positively present

10 ways to communicate effectively

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While reading SmartCEO.com (I'm no CEO, but, hey, you never know what someday will bring!), I came across a great article on communication featuring excellent tips on how to communicate better with others. Personally, communication is something I sometimes struggle with and, therefore, it's one of my favorite topics to learn more about. I'm always striving to develop myself personally and if I know I can work on my communication, that's something I'm going to focus on. I believe communication is key to living a positive life and, for that reason, it's essential that we all work on communicating as effectively as we can. In order to help myself (and you!) communicate more effectively, I'm going to share the tips I read with you today and add a little bit of my own insight to them. Since I'm always looking for new and improved ways to do things, I'd love it if you could share in the comments section any tricks or tips for communicating effectively that you've come across. Also feel free to weigh in on the communication ideas I'll be discussing below!

10 Ways to Communicate Effectively

1. Pause before responding. I don't know about you, but I'm often in a rush for something and whenever I'm trying to communicate, I'm usually trying to do so quickly. As hard as it is for me to just pause sometimes, I've actually found that it works wonders when it comes to communicating more effectively with others. Sometimes just that tiny break, giving you time to think, is just what you need to really understand what someone else has said or to formulate the thoughts you really want to convey.

2. Be trustworthy and honest. When you're trustworthy and honest, communication becomes a lot less complicated. You don't have to think about what you're going to say wrong and you don't have to worry about uncovering a secret or a dishonest statement. If you remain open, honest, and worth of trust, you'll have a much easier time communicating with others and others will be a lot more willing to communicate with you. Words like "trustworthy" and "honest" are thrown around a lot, but they really are valuable and they are particularly important when it comes to communication.

3. Don't rush communication. This goes back to the point that came up in #1. When you're rushing and trying to get through your communication quickly that's when things can go wrong. Often when we're in a rush, we forget things or misplace things and the same goes for when we're rushing through any type of communication. So next time you find yourself communicating with someone else, slow down and really pay attention. Taking just a little extra time could end up making a huge difference.

4. Adapt your ideas to others. When we come up with an idea, we often have a set image of it in our minds and that image isn't always easily conveyed to others. If you really want your ideas to be heard, you have to work with the person you're speaking to and find a way to communicate that idea in a way s/he will understand. This means you have to take the time to get to know your audience if you really, truly want to be able to communicate with them effectively.

5. Stay in the moment. You know I love this one! When you devote your full attention to the person or people you are communicating with, you're more likely to have much better results. I know for a fact that's very, very true. Whenever I've gotten distracted and stopped paying attention to the person I'm communicating with, the communication as quickly gone south. If you want to communicate your thoughts effectively, you have to stay in the present moment and really be there when you're speaking and listening.

6. Pay attention to non-verbal cues. This is essential when it comes to effective communication. So much of what we say is actually not said, and if you want to understand what others are really thinking or saying you have to do more than just listen. You have to look and experience too. It's very easy to say something and not really feel it so it's very important that, when communicating, you look both at your own non-verbal cues and those others are sending you. There's a lot to be said for what's not really being said.

7. Intend to understand. This idea comes from Stephen Covey and focuses on the concept of listening to actually understand what is being said, rather than listening just to respond with what you want to say. This can be a tricky thing to do if you're anything like me, always ready to respond with your own opinion. Too often we're not really trying to understand what others are saying but instead are trying to find a way to jump from their points to our own. Next time you're communicating, do what you can to really work on understanding what others are saying.

8. Be patient and open-minded. Communication, even the easiest of communication, can be tough at times, which is why it's so very important to be both patient and open-minded in your interactions with others. Recognize that you might not necessarily be communicating as effectively as you'd like and remember to also be patient with yourself. No matter what the situation, there is a way to communicate -- sometimes it just takes time. Be patient and keep your mind open for new ways of sharing and understanding.

9. Follow up after communicating. To often we assume that whatever we've attempted to communicate was received just the way we sent it and, unfortunately, more often than not that's just not the case. If you're communicating with someone (especially if it's important!), make sure that you follow up after you've communicated. Assuming that your message was heard and understand is a big no-no in the effective communication world. No matter how obvious your message might seem, it never hurts to follow up!

10. Ask for feedback from others. When it's all said and done, one of the best ways you can learn to communicate more effectively (particularly with specific individuals) is to ask for feedback. Take some time to speak to those who you communicate with frequently to find out how you can improve on your communication with them. Sometimes all it takes is a few suggestions and you'll be on the road to creating a better understanding with someone else. It's not always easy to ask for feedback, but it's worth it!

Communication can be tricky at times (especially if you're in a situation where you need to communicate difficult topics or discuss hard-to-grasp ideas). There are many ways communication can be made ineffective and it's all too easy to let effective communication skills slip through the cracks. However, if you really want to make the most of your life and you want to continually strive to improve your relationships with others (and with yourself!), you must stay on top of your communicating game. Pay attention to how you communicate with others and also pay attention to how others communicate with you. You may have learned a thing or two from this post, but you can always learn more and one of the best ways to learn is by observing and then taking action. So pay attention to what's going on around you and what choices you're making when it comes to communicating with others; being more aware will help you be more proactive in your effective communication efforts. Now go on -- get out there and communicate!

How to you strive to communicate effectively with others?
What aspects of communication do you struggle with?
How do you work on those aspects?

want to achieve personal excellence? read this!

  
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On Positively Present, I'm often recommending books and e-books to check out because, as an avid reader, I'm always looking for new things to read and I hope to help others find great new material with these posts. I almost always give the books I review on the site a positive recommendation because, if I read a book I don't like, I'm not going to waste your time writing about it so you can read about why not to read it. Recently, I was given a copy of Celestine Chua's The Personal Excellence Book: Your Handbook to Live Your Best Life and I am in awe of all the great contact Celes has been able to gather for the 700+ page book. I've been reading Celes' blog, The Personal Excellence Blog, for some time now (in fact, it was one of the first blogs I ever read!) and I've always been thrilled to find great, inspiring content there. Therefore, it was no big surprise when I read her book and realized that it too was filled with wonderful wisdom and inspiring advice -- but I had no idea just how much great content could be fit into one e-book! 

The e-book features 120 articles grouped into nine key categories of personal growth: 
 

• Purpose & Meaning, 
• Awareness & Growth, 
• Passion & Dreams, 
• Goals & Success, 
• Cultivating Life Transforming Habits, 
• Emotional Mastery, 
• People Skills/Relationships, 
• Maximizing Productivity and 
• Inspirational Quotes. 

Clearly, a lot of very important topics are covered in these sections. It might seem like a lot of heavy stuff to cover in one book, but you won't be disappointed with the quality of information Celes provides here. (Not to mention, the extensive collection of quotes, which I found incredibly inspiring.) No matter who are you are or what you're looking for in terms of personal development, I guarantee you'll find a something in this e-book that helps to make your world a better place. As Celes writes in her introduction (and I completely agree with!), "You'll find this book a critical tool in your journey of growth." If you're interested in growing your self personally and achieving the personal excellence you know you deserve, this is absolutely the e-book for you. It's a nearly 800 page volume of work that Celes has spent countless hours writing and creating and it's an amazing resource for anyone interested in cultivating personal excellence in his/her own life. 

Though I can honestly say that each section of Celes' book provides valuable content, there is one article in particular that stuck with me. "Dealing with Energy Vampires," found in the People & Relationships section of the book, addresses how to deal with negative people in our lives, the people that suck the positive energy from us (sometimes on a daily basis!). Celes writes, "Negative people tend to leave others around them drained, tired and lethargic. No matter what you try to say, they always seem to find a way to counter with a negative opinion of sorts. When they face a problem, they soak themselves in the issue rather than deal with it constructively. They adopt a self-victimizing mindset, complaining about whatever happens." No matter how positive you are or how many positive people you surround yourself with, it can be difficult to complete avoid the energy vampires (a.k.a. negative people). It's something everyone is faced with and the information and suggestions Celes provides on how to deal with negative people are both timeless and extremely helpful. Her advice on this topic really stayed with me and helped me to overcome some difficult situations with the energy vampires in my own life. 

In addition to gaining priceless advice from Celes' words, after reading this e-book, I found myself inspired to work on some of the things I'd been putting off. I was actually more productive than I'd been in a long time and I'd picked up quite a few tips on how to make that productive energy work even more efficiently for me. Celes' articles provide readers with such great content and it's hard to imagine anyone who would read this and not learn a great deal about how to create a truly excellent life. If you're looking for a great personal development resource (or just some inspiration!), check out Cele's The Personal Excellence Book: Your Handbook to Live Your Best Life. 

3 tips for staying passionate about your work

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Today's post was written by James and it will provide excellent motivation and inspiration for anyone who is struggling to stay passionate about what he or she does for a living. Staying passionate is key to staying happy with the work you're doing so read on for some inspiring tips from James! 

How different would your career be if you could stay consistently passionate about what you do? Passion is the lifeblood of success and fulfillment. It gives us a reason to wake up in the morning. It energizes us to accomplish the tasks and overcome the challenges of the day. And it provides us with our sweetest dreams at night. Passionate people achieve their goals; they make the most out of their careers as just one aspect of making the most of their entire lives. Indeed, how different would your life be if passion were foundational to all your endeavors? It is your decision as to whether or not you ever find out the answer. Are passionate people born, or are they made? While some fortunate folks may be blessed with more natural enthusiasm than others, I believe that passion is a cultivated character quality that anyone can develop. It begins by wanting it. To say "I want to be more passionate" demonstrates that first spark of passion that will grow into a blaze with the right fuel and proper attention. There is no mystery to the process of becoming passionate. It is no secret. The keys to becoming motivated and enthusiastic about work have been well known for centuries, even millennia. What is missing in so many is not knowledge but implementation. Let's take a few moments and examine 3 foundational tips for becoming and staying passionate about your work. 

3 Tips for Being Passionate About Work

1. It Takes a Decision to Become a Passionate Person: We each must first decide that we are going to be passionate people. Being precedes doing. A person for whom passion is part of their character will be passionate about their work, their relationships, their hobbies and every significant part of their lives. One of my mentors once told me, you make a decision and then you let that decision make you.When the decision to become passionate is made then you've also made a decision to reject being cynical, lazy, easily discouraged or other attitudes that snuff out the flames of passion. Instead you've decided to be cheerful and hopeful, embracing qualities of thought and attitude which feed the flames. An action step here would be to write out your decision to become passionate and list qualities to embrace that will help you become passionate along with a corresponding list of negative qualities to discard. 
2. It Takes the Leadership of the Will: It is easy to feel like becoming passionate about work. It is much harder to exert the will required. Yet our will is the determiner of what we become. To be sure, good feelings will assist the will. But if negative feelings override the will you can be sure that passion will be harder to achieve. Hall of Fame running back Walter Payton was nicknamed "Sweetness" for his on-field artistry. He would train in the off-season by daily running up the dunes along Lake Michigan, the sand giving way with each arduous footfall. He was asked what he did when he didn't feel like training. His response is instructive. "Walter Payton never asks Walter Payton how he feels," said the great one. Feelings are wonderful when they assist our will to achieve, but if they threaten to hinder they must be politely refused. The beautiful reality is that when we order our internal world correctly, with the will leading and the feelings submitting they will soon return to support the pursuits of the will. Let's say you've got a list of unpleasant tasks you've been avoiding because you don't feel like the hassle. Not getting them done is holding you back. Your feelings are winning. You wake up early and launch into the worst task on the list. Your emotions are complaining but you don't listen as they whine, "This is hard, leave it until later, why don't you check your email?" You know what we mean. But as you plod through the task as an act of the will you will make progress. Before you know it your feelings will jump in with a new attitude, saying, "This feels great! Good job! We bet we can knock off this whole list by lunch and won't that be awesome!" The will and feelings working in harmony is the deeply satisfying and incredibly productive. The great musician, the company CEO, the world class athlete and the millionaire entrepreneur all need passion to reach their level of success, but for each the active participation of the will is essential. It keeps whispering, "Stay passionate, don't give in, keep a motivating vision of success clearly in mind." In those moments when passion fails, as it must from time to time, the will stands in the gap until passion returns. Irish statesman Edmund Burke spoke to this point when he said, "Never despair, but if you do, work on in despair." With that attitude a new breakthrough will come and passion will again flood your soul. The action step is to cultivate the will by fostering the proper relationship between the will and the emotions. Strengthen the will every day by doing something new that you should do but don't particularly want to. Remember that emotions make wonderful servants and horrible masters. 
3. It Takes a Vision: Vision is a clear mental picture of a preferred future. Vision produces passion with incredible intensity. Cultivate a vision for what you want your career to be and then work each day to bring it into reality. Disney World was Walt Disney's vision. He planned it and got it rolling, but died before it was actually built. On the day the park opened someone remarked to his brother Roy Disney, "Too bad Walt isn't here to see this." Roy's response was magical; Walt did see it and that's why it's here. Vision gives you the energy to put in the hard work required to achieve your dreams and keep working hard when you feel like quitting. Your action point might be to write a "retrospective" on your career by transferring your thoughts to the future and describing the perfect career as if it has already been achieved. Limit the vision statement to one page and read it often, tweaking it as it becomes clearer and more tangible. We all must realize that to a large extent we can shape our own lives to be what we desire them to be. It takes making the choice to become a passionate person. It takes the leadership of the will. Think of Michelangelo's David, the famous marble sculpture. The raw marble was hard and not particularly attractive. But Michelangelo saw "David" in the stone before he even started. That vision gave him the passion to hone the skills and exhibit the patience required to bring it forth. 

These three principles are foundational. They are not all there is to staying passionate about your work. It is important also to master things like: 

• Being passionate about your current career
• Transforming your career to match your vision of the perfect career
• Becoming an expert at what you do
• Continuing to grow through training and experience
• Making a difference that matters through your work

When the foundation outlined in these principals is properly laid, then building a career you are passionate about will be much easier. The path to doing it will be stunningly clear. Reject the foundation and the building will be weak and may collapse. We see the "ruins" all around us and the lament, "what might have been" is often heard. With passion that is persistent we may at first be surprised that we truly have, to a great degree, the power to create the life and career we want. As it starts to come to fruition our passion simply grows and the realization becomes rock solid that these foundational principles work. Become passionate therefore, and prosper in all that you do. 

Hard is it to believe after reading this introspective post, James is not a personal development writer. In fact, James is a technology reviewer and analyst working for a leading specialist in ink cartridges like the popular HP 300XL and other supplies to the creative industries in the UK. Along with being an ink cartridge specialist, he's also pretty great at writing inspiring pieces about how to be more passionate at work! 

achieve awesome by upgrading your reality

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In the must-read e-book, Upgrade Reality: The No-Nonsense Guide to Overcoming Personal Obstacles and Getting the Life of Your Dreams, author Dirk de Bruin writes, "It's your responsibility to achieve your goals and make your life awesome." It sounds like a simple truth, but it's a truth so many of us often forget. Reading Dirk's book serves as a great reminder that it's up to all of us -- not some outside, magical force -- to make our lives awesome. In the e-book, Dirk poses this question,"Why let anxiety, lack of confidence, or fear of judgment hold you back?" which led me to wonder how this question applies in my own life. Why, I asked myself, was I letting these things hold me back from the life I wanted to be living? I found, as a read more from Dirk, that I was given an opportunity to evaluate and find ways to overcome obstacles in my life that are holding me back. 

His e-book is both inspiring and motivating, causing me to both contemplate my life and take action. For example, he writes, "Overcoming any personal obstacle that stands between your life right now and the life you want to be living requires you taking action to make it happen," and then he provides solid advice on how to tackle almost any obstacle you encounter. And this is one small example of something I got out of reading the e-book. Here are some more of the benefits one might gain by reading Dirk's insight-filled book: 

 

• Become more creative
• Take more risks
• Create obtainable goals
• Find inspiration 
• Stop waiting, start acting
• Become a great leader
• Cope with anxiety
• Become more confident
• Find one's passion
• Gain emotional control
• Cultivate gratitude
• Find happiness within
• Eliminate negativity 

Yes, all of those things can be found in just one e-book! In fact, if you download Dirk's book, you'll find that there's even more great content that will help you create the life you've been waiting to be living. What I particularly love about the e-book is that Dirk tackles such a variety of topics but weaves them all together to show you just how all of them can help improve your life and upgrade your reality to awesome status. Many books focus narrowly on one issue, which can be good for some things, but Dirk's book covers such an broad spectrum that anyone can (and will!) benefit from reading it. 

One section I, of course, particularly loved was the section on "Self Esteem/Positivity." In this section, Dirk helps readers develop self-esteem by eliminating self doubt, negative thoughts, and self-limiting beliefs. If you are ever faced with doubt (and who isn't?), this section of the book is for you. Dirk's straight forward and helpful words will get right to the core of how you can get rid of negative thinking and being a more confident, positive person. As someone who tackles the issue of positivity on a daily basis, I was very impressed with Dirk's section on how to be positive -- and that's just one of the many great segments of the book. 

If you're looking for a great, inspiring book to read, be sure to download Dirk's Upgrade Reality. No matter what you need to be inspired by or for in your life, this e-book will certainly provide you will tons of great wisdom. I'm always reading, both books and online, and I rarely come across something so comprehensive as Upgrade Reality. And if you haven't already done so, I'd highly recommend checking out Dirk's blog as well, also called Upgrade Reality. You can visit him and learn more about him, self-improvement, and the e-book at UpgradeReality.com. Reading the e-book and reading the blog are two surefire ways to achieve awesome by upgrading your reality. 

  

6 benefits of having a positive attitude at work

Today's post was written by Breana Orland, a writer for Grants for College. Breana also gives advice on the pursuit of higher education and career options for young adults. The post she's written today will apply to anyone who's ever woken up and though, "Ugh, I don't want to go to work today." Work can be less-than-pleasant at times, but there are many benefits to having a positive attitude at the office. Read Breana's post and learn how you can make the most of your workday! 

Work.  The word conjures up many images: sitting at a desk, staring at a computer, standing behind a counter, taking notes, taking orders, taking abuse, writing and re-writing, lifting, lugging, flipping, folding, and hauling, not to mention dragging yourself, kicking and screaming, from bed each morning to do it all over again.  One thing that most people do not visualize when considering work is a Zen environment in which you remain happy and calm throughout the day, return home stress-free, and wake up excited to face each new day.  But you would be surprised at what you can achieve by simply adjusting your attitude to make your dream job a reality (no matter what your current profession is).  Make no mistake.  Positivity is a choice; one that many of us struggle to attain each and every day.  But there are many reasons why a good attitude is important in the workplace. 



6 Benefits of a Positive Attitude at Work
  

1.     Less stress.  To begin with, it’s healthier for you and everyone around you.  More and more studies are showing that stress can bring about a host of physical and mental problems, from insomnia, fatigue, and loss of concentration to more serious ailments like severe depression, bodily aches and pains, hypertension (high blood pressure), digestive disorders (as severe as ulcers), and even heart attack and stroke.  You need to nip it in the bud now to avoid both short- and long-term side effects. 

2.     Happy peers.   Your stress level will certainly effect those around you, whether you are so scattered that you can’t organize your thoughts enough to send a coherent email, or you lash out in anger and frustration at a startled (and undeserving) co-worker.  Improving your disposition will have a ripple effect that positively influences everyone you come in contact with.

3.     Job security.  A bad attitude (and subsequent side effects) can get you fired, so take it down a notch, take a deep breath, and take a break before you go off the deep end (and into the abyss).  An employee who gets the ball rolling and keeps everyone on track is a much better asset.

4.     Boundaries.  Having a positive attitude is not only necessary for your health (and job stability), it is also required to enjoy life.  But you will have to take steps to get to your happy place.  You may not have the career you dreamed of.  Most of us don’t end up doing what we want, or even what we plan, but you can’t focus on the negative.  Keep in mind that you work to make money.  Nothing more, nothing less.  You are not obligated to do anything other than provide the services for which you were hired, so setting your limits may help you to keep an even keel in the workplace.

5.     Empowerment.  Don’t let the man get you down.  There will certainly be times when you’ll have to deal with tasks you don’t enjoy, ridiculous deadlines and demands, and rude co-workers or managers.  An excellent way is to empower yourself by saying no.  If you are unable or unwilling to perform a task, simply say no.  It’s not easy, but it will make you feel pretty good.

6.     Control.  You control your life, your path, and your decisions (including, often, how you feel).  So don’t be afraid to leave your job and look for something better.  As for difficulties with others in your office, try to be rational and forthright.  A lot of people are willing to meet standards of behavior if you let them know their actions are inappropriate.  And there’s always the HR department if all else fails.

In the long run, you are sure to hit some brick walls when it comes to maintaining a positive attitude at your job.  But the main thing to remember is that you are the one with the power.  You can decide to live a positive life, see the good in any situation, and work to resolve conflict in a reasonable and stress-free way.  And realizing that you can stay or leave at your will can often make a work situation a lot more bearable.  So don’t sweat the small stuff.  Just keep your chin up, smile as much as you can, and remind yourself that life is only as good as you make it.
 

Breana Orland is a writer for Grants for College. Breana also gives advice on the pursuit of higher education and career options for young adults.

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achieve anything in just one year

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It wasn't all that long ago that I received a copy of Jason Harvey's Achieve Anything in Just One Year: Be Inspired to Live Your Dreams and Accomplish Your Goals in the mail. When I received the book, I thought to myself, "Yes! This is perfect! I have lots and lots of things I want to achieve and I could certainly use some help accomplishing my goals." I was excited to start reading and I dove into the pages almost immediately. The book -- which claims it will teach you how to: feel happier everyday; overcome procrastination; set goals and stick with them; stay motivated, focused and balanced; find out what you really want from life; take daily action that creates a ripple effect; and define, pursue and celebrate personal success -- seemed right up my alley and, as I went through the book page by page I learned that it really did contain a great deal of tips, quotes, and information that could help me become more motivated and determined to achieve my goals. As Harvey writes on one of the first pages, "You shape your future every day through the choices you make" and I decided to take his advice to heart by really reading the book thoroughly and following through with the recommended assignments. 

As Harvey says, "You can't sit around waiting for destiny to show up. You have to act" -- and that's what I did when I chose to read Harvey's book and participate actively in the assignments featured throughout. Some of you might be reading this right now and thinking to yourself, "Assignments? I don't think so! I have enough work to do!" But trust me... The tasks Harvey recommends in the pages of his book are things we should all be doing anyway, actions that really will help us take whatever dreams and goals we have to the next level. Some of the recommended assignments include: 
 

• Do at least one nice thing for someone. 
• Define yourself in 3 sentences or less. 
• Take a look at the people you spend time with. 
• Write down 5 things you are grateful for. 
• List 10 things that make you happy.

There is a new assignment for almost every day, which I found to be really motivating. Often we think of doing things like the tasks Harvey mentions in his book, but we never actually take the time to do them. Reading each short entry and following Harvey's advice has really helped me to feel as if I'm making progress when it comes to understanding and implementing my life goals. And, as an added bonus, the book is filled with tons of great quotes, which I always find particularly great sources of inspiration. 

In the book, Harvey writes, "Happiness does not happen randomly. It is a result of a series of actions. You have the power to make conditions right for happiness. You can choose happiness today by setting a goal that will command your thoughts, liberate your energy, and inspire your hopes." I couldn't agree more with that statement. When you want to choose happiness, you can. And one of the best ways to start focusing on your own happiness is to set a goal that will lead you down the path to happiness. As you may have experienced, setting a goal and sticking with it can be really difficult -- which is why this book is such a great resource. It not only provides you with 365 days of inspiration, but it also propels you to take action. 

If you're looking for inspiration and you want to achieve something great in the next year, I'd recommend picking up a copy of Jason Harvey's book. You'll be pleasantly surprised by the positive impact it will have on your goals -- and your life! To learn more about the book and its author, visit the Achieve Anything website. 

Looking for even more inspiration? Check out the new e-book, “Profit From Your Past: Crafting Publishable Literature Using Reflective Writing Therapy,” which strives to help people begin writing a book about their lives. First, the writer must reflect upon previous experiences and find the valuable lessons in these experiences. This reflection allows the writer to do two things: first, face their life honestly, which has a healing effect; and second, find the moral of the story, which will be the foundation of their literature. To learn more about Profit from Your Past, please visit www.WritingReflections.com.

  

positive change: a closer look at closest closet

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Today's post is the first in a new segment on Positively Present called "Positive Change." Posts labeled "Positive Change" will be featured periodically on Positively Present and will highlight the people, websites, and organizations that are striving to make the world a more positive place. As we all know, there is a lot of negativity in our world today and it makes me incredibly happy when I notice those really making an effort to make the world more positive. This first post focuses on the organization Closest Closet, which strives to "help you and your community save money and the planet by working together to conserve resources and share items and skills for free."

It was a few weeks ago that Joanna, creator of Closet Closet, contacted me to share information about her website with me. As she suggested to me in her initial email, there is a close link between her brainstorm-turned-reality site and Positively Present. Living a a positive life in the present requires a great deal of introspection and understanding of one's self, but it also requires that one be open to the idea of sharing the world around him or her with others. Life, when you think about it, really requires a lot of sharing. We share space. We share things. We share ideas. We share a great deal with the people around us. But, as Joanna has noticed, we could be sharing even more than we already do. According to Joanna, "Closest Closet unites members from any community around the globe to "share" household or business items and skills for free. Members can also recycle unwanted and recyclable materials directly to the local people who need them. The more items and skills shared, the less a community needs, thus building strong, self sustaining communities at no cost. As a byproduct of shared goods, the need for mass production of new goods decreases, and global carbon emission rates drop."

I don't know about you, but to me, that sounds like an awesome idea. Why wouldn't we want to share more with the people around us? Why wouldn't we want to get rid of the things we no longer use and lend them to others? Why wouldn't we want to offer our skills in exchange for someone else's skill that we might be lacking? To me, it sounds like an ideal situation. Closest Closet, "the one-stop web service for communities," allows its "members connect with neighbors or local businesses to borrow or lend items, give away unwanted items directly to those who need them, collect or save recyclable materials for others, or ask someone near them for help with a particular task, all for free." For free! How awesome is that?

How does it work? Well, as Joanna puts it,"Closest Closet works when 'requiring' that all members 'share' ten items and/or skills, in any combination of their own choosing with classified ads. In a community of 100 active members, that provides 1,000 items and/or skills remaining listed at any given time. By requiring members to participate, we remind people that we all have something to offer our communities, no matter what society has said about what our skills are worth. It also teaches us what it means to live in a community, and reminds us that we are all responsible for giving and taking." When it comes down to it, Closest Closet is all about giving and taking, which is what all of our relationships should be about.

Already, Closet Closet has an powerful and positive impact on the communities using its services. Joanna notes that "members are volunteering to provide skills such as reading to children at libraries, hosting tea parties, providing child care, teaching cooking or sewing, providing meals to the elderly, painting, photography, and more," and "members have made items such as books, college textbooks, baking supplies, craft supplies, party supplies, games, tools, pet supplies, and even space for use available to their communities." In addition, Closest Closet also positively impacts communities in other ways, including...

  

• Community Impact: The service will enable communities to remain sustainable by combining the contributions of its members. It encourages people to work together and utilize one another as a "lifestyle," not as a passing trend.By only offering directory services to locally owned and operated providers of goods, services, or foods, we encourage even more community strength by supporting our local economies. As businesses become involved as members, they also have a unique opportunity to connect with the communities they serve.

• Economic Impact: Families, individuals, communities, and businesses will be impacted as contributions are made and received free of charge, thus alleviating the financial burden of making purchases for items only needed temporarily, or skills needed occasionally.

• Environmental Impact: By sharing more physical items within communities, we become self-sustaining. A self-sustaining community purchases less. By purchasing less, a simple supply and demand effect would suggest less mass production. Less mass production means less global carbon emissions forced upon our environment.

Clearly, there are many layers to the impact of a site like Closest Closet. When asked what was the defining moment that led Joanna to make this innovative dream a reality, she replied,"I knew that there was something lacking in me, something that was missing. It was this feeling like I didn't 'belong' to this community that I am in, or any community for that matter. But then I realized that a lot of people probably felt like that, because we are in a society that competes with one another to have more and be better than everyone else. It's exhausting. I wanted to live in another country. I initially thought that I wanted to start my own 'intentional community.' I soon realized that the idea of living intentionally is so new to people, that maybe my mission in life was to get people to wake up and realize that EVERY community has the potential to be an 'intentional community.'" Joanna's idea of an "intentional community" really stuck with me. When I read those words, I really thought about them -- and her idea of Closest Closet -- and I thought, hey, this is really cool. This is the kind of thing we could all be involved and really, truly benefit from. 

As you can see from this post, Closest Closet can have a truly positive impact on the world and it's something we all could take part in and benefit from. Want to participate? Check out www.closestcloset.com and also check out the Closest Closet Blog. And for the most up-to-the-minute info, follow Closest Closet on Twitter @ClosestCloset. 

Do you know of any organizations, websites, or people
who are working hard to make a positive difference in the world?
Comment below, send me an email, or leave me a tweet on @positivepresent
 and tell me about the positive influences you're seeing in the world. 

5 steps for recovering from a bad decision

  "The doors we open and close each day
decide the lives we live." 

Flora Whittemore

   

Sometimes we find ourselves faced with difficult choices. We can be staring at two options and almost literally feel torn between which one to choose. We might know what the right choice is, but we might still have the desire to make the wrong one. Life is filled with moments in which you feel as if you are standing in a fork in the road, looking down two potential paths, and wondering which way you should go. Sometimes we find ourselves lost, uncertain of which path will lead us home. Other times we know which path will lead us further away and, yet, we might be so curious that we want to take that path. The wonderful thing about life is that we often have the option to travel down many different paths. However, that ability to make choices can also be one of the most terrifying things about life. 

In a life filled with choice after choice after choice, we're bound to make a few mistakes. Life can sometimes feel like a big game of trial and error, and often you don't have any idea what the best choice might be. But, at times,you've probably been in situations where you knew the right choice but chose the wrong one. And these situations, my friends, are some of the worst situations to overcome. It's a terrible feeling to make the wrong choice, but it's an even worse feeling to make the wrong choice when you knew the whole time that it was wrong. Coping with the aftermath of a bad decision with the knowledge that you knew from the get-go you were making the wrong choice is one of the hardest things to deal with. 

Having (unfortunately) had some experience with this myself, I've come up with some ways to deal with the effects of having made a decision you knew was wrong. It's not easy to make mistakes and it's certainly harder to make mistakes when you knew the whole time that you were making them, but, by focusing on the present and on being positive, it's possible to overcome, well, pretty much anything. 

5 Steps for Recovering from a Bad Decision

1. Take full responsibility. The first step you must take when having made a poor choice is recognize the part you played in a situation. It does no good at all to make excuses or rationalize or pretend that, for whatever reason, you aren't to blame. If you want to move forward from wherever you've found yourself, you have to take responsibility for your choices and actions. 

2. Understand your choices. Next, it's essential that you understand why you made the decision you made. Keep in mind that this is not a time to think of excuses for why it happened; this is a time to understand why it happened so you can avoid making similar decisions in the future. Really take some time to think about why you did what you did so you can begin to move on. 

3. Apologize and explain. If your decision hurt anyone else, the best thing you can do is apologize and explain. Don't offer excuses or try to play down the situation in any way. Be honest and open with those you have hurt and explain to them what you realized from Step 2. Once you've done that, it's also important to apologize to yourself and do what you can to come to terms with your decision. 

4. Focus on the present. When you've made a bad decision, it can be tempting to dwell on that but, believe me, that's a waste of time. The most productive thing you can do to move forward from your choice is to focus on what's happening now. Cut yourself some slack and begin to focus on the positive things you're currently doing instead of the negative things you have done. 

5. Be proactive in the future. The best thing you can do for yourself when you find that you've knowingly made a bad decision is to find ways to be proactive after the fact. Ask yourself what can be fixed or changed now. And then think about what you can do in the future to make sure you don't find yourself making similar decisions. Don't downplay the importance of taking future action. 

When you find yourself in a situation in which you've made a bad decision and there is no one to blame but you, it can be tempting to feel down on yourself and to start thinking negatively, but DON'T! No matter what you've done or what choices you've made, there is always hope for the present moment. The past, unfortunate as it might be sometimes, is gone. The only thing you can do at this point in time is move forward with a positive attitude and a focus on the now. That's not to say that things that happened in the past aren't important; they are. But you must realize that the only moment that is real is the moment that is right now -- and it's up to you to start making choices that will leave you feeling positive and happy to be living in every moment of your life. 

How do you cope internally with making bad decisions? 
What is the best way to handle the effects of a bad decision? 

  

Photo Credit: (♥)

is facebook positive?: the good and bad of logging on

(♥) 
 
 
 

Okay, so I'm going to let you know right now: I don't have a Facebook page. I know you're probably thinking exactly what one of my colleagues said to me last week when I told her that I didn't have Facebook. She half-laughed and said, "What?! Who doesn't have Facebook? Even my mom has a page!" Generally, that's pretty much the response I get when someone asks me the inevitable, "Are you on Facebook?" and I am forced to reply with a curt "Nope!" or a quick "No" followed by a change of subject. For those that love Facebook (and, realistically, that's a good majority of people), there's nothing more intriguing than someone who, when asked about it, quite literally has just said no. It's for this reason, that I typically try to avoid the conversation (or is it confrontation?) about why I don't have Facebook. Most of all, I like to avoid the question so many ask (or want to): How do you survive without it? 

Clearly, Facebook is an integral part of many people's lives. So much so, in fact, that many people cannot fathom life without it. In truth, I've given it a try. Awhile back, I logged on and created an account, happily uploading my favorite pictures and feeling that little burst of glee when someone requested me as a friend. And then reality set in. As a pretty private person, I realized quickly that I didn't want people to know what I was doing, what my relationship status was, or which "friends" were close enough to me to write on my wall. In the same vein, I didn't want to know what everyone else was up to either. Sure, there were people I cared about -- but those were the people I talked to often, shared actual offline time with, and I certainly didn't need Facebook to keep in touch with them. 

After maybe a month on Facebook, I deactivated my account, telling myself I was much better off without it. Without that website tacked to my browser as a Favorite, I could live my life without worrying who was watching me through the online binoculars of the web. I could be free from wondering (or worrying) about what other people were doing. Of course I wouldn't have some of the up-to-the-second details my friends would, and I'd certainly miss out on a ton of great photos ("Oh," they'd say when I'd ask to see the pictures from a fun night out, "They're up on Facebook!"), but I felt free when I finally deactivated my account. And it's that feeling of freedom that's served as a reminder never to log on again. 

However, my story is of the rare variety when it comes to tales of Facebook. Most people love it. Can't get enough of it. Log on first thing in the morning and last thing at night. According to Facebook itself, I seem to be in the ever-growing minority as the numbers of users continue to grow. In February 2010,  a mere six years after its initial launch in 2004, Facebook reached over 400 million active users on the site. Whether or not you participate in it or even like it, it's undeniable that Facebook is a pretty potent force in the online world. Even though I have chosen not to take part in it, I cannot ignore the wonder that is this website and I cannot help but ask myself the one question I ask about almost everything: Is it positive?

I've decided to take a closer look at Facebook and determine what I think are the good and bad aspects of the site. As happy as I am to be Facebook-less, I won't deny that there are some benefits to logging on and taking part in the social movement that most seem to love. And I also can't deny that I can see some big time negatives when it comes to the site. As with most things, there is a negative and a positive side when it comes to life on Facebook and, today, I'm going to take a little time exploring these to opposing views...

 

The Good

• Connecting with those who live far away. In the society we live in today, our relatives aren't a mere stone's throw away. They could be in different states, different countries, and sites like Facebook provide a great way to keep in touch with loved ones who are far away. Of course, there is always email too, but there's something about Facebook that allows for ultimate understanding of what's going on in someone's life. The pictures, the status updates, the postings all render a better picture of what's going on. For this reason, Facebook really is an amazing tool when it comes to keeping in touch. 

• More social interaction. For those who are less than super-social (um, like me), Facebook and other social media sites provide a great way to integrate more social interaction in their lives. Social interaction is key for human happiness; after all, we're designed to be social creatures. So, for those not as keen on the face-to-face stuff, Facebook provides an alternative way to get a daily dose of being social. And, for those who are super busy, Facebook is a great way to add some social interaction to a day that might otherwise not allow for it. 

• Keeping up-to-date on friends' lives. You might live only a few blocks away from your best friend, but life can get pretty hectic sometimes and it can be really hard to keep track of it all. Facebook allows you to stay up-to-date on whatever's going on with your besties without having to talk to them or see them every single day. Useful? Yes. Absolutely necessary? Probably not. While it might be nice to know that your best bud just saw an awesome concert last night, it's probably not a vital piece of information. That being said, it can still be a good way to keep current on what's going on with those you care about. 

• Opportunity to meet new people. Social networks like Facebook provide opportunities for you and others to meet new people, which can be a really great thing. By making new connections, you're not only being the social creature you've been designed to be, but you're also broadening your horizons and (hopefully) learning new things about yourself and the world. Meeting new people can be incredibly difficult, even if you're an extremely outgoing person, and Facebook is a great way to make connections -- and to do so with a little more background information about the person. You instantly have an opportunity to see what you have in common and to understand that person on another (albeit potentially superficial) level, making Facebook a great tool for making friends.  

• Ability to create large social network. There are plenty of people you probably would never call up and have a chat with, but you find them situated nicely among you friends on Facebook. This is one of the great beauties of Facebook; you can create a large social network without having to put in tons of face (or phone) time. Not only does this save a ton of time, but it also allows you to stay in touch with people who may be able to help you in the future. No matter what your needs might be -- a used couch, a job change, or a last minute idea -- if you have a large enough network on Facebook, there's probably someone who can help you out. Regardless of your age or interests, Facebook is an excellent networking tool. 

• Lots of great resources and information. Of course, you can always find information online, but sometimes there is information out there that you might not even know you are looking for and, on Facebook, it may present itself to you. On Facebook, you keep in touch with your friends and family and they might post some information or links that really interest you -- information you might otherwise have been unaware of. And it's all there, all in one spot, a tool to learn not only more about your friends and family, but also about the world of your social network. You can gain great understanding of those you surround yourself with (and, indirectly, of yourself) if you take a look at what's being posted on Facebook. 

  

The Bad

• Connecting with those you don't really need to. It seems to me that most people have a lot of friends on Facebook. Hundreds. Thousands, in some cases. And it makes me wonder: do you really need to have all of those connections? Sure, some of them are important and some are useful, but aren't some of them just a waste of time? I really believe it's a huge plus to be able to keep in touch with those that live far away, but I don't see much value in keeping up-to-date on a some guy you met in a bar. And never saw again. I'm sure there are many people out there who socialize only with close friends and family, but, for some, Facebook can be an endless string of information about people that don't matter. 

• Less face-to-face social interaction. Above I mentioned that there's great value in the level of Facebook-based social interaction. It allows people who otherwise might not socialize or who are too busy to socialize often to get their fill of social interaction. However, it really can take away from the amount of face-to-face interaction one has in his or her life. Facebook can sometimes serve as an excuse not to see someone in person, since you're already up-to-date on his or her life. Without the absolute need to go out and interact with friends and family, it's possible that Facebook may take the place of all social interaction for some, which is definitely not a good thing. 

• Keeping up-to-date on your exes' lives. When discussing the positive aspects of Facebook, I talked about how great it was to keep up with your friends' lives. However, there's a flip side to this coin: you also have the privilege of keeping up to date on everyone else's lives, including your exes and enemies (if you have any). From what I've seen, this is the absolute downfall of Facebook for many people. It is a serious problem when people keep track of their exes, checking their statuses and knowing way more about them than is healthy or acceptable. I've seen some pretty heavy heartaches as a result of checking Facebook, and, for that reason, I have to say that this is a big negative when it comes to thinking about how the site affects lives. 

• Opportunity to lose all privacy. Facebook offers the opportunity to meet new people -- and connect with old friends -- but it also offers you the lovely opportunity to take your privacy and throw it out the window. Yes, I know there are settings and Facebook does work on creating the most privacy for those that want it, but, no matter what, information about you is still available on the internet and even if only your very best, best friend is allowed to see it, there's still a chance that someone, somehow, will see it too. Some people are very careful with what they put online and I'm sure they have nothing to be private about...but others... well, there are plenty of people who have suffered from a lack of privacy due to Facebook and that makes it a really hard site to want to be a part of. 

• Potential to be addictive. Now, if we're honest, we all have our addictions. For some, it's ice cream or crack or cigarettes. For others, it's the internet. And, for those who like to get really specific with their addictions, it's Facebook. I wouldn't be surprised if there are already self-help groups for Facebookers, because there are some people who are seriously, detrimentally into it. They cannot get enough and find themselves checking it constantly, updating themselves on the statuses of people they probably don't care all that much about. It might sound silly, but Facebook and other social media sites absolutely have the potential to be addictive. If one is prone to this type of addiction, creating a Facebook account is just like playing with fire -- there's a serious risk involved and the effects could be dangerous. 

• Overload of information. As great as Facebook is for information (there's tons of it!), there can definitely be too much of a good thing when it comes to checking up on the status and posting of others. In addition to all of the information you can gather about friends and family, there's also all of the links they post and tidbits of info they share via Facebook. It can be a blessing or a curse, depending on how you choose to filter the information. For many, it can be extremely overwhelming and it's difficult to determine what's useful and what's not. Less is more when it comes to online information, and Facebook certainly isn't providing less. 

As you can see from the bullets above, there are both positive and negative aspects of using Facebook and, depending on how you look at it, one might be able to outweigh the other. Personally, Facebook isn't positive for me. When I was using it, I found myself wasting time, knowing too much about people I didn't need to know about, and wondering obsessively if private information of mine was being spread like wildfire across the internet. No matter what I rationalized, when it came down to it, I determined that using Facebook did more harm than good in my life. But that's just me. For some people I know, it's the best thing since the invention of the internet. It's something they can't imagine living without. Whatever your stance is when it comes to Facebook, it's important to consider both the positive and negative aspects of everything you do in life. Whether you have a Facebook page or you choose not to have one, it's essential to ask yourself the following question about using Facebook (or any social media site): Am I making a choice that's positive for me? 

 What do you think about Facebook? Do you love it? Hate it? 
Do you think Facebook (and similar social media sites) has a positive impact on society? 

  

no more excuses: self-discipline's power to change your life

 (♥)
 

Recently I had a chance to read Brian Tracy's No Excuses!: The Power of Self-Discipline and I have to say, without any hesitation, that this book is a must-read. As I was reading it, I realized that page after page was filled with insights that applied to my life in so many ways. So many of the topics I like to write about and talk about on Positively Present were covered in this book. I had no idea this would be the case, as I was expecting the book to be completely about self-discipline. And it was -- but I learned that self-discipline (something I'd love to be better at but can't say is my strong suit) actually has to do with so many more aspects of life than we realize. In Tracy's book, he argues the point that, in order to succeed in life, you need self-discipline. Not money, not amazing luck -- self-discipline. The book shows readers why this is true (and after reading it, I really do believe it is!) and also how you can achieve personal success, business success, and overall happiness by mastering self-discipline. There are 21 chapters about self-discipline in the book -- on topics ranging from responsibility to leadership to marriage to courage -- and all of them taught me something new about the concept of self-discipline and how it can be applied to my life. 

As I was sitting on the couch, reading the book, I kept reaching for my pen, underlining and underlining the parts that applied to me and that I found interesting. At some point -- about half-way through the book -- I put the pen down because I realized I would just be underlining every other line if I kept noting all of the things that interested me. Today I'm going to share some of my favorite insights from the book here, though, as I said, these are only a few of the many, many useful nuggets of information found in the book. If you're looking for a self-help book of any kind or if you're looking to make some changes in your life but don't know how, this is the book for you. Check out some of the quotes below and keep in mind the the book is filled with wisdom -- and absolutely worth a read. 

Words of Wisdom from Brian Tracy

"Self-discipline is the key to personal greatness. It is the magic quality that opens all doors for you and makes everything else possible. With self-discipline, the average person can rise as far and as fast as his talents and intelligence can take him [or her]. But without self-discipline, a person with every blessing or background, education, and opportunity will seldom rise above mediocrity." 

"Success is possible only when you can master your own emotions, appetites, and inclinations. People who lack the ability to master their appetites become weak and dissolute... Your ability to control your actions, control what you say and do, and ensure that your behaviors are consistent with your long-term goals and objectives is the mark of the superior person." 

"Successful, happy people are concerned with the positive, long-term consequences of their behaviors, whereas unsuccessful people are more concerned with personal enjoyment and immediate satisfaction." 

"The more you practice self-discipline, the better your self-image. You see yourself and think about yourself in a more positive way. You feel happier and more powerful as a person." 

"Success is possible only when you can overcome the natural tendency to cut corners and take the easy way. Lasting success is possible only when you can discipline yourself to work hard for a long, long time." 

"Wisdom can be developed in private, through study and reflection, but character can be developed only in the give and take of daily life, when you are forced to choose and decide among alternatives and temptations." 

“People always tend to behave on the outside consistently with the way they see themselves on the inside... When you see yourself as calm, positive, truthful, and possessed of high character, you behave with greater strength and personal power.”

"Accepting responsibility is one of the hardest of all disciplines, but without it, no success is possible. The failure to accept responsibility and the attempt to foist responsibility for things in your life that make you unhappy onto other people, institutions, and situations completely distort cause and effect, undermine your character, weaken your resolve, and diminish your humanity. They lead to making endless excuses."

"The good news is that, at any time, you can stop thinking about, discussing, and rehashing the past. You can let it go and begin thinking about your goals and your unlimited future." 

"The very act of taking the time to decide what you really want in each area of your life can change your life completely." (Tracy provides an awesome 7-Step Method for Achieving Goals too!)

"Your thoughts create the conditions of your life. When you change your thinking, you change your life. Your outer world becomes a mirror-image reflection of your inner world." 

"You have to make a firm, unequivocal decision that you are going to pay any price and go any distance in order to achieve the goals you have set for yourself." 

  

The quotes above are only a few of the words from the pages and pages of insights that are in Brian Tracy's book. It truly is a great place to find wisdom on how you can change or improve almost any (and every!) aspect of your life. Toward the beginning of the book, Tracy writes, "Your success in life depends more on the person you become than on the things you do or acquire. As Aristotle wrote, 'The ultimate end of life is the development of character.' In these chapters, you will learn how to develop and use discipline in order to become an excellent person. You will learn how to develop greater self-esteem, self-respect, and personal pride." After finishing the book and writing this post, I reflected back on Tracy's words and realized that he is right: Self-discipline really does lead to a more positive life and a better acceptance and tolerance of one's self. That being said, I leave you with this question to ponder... 

 
Tracy argues that self-discipline makes people think of themselves more positively,
 but do you think all forms of self-discipline are positive?
 Is there a line that can be crossed when self-discipline turns from a positive force
 in one's life to a negative (perhaps obsessive...) one?