positively present

how to create a strong bond with the one you love

(♥)

 

“Love is patient; love is kind
 and envies no one.
 
Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude; 
never selfish, not quick to take offense.

 There is nothing love cannot face;
 there is no limit to its faith, 
its hope, and endurance.
 
In a word, there are three things 
that last forever: faith, hope, and love, 
 but the greatest of them all is love.”

The Bible

I'm fortunate to have some pretty amazing love in my life and it's something I don't, for a second, take for granted. Not everyone is as lucky as I have been when it comes to love and I truly value the time and energy spent on developing a truly loving relationship. Sadly, when it comes to love, there can be a lot of negativity in there. A few weeks ago at my sister's wedding, I heard that famous Letter to the Corinthians, which I've quoted above. Though I've heard it many times, at many weddings (and, of course, in Wedding Crashers), it struck a particular chord with me recently when I realized how much truth resides in those words. 

In order to create a loving and lasting relationship, one must adhere to those principles and focus on them with every passing moment a relationship experiences. As anyone who has been a relationship knows, they aren't all sunshine and rainbows, smiles and happiness. They are hard work sometimes, but I've found that you usually get just about as much as you put into them. If you want to have a strong bond with the one you love, you have to create that bond. And, once you've created it, you have to work on strengthening it all the time. How can you strengthen the bond with the one you love? Here are my suggestions:

  

1. Be patient and kind. For whatever reason, people often take out their worst emotions on the ones they love, but one of the best (and most obvious) ways to strengthen a bond with a loved one is to be patient and kind with that person. It can be hard, at times, to remember patience and kindness, but those two elements are essential when it comes to maintaining a close bond with a loved one.

2. Avoid extreme selfishness. I'm all for the importance of putting yourself first, but, when it comes to making a true and lasting bond with the one you love stick, it's important to avoid extreme selfishness at all costs. Forming a bond has to be a give and take. You must be willing to put others' needs before your own at times if you want to create a bond that will last a lifetime.

3. Do not be rude or boastful. Again, going back to the first point, for some reason people tend to often be rudest to those they love the most. Maybe people think they can get away with it, but, even if you can, rudeness is a surefire way to put stop to forming a close bond with someone you love. If you want to be close, avoid boasting or treating a loved one rudely.

4. Be supportive and avoid envy. There will be times in a loving relationship where one person is more successful or happy than the other. This is normal and this is okay. What's not okay is to be envious of your partner. To create a strong and lasting bond, you must be supportive of the one you love and avoid, at all costs, letting envy take over your emotions.

5. Fill your heart with trust. Many of the biggest issues in many relationships stem from a lack of trust. With all of the various elements life can throw at us, it's not surprising that so many people have issues when it comes to trust. However, if you want to have the best possible bond with the one you love, you must let go of mistrust and open your heart to full and complete trust of one another.  

6. Believe in the power of love. It might sound completely cheesy, but there's a lot of power behind love between two people. It can overcome a great deal -- probably much more than you'd imagine. Love will overcome any negativity -- if you believe in it. To create a strong bond, you have to believe in the love you share and you have to know that, with it, you can deal with all kinds of difficult situations.

7. Celebrate the love you share. Once you've formed a bond with someone, it can be easy to take that love for granted. Don't. Make time to celebrate the love you have in your life and you'll surely continue to increase the bond you share with the one you love. No matter how long it's been since that bond was first created, don't neglect your love. Take time to celebrate it every single day. 
   

I'm really good at doing some of these and, when it comes to others, I could use a little more work and effort on my part. Overall, I know if I focus on cultivating appreciation, gratitude, and respect in my relationship that those things will ultimately lead to a lasting and worthwhile love. So often people find themselves swept up by romance at the beginning of a relationship only to let things fizzle and fade once they grow more comfortable with one another. Often people take it one step further and grow to dislike one another, becoming angry and jealous for little or no reason. It is unfortunate that so many great loves end up turning sour, leaving one or both partners disappointed and unhappy. Many people believe that the initial spark they once felt for another will magically return, but that's not realistic. Real love takes real work and all of the effort one puts into celebrating and working on love is worth it to know that a bond can become unbreakable.

How do YOU create a bond with the one you love? 
What are some things you've done to keep your love strong? 

positive change: a closer look at closest closet

  (♥)
 

Today's post is the first in a new segment on Positively Present called "Positive Change." Posts labeled "Positive Change" will be featured periodically on Positively Present and will highlight the people, websites, and organizations that are striving to make the world a more positive place. As we all know, there is a lot of negativity in our world today and it makes me incredibly happy when I notice those really making an effort to make the world more positive. This first post focuses on the organization Closest Closet, which strives to "help you and your community save money and the planet by working together to conserve resources and share items and skills for free."

It was a few weeks ago that Joanna, creator of Closet Closet, contacted me to share information about her website with me. As she suggested to me in her initial email, there is a close link between her brainstorm-turned-reality site and Positively Present. Living a a positive life in the present requires a great deal of introspection and understanding of one's self, but it also requires that one be open to the idea of sharing the world around him or her with others. Life, when you think about it, really requires a lot of sharing. We share space. We share things. We share ideas. We share a great deal with the people around us. But, as Joanna has noticed, we could be sharing even more than we already do. According to Joanna, "Closest Closet unites members from any community around the globe to "share" household or business items and skills for free. Members can also recycle unwanted and recyclable materials directly to the local people who need them. The more items and skills shared, the less a community needs, thus building strong, self sustaining communities at no cost. As a byproduct of shared goods, the need for mass production of new goods decreases, and global carbon emission rates drop."

I don't know about you, but to me, that sounds like an awesome idea. Why wouldn't we want to share more with the people around us? Why wouldn't we want to get rid of the things we no longer use and lend them to others? Why wouldn't we want to offer our skills in exchange for someone else's skill that we might be lacking? To me, it sounds like an ideal situation. Closest Closet, "the one-stop web service for communities," allows its "members connect with neighbors or local businesses to borrow or lend items, give away unwanted items directly to those who need them, collect or save recyclable materials for others, or ask someone near them for help with a particular task, all for free." For free! How awesome is that?

How does it work? Well, as Joanna puts it,"Closest Closet works when 'requiring' that all members 'share' ten items and/or skills, in any combination of their own choosing with classified ads. In a community of 100 active members, that provides 1,000 items and/or skills remaining listed at any given time. By requiring members to participate, we remind people that we all have something to offer our communities, no matter what society has said about what our skills are worth. It also teaches us what it means to live in a community, and reminds us that we are all responsible for giving and taking." When it comes down to it, Closest Closet is all about giving and taking, which is what all of our relationships should be about.

Already, Closet Closet has an powerful and positive impact on the communities using its services. Joanna notes that "members are volunteering to provide skills such as reading to children at libraries, hosting tea parties, providing child care, teaching cooking or sewing, providing meals to the elderly, painting, photography, and more," and "members have made items such as books, college textbooks, baking supplies, craft supplies, party supplies, games, tools, pet supplies, and even space for use available to their communities." In addition, Closest Closet also positively impacts communities in other ways, including...

  

• Community Impact: The service will enable communities to remain sustainable by combining the contributions of its members. It encourages people to work together and utilize one another as a "lifestyle," not as a passing trend.By only offering directory services to locally owned and operated providers of goods, services, or foods, we encourage even more community strength by supporting our local economies. As businesses become involved as members, they also have a unique opportunity to connect with the communities they serve.

• Economic Impact: Families, individuals, communities, and businesses will be impacted as contributions are made and received free of charge, thus alleviating the financial burden of making purchases for items only needed temporarily, or skills needed occasionally.

• Environmental Impact: By sharing more physical items within communities, we become self-sustaining. A self-sustaining community purchases less. By purchasing less, a simple supply and demand effect would suggest less mass production. Less mass production means less global carbon emissions forced upon our environment.

Clearly, there are many layers to the impact of a site like Closest Closet. When asked what was the defining moment that led Joanna to make this innovative dream a reality, she replied,"I knew that there was something lacking in me, something that was missing. It was this feeling like I didn't 'belong' to this community that I am in, or any community for that matter. But then I realized that a lot of people probably felt like that, because we are in a society that competes with one another to have more and be better than everyone else. It's exhausting. I wanted to live in another country. I initially thought that I wanted to start my own 'intentional community.' I soon realized that the idea of living intentionally is so new to people, that maybe my mission in life was to get people to wake up and realize that EVERY community has the potential to be an 'intentional community.'" Joanna's idea of an "intentional community" really stuck with me. When I read those words, I really thought about them -- and her idea of Closest Closet -- and I thought, hey, this is really cool. This is the kind of thing we could all be involved and really, truly benefit from. 

As you can see from this post, Closest Closet can have a truly positive impact on the world and it's something we all could take part in and benefit from. Want to participate? Check out www.closestcloset.com and also check out the Closest Closet Blog. And for the most up-to-the-minute info, follow Closest Closet on Twitter @ClosestCloset. 

Do you know of any organizations, websites, or people
who are working hard to make a positive difference in the world?
Comment below, send me an email, or leave me a tweet on @positivepresent
 and tell me about the positive influences you're seeing in the world. 

relieve big (wedding) day stress: 14 tips to get you through

 (♥)
 

This Saturday my little sister is getting married. After over a year of waiting for the big day to arrive, it's hard to believe it's almost here. I couldn't be more excited for her big day and all of the festivities that come along with it, but, as those who have been in one, had one, or been anywhere near one know, weddings are a lot of work and a lot of work typically means a lot of stress. For me, the maid of honor, things have been pretty good. Mostly I've had to attend events, look nice, smile, and occasionally make some plans for my sister, but generally it hasn't been too much stress for me. However, I know that isn't the situation for all maids-of-honor or those involved in weddings so I've put together a list of idea for relieving the stress of a big day. Whether it's a wedding or a graduation or any other big event, no matter how much excitement there is surrounding it, there's always bound to be an element of stress. Here are some ideas of how to cope with big day stress. 

Tips for Dealing with Big Day Stress

• Get lots of sleep. This seems obvious, but anyone who is facing a big day knows how hard it can be to sleep the night before. Whether it's excitement or nerves keeping you up, it's important to find a way to get some quality rest before the big day. 

• Eat a healthy breakfast. When you're stomach's filled with nervousness, it can be hard to rationalize the benefits of a healthy breakfast, but truly it's the most important meal of the day. Skipping it could lead to feeling weak all day so make sure to grab some grub the morning of! 

• Don't procrastinate. Leaving things to the last minute is a surefire way to cause you to feel panicked. When you're preparing for a big day, try to get as much done ahead of time as possible so you don't have to spend time worrying and fretting over the little things. 

• Ask others for help. No matter what you're facing in life, asking for help is always a good thing. Many people are afraid to ask, but when it comes to a big day, don't be. Asking for help is a great to make sure everything gets done and it cuts way down on stress. 

• Take a time out. Once the big day has arrived, it can be so easy to get swept up in everything that you forget to take a break to just be with yourself. No matter what your role is in a big day event, it's always helpful to take a little break -- even just a few minutes -- to help relax yourself. 

• See the big picture. In the midst of big day festivities, it can be hard not to examining all of the details and focus on the tiny things. But if you take a step back and look at the big picture (in my case, a life of love for my little sis), you'll have a much better perspective when it comes to the day's little mishaps. 

• Do something relaxing. If there are a million things to be done for a big day, it seems like it would be crazy to take some time to relax, but that's exactly what you need to do to make yourself more productive. Plan a spa visit, take a walk, meditate -- do whatever makes you feel at ease!

• Stay organized. Disorganization is one of the main reasons things can fall to pieces on a big day. If you make an effort to stay organized beforehand, you'll be facing much less stress on the big day and you'll have more time to enjoy all of the festivities taking place around you. 

• Deal with your emotions. Big days can come with a lot of emotional baggage and, instead of ignoring or avoiding your feelings, be sure to be attentive to them and recognize them. You are entitled to feel how you feel and if you don't allow yourself to experience your emotions, they'll most likely get the best of you. 

• Take deep breaths. There's usually some sort of mini-crisis when it comes to big days and it's important that, when faced with such a situation, you take deep breaths. Take a minute or two to breathe and get your mind to a place where you can think clearly. Then react. 

• Think positively. No matter what goes down on the big day, it's so, so important to think (and speak!) positively. Quite a few people will probably be in high-stress mode and it is extremely helpful to have someone (like you!) around to see the positive in every situation. Look for the good -- no matter what. 

• Have a back-up plan. A great way to really cut down on stress for the big day is to have a back-up plan. If you're not 100% focused on only one way to do things and you're open to options, you'll be a lot less stressed if something goes awry. Be prepared and keep your options open. 

• Consider other people. It can be very tempting to get caught up in your own situation when it comes to the big day, but take a step back and consider other people and how they might be reacting or feeling. If you do this, you'll be a lot more compassionate of others (and a lot less likely to focus on the "me" aspect of stress). 

• Enjoy the moment. Most importantly, the best tip I can offer is to live in the moment. No matter what's going on during the big day, keep in mind this phrase: "This is it." Most likely, there won't be another big day like this one so take it all in, soak it all up, and be sure to enjoy every single moment. 

 
Even with all of the planning in the world, there are bound to be situations you just cannot predict when it comes to big events. With all of the little puzzle pieces of the day to be put in place, it's no surprise that sometimes a piece or two goes missing. But remember: that's okay. The big day doesn't have to be perfectly flawless to be amazing. The key when it comes to big events is making the most of them -- and that's exactly what I plan to do at my sister's wedding. I plan to make the most of whatever comes my way and focus as much as I can on making sure her day is her dream wedding day. No matter what comes along, I plan on doing whatever I can to make her day as amazing as it can be. 

No matter what kind of big day you have planned, there's bound to be a bit of stress involved. Remember these two things: (1) it's normal to have stress on a big day, and (2) you can manage your stress, no matter how unfathomable that might seem. As I talk about often on Positively Present, you have the power to control how you react and what attitude you choose to have. Whenever you're faced with a difficult or stressful situation, remind yourself that you can choose, at any time, to be positive. That choice can get forgotten when things are hectic and people seem to be panicking and nervous, but it's always there. Choose to be positive and whatever you encounter -- a last minute cancellation, a nervous bride, or a M.I.A. bridesmaid -- you'll be able to handle it. 

 How do you handle big day stress? What tips can you add to this list? 
And, any last minute advice for this maid-of-honor? 
 

  

bella on being present: 11 tips from my dog

   

 
 
 
 

Not too long ago, I was reading the book Waiting for Jack: Confessions of a Self-Help Junkie, by Kristen Moeller, and I came across a section on animals and how they help us to live more positive, more present lives. Moeller writes, "By surrounding myself with animals, I have a constant reminder of what is really important to me: being present, unconditional love, deep connections, quiet, and peace. My animals help ground me, help me remember the path I am on."  Though I've contemplated the benefits of pets before, and even wrote about it a little bit in the post "It's a Bella Life," something about Moeller's words really spoke to me and I began giving some serious thought to how much my dog helps to keep me both positive and present.

Moeller writes, "If we are open and willing, animals can teach us to be better humans... Animals can inspire us to be less busy, more present, less worried, more joyful, and more passionate about life. They will never judge us for the things we do or don't do. Animals don't complain. They don't create drama... Their view of the world is immediate. They don't regret the past, fear the future, or take themselves 'so damn seriously.' And they teach us to be excited about the little things, the simple pleasures in life -- dried dog food for dinner (again) never seems to lose its magic." After reading these words, I realized the glaring truth in them. Animals, especially pets, really do help us in all of these ways. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that my sweet little Bella is one of the driving forces helping me to stay positive and stay present.

Silly as it may sound, over the past six years, Bella has taught me a great deal about life -- and particularly about being present. I have to admit that she's not the most positive of dogs: she does her best to attack every dog she sees; she often sniffs and rejects the carefully prepared dinner she's been given; she distrusts and shies away from most men; she tugs aggressively at her leash in a rush to get outside; she barks incessantly at every car or truck driving past; and she has no shame when it comes to drinking out of my glass or using her eight-pound body to somehow masterfully hog the bed. But, in spite some of her less-than-positive qualities, she does love unconditionally, live with fierce loyalty, and shows me every single day the little ways that one can be more positive and more present. Here are some of the lessons about being present that I've learned from Bella...

 

Bella's Tips for Being Present

• Do less every day. Bella doesn't overwhelm her schedule with To Do lists and appointments and activities. Bella knows how to take it easy. She spends most of her day relaxing and another good chunk of it playing. Now, I know we all would love to play all day long, but since that's not an option for most of us, I think we should all take a tip from Bella and just do less. Make fewer appointments. Schedule fewer activities. And, instead, spend more time living in the moments you're experiencing right now. 

• Live in the moment. Never once I have noticed Bella fretting about the past or panicking about the future. Bella lives in the moment. Whatever is happening to her right in that particular moment is what she pays attention to. She lives in the now and she doesn't let the past or the present bog her down. Though it's probably easier for her to live in the now (dogs are pretty much built that way), that doesn't mean we all can't strive to emulate her present-living ways and live in the now. 

• Worry less often. Bella doesn't worry too much. Sure, she gets stressed out when the FedEx delivery person comes to the door and she gets a bit of anxiety when I leave her for too long, but, generally, she's not a worrier. She doesn't worry about things that are out of her control, the way us humans usually do. We could all take a tip from Bella and try our best to worry less. 

• Experience more joy. There's no joy quite like that of Bella with a new toy. It doesn't matter what it is, but if you give her something new and call it "new toy," that tail is wagging and she's all over it, pawing it and biting it and flipping it up in the air with excitement. She fully understands what it means to live with joy and I plan to start embracing the joyful moments in my life just like Bella does. 

• Feel passion for life. Just like her ability to be joyful, passion for life is something Bella also possesses. Though it might not seem like it when she's lounging on the couch, Bella truly is passionate about life. Everything she can see or smell is interesting to her. Details are important. She really gets into the things she loves (like playing) and we could all learn from her zest for living. 

• Stop judging. To me, this is one of the most precious assets of any pup: they don't judge. Bella doesn't judge me when I make a mistake (even if it somehow effects her, like if I oversleep and don't take her out until later in the morning). And, maybe more important, Bella doesn't judge herself. She accepts everything for what it is and goes with it, something I truly aspire to do. 

• Avoid complaining. Life has some pretty big highs and lows sometimes and I know it can be difficult not to complain, but look at how dogs handle most situations...They deal. If they're hot or cold or tired or hungry, they cope with it. Yes, sometimes there's a little bit of whining involved, but generally they wait patiently until things get better. Remember the one thing dogs seem to know well: complaining gets you nowhere. 

• Don't create drama. Whether you want to admit it or not, most people create a little bit of drama for themselves. Sometimes it's purposeful and other times its unconscious, but, either way, it's something many people do. Dogs don't do this. They face whatever situations they're given and they deal with them directly. They don't avoid or rationalize or blame -- and we'd be a lot better off if we didn't either! 

• Form deep connections. Those of you who have (or have had) a pet probably know this: the bond between a pet and his/her owner is one of the strongest bonds out there. I love Bella pretty much unconditionally and I know she loves me unconditionally. It's rare to find a close connection with anyone, let alone a dog, but it's an important thing to have. Bella has taught me that close connections are one of the best ways to stay present. 

• Learn to be at peace. Right now, I'm looking over at Bella, who is in the exact same spot as the picture above and she looks completely at peace with the world. She's lying down, observing the world around her, looking as if she's contemplating life's big mysteries. But she's not. She's just in the now, watching birds in the trees, the cars driving past, people walking to the Metro on the way to work. She's at peace -- and I hope to take what I see in her and experience within myself. 

• Look for magic. This is one of the best lessons I've learned from Bella. She's always looking around her, nose in the dirt or carpet, hunting for something special. Yes, she's probably looking for the scent of other animals or a crumb left behind by the vacuum, but she's inadvertently taught me to pay attention to the little things, to the magic in life. Even the most routine things for her are exciting and, when I see that little tail wagging with joy, I can't help but be reminded that in everything, even the most mundane things like taking a walk down the same sidewalk, there is magic. 

Already in her six short years of life, Bella is mastering something that most of us never fully do: living now. No matter how much I focus on living in the now, it's always a little bit difficult. There are things to think about in the future. There are things from the past that are sometimes hard to let go. And it's for that reason that I'm so thankful to have Bella in my life as a constant reminder to live in the now. As I'm finishing up this post, she's still peering out the window, head turning with every passerby and car going past. Looking at her, I'm yet again reminded of the sweet serenity that comes with living in the present, in living without dwelling on the past or frantically preparing for the future. She, like all animals, is an inspiration, a constant reminder, to live now and be fully present in our lives. 

How do the animals in your life help you stay present? 
In addition to what I've mentioned above,
 what else have your pets taught you about living in the moment? 

guest post: what REALLY is positively thinking?

 (♥)
 

The following post was written by Faizal Nisar, author and creator of FaizalNisar.com, a website that strives to (and does!) elevate the mind. If you have the time, I'd highly recommend checking out "How a Balanced Life Brings More Success," one of my favorite posts on Faizal's site. 

If you’ve been exposed to self improvement for a while now, chances are you’ve heard the term positive thinking used many times. You probably also seen people who praise positive thinking while others criticize it as “being unrealistic." Why is there such conflict over this topic? I believe it’s because positive thinking is such a vast subject that it’s frequently misunderstood. The most common definition of positive thinking I’ve seen is simply “think positive." While that may be somewhat accurate, it simply doesn’t define the subject in its entirety. 

Positive thinking is a style of thinking. To take full advantage of it, you must completely replace your current style of thinking. I think that’s where the most confusion comes in. Positive thinking is usually seen as something “to do” instead of being seen as an absolute state of mind. People say “think positive” as something to do without realizing that in order to think positive, you first have to lay down the foundation. That’s why positive thinking gets deemed as an “unrealistic” approach to life.

How old are you right now? Your age is how many years you’ve been thinking the way you do. You’re accustomed to it and have become an expert at it. Now imagine working at one job for that many years. You know exactly what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. Then one day, someone says we’re completely changing how everything is done and the change starts now. How difficult would it be to adapt to this change? Extremely difficult, right? You’ll find yourself continuously going back to your old ways. You’ll have to slowly grow into developing new habits. That’s exactly how positive thinking works. Advice such as “think positive” or “look on the bright side” just isn’t enough. You need to lay the ground work and slowly shift your style of thinking. How exactly can you lay down the groundwork for positive thinking?

How to Lay the Groundwork for Positive Thinking

1. Accept your current way of thinking and make a conscious decision to shift it to positive thinking. You making this shift will bring you more enjoyment and less stress from life. You’ll experience more productivity, pleasure, and freedom from your thoughts. You’ll focus on finding solutions rather than concentrating on problems. Solutions bring peace to the mind while problems bring worry. To become a positive person, you realize you must condition your mind first. 
2. Start building your foundation through continuous training. Here’s a great exercise to get you started. List everything in your life that you are not content with. Then go back over your list and write three things positive for each negative thing in your life. For example: I hate the car I have. 3 positive things: It takes me front point A to point B, it’s a gas saver, and a simple oil change is all it needs to keep running. Try to keep yourself from completing this entire exercise in just one day. Take your time with it. Chances are if you do everything at once, the great deal of information will slip your mind. Doing it once a day will help you grasp the information and retain it longer. Repetition is the best way to teach yourself.
3. Immerse yourself in positivity. You see, your current style of thinking is shaped by the two E’s: your Experiences and your Environment. To shift your thinking, you have to alter both. To build positive experiences, you need to read, see, hear, and feel positive things. PositivelyPresent.com is a great source for this. In order to change your environment, start making friends that are positive instead of ones that are lazy, complainers, or even depressed. We subconsciously pick things up from people around us, so you want to make sure you are picking up on positive things.
4. The last step is to actually feel positive. There’s a direct relation to the thoughts in your mind and how you feel emotionally. Once you feel positive and content, you are well on your way to mastering positive thinking. You will be tested at times by facing situations where there seems to be no hope. Don’t get pulled too deep into this. Be conscious and say to yourself, “It always can be worse.”

 

Faizal Nisar, who inspires others from his own inspiration, writes at FaizalNisar.com on the subject of self improvement. His free book, The Instant Success Guide, can be found on FaizalNisar.com and will change how you approach success.

achieve happiness by accessing your inner guide

 (♥)
 

The following post is a guest post by Brian Tracy, author of No Excuses!: The Power of Self-Discipline. In the post, he shares his advice on how to listen to yourself in order to achieve happiness. The methods outlined below really do work so I'd recommend giving them a shot after reading this post. More information about Brian and his work can be found at www.briantracy.com.

You've heard of Murphy's Law, which says that whatever can go wrong will go wrong. Well, there's another law, which says that left to themselves, things have a tendency to go from bad to worse. When something is making you unhappy, for any reason, the situation will tend to get worse rather than better. So avoid the temptation to engage in denial, to pretend that nothing is wrong, to wish and hope and pray that, whatever it is, it will go away and you won't have to do anything. The fact is that it probably will get worse before it gets better and that ultimately you will need to face the situation and do something about it.

There's an old saying that you can't solve a problem on the level that you meet it. This means that wrestling with a challenge is usually fruitless and frustrating. For example, if two people who are in a relationship together are constantly fighting and negotiating and looking for some way to resolve their difficulties, they're attempting to solve the problem on the wrong level. Dealing with the problem on a higher level, those people would ask the question, "In terms of being happy, is this the right relationship for us in the first place?" As soon as you begin to use happiness as your measure of rightness, you begin to see a situation entirely differently.

Many people work very hard and experience considerable frustration trying to do a particular job. However, in terms of their own happiness, the right answer might be to do something else, or to do what they're doing in a different place, or to do it with different people -- or all three.

Ask Yourself

Following are a few questions for you to answer in this arena of happiness. Many people refuse to even consider these questions because they're afraid that if they do, they won't like the answers. But nevertheless, have the courage to clearly define your life in your own terms. Here are the questions; write them down at the top of a sheet of paper, and then write as many answers to each one as you possibly can.

The first question is: "What would it take for me to be perfectly happy?" Write down every single thing that you can imagine would be in your life if you were perfectly happy at this very moment. Write down things such as health, happiness, prosperity, loving relationships, inner peace, travel, car, clothes, homes, money, and so on. Let your mind run freely. Imagine that you have no limitations at all. Write everything down whether or not you think you have the capacity to acquire it or achieve it in the short term. Your first job is always to be clear about what it would take for you to have your ideal life.

The second question is a little tougher. Write down at the top of a page this question: "In what situations in my life, and with whom, am I not perfectly happy?" Force yourself to think about every part of your day, from morning to night, and write down every element that makes you unhappy or dissatisfied in any way. Remember, proper diagnosis is half the cure. Identifying the problematic situations is the first step to resolving them.

The third question will give you some important guidelines. Write down at the top of a sheet of paper these words: "In looking over my life, where and when have I been the happiest? Where was I, with whom was I, and what was I doing?"

By asking and answering those three questions, you begin to delve deeper and deeper into yourself and your feelings.  You begin to accept your own happiness as a legitimate standard by which to evaluate everyone and everything in your life.  You begin to develop the wisdom, the courage, and the foresight to organize your life in such a way that you become a much happier person.

Once you have the answers to those questions, think about what you can do, starting immediately, to begin creating the kind of life that you dream of. It may take you a week, a month or a year, but that doesn't matter. Every single thing you do that moves you closer to your vision of happiness will be rewarding in itself. You'll become a more positive and optimistic person. You'll feel more confident and more in charge of your life.

Happy vs. Right

And now here's the most important exercise of all. It is from the advice of Dr. Gerald Jampolsky, who asks, "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?" He recommends that you set peace of mind as your highest goal and that you select and organize around it all your other goals in life. You hold up each part of your life to this standard of peace of mind, and you either get into or get out of anything that adds to it or detracts from it.

The most important part in this process of getting in touch with your feelings is to begin to practice solitude on a regular basis. Solitude is the most powerful activity in which you can engage. Men and women who practice it correctly and on a regular basis never fail to be amazed at the difference it makes in their lives.

Most people have never practiced solitude. Most people have never sat down quietly by themselves for any period of time in their entire lives. Most people are so busy being busy, doing something -- even watching television -- that it's highly unusual for them to simply sit, deliberately, and do nothing. But as Catherine Ponder points out, "Men and women begin to become great when they begin to take time quietly by themselves, when they begin to practice solitude." And here's the method you can use.

Method of Solitude

To get the full benefit of your periods of solitude, you must sit quietly for at least 30 to 60 minutes at a time. If you haven't done it before, it will take the first 25 minutes or so for you to stop fidgeting and moving around. You'll almost have to hold yourself physically in your seat. You'll have an almost irresistible desire to get up and do something. But you must persist.

Solitude requires that you sit quietly, perfectly still, back and head erect, eyes open, without cigarettes, candy, writing materials, music or any interruptions whatsoever for at least 30 minutes. An hour is better.

Become completely relaxed, and breathe deeply. Just let your mind flow. Don't deliberately try to think about anything. The harder you "don't try," the more powerfully it works. After 20 or 25 minutes, you'll begin to feel deeply relaxed. You'll begin to experience a flow of energy coming into your mind and body. You'll have a tremendous sense of well-being. At this point, you'll be ready to get the full benefit of these moments of contemplation.

The incredible thing about solitude is that if it is done correctly, it works just about 100 percent of the time. While you're sitting there, a stream, a river, of ideas will flow through your mind. You'll think about countless subjects in an uncontrolled stream of consciousness. Your job is just to relax and listen to your inner voice. At a certain stage during your period of solitude, the answers to the most pressing difficulties facing you will emerge quietly and clearly, like a boat putting in gently to the side of a lake. The answer that you seek will come to you so clearly and it will feel so perfect that you'll experience a deep sense of gratitude and contentment. You may get several answers in one period of quiet sitting. But in any case, you'll get the answer to the most important situation facing you every single time.

When you arise from this period of quiet, you must do exactly what has come to you. It may involve dealing with a human situation. It may involve starting something or quitting something. Whatever it is, when you follow the guidance that you received in solitude, it will turn out to be exactly the right thing to do. Everything will be OK. And it will usually work out far better than you could have imagined. Just try it and see.

That brings us to the final point on getting in touch with your feelings: You must learn to trust yourself. You must learn to take time to listen to your emotions and your feelings as to what makes you happy or unhappy, as to what feels right or wrong. You must absolutely trust that what is right for you is the right thing to do. You must never compromise on what your inner voice tells you to do. You must never go against what you feel to be correct. You must develop the habit of listening to yourself and then acting on the guidance you receive.

When you listen to yourself and act on what you hear inside, you are setting out on the road to personal greatness. For more on this, read "Accessing Your Inner-Guidance Part One".

© 2010 Brian Tracy, author of No Excuses! The Power of Self-Discipline.

Author Bio

Brian Tracy, author of No Excuses!: The Power of Self-Discipline, was born in eastern Canada in 1944 and grew up in California. After dropping out of high school, he traveled and worked his way around the world, eventually visiting eighty countries on six continents. His extensive personal studies in business, sales, management, marketing, and economics enabled him to become the head of a $265 million company before he turned his attention to consulting, training, and personal development. He is now the president of three companies with operations worldwide. He is married, has four children, and lives in San Diego, California. For more information, please visit www.briantracy.com and follow the author on Facebook and Twitter.

life through a clear lens: how to stop distorting your thoughts

 (♥)
 

A photograph is usually looked, 
but seldom looked into.

Ansel Adams

Thoughts are like photographs. We take an image, something that is what it is, and we can change it. We can get closer or farther from it. We can see it in black in white or in color. We can choose to zoom in on a specific portion of the picture. The ideas and images we photograph in our minds can be altered with different lenses. They can be distorted and changed not only by the variety of lenses we are looking through but also by the various ways we develop the the film. Thoughts are amazing. They can be wonderful and useful, but they can also be very far from what is reality (but what, really, is reality?).

Yesterday, I came across a list of thinking distortions. This was posted by Travllr in a comment section on Yahoo! Answers, so I'm not entirely sure who to credit the information to. Travllr noted that David Burns, in his book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy, identified the most prominent types of thinking distortions that cause people to upset themselves. I'm not entirely sure if these are his ideas or if he just referenced them in his book. Either way, I'm grateful that I found them. I think I'm guilty of a lot of them and I bet most people are from time to time.

Like taking a photograph, sometimes it's very hard to capture the world, and our interactions with others, as they actually are. It is often hard for us, after images and thoughts and ideas travel through our minds, to have them come out looking the same as they did when they went in. We are all burdened with backgrounds and opinions and life experiences and personalities that affect the way we perceive the world. When you take a moment to think about how different we all are, it's a wonder that we can communicate with each other at all! Take a look at the list of thinking distortions. (Note: I've broken them up a little differently than they were in the comments on Yahoo!) Below each distortion I've written my ideas about how you can avoid each type of distortion to bring clarity and positivity to your thoughts.

13 Thinking Distortions

1. All or nothing thinking.
   Seeing things in black and white; anything short of perfection is seen as failure.
   
   
2. Over-generalization.
   Seeing a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat. 
   
   
3. Mental filter.
   Dwelling on a single negative detail that colors all reality.
   
   
4. Disqualifying the positive.
   Rejecting positive experiences to sustain negative beliefs.
   
   
5. Jumping to conclusions.
   Making negative conclusions not supported by facts.
   
   
6. Mind reading.
   Arbitrarily concluding others are reacting negatively to you without verification.
   
   
7. Fortune telling.
   Anticipating, and experiencing as an established fact, things turning out badly.
   
   
8. Magnification.
   Exaggerating the importance of things.
   
   
9. Minimization.
   Inappropriately reducing the value of things or qualities of others.
   
   
10. Emotional reasoning.
    Assuming negative emotions reflect the way things really are.
    
    
11. Labeling.
    Attaching labels to yourself and others and describing events in emotionally-loaded phrases.
    
    
12. Should statements.
    Motivating yourself with "shoulds" and "should nots" which results in guilt and anger.
    
    
13. Personalization.
    Seeing yourself as the cause for events which you had no control over.

As I mentioned, I stumbled across these accidentally, which just goes to show that you never know what you'll find when you look around! I wanted to share with you what the commenter, Travllr, wrote about these distortions. S/he called these thinking distortions the "little foxes." When s/he is feeling upset due to a thinking distortion, s/he identifies which of the "foxes" is disturbing her and says to that fox, "Shoo!" Eventually, according to Travllr, tranquility returns once the fox has been scared away. So how can YOU scare these distortions away? Keep reading...

How To Stop Distorting Your Thoughts

• Be positive. This sounds simple, but keeping up a positive attitude, no matter what's going on in your life, can really help you to see things more clearly and avoid being trapped by distortion. 

• Be present. Stay in the moment. Think about the now. You are where you are and you are only wasting time if you are focusing on the past (which is over) or obsessing about the future (which might not play out the way you imagine). 

• Be controlling. You can control the way you perceive a situation and the world around you. It's not always easy, but you have have power to think about things the way you want to think about them -- so try thinking about the positive. 

• Be mindful. Be aware of what you are feeling when you are thinking. Sit with your emotions and figure out why you are having them. Once you recognize the distortions and can identify them, you'll be more unlikely to be dismissive of your reactions. Pay attention to what you think.

I'm sure there are tons and tons of ways to avoid distorting your thoughts, but these are the ones that seem to resonate most with me. Don't beat yourself up for having distorted thoughts from time to time; it's hard not to. Think about it like a roll of film (old fashioned, I know!). You take a whole roll, all of your thoughts, and there are bound to be a few that are a little fuzzy or aren't aiming quite where you wanted them to. Being more careful and conscious of how you think should help you create clearer thoughts and clearer thoughts mean better communication with others. Keep adjusting your lens and watching the world from different angles and, before you know it, you'll the get picture you've been looking for.

[Note: Today's post was originally posted in May 2009. To view the original post, click here.]

beautiful afternoons & overcast mornings: a lesson on acceptance

 

 (♥)
 
 

Last Friday the day I woke to was a cloudy one. It was that hazy in-between sort of cloudy -- not dark enough for rain and craving a day of reading and snuggling, yet not light enough to have hope that the sun would come out by the afternoon. It was dismal. Bland. Unexciting and, from the looks of it, unrelenting. While I didn't want to hop directly back into my bed as I do on rainy days, I did have the desire to avoid looking at the sky and its infinite promise of gray. Driving to work, I felt glum. I couldn't shake the feeling with the sky surrounding me, the colors of everything dulled by the overcast sky.

I thought back to the day before -- in fact, less than twelve hours before -- when I had been driving home from work. The sky had been filled with those amazing can-you-believe-they're-real fluffy white clouds. The kind you'd swear you could bounce on if you could only get close enough to them. They were exploding and billowing across a vibrant blue sky and at every traffic light I would whip out my phone and try to take a picture, knowing full well I'd never be able to capture their beauty accurately with my Blackberry's camera. Still, I couldn't help but want to store those fluffs of white in my phone, to carry them with me everywhere. 

That afternoon I had already heard the forecast and I knew the next day would be gloomy, filled with frown-inducing phrases like "overcast" and "thunderstorm" and "take an umbrella." I knew I would wake and be disappointed with the sky, which I believed should be reflecting the sunshine and carefree attitude of a day privileged to be leading a three-day weekend. It has always irked me when the weather doesn't reflect my current life circumstances (which, yes, is a nod to anyone out there who has ever used the term "self-centered" to describe me...), but over the years I've come to accept the fact that the weather won't always suite my mood. Knowing that the next day I would be thrilled for the weekend and knowing the Friday weather would be a letdown, I felt even more compelled to capture the Thursday evening clouds with my camera.

As I was driving along, phone in hand, ready for the next red light and chance to snap an image, I realized the clouds I was so overjoyed to see -- those blindingly white puffs of smoke-like wonder -- were the very same things I would be dreading the next day. Clouds, it seems, have a power effect on me, both negative and positive. You see, I love nothing more than the sight of white against blue, a cloud coasting across the sky on a sunny day, but I have no patience for the clutter of clouds that crowd the sky on an overcast day. They are of the same make (whatever it is that makes clouds...) and yet they could not be more different in my mind. 

How many things can be like that? So positive and amazing if looked at in one circumstance and so negative and depressing if looked at in a different light? Could it be that, given enough thought and time, everything is like that? Everything we experience has the potential to be like the clouds I saw last Thursday and Friday? If pasted sporadically on a bright blue sky, clouds can seem like miracles, inspiring awe and wonder in a girl like me. However, if grouped together so closely that all of their shoulders are touching, leaving no room for even a glimpse of blue, clouds can be ominous and smothering, causing me to feel as if they might someday float so low that they will cover us all with their gloominess. There can be both good and bad when it comes to clouds, and I believe that's the case with most things. So many things can be negative or positive if looked at in a certain light -- and it can be hard to remember the flip side when caught in a particular moment -- especially a moment of the extremely good or extremely bad variety.

For example, it was difficult for me to really comprehend, on Thursday evening, how I would feel when those fluffy white clouds I was so fond of would turn grey and menacing on Friday. I knew, deep down, I would view them differently, but I couldn't really recall exactly how it would feel (though I'd experienced the doom of a gray day many, many times before). Likewise, when I drove into work Friday morning beneath a cloud-cluttered sky, it was hard to recall the sky from the previous evening and how much I had revered the clouds that hung there so perfectly, suspended above me in a way that seemed nothing short of magical. Often, when we are at one end of the spectrum, it's hard to remember the other end. Positive and negative seem so far from one another yet, in so many ways, they can be derived from the very same things.

Think, for a moment, about your bed. How many wonderful times have you had there? How many nights have you laughed and kissed and loved? And then think of those less-than-stellar moments spent in your bed. How many times have you wished you were anywhere but there? How many nights have you cried or felt lonely or tossed and turned with worry? Your bed -- the place you spend hours and hours in every day -- can be both a haven and a hell. It can be the place you long for and the place you long to get away from. Many places, experiences, and, perhaps, even people, can be that way. They can be the most amazing and the most heart-breaking. Though I don't have any of my own, I would imagine children are that way. People claim they are the best thing to happen to them, yet they can hurt their parents so deeply at times. They are the best and the worst, I would imagine. 

At this point (if you're still reading!), you're probably wondering, "Where is she going with all of this talk of clouds and beds and children?" Well, in essence, what I'm discovering for myself (and sharing the play-by-play here with you) is that the negative and the positive aspects of life are not as disconnected as one might think. In fact, most things that are immensely positive can also be incredibly negative. (As you read about in the example with the clouds). We often tend to believe that negative and positive are opposites, separate from another and, in an abstract way, enemies of one another. But, in reality, negative and positive elements are woven into almost everything. People, places, things, ideas -- they all have good and bad, layers of positive and negative. Some may have more of one than the other, but, when it comes to the terms "good" and "bad," those words are objective and what one might see as the worst thing another might see as the best. 

Therefore, we cannot be certain that what we are seeing as positive or negative is necessarily so -- or, maybe more importantly, that it will always be that way. When I drove home last Thursday and saw those brilliantly displayed clouds arranged so perfectly on the sky, it was hard for me to imagine me having anything but complete and utter love for clouds. However, I knew deep down that it was much more complex than that. Clouds can be beautiful, yes, but they can also be devastating. (Dramatic? Yes. True? I really think so.) The more I think about it, the more I realize that so much of life can be that way. All of its elements have the ability to be both amazing and awful. So what's a girl like me, who is striving so hard to focus on the positive in life, to do? Do I focus only on the things that are positive (when they are positive) or do I recognize the complexities of positive and negative in everything and accept things for what they are, when they are that way? 

Personally, I don't see living a positive life as only focusing on the things that are positive. You've heard it all before, but it's really true that there can be no light without dark. If I was unaware of the potential for dark, gray skies, I would never have taken so much delight in seeing those beautiful clouds littering the sky last Thursday night. Without knowing about the negative, I could never fully enjoy the positive. To know what it is like to live a negative-focused life, I now feel like I have the perspective to really appreciate those things that are positive. I've learned that living a positive life doesn't mean ignoring the negative (though, admittedly, I won't always be happy when I have to deal with negative aspects). Instead, it means recognizing both the good and the bad in everything and understanding that most elements of life are not one dimensional -- and that's what makes them so awesome. 

Know this: we are destined to see both the negative and the positive and, while it is certainly nice to focus on the positive, it does no good to ignore the negative. If you take away one thing from this post, let it be this: In everything, there is both light and dark and, to live a truly positive life, you must recognize and accept both the beautiful afternoons in which white clouds float lazily against a blue sky and the overcast mornings in which gray clouds hunch low from the heavy weight of the sky. 

make a positive mindset your favorite accessory

 (♥)
 

“Sometimes you need the right accessory,” she said.

And I said, “I know...

Sometimes it takes me an hour to pick the right head.”

And she just ignored me.

Story People

I love fashion and, in particular, I love accessories. So when I read this quote (sent to me by my great friend Abbey), it grabbed my attention immediately. And when I got to the part about choosing the right head, I sat back in my chair and stared at the words. Picking the right head every morning, like an accessory, is an interesting concept. What if we had an assortment of mindsets, or “heads,” laid out before us every morning? What if we had the option to choose what head we would wear for the day? I’m pretty sure if that were the case, most of us wouldn’t be reaching for the angry or unhappy mindsets, thinking, “Oh, today I think I’d love to be really angry. I’m going to put on this angry head today.” No, I think if all of our various mindsets were laid out before us, we’d probably go for a happy mind, a peaceful mind, or an easy-going mind. I’m pretty sure most people would go for a positive mindset if given a choice to slip it on as if it were an accessory. 

Do you want to know the truth? We can wear different heads, different minds, just like accessories. Just like heading to your closet for a pair of shoes or a colorful scarf, you can reach into your mind and pull out the mindset that sets the tone for your day. I remember, as a child, loving the movie Annie. Though I can’t say I remember all that much of it now, I do recall a scene when Annie sings, “You’re never fully dressed without a smile.” As I grew older, I recall thinking that was the cheesiest thing I’d ever heard. You’re never fully dressed without a smile? Puh-leeze. As a teenager and college student, a smile was the least of my concerns when it came to dressing. 

But not anymore. Now I realize that a good attitude -– a happy head -– is the best accessory you can put on when you start your day. Cheesy as it might be, Annie was right; no matter what you’re wearing, you’re never fully dressed without a smile. That being said, it’s not always easy to wake up and start your day with a positive attitude. Sometimes we have good reasons for being angry or unhappy. Sometimes we just plain don’t feel like waking up. Whatever the reason might be, starting off the day by screwing on the right head might not be easy, but it is important. 

Just like choosing the right accessory can significantly impact an outfit (in a good or a bad way), so can your attitude significantly impact your day. Overall, I think changing your attitude is the best thing you can do for your life, but looking at it as an overall lifestyle change can be really overwhelming at times. For that reason, it’s often a good idea to focus on changing your attitude on a day-to-day basis. Don’t think about changing your attitude forever. Think about changing it today. Think of it as an accessory – something you can put on now but take off later if you hate it. I guarantee that if you choose a happy mindset, you’ll see such great changes in your day that you’ll want to put on that happy head again the next day and, before you know it, your happy mindset will become your favorite accessory, like a comfy pair of tennis shoes or a cozy pair of mittens. Before you know it, you won’t want to take your happy head off, no matter what’s going on with the rest of your life. You’ll find a way – just like people often do with their favorite accessories – to wear your happy mindset with everything, to repair it when it gets worn down, to lend it to a friend in need. It will, in time, become your favorite thing and you will not be able to imagine what you ever wore before. 

Getting used to a new, positive mindset can be tricky so take it one day at a time. Wake up every morning and remind yourself that you’re going to choose to have a happy head. Get out of bed every day and tell yourself that, even if it’s just for today, you’re going to accessorize with happiness. Without even realizing it, if you choose happiness every day, your life’s wardrobe will become saturated with positivity and it will no longer feel like something you have to choose. Just like when you have a pair of shoes that you always go for because they are the most comfortable, your positive attitude will be so comfortable that you’ll grab it off the shelf without even thinking about it. 

So, go on, take a look in that closet of yours and choose happiness. Starting today, look in the mirror, and make the decision to beautify your life with positivity. If you make the choice every single day to put on your happy head, soon that positive mindset will be as comfortable and as familiar as your favorite accessory. 

How do you strive to make positivity your favorite accessory? 
What do you each morning to start your day off positively? 

3 steps to stay positive by living in the present

 (♥)
 
  

“The past is history, 
the future is a mystery, 
but today is a gift.
That’s why it’s called
the present.”

Unknown

While I'm recovering from my weekend away in South Carolina, today you have the privilege of a guest post by Greg Blencoe, a life coach who publishes the Positive Waves Baby blog. His blog focuses on better living through the law of attraction, spirituality, and self-improvement.  To learn more about Greg, you can visit the "100 Things about Me" page on his blog. Greg has found that a large portion of the negativity in his life was due to dwelling in the past or focusing on the future (me too, Greg!). He is most positive when living in the present, and has provided us with three great steps for staying positive by living in the present moment. 

Step 1: Let Go of the Past by Forgiving

I just turned 36 a little over a month ago. Fortunately, I am now emotionally clear with most of my issues from my past. However, well into my 30s, I was carrying around far too much heavy negative emotional baggage. As I’m writing this, it’s almost unbelievable that I harbored negative feelings about several issues for an entire decade or two. The amount of time that I completely wasted is almost unfathomable to me. And while I wouldn’t say that these negative feelings dominated my life, I am certain they held me back and kept me from realizing my full potential.

Around the time I turned 30, I started to realize that the more things I let go that were bothering me, the happier I became. While this definitely does not mean I stopped holding people accountable, I found that no problems were solved by my feeling this way. I was only hurting myself. Basically, over the past six years, I have learned to choose my battles.

Most (and perhaps all) of the time, the process of letting go of the past has involved either forgiving myself or forgiving others. I have had to forgive myself for feeling like I wasn’t good enough, poor decisions that I made, not standing up for what was right, etc. And although looking back in the grand scheme of things none of what happened would probably be considered a big deal by other people, it mattered a lot to me for many years so I had to come to terms with it.

I also had to forgive other people.  Actually, this might not be correct. In my situation, perhaps what I really had to do was forgive myself for the expectations that I put on these people. Looking back, the real problem was that I wanted various people to act a certain way and they didn’t. Therefore, I had to let go of the fantasy of what could of or should have been.

Step 2: Focus Less on the Future

Another significant source of negativity in my life is when I focus too much on the future. Let me say upfront that I am definitely an advocate of having goals, a vision of where you want to go, etc. I deeply believe that you must first create in your mind before it becomes true in the physical world. Therefore, I would classify focusing on the future in this way as very positive. On the other hand, I view the fear, worry, constantly playing out countless scenarios, etc. associated with excessively focusing on the future in a negative manner to be a big problem. 

Since I was 18, my life has taken so many unexpected twists and turns. A lot of this is just because of who I am.  I have really enjoyed moving around and being involved in various projects. However, life still has a way of surprising us which can make long-term planning a bit difficult. And today things seem to be changing at a much faster pace than before.

Just think about how much the world has changed in the past five years. Where were blogs, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, text messages, etc. just five years ago?  And yet now they are a huge part of our lives.  I can only imagine what technologies will revolutionize our lives in 2015 that either haven’t been invented or most of us don’t even know exist right now. 

Therefore, with so many variables, focusing too much on the future seems like a waste of time and energy. This is especially true when excessive worry and fear is involved. At some point, you are much better off focusing on taking action to prevent what you are worried about or fear happening in the future.

Step 3: Have a “Dominate the Day” Mindset

While I always learn from the past and have a general idea of where I’m going in the future, my main focus is on living in the present. And I do this by having a “Dominate the Day” mindset. To be completely honest, I adopted this mindset out of frustration. I am the type of person that can play out countless future scenarios in my head.  While a little bit of this is necessary and productive, too much inevitably leads to unproductive worry and fear. I got so tired of making frequent trips to negative town that I decided to adopt the “Dominate the Day” mindset.

The idea is that I almost completely focus on what I can do that day in order to accomplish my longer-term goals. I do my best to not worry about tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year. Instead, I focus on doing everything I can that day to get where I want to be. While this may sound strange, it’s almost like life is a video game and I’m trying to get the highest score that I can on that day. And then I get up the next day and do it again. It has been very liberating to free myself of worrying too much about the future.

I want to make it very clear that I’m not saying that never thinking about the future is the right way to go. The purpose is to eliminate an unproductive focus on the future. While this will vary from person to person, I would guess that 80% of the time I used to spend thinking about the future was at the very least unproductive and, more likely, counterproductive. The point is to instead utilize this time much more effectively by taking productive action.

Final Thought

The strategy behind the “Dominate the Day” mindset comes from something a good friend of mine once told me: “When you take care of the minutes, the hours take care of themselves.”

This post was written by Greg Blencoe, a life coach who publishes the Positive Waves Baby blog, which discusses better living through the law of attraction, spirituality, and self-improvement. Check out his site for more great insights!