This got me thinking and so I came up with some ideas of how I can cultivate my imagination while still living in the present moment...

How To Let Your Imagination Run Wild (in the Now)

• Be very observant of what's around you. Paying attention of what's going on around you is a great way to stay in the present moment, but it's also an awesome way to stimulate your imagination. When you're paying attention to what's going on around you, you have the opportunity to see and hear and feel new things. In addition, paying careful attention in situations you find yourself often will alert you to things you may not have noticed before. Paying attention is a great way to excite your imagination while staying in the present moment.
  

 

• Take a step out of your regular routines. Taking a break from your regular routines or standard routes is one of the best ways to jump start your imagination. When you put yourself in a new place or situation, you're forcing your mind to think harder. You no longer can go through tasks or down paths without thinking because you are somewhere new. When you're experiencing new things, you are usually so much more aware and this is a great time for your imagination to get some great exercise. Once you break from your routines, you're giving your mind a chance to see and think about the world differently, which is a great way to get new ideas.
  
  
  

• Share your creative ideas with others. Sometimes imagining things can be isolating and it can take us away from the present moment, but there's a great way to live in the moment and explore with your imagination -- by sharing your ideas with others! Sharing your ideas and thoughts with others may help them become more imaginative and it can help you come up with even more great ideas. Bouncing ideas and creative thoughts off others is a great way to come up with more ideas. And, while communicating your imagined ideas with others, you're living in the present moment with that person. Interacting with others helps to keep you present.
  
  
  

• Read, read, read as often as you can. In my opinion, reading is the absolute best way to stimulate your imagination. This ties in with the point I made above about sharing your ideas. I don't know about you, but when I read something truly creative and interesting, something that has stemmed from someone else's imagination, I feel utterly inspired. Getting a little glimpse into the minds of others really makes me think and inspires me to explore my own imagination (which is what happened after I finished reading The Wild Things!). I know it's hard to fit in lots of reading, but it's one of the best ways to give your imagination a great workout.
  
  
  

• Celebrate the imagination of others. Look around you and take note of all the things others have imagined. Observe what others have thought of or created and you're bound to be inspired. This celebration of imagination will remind you that there is so much to be grateful for and so much of what we have surrounding us is a result of someone's creativity. And, in many cases, creative ideas were sparked by witnessing another's creativity. So, look around you and imagine what the world would be like without all that has been imagined...

Henry David Thoreau once said, "The world is but a canvas to the imagination." I couldn't agree with that statement more. We have this whole great world around us and, more importantly, we have our amazing minds that can create thoughts and express them to the world. Sometimes I feel conflicted between diving into my imagination and staying firmly in the present moment, but I don't believe it has be either/or. We can be both present and imaginative. We can imagine while still living very much in the now. Imagination is a wonderful, amazing thing and we're all so lucky that we have the ability to think creatively, but I believe this is a balancing act and we must be careful not to get too carried away with our imaginations.  Living in the moment doesn't mean we have to give up on imagination, and I hope that the suggestions I've offered here will help you to let your imagination run wild without losing sight of the present moment.

How do you exercise your imagination? Do you let it run wild?
What are your ideas for balancing imagination with living in the present?

Want to help celebrate someone else's creativity? One of my favorite nonprofit organizations, Friends of the World Food Program, is featured in the Goodbite.com "Awaken Your Senses" Challenge, which challenges food bloggers to create recipes based on their favorite food memories. What a great use of imagination! Not only do these bloggers get to recreate their memories, the blogger with the most votes will win $10,000 for his or her chosen nonprofit! Marc Matsumoto from [No Recipes] has chosen Friends of the World Food Program as his nonprofit and you can vote for his creative "Summer Sun" recipe as often as you like on Quaker Talk. Awaken your imagination by checking out the videos and please vote for Marc and support Friends of the World Food Program!