positively present

h is for happy: benefiting from a happiness project

 (♥)
 

"There is no duty we so much as underrate as the duty of being happy."

Robert Louis Stevenson

Monday night I went to a book signing for Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project. After over a year of reading Gretchen's blog -- also titled The Happiness Project -- communicating with Gretchen via email (she was so helpful when I first started this blog and had tons of questions), and anticipating the arrival of Gretchen's book, it was great to finally meet the creator of the blog and author of the book in person. It's pretty cool when you get to meet someone in person who has inspired you (for more on how I was inspired, check out one of my very first posts, "Inspiration: The Happiness Project") and I'm very grateful for the opportunity to do that and to reflect on it in this post. Without Gretchen's inspiration, I'm pretty sure there would be no Positively Present, a thought I cannot even fathom now that I've grown so attached to my beloved blog.

Shortly before attending the book signing, I discovered that this week is the 9th Annual Hunt for Happiness Week, and what could have been better than to hunt for happiness in Gretchen's The Happiness Project? (To read more about Hunt for Happiness week, click here and don't forget to check out the 31 Types of Happiness.) I decided to take another look at Gretchen's book and pick out all of the things that really stuck out to me, the things that made me realizing that I was, in fact, benefiting from her happiness project. Over the past year I've learned a lot about happiness from Gretchen's blog posts and it was great to have all of that information in hand, in a neatly organized book form. With the book, I could easily flip through the pages and find all of the underlined passages, all of the places Gretchen's words (or the words of others, quoted by Gretchen) had truly spoken to me.

Since it would probably take a long, long time to go through all of my favorite lines in the book, I've decided to highlight a few of the messages that really stuck out to me when reading The Happiness Project. Many of these points I'd read about before on Gretchen's blog, but something about holding them in my hand and seeing them in the pages of her (very popular!) book made them seem more real and made me realize how truly important they are. Reading the blog and book have been very useful for me, and I've benefited a great deal from being exposed to Gretchen's insights. Here are a few of my favorites, the ones I feel like I benefited from most:

The Best of The Happiness Project

"To be happy, I need to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right in an atmosphere of growth."

This is one of Gretchen's key points and she comes back to it over and over again in her book and on her blog. I think about this and I realize that it's really important. When you're working on your own happiness project (as I am, in a way, through this blog), it's essential to understand what makes you feel good, what makes you feel bad, and what makes you feel right. These sound like such basic things, but, really, most of us don't think all that much about them. One thing I've learned from being in therapy over the past year is to really pay attention to my body. When I find that I'm angry or irritated, I start thinking about my body and often find that there are external factors that are making me feel even more aggravated (like being cold or hungry) and these are things I can change. Recognizing what makes me feel bad --such as being too hungry -- helps me to make myself feel better by, for example, taking a break from what I'm working on a grabbing a snack. This is a small example, but it really goes to show that simply paying attention to what makes us feel good and bad can make a huge difference in our lives. In addition, I really got a lot out of what Gretchen wrote about "an atmosphere of growth." Learning and growing are things that have always been important to me, but it wasn't until recently that I realized just how important they are when it comes to having a happiness project. Growth can be scary at times, but it really is an important aspect of living a positive life.


"But the fact is, you can't change anyone but yourself."

It's hard for a lot of people to realize this one, but it's so, so true. It's often very tempting to believe that we can change others. After all, sometimes we can make subtle differences that make it seem as if we're changing them. However, over the past year, as I've done quite a bit of changing, I've really come to realize that, contrary to what I might want to believe sometimes, you really can't change anyone but yourself. And I've found that that can be one of the most frustrating things about having happiness project (or even simply being invested in personal development): no matter how much you change, that doesn't mean those around you are going to change. Likewise, no matter how much you choose to focus on happiness and positivity, it doesn't mean those around you will do the same. What it really comes down to is acceptance. You have to accept others for who they are and you have to surround yourself with people who accept you for who you are. Through the various interviews and blog posts on Gretchen's site, I've learned a lot about different people think about happiness. Happiness can be a very unique thing and what makes one person happy might not make another person happy. While a happiness project can be a great thing, filled with tons of benefits, it can also be really hard to make changes in your life when those around you aren't at all interested in making them. It's tempting to want to change other people, even to think you know it would be best for them to change, but, as Gretchen said, you really can't change anyone but yourself.

"One reason that challenge brings happiness is that is allows you to expand your self-definition. You become larger." 

About a year ago when I really started thinking about happiness (and how unhappy I was), I found that, as Gretchen suggests, my self-definition really did change. I was turning into someone else, and, as the quote above says, I found that I was becoming larger. I was beginning to see the world from different angles and to understand that happiness and positivity were based on a variety of factors, some of which were out of my control. While I desired to be happy, I also recognized that it presented a really big challenge for me. Undertaking the challenge was, in and of itself, an act that caused me to growth and expand as a person. Now that I'm here, nearly a year after starting this blog, I realize that who I am has changed significantly. The way I define myself -- my self-definition -- has shifted and I have begun not only to think of myself differently, but to see the world and others through a new perspective as well. Because I really work on being happier (and, yes, it's a lot of hard work!), I don't take my happiness for granted. I see it as a part of who I am, but also as something separate from myself, something that I've worked hard to achieve. Over the past year, I've most certainly become a larger person. My view of the world is bigger and it's growing every day. One of the greatest benefits of having a happiness project is that I'm constantly challenging myself and urging myself to see the good in situations I normally would see as negative (see Monday's post). I've grown more in the past year than I can ever remember growing and I think a great deal of that has to do with my desire to live a more positive lifestyle.

"Experts say that denying bad feelings intensifies them; acknowledging bad feelings allows good feelings to return." 

On Positively Present, I write a lot about positivity and how to focus on it. However, as Gretchen mentioned in her book, it's not healthy to focus only on the positive things in life. Ignoring the negative or bad things in life is not a good strategy because, as anyone who has tried this already knows (or will soon find out), those negative things always resurface if not dealt with properly. Right now I'm reading about this concept in Positivity: Top-Notch Research Reveals the 3 to 1 Ratio That Will Change Your Life, and it really highlights the idea that Gretchen brings up here: you cannot focus only on the good things. As nice as it seems that would be, positivity and happiness don't work that way. If you focus only the good things, you're denying the bad things and, as research has shown, this only intensifies them. When I first started thinking about positivity and how I wanted more of it in my life, my initial react was to push all of the bad thoughts away. Of course, this didn't go over so well and, not surprisingly, they quickly crept back to the surface, intensified by my determined avoidance. Now I see that it's so important to deal with the bad feelings and situations. Sometimes it really isn't pleasant and I'd much rather be sweeping them under the rug and plastering a smile to my face, but I always feel a lot better when I deal with the negative. I feel much more positive when I take care of the dealing with the bad things and that positivity gives me a big boost when it comes to facing the good things in my life.


"Act the way I want to feel." 

This quote is symbolic of one of the greatest benefits I've received from reading Gretchen's blog and the book The Happiness Project. I've always thought to myself that if you are acting a way you're not feeling than you're simply faking it and I've always wondered what the point of that would be. Why fake it? I used to ask myself when I was sinking into an irritated funk. I used to rationalize that it was just best to be who I was and not to play any games with my emotions. While it made sense to me at that time, I now realize that that's not the best plan of attack. According to Gretchen (and, as I've discovered myself from giving it a try), when you act the way you want to feel, you actually start to feel that way. If I find myself slipping into a bad mood, I do my best to act happy and, you know what? I actually find that I am happier. This sounds like it might contradict the earlier point of ignoring bad feelings, but it actually works with it. While it's not a good idea to ignore your negative emotions, there are often times when dwelling on them doesn't do any good. If you find yourself in a bad mood and you think to yourself, "I really want to be happy right now," start acting as if you're happy. You may still have issues to deal with (such as why it is that you've found yourself in a bad mood), but having a happy attitude will make dealing with any negative situation a lot more pleasant. And if being happy is too much for you, just try being positive and looking for the good in the situation. Whenever I look for the good in a bad situation (and, yep, this can take a lot of effort on my part sometimes), I instantly feel better. It might sound silly or as if wouldn't work, but I swear that when I start acting the way I want to feel, I actually start feeling that way.


"One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy. One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself."

When I read this is feels a bit like a tongue-twister for my mind. I have to be happy to make other people happy? But making other people happy will make me happy? I have to admit that the first time I read this it felt a little bit of chicken-and-the-egg syndrome. Which comes first? Making other other people happy? Or making myself happy so that I can then make other people happy? Personally, I think they go hand-in-hand. When I first started working on my own version of a happiness project, I admittedly was a bit self-absorbed. I was intent on finding all of the ways I could make myself happier and live a more positive life. When I read this line one day on Gretchen's blog, it was a real eye-opener for me. I realized that, while it was very important to focus on my own happiness and figure out what would make my life more positive, it was equally as important to make other people as well. I began doing what I could to spread positivity and to share what I was learning about happiness with others. One of the ways I began working on sharing my happiness was through my blog. My experience with blogging mirrors Gretchen's, which she wrote about in her book: "My blog gave me a new identity, new skills, a new set of colleagues, and a way to connect with people who shared my interest. I'd expanded my vision of the kind of writer I could be. I had become a blogger." In becoming a blogger, I had made myself happier and I'd found a way to share my experiences with positivity with others.

As you can see, there are some great points about happiness made in Gretchen's book The Happiness Project. Over the past year I've learned a great deal not only about Gretchen's happiness project, but about what it means to have a focus on happiness, to have a happiness project of my own. What's so great about the happiness project idea is that everyone's happiness project can be (and probably should be!) unique. Gretchen's always making the point on her blog (and in the book) that happiness is different for everyone. What makes one person happy won't necessarily make another person happy. Once we realize this and begin focusing on increasing our own personal happiness, it becomes clear that we all have the ability to have a happiness project that is a perfect fit for us.

Personally, I find that focusing on living positively in the present moment is something that works best for me. That underlying principle is put to work in my blog, in my daily interacts with others, and in a number of other creative avenues that help me to create a happier environment for myself. Would I say that having a unique, tailored happiness project of my own has brought me many, many benefits that outweigh all of the hard work I put in? Hell yeah! Having a happiness project -- a focus on how I can make my life and the lives of those around me better -- has changed my life in more ways than I can even begin to state. And it's amazing to consider the ripple effect of a happiness project. After reading about what Gretchen was doing on her site, The Happiness Project, I was inspired to create a site of my own that would focus on my own personal journey toward a more positive life. And who knows? Maybe someone reading this post today will be inspired and another happiness project will begin...

Do you have a happiness project of your own?
If so, what is it and how to do you benefit from it?

guest post: 28 steps to a positive & successful life

 
(♥)
 
 

As a reminder, I'm on a business trip (oh what fun!) until January 18th. In the meantime, I have some great guest posts to share with you... Today's post was written by Tess, author and creator of one of my favorite sites, The Bold Life. Whenever I visit her website, I leave feeling inspired. One of my favorite things about Tess's site is the warning that appears at the top of the page. It reads: "Warning! My blog will challenge you to be more, give more, live fearlessly, take more chances and show up in the world unstoppable, daring and bold." The first time I visited her site and checked that out, I was hooked! Be sure to check her out if you haven't already!


When we live with positive attitudes we touch not only the people around us in a good way but the entire world. Like a pebble tossed in a pond the ripple effect is endless. Knowing we all have that much power let’s take our positive presence up a notch or two and make a dynamic difference in the lives of everyone! The following methods will help you do so:

 

1. Do things that make you happy. Make a list of activities you enjoy doing. Include them regularly throughout the week. Spend time with people you enjoy. Eat foods you love. Wear clothes that fit you and your style. Become interested in other people, places and things.
   
   
2. Schedule downtime. Rejuvenate, relax and breathe deeply. When we take time to contemplate life and slow down we are tempted to think we are wasting time or not doing enough. The opposite is true. The mental and physical rewards of down time will help you shine in all other areas. Remember the turtle and the hare!
   
   
3. Surround yourself with positive things. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I fill my office with meaning full reminders including favorite photos, posters, books and meaningful stone and shells. I also have magazine and newspaper articles I've had published in frames. My home is filled only with things that are useful or beautiful. I don’t have time in my life for clutter or stuff. My time and energy is better spent on being fully alive.
   
   
4. Plan, plan and plan. Having a plan that will lead you to your dreams will increase your positivity and productivity. Create your long term goals and do three things daily to move towards them. One focused step at a time will get you there.
   
   
5. Be generous. Share daily. Leave generous tips. You will put a smile on the servers face and it will affect the next table. Give others the benefit of the doubt. Encourage others. Help someone succeed. Help others get what you want. Share your wisdom. You have so much to give and what you have will come back tenfold.
   
   
6. Become an early riser. Create the habit of getting up one hour earlier. You can use this as "me time" to pray, meditate and get prepared for your day.
   
   
7. Turn your car into a university. You can educate yourself with Pod casts and CDs on your niche. Listen to spiritual speakers for inspiration. You can even learn a new language during your commute.
   
   
8. Create a support system. Create a dream team of others who are going for their dreams. Meet regularly to share your successes and your problems. Be there for each other. Celebrate your progress.
   
   
9. Eliminate something negative. Stop one bad habit. If you are always late commit to being on time. If you eat junk food, add one new fruit to your diet. If you have debt, begin saving your change at the end of each day.
   
   
10. Be yourself. “I'd rather be hated for being myself than loved for being someone I'm not.”  Authenticity will make you glow. It will increase your self-love and create stability in your life. You are unique, worthy and we need you to do your part.
    
    
11. Let go of judgment. When we judge another it's a reflection of ourselves. Put yourself in another's shoes. We are all doing the best we know how to do. When we know better we do better. (Louise Hay)
    
    
12. Don't compare. It's easy to become envious of someone else's success. Most of us want more readers, comments, tweets and better statistics. You have no idea what someone else has gone through or done to get to where they are today. When you see someone doing well, bless them, praise them and congratulate them. Chances are their success is making the world a better place. Keep doing what you're good at.  Rejoice that you've touched others and made a difference in their lives. We are each playing our own part in the world. I can't do your part and you can't do mine. Yet we are all pieces of one giant puzzle.
    
    
13. Limit your TV time. Instead spend quality time with family and friends. Begin a new project. Help someone. Get physical. Go to the theater. Listen to music. Dance. Play board games. Communicate face to face. Touch, hug and enjoy the company of others.
    
    
14. Limit your computer time. How much time to you spend with your family and friends (face to face) compared to how much time you spend on line?  If you want an honest answer ask you family and friends if they feel neglected. It's all about balance.
    
    
15. Use positive language. Avoid telling yourself and others something can't be done. Eliminate 'never,' 'can't,' 'won't,' 'always,' 'should,' and 'maybe.' Instead use these sentences: What can I do for you? Please. Thank you. You betcha! I'm on your side. I'm here for you. I'll find a way. Become aware of speaking negatively about anyone or anything.
    
    
16. Be flexible. Know the unexpected will happen. Your car won't start, a loved one will die, or you will lose your job. Learn to cope in difficult times. Be willing and open to change. Know this too shall pass.
    
    
17. Drop your someday syndrome. Take a risk. Begin a new business. Go to a concert. Take a trip. Visit a far away friend or land. Enjoy today what you've been putting off for some day. Life is for living not planning. Suck the marrow out of it. You are responsible for the quality of your life.
    
    
18. Believe you make a difference. It's easy to think the world is falling apart. If it is it's because it will be made into something even better! I currently tutor nine children in reading and writing. These nine children will struggle less in every subject because of my help.  Do what you can to influence what the future holds.
    
    
19. Become physically active. Don't think of it as exercise. Instead have fun riding your bike or hiking with a friend. Invite someone to go swimming or rollerblading. There are so many ways to have fun you won't notice you're exercising.
    
    
20. Choose your friends carefully. Eliminate the energy zappers in your life. As you change you will be drawn to more positive people. In order to make room for the new you need to let go of the old. It will happen naturally as you become a happier person.
    
    
21. Remember you have a choice. Nobody has more control over your life than you. Don't sleep walk through it. When things aren’t going well choose again! Plan happy times for your future. Think of them as life’s coming attractions. Learn to enjoy your own company. You will be with you forever!
    
    
22. Refuse to complain. I tell my clients to stop complaining for 3 weeks. When you catch yourself begin your 3 weeks over again. The purpose of the exercise isn't to never complain again. You're human. The purpose is to become aware of how often you complain and what you complain about.
    
    
23. Educate yourself. What areas of you life do you wish to improve. Find a mentor, read a book, attend a workshop or take an online class. Be willing to get the information and help you need. When you know better you do better.
    
    
24. Focus on where you are going. No matter how difficult life seems today keep putting one foot in front of the other. Eventually you will arrive to a place where you can say, "I'm a positive person."
    
    
25. Be present. Our ego or smaller self tempts us to live in the pain of the past or fear of the future. Remind yourself that in the present moment everything is OK. What ever is happening in your life it’s unfolding exactly as it should. In this moment all is well. Each time you notice your mind wandering bring it back to the present moment. This will become a way of live.
    
    
26. Change your mood. Catching yourself in a bad mood is one step. Changing your mood is the second. If you want immediate relief keep a notebook and write down 10 good things in your life. If you make this a habit you'll feel more grateful. You can't be unhappy and grateful at the same time.
    
    
27. Surround yourself with positive people. They will influence every area of your life: the person you become, your income, and your values. They can influence your health, your parenting, your goals and your work. There is a lot of power in that! Don't be afraid to make friends with the best. You may be the one they've been looking for all along.
    
    
28. Enjoy your life. My mom is 89+ years old. I’m one of 10 children and she has 36 grandchildren. I’m not sure of the number of great grandchildren! She finished 6th grade. She never learned to drive a car. She loved to cook, spend time in her flower garden and baby sit her grandchildren and great grandchildren. She complained very little and taught us to look on the bright side. She also taught me how to be happy and enjoy life. From her I learned my positive attitude. I'm forever grateful.

 

(Note: If these 28 tips seem impossible, you may struggle with depression. It’s important you don’t beat yourself up. Instead look into getting professional help.)

If you enjoyed Tess's post, check out her site The Bold Life. You'll love what you find there! Her words and articles are always inspirational and uplifting. You can also find Tess on Twitter @TheBoldLife.

What do you do to stay positive?
How has your positive attitude affected your life?

guest post: could losing your job be the best thing?

(♥)
 

As a reminder, I'm on a business trip (oh what fun!) until January 18th. In the meantime, I have some great guest posts to share with you... The following post was written by Allison Maslan, author, life and career coach, homeopathic physician, and international speaker. Allison is the president of The Blast Off Life and Business Coaching. You can find more about Allison and what she does by checking out myblastoff.com. 

You have heard the story many times. What seems to be a tragedy, such as in an illness, job loss or  divorce ends up turning to triumph when the person ends up making drastic positive changes through their forced set of circumstances. Many have found themselves jobless in these trying times, frightened and wondering what to do next. The interesting twist is that a large percentage of those laid off have often said that they did not "love" their job. The job has represented security, which is of prime importance, however, in many cases, their work was not completely satisfying or fulfilling. In fact, a study prior to this economic downturn showed that 87% of people polled disliked their jobs. Since we spend approximately 75,000 hours at work from age 25 to 65, this seems to be an even sadder circumstance than a difficult job market.

Connie Delonge, president of Breakthrough Grief Recovery, wanted to start her own business for  a very long time, but was afraid to take the leap and leave her job. She had been in the mortgage business for years for financial reason’s only. "It is very stressful work and even though I am good at it, it was never very fulfilling for me."  Connie’s true passion has been grief recovery support which she had been doing for years on a volunteer basis through Horizon Hospice of Poway, California.

"This economy forced me to find a new way to pay the bills. My gut was telling me that at this point in my life, I could no longer work at a job that was unsatisfying. Life is too short to not go after your dreams.  My life coach, Allison Maslan, helped me move past my fear of becoming an entrepreneur, and then supported me in laying out a step-by-step strategic plan to create my own grief counseling business. I have not been this excited about my life in years."

Connie is just one example of many individuals that are taking advantage of a challenging time and turning it into an opportunity to take the entrepreneurial leap. Slowdowns don’t have to be roadblocks to starting new businesses, experts say.

It might seem counter-intuitive to start a new business when the economy is flailing, but a recession can actually be the ideal time for launching a new enterprise. In fact, many well-known and successful organizations were born during hard times because it is often easier to start a new company than find the right job during a recession.

Here are some examples of companies that laid the groundwork of their enterprise during tougher economic times. Hyatt Corporation opened its first hotel’s doors at the Los Angeles International Airport during the Eisenhower recession (1957 to 1958). Bill Gates and Paul Allen launched Microsoft during the recession in 1975. CNN started its humble beginnings as a little-known station called The Cable Network News during the 1980 recession. The Fortune 500 is full of companies that were founded during down times: from Johnson and Johnson, to Disney, Cisco, and Intel.

Prerna O’hara, president of Your Company Concierge has been working with the Blast Off Program over the past several to months develop her dream business. She was also employed as the Concierge/Patient Liason for a San Diego medical and day spa. When they let her go due to the down economy, it was the perfect excuse for Prerna to speed up the pace of her new business launch. She is taking the expertise she offered her employer and putting it to work for herself.

"I may have taken longer to get my business up and running, so losing my job has actually motivated me to open for business now. As Allison has said, poverty is a great motivator and failure is not an option! I have had so much fun putting all of this together. I am so passionate about my new business and I am dedicated to making it work."

A recession can offer many advantages to a budding entrepreneur including, lower rents, better deals with suppliers, and employees are often willing to start in for less. Often the worst of times can end up being an opportunity for the best of times, just as turning lemons into lemonade could be your most profitable and satisfying venture. If you have a vision, go for it. It is never going to be the perfect time to go after your dreams. But if you don’t do it now, years could pass and you may find yourself saying, "Why didn’t I?"

Allison Maslan, HHP, CCH has been an entrepreneur for the past 25 years and has a vibrant array of nine successful businesses to her credit. She is an author, life and career coach, homeopathic physician and international speaker. Allison is the president of The Blast Off Life and Business Coaching. Through her years of working with thousands of clients on a one-on-one basis, she has come to understand how and why human beings create their own personal limits in every aspect of their lives. Her Blast Off One-on-One Coaching Program and Blastation Interactive Life Coaching Software help people tap into their passions, learn to release their self-limiting roadblocks, and guides them through a step-by-step flight plan for success and fulfillment in all areas of life. Check out Allison's site at www.myblastoff.com. 

a year of amazing: how to make this one the best yet

You know, I have a good feeling about 2010. There's something about that nice, round number that makes me feel calm, makes me think this year is going to be a really good one. When I was searching for an image to use for this post and came across the one above, I was super excited. I have high hopes for the year and the picture I found seemed to echo them perfectly. While I really am trying to live in the moment and focus on what's happening right now, I can't help but look to the future of 2010 and have hope that it's going to be an amazing year. Of course, the reason I think it's going to be an amazing year is because I plan to make it an amazing year. In 2009 I learned one thing for certain: your life is what you make it. 

Prior to last year, it was so easy for me to fall into routines and patterns, thinking that everything just happened because that's the way it went. Though of course the thought had crossed my mind, I didn't realize just how powerful my own abilities were. I didn't realize that I really could take control of my life and spend my time in ways that were productive and healthy. It was a really hard year, but it was a really great year. I learned more about myself in those 12 months than in all the 26 years that had come before them. The other day I read this quote by Charles Richards: 

"Don't be fooled by the calendar. 
There are only as many days in the year as you make use of."
 

When I read that, I thought to myself, "Wow. That's really true." I thought back on the years before, all of the days I'd wasted, and then I thought of last year and how I'd done my best to make every day worthwhile. Sure, they weren't all great days and they weren't all filled with productive, positive activities, but, for the most part, I can say that I made the most of my days in 2009. Having spent a year that way, I cannot imagine going back to the way it was before, to those days I spent lying on the couch, watching TV or thinking negative thoughts. After the year I've had, I just cannot imagine going back. 

What I can imagine, however, is going forward to an awesome year in 2010. Part of me, admittedly, is a little nervous about my hopes for the year. What if 2010 isn't as great as 2009? What if I don't change and grow and learn so much, the way I did last year? What if I'm setting my expectations too high and I reach the end of the year feeling let down? This post is all about putting those "what-ifs" aside and developing a plan to make 2010 even better than 2009. With a plan in place, I just know 2010 can be -- will be -- amazing. 

How To Make 2010 Your Best Year Yet

Get excited. Stop and think right now about what gets you excited. If you had a day to do anything you wanted to do, what would it be? What is that thing that, when it crosses your mind, leaves you feeling so overjoyed or pumped up that you can barely sit still? Keep that thought in your mind, keep doing whatever it is that makes you that happy, and keep surrounding yourself with people who support those things that make you oh-so-excited. You need to support yourself. You need to do the things that make you the happiest. And you need to have people in your life that support your happiness. 

Get involved. Now is the time to get involved in what it is that excites you. No, not next month or later in the year. NOW. Think back to the things or activities or people that get you excited and ask yourself, "How can I become more involved? How can I get into that, and experience those feelings, even more often than I already do?" You need to be doing whatever it is that you love most in the world. You need to be figuring out a way to be involved with what you love most and to be involved with it as often as you can.

Get going. Now that you've identified what you want to do and how you can become more involved in it, it's time to get going. 2010 may have just begun, but it will be over before you know it. Don't put off the things you want to do. The year will be shorter than you imagine it to be. You will find yourself at the end of it, thinking,"What did I do this year?" Don't let yourself get to the end of the year without doing what it is that you really, truly want to do. It's a new year, a new decade, and it's time to get going! 



For me, last year was a good one and it's inspired me to make this one even better. But if you didn't feel like 2009 was everything you wanted it to be, now is your chance to change things. I believe you can start change at any time, but why not embrace it now when everyone else is so into it? If you want your life to be different, make it different. If you're looking for some inspiration, check out some of these posts: 

 
Stop, Drop, & Roll: How to Prepare for Change

You CAN Have It All: 8 Tips for Balancing Work and Life

Breaking the Spell of Someday

Let's Go! 5 Steps for Getting on the Road to Your Goal

Change Your Mind About Change

Photo credit: (♥)  

stop, drop, & roll: how to prepare for change

  

(♥)
 

“It’s not that some people have willpower and some don’t.
It’s that some people are ready to change and others are not.”
James Gordon

Change is a funny thing. Sometimes we want it so badly and we'd do anything for it. Sometimes we're so scared of it that we'd give anything to stop it from happening. Change has played a big part in my life over the past year. I cannot think of a year when I've changed more than 2009. While I'm still working at the same place and living in the same area, almost everything in my life has changed dramatically over the past 12 months. My relationships with others, my relationship with myself, my understanding of the world, my actions and reactions, my thoughts and way of thinking -- all of these things have undergone major transformations this year. I often look around at where I am now and ask myself, "Why? Why now? What was so different about this year that made it so special?" Much as I scratch my head and ponder these questions, the only real answer that seems to stick with me is: I was ready. 

It took a long time -- a lot of years of doing things to make myself stronger and, in some ways, harder -- to get to the point where I was ready for change. I don't think I even knew I was ready. I just looked around one day and it hit me like a bat to the head: I had to change things. I had to change things. I had that cliched experience of looking around and realizing that this was my life and I didn't like it one bit. I'd thought this many times before. I'd always wanted a different life. I'd always thought that "someday" things would be different. It wasn't until about a year ago that I realized that I had to make things different. I had to change them. It seems simple enough, realizing I had control over my life, but it wasn't simple to get to that point in my life. As the Indigo Girls sing in "Least Complicated" (click to listen): "The hardest to learn was the least complicated." It was such a simple notion -- take control of your own life -- but it was such a complex one for me to grasp. 

I don't think I'm alone in this. I think it takes a lot of people -- a lot -- to realize that they can control their own lives. I think many people never realize it at all and end up floating along on whatever path they happen to find themselves drifting down. I was that person. I was that drifter, just floating and thinking I'd get there someday. I had hope that things would work out, but I didn't want to work for it. I just thought it would happen. Well, I can tell you from personal experience...things don't "just happen." Yes, sometimes there are those moments of excitement when things seem like they're falling in place. Yes, there are times when things seem like fate or coincidence. But the best things -- the really great things -- happen when you're working towards them, when you're making the changes and when you're putting in the effort to make yourself better. 

But how did I do it? And how can you? I don't know if I have any true and definite answers to those questions. I wish I could post a step-by-step plan for how I changed, but I know that these things are really personalized and, if you want to change, the way to do it really depends on how you are as a person and what exactly it is that you want to change. Even though there isn't a formula for change, I can offer some suggestions and some advice on how I got from where I was to where I am now... 

Stop, Drop, and Roll: How To Ready Yourself For Change 
 

1. Stop being afraid. It's so easy to be scared. Believe me, I know how much courage it takes to willingly choose to change. It really can be terrifying, the thought of changing your life, of changing yourself. I honestly think it was that fear that held me back for so long. I knew I needed change. I could sense something that needed to be different in my life, but I was so afraid. If you really want to change, you have to stop being afraid. You have to take whatever fear you're experiencing and just let it go. As you can probably guess, this is not easy -- but it is the only way to really prepare yourself to change. 
   
   
2. Drop your old ways. Sounds so obvious, right? If you don't like how your life is, just stop doing what you're doing, right? If you've ever tried to stop your habits or break your routines, you know just how difficult this can be. In theory it sounds so great, but it can be really, really hard to change things and to make choices that are different from those you'd made in the past. It was nearly impossible for me to alter some of my habits when I decided that I needed to change and it certainly didn't happen over night. It took a long time -- probably years if you count all of those failed attempts from the past -- to get where I am right now, but I know with absolute certainty that I would not be here if I hadn't changed my old ways. 
   
   
3. Roll with the punches. As I mentioned in #1, change can be really scary. Most people don't like it all that much, especially when it's hard. For this reason, you have to to learn to let go of your preconceived notions of what "should" be and live in the moment. Rolling with the punches isn't always easy (and was especially difficult for a Type A girl like myself), but it's the only way to really accept change in your life. If you're having trouble with this, I'd suggest reading The Power of Now or Loving What It Is. Both of those books really helped me out when I was trying to adjust to living in the moment and accepting my new life for what it was, changes and all. That whole go-with-the-flow thing didn't come easily to me (still doesn't sometimes!), but it's definitely an essential attitude to have when it comes to changing. 

As we all know, change can be so brutal sometimes. It's hard to face it when it's forced upon us, but it can be even more difficult when we're trying to implement it ourselves. At that point, change becomes a choice and, for that reason, it's something we can so easily avoid or give up on. Changing yourself is really hard work and these three steps are only the beginning. They are only small bits of advice to help you ready yourself for change. Around this time of year, people are thinking a lot about change, about making resolutions and changes. Recognize that change is hard, but you really do have the ability to change anything in your life. What it really comes down to, or at least what it came down to for me about a year ago, was being ready. If you're not ready for it, you won't change. But if you are ready...well, you have the amazing ability to turn your whole life upside down... 

How do you ready yourself for change? 
What advice do you have for those who want to make changes? 

how to let go and reclaim your life

 (♥)

Today's post was written by Henri Junttila, creator of the awesome site Wake Up Cloud. I recently came across Henri's site when he left a comment on mine and I've been such a fan ever since. On Henri's site you can discover your passion in 5 days and get conscious about your life. I was thrilled that he wanted to write a guest post for Positively Present and I certainly wasn't let down when he emailed me his article. Henri's take on letting go is well-written and worth a read (or two!). Enjoy! 

Letting go is easier said than done, or is it? It’s nothing new that we like to complicate things and I am no different. Making changes in your life only happens when you are truly ready. Your mind is meant to think thoughts and it can easily become overwhelming and frustrating, especially when you start to taking them seriously.

Letting go for me means allowing things to be as they are and accepting the present moment just as it is. For the longest time I wanted to control and was horrified of letting go. I am not saying that I do not do this now, because I do, but to a lesser extent. It can be hard to let go and be at peace when tough things come at you.

At those times all you can do is your best. One of the topics that gets me off-balance is money. I have a deeply rooted belief about money and being afraid of not having enough and not being able to take care of myself or the people around me. By being aware of my thoughts and just doing my best, I know that I am constantly making progress.

We live in a society where quick results are expected. To be honest, I am very impatient and get frustrated easily when things are not going my way. We all have our pet peeves and they are there for a reason. In year or three you will see how much you’ve grown. There is no rush to get anywhere and there is no competition. Enjoy the ride and have fun.

Let Go of the Past

“Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy.”
 Robert Anthony

Some people constantly think of the future, while others dwell on the past. The past is tricky, because your mind can distort and make you believe things that did not really happen, or you make the events that did happen worse. A good example is when you experience someone passing away that was very close to you.

The first reaction is to dwell on how much you will miss this person, but have you ever thought about changing your perspective? When I cannot just let go I will try different things to see if I am missing a piece of the puzzle. So instead of dwelling on what you have lost, you could think about the positive things and the moments you had that brought joy.

When you dwell on the past, you suffer now. Why are you doing that to yourself? Feeling bad, depressed and being negative is pleasurable in some way, which is one of the reasons we do it. We think it will bring us something. Being less serious about life will allow you to let go. Playfulness is something a lot of people are re-discovering, which is awesome. We have been way too serious up until now ;).

Let Go of the Future

 “The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.”
 Chuck Palahniuk

Worrying about the future is my specialty. I project what will happen in the future and my mind convinces me that it is true. I won’t have enough money. No one will love me. I won’t succeed. Just a few years ago I was extremely negative, stressed and worried constantly about the future.

That was also the time I started meditating on a daily basis and reading books on spirituality, such as the Power of Now, which is still one of my favorites. When you really want to change, the tools will be given to you. It’s interesting how the universe works. We still have a lot to learn and can only marvel.

So what helps me let go of the future? The ability to question myself and realize that my thoughts are not the authority on the future. If you’re like me and tend to think about the future and not having enough, look inside and ask yourself how you can predict the future? Are you suddenly a psychic? ;)

Playfulness is your secret weapon. So what if you end up broke and without friends? The cool thing about imagining the future is that it is most likely the worst it’s going to get. Have you ever imagined something bad and had it happen to you, and you went “huh, that wasn’t so bad after all”?

Let Go of the Fear of Rejection

 “Nothing is miserable unless you think it so;
 on the other hand, nothing brings happiness unless you are content with it.”
 Boethius

The fear of not being liked, of not being accepted or even respected is another big one for me. I’ve always been an introvert and always conscious of what I should and should not say. As I gathered more experiences under my belt, I started to learn that being yourself is the only thing that you can do.

Being someone who you are not takes a lot of energy and ultimately destroys you on the inside. Remember, when you’re trying to be someone you’re not, you’re attracting people that resonate with the person you are trying to be. In simpler terms: you are attracting people that do not match who you REALLY are.

I haven’t gone from an introvert to an extrovert yet, because it is always better to take things one step at a time. I have become more self-confident in who I am and letting myself be just a little bit ridiculous, because that’s who I really am. That’s who we all are. When I talk to people that have never met me they usually get that surprised look on their face thinking “this guy is crazy” but then they usually also go “but I like him”.

By being yourself, you are attracting those that you want to attract. If you’re looking for a soul-mate, you have to be yourself, because you are never going to meet the love of your life if you cannot love yourself.

If you are yourself and people reject you, you should be happy, because those people were not a good match for you anyway. See it as a filter. Be yourself, be playful and let go.

Let Go of Your Programming

 “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
 Eleanor Roosevelt

When I got out of school at the ripe age of 18, I became a professional online poker player. It was a fun ride that taught me a lot about discipline, money, people and spirituality. There are a lot of things you have to let go of when you choose to make money in an unconventional way.

At an early age we start taking in the labels and beliefs of our parents, our friends and our culture. We are supposed to go out there, go to school, get a good job, a nice house, a nice car, get a kid or two, retire and do what we really want to do.

Why should you wait? If you’re unhappy now, then that is a sign that you’re not following your passion and doing what you truly love. I played poker for almost five years. Earlier this year I decided enough was enough. I had been sick of playing for the last few years and I was only doing it because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to make a living doing anything else.

I jumped into building websites about topics I was passionate about. Even that wasn’t enough. Last month I started feeling like something was missing. This was not something I wanted to be doing for the rest of my life. Making money was great, but ultimately I wanted to help people grow.

If you’re waiting for something to happen, stop. There are no perfect circumstances. You will never be ready. I am not saying you have to do everything all at once. If you’re working in a job you hate and you love coffee, you can work during the day and start writing, video blogging or even podcasting about coffee on your free time.

You are the one who are responsible for how you react, how you feel, what you do and how your life looks. It’s easy to hide from that fact, which is exactly what most people do, but you are different. I can feel it.

It’s time.

Let go and reclaim your life.

You deserve it.

Looking for more reading material today (a.k.a., distractions from doing work or anything productive)? Check out the guest post I did on The Bold Life called "Traveling by Train: Lessons on Going with Life's Flow." In the article, you'll find out how I learned a lot about life just by walking down the aisle of a train! You never know where you'll find inspiration!
 

are your goals fun?

 (♥)
 

Today we have an awesome guest post from life coach Jen, who is the author of the oh-so-wonderful personal development blog, Reach Your Dreams. I'm happy to have Jen here as a guest writer today and I'm sure you'll really enjoy her fun-filled post. 


How often have you created a goal for yourself, and then made it into something that you resent and feel guilty about not doing? We all do this at times. Start off with a fun goal and make it into something else to do, to beat ourselves up with and manage to squeeze all the fun out of it, until eventually it is just another chore! Why do we do that? I don’t have the answer, but I do know I have often done this.  A common victim of mine is exercise (although I think exercise has got a bad name from a lot of people, not just me!J) I actually really enjoy exercise, when I do it (particularly running), but have often made this into a ball and chain around my neck. It’s crazy really. Why don’t we either do whatever it is and enjoy it, or not do it and enjoy not doing it, rather than this mental torture and guilt we put ourselves through! I guarantee you, if you sat down with any group of people, and asked them about exercise, there would definitely be some of what I am talking about in there! 

 

Be honest

One of the things I have learnt is to be honest with myself about my goals. I used to make goals that I really had no intention of doing…but they sounded good! Or, maybe make some goals that I did have some intention of doing, but really enjoyed spending more time talking about them and doing an elaborate plan! (Hands up who’s done this too!) . The other common scenario, I have found is going from one extreme to another….no exercise …. to a plan to run 10 miles!

We are all different

We all have different ways of getting motivated or achieving our goals. I know I am very enthusiastic at the beginning of a new project, but often find I get bored, or want a new stimulus as I get into it. I have found for example with running, entering a race helps me keep focused and carry on towards achieving the goal, even at the times when I don’t feel like it. Some people find a bit of healthy competition with a friend or collaboration helps achieve their goals, whereas others need to let people know what they are doing, to have someone to be accountable too. Find out how you work best.

Start off small

I’m not saying not to make your goals big, because there is value in that too, but for example if you haven’t exercised for a year, just doing something, is a great start. Getting started and doing a few small actions, is better than huge plans that scare you off before you have even begun!

And finally….have fun!

Life’s too short to be doing things we don’t want to do. If you’re not enjoying a goal you have set yourself, find out, why not? Have you squeezed all the joy out of it? Have a look… if you find you have, stop and re-evaluate why you wanted to do it in the first place. Don’t make the fun things in your life, into more chores. If it’s still not fun, bin it! Take it off the list and replace it with something that is fun! 

How do YOU keep your goals fun?

Jen is the author of reachourdreams.com and a Life Coach who blogs all about personal development. If you enjoyed this post, then please consider subscribing to her RSS feed. You can also find Jen on Twitter @reachingdreams.

living life with purpose

 

 

"I think the purpose of life is to be useful,
to be responsible, to be honorable, to be compassionate. 
It is, after all, to matter: to count, to stand for something,
to have made some difference that you lived at all."

Leo Rosten

For most people interested in personal development, the question of life's purpose is often on their minds. There are so many answers, but that one question always remains. When I opened my email this morning and read this quote, I found that I could really relate to Rosten's words. He's really on to something with this statement. Though I think we all have different purposes for our lives, I do think that Rosten addresses some of the basic elements of life's purpose that connect us all. While I cannot speak for everyone, I do know that many people would agree with Rosten's statement and believe that they are living for all of these reasons (and more!). After reading Rosten's quote for the third or fourth time, I began to break it down in my mind, to see all of the various parts he'd put together to make his statement whole. When I took a step back from the quote and looked at divided, I realized that Rosten really did bring some important things to light in terms of what most of us want from life. Here, let's take a look...

We want to be useful. Maybe not everyone feels this way, but I know a lot of people want to be useful. When thinking about life's purpose, they want their lives to be something that will have a good effect on the rest of the world -- or at least on those living in their little corner of the world. Some people seem more into this idea in relation to life's purpose than others (such as those who dedicate their lives to teaching or caring for others), but I think, deep down, we all want to know that our lives have a practical usefulness to them. It's hard to say what usefulness is because it is such a broad term, but I think that we're all useful. We're useful in our jobs, in our actions, in our relationships. We all serve different purposes, but all of them are of use and that's what makes them so important to consider when thinking about the purpose of life.

We want to be responsible. This is a very interesting one for me because for so long I felt like I didn't want to be responsible for my life. I wanted people to do things for me; I wanted things to happen to me. The older I get and the more I know, the more I want to take control of my life and be responsible for it. Not only do I want to be accountable for my actions, but I also want to be accountable for the repercussions of my actions. I want to know that what I'm doing is the right thing, that I'm not acting out of selfishness or haste. When I think about how much responsibility we all have (whether we want to admit it or not!), I realize that this is really one of the purposes of life. I am -- we all are -- meant to be responsible for our lives and even though it's hard for some to get to a place of responsibility, I do think that autonomy and accountability is something we all inevitably seek.

We want to be honorable. When I read this one, I wasn't sure how I felt. Do people really want to be honorable? Of course, it's clear that some do, but there are so many people that act in dishonorable ways that it was hard for me to believe that a purpose of life was to be honorable. But then I thought about it this way... We all really do want be respected and given credit for the things we do. For everyone, these things may be different. Honor might come in the form of negative things for some people and positive things for others, but I think that desire to be honored (even on a small level) is something most people crave. We want to be thought of as worthy of respect (and, in some cases, this can be a negative kind of respect) and we want to know that what we are doing has worth.

We want to be compassionate. This one also struck me as interesting. Do we want to be compassionate or do we want to have compassion in our lives? I, for one, know that I definitely want compassion in my life. I want people to care about me and to feel things for me when I am feeling, but to say that my own purpose in life is to be compassionate seemed off at first. And then I realized that, in fact, I really do want to live a life of compassion because it is one of the best ways to connect with others. At a very basic level, humans want to connect with each other (even when we don't think we do!), and being compassionate is one of the best ways to do this. I don't know about you, but when I am able to connect with someone else in a compassionate way, it feels great. It makes sense, since the need to understand one another is so basic, that it would be part of the purpose of life.

We want to matter. To me, this is one of the most important of all the things Rosten brought up. While I can't speak for everyone, I'm pretty sure most people want to matter. Some people want to matter in a big, grand way. Some people want to matter only in the lives of those who are closest to them. But either way most of us really seem to want that -- to know that our lives count, that we're here for a reason, that we have purpose. And we don't want to matter just to ourselves. We want to matter to others (again, back to the theme of connecting with other people) and some of us want to matter to the world. No matter what (or who) we want to matter to, most of us really do want that recognition, or at least the knowledge, that our lives count in a way that is meaningful.

We want to stand for something. When I was in college, some of the guys I used to hang out with would call me "Beliefs" because I was always going off about some topic I felt passionate about (feminism, animal rights, etc...). They would get a kick out of me sharing my beliefs all the time, and I got a kick out of them calling me "Beliefs." Why? Because this confirmed for me that I stood for something, that I cared about things enough to bring them up and share my thoughts on them. (It also helped to confirm that I had something substantive to offer other than appearance, which I really loved...) I loved (still do!) love believing in things, standing for things, and for that reason I believe that this is something that really does add to my purpose in life.

We want to make a difference. Another tricky one... Does everyone want to make a difference? I know I do. In fact, I probably want that more than anything. When I get emails from people telling me that I've made a difference in their lives, I feel happier than I could even imagine. It's the best feeling. But that's just me. I don't know if everyone wants to make a difference in the world. I know that most of the people I surround myself with make a difference in the world without even knowing it because they make my world a better place. Even people I hardly know make a difference when they leave a comment on my blog or send me an email. Whether or not we want to make a difference, I think our mere presences here impact the world and, like it or not, create the foundation for life's purpose.

I must admit that sometimes I don't like to think about the purpose of life. Sometimes that phrase is just too overwhelming. It puts the pressure on, making me wonder, "What am I doing? Am I really living the life I'm supposed to be living??" Reading Rosten's quote sort of forced me to think about it and I'm glad it did. The purpose of life is a very unique thing. I believe everyone has a different purpose, some of which overlap and some of which don't. Sometimes it's hard to understand the purpose of others, but there is a purpose for everyone and everything. Writing this post has really made me think about what I consider my personal purpose to be. The purpose of one's life is likely to change. If someone had asked me what the purpose of my life was ten years ago, my answer would be quite different I'm sure. Today I'm going to write down the things I want to be, the things that add up to my life's purpose. Someday I will come back to this post and look at these things and I will see how well I've done with them or maybe realize how much they have changed. Here are some of the things I think I'm here for...

To write words that make others think and feel.

To create things that challenge me and/or make me smile.

To accept people and situations for what they are.

To experience life and share my thoughts with others.

To love people and animals with my whole heart.

To be at peace with myself and those around me.

To make others happy through my own quest for joy.

To smile and laugh as often as I possibly can.

To work hard at what I love to do to reach my goals.

To cultivate and sustain meaningful relationships.

To push myself out of my (many!) comfort zones.

To challenge myself and others to embrace positivity.

To live in the moment (even when it's a tough one).

To look for and celebrate the good things in life.

I'm sure if I sat here all day, I could have a list a mile long. Now that I've started thinking about what my purpose is in life, it's actually quite fascinating to me (and a lot less overwhelming!). Putting it in writing makes me realize that life's purpose can be a tangible thing. It doesn't have to be some abstract concept that you can't quite put your finger on it. It can be a list. It can be a whole long string of words with all of the things you want in your life filling in the blanks. It can be anything you want it to be. I know it seems like a  grand task -- writing down the purpose of your life -- but as someone who was overwhelmed to even think about it and who went on to create this extended (albeit not comprehensive) list, I'd strongly recommend you give it a go. And, if you're feeling extra brave, feel free to post your list in the comments section! I know, I know -- it seems daunting to think about your life's purpose on a random Tuesday, but when I started writing this post I had no idea it was going to lead to me thinking about my own purpose and I'm so glad it did. Give it some thought... You might be surprised by what you'll find...

What did you think of Rosten's ideas of what life's purpose is?
Have you given some thought now to your own purpose? What IS your purpose?

 

from fearful to fortunate: do what you don't want to

 

 (♥)

Last night I learned a very important lesson: sometimes good things happen when we do the things we don't want to do. I myself waiting around most of the day, thinking negative thoughts about how I didn't want to do something, only to find out that it was actually the best thing for me to be doing. Take a look at what I wrote before I left and what my thoughts were after to see just how what was seen as a negative experience actually turned out to be a positive one. 

The Before

Right now I am sitting here, dreading something I have to do, something I don't want to do. Has that ever happened to you? I bet it has. I bet you've been sitting there, just like I am here, thinking of how you could get out of it, knowing that you couldn't. Being me, of course I'm sitting here analyzing exactly why it is that I don't want to go and I realize the truth almost instantly: I'm scared. I don't want to break out of my little comfort zone. I don't want to do something that I don't normally do with people I don't normally spend time with. 

What is it with that fear of new things? Some people see a new experience and can't wait to dive into it. More often than not, I hold back, analyzing it until I'm sure it's what I want to do. And even then I'm not always so into it. Sometimes I'm the type of person who makes plans and then cancels because she'd rather sit in her apartment than travel to a new part of the city. Sometimes I'd rather do nothing at all than do something that sparks a fear in me. 

And that's exactly how I'm feeling right now. The negative thoughts are creeping in and I suddenly think of all of the reasons why I shouldn't go tonight. I think of the the rain, the possibility of it being a waste of time, the fact that I'm not feeling so well. I think of the traffic and the TV shows I'll be missing. I think of my preferred bedtime and the tasks I could (but wouldn't...) be crossing off my To Do list. Excuses flood my mind and my brain rationalizes them all. 

I want to escape the fear, but I cannot. I am sitting with it and I have to deal with it. I cannot back out. I cannot say I'm no longer going to go. At this point -- so late in the day -- it is no longer an option to cancel. As much as I try to push the positivity -- "This could be fun!" "This might be really good for you!" "It's something new and different!" -- my negativity continues to push back. I just keep thinking, "I don't want to go. I don't want to go. I don't want to go." 

But I went. 

The After

I just walked in the door from the event I'd been dreading and I'm happy to report that all of the dread and fear were worth it. It was one of the most productive and eye-opening evenings I've had in a long time. I got to sit there and listen to others speak. I got to sit there in silence and just listen. Listening, for me, doesn't come easily. If you couldn't gather from my long-winded posts, I'm a talker. I'm a decent listener, but I'd much rather tell you what I think (sometimes in the middle of what you're trying to say!). 

According to my parents, I started talking at a very early age and people would always think it was odd that I was so small and able to say so much (come to think of it, people still might think this...). Ever since I learned to master language on my own, I've had a hard time just sitting still without adding my thoughts. One of the reasons last night was a great experience because, unlike most conversations I have when I can jump in whenever I want, I had to sit and wait my turn to speak. This gave me an opportunity to be present, to really take in the words of others without rushing to add my own comments. 

Another reason last night turned out to be a positive experience for me was because I had the opportunity to sit down in a room full of people who were dealing with some of the very same things as I am. It was nice to sit and just listen to the stories and the wisdom (which, ironically, was the topic of the evening) of other people who are in similar situations. It was refreshing to finally not feel so alone. It was eye-opening to hear the insights of others, shared so candidly with everyone in the room. 

Though it was past my crawl-into-bed time when I returned, I couldn't sleep because I was pumped up by the words I'd heard spoken all night. I felt revived and excited... and so, so thankful that I'd forced myself to do something out of my comfort zone. I was even more grateful to the wonderful person who went with me because, without her, I don't know if I ever would have made it into that room where, in only an hour, I learned so much. 

The Lesson

Last night I learned a great lesson (one that I should know by now) -- sometimes positive things happen even when we don't expect them to, which just goes to show that thinking negatively doesn't do anything at all. If I had been thinking positively all day, getting myself excited for my evening activity, I would have been a lot happier. I wouldn't have been stressed or wasting time coming up with excuses in my mind. I wouldn't have been feeling the fear of doing something I didn't know if I wanted to do. Instead of stressing, I should have been reading Gilbert's post from Wednesday, The Power of Acceptance: A Path To An Open Heart, and realizing that acceptance was really the way to go. 

Had I accepted the situation for what it was -- just a new experience -- instead of for what I thought it was going to be -- some terrible waste of time that would bore and/or irritate me -- I would have been a lot better off. Now, I don't want to be too hard on myself. It was something that was slightly scary and definitely new. We all have a right to be nervous or scared or uncertain. However, in this situation, I let my negative thoughts take over to the point that I almost missed out on the experience all together. 

On more than one occasion yesterday, I thought about picking up my phone and canceling. Had I let that negativity take over, I may never have been able to experience the feelings I did last night -- feelings I am very grateful to have sitting with me now. I'm happier because I went. I'm more positive because I went. I'm not going to sit here and claim that a single evening changed my life (though, I suppose, it's been known to happen!), but I will say that I am very glad I forced myself to do something I really didn't want to do. 

So, you may be wondering why I'm telling you all about my one-night revelation. I'm sharing this experience with you so that the next time you think you really don't want to go to an event -- either because you're scared or disinterested or uncertain -- remember this post and recognize that, even though it doesn't necessarily seem like the best thing in the world, it could turn out to be a pretty great experience. Try to keep an open mind when you're diving into something new and you might be surprised at what you'll encounter. 

A friend of mine informed me that today is To Write Love on Her Arms Day. What is To Write Love on Her Arms? That's exactly what I asked when I opened the email! To Write Love on Her Arms (TWLOHA) is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery. In an effort to get the word out about this organization, the founders are asking people to literally write "love" on their arms. So, if you can, take a minute today to write "love" on your arm and support the cause. I have it written on my arm right now! If you want to know more about TWLOHA, go to www.twloha.com.

how to bring your shooting star down to earth

 (♥)

"Who said every wish would be be heard and answered when wished on a star?
Somebody thought of it, and someone believed it, and look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing? What do we think we might see?"

Unknown

While I was in Jamaica (which, by the way, was the best vacation ever!), I was lucky enough to see not one but three shooting stars zip across the sky. For some this might be no big deal, but I've always wanted to see one and had never had the chance to before. To say the least, it was an awesome night. The sky was filled with so many stars that it looked as if someone had thrown glitter across it. It was beautiful and it was incredibly exciting to see one of those glittering pinpricks dart across the black blanket of the sky. Clearly the night of the shooting stars made quite an impression on me.

When I returned from the island, I decided to look up the meaning of a shooting star. Of course, I'm well aware that the meanings I'm about to write about here are merely random opinions and not necessarily facts, but I find others' interpretations of shooting stars fascinating. According to one source, a shooting star in a dream (which is what the night felt like) is "symbolic of changes in your life." Another source said that seeing a shooting star can be "a symbol of reaching one's ultimate destiny," and that "according to common belief, when one makes a wish on a falling star, the wish will come true." This source also shared some interesting insight about why people wish on stars:

At the time when the Greek astronomer Ptolemy's view of the cosmos as a universe of interlocking spheres became the orthodoxy, there was a widely accepted and very poetic explanation for "falling stars" which was entirely consistent with other deeply held beliefs of the time. It was thought that the gods, overwhelmed with curiosity, would sometimes look at the earth from between the spheres, and that in that instant a star or two might slip through the gap and become visible as a falling or shooting star. Since the gods were clearly peering down at that very moment, it was considered an excellent opportunity to voice one's wishes with the guarantee that the gods would hear them.

Now, I'm not naive. I know that wishing on a shooting star isn't going to be the magic answer to any problem or desire I have. For me, wishing is a whole lot of fun, but there's more to it than just turning my face to the sky and imagining what could. No, wishing is much more than that. What I love most about wishing is that it shows me what I really want. If I have a penny and I'm about to throw it into a fountain (which I actually did in Jamaica), I'm forced to stand there and really think about what it is that I want. Now that I think about it, it's kind of crazy that I don't do that kind of what-do-I-want? soul searching more often. I sort of rush through life, doing things that make me happy, doing things that make other people happy, and I don't always think about what it is that I really, truly want. When face-to-face with a wishing situation, it seems that my truest desires come out.

There have been times when my wishes have come true. Whenever I felt a wish had been granted, I used to rejoice, thinking how lucky I was. Only now do I realize that the wishes came true because I worked towards them. Whatever wish I made, I realized in that moment that it was something I wanted and I began looking for it and working towards it without even knowing it. Such, I suppose, is the true power of wishes. Wishing makes you see things clearly, makes you see what it is that really matters to you. The act of wishing brings the shooting stars -- your goals, your dreams, your ideas -- down to earth and makes them something tangible, something you can act on.

The act of wishing is just the starting point, the small spark that sets the ideas in your mind on fire. Leonardo da Vinci once said, "He who is fixed to a star does not change his mind." It can be like that when it comes to wishes. If you make a wish and choose to focus on it, your mind will be connected with it and your actions will reflect your desire. It's for that reason that wishes can come true. Actions might speak louder than words, but it's the words in your wishes that you should pay attention to in order to uncover what it is that you hope to achieve in your life.

While I certainly don't plan to reveal the wishes I made on the night I was looking up at those shooting stars, I am going to share my ideas on how to take your wishes -- those shooting star dreams that appear as distant flashes of light -- and bring them down to earth.

How To Turn a Wish Into a Reality

• Validate your wishes.One of the key things holding people back from actually believing in and working towards what they want is that they don't think they should have what they want or they don't think it's a worthwhile wish. That's just not true! If you want something, you deserve to want it and you deserve to have that desire validated. That validation might not come from anywhere but you so make you give your wishes a fighting chance by accepting them as valuable parts of who you are.
  
  
• Put it into words. Sending out a wish into the universe is great, but it's also easily forgotten. I cannot even tell you how many wishes I've made in my life and how few of them I actually remember. For this reason, when you make a wish and it really means something to you, find a way to keep that wish at the forefront of your mind. For me, writing something down really helps but I know that's probably not everyone's cup of tea. Another great way to make your wish take an tangible form is to tell someone about it.
  
  
• Create a plan of attack. Once you've validated your wish and made it tangible in the form of words, you can now create a plan. It's hard to say exactly what the best way to do this would be since the concept of a wish is so, so general, but I'd advise starting small. Choose little goals that you can tackle and before you know it you'll be making strong progress towards making your wish come true. Personally I always think it's best to actually write down your plan and revise it as you go along, but I know that might not work for everyone.
  
  
• Look for opportunities. After you've created a plan, you can work on it, but don't let yourself be limited by it. There are all sorts of opportunities and ideas that you may not yet have thought of and if you close yourself off to them, you may miss out on a great way to make your wish come true. Be open-minded and take notice of what's happening all around you. It may not be obvious, but if you look hard enough, opportunities for making wishes come true are everywhere!
  
  
• Believe in yourself. Believing in yourself ties in strongly with the first point I made. You have to believe that you deserve to have a wish and you have to believe that you can make that wish come true. If you don't believe in that, your lack of confidence is going to bring you down and it'll make it a lot harder for you to follow through with your plan. If you want something, go after it. Believe you can have it. I can't promise it will always work out, but it's a lot less likely to even stand a chance if you don't believe.

If you're not a big fan of wishing (not everyone has that wish-upon-a-star mindset!), give it a try and see what comes to mind. You might surprise yourself with what you actually want if given the option of infinite possibilities. Whatever your wish might be, pay attention to it and give it the credit it deserves. When you're faced with the opportunity to ask for anything you want, you'll find that your inner voice will quickly speak up. If you listen to that voice inside of you -- the one that really knows what you want and isn't distracted by the doubts and fears created by world outside your mind -- you'll find out what you really need. Once you figure out what your wish-laden shooting star is, capture it, hold it in the palm of your hand, and bring it back down to earth.

Do you spend any time wishing for what you want?
How do you harness those wishes and turn them into realities?