positively present

living in the present: an interview with kristen moeller

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I recently wrote a post called, "How to Stop Waiting: Lessons from a Self-Help Junkie," in which I reviewed the very inspiring and easy-to-relate-to book by Kristen Moeller, "Waiting for Jack: Confessions of a Self-Help Junkie." (For those of you who haven't yet picked up a copy, it's worth it. Great read.) In that post, I talked about my experience with the book and, of course, Kristen's own experience with waiting on the next self-help fad to save her. I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to interview Kristen and gather some of her thoughts on living in the present moment, as well as her suggestions on living a more positive life. Here's what Kristen had to say...

Why is it so important to live in the present moment? 

Before the book The Power of Now there was The Precious Present. I first heard the message of this book in 1989 while in treatment for the second time.  It tells a story… it rocked my world.  I didn’t live in the present and I wasn’t even present to this fact. The present moment is the only moment that really exists. The past becomes a memory, the future is only a thought—all we have is now. Life happens now and now and now.  If we aren’t present, we miss the real gifts of life that are happening right now. 

How does living in the present impact your life on a daily basis? 

Living in the present reminds me of what is most important to me.  My life is quite full and I can easily get caught up in the details and miss the beauty.  Earlier today, a bellowing thunderstorm settled in around my house. What matters to me is taking a break from my work and comforting my 95 pound dog who shivered with fear at each thunder crash.  What matters to me is stopping to breathe; taking time to comfort a friend; not just listening to but hearing my favorite band. These are thing things I will remember at the end of the day or the end of my life—not how many emails I answered or bills I paid.

What has changed for you since you stopped waiting? 

Sometimes I still do wait—but I have shown myself the power of simple actions. When I grabbed the $100 bill out of Jack Canfield’s hand, I altered my life forever. I didn’t realize this at the time. I knew I was taking bold action.  Now I consciously remind myself that the simple action I take today can lead to a miracle tomorrow. We never know. The point is to keep moving forward, keep stretching, growing and being willing to go for it. 

How has living in the now made your life more positive? 

The sweetest thing in the world is to fully soak up the lusciousness of the present moment. We may not like some moments and with others’ we may be more inclined to absorb them—but true life is in the richness of the moment. No matter how difficult a moment is, there is something to appreciate. The only “problem” with any moment is our resistance to it. When I remember this, I have the keys to the kingdom. 

What advice would you offer for living in the present moment? 

The advice I offer is to keep returning to the present moment.  We will constantly drift from it. We will plan, worry, regret. In milder ways, we will drift, we will daydream, and we will go on auto-pilot. Just keep returning to the present. Attempt to have at least one thing a day that you totally take in.  Absorb it, sense it fully consciously do this. Right now, the rain is falling on the metal roof of my house. A moment ago, I stopped and truly listened. I closed my eyes and heard the sounds. The thunder crashing, the rain falling.  Tomorrow I will be able to recall it clearly. Many times we go through a day on auto-pilot and cannot remember anything with clear detail.  Each day, choose at least one thing to fully experience. Then you know you are really alive. 

I'm very thankful that Kristen was able to share her answers to these questions and provide me (and you!) with some insights about living a more positive and present life. Like so many of us interested in personal development and trying to make our lives the best they can possibly be, Kristen was sucked into waiting, to searching for the next thing that would be the one thing to save her. You can read more about Kristen's journey (and my own journey of reading her work) in the post "How To Stop Waiting: Lessons from a Self-Help Junkie."

how to let go of the past & thrive in the present

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While I'm recovering from my little sister's big wedding, I'm featuring a guest post on the site today. Today's guest post was written by Sui Solitaire, a writer and photographer who writes at cynosure about happy, healthy living, especially loving yourself, body image, food and eating, loving others, & loving our planet. Her post about letting go of the past is really a great reminder of why living in the present is so important.
 

Once upon a time, I was a constantly dripping puddle of regret. I regretted almost everything: allowing myself to be in compromising situations where I was hurt badly, be in relationships with people who took advantage of me, where I went to school, where I didn't go to school... it was as if I were always paralyzed with thinking about how the past could have been different, "if only". Slowly, though, I learned to let go of each and every one of my regrets, and even came to realize that without all those terrible experiences, I wouldn't have been able to become a stronger person. Moving on from the past and your regrets can seem difficult, but that's a belief in itself, and remember, the only person in charge of your beliefs and thoughts is you. With a little bit of self-love, gentle awareness, and patience, you can learn to let go of your regrets and thrive in the present!

  

• Be patient with yourself. Allow yourself to grieve, to feel how you truly feel about it. Without grieving first, you won't be able to make space in your heart for healing. Feel all the emotions you need to feel for as long as you need to, and you'll be able to let go of those emotions because they've run their course. Don't get stuck in a cycle of feeling sorry for yourself, though. Pitying yourself won't help you get over it and will do nothing for you except continue your misery.
  
  

• Choose to stop focusing on the past. You are in command of what you regret and what you hold on to, and by first making the conscious choice to start letting go you can be confident in yourself that you will be able to move on. Feel yourself in the present, your surroundings. Look at the date and time-- it is far and away from whatever it was in the past that caused you grief, simply because it is no longer a part of right now.
  
  

• Think about how you can change the outcome of whatever happened in the present. Could you apologize to someone or do something else right now to change the situation or move on from this? Or if it's a situation that can't be affected at this point, remember that you can't change the outcome. What you can do, however, is choose what you will do next time if a similar situation happens again, or what you do now.
  
  

• Be thankful for everything in the past. Yes, I'm telling you to feel gratitude for anything you regret or think was terrible in your past. Whatever happened is not to be regretted, but instead to be a lesson. If you keep on dwelling on the negative aspects of it, you might miss out on a wonderful opportunity to grow. Think about how you can learn from this or how it's made you into a more resilient and capable person. When you realize that it might have actually just been a challenge to help you become a more resilient and awesome person, you can set yourself free.
  
  

• Remind yourself that you're in the present and that the past literally doesn't exist anymore. The past can't affect you in any way... unless you let it. Don't let it. You have control over what you let affects you; forbid it from affecting you anymore. Imagine it's a person; tell it how you feel, honestly. Tell your past that you are going to stop letting it make you feel a certain way. You are strong.
  
  

• Stop thinking about it. First be aware of your thoughts and let them come and go freely, and be conscious of when you're thinking of the past. Don't try to suppress them when they first arise seemingly naturally, but by being aware of them you can be aware of your choice to create those thoughts. You are in control of your own mind. Make the choice to think of the past less and less often.
  
  

• Take a deep breath, and as you exhale, feel yourself exhaling the negative feelings. Breathe in life and the present, breathe out what no longer exists (the past). Do this several times. Try to imagine your regret as something you're holding in your hand (or heart), and slowly, gently, let it go. This may take a few tries, or you might have to do it every time your mind thinks of it again, but you'll feel better a little more each time you do.

Sui Solitaire is a lover, writer, and photographer who writes at cynosure about happy, healthy living, especially loving yourself, body image, food and eating, loving others, & loving our planet (with a mix of photography and her own story too!). Her book, Pleiades, an anthology of her best poetry & prose from the last decade, is coming your way this summer. You can read more articles or get them by RSS, follow her on Twitter @rvxn or Facebook, and check out her photography.

bella on being present: 11 tips from my dog

   

 
 
 
 

Not too long ago, I was reading the book Waiting for Jack: Confessions of a Self-Help Junkie, by Kristen Moeller, and I came across a section on animals and how they help us to live more positive, more present lives. Moeller writes, "By surrounding myself with animals, I have a constant reminder of what is really important to me: being present, unconditional love, deep connections, quiet, and peace. My animals help ground me, help me remember the path I am on."  Though I've contemplated the benefits of pets before, and even wrote about it a little bit in the post "It's a Bella Life," something about Moeller's words really spoke to me and I began giving some serious thought to how much my dog helps to keep me both positive and present.

Moeller writes, "If we are open and willing, animals can teach us to be better humans... Animals can inspire us to be less busy, more present, less worried, more joyful, and more passionate about life. They will never judge us for the things we do or don't do. Animals don't complain. They don't create drama... Their view of the world is immediate. They don't regret the past, fear the future, or take themselves 'so damn seriously.' And they teach us to be excited about the little things, the simple pleasures in life -- dried dog food for dinner (again) never seems to lose its magic." After reading these words, I realized the glaring truth in them. Animals, especially pets, really do help us in all of these ways. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that my sweet little Bella is one of the driving forces helping me to stay positive and stay present.

Silly as it may sound, over the past six years, Bella has taught me a great deal about life -- and particularly about being present. I have to admit that she's not the most positive of dogs: she does her best to attack every dog she sees; she often sniffs and rejects the carefully prepared dinner she's been given; she distrusts and shies away from most men; she tugs aggressively at her leash in a rush to get outside; she barks incessantly at every car or truck driving past; and she has no shame when it comes to drinking out of my glass or using her eight-pound body to somehow masterfully hog the bed. But, in spite some of her less-than-positive qualities, she does love unconditionally, live with fierce loyalty, and shows me every single day the little ways that one can be more positive and more present. Here are some of the lessons about being present that I've learned from Bella...

 

Bella's Tips for Being Present

• Do less every day. Bella doesn't overwhelm her schedule with To Do lists and appointments and activities. Bella knows how to take it easy. She spends most of her day relaxing and another good chunk of it playing. Now, I know we all would love to play all day long, but since that's not an option for most of us, I think we should all take a tip from Bella and just do less. Make fewer appointments. Schedule fewer activities. And, instead, spend more time living in the moments you're experiencing right now. 

• Live in the moment. Never once I have noticed Bella fretting about the past or panicking about the future. Bella lives in the moment. Whatever is happening to her right in that particular moment is what she pays attention to. She lives in the now and she doesn't let the past or the present bog her down. Though it's probably easier for her to live in the now (dogs are pretty much built that way), that doesn't mean we all can't strive to emulate her present-living ways and live in the now. 

• Worry less often. Bella doesn't worry too much. Sure, she gets stressed out when the FedEx delivery person comes to the door and she gets a bit of anxiety when I leave her for too long, but, generally, she's not a worrier. She doesn't worry about things that are out of her control, the way us humans usually do. We could all take a tip from Bella and try our best to worry less. 

• Experience more joy. There's no joy quite like that of Bella with a new toy. It doesn't matter what it is, but if you give her something new and call it "new toy," that tail is wagging and she's all over it, pawing it and biting it and flipping it up in the air with excitement. She fully understands what it means to live with joy and I plan to start embracing the joyful moments in my life just like Bella does. 

• Feel passion for life. Just like her ability to be joyful, passion for life is something Bella also possesses. Though it might not seem like it when she's lounging on the couch, Bella truly is passionate about life. Everything she can see or smell is interesting to her. Details are important. She really gets into the things she loves (like playing) and we could all learn from her zest for living. 

• Stop judging. To me, this is one of the most precious assets of any pup: they don't judge. Bella doesn't judge me when I make a mistake (even if it somehow effects her, like if I oversleep and don't take her out until later in the morning). And, maybe more important, Bella doesn't judge herself. She accepts everything for what it is and goes with it, something I truly aspire to do. 

• Avoid complaining. Life has some pretty big highs and lows sometimes and I know it can be difficult not to complain, but look at how dogs handle most situations...They deal. If they're hot or cold or tired or hungry, they cope with it. Yes, sometimes there's a little bit of whining involved, but generally they wait patiently until things get better. Remember the one thing dogs seem to know well: complaining gets you nowhere. 

• Don't create drama. Whether you want to admit it or not, most people create a little bit of drama for themselves. Sometimes it's purposeful and other times its unconscious, but, either way, it's something many people do. Dogs don't do this. They face whatever situations they're given and they deal with them directly. They don't avoid or rationalize or blame -- and we'd be a lot better off if we didn't either! 

• Form deep connections. Those of you who have (or have had) a pet probably know this: the bond between a pet and his/her owner is one of the strongest bonds out there. I love Bella pretty much unconditionally and I know she loves me unconditionally. It's rare to find a close connection with anyone, let alone a dog, but it's an important thing to have. Bella has taught me that close connections are one of the best ways to stay present. 

• Learn to be at peace. Right now, I'm looking over at Bella, who is in the exact same spot as the picture above and she looks completely at peace with the world. She's lying down, observing the world around her, looking as if she's contemplating life's big mysteries. But she's not. She's just in the now, watching birds in the trees, the cars driving past, people walking to the Metro on the way to work. She's at peace -- and I hope to take what I see in her and experience within myself. 

• Look for magic. This is one of the best lessons I've learned from Bella. She's always looking around her, nose in the dirt or carpet, hunting for something special. Yes, she's probably looking for the scent of other animals or a crumb left behind by the vacuum, but she's inadvertently taught me to pay attention to the little things, to the magic in life. Even the most routine things for her are exciting and, when I see that little tail wagging with joy, I can't help but be reminded that in everything, even the most mundane things like taking a walk down the same sidewalk, there is magic. 

Already in her six short years of life, Bella is mastering something that most of us never fully do: living now. No matter how much I focus on living in the now, it's always a little bit difficult. There are things to think about in the future. There are things from the past that are sometimes hard to let go. And it's for that reason that I'm so thankful to have Bella in my life as a constant reminder to live in the now. As I'm finishing up this post, she's still peering out the window, head turning with every passerby and car going past. Looking at her, I'm yet again reminded of the sweet serenity that comes with living in the present, in living without dwelling on the past or frantically preparing for the future. She, like all animals, is an inspiration, a constant reminder, to live now and be fully present in our lives. 

How do the animals in your life help you stay present? 
In addition to what I've mentioned above,
 what else have your pets taught you about living in the moment? 

how to stop waiting: lessons from a self-help junkie

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When I was given a copy of Waiting for Jack: Confessions of a Self-Help Junkie, a book about one woman's search for herself through self-help, I was very intrigued. Being the author of Positively Present has led me to more than one self-help book and, like the author of Waiting for Jack, I do often find myself looking for answers in these books, thinking that each page will be the one to hold the magical answer to all of the questions about life that are constantly plaguing me. Through all of the reading and wondering, I've always been conscious of the fact that waiting for some answer is pretty much the opposite of living in the present moment, something I'm constantly striving to do. Waiting, for me, has always been a problem. Like so many people, I have tended to think in terms of someday. I've spent a great deal of time waiting for something to happen and, for that reason, over the past few years I've been striving to live a more present life. Waiting, I discovered, didn't do much for me.

What did, however, do something for me, was the book Waiting for Jack. I know, it seems predictably ironic to find some of the answers I've been waiting for in a book about not waiting for answers, but that's exactly what happened when I cracked open the maroon spine of Kristen Moeller's book. Her book -- filled with profound quotes, noteworthy insights, and thought-provoking questions -- grabbed my attention from the very first page. She talks both about her personal experiences (many of which I, unfortunately, could relate to) as well as the big picture. She draws you in with details and examples, but leaves you at the end of each section with questions to consider and important words of wisdom.

The book is divided into three parts. In Part 1 (Body), Moeller shares her experience of how she became a seeker (always looking for answers outside of herself) rather than a finder and she talks about how our decisions form -- and sometimes limit -- who we become in life. Part 2 (Mind), covers the areas in life where one might be waiting (such as career, love, etc.) and offers readers a chance to understand and uncover the patterns of waiting in his/her own life. And, finally, in Part 3 (Spirit), Moeller takes a deeper look at why we are the way we are and invites her readers to find a way to become, within their own lives, "a fierce disruption to the ordinary."

As you can probably gather from those brief descriptions of this three-part book, Moeller has a lot of wisdom to share with her readers, which she gathers both from her own personal experience as well as from experiences of others. In each section, readers can find not only Moeller's words, but small break-out sections in which others share their experiences with waiting and how they've overcome hoping for someday in favor of living for today. These stories add depth and interest to each section and provide readers with the notion that Moeller's waiting-for-jack experience is not unique; it is something so many experience and, importantly, it is something many can overcome. (For more on overcoming waiting, check out Moeller's blog Self-Help Junkie.)Though I loved reading about a variety of experiences, it was Moeller's own words that impacted me the most. Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book:

"We might think that [self help books] contain 'the answer,' yet those books will not change us. Only we can take the action that will create the transformation we seek." 

"Most of us say we know we are responsible for our satisfaction, but deep down we still wait for that someone to appear who will make us happy." 

"[The term 'geographical cure'] refers to the illusion that life will be better when we get somewhere else... We wait to be in the 'right' place. We wait for that place to magically change what is wrong in our lives. What we forget is that we take ourselves and all of our baggage with us wherever we go."

"Drama makes us feel passionate and alive. For someone of us, life can seem dull without it. Drama is part of the full range of human experience. Yet when we take it to extremes, it becomes another way we live to wait." 

"I tell myself that if only I could get it right, my life would be great, and I would be completely happy. This is another way we wait -- we make the insignificant significant, and that stalls us from growing, moving forward." 

"Living in hope is not living in the moment -- it is the ultimate in waiting. To give up hope and be willing to be in the unknown requires courage. It is the beginning of breaking free." 

"True freedom begins with letting go of certainty. Once we know, we lose our ability to perceive what is. To challenge all we think we know -- including our ideas about ourselves and others -- allows something new to emerge. When we learn we are more than our thoughts, feelings, opinions, and circumstances, a new world can arise." 

"Every day we can start fresh. We can let go of our past concerns and our future expectations. Every moment we can choose our experience." 

 

 

From Moeller's words, I learned a great deal about waiting and why, after years and years of doing so, I was right to embrace the "live in the moment" attitude that I strive to have every day. I can't deny that it's hard to live in the moment and stop waiting. Sometimes waiting is inevitable and it is, at times, out of our control. But there can be positive benefits to waiting. We can learn from waiting that we must have patience. We can also learn that we might not really need what it is we are waiting for. When we stop waiting, we stop living. If you find that you're waiting (for anything at all!), I'd highly recommend reading Waiting for Jack. It's a quick read that not only provides valuable insights but also prompts you, the reader, to think about how waiting impacts your body, mind, and spirit.

Are you waiting for "someday"?
What do you find yourself waiting for? Why?
And if you're not waiting, what advice can you give
those who spend their lives waiting?

15 ways to live in the moment

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Today I'm featuring a guest post on Positively Present written by Melissa Tamura, who recently ranked online schools for Zen College Life, a directory of online degrees. She's going to give you some great guidance on how you can live in the moment -- starting right now!

It is very easy to expend all your energy worrying. Concerns about past mistakes, rehashing what you should have done, revisiting occasions of sadness or anger expend time and energy. Many people think of the future with anxiety, anticipating problems that they may not be able to overcome. Losing sleep, feeling on edge, and stress-related maladies can be the results. One way to get out of the worry habit is to heighten your awareness of the present. Things are happening all around you every minute of the day. Why not focus on what is going on now, enjoying the simple fact of being alive and immediate, rather than casting your thoughts forward or backward to events you cannot change? The principle is simple, but the art is more complex. It takes practice, discipline, and above all, focus. Try the following 15 ways to live in the moment as warm-up exercises for learning to enjoy your life more fully in the here and now.


15 Ways to Live in the Moment 

1. Listen. Stand still and focus on the sounds around you. What you hear is life happening. Try narrowing your focus to one distinctive sound and block out the others.

2. See. Being introspective can be enlightening, but to live in the moment, use your eyes to look outside yourself. What color is the sky?

3. Feel. On a sensory level, feel the environment around you. Is it warm against your skin? Feel the humidity in the air, note the slant of the sun's warmth or the briskness of wind in your hair.

4. Smell. Fill your lungs with the scents of the day. Pleasant aromas, sharp odors, even sensory hints that are barely there, like the smell of rain, are all part of what is happening right now.

5. Touch. Ground yourself in the moment by holding on. If you find your mind drifting back to its customary worries, touch a railing, pull a leaf from a tree, shake hands with a friend to stay current.

6. Taste. Rather than automatically downing that morning coffee, focus on your taste buds to experience all its nuances of flavor. Savor your toast. Living in the moment means focusing on what you are doing right now.

7. Create. Draw a doodle. Compose haiku. Fold that memo into an origami crane. Give your complete attention to the something you are making out of nothing.

8. Laugh. Do not let your enjoyment of the present be clouded by habitual worries about the past or future. If you see something funny, laugh. It feels great.

9. Run. Set your mind free by focusing on the physical. Run until you are out of breath.

10. Meditate. The secret is to discipline your mind to float freely. Do not allow it to tether itself to memory or anticipation. Meditate with your eyes on a focal point nearby and keep your thoughts untethered.

11. Communicate. One of the best ways to put down your mental burdens for awhile is to engage. Ask a question at a lecture. Join in a sing-along. Enter into a friendly debate.

12. Invest. Do not just observe the world around you; join it. Allow your mind to observe and interpret what you see, hear, and feel. Care about the moment.

13. Help. When you are helping someone else with a problem, you forget your own for the moment.

14. React. Living in the moment does not mean sailing through untouched. Respond to the here and now as it happens.

15. Be. Feel the effect of your own presence in the present, and refresh yourself with each moment that goes by.

This guest post was written by Melissa Tamura, who recently ranked online schools for Zen College Life, a directory of online degrees. For more ways to live in the moment, check out the following links: 

Time To Wake Up: Making the Most of the Moment

100 Ways to Live in the Moment

Dip Your Toes Into the Moment

learn to hold on to the past (without losing the present)

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Have you ever had one of those days that felt so absolutely perfect that you wanted it to last forever? I know I have and, even as I'm trying to live my life in the present moment, it can be hard to stay focused when I know that, at some point, the perfect moment will be over. For me, thinking about the end of a perfect moment is one of those things that can drag me down when I'm in the moment, making it pretty to be present -- or positive. We all know that those breathtakingly perfect moments can't last, but there are ways we can hold on to them so that they are not lost forever, while still managing to live a very present life. 

In holding onto moments and memories, it's essential not to get bogged down in the idea that they are more valuable than what you are experiencing right now. Remember: the only time you really, truly have is now so it's pretty pointless to waste time dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. That being said, I do think it's important to keep some particularly special moments with us, even as we live our lives in the present. There has to be, as with most things, a balance between remembering the wonderful experiences we've had and remembering to enjoy the life we're living right now. 

How can we strike a balance between living in the now and remember the good times? I've given this one some thought and come up with a few suggestions that should work for anyone -- no matter what your past or your present situations are. As you read these suggestions, keep in mind that the way to live your most positive life is to stay focused on the present -- but that doesn't mean we can't make a little room for the good things in our pasts. 

How To Hold On To The Past (Without Losing Your Present)

• Save your most treasured memories in a special place. One of the best ways to help you feel as if you're not losing a special moment is to save a memento from it and keep it in a safe place where you can go back and look at it again. Or, take pictures of the moments that mean the most to you and hang them where you can see them all the time. 

• Look for the good you remember in the moments you're living. A lot of the time we can find some of that good from our memories in the moments we're living right now. Take the time to look around and notice what's happening in your current moments to see if there are any of those memory-making qualities. Memories all start with a moment and it's important to realize that all moments will someday be memories. 

• Appreciate what you had -- and what you still have. Of course it's essential to recognize what once mattered so much to you and be grateful for the good times and experiences you've had, but it's also just as important to appreciate what you have right now. I understand that not every moment can be an amazing experience you want to hold on to forever, but each moment is valuable and it's so important to appreciate every single one. 

• Know what to hang on to and what you must let go of. It can be tempting to cling to memories (a.k.a., the past), especially when they have positive connotations, but you have to consider what's really valuable and what's not. This is important both in terms of physical mementos and mental memories. You only have so much space so it's up to you to determine what you really want to place the most value on. Remember: too much of the past (even the good past) can weigh you down. 

• Remember that living now doesn't mean you're missing out. Sometimes, when you've had a particularly good experience, it can be hard to move forward because you feel as if you're losing a part of that experience with every passing moment. Keep in mind that just because you're living in the moment doesn't mean you're not conscious of the good things that have happened to you. Being present doesn't mean you're losing the best parts of your past; it simply means you're making the most of those memories right now.    

• Share your memories with others, especially those who were present. One of the best ways to keep good memories close to you in the present is to share them with others. Whether you have photographs or merely recollections of an event, sharing those stories now can be a great way to make them last. It's especially great if you can share them with those who took part in the moment and connect with you now about things that happened in the past. 

It can be hard to live in the moment when you're longing for a moment gone by, but it's possible to be both present and nostalgic. I completely understand that there are some moments that you don't want to forget and it can be hard to be present when you want to return again and again to those moments. That being said, if you want to live a truly positive life, it's so important to live in the now. Hopefully the tips listed above will help you to live in the moment without forgetting about the good times you've already experienced. While it can be very detrimental to let the past rule your life, I think it's great if you can indulge in the past in small doses and doing this can, in fact, help to enhance the present moment. As you can see from the ideas above, it is possible to hold on to the past -- without losing sight of the present. 

How to you stay focused on the present
 without losing sight of your past? 
What are some of the best ways to enjoy memories
 without letting them dominate the present?

  

3 steps to stay positive by living in the present

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“The past is history, 
the future is a mystery, 
but today is a gift.
That’s why it’s called
the present.”

Unknown

While I'm recovering from my weekend away in South Carolina, today you have the privilege of a guest post by Greg Blencoe, a life coach who publishes the Positive Waves Baby blog. His blog focuses on better living through the law of attraction, spirituality, and self-improvement.  To learn more about Greg, you can visit the "100 Things about Me" page on his blog. Greg has found that a large portion of the negativity in his life was due to dwelling in the past or focusing on the future (me too, Greg!). He is most positive when living in the present, and has provided us with three great steps for staying positive by living in the present moment. 

Step 1: Let Go of the Past by Forgiving

I just turned 36 a little over a month ago. Fortunately, I am now emotionally clear with most of my issues from my past. However, well into my 30s, I was carrying around far too much heavy negative emotional baggage. As I’m writing this, it’s almost unbelievable that I harbored negative feelings about several issues for an entire decade or two. The amount of time that I completely wasted is almost unfathomable to me. And while I wouldn’t say that these negative feelings dominated my life, I am certain they held me back and kept me from realizing my full potential.

Around the time I turned 30, I started to realize that the more things I let go that were bothering me, the happier I became. While this definitely does not mean I stopped holding people accountable, I found that no problems were solved by my feeling this way. I was only hurting myself. Basically, over the past six years, I have learned to choose my battles.

Most (and perhaps all) of the time, the process of letting go of the past has involved either forgiving myself or forgiving others. I have had to forgive myself for feeling like I wasn’t good enough, poor decisions that I made, not standing up for what was right, etc. And although looking back in the grand scheme of things none of what happened would probably be considered a big deal by other people, it mattered a lot to me for many years so I had to come to terms with it.

I also had to forgive other people.  Actually, this might not be correct. In my situation, perhaps what I really had to do was forgive myself for the expectations that I put on these people. Looking back, the real problem was that I wanted various people to act a certain way and they didn’t. Therefore, I had to let go of the fantasy of what could of or should have been.

Step 2: Focus Less on the Future

Another significant source of negativity in my life is when I focus too much on the future. Let me say upfront that I am definitely an advocate of having goals, a vision of where you want to go, etc. I deeply believe that you must first create in your mind before it becomes true in the physical world. Therefore, I would classify focusing on the future in this way as very positive. On the other hand, I view the fear, worry, constantly playing out countless scenarios, etc. associated with excessively focusing on the future in a negative manner to be a big problem. 

Since I was 18, my life has taken so many unexpected twists and turns. A lot of this is just because of who I am.  I have really enjoyed moving around and being involved in various projects. However, life still has a way of surprising us which can make long-term planning a bit difficult. And today things seem to be changing at a much faster pace than before.

Just think about how much the world has changed in the past five years. Where were blogs, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, text messages, etc. just five years ago?  And yet now they are a huge part of our lives.  I can only imagine what technologies will revolutionize our lives in 2015 that either haven’t been invented or most of us don’t even know exist right now. 

Therefore, with so many variables, focusing too much on the future seems like a waste of time and energy. This is especially true when excessive worry and fear is involved. At some point, you are much better off focusing on taking action to prevent what you are worried about or fear happening in the future.

Step 3: Have a “Dominate the Day” Mindset

While I always learn from the past and have a general idea of where I’m going in the future, my main focus is on living in the present. And I do this by having a “Dominate the Day” mindset. To be completely honest, I adopted this mindset out of frustration. I am the type of person that can play out countless future scenarios in my head.  While a little bit of this is necessary and productive, too much inevitably leads to unproductive worry and fear. I got so tired of making frequent trips to negative town that I decided to adopt the “Dominate the Day” mindset.

The idea is that I almost completely focus on what I can do that day in order to accomplish my longer-term goals. I do my best to not worry about tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year. Instead, I focus on doing everything I can that day to get where I want to be. While this may sound strange, it’s almost like life is a video game and I’m trying to get the highest score that I can on that day. And then I get up the next day and do it again. It has been very liberating to free myself of worrying too much about the future.

I want to make it very clear that I’m not saying that never thinking about the future is the right way to go. The purpose is to eliminate an unproductive focus on the future. While this will vary from person to person, I would guess that 80% of the time I used to spend thinking about the future was at the very least unproductive and, more likely, counterproductive. The point is to instead utilize this time much more effectively by taking productive action.

Final Thought

The strategy behind the “Dominate the Day” mindset comes from something a good friend of mine once told me: “When you take care of the minutes, the hours take care of themselves.”

This post was written by Greg Blencoe, a life coach who publishes the Positive Waves Baby blog, which discusses better living through the law of attraction, spirituality, and self-improvement. Check out his site for more great insights! 

the filmstrip: a new way to look at presence

[Note: Today I'm honored to have a guest post written by the totally awesome Glen Allsopp. Glen writes for PluginID, a blog I've loved to read ever since I started blogging. His blog focuses on Personal Development and also covers topics such as Personality Development. Glen's blog is awesome and so is the guest post he wrote for me today. Thank you, Glen, for dedicating your time to writing this post!]

Presence is often quite a tricky topic to write about. If I talk about happiness, you can recall moments in your life where you were happy and relate to what I'm saying. If I talk about misery, you can probably recall moments in your life when you were miserable and know exactly what I'm talking about. Yet, when we talk about presence, things are a little different. Total presence, which involves significantly diminished mind chatter, is more of an experience, rather than a thought. In fact, if it was a thought, then it wouldn't really be presence. A little over a year ago now I purchased a book I'm sure many of you are aware of called The Power of Now. This book showed me that spirituality isn't some 'hippy rubbish' from the 60's but something more powerful which has roots that span thousands of years. There was something about this book which just...felt right. There was something about the message inside that just made total sense and I knew I had to pursue it more. So I did. I practiced meditation for the first time and was pleasantly surprised. I picked up the authors other book, A New Earth, and felt like I had a greatly expanded view of my environment. I even tried my best to be present as often as possible, but then I realised something: I knew how to be present, but my mind wanted a concept of what presence was.

Confusion About Presence

In my mind, being present is similar to being in the flow. It might be playing a video game and hours unknowingly disappear or it might be working out in the gym and only having the weights in your perception, completely unaware of the sweating companies around you. This kind of flow can be easy to get into naturally when you don't know about it, but now I was trying to do it consciously. I took on board advice like focusing on each step as I walked up or down stairs and I practiced going outside into nature and not putting a label on any items. I even practiced washing dishes without wishing I was doing something else or didn't have to do them. There were moments where I believe I experienced total presence, and everything felt blissful, but the majority of the time I was lost with the question: "Am I doing it right?" If I had to think about walking down the stairs consciously, do the thoughts imply I wasn't present? What about being aware that I was consciously walking down the stairs; was that presence? Or how about washing the dishes without wishing I was somewhere else. Was I really present, or was I just thinking about it? I became so confused about what presence actually was that I ended up less peaceful than before I was aware of the 'concept' of being present in the first place.

 

The Filmstrip

Whilst reading a spirituality book one day, I independently had the idea of presence being like a dial on a film strip. The strip represents different aspects of your life, and the dial represents the focus. The dial never moves, but the film strip is constantly running depending on your surroundings at any given moment. Your attention (your awareness) should be the dial. Whatever is on the film strip right now (your environment or task) is where your attention should be. Your awareness never moves, but your environment or tasks will. This is presence. Really. Your mind will probably want to make things a lot more complicated, but if you're aware of it doing that, you won't be sucked in. Once I realised this, being present suddenly become a lot easier. And, all the benefits of presence (peace, mood control, acceptance) started to come just as naturally. I recommend this great article by Dani if you want tips on how to become that dial. My favourite question to help is simply: "What is going on?" This can either refer to the contents of your mind, or the surroundings in view. Being aware of either can soon become the most enjoyable practice of your life.

are you living in the future?

"Life is now.
There was never a time
when your life was not now,
nor will there ever be."

Eckhart Tolle

The other day I came across this article "Do You Suffer From Futuritis?" written by Cristina Diaz, author of The Benefits of Positive Thinking, and it raised some very interesting points for me. I spend much more time than I would like thinking about the future. From small things such as what I'll have for dinner to big things such as what I'm going to be doing career-wise in five years, I think ahead about a lot of things. While I'm all about planning and being prepared, I do think there's a fine line between being ready for the future and obsessing over it and, I'll be honest, I'm not sure what side of that line I'm on all the time.

Sometimes I do a really great job of staying in the moment while being prepared. Other times I find myself thinking way too much about what's going to happen in the future, in a time and place I'm not even 100% sure I will be in. I've always been a worrier. I can remember being a very little kid and learning about what a "worrywart" was and thinking, "Wow! That's me!" I've gotten better at the worrying thing -- especially the more I try to live in the moment -- but I can't say that I'm worry-free. I think about the future more than I'd like to. I think about things that are out of my control more than I'd like. But I'm working on it. Every day I'm working on paying more attention to the now and less attention to the what-could-be.

Basically, like many people, I'm suffering from futuritis. What is futuritis, you ask? Well, it's "the phenomenon that happens when we're not focusing our mind in what we are doing, but we are either worrying about the future or anticipating it," according to the article I linked to above. An example of this would be me, right now, writing this post but actually thinking about the many meetings I have coming up today and tomorrow and wondering (worrying) about how I will get all of the work done. I'm here, yes, writing this post, but my mind is somewhere else entirely. This happens to me a lot. I'll be driving and thinking about all of my upcoming To Do list tasks. I'll be in the shower and I'll be thinking about what I'm going to be wearing three days from now. I'm a planner. I'm organized so it comes naturally to me to think ahead. However, this often leads to a lot of unnecessary worry.

Lately I've been paying close attention to this futuritis and I've been noticing that a lot of the things I worry about never actually happen. Try it out on yourself. Think about all of the things you worry about -- hitting traffic, confronting a coworker, dealing with an awkward situation -- and then see how many of them actually happen. For me, a surprising amount of things don't actually happen. In fact, a lot of the things I should have been worried about, I never even thought about it all. The worry I had was misplaced. It was, in fact, pointless. Just this morning I woke up late (very late) and I was panicked, thinking I would be late for work. I worried about it as I dressed, did my makeup, threw my hair up. I worried as I drove to work (of course, hitting all of the red lights). But was I late? Nope. In fact, due to all of the rushing, I was five minutes early. That kind of thing happens to me a lot. I worry and worry and then the very thing I'm worried about never actually happens.

All of this worrying and fretting wouldn't be happening if I were living in the now, would it? If I were focused on what was happening to me right now, in this very moment, I wouldn't be thinking about upcoming meetings or presentations or things I have to cross of my To Do list. And just because I'm not worrying about them doesn't mean they won't get done. I feel like for so long I've trained myself to believe that if I don't worry about things, if I don't think far into the future, things won't get taken care of or accomplished, but that's just not true. Living in the moment doesn't mean standing still, doing nothing. The moment is always changing and always moving forward, and, therefore, we'll move forward if we stay in the moment.

If that's not enough of a reason not to stay in the now, think about three of the reasons not to live in the future that were listed in the article. If you continue to suffer from futuritis, you'll have to deal with:
 

• More stress. According to the article (and I agree): "You cannot possibly cope with what you're doing at the moment and at the same time thinking about something that will happen at another time. This creates a subtle stress, which accumulates overtime." The more you're worrying about the future, the more you're stressing about things that may or may not happen. Not only does this stress build up, but it might also be pointless as some of the future stressful situations may never actually happen.
• Missing out on now.Those of you who are familiar with Tolle know that all we ever really have is the now. If you're thinking about the future, living in the future in your mind, you're missing out on what's happening all around you right now. Do you want to miss out on the now? I don't think so, considering that's the part of your life that's actually real. The worries in your mind are created by you. The present moment is real. Worrying about the future keeps you from living in the now, the only true time we have.
• Never feeling satisfied. When you're living in the future, the article states that, "You don't get the full enjoyment of immersing yourself on what you are doing, nor the satisfaction of having thought something through fully. You may find yourself restless at the end of the day for no apparent reason." I've definitely felt this restless, unsettled feeling. In fact, I've felt it a lot. When I'm not living in the moment, when I'm worrying about the future, I feel very unsettled and I don't like feeling that way. I want to be satisfied with my life and the best way to do that is to enjoy being in the moment.

I don't know about you, but I don't want to be stressed and dissatisfied with life and that's just what living in the future does. It makes us worry about things that haven't happened. It prevents us from fully embracing the now. If you're like me, after reading all of this you're thinking, "I want to live in the present moment! I want to live in the now! But how?" Here are some great links that will get you started living in the moment.
 

• Living in the Present
• Dip Your Toes Into the Moment
• Practical Tips for Being Present
• The Joy of Being Fully Present
• 100 Ways to Live in the Moment

And, of course, I'd love to hear your thoughts and suggestions too. I'm sure there are many of us who suffer from futuritis. It's hard not to worry, to think about the future, but it's so important to do the best we can to live in the moment. Sometimes (at least for me) it feels forced, but I know that it's making me happier in the long run to be in the now than to live in some imaginary future. So, tell me...

Are you suffering from futuritis?
What techniques do you use to keep yourself in the now?

[Note: Thanks to Glen from PluginID for passing along the image that accompanies this post. He sent me a tweet about it and it was such a great image that I just had to use it in a post. Thanks, Glen!]

100 ways to live in the moment

 


"Stop acting like life is a dress rehearsal.
The past is gone and the future is not guaranteed."

Unknown

Happy July 4th to all of my fellow Americans! If you haven't checked out my post on "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness," I'd suggest you give it a read today. I wanted to leave it up for this great holiday of ours, but I just could resist posting this today. Before I don my red-and-white striped bikini and head over to my friend's pool, I'd like to share my thoughts on seizing the moment. Seizing the moment is something I have a hard time with. Obviously, as the author of Positively Present, I want to spend most of my time being present, but it's not always easy for me. Sometimes I really have to -- gulp! -- force it. Unlike some people, I really have to tell myself over and over again, "Be present. Be present. Be present." Though it's not easy, whenever I find myself really embracing a moment, really being there, it's amazing. The smallest things can be so wonderful when you're living in the moment and taking them in rather than just taking life for granted and moving through it at a breakneck speed (which definitely used to by MO before starting this blog).

One way that I've been embracing being present lately is by taking part in Joy Rebel Day(which is actually a whole week!). What is Joy Rebel Day? Well, you can't very well know what the day is without knowing what a Joy Rebel is. According to Welcome to the Joy Rebellion, Joy Rebel is someone who chooses to engage in "expert use of rampant positivity, disciplined funkiness and deploying radical self acceptance against all odds. Your training will come at great sacrifice. Negativity dealers will confront you, energy vampires will attempt to kidnap you. You will become vigilant against their attempts to seduce you." A Joy Rebel's job is "to employ your own unique brand of joy. Wonderfully awful art, messy love, spontaneous dancing, cozy cuddling, quiet tears, angry letters, epic poems." When I first learned about this on Welcome to the Joy Rebellion, I thought to myself, "Hey! I want to be a Joy Rebel!" It makes happiness and joy sound bad-ass, which actually really appeals to me. Apparently quite a few people wanted to be Joy Rebels too! So many, in fact, that a whole week (July 1-8) was created to celebrate being a Joy Rebel.  One great blog, She Sleeps With Sea Glass, is actually having a Joy Rebel Day Blog Party! How fun is that? Happiness, rebellion, and parties? Sounds perfect to me! Check out the site She Sleeps With Sea Glass or Welcome to the Joy Rebellion to find out more about how you can take part in the party. Spreading joy and combating negativity is one of the best ways to live in the moment and I have to say that Joy Rebel Day came at the perfect time for me -- just when I was having a lot of trouble living in the now!

As hard as it is for me to be present sometimes, I find that I enjoy everything so much more when I take the time to really sit with the moment and appreciate it for what it is. Today I'm offering up some suggestions (100 of them, to be exact!) of ways to bring yourself back to the present moment. Some of these I've done. Some of them I want to do. Some of them definitely aren't for me but might work for you. I hope you take a small part of your day to enjoy at least one of these activities. Trust me, you'll be glad you did!

1. Ask someone about his/her life.
2. Write a handwritten note and mail it.
3. Make a promise (and keep it).
4. Look up at the sky and describe it.
5. Hug someone close to you.
6. Indulge in a long, warm bath.
7. Tell someone how much you love him/her.
8. Do something on your To Do list.
9. Apologize to someone you've hurt.
10. Re-read your favorite poem.
11. Turn off the TV for a week.
12. Relax in bed before sleeping.
13. Eat your favorite thing mindfully.
14. Ask someone an interesting question.
15. Take pictures of your favorite thing.
16. Go for a long walk somewhere beautiful.
17. Meditate for as long as you can.
18. Research an interesting topic.
19. Ask someone for advice and really listen.
20. Pay attention to your breathing for two minutes.
21. Answer the phone with cheer in your voice.
22. Make a decision immediately.
23. Close your eyes and image your paradise.
24. Mentor a young child (or an adult!).
25. Volunteer at a local charity.
26. Write a list of all you're grateful for.
27. Consider all possible solutions to a problem.
28. Take a different way to work.
29. Prepare your favorite meal for your family.
30. Offer praise to someone who deserves it.
31. Pay attention when others speak.
32. Watch a dog or cat (or baby) sleeping.
33. Prepare for tomorrow's work today.
34. Look at the details of a flower or plant.
35. Lie outside in the sun for a few hours.
36. Smile at yourself in the mirror.
37. Say "Thank you" and truly mean it.
38. Share your wisdom with someone else.
39. Do one thing that scares you.
40. Offer to help someone in need.
41. Watch a sunset or sunrise.
42. Visit a local museum and enjoy learning.
43. Organize your favorite photos online.
44. Send an email to an old friend.
45. Draw or paint something inspiring.
46. Host a party for no particular reason.
47. Tell yourself what you love about you.
48. Look for the positive in a problem.
49. Notice when the seasons are changing.
50. Imagine kissing your significant other.
51. Eat an ice cream cone outside when it's warm.
52. Share a joke with a friend and laugh loud.
53. Consider how feng shui might improve your home.
54. Spend a few hours alone, relaxing.
55. Make something from scratch.
56. List all of the things you've accomplished today.
57. Re-purpose something in your home.
58. Go to bed early. Wake up early.
59. Look for fireflies twinkling at night.
60. Pay attention to what your body is saying.
61. Make a very silly face at a friend.
62. Tell a child your favorite fairy tale.
63. Buy a gift for someone for no reason.
64. Watch a very positive TV show.
65. List the things you love about your body.
66. Take a road trip somewhere new.
67. Listen to your favorite song on repeat.
68. Smile brightly at the driver in the car next to you.
69. Write a love letter to yourself.
70. Kiss someone sweetly on the cheek.
71. Ask the question, "Why?"
72. Go for a run (or a quick walk). Move it!
73. Start a new, exciting project.
74. Spend a Saturday email-free.
75. Listen to and accept criticism with grace.
76. Speak cheerfully to your coworkers.
77. Look around you at how many colors there are.
78. Push yourself a little harder when working out.
79. Allow yourself to daydream.
80. Stop a bad habit (right now!).
81. Give yourself advice and follow it.
82. Turn off your phone for an evening.
83. Focus on what you're doing right this minute.
84. Speak to someone as if you really do care.
85. Treat yourself to a tasty snack.
86. Take three deep breaths before falling asleep.
87. Do jump jacks or jump rope.
88. Play with a puppy and watch how s/he romps.
89. Appreciate winter in summer (and vice versa).
90. Think about how amazing an invention is.
91. Hold someone's hand unexpectedly.
92. Wake up with a really long stretch session.
93. Pay attention to others' observations.
94. Watch how clouds move across the sky.
95. Listen to a bird's song (without being annoyed).
96. Introduce yourself to someone new.
97. Write down everything you're feeling today.
98. Think about why you love your favorite outfit.
99. Ask yourself, "What's awesome about this moment?"
100. Call someone just to say "I love you."

Now that I've listed 100 ways to live in the moment, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic. I want to know what you think about these 100 ideas and how you might suggest living in the moment. The most important, best moments in life are different for everyone so it's likely that some of these may not suit you and some might sound like the best idea ever. Pay attention to how you're living. Are you being mindful? Are you living in the moment? It's not always easy (for me, it's never easy), but it is worth the effort. So, tell me...

How do you live in the moment?
What seize-the-day ways would you add to this list?