positively present

what would the kid you think of you now?

 

I've been working on a personal project that involves digging through my old notebooks and cracking open cabinets and boxes at my parents' house that I haven't looked into in years. In all those old journals and boxes, I'm finding bits and pieces of my childhood self—a self I, quite frankly, haven't thought too much about in years. It's hard to think back to the years of my childhood and not have tainted memories. Memories are always so subjective. I do, however, have the journals I kept back then and, paging through them, I found some interest tidbits to give me insight into what I was like back then. Take this entry for example: 

 

July 21, 1996

“I guess it was always my dream, even back [when I was five and wrote my first story], to be a writer. But who knows? I don’t like to dwell on the future too much. I prefer the past— and, of course, the present.” 

 

Clearly, some of my twelve-year-old interests (writing! the present!) aren't so far from what I focus on these days (and, truth be told, I'm still focusing more than I should on the past, something I'm constantly working on). Back when I was a kid, I don't think I would have been too surprised to hear I would grow up to be a writer. After all, it's the only thing I ever really wanted to be. The writer thing might not have surprised the kid me, but my younger self may have been surprised to see how much my 1996 New Year's Resolutions were mirrored by my 29 Things To Do Before I Turn 30 list (the bold text is from the list I made in August 2012): 

 

January 1, 1996

Here are some of my resolutions to create a new me this year:

1. Spend at least 1 hour with [my dog, Pooky] a week.
   Enjoy my time with [my dog] Bella. 
2. Write to each of my pen pals at least once a month.
   Send more snail mail. 
3. Be more organized.
   Scan + file my old photos.
   Rid my life of useless items.
4. Spend more time writing (maybe take a writing class).
   Publish + sell my books.

 

Reading those resolutions all these years later (and seeing how similar my current goals are) got me thinking: What would the kid version of me think of me now? Am I measuring up to what I thought I would become? 

Looking back, I'm surprised at how much I'm like the person I was back then. Looking around me, I'm startled to see so many remnants of my childhood self—a magnetic board beside my desk with clippings and photos that matter to me is so similar to the bulletin board I had as a kid; the bookshelves lined with Sweet Valley High and Mary Downing Hahn books could have been transported from the early '90s; the white Wii console encases the vintage Mario video games I still find myself indulging in from time to time; orange, a color that's always held my heart, can be found splashed about the room, most notably on the pumpkin-hued couch; and the Halloween-themed blanket I received in 1996 is draped across my bed, a constant reminder of the holiday I've loved for as long as I can recall. 

All around me, bits of my childhood have been sprinkled on my adult life. I wonder if my kid self would have expected this, or perhaps she would have expected a somewhat more grown-up existence by the time I was nearly thirty. It seems my generation is inexplicably drawn backward toward childhood. '80s and '90s clothing and memorabilia has had a resurgence in popularity in recent years. What's old is new again—and though that always seems to happen, it seems so powerful in this generation. It feels less like nostalgia and more like a desire to get back there to that carefree time of childhood. 

And it's no wonder that people want to go back to (what seemed like) a simpler time. But reading my old journals, I realize childhood wasn't quite as carefree as adults romanticize it to be. There was stress and strife. Yes, it was a different type of discomfort, but in the moment (and isn't that what matters most?), those childhood worries seem as monumental as the concerns weighing heavy on an adult mind. For me, being an adult is actually much easier than being a child. I craved autonomy and independence; I loved spending time within the confines of my own mind, something that's much more acceptable in the adult world. 

Being an adult might be easier for me, but my childhood clearly is still a big part of who I am—and I'm pretty sure it always will be. The books and activities and thoughts that shaped me into the person I am today cannot be let go of, even if I wanted to set them free. When I reflect more on the question What would the kid you think of you now? I like to think she'd be pleased. As an adult, I now spend my days doing what I love, surrounded by things that make me smile—a loving boyfriend, lovely canine pals, a few close and wonderful friends, rows and rows of books. My kid self might be surprised by some things—I don't live in a house as "grown ups" often do; I still read some of the same childhood books over and over again; I got rid of my LipSmackers collection, ha!—but overall I think she would be pleased by the person I've become. Adult life is far from perfect, but I think it's surprisingly close to what my kid self would have wanted. 

By now, I'm sure you've pondered the question yourself—What would my kid self think of me now?—and perhaps it seems silly to spend so much time reflecting on a question that can never be answered, a question that doesn't seem to serve a real purpose. But the more I ponder it, the more I realize there's value in comparing our childhood selves to who we have become as adults. When we think back on what we loved then—and notice how much of it we still love now—we have a better understanding of what really inspires us, what makes us feel excited about life. 

When we think back on who we once were—and the ways we are still the same—we reconnect with our childhood selves. We reclaim a bit of our muchness. And when we do that, we bring a fresh perspective to the present moment. As kids, we're so lucky to have a lifetime of plans and dreams ahead of us. Anything could happen. We could be anything, do anything. We still can, of course, but as a kid the possibilities seem endless. When we reflect on what we once were, and on what we thought we would be, we reconnect with the part of ourselves that is endlessly hopeful, the part that believes we can create the life we want to live. Connecting with that part of yourself, however briefly, serves as a reminder that you are, in fact, in control of your destiny. Pondering what the younger you would think of you serves as a way to reconnect to the essense of who you truly are, to consider if the present is as positive as you once thought it would be. 

5 ways to stop a bad day from bringing you down

No matter how much you strive to be positive and present, you're bound to have a bad day every now and then. A bad day is unpleasant enough, but when you start allowing a bad day to influence the way you feel about yourself, it turns into a much more serious matter. Unfortunately, some days are so rotten that it's hard not to let them impact your self-worth. If you make a terrible mistake or have a massive error in judgment, it can be nearly impossible not to start thinking of yourself as a bad person. But you can't let a bad day (or week or month...) get in the way of loving who you are. 

Preventing a bad day from spiraling out of control in your mind can be difficult. When things are bad, everything starts to seem bad. But here are five ways you can stop a bad day from impacting the love you have for yourself.

 

1. Remember your good qualities. 

When you're battling a bad day, it can be hard to remember all the things you're really good at and all of the wonderful qualities you possess. When things are going bad, take a time out from whatever you're doing and list out the things you're good at. Remind yourself of all the ways you're completely and utterly awesome. 

 

2. Talk it out with someone you trust.

 An outside perspective is always helpful on a bad day. When you talk with someone you trust (and preferably someone who knows just how awesome you are), you'll see the day in a new light. Just talking about what's troubling you can help you feel better -- and you never know what kinds of insights someone else might have. 

 

3. Keep it in perspective.

 Easier said than done when you're in the midst of a terrible day, but it's important to keep the bad day in perspective. One bad day (or even a lot of bad days!) doesn't mean everything is bad -- or will continue to be bad. Things will get better and it's important not to lose sight of that very essential truth. 

4. Make a (or review your) gratitude list.

 If you have a gratitude list, pull it out on a bad day and review all of the things you have to be grateful for. If you don't have a list, make one. Write down everything you're thankful for. Once you do this, you'll start to realize that, even though some things are bad, there are a lot of things to be grateful for. 

5. Ask others to help you out.

 Sometimes we're so overwhelmed by what's going wrong that we forget we can ask for help. When you're having a tough time, ask for help. Doing so doesn't mean you're any less strong or capable. It means you're smart. You're smart enough to know you can't do it all. Just asking someone else to lend a hand can be a great act of self-love.  

 

Bad days are unavoidable. They happen to us all, and they're bound to make us feel not-so-great. It's okay to get down when you have a bad day, but it's not okay to let that one day impact how you feel about yourself. No matter how bad the day gets, keep your head up -- and keep these five tips in mind. And if you need an additional self-love boost, download the free self-love reminder below. You can print it out and put it up wherever you need an reminder to love yourself!

 

Click Here to Download

who do you think you're not?

Valentine's Day might be over, but there's no shortage of love here at Positively Present. Self-love, that is! Self-Love Month is going strong and I couldn't be happier with the positive responses I've received to both the self-love posts and The ABC's of Self-Love book. It's so wonderful to see how many people really believe in the importance of self-love. 

The more I ponder the concept of self-love, the more I realize how labels really impact how we feel about ourselves. I've written about this topic before in the post "I Am: Two Little Words, One Big Impact," but now I'm looking at it from a different angle. How we feel about who we are is not only based on the ways we choose to define ourselves, but also by the ways we deny ourselves to be defined. 

Most of our limitations exist in our minds, fueled by the notion that we are boxed into specific categories and cannot get out of them. This all sounds a little abstract, so I'll give you a personal example.

If someone were to ask me what I was, I would say, "I'm a writer." Most of the time, I consider that a positive thing (after all, it is what I'm most passionate about), but there are times when I feel like that definition of who I am holds me back. Lately, I've been really investing a lot of time and energy into graphic design classes and I've fallen head over heels in love with playing around in Illustrator and InDesign. I'll ponder the idea of incorporating my love of graphic design into my career in someway, and this little voice in the back of my head will say, You're a writer, not a graphic designer.

And it's those last four words that hold me back more than the first three. "You are..." contains some element of positivity and self-love, even when used in a limiting context, whereas "you are not..." is almost always negative (unless, of course, the phrase that follows it is negative, as in "You are not a serial killer."). We all, in some ways, limit ourselves in the way we define who we are. The "I am..." phrases, no matter how positive, can hold us back at times. But it's the "I am not..." phrases that can be particularly worrisome when it comes to self-love. 

Take, for example, my situation. Yes, I am a writer. And, no, I am not a graphic designer. But does that mean that I cannot incorporate my love of graphic design into my writing in some way? Do I have to be one or the other? Do I have to limit myself (as so many of us often do) to one thing that I'm passionate about? The answer to all of these questions is NO. I don't have to limit myself. I don't have to choose to be one thing or another. 

Most of us are pretty complex beings. We're not so easily pushed into boxes with neat and tidy labels. The trouble is, it's often easier for our minds to understand others (and ourselves) if we have organized labels for everything. In some ways it makes sense, but it many others, it holds us back from being whatever we want to be. It holds us back from possibility. 

Today take a moment to consider who you think you're not. Listen to yourself when you speak the words, "I'm not..." and ask yourself if that's really true. Sometimes it is. For example, when I say, "I'm not an outdoorsy kinda girl," that statement is true. I will never be rock-climbing, trail-hiking outdoorswoman. I will be a great many things, but never that. But when I hear myself say things like "I'm not a graphic designer" or "I'm not an artist" or a great many other "I'm not..." phrases, I have to pause and ask myself, Am I really not that? 

Maybe I won't be everything I could be (there's only so much time in a life!), but I won't be making the most of who I am if I limit my definitions of myself. Self-love means loving all of who you are -- even the parts that might not fit so easily into categories, even the parts that don't always make sense. While accepting your limitations is a part of loving who you are, so too is knowing which limitations are real and which are self-inflicted. 

how to be your own valentine

 

It's that time of year when Valentine's Day is just days away and the world is filled with talk of love and expectations and gifts. It's the time of year some people can't wait for and the time of year most people can't for to be over.  Some dread it is because they don't have someone to love -- or to love them. Some dread it because, even if they do have someone special, the hoopla surrounding the holiday is just too much pressure. 

Here at Positively Present, and particularly during Self-Love Month, we believe that there's absolutely no reason why you need someone else to celebrate a day of love. And there's no reason why you shouldn't love yourself every single day of the year. No need to wait for the 14th of February to be your own valentine. 

While I won't deny that having a sweetheart on Valentine's Day does bring a bit of happiness into the dreary month of February, I also know that a lot can be gained from loving oneself (with or without a significant other in the picture). Being one's own valentine -- not only on February 14, but every day of the year -- is one of the best ways to live a positive life. Here's how you can get started: 

 

1. Tell yourself how great you are. You don't have to wait around for another person to tell you that you're beautiful or smart or amazing or talented. Yes, compliments feel wonderful coming from others, but they also feel pretty great when you give them to yourself. Many of us focus on what we've done wrong or how we could be better, and, while I'm all about self-improvement, it doesn't help us improve when we're just bringing ourselves down. Resolve to give yourself a compliment every single day of the year. 

2. Send yourself a special gift. Getting gifts from others is nice (in fact, it's my primary love language), but there's no reason why you can't treat yourself to something nice every once and awhile, just as you might do for someone you love. It doesn't have to be some big, grand, romantic gesture (though it can be... who says you can't send yourself dozens of roses?), but it should be something that makes you feel really good, something that you would be wowed by if someone else did for you.  

3. Indulge in a treat occasionally. The definition of what a "treat" is will vary for each of us, but every now and then, you should allow yourself a bit of indulgence, the way you would on Valentine's Day if your significant other gifted you with a big box of chocolates. Whether it's chocolates, a spa day, or even just a nice relaxing hour with a good book, indulging in what you really enjoy is a great way to show yourself love and to remind yourself that you're worthy of such an indulgence. 

4. Give back to what matters to you. Oddly enough, one of the best ways to feel loved is share your love with the world. Give time, money, or resources to a cause that's important to you. Or spend time with someone (a friend, a grandparent, etc.) who matters a lot to you. When you put love for people (or causes) out into the world, you feel a wonderful sense of pride and fulfillment. We all have things that matter to us and one way to validate their importance is to give back to them in some way.  

5. Surround yourself with what you love. Another great way to show yourself love is to create an environment that makes you feel safe and happy. When you look around your living space, it should make you feel as if you show yourself love. You should see photos or art that is meaningful to you. You should see colors and patterns that make you happy. We all deserve to be in a place that makes us feel loved, and it's up to you to create that space for yourself. 

 

Whether or not you have a significant other this Valentine's Day, the season of love is a great time to remind yourself how important it is to love who you are. The more you love and appreciate yourself, the more positive and present you'll become. Of course, loving yourself isn't always easy. In fact, it's something most of us struggle with a great deal (whether we admit it or not!). If you need some advice or inspiration for loving yourself, be sure to check out The ABCs of Self-Love, a book filled with self-love tips and reminders. 

the abc's of self-love: inspiration for loving who you are

Self-Love Month is making a comeback! Back in 2011, I launched Self-Love Month, a month dedicated to celebrating yourself and how awesome you are -- and this year I've decided to bring it back. The more I contemplate what makes a positive and present life (and, believe me, I contemplate it a lot!), the more I realize the importance of self-love. It's one of the most important (if not the most important) elements for being positive and staying present. 

Unfortunately, this very important aspect is something most of us struggle with. In a world in which we are constantly encouraged to be more, to be better, we often lose sight of how great we already are. And that's exactly why I created my new e-book, The ABC's of Self-Love: A Positively Present Guide to Loving Who You Are Now. 

This guide is designed to help create more self-love in the world because, the way I see it, the more people love themselves, the less negativity they'll put out into the world. Self-love might seem, to some, to be selfish, but it's quite the opposite. Loving yourself is a way to make the world a better place. Whether you're confronted with little inklings of self-doubt or you're a full-blown self-hater, this guide has been created to help you fall in love with the person you spend every second of your life with: you. 

Throughout the month of February, I'll be touching on the topics discussed in the guide, but in the guide you'll get all the details behind the 26 top ways to love who you are now. Below are samples of a few pages, which have been designed to be read easily on your computer or printed out and posted where you need inspiration the most:

 

 

In celebration of Self-Love Month, the PDF is available for $8 for a limited time. In the guide you'll find everything you need to start (or keep!) loving who you are, including advice and inspiration for:

• Accepting who you are
• Learning to do what you love
• Embracing change
• Letting go of the past
• Quieting self-doubt
• Getting rid of negativity
• And so much more!

Think about all the time, energy, and money you spend trying to improve your relationships with others. But what about your relationship with yourself, the relationship that's the foundation for all your other interactions? It's time to start creating a great relationship with you. Click below to buy your copy of The ABC's of Self-Love. At just $8, purchasing this beautifully designed, inspiration-filled PDF is the perfect way to show yourself a little love!