positively present

how to stay positive in the face of rejection

 (♥)
 

"I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear
to wake me up and get me going rather than retreat."

Sylvester Stallone

The post below is a guest post by Liz Borino, a writer after my own heart who is passionate about the effects of optimism on people’s success. Today she's writing on the topic of rejection, something most people experience at some point in their lives. It can be difficult to be positive in the face of rejection, but Liz offers some helpful tips on how you can make the most of even the most unpleasant of situations.

 

Being rejected is a terrible feeling. I’m a writer, so I’ve done my best to get comfortable with the possibility of rejection because I realize it will happen. However, it doesn’t just happen to writers, it happens to everyone because we’re human and sometimes we need other people’s approval to reach our goals in life. It does absolutely nothing for us or our goals if we stay down. Here are four positive ways of handling rejection.

 

1. Keep it in perspective. No matter how perfect that job, opportunity, boy/girl, college, or whatever you were rejected from, seemed they weren’t. The boy/girl probably snores, the job might force you to work more hours a week, which would take you away from your family. There will be other opportunities for success. I promise you.
   
   

2. Try another avenue of success. There are two options here, wait for another avenue or opportunity to present itself, or create your own. I’m impatient and don’t like to put my success in the hands of other people who can’t be as invested in it as I am. Let’s say you get rejected by your crush, a positive way to create another opportunity would be for you to go to a coffee house (or a bar, if that’s more your scene) and approach someone reading your favorite book. In the case of the artist, if they’re rejected by a magazine or publishing house, when they get one rejection they could send out two new submissions to other publications.
   
   

3. Don’t take it personally. This one’s tricky, I know. You’re probably sitting there saying, But if I got rejected, how is it not personal? The fact is it probably has more to do with the person who rejected you than about you. Maybe, you didn’t get that date because that person doesn’t go out with people who wear glasses. Maybe that college you got rejected from is filled to capacity. It’s possible that the agent you queried just isn’t interested in representing anymore of the genre that you’re writing in. These aren’t just excuses to make you feel better, they really could be true.
   
   

4. Reflect. Of course, if you’re being continually rejected, it might be time for some self-reflection. For example, if all your crushes are turning you down you might have to evaluate how you’re approaching people and if those people are really right for you. An example might be if you were trying to get the president of the science club to go out with you, impressing him with your pop-culture knowledge may not produce the desired result. If you got rejected from every college you applied to, it might help to retake the admission tests, or go to a community college for a year or two. This isn’t about blaming yourself, but instead taking responsibility for your own success.

Rejection is never easy to take, no matter how invested you were in what you were trying to accomplish. However, it should never derail your positive attitude or stop you from attaining your goals. 
 

Liz Borino is passionate about the effects of optimism on people’s success. She has also just completed a novel and loves networking with other people of similar mindsets. She can be reached on Twitter @lizb1987.

7 strategies for loving each and every day

 (♥)

  "No yesterdays are ever wasted for those 
who give themselves to today."

Brendan Francis

Do you wake up every morning with a grin on your face, jumping out of bed with a fresh eagerness for the day ahead? Yeah, me neither. As much as I want to be positive 24/7, it's not easy to wake up every morning and say to yourself, "I'm going to LOVE today!" Some days are just downright difficult and no matter how you look at them, the negative seems to out weight the positive. As most of us probably know, sometimes you wake to a day that can be so overwhelming that you're actually scared of it. The other day as I was searching through photos on the amazing We Heart It, I came across the image above and it caused me to pause and think about how I determined I am to love each and every day. I had to ask myself, "Am I really that determined to love each and every day? Or do I settle into that fear sometimes, really letting negativity about the day's events get the best of me?" As much as I want to start every day off with the hope and cheerful notion that it will be a day I love, that's not always the easiest thing to do when faced with some of life's challenges. 

There's no getting around the fact that every single day won't be lovable. Life is challenging and there are simply going to be days that cannot be labeled "great" -- but that doesn't mean we shouldn't give it our best shot to try to love each and every day. I think it's perfectly okay to realize that not every day will be great -- or even good -- but I don't think it's okay not to at least give every day a chance. I'm not sure about you, but I've definitely had some days that seemed like they would be awful and then transformed into some of the best days I've ever had. Life is unpredictable like that and it's hard to know what's going to happen in a single day. As many of you probably know, a single moment can turn your life around and it only takes a second for day to turn from god-awful to glorious (and, yes, it can go the other way too, but let's focus on the positive since this is a blog about positivity). As many of you also probably know, attitude has a lot to do with your day. If you start off with the belief that a day is going to suck, you'll quickly realize that the day actually does suck. However, if you start off with the attitude that your day is going to kick ass... well, you just might find that it does. 

I'm not going to pretend that every day can be fabulous if you just have the right attitude. Sometimes terrible things happen that are out of our control. Sometimes we just don't feel like things are going right and sometimes a bad-mood funk can suck the life out of even the most promising days. We can't make every day perfect, but we can give it the best head-start possible. It's just like that "breakfast is the most important meal of the day" idea. What you eat for breakfast won't necessarily determine what you'll eat the rest of the day, but more often than not, if you eat a healthy breakfast you'll eat a healthy lunch and dinner too. That's what we need to think about when we're starting our days. Sure, even if we have a positive attitude at the beginning of the day, we might consume some negativity later on. But it's a lot more likely that we'll keep gobbling up that healthy positivity if we start the day off with the right mindset. 

7 Ways to Start Off (and Love!) Your Day 

1. Be grateful. One of the best ways to start off your day on the right foot is to begin your day by thinking about the things you're grateful for. It's not always easy to do this if you're in a bad mood or you have some difficult activities to look forward to that day, but taking a few moments to be thankful for what is going well in your life is an excellent way to dive into the day with a positive attitude. If you like writing, it might be helpful to keep a little journal beside your bed and jot down the things that you're grateful for when you wake up in the morning. If you're not the writing kind, just thinking about the things that you're thankful for as you're opening your eyes and starting the day is a great way to start things off right. 

2. Be energized. It can be hard to start off the day right if you're not feeling full of energy. When you're tired or dragging, it's going to be difficult to be positive. I know first hand that when I'm not well-rested, I definitely feel like my mood worsens. So, in order to start of the day energized, make sure you get the right amount of rest (not too much or too little, Goldilocks!), eat healthy foods every day, drink lots and lots of water, and exercise (yeah, I need to work on that one...). If you treat your body right, you're more likely to be starting your days off with a lot of energy. Another way to start off your day with energy is to try your best to end your day with positive thoughts and images. When you're getting ready for bed, try to focus on the good things that happened that day and try to watch/read things that are positive. You can do a lot of preparing the day before to wake up energized and refreshed so get started now!                                                                                                                      

3. Be mindful. Being present is one of the best ways to love every day. When you're living in the moment, you're not stressing about the future and you're not dwelling on the past. And one of the best ways to be present is to be mindful. Being mindful can be difficult, especially if you're not super excited about whatever you're engaging in on any particular day, but if you make the extra effort to look around you -- to really, truly pay attention to your life and all that surrounds you -- you'll find that your days seem a lot more exciting. And a lot easier to love. Mindfulness and being very aware of what's happening around you keeps you present and helps to keep unnecessary stress from your mind. Pay attention to everything, even the littlest details, and you'll find that every day is worth loving. 

4. Be realistic. When you start your day, you might be overcome with ideas of what you think the day will -- or should -- entail. So often we place expectations on our days -- good or bad -- and so often these expectations aren't realistic. How often have you thought a day would be the worst ever or anticipated that your day would be absolutely fantastic? It's great to have an idea of what your day is going to be like, but it's not so great to be projecting generalizations on your day. It can be very tempting to think things like, "This day is going to be terrible" or "This is going to be the worst day ever," but it's pretty unlikely that things will go as drastically as you've made out in your head. When you really start to think about something realistically, you'll probably realize that things won't be as bad as you think they will be. Be realistic about what your day will entail and you'll most likely be able to handle whatever comes your way. Realize that most things aren't the end of the world and you'll be much more likely to face your challenges head on.  

5. Be open. Just think about the number of times you've started off a day thinking you knew exactly how it would go only to find out that it unveiled itself in an entirely unpredictable way. Life throws us some pretty crazy curve balls and one of the hardest things to do sometimes is to just let those curve balls come right at us. There are a lot of things in any given day that our out of our control. Sometimes this can be one of the hardest things to deal with in terms of loving your day, and that's why it's important to be open. Be open to the idea that anything can happen and that anything that may happen might actually be good. I know things have happened to me that I didn't understand at the time, but that ended up being really great for me. Be open to new experiences and be open to the idea that any day has the potential to be a great day and you're a lot more likely to enjoy your days a whole lot more. 

6. Be hopeful. Along with being open, you also want to start off every day with a healthy dose of hope. Some days this is so easy. It can be so easy when things are going well to believe that they'll keep going well, but then there are those days when hope seems like something you dreamt about once as a child. There are days when hope seems as likely as a fairy tale. And those are the days you need hope the most. When you wake and think the day is going to be awful, remember to have hope. Any day can transform into the best day -- even when it seems completely beyond the realm of possibility. Life is so very unpredictable and I've never, ever been able to 100% predict what would happen to me on any given day. So when a day seems destined for dismal, take a moment and indulge in a little hope. It might sound silly or cliche, but there's nothing like hope to get your day rolling in the right direction. No matter how much you think you're going to hate your day, wake up and have hope because you never, ever know what the day will bring. 

7. Be determined. As the quote in the image above says, you have to be determined. You have to really want to love every day. If you don't, you won't. It's just that simple. Waking up happily and cheerfully every single morning might sound like a bit much to ask for, but you can wake up believing that your day will hold something magical and unexpected. You always have the opportunity to choice a positive outlook (even when it feels like the hardest thing in the world to do), but when it comes to loving each day, you have to be determined. You have to really want it and you have to make an effort. This is a very hard thing to do and I can't say that I've mastered it yet, but I want to. I want to love every day as if it's my last day and even though I'm not at that point yet, I have hope that I someday can be that person. Determination is key when it comes to numbers 1-6. Without determination, it's going to very hard to do any of the things above when you're facing a really hard day, but if you're determined you have the power to do anything -- including love every day you're alive. 

Following these seven strategies won't always be easy. In fact, if you're anything like me, most days it'll be harder than it would seem. But if you try them and you are determined to love your days, I know you (and I!) can do it. Life's too short not to love every day you're alive, but I think we often forget to love our days. Too often we forget that this life isn't a given and that even when we're in a slump or a funk or a place of pain, we're all pretty lucky to be here. Every day you must wake and you must go on with your life so why not make an effort to love it? 

9 positive aspects of love

 (♥)
 
"I love you, not only for what you are, 
but for what I am when I am with you." 

Roy Croft

As you may remember from a post I wrote not too long ago, I've been very influenced by a book I read recently called Positivity by Barbara Fredrickson. The book really is essential if you're interested in positivity and living a more positive life (which I certainly am!). One thing the book does is highlight the ten forms of positivity, which are: joy, gratitude, serenity, interest, hope, pride, amusement, inspiration, awe, and love. One day I hope to write a post detailing each of these and their importance in our lives, but for now, as I'm focusing this month on love, I'm going to zero in on the last one. In the book, Fredrickson writes:     

[Love is] not a single kind of positivity. It's all of the above, encompassing joy, gratitude, serenity, interest, hope, pride, amusement, inspiration, and awe... In the early stages of a relationship...you're deeply interested in anything and everything this new person says and does. You share amusements and laugh together...As your relationship builds and perhaps surpasses your expectations, it brings great joy. You begin to share your hopes and dreams for the future together. As the relationship becomes more solid, you sink back into the serenity that comes from the security of mutual love. You're grateful for the joys your loved beloved brings into your life, as proud as their achievements as you are of your own, inspired by their good qualities, and perhaps in awe that the forces of the universe that brought you two together.

Love, as anyone who has loved or has been loved knows, is a wonderful, crazy thing, and when I read Fredrickson's analysis of the term love in relation to positivity, I have a better understanding about why love is as magical as it is. It's a complex thing, but it's also quite simple: love makes you feel good. It does so many things, but at the most basic level, love makes you feel uplifted, happy, and positive. Fredrickson writes, "Love also changes the inner chemistry of our bodies. It raises out oxytocin and progesterone levels, biological responses linked with lifelong bonds, trust, and intimacy." Love is literally a surge of positivity within us. Let's take a closer look at how love affects us positively... 

9 Positive Aspects of Love 
 

Interest: When you first meet someone you're destined to fall in love with, you're super interested in his/her life and everything about him/her. I think this is actually one of the first signs that you really like the person. When you're not all that interested in someone, there's no way you're likely to fall in love with him or her. But when you're so interested you can think of little else... well, that's usually the first sign of love. 

Amusement: Some of the best times I've ever had with loved ones involved laughing so hard my face and sides hurt. It's wonderful to love someone and to be able to let go with that person and just laugh and laugh and laugh. It can be difficult sometimes to get to a place where one feels comfortable enough to amuse others and it's also hard sometimes to just let go and be easily amused. Love, I've found, brings out that desire to see the silly and to look for the good, amusing aspects of life. 

Joy: Joy is the most obvious when it comes to falling or being in love. When you're around someone you love, you can't help but feel joyous. Love isn't all sunshine and roses, but, for the most part, there's a lot of joy. When you love someone, that person makes you truly happy and spending time with him or her uplifts you in ways you may not have felt possible. Often, when you are with the one you love, even the worst situation can seem like fun. True love brings happiness and fills your life with joy. 

Hope: This one has a double meaning in my opinion. First, I believe that love gives you hope. When you experience love (even from friends and family), you feel like there is hope for good things. You believe that there is goodness in the world. Secondly, when you fall in love, you share your hopes with that person. You let him or her inside your mind and allow him or her to know what really is important to you. You make plans for the future with this person, placing hope in the fact that your relationship with stand the test of time. Hope can be a fragile thing, but it's very important when it comes to love. 

Serenity: This one happens to be my personal favorite. Love is when you get to that point with another person when, no matter what is happening, you feel a sense of peace when you're with him or her. Your life could be chaos, everything could feel like it's falling apart, but when you're with the one you love, you feel calm. You feel safe. This sense of peace is not easy to come by and, for that reason, I don't take it for granted. There are few things in life that can make us feel as at peace as we do when we're wrapped in the arms of the one we love. 

Gratitude: I try to practice gratitude on a regular basis, being thankful for those around me and the amazing things they do for me, and loving someone else is a great way to do this. We should all be extremely grateful for the love we have in our lives and we should do whatever we can not to take it for granted. We should strive to make every single day a loving one, expressing our gratitude not only through words but through actions as well. It's easy to take things for granted, but a great love makes that hard to do. When you are deeply in love, it's hard to be anything but grateful. 

Pride: Have you ever seen a loved one do something amazing and felt such a swell of pride that it shocked you? I know I have -- and it's pretty awesome. It's great to feel proud of yourself, but it's extra exciting when you can feel proud of someone else. I experienced this not too long ago and it was such a great feeling, such a sign of love, that I was a bit overwhelmed. I realized that it really is the true test of love -- to feel really good that someone else is going something that's important to him or her. Pride is usually thought of as a negative, but in this case it's a true positive. 

Inspiration: When you fall in love with someone, that person should inspire you. If s/he doesn't... well, I don't know if that's the best kind of love. The best kind of love is the kind that makes you want to be the best you. The best kind of love makes you want to do the things you love to do and to do them well. When I'm in love, I'm motivated, I'm excited, and I'm most definitely inspired. I also am hopeful that I'm inspiring the one I love as well and I do my best to make this happen. Inspiration can come from anywhere, but love is one of those amazing things that almost always inspires.   

Awe: Love definitely is the type of thing that deserves this word "awe." In fact, the word could have been created simply for love, it's that connected. When you love someone, you're in awe of him or her. And, not only are you in awe of how awesome s/he is, but you're in awe of the relationship you've found. Anyone who's ever had a really great love knows that it's pretty astounding when it does happen. It can feel like the craziest thing to find someone who seems to fit so perfectly with you and, quite honestly, it's nearly impossible not to be in awe of that. Love is awesome and it deserve all the awe it can get. 

Now that we've covered the nine positive aspects of love in more detail, I'd like to know what you think. Love is so unique, so magical, so special that it doesn't necessarily fit into a neat box filled with nine positive traits. Love is grander than that. Any box it's put in, it explodes from, shattering all of our expectations and leaving us staring up at it like the brilliant sparks sent flying from fireworks. Love is complex, love is fascinating, and love is so very important when it comes to positivity. So I want to know what you think love is. I want to know what love means to you. I want to know what aspects you think have been left out of this list. And I want to know just how love brings positivity into your life. 

 What are some additional aspects of love? 
What does love mean to you? How does it make your life positive? 
 

make the 3-to-1 ratio of positivity work for you

 (♥)
 

What is positivity? Lately I've been thinking about this a lot lately because, due to my job situation, I haven't been very happy. I haven't been happy... but I've still be positive. So what does it mean to be positive? For the past week or so I've been reading Positivity: Top-Notch Research Reveals the 3-to-1 Ratio That Will Change Your Life by Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, which I've been meaning to read for awhile. So many have recommended that I read it, but it took me a long time to actually buy the book and start reading. And from the first page in, I've been saying to myself, "Why did it take me so long to read this???" The book is fascinating, filled with real scientific research about positivity but put together in a way that's not dull and dragging. Before cracking open the cover of this book, I often thought that positivity was pretty simple. It was just a generally good attitude that seemed to, in my experience, make everything better. But positivity, I'm certainly discovering, is a lot more -- so much more! -- than that. The author responds to her own question, "And what is positivity anyway?" with this statement: 

"Let's start with what it isn't. Positivity doesn't mean we should follow the axioms 'Grin and bear it' or 'Don't worry, be happy.' Those are simply superficial wishes. Positivity runs deeper. It consists of the whole range of positive emotions -- from appreciation to love, from amusement to joy, from hope to gratitude, and then some The term is purposely broad. It includes positive meanings and optimistic attitudes that trigger positive emotions as well as the open minds, tender hearts, relaxed limbs, and soft faces they usher in. It even includes the long-term impact that positive emotions have on your character, relationships, communities, and environment." 

When I read that, it really hit home that positivity is so much more than it seems. It's not just that "Be happy!" attitude (one that I haven't mastered and doubt I ever will); it's more than that and it's more important than that. As Fredrickson writes, "Positivity doesn't just change the corners of your mind, trading bad thoughts for good ones; it also changes the scope or boundaries of your mind. It widens the span of possibilities that you see." If I were to have read that even one year ago I would have scoffed and thought, "Bullshit. Positivity is just something people who don't think much about life possess. Anyone who's really thinking knows there's nothing to be positive about." But now... Now I know first hand that these words are true. Having a more positive attitude and incorporating more positivity into my life has changed the scope of my mind. The possibilities of my life have changed tremendously since I decided to seek out positivity. 

One thing I've struggled with is the notion that I cannot be positive all the time. It's pretty much impossible to always have a positive attitude, but I've often wondered, "How much positivity is enough? How much do I need to have to generally be a positive person?" According to Fredrickson's research, we should "aim for a positivity ratio of at least 3 to 1. This means that for every heart-wrenching negative emotional experience you endure, you experience at least at least three heartfelt positive emotional experiences that uplift you." Reading this I breathed a sigh of relief. I don't have to be positive all the time and I don't have to deny negative emotions (which I've always know would be a bad, bad idea). 

As Fredrickson notes, "The beauty of the 3-to-1 positivity ratio is that it's large enough to encompass the full range of human emotions. There's no emotion that needs to be forever shunned or repressed." I've often grappled with how one can be a positive person and still experience negative emotions and reading about Fredrickson's 3-to-1 ratio has really helped me to realize that just because you want to be positive doesn't meant that you're not going have bad times or experience negative emotions. In fact, as Fredrickson suggests, you need those emotions. You need to have a balance. A 3-to-1 balance, apparently. 

At this point in the post, I'm going to have to highly recommend that you read the book if you're at all interested in this subject. Many people recommended it to me and I kept put it off for some reason and I'm sorry that I did because I was missing out. If positivity is something that interests you, definitely check the book out to gain a full understanding of what the 3-to-1 ratio really means. In the rest of the post I'm going to focus on how I've tried to make the 3-to-1 ratio work for me and how these tips might work for you as well. These suggestions aren't in the book and I have no idea if Fredrickson would agree with them or not, but I know that they've worked for me so maybe they can have a positive impact on you too. 

4 Ways to Make the 3-to-1 Positivity Ratio Work for You
 

1. Take baby steps. Yeah, it sounds silly (and may even feel silly), but I've found that doing something positive, like smiling, makes a huge difference.  When I remember to take a few seconds to do a small, positive thing, like really smile at someone, it works. Though it seems like a tiny thing, little acts like this can make a big difference when it comes to being positive. 
   
   
2. Accept the negative. It's hard when you're focused on positivity all of the time (as I try to be) to address the things that are negative. It seems sometimes like a better idea to ignore them to say, "Oh, I'll deal with those another time," but it's really never a good idea to do that. If you're feeling a negative emotion, go ahead and fully experience it. It will actually make you better at being more positive! 
   
   
3. Listen and learn. Take a moment to listen to those around you. Are they looking for the good or dwelling on the bad? You can learn a lot from the people around you -- both from the good and the bad traits they possess. Listen to what others are saying and how they are reacting to learn how you would like to react. Take the good thoughts and leave the bad. 
   
   
4. Do your research. If you want to make the positivity ratio work for you, look into it. Read the book if you can or check it out online and gather more information. There's even a test you can take to see what your ratio is right now. The more work you put into understanding yourself and your emotions, the more likely you'll be to find that awesome 3-to-1 balance. 

There are many, many ways to seek a 3-to-1 positivity ratio in your life but a lot of them will depend on you. Your personality, your lifestyle, your mindset -- all of these things can affect your ratio and some of them can even change quite frequently. I've provided the four things that really help me to be more positive. These four things might work for you, they might not. Everyone is different when it comes to understanding their personal positivity ratio so it's important to give it some serious thought if you're working towards this as a goal in your life. I'll leave you with one of the most powerful passages I read in Fredrickson's book because it is the one that, after a year of seeking positivity, I know for sure is true. Silly as it might sound, the possibility for positivity really does lie within you...  

"... the potential for life-draining negativity lies within you, just as does the potential for life-giving positivity. You have more say than you think about which you feel and when. The treasure for your own positivity is waiting." 

h is for happy: benefiting from a happiness project

 (♥)
 

"There is no duty we so much as underrate as the duty of being happy."

Robert Louis Stevenson

Monday night I went to a book signing for Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project. After over a year of reading Gretchen's blog -- also titled The Happiness Project -- communicating with Gretchen via email (she was so helpful when I first started this blog and had tons of questions), and anticipating the arrival of Gretchen's book, it was great to finally meet the creator of the blog and author of the book in person. It's pretty cool when you get to meet someone in person who has inspired you (for more on how I was inspired, check out one of my very first posts, "Inspiration: The Happiness Project") and I'm very grateful for the opportunity to do that and to reflect on it in this post. Without Gretchen's inspiration, I'm pretty sure there would be no Positively Present, a thought I cannot even fathom now that I've grown so attached to my beloved blog.

Shortly before attending the book signing, I discovered that this week is the 9th Annual Hunt for Happiness Week, and what could have been better than to hunt for happiness in Gretchen's The Happiness Project? (To read more about Hunt for Happiness week, click here and don't forget to check out the 31 Types of Happiness.) I decided to take another look at Gretchen's book and pick out all of the things that really stuck out to me, the things that made me realizing that I was, in fact, benefiting from her happiness project. Over the past year I've learned a lot about happiness from Gretchen's blog posts and it was great to have all of that information in hand, in a neatly organized book form. With the book, I could easily flip through the pages and find all of the underlined passages, all of the places Gretchen's words (or the words of others, quoted by Gretchen) had truly spoken to me.

Since it would probably take a long, long time to go through all of my favorite lines in the book, I've decided to highlight a few of the messages that really stuck out to me when reading The Happiness Project. Many of these points I'd read about before on Gretchen's blog, but something about holding them in my hand and seeing them in the pages of her (very popular!) book made them seem more real and made me realize how truly important they are. Reading the blog and book have been very useful for me, and I've benefited a great deal from being exposed to Gretchen's insights. Here are a few of my favorites, the ones I feel like I benefited from most:

The Best of The Happiness Project

"To be happy, I need to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right in an atmosphere of growth."

This is one of Gretchen's key points and she comes back to it over and over again in her book and on her blog. I think about this and I realize that it's really important. When you're working on your own happiness project (as I am, in a way, through this blog), it's essential to understand what makes you feel good, what makes you feel bad, and what makes you feel right. These sound like such basic things, but, really, most of us don't think all that much about them. One thing I've learned from being in therapy over the past year is to really pay attention to my body. When I find that I'm angry or irritated, I start thinking about my body and often find that there are external factors that are making me feel even more aggravated (like being cold or hungry) and these are things I can change. Recognizing what makes me feel bad --such as being too hungry -- helps me to make myself feel better by, for example, taking a break from what I'm working on a grabbing a snack. This is a small example, but it really goes to show that simply paying attention to what makes us feel good and bad can make a huge difference in our lives. In addition, I really got a lot out of what Gretchen wrote about "an atmosphere of growth." Learning and growing are things that have always been important to me, but it wasn't until recently that I realized just how important they are when it comes to having a happiness project. Growth can be scary at times, but it really is an important aspect of living a positive life.


"But the fact is, you can't change anyone but yourself."

It's hard for a lot of people to realize this one, but it's so, so true. It's often very tempting to believe that we can change others. After all, sometimes we can make subtle differences that make it seem as if we're changing them. However, over the past year, as I've done quite a bit of changing, I've really come to realize that, contrary to what I might want to believe sometimes, you really can't change anyone but yourself. And I've found that that can be one of the most frustrating things about having happiness project (or even simply being invested in personal development): no matter how much you change, that doesn't mean those around you are going to change. Likewise, no matter how much you choose to focus on happiness and positivity, it doesn't mean those around you will do the same. What it really comes down to is acceptance. You have to accept others for who they are and you have to surround yourself with people who accept you for who you are. Through the various interviews and blog posts on Gretchen's site, I've learned a lot about different people think about happiness. Happiness can be a very unique thing and what makes one person happy might not make another person happy. While a happiness project can be a great thing, filled with tons of benefits, it can also be really hard to make changes in your life when those around you aren't at all interested in making them. It's tempting to want to change other people, even to think you know it would be best for them to change, but, as Gretchen said, you really can't change anyone but yourself.

"One reason that challenge brings happiness is that is allows you to expand your self-definition. You become larger." 

About a year ago when I really started thinking about happiness (and how unhappy I was), I found that, as Gretchen suggests, my self-definition really did change. I was turning into someone else, and, as the quote above says, I found that I was becoming larger. I was beginning to see the world from different angles and to understand that happiness and positivity were based on a variety of factors, some of which were out of my control. While I desired to be happy, I also recognized that it presented a really big challenge for me. Undertaking the challenge was, in and of itself, an act that caused me to growth and expand as a person. Now that I'm here, nearly a year after starting this blog, I realize that who I am has changed significantly. The way I define myself -- my self-definition -- has shifted and I have begun not only to think of myself differently, but to see the world and others through a new perspective as well. Because I really work on being happier (and, yes, it's a lot of hard work!), I don't take my happiness for granted. I see it as a part of who I am, but also as something separate from myself, something that I've worked hard to achieve. Over the past year, I've most certainly become a larger person. My view of the world is bigger and it's growing every day. One of the greatest benefits of having a happiness project is that I'm constantly challenging myself and urging myself to see the good in situations I normally would see as negative (see Monday's post). I've grown more in the past year than I can ever remember growing and I think a great deal of that has to do with my desire to live a more positive lifestyle.

"Experts say that denying bad feelings intensifies them; acknowledging bad feelings allows good feelings to return." 

On Positively Present, I write a lot about positivity and how to focus on it. However, as Gretchen mentioned in her book, it's not healthy to focus only on the positive things in life. Ignoring the negative or bad things in life is not a good strategy because, as anyone who has tried this already knows (or will soon find out), those negative things always resurface if not dealt with properly. Right now I'm reading about this concept in Positivity: Top-Notch Research Reveals the 3 to 1 Ratio That Will Change Your Life, and it really highlights the idea that Gretchen brings up here: you cannot focus only on the good things. As nice as it seems that would be, positivity and happiness don't work that way. If you focus only the good things, you're denying the bad things and, as research has shown, this only intensifies them. When I first started thinking about positivity and how I wanted more of it in my life, my initial react was to push all of the bad thoughts away. Of course, this didn't go over so well and, not surprisingly, they quickly crept back to the surface, intensified by my determined avoidance. Now I see that it's so important to deal with the bad feelings and situations. Sometimes it really isn't pleasant and I'd much rather be sweeping them under the rug and plastering a smile to my face, but I always feel a lot better when I deal with the negative. I feel much more positive when I take care of the dealing with the bad things and that positivity gives me a big boost when it comes to facing the good things in my life.


"Act the way I want to feel." 

This quote is symbolic of one of the greatest benefits I've received from reading Gretchen's blog and the book The Happiness Project. I've always thought to myself that if you are acting a way you're not feeling than you're simply faking it and I've always wondered what the point of that would be. Why fake it? I used to ask myself when I was sinking into an irritated funk. I used to rationalize that it was just best to be who I was and not to play any games with my emotions. While it made sense to me at that time, I now realize that that's not the best plan of attack. According to Gretchen (and, as I've discovered myself from giving it a try), when you act the way you want to feel, you actually start to feel that way. If I find myself slipping into a bad mood, I do my best to act happy and, you know what? I actually find that I am happier. This sounds like it might contradict the earlier point of ignoring bad feelings, but it actually works with it. While it's not a good idea to ignore your negative emotions, there are often times when dwelling on them doesn't do any good. If you find yourself in a bad mood and you think to yourself, "I really want to be happy right now," start acting as if you're happy. You may still have issues to deal with (such as why it is that you've found yourself in a bad mood), but having a happy attitude will make dealing with any negative situation a lot more pleasant. And if being happy is too much for you, just try being positive and looking for the good in the situation. Whenever I look for the good in a bad situation (and, yep, this can take a lot of effort on my part sometimes), I instantly feel better. It might sound silly or as if wouldn't work, but I swear that when I start acting the way I want to feel, I actually start feeling that way.


"One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy. One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself."

When I read this is feels a bit like a tongue-twister for my mind. I have to be happy to make other people happy? But making other people happy will make me happy? I have to admit that the first time I read this it felt a little bit of chicken-and-the-egg syndrome. Which comes first? Making other other people happy? Or making myself happy so that I can then make other people happy? Personally, I think they go hand-in-hand. When I first started working on my own version of a happiness project, I admittedly was a bit self-absorbed. I was intent on finding all of the ways I could make myself happier and live a more positive life. When I read this line one day on Gretchen's blog, it was a real eye-opener for me. I realized that, while it was very important to focus on my own happiness and figure out what would make my life more positive, it was equally as important to make other people as well. I began doing what I could to spread positivity and to share what I was learning about happiness with others. One of the ways I began working on sharing my happiness was through my blog. My experience with blogging mirrors Gretchen's, which she wrote about in her book: "My blog gave me a new identity, new skills, a new set of colleagues, and a way to connect with people who shared my interest. I'd expanded my vision of the kind of writer I could be. I had become a blogger." In becoming a blogger, I had made myself happier and I'd found a way to share my experiences with positivity with others.

As you can see, there are some great points about happiness made in Gretchen's book The Happiness Project. Over the past year I've learned a great deal not only about Gretchen's happiness project, but about what it means to have a focus on happiness, to have a happiness project of my own. What's so great about the happiness project idea is that everyone's happiness project can be (and probably should be!) unique. Gretchen's always making the point on her blog (and in the book) that happiness is different for everyone. What makes one person happy won't necessarily make another person happy. Once we realize this and begin focusing on increasing our own personal happiness, it becomes clear that we all have the ability to have a happiness project that is a perfect fit for us.

Personally, I find that focusing on living positively in the present moment is something that works best for me. That underlying principle is put to work in my blog, in my daily interacts with others, and in a number of other creative avenues that help me to create a happier environment for myself. Would I say that having a unique, tailored happiness project of my own has brought me many, many benefits that outweigh all of the hard work I put in? Hell yeah! Having a happiness project -- a focus on how I can make my life and the lives of those around me better -- has changed my life in more ways than I can even begin to state. And it's amazing to consider the ripple effect of a happiness project. After reading about what Gretchen was doing on her site, The Happiness Project, I was inspired to create a site of my own that would focus on my own personal journey toward a more positive life. And who knows? Maybe someone reading this post today will be inspired and another happiness project will begin...

Do you have a happiness project of your own?
If so, what is it and how to do you benefit from it?

guest post: find positivity in negative situations

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As a reminder, I'm on a business trip (oh what fun!) until January 18th. In the meantime, I have some great guest posts to share with you... The post below was written by Adrienne Carlson, who regularly writes on the topic of accelerated online degrees. Check out Accelerated Online Degree to learn more about what she does. I'll admit I don't know all that much about the site, but I do know that learning is pretty important -- and who doesn't like things that are accelerated? When you read the post below, you'll see why I chose to feature Adrienne as a guest author here today on Positively Present. Her article is a great one and really inspired me to look at negative situations differently! 

I’m a staunch believer in Murphy’s Law, and for those of you in the dark, it goes something like this – If anything can go wrong, it will. But, in what seems like a complete contradiction, I also believe that I am an eternal optimist. If you’re racking your brains as to how I can do both without coming across as a liar or someone mentally unstable, then you’ve probably never seen positive shades in negative situations. My view of life is simple – be prepared for the worst and the worst will turn out to become the best. That’s how you turn something negative into something rewarding and positive. So if you want to uplift the quality of your life and make it more fulfilling, here’s how you can find positivity in negative situations.

• Be proactive, not reactive: When something goes wrong, instead of spending all your time complaining about what has happened, channel your energy towards thinking of how you can put things right. When you avoid reacting to the situation like most people would and instead begin to work out the finer details of what you could do to set things right, you gain a multitude of advantages – one, you are trying to turn positive something that is negative; two, your mind is free of the stress that is associated with things going wrong and is instead involved in the creative task of thinking and planning alternatives; and three, you’re the man or woman of the moment because you don’t panic and are seen as someone who turn around any adverse situation and put a positive spin on things.   

• Look at the big picture: Very often, we tend to miss the forest for the trees, especially when things go wrong. It may only be a small problem, but if we fail to see it as just that, we tend to get worked up and stressed out and ruin our health in the process. When something untoward happens, play down the negative effects and think of all the positive things about the situation. For example, when you’re confronted with the news of a loved one’s illness, instead of brooding over it, console yourself with the fact that it is not news of death. By focusing on the larger picture, we can turn around negative situations and make them more positive.

• Remember that the situation is temporary: When something bothers me enough to affect my concentration and disrupt my daily routine, I calm myself down with these words – This too shall pass. Any situation, good or bad, is never permanent. It keeps changing, mostly according to your perception of the problem and your attitude in dealing with it. So when you feel yourself stressing out over a negative situation, take a deep breath and tell yourself that it will pass and that good times are just around the corner. This way, you stay positive and are able to focus on what is current and important instead of dwelling on the problem and ruining your regular life.

Remember, positive or negative, it’s all in your mind. And it’s up to you to decide which attitude you want to adopt.

This guest article was written by Adrienne Carlson, who regularly writes on the topic of accelerated online degree. Adrienne welcomes your comments and questions at her email address: adrienne.carlson1@gmail.com.

guest post: 28 steps to a positive & successful life

 
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As a reminder, I'm on a business trip (oh what fun!) until January 18th. In the meantime, I have some great guest posts to share with you... Today's post was written by Tess, author and creator of one of my favorite sites, The Bold Life. Whenever I visit her website, I leave feeling inspired. One of my favorite things about Tess's site is the warning that appears at the top of the page. It reads: "Warning! My blog will challenge you to be more, give more, live fearlessly, take more chances and show up in the world unstoppable, daring and bold." The first time I visited her site and checked that out, I was hooked! Be sure to check her out if you haven't already!


When we live with positive attitudes we touch not only the people around us in a good way but the entire world. Like a pebble tossed in a pond the ripple effect is endless. Knowing we all have that much power let’s take our positive presence up a notch or two and make a dynamic difference in the lives of everyone! The following methods will help you do so:

 

1. Do things that make you happy. Make a list of activities you enjoy doing. Include them regularly throughout the week. Spend time with people you enjoy. Eat foods you love. Wear clothes that fit you and your style. Become interested in other people, places and things.
   
   
2. Schedule downtime. Rejuvenate, relax and breathe deeply. When we take time to contemplate life and slow down we are tempted to think we are wasting time or not doing enough. The opposite is true. The mental and physical rewards of down time will help you shine in all other areas. Remember the turtle and the hare!
   
   
3. Surround yourself with positive things. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I fill my office with meaning full reminders including favorite photos, posters, books and meaningful stone and shells. I also have magazine and newspaper articles I've had published in frames. My home is filled only with things that are useful or beautiful. I don’t have time in my life for clutter or stuff. My time and energy is better spent on being fully alive.
   
   
4. Plan, plan and plan. Having a plan that will lead you to your dreams will increase your positivity and productivity. Create your long term goals and do three things daily to move towards them. One focused step at a time will get you there.
   
   
5. Be generous. Share daily. Leave generous tips. You will put a smile on the servers face and it will affect the next table. Give others the benefit of the doubt. Encourage others. Help someone succeed. Help others get what you want. Share your wisdom. You have so much to give and what you have will come back tenfold.
   
   
6. Become an early riser. Create the habit of getting up one hour earlier. You can use this as "me time" to pray, meditate and get prepared for your day.
   
   
7. Turn your car into a university. You can educate yourself with Pod casts and CDs on your niche. Listen to spiritual speakers for inspiration. You can even learn a new language during your commute.
   
   
8. Create a support system. Create a dream team of others who are going for their dreams. Meet regularly to share your successes and your problems. Be there for each other. Celebrate your progress.
   
   
9. Eliminate something negative. Stop one bad habit. If you are always late commit to being on time. If you eat junk food, add one new fruit to your diet. If you have debt, begin saving your change at the end of each day.
   
   
10. Be yourself. “I'd rather be hated for being myself than loved for being someone I'm not.”  Authenticity will make you glow. It will increase your self-love and create stability in your life. You are unique, worthy and we need you to do your part.
    
    
11. Let go of judgment. When we judge another it's a reflection of ourselves. Put yourself in another's shoes. We are all doing the best we know how to do. When we know better we do better. (Louise Hay)
    
    
12. Don't compare. It's easy to become envious of someone else's success. Most of us want more readers, comments, tweets and better statistics. You have no idea what someone else has gone through or done to get to where they are today. When you see someone doing well, bless them, praise them and congratulate them. Chances are their success is making the world a better place. Keep doing what you're good at.  Rejoice that you've touched others and made a difference in their lives. We are each playing our own part in the world. I can't do your part and you can't do mine. Yet we are all pieces of one giant puzzle.
    
    
13. Limit your TV time. Instead spend quality time with family and friends. Begin a new project. Help someone. Get physical. Go to the theater. Listen to music. Dance. Play board games. Communicate face to face. Touch, hug and enjoy the company of others.
    
    
14. Limit your computer time. How much time to you spend with your family and friends (face to face) compared to how much time you spend on line?  If you want an honest answer ask you family and friends if they feel neglected. It's all about balance.
    
    
15. Use positive language. Avoid telling yourself and others something can't be done. Eliminate 'never,' 'can't,' 'won't,' 'always,' 'should,' and 'maybe.' Instead use these sentences: What can I do for you? Please. Thank you. You betcha! I'm on your side. I'm here for you. I'll find a way. Become aware of speaking negatively about anyone or anything.
    
    
16. Be flexible. Know the unexpected will happen. Your car won't start, a loved one will die, or you will lose your job. Learn to cope in difficult times. Be willing and open to change. Know this too shall pass.
    
    
17. Drop your someday syndrome. Take a risk. Begin a new business. Go to a concert. Take a trip. Visit a far away friend or land. Enjoy today what you've been putting off for some day. Life is for living not planning. Suck the marrow out of it. You are responsible for the quality of your life.
    
    
18. Believe you make a difference. It's easy to think the world is falling apart. If it is it's because it will be made into something even better! I currently tutor nine children in reading and writing. These nine children will struggle less in every subject because of my help.  Do what you can to influence what the future holds.
    
    
19. Become physically active. Don't think of it as exercise. Instead have fun riding your bike or hiking with a friend. Invite someone to go swimming or rollerblading. There are so many ways to have fun you won't notice you're exercising.
    
    
20. Choose your friends carefully. Eliminate the energy zappers in your life. As you change you will be drawn to more positive people. In order to make room for the new you need to let go of the old. It will happen naturally as you become a happier person.
    
    
21. Remember you have a choice. Nobody has more control over your life than you. Don't sleep walk through it. When things aren’t going well choose again! Plan happy times for your future. Think of them as life’s coming attractions. Learn to enjoy your own company. You will be with you forever!
    
    
22. Refuse to complain. I tell my clients to stop complaining for 3 weeks. When you catch yourself begin your 3 weeks over again. The purpose of the exercise isn't to never complain again. You're human. The purpose is to become aware of how often you complain and what you complain about.
    
    
23. Educate yourself. What areas of you life do you wish to improve. Find a mentor, read a book, attend a workshop or take an online class. Be willing to get the information and help you need. When you know better you do better.
    
    
24. Focus on where you are going. No matter how difficult life seems today keep putting one foot in front of the other. Eventually you will arrive to a place where you can say, "I'm a positive person."
    
    
25. Be present. Our ego or smaller self tempts us to live in the pain of the past or fear of the future. Remind yourself that in the present moment everything is OK. What ever is happening in your life it’s unfolding exactly as it should. In this moment all is well. Each time you notice your mind wandering bring it back to the present moment. This will become a way of live.
    
    
26. Change your mood. Catching yourself in a bad mood is one step. Changing your mood is the second. If you want immediate relief keep a notebook and write down 10 good things in your life. If you make this a habit you'll feel more grateful. You can't be unhappy and grateful at the same time.
    
    
27. Surround yourself with positive people. They will influence every area of your life: the person you become, your income, and your values. They can influence your health, your parenting, your goals and your work. There is a lot of power in that! Don't be afraid to make friends with the best. You may be the one they've been looking for all along.
    
    
28. Enjoy your life. My mom is 89+ years old. I’m one of 10 children and she has 36 grandchildren. I’m not sure of the number of great grandchildren! She finished 6th grade. She never learned to drive a car. She loved to cook, spend time in her flower garden and baby sit her grandchildren and great grandchildren. She complained very little and taught us to look on the bright side. She also taught me how to be happy and enjoy life. From her I learned my positive attitude. I'm forever grateful.

 

(Note: If these 28 tips seem impossible, you may struggle with depression. It’s important you don’t beat yourself up. Instead look into getting professional help.)

If you enjoyed Tess's post, check out her site The Bold Life. You'll love what you find there! Her words and articles are always inspirational and uplifting. You can also find Tess on Twitter @TheBoldLife.

What do you do to stay positive?
How has your positive attitude affected your life?

guest post: could losing your job be the best thing?

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As a reminder, I'm on a business trip (oh what fun!) until January 18th. In the meantime, I have some great guest posts to share with you... The following post was written by Allison Maslan, author, life and career coach, homeopathic physician, and international speaker. Allison is the president of The Blast Off Life and Business Coaching. You can find more about Allison and what she does by checking out myblastoff.com. 

You have heard the story many times. What seems to be a tragedy, such as in an illness, job loss or  divorce ends up turning to triumph when the person ends up making drastic positive changes through their forced set of circumstances. Many have found themselves jobless in these trying times, frightened and wondering what to do next. The interesting twist is that a large percentage of those laid off have often said that they did not "love" their job. The job has represented security, which is of prime importance, however, in many cases, their work was not completely satisfying or fulfilling. In fact, a study prior to this economic downturn showed that 87% of people polled disliked their jobs. Since we spend approximately 75,000 hours at work from age 25 to 65, this seems to be an even sadder circumstance than a difficult job market.

Connie Delonge, president of Breakthrough Grief Recovery, wanted to start her own business for  a very long time, but was afraid to take the leap and leave her job. She had been in the mortgage business for years for financial reason’s only. "It is very stressful work and even though I am good at it, it was never very fulfilling for me."  Connie’s true passion has been grief recovery support which she had been doing for years on a volunteer basis through Horizon Hospice of Poway, California.

"This economy forced me to find a new way to pay the bills. My gut was telling me that at this point in my life, I could no longer work at a job that was unsatisfying. Life is too short to not go after your dreams.  My life coach, Allison Maslan, helped me move past my fear of becoming an entrepreneur, and then supported me in laying out a step-by-step strategic plan to create my own grief counseling business. I have not been this excited about my life in years."

Connie is just one example of many individuals that are taking advantage of a challenging time and turning it into an opportunity to take the entrepreneurial leap. Slowdowns don’t have to be roadblocks to starting new businesses, experts say.

It might seem counter-intuitive to start a new business when the economy is flailing, but a recession can actually be the ideal time for launching a new enterprise. In fact, many well-known and successful organizations were born during hard times because it is often easier to start a new company than find the right job during a recession.

Here are some examples of companies that laid the groundwork of their enterprise during tougher economic times. Hyatt Corporation opened its first hotel’s doors at the Los Angeles International Airport during the Eisenhower recession (1957 to 1958). Bill Gates and Paul Allen launched Microsoft during the recession in 1975. CNN started its humble beginnings as a little-known station called The Cable Network News during the 1980 recession. The Fortune 500 is full of companies that were founded during down times: from Johnson and Johnson, to Disney, Cisco, and Intel.

Prerna O’hara, president of Your Company Concierge has been working with the Blast Off Program over the past several to months develop her dream business. She was also employed as the Concierge/Patient Liason for a San Diego medical and day spa. When they let her go due to the down economy, it was the perfect excuse for Prerna to speed up the pace of her new business launch. She is taking the expertise she offered her employer and putting it to work for herself.

"I may have taken longer to get my business up and running, so losing my job has actually motivated me to open for business now. As Allison has said, poverty is a great motivator and failure is not an option! I have had so much fun putting all of this together. I am so passionate about my new business and I am dedicated to making it work."

A recession can offer many advantages to a budding entrepreneur including, lower rents, better deals with suppliers, and employees are often willing to start in for less. Often the worst of times can end up being an opportunity for the best of times, just as turning lemons into lemonade could be your most profitable and satisfying venture. If you have a vision, go for it. It is never going to be the perfect time to go after your dreams. But if you don’t do it now, years could pass and you may find yourself saying, "Why didn’t I?"

Allison Maslan, HHP, CCH has been an entrepreneur for the past 25 years and has a vibrant array of nine successful businesses to her credit. She is an author, life and career coach, homeopathic physician and international speaker. Allison is the president of The Blast Off Life and Business Coaching. Through her years of working with thousands of clients on a one-on-one basis, she has come to understand how and why human beings create their own personal limits in every aspect of their lives. Her Blast Off One-on-One Coaching Program and Blastation Interactive Life Coaching Software help people tap into their passions, learn to release their self-limiting roadblocks, and guides them through a step-by-step flight plan for success and fulfillment in all areas of life. Check out Allison's site at www.myblastoff.com. 

guest post: stay as wacky as you want

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Reader's Note:

For the next week and a half I will be on a business trip. While I'm gone, I have some fantastic guest posts scheduled for you to read and enjoy. I'll do my best to reply to comments in between meetings and I'm sure the authors of these guest posts will be happy to respond if possible. I'll return on January 18, 2010 with lots of new posts for you!

Today marks the 3rd month of Random Acts of Kick Arse (RAOKA), a group I'm very fortunate to be a part of.The group -- which includes Life, Laughs, and Lemmings, The Jungle of Life, Jane Be Nimble, Joy Rebel, and Operation NICE -- joins together every month to take part in committing random acts. Each month we have a different theme and for the month of December the theme was "wacky." When I revisited the month of December, I realized that it was, in fact, pretty wacky. When you mix the holiday season with a ton of work and lots of fun activities, you tend to feel a little bit wacky. Today Armen's guest post is quite fitting with the RAOKA theme-of-the-month, and I've decided that my random act of wackiness is to have someone else's post featured as the RAOKA post for this month... Enjoy!

Today's post was written by Armen Shirvanian, who writes about mindset, communication, relationships, and related topics over at his site, Timeless Information. If you haven't been to Armen's site, I highly recommend you do so. He really does share some timeless information that will help you improve your mindset and understand your world from a new perspective.

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One big thing that helps you to smoothly and positively head towards your desires is to keep on doing those quirky or atypical things you feel like doing. The things we have customized in a certain way, which might be peculiar to others, are usually well-suited for us. Autobiographies always contain some wacky habits that successful people continued through their winning years, like going to a local pond every morning, going on a picnic every couple of days, taking three showers every day, eating pecans when doing thinking, or other material like that.

 

Society Wants Atypical Creations And Effortism

Many of the creations that our society prizes come from quirkiness. A lawyer who finds a past case, and spins it around in a wacky way that causes his client to go free, is revered for his amazing law skills. A designer of architecture that styles a building in an unusual way that hasn't been done before, based on some pictures he drew when he was 15, is praised around the world for his creativity and innovative design. A doctor who tries to treat someone, who has a drug-resistant condition, with a new type of method that he thought of during his peculiar thinking time at swimming, becomes the role model for other doctors who didn't have any treatment ideas. Society repeatedly supports those who are innovative, and a lot of that innovation can come from maintaining the weird things you do. Usually, they are not even that weird, but they are things you do that very few others do. These things can be very small differences. Maybe you have a set of fifty different types of pencils you got long ago, that you continue to use to this day, which give you a sense that you are connected to your past.

 

Reading In A Tree Example

Maybe you have a tree in your backyard that you used to sit in and read for an hour, but stopped since you feel that a neighbor might think of you as weird or unfocused. Bringing back that habit might be all you need to re-energize your interest in home gardens, or whatever you read about, and any neighbor who thinks you are weird for sitting in your tree and reading most likely wants to be in your shoes, not caring about others and having a routine habit of reading in a tree.

 

Doing Wacky Things Boosts Your Self-Esteem

When you do something that isn't normal, no matter how small, it boosts your self-esteem, because you are saying your uniquenessis more important than looking or feeling appropriate. This is true any time you break from the pack in some way. One minor example is like how I did some writing of notes on the soft sheet paper that they give with gift boxes for clothes. I filled this 10x18 inch sheet of paper with thinking that I had. It was sort of like Leonardo Da Vinci drawing doodles in his notebook (at least in my mind) that we are now amazed by. I could have easily written them on a regular piece of paper, but this felt cooler, and when you feel cool, you can do things that others couldn't make it through, which validates doing the quirky thing in the first place. As a closing point, who are you doing a favor to when you cut back on your wacky habits or things that make you feel cool? When you find that person, let me know, because I haven't found him.

Armen Shirvanian writes words of wisdom about mindset, communication, relationships, and related topics at Timeless Information. You can follow him on Twitter at @Armen.

new year, same me: 6 stay-the-same resolutions

 

(♥)

"Many people look forward to the new year
 for a new start on old habits." 

  Author Unknown

Happy New Year! Around this time of year, many people are preparing resolutions and, as a result, thinking about all of things they want to change in their lives. But what about all of the things they don't want to change? What about all of the things that have happened in 2009 -- and over the past decade -- that have been great? Instead of focusing on what I want to change in my life (which is something I spent a whole lot of 2009 doing), I'm going to think about what I want to keep the same as I move forward to 2010. It's been a pretty great year for me and, while I always believe there's room for improvement, today I'm going to zero in on the things that I want to keep the same in the next decade. 

My 6 Stay-The-Same Resolutions for 2010

Be positive. I can't I was positive for the decade, but I was definitely much more positive in 2009 and I want to keep that attitude up! It hasn't necessarily been an easy one for me to embrace or maintain, but I'm looking forward to putting in the effort to make sure that 2010 is just as positive -- if not more so! -- than 2009. 

Stay present. While I did find being positive a little tricky this year, staying present was really hard work. With a mind that's always racing and a million things I thought I should be doing, it was pretty difficult for me to stay in the moment. But, more often than not, I did it and I'm really proud of myself for that. I hope to keep living in the moment in 2010. 

Enjoy life. We all know the old idea that life is short, but how often do we really act like it's short? This year, having spent a lot of time focusing on happiness and positivity, I've learned how to enjoy life more. I've learned how to spend more time in the moment, doing the things I want to be doing (like writing this blog!) and it's made my life so much better. Enjoying life is one of the best things I can continue doing, both for myself and for the sake of those around me. 

Keep learning. Learning is one of my favorite things to do and, though I'm no longer a student, I still find ways to learn. I read and write and listen. I learn more about myself and about other people every single day. Sometimes all of this learning is tiring and can feel overwhelming, but I don't know where (or who!) I'd be without it. I hope that for 2010 -- and for the rest of my life -- I keep learning more about myself and the world because I really do believe that new knowledge makes me a better person. 

Be passionate. I've always been a passionate sort of person. No matter what I'm doing, if I'm into it, I'm into it. If I really care about something or love a task, I will put my whole heart into it and give it my all. In the past, I was passionate about some things that weren't so good for me, but in 2009 I started using that passion in a positive way and I'm looking forward to find new, positive things to be passionate about in the upcoming year. 

Celebrate others. I'm the card-giving, thank-you-writing type. I try to remember the little things and I honestly feel amazingly happy when something good happens to someone I love or care about. I do my best to celebrate others and, over the past year, I've really tried to look for the good not only in those I love but in everyone. (Not easy, but really useful if you're trying to live a happier life.) When I celebrate others, I feel happy and I want to keep up that happy feeling in 2010. 

While looking through an old journal the other day, I found a set of resolutions and I was shocked at howI generic and stereotypical they were. Things like "Lose 10 pounds" and "Shop less" and "Stop drinking" are things that seem silly to me now -- not because they aren't good goals, but because they aren't the kind of goals I now set for myself. Even more shocking to me was the heading above these resolutions: "Resolutions I Wish I Could Keep." Wow. How little I believed in myself, with a title like that! Since the year I wrote those, I've done all of those things and so, so much more. When I re-read those resolutions and the title that pathetically rested above them, I felt sad. I felt sad for my old self, who didn't know that in a few short years, she would be truly, honestly happy and doing things that made her feel like a positive, useful person. I wish I could go back to that January 1st and tell the girl writing in that journal what her life would be like at the turn of the decade, to let her know that she will be happy and she will be productive and she will be doing so many of the things she'd always dreamed about. Of course, we can't go back. We can only live in this moment. 

In this moment, I am so thrilled that I can look back on 2009 and, instead of thinking about all of the horrible things I did or all of the habits I desperately need to change, I am writing about all of the things I want to stay the same. I never in a million years thought I would launch a new year with all of the things I liked about the year before. Of course, I can think of things I want to change or goals I want to set for myself, but, generally speaking, I am pretty happy with 2009 and all of the wonderful (sometimes mystifying) changes I went through. While I'm tempted to look to the future and think of all of the things that could (or should) happen in 2010, I'm going to stick to one of my stay-the-same resolutions today and stay present. I have a lot of hope for 2010, but today, this moment, is all I can be certain of so I'm going to focus on today. I'm going to live in the present, positively.