the back-to-school mindset : how to keep it positive
back in the saddle : doing what you used to love again

4 steps for falling in love with your flaws


"Most of us are taught to hide our flaws. To be embarrassed (or deathly afraid) of that which isn’t perfect about us, even though it is the very thing that makes us human and connects us to the world. Our flaws are the ground of our being, the very things that make us who we are. If we hide our flaws, if we run from them, we are denying our very being, that which makes us unique."

Alexis Yael


Like it or not, we're all flawed. Not a single one of us is perfect. And that's one of the great things about life. We all have so many wonderful things to offer -- and, yet, we're not always so wonderful. Not only do we have flaws, but each of us struggles with feeling flawed (which is, perhaps, a flaw in and of itself). But whether the flaws that plague you are emotional, mental, or physical flaws, the key to overcoming them is knowing how to accept them -- and ultimately fall in love with them. Because, as the Alexis Yael has so wisely stated, our flaws are what make us unique. They are what ground us. They are, in a sense, what keep us in the present. 

Of course we all know how difficult it is to accept (and love!) flaws. It's a difficult thing to do when it comes to other people and when it comes to ourselves, well, it's can seem nearly impossible. But, hard as it might seem, it is possible to love even the most flawed parts of yourself. And not only is it possible, it's essential to living a positively present life. To live positively in the present, you must love yourself for who you are -- and loving yourself means loving even the not-so-great parts of yourself. Learning to love your flaws might feel like a constant battle, but that acceptance, that love, is worth fighting for. Here's how to get started... 


How to Fall in Love with Your Flaws 


1. Decide if there's something you can do about it. 

First and foremost, you have to decide if the flaw that troubles you is something you can actually do something about. Some flaws -- like a bad temper or wicked impatience -- should not be accepted, but should instead be worked on. Loving your flaws is not the same thing as throwing up your hands and saying, "Oh well! That's just the way I am!" about a characteristic that's negatively impacting you and your life. Ask yourself: Does the flaw negatively impact others? Does it impact the amount of positive energy I'm giving off into the world? Is there anything I can do to change it?


2. Determine if you actually are going to do something about it. 

If you've determined that a flaw is, in fact, something you can (and should) change, now it's time to be brutally honest with yourself. You can change it, but will you? Just because you can change a flaw, doesn't mean you necessarily should (take, for example, a less-than-perfect nose or a sarcastic wit). Only you know (and you will know, deep down) whether or not the flaw that bugs you is something you really need to change -- and if it's something you actually will change. If you know it needs to be changed and you're going to put in the effort, awesome! Go for it! If it's something you can't or won't change... 


3. Imagine it from an objective point of view. 

Often our flaws are magnified by our own perception. We're so close to our flaws that they seem so much larger to us. In your mind, take a step back from the flaws you see and try to imagine what they would look like from an outsider's perspective. The things you see as horrible or offensive might not look so bad when you try seeing them from an outsider's point of view. When it comes to flaws, we imagine ours to be much bigger than others'. Consider your flaw and contemplate how you would react to it if you spotted it on someone else.


4. Accept it it for exactly what it is. 

Finally -- and most importantly -- you must accept your flaw for exactly what it is. Having imagined what it would look like from the outside, now it's time to take that concept one step further and simply accept it for what it is. Strip that flaw of all societal standards and internal judgments. Don't compare it to others or rate it on a scale of good/bad. Your flaw is what it is. Accept it for what it is and realize that it is a part of you. If it is something you cannot (or will not) change, acceptance is the only option for truly loving yourself (all of yourself). Your flaws make you who you are, so embrace them!


With these four steps, you should be on the road to either changing or loving your flaws. Only you will know which flaws you should probably work on -- and which ones you really need to accept and love. Remember: we are all flawed. Everyone has something (and maybe many things!) he or she feels is flawed. But only some people take those flaws and proactively choose to accept and love them. Be one of those people. Love your flaws! 


Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

The comments to this entry are closed.