positively present

seeing the small: how to look for the little things

(♥)

Over the weekend I checked out an art exhibit featuring miniature art. All of the paintings and sculptures were miniature -- no bigger than my hand -- and they were beautiful. They were also quite impressive. How people can paint such tiny, tiny canvases is beyond me. As a walked through the exhibit, surprised by the details and inspired by those who painted them, I began to think about the little things in life that often go unnoticed. Should one of those beautiful paintings be placed in a typical art gallery, it might go unnoticed, dwarfed by the scale of the typical paintings hanging beside it.

Likewise, surrounded by all of the big things in life, the tiny things around us often go unnoticed. For the past 28 days I've been snapping photos of the world around me for the Positively Present 30 Day Photo Challenge. Most of the photos I took were of the big things -- the obvious ins and outs of daily life -- and it felt good to be noticing things. In the rush of every day, it felt good to be paying attention to something, anything. 

But after seeing that exhibit this weekend, I realize that I'm still missing out on some of the best things in life: the little things. How often do I look down to see what's on the ground? How often to I look closely at something I love -- a book, a painting, a person -- and really see the little things in it? The soft pages of a book, the brush strokes on canvas, the curve of a loved one's eyelashes? Not often enough, I'd say. 

Life is short and I don't want to miss out on any of it. So I'm going to commit to looking at the little things in life -- both through the lens of my camera and through my unfiltered eyes. I'm going to commit to looking for the tiny changes, the small details, the little ways the world is shaped by almost imperceptible elements. But I know it's going to take some practice. Being present is tough enough and looking for the little details will kick the difficulty level up a notch. Here are some of the ways I'm going to learn to look for the little things: 

 

25 Ways to Look for the Little Things

1. Study the lines on the face of someone you love.

2. Watch the sidewalk when you walk.

3. Look closely at the cover of your favorite book.

4. Examine the brush strokes on a painting. 

5. Check out the background of a photo. 

6. Pick up a fallen leaf and study its color and shape. 

7. Pause your favorite scene in a movie and look closer. 

8. Look at the details on the font of your favorite website. 

9. Seek out one little thing you love about your home. 

10. Study your face in the mirror (positively please!). 

11. Find a pattern you like and look at the details. 

12. Compare two versions of your favorite color. 

13. Look at the various colors in a clouded sky (it's not just gray!). 

14. Check out the design of a box (cereal, moving, etc.).

15. Study the patterns raindrops make on your window. 

16. Watch the way snowflakes land on a hard surface. 

17. Check out the people on the sidelines during a big game. 

18. Look up and see what's above you right now. 

19. Find out the years on the coins in your pocket / purse. 

20. Contemplate the color on the walls you pass. 

21. Study the shape of your favorite number. 

22. Print out a quote you love and memorize the words. 

23. Look at shadows cast at various times of the day. 

24. Watch the way your hands move when you're typing. 

25. Study the way lamps light up a room. 

 

Those are just a few suggestions to get me started. Like most things, I think the more I practice looking for the little things, the easier it will get. Just like being present in a general sense, being present to the little things in life is a great way to live a more positive life. Focusing on what's all around you -- what's happening in this moment -- allows us to live our lives more fully without worrying about the future or dwelling on the past. Don't forget to look for the little things. After all, it's all of those little things that add up to the big picture of your life. 

 

Participating in the 30 Day Photo Challenge?

I'm going to be wrapping up my 30 days this week,
but feel free to join the Photo Challenge any time!
You can check out the Positively Present photos on Flickr,
join the Positively Present Photo Challenge Flickr group,
and share your photos on Twitter or Instagram using #PPphoto. 

 

slow down: learning to accept others as they are

(♥)

This morning I started reading Wonderland: The Zen of Alice. As I was walking my dog and reading (my dog-walking MO), these lines jumped off the page and made me stop in my tracks: 

"Most of us are like Alice, trying to get others to make sense (by our definition) and to do things that make us happy. I need to remind myself of this daily: The point of everybody else's life is not to make me happy. What would your relationships be like if you accepted the people around you exactly as they are?" 

It seems so obvious: of course everyone else isn't here to make me happy. But do I really believe that? How often do I find myself annoyed by someone else's behavior? How often do I judge people for not being like me? I'd like to think of myself as a open-minded, accepting person, but when I stop and think about it -- as I literally did this morning on the sidewalk, confusing poor little Bella who tugged at her leash -- I realize that I'm not as accepting of others as I would like to believe. And, as a result, I make myself (and them) unhappy in my lack of acceptance. 

Sure, I'm tolerant in the politically correct way that many people are today. I strive not to judge people on race, religion, ethnicity, sexual preference, etc. But when I think about the people closest to me and the way I react to them sometimes, I realize that I'm not exactly the embodiment of acceptance, a fact that I'm a bit ashamed to admit. Whether it's getting annoyed at a coworker for playing his music loudly in the office or getting frustrated with my sister for always being late, I'm frequently in positions where my expectations of what others should be doing cause me not to accept others for who they are. 

Hurry Up: An Example of Non-Acceptance

My boyfriend is a laid-back guy (who I am incredibly lucky to have and am missing terribly right now since he's been on a week-long business trip). I, on the other hand, am not so easygoing. I generally move as quickly as possible from one place to another. I walk quickly, talk quickly, complete tasks quickly. I act as if I am in extreme hurry, no matter what the situation might be. As a result of our difference paces, I often get exasperated with my boyfriend's slower pace, holding my hand out to him like he's a small child, jokingly saying, "Hurry up, Pokey!" (a nickname for slow poke). He, on the other hand, has never once told me to slow down. He accepts me for what I am -- quick talking, quick walking girl who acts like her entire life is an emergency fire drill. 

When I think about my behavior objectively, I am a bit shocked. It's not acceptable; it's not accepting. It's an all-too-obvious example of me thinking that my way of doing things -- the quick, speedy way -- is the best way. And whether or not it's the best way (and it's probably not, especially for someone who wants to be more present), it doesn't matter. What matters is that I, like so many people, assume that what I'm doing is right and what someone else is doing is wrong. Clearly this is something I need to work on -- and not just with my boyfriend. Upon further reflection, I realize that this my-way-is-best attitude permeates a lot of aspects of my life including relationships with friends, family, and coworkers. 

In theory, believing the idea that everyone is here to serve my personal happiness sounds almost insane, but it seems like I might have been living with that belief tucked in my back pocket. As the example above shows, I'm not only hurting others by not accepting them as they are, but I'm hurting myself as well. Though "Pokey" might not love his nickname, he shrugs it off with a laugh, unruffled by my impatience. I, on the other hand, remain annoyed that he's not moving faster, causing myself unnecessary stress and further removing myself from living a positive, present life. 

So what's a non-accepting girl like me to do? To live a more positive and present life, to increase my happiness and the happiness of others, I better start accepting others ASAP. Here's how I'm going to get started. 

6 Ways To Accept Others As They Are

• Watch your thoughts. Think about what you're thinking about. I often think things about other people, judging them, without even realizing it. I'm going to work on paying more attention to my thoughts and do my best to push them in a non-judgmental, more accepting direction. 
   
• Look for the positive. Not accepting others is a result of seeing the negative in them. Instead of focusing on why someone is different, I'm going to focus on what's good about that person and his/her choices and actions. My way is not always the best one. 
  
  
• Avoid right/wrong dichotomies. It's very tempting to see the world in black and white with a right and wrong way to do things, but that's just not how it is. Things don't have to be right or wrong if I choose to accept them as they are. I'm going to stop labeling my way as "right." 
  
  
• Stop judging yourself. Our judgments of others are often a result of our personal criticisms. If I stop putting pressure on myself to do things the "right" way, I'll also stop putting pressure on others as well. Not judging myself or others is a crucial step to acceptance.
  
  
• Focus on the now. A lack of acceptance can generate from comparing things to the past. I'm not going to think about what happened before and try to live accordingly; I'm going to think about now. Comparing things to the past always hinders an acceptance of what is.  
  
  
• Reverse the situation. I ask myself: What if someone were judging me and not accepting me? How would I feel? I'll keep these questions in mind the next time I'm not accepting others. I will imagine someone constantly telling me to slow down (and how annoying that would be!). 

Clearly I have a lot of work to do when it comes to accepting others -- especially those closest to me. It's so easy to abstractly think of yourself as an accepting person, but when it comes to your daily interactions, really pay attention to them and ask yourself if you are accepting others as they are. Are you really accepting them? Are you really not thinking your way of doing things is the best way? If you find that you're not as accepting of others as you'd like to be, think about the six ideas above and see if they don't help you to be a more accepting, more loving person. And remember: the only way to live a positive and present life is to accept what is, something you certainly can't do if you don't accept others for who they are.

Participating in the 30 Day Photo Challenge?

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Join the Positively Present Photo Challenge Flickr group. 
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sunday funday!: high school quiz time

(♥)

 

Normally Sunday's on Positively Present are reserved for my "Words to Live By" section that features my favorite quotes and songs, but this week I was inspired by a post on Tumblr to try something a little different. When I was in high school, there was a phase when people would email a list of questions to their friends. Everyone would answer them and it was really fun not only to see others' answers, but to spend time thinking about your own. Apparently this is still a fun thing to do for high-schoolers. I spotted one of these "quizzes" online this week, answered the questions as I read them, and realized that it was a great way to take a pause in my day. Oddly enough, taking the quiz helped me feel more present, as I was really in the moment and giving thought to my responses. It also brought me back to my high school days, making me ponder what my answers might have been then. I thought it would be fun to create a quiz of my own. Feel free to share your answers in the comment section -- or just read and answer to yourself. 

 

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

4. Are you easy to get along with?

5. Have you ever given up on someone?

6. Do you enjoy school/work?

7. What person do you think about most often?

8. What does your most recent text say?

9. Who did you last speak with for over 30 minutes?

10. Do you believe in good luck?

11. How do you feel in a big crowd of people?

12. What was the best thing that happened this summer?

13. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

14. Do you think there is life on other planets?

15. Do you still think about your first crush/love?

16. What bad habits do you wish you could break?

17. What's the first thing you do when you wake up?

18. Did you dream last night? About what?

19. Who is the most comfortable person to be around? 

20. What made you happy today?

21. Which celebrity would you want to date and why?

22. Do you enjoy playing sports?

23. When was the last time you wrote a thank you note?

24. Would you rather live without TV or music?

25. Are you currently keeping a secret from someone?

26. Do you think age matters?

27. What was the last store you went into?

28. What is your dream job?

29. Do you believe in second chances?

30. Do you smile at strangers?

31. Is your voice quiet or loud?

32. Would you rather go to space or to the bottom of the ocean?

33. What are you most afraid of?

34. What is the nicest thing someone ever said to you?

35. Have you done anything you hope no one ever knows about?

36. If you could write a book, what would it be about?

37. Do you enjoy bubble baths? 

38. How would you describe your perfect day? 

39. Would you rather lose your vision or your hearing? 

40. What astrological sign are you? 

41. Do you know the meaning of your name? 

42. Do you prefer indoors or outdoors? 

43. What was the name of your first pet? 

44. Do you have a crush on someone right now? 

45. Where would you travel if you could go anywhere? 

46. What do you do during an awkward silence? 

47. What part of your body do you love most? 

48. Who did you last say "I love you" to? 

49. Did you make your bed this morning? 

50. Are you who you want to be? 

 

Most of these questions are things we don't think about that often and, for me, it's helpful to sometimes actually think about the little things -- and the big picture things -- at the same time. I used to really enjoy these quiz thingys in high school, and I actually enjoyed it just as much now. Give it a try and see if it doesn't make you think about things a little bit differently! 

finding the magic in the mundane

(♥)

 

Let's face it -- life can be mundane sometimes. There's the day in, day out shuffle of work or school or whatever else it is you do on a daily basis and no matter what you do to try to spice things up, things will probably start to feel boring at some point. The other day on Tumblr (Happily Ever After Now) I spotted this intriguing photograph created by Amanda Mabel and it got me to thinking: why can't I find more magic in the mundane? I ask this question not in the sense of why doesn't the magic exist, but in the sense of why can't I personally find the magic that's already there. 

Of this photo, Amanda writes: 

Sometimes I wonder if I'm strange. I love looking at ordinary things and making it into a complex world full of magic and beauty. The thought of creating worlds fascinate me; it's like exploring someplace which you will never get the chance to go to in reality. For this place, I think of foggy forests shrouded in darkness. Misty trees leading on, and on, entangling into deeper echelons of fear and mystery. When you tilt your head up, you see a hauntingly beautiful full moon; faintly glimmering stars; birds crying in the cold breeze and wisps of clouds in a pale haze. Everything is enchanting but eerie, a dark fairytale of whispered hisses and glowing eyes. You're running downwards, bare feet being scratched by thorns and branches, body seeming to defy gravity in a sort of spiralling fall. But you don't know where you're going to end up. 

Reading those words and seeing her image reminds me that there are people out there that see the magic in every day things, that can take a photo of a steaming cup and create an entire story behind it. And I'm not just talking about magic like this -- an image that literally looks magical -- I'm talking about finding magic, excitement in the mundane things in your life. This is no easy feat, I know. Finding magic in the mundane is quite a difficult task. To motivate yourself to look for the magic when you're bored or unimpressed is taxing. 

Magic is one of those things that often seems either unbelievable or completely out of our grasp. It something that often appears to be beyond us, something we cannot see or touch. Lately I’ve begun to realize that’s just not true. Magic is all around us—something we can find and us to create more interesting and exciting lives. Life is too short to merely coast through it. It’s up to find—and create—a world of magic. What exactly do I mean by a world of magic? I don’t mean the stuff of fairy tales and witchcraft; no, I mean the magic of living a life that makes you feel incredibly happy and fulfilled. Real magic.

What's "real magic," you ask? There are many definitions for the word magic, but my personal favorite -- and the one I'm talking about here -- is "a feeling of enchantment." How many of you feel enchanted right now? How many of you are sitting there, looking at your surroundings, and thinking "This is such an enchanted place."? Probably not too many of you (and lucky you if you're one of the few that is feeling enchanted right now!). 

But why aren't we enchanted with our own magical lives? Why aren't we seeing the magic in everything around us? Because it's hard, that's why. There's a lot in this world that tries to bring us down, that tries to bring us down to earth. 

 

How to Find the Magic in the Mundane

Open your mind up to the possibility of magic. 

Keep your mind open when it comes to looking for magic in your own life. Don't rule out the fact that even the most mundane activity can be magical. That drive to work not leaving feeling spellbound? Switch up your route and pay attention to the new things you see. Or offer to give someone else a ride and get a new perspective on your surroundings. Magic is all around you if you just open your eyes and look around. 

Seek out magic in every situation.

So you've opened your eyes and been unable to see magic in your everyday surroundings? Don't worry -- this is more common than you think. Sometimes it takes a new experience, environment, etc. to help us find the magic in our lives. Go somewhere new. Look around. Pay close attention. And look for the little things. If you make the effort to find magic in the world, you will be certain to discover it.  

Stay focused on the present moment.

One of the biggest reasons we don't all see more magic in our lives is because we're not present. Just yesterday I realized that, if someone asked me what color the fence outside my place is I wouldn't have been able to answer that question. I don't pay enough attention to my surroundings and, as a result, I'm missing all of the magic. Every moment is filled with a bit of magic. Be present if you want to be enchanted.

Use your imagination and creativity.

People who are unimaginative are never going to see the magic in a cup of tea or changing of leaves from green to yellow. And that's okay. Some people don't want to see the magic in life -- but if you're the type that wants to, you've got to open your mind up to a more creative way of viewing the world. Is there really magic in a friend's laughter? Yes. Is there really magic in a rain-soaked morning? Yes. It's there, but you must be willing to create and imagine it.  

See life from a new perspective.

You know how you feel when you watch a film or read a book filled with magic? You're in awe at the types of things someone has come up with in her/his mind. Now think about what it would be like to describe things about our lives -- the Internet, the airplanes, the amazing feats humans accomplish -- to someone(thing?) not familiar with the world. Yes, it might be science and fact, but through the eyes of someone else, it would seem like magic. 

That last point reminded me of another way to see the world filled with magic: imagine it through the eyes of a child. Kids don't know about electrons and gravity and mathematical formulas. They see a plane in the sky and are amazed. They see the leaves miraculously changing colors and they are awed. They hear a catchy tune on the radio and cannot help but sing along. They gobble up a plate of mac-and-cheese like it came from a five-star restaurant. Kids get the concept of magic. They see it in everything because everything is new to them. And that's what magic really is about -- finding the newness, the excitement. It's about being open to enchanted, about being willing to become bewitched by our own mundane lives.

For some, this may sound silly. You might say, "I already know how gravity works, why the leaves change in the fall, or how a computer works. Seeing the magic in these things is stupid." I get that. I really do. I see how silly it might sound -- me, a grown woman, exclaiming, "Find the magic!" But, to be completely honest with you, I've found that I'm a lot more positive -- and more present -- when I'm looking for the magic in my life. When I stare in amazement at the changing of seasons or think it's pretty amazing that I have an animal in my house -- another species! -- that I truly connect with, I feel excited about life. I feel like I cannot wait to see what else I'll uncover in this crazy world. And, to me, that feeling of wonder is worth the silliness that comes with claiming that I'm striving, every day, to find the magic in the mundane. 

to live your life you must face your death

 (♥)

 

Where I'm from, October is a month, like it or not, in which we're surrounded by thoughts of death. If you live in a place that celebrates Halloween and/or in a place where the entire world around you is turning from the florescent green of summer to the rainbowed hues of leaves dying and flowers decaying, you're presented a great deal with thoughts of death. Even if you're not in a place that celebrates Halloween or is facing the death of summer, you probably encounter the concept of death in media and in your personal life (though hopefully not too often). October has always been my favorite month, but I can't say that I love being reminded of death on a daily basis. Horror movie previews, skeleton decorations, reading The Adults (a great book by the way) -- all of these things make ignoring death a little harder this month. 

Facing the Certainty of Death

The other night I was lying in bed, just about to drift off to sleep and feeling particularly blissful, when I felt the gripping panic that comes with these thoughts: "This is all going to be gone someday. I am going to die and I am never again going to see the people I love or experience all of the amazing things about life that I take for granted on a daily basis." If you've ever thought some thing along those lines, you've probably experienced that tight-chested, oh-my-god experience of panic that seems, momentarily, to be uncontrollable. With most moments of panic, I am able to reassure myself with calming, positive thoughts, reminding myself to focus on the good. But when you are happy, nothing good can come from the notion of knowing you're going to die. 

As I was lying there in bed, wondering how to cope with the idea that I'm going to die someday (and other people I love will too) and everything I love will no longer be as it is, I'm reminded of a scene from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (to watch the scene, click here and scroll to minute 1:37 of the clip): 

Clementine: This is it, Joel. It's going to be gone soon.
Joel: I know.
Clementine: What do we do?
Joel: Enjoy it.  

In the scene, they weren't (necessarily) talking about death, but when I think about that moment in the film, that's what comes to mind. It makes me realize that, whether I like it or not, this life is going to be gone at some point. It's a thought that sometimes haunts me, sometimes makes me feel less-than-positive. I find myself like Clementine, wondering: "What do we do?" I find myself sometimes wanting to shake up my entire life, taking everything apart so that it will feel more alive. Because far too often, I find myself going through the motions of living rather than really living.

It's usually as I'm about to drift off to sleep that the notion of death -- and of really living -- creeps into my mind. Maybe it's thinking back on my day and really evaluating what I did (or didn't) do. Maybe it's just the nighttime and the death-like quality of darkness and silence. Maybe it's the coffin-esque quality of facing the ceiling, eyes closed, hands folded. Maybe it's The Adults resting on my nightstand, a suicide inked within its pages. Whatever it is, I find that lying in bed makes me the most conscious of death and, as a result, I become much more conscious of living.

 

Using Death to Enjoy Life

For some people, the notion of death is not at all scary. For some, it's even something to look forward to -- something better than the life they are currently leading. For me, death is the end. A fact that makes me realize how important it is to make the most of the now, to live -- really live -- in the moments that make up my life. I use the notion of death not to dwell on the shortness of life or bemoan the inevitable end, but instead to motivate myself to life more fully, to embrace each and every day as if it were my last. 

In my teens and early twenties, I used to spend a great deal of time absorbed in the negative aspects of death: the ending, the nothingness, the perfect excuse to not care about anything. But now I see that ending point as a motivator. When the notion of death creeps into my mind now, it is followed by the questions: If not now, then when? If I don't live life now, when will I live it? 

If, like me, you've ever used the inevitability of death as an excuse to give up, to think this life doesn't matter, try to reframe your thinking to use death as a motivator. You will -- we all will -- die. There's nothing we can do about that. What we can do something about is living our lives to the fullest. To help us remember that, I've come up with some questions I'm going to ponder today. Giving thought to these will remind me that facing death is actually one of the best ways to enjoy life. To use death to enjoy your life, ask yourself: 

What would I do today if I knew it was my last day?
Can I do any of those things today?  

 
Am I actually living or just going through the motions? 
How can I really start living instead of just being? 

What do I want to accomplish before I die? 
Am I on the path to accomplishing it?

How do I want to be remembered when I'm gone?
Am I acting like the person I want to be remembered as?  

Am I taking all of the chances I should be in this life?
What's holding me back and how can I stop it from doing so? 

 

Thinking about these questions -- even briefly -- has reminded me how the concept of death, of the end of our lives, can really serve as a positive motivator for making the most out of every single day. Thinking about death can be a very scary thing, but avoiding the fear doesn't make the idea of death go away. You can ignore it if you want, but the fact is: it's going to happen. Accepting that is crucial because it causes you to ask yourself, as Mary Oliver did in her poem "The Summer Day": 

Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
With your one wild and precious life?