Keeping the Peace: How to Discuss Tough Topics

Tough Conversations Advice

With the Thanksgiving holiday this week and the potential for gathering around tables with those who might not share the same political, religious, or cultural points of view, I thought it would be a good time to revisit the topic of talking with those who share different views. Conquering controversial topics — particularly with family — is not for the faint of heart, but I truly believe there's a way to stay positive, voice your opinion, and still keep the peace. 

Of course, if you’re dealing with someone who is violent, judgmental, or narrow-minded, you’re going to have a hard time discussing tough topics with them. However, if you can find people who are open-minded and willing to listen and talk about contentious issues, it’s possible to share your beliefs in positive ways. 

So, how do you go about sharing your opinions without putting other people off? Here are some of the best ideas I’ve found (after doing lots of research and trying them out for myself!) for talking about your beliefs with those who don’t share them.

 

KNOW WHAT YOU BELIEVE.

It might sound obvious, but a lot people aren’t truly certain about what they believe. Many people flip-flop on certain issues, have beliefs based on one-off op-ed pieces (rather than facts), or base beliefs on those held by those surrounding them. Before getting into any serious discussion (especially with people with opposing views), do your research  both the fact checking and the soul-searching kind. Carefully consider the issue, taking stock of what you know and what you might not know.

Just as importantly, consider how you feel really about it. It's incredibly tempting to jump onto the bandwagons, to join groups, and to identify with the labels, but remember: you are complex human being with unique experiences, insights, and ideas. We all want to belong, but think carefully about what beliefs you align yourself with. Before declaring, “I’m a _________________,” or “I believe in _________________,” ask yourself if that’s 100% true. It may very well be true, but it’s important to check in with yourself and make sure that you not your peers, not your family, not a portion of society you aspire to be like  do, in fact, hold these beliefs.

Also, it’s important to keep checking in with yourself periodically to see if you still hold the beliefs. We are ever evolving, changing creatures and what you believe at one point in your life may not be what you believe later. Because sometimes we get lazy, we might cling to beliefs we’ve had for a long time because we think we still believe them, not because we actually do.

 

SCRUTINIZE YOUR SOURCES.

It is so very, very important to check your sources, and then check them again. So many people hold — and speak about  beliefs not based on facts. With the incredible rise of the Internet, you’re able to read this article and countless other things that literally anyone can post online. Sometimes this is amazing — different viewpoints!  unique perspectives! — and sometimes this is just insane — fake news sites created just to get clicks, opinion pieces skewed with untrue claims, etc.

Not only is important to make sure the facts you have are, indeed, facts, but it’s important to be aware of how greatly biased the Internet is. The Internet helps us take sides. We’re encouraged — by the sheer nature of how the Internet is set up — to cultivate either/or mindsets.

Every day we are given a choice to pick one thing or the other: like or dislike this post, agree or disagree with that article. Social media, while it does allow for comments and more lengthy explorations into "gray" territories, often encourages us to choose one thing over the other, usually in a yes-or-no, black-or-white dichotomy.

And here’s the scariest part: what we choose is constantly reinforced with algorithms designed to personalize our content. We are given more content that aligns with what we like, less that showcases what we don’t like. Most of us don’t actively realize this, so it starts to seem like everyone and everything supports our views.

Unlike in the old days, when everyone saw the same images on TV and then disagreed or agreed with those images, we’re now shown images that support the ideas we’ve told the Internet we like. What we see online is meant to appeal to us — which can definitely be nice sometimes — but this is creating little individual bubbles where we’re all seeing the things we want to see, having our beliefs and preferences reinforced (often without even seeing information from the other side).

Do your best to go out of your way to find new sources, to find unbiased articles, to even reach out to those who hold opposing views and ask them for their thoughts.

 

CHANNEL YOUR COURAGE.

Speaking up about the things you believe in with someone who doesn’t share your perspective can be scary, which is why you're going to need to channel your courage. Anyone who has ever had to have a difficult conversation — a break-up, a resignation, etc. — knows just how much courage is required for talking about tough topics. 

When facing challenging conversations, remind yourself that fear (and anger...) is just a chemical reaction going on inside of you. For some reason, I've always found it helpful to bring to mind the biological responses of emotion to remind me that feelings of fear are both natural and combatable

Just because you are afraid to do something doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. In fact, it's often a sign that something is important — particularly when talking about conversations, not phobia-style fears. When beginning an important conversation, take a deep breath, remind yourself of the knowledge you possess (you've done your research!), and understand that, even though a conversation might be difficult, you are doing the right thing by making an effort to communicate openly and honestly with those you know. 

 

BE CLEAR AND HONEST.

When it comes to talking about difficult topics or beliefs, we don't always begin the conversation by being clear and honest. Too often, we are driven by strong emotions and triggered by the words of someone else rather that striving to be levelheaded and thoughtful in what we say. I know this is much easier said than done, but imagine what it would be like if you opened up a conversation like this:

“Hey, I know we have totally different views on this issue, but I’d really like to talk about it. I’m going to do my best to share my point of view calmly, and to listen and keep an open mind to what you have to say. I know neither of us will probably change our minds on this issue, but I think it’s important for us to should talk about it.”

When starting a conversation with someone of a different political background or belief, it can be helpful to make it clear that you’re not necessarily trying to change their mind. One of the reasons we have such heated debates about politics is because it often feels like the opposing side is saying, “You’re wrong. Here’s why.”

Or, if you are trying to change someone’s mind, what if you were honest about it? You could say something like, “You know I feel really passionately about this topic. It’s very important to me, and I’d really love it if I could change your mind about it so that you could see it the way I do. I know that might not be possible, but would you be willing to listen to what I have to say? After I share my thoughts, I’ll be more than happy to listen to your point of view, too.”

The key takeaway from this point is this: you’re never going to transform someone else’s mindset through trickery, bullying, or manipulation. (Okay, you might be able to, but is that the kind “win” you want?) You’ll get a lot farther — and probably have a more positive conversation — if you’re honest and clear about what you want to talk about and what your end goal for the conversation is.

 

SPEAK WITH COMPASSION.

Compassion is a word we hear often, but its actual definition isn’t always clear. Compassion is about recognizing another's pain and desiring to alleviate it in some way (regardless of whether or not you agree with that person's beliefs).

When you’re passionate about a topic, it can be hard to channel compassion in the way you speak and react, but it’s important to do so  not only for the other person’s benefit, but for your own mental state as well.

In the midst of talking about the tough stuff, we need compassion  especially for those who display aggressive, angry, and hateful behavior. Without compassion, we’ll never be able to find our way in this shadowy, complex jungle of difficult discourse. Compassion is our flashlight in the dark. It, alone, is not going to get us from point A to point B, but it sure as hell is going to make the path easier to see.

As I wrote in my article on compassion, defending what you believe and having compassion for those who think differently are not mutually exclusive. You can be passionate and compassionate. Remember this when you’re speaking with someone who has completely different views and you’re struggling with compassion. (Also, try your best to go into the conversation with a compassionate mindset!)

 

LISTEN – REALLY LISTEN.

Listening isn’t just about opening your ears to the sounds coming from someone else’s mouth. It’s also about paying attention to body language, tone, facial expression. It’s also about looking past the words and considering what someone might actually mean, instead of just focusing on what they’re saying. Often, below the surface, it's clear that "I'm aligned with [insert political party here]" really means "[a specific value] is really important to me and [political party of choice] really seems to represent that."

Will it be challenging to listen to other people talk passionately about their beliefs that differ completely from your own? You bet. But, if you want people to be tolerant and accepting of your views, you have to show others the same courteousness. If you want people to listen to you, you must listen to them. And when I say really listen, I mean it. It’s tempting to assume you know what someone is going to say or to take a stand on it before words have even been uttered, but don't allow yourself to make assumptions. Listen with your ears, watch with your eyes, and pay attention with your mind. 

Also, even if others' beliefs might sound crazy to you, don’t punish them for their honesty. Never forget that listening isn’t just about opening your ears — it’s about opening your mind as well. The point of talking about difficult issues with someone of differing beliefs is to open the lines of communication. 

 

RESPECT ALL BOUNDARIES.

Not everyone is going to want to have difficult discussions with you, and that’s okay. It may be frustrating not to be able to talk to people about what you want to talk about, but it’s important to respect others’ boundaries. If someone makes it clear that they don't want to talk to you about an issue, respect that. (Also, consider finding some people who do want to talk to you.)

Here are some other times you might want to respect boundaries — your own and those of the people around you — and not bring up, or keep talking about, tough topics:

 

  • When the other person is emotionally unready or unwilling to hear what you have to say. This isn’t to say you can’t talk about it at some point, but assess the emotional state of others and determine if it might be better to choose a different time to talk. Also, on a less dramatic scale, consider the general emotional state of yourself and the other person. If you (or they) had a terrible, long day at work, maybe it’s not the best time to get into a heated debate.

 

  • When violent acts might be committed against you. This is not a reason for a whole group to be quiet (if it were, we’d still have horrific institutions like slavery), but in one-on-one situations where you would be in great physical or emotional danger if you were to speak your mind about a certain topic, it’s best to remain quiet until you can find a way to communicate without harm coming to you or someone else. Please be safe when it comes to speaking up.

 

  • When you’ve honestly, openly stated your beliefs with kindness and compassion, and you’re receiving only hatred, judgment, and accusations in return. Some people are just not open to listening and talking. This is unfortunate, and it can be painful if it's someone you love, but it’s just the way it goes. Once you’ve said what you wanted to say, repeating it over and over (however nicely!) will no longer be productive.

 

  • When a large group of people is ganging up on you. Again, this isn’t to say you shouldn’t speak your mind, but sometimes it’s better to speak up when you either (a) have at least one person on your side or (b) can have a one-on-one with individuals of the group, instead of speaking to the group as a whole.

 

Regardless of what you’re talking about — or who you’re speaking to  it’s important not only to respect others’ boundaries, but to take care of your own boundaries as well. If you’re unsure about whether or not to keep talking, ask, “Would you like to keep talking about this topic?” If you’ve gotten to a point where your own boundaries are being threatened, say, “I’m glad we were able to start this conversation, but I feel it is no longer productive, and I think we should stop talking about it for now.” 

 

REINFORCE IT WITH ACTION.

Actions speak louder than words, they say, and it really is true. You can talk yourself blue in the face about what you believe in, but if you don’t support those words with actions, it’s going to be much less likely that people will take you, and your beliefs, seriously. Here a few ideas for how you can take positive action on your beliefs:

 

  • Donate to a cause that supports what you believe in
  • Volunteer for an organization you support
  • Share (legitimate, fact-based) information on social media
  • Offer to organize an event or fundraiser for a cause
  • Watch a film about the topic with someone who opposes it
  • Research the issue and consider new ways to offer help
  • Give (well-researched) books on issues you support to skeptics
  • Vote for the people who support what you believe
  • Call Senators / people in Congress and ask for change
  • Ask experts on the issues for ideas for how to help
  • Join local (or online) groups who share your beliefs
  • Read up on what others are saying (and gather facts!)
  • Shop at stores that uphold your beliefs (don't know? ask!)

 

It may seem like this action-taking isn’t a necessary step to talking about what you believe in, but it’s actually essential. Anyone can say they believe in anything, but to really have those beliefs heard (and have them matter), action is necessary. You might also want to see if you can have someone with opposing views take part in the action in some way. Sometimes people don’t realize what they believe until they see a situation for themselves.

 

 


How to Cope with Resurfacing Trauma


Positively Present - Pain

 

If you've been following the news at all lately, you've probably heard about a high-profile sexual assault accusation. You've probably also heard about how, as a result of this high-profile case, many women are faced with the unsettling experience of having to revisit their own sexual assault experiences.

I am one of those women. I don't want to detail my personal experience here, but, having gone to school in the exact environment as the one discussed in the high-profile case (and having been assaulted by someone who went to the same high school), I'd say that this particular situation has been unusually upsetting for me. What happened to me took place over a decade ago and, while I thought I'd moved on from it, these past couple weeks have reminded me that, given the right conditions, trauma can resurface unexpectedly. Old wounds can open even if you think they're healed. 

While I'm not, by any means, a professional, a mental health expert, or a therapist, I do have some personal experience dealing with trauma and recently I've been through the task of figuring out ways to cope with it when it resurfaces, so I thought I'd spend a little time sharing what's worked for me. If at all possible, seek the help of a professional when dealing with trauma because they can assess your unique needs, personality, etc. But if you want to know what's worked for me personally, keep reading. 

 

IDENTIFY THE TRIGGER(S) 

The first step of coping with resurfacing wounds is identifying what's bringing them up. Sometimes this is quite obvious -- like, for example, the current news cycle -- but a lot of the time it isn't so clear. The strangest things can be a trigger, and these will be different for everyone, based on the traumatic situation and the individual's personality. The key to identifying triggers is paying attention to what's going on around you when you feel upset or unsettled. Listen to your body: Are your muscles tightening? Are you holding your breath? Are you clenching your jaw? Is your heart beating faster? These are just some of the physical cues that can alert you to the fact that something has triggered recollections of a traumatic experience. The more you practice paying attention to your body, the quicker you'll be able to identify these responses -- and the sooner you can identify them, the sooner you can address what has triggered them (and hopefully move past the difficult emotions). 

 

NOTICE TO YOUR RESPONSES

After figuring out what the trigger is, it's important to pay attention to how you're responding. (Yes, this is similar to the first part, but it's not linear path. Identifying triggers and responses goes hand-in-hand and sometimes you can figure out one before the other.) Taking notice of your physical and emotional responses can help you in two very important ways: (1) it will allow you to address your reactions directly and (2) knowing your responses can be useful in the future to help you quickly assess how you're feeling and what you're experiencing. Knowing your personal responses can alert you to distress, giving you an opportunity to address the distress earlier. Trauma Pages has a useful list of potential physical and emotional responses, but there are many possible experiences and a professional is essential for helping you identify yours. Here are a few of the ones I've experienced recently, but these can vary greatly from person to person. 

  • Changes in appetite (not eating or overeating)
  • Sleep changes (not sleeping or sleeping too much)
  • Stomach troubles (mind and gut are connected!)
  • Increased anxiety and/or panic attacks
  • Restlessness and irritability
  • Emotional mood swings 
  • Feelings of helplessness
  • Detachment or disassociation

 

REMOVE THE TRIGGER (IF POSSIBLE)

This bit of advice might seem obvious. Like, of course you should remove the trigger if it's upsetting you! But it's not always that easy to do. For example, I knew as soon as this high-profile assault case came to the mainstream media that I should stop looking at the news. It was obviously the direct cause of my distress. But there was also a part of me that didn't want to look away, that wanted to see what was going to happen, that didn't want to be out of the loop. Closing the apps, not clicking links, was harder than I'd thought it would be, but, overall, I've done the best I can to keep my focus on what's best for me. Avoiding difficult things is usually not good advice, but there's a difference between being informed and being impacted to the point of distress. You do what's right for you, and do whatever you can to put your mind at ease. 

 

SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP

If at all possible, I highly recommend seeking professional help when a past trauma resurfaces. The right therapist can, quite literally, be a lifesaver. If therapy isn't possible (or if, like me, you can't afford it), you can revisit and use tools taught to you by a professional in the past. I went back to my old notes on therapy sessions and reminded myself of techniques that my therapist taught me and put them to use over the past few weeks. If you haven't been in therapy, I'm guessing you can find techniques and tips online (but do your research and make sure you're getting good advice from a professional -- don't just try any random thing that some blogger wrote!). You might think you can do it on your own -- I know I like to think that -- but the objective, professional guidance of an expert is essential for making sure that you're not doing more harm than good. 

  

ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL HOW YOU FEEL

One of challenges with unexpected triggers is that you're taken by surprised. Unlike right after an incident has happened, when you might feel as if it's alright to be upset, there can be a tendency, when triggered, to have thoughts like: That was a long time ago; why am I upset now? I should be over this by now. I'm just making it worse by thinking about it again. Stop being so dramatic. Pushing away your feelings never goes well. Sure, it's not a good idea to ruminate on them obsessively, but it's not helpful to discredit them or tell yourself you should feel differently than you do. You're allowed to feel how you feel. You don't always have to act on your feelings, but it is helpful to acknowledge them, allow yourself to experience them, and do what you can to move toward a more positive mindset. 

 

REALIZE NOT EVERYONE WILL UNDERSTAND

People who haven't been through what you've been through, even if they're empathetic, aren't necessarily going to understand how you're feeling or why you're feeling it. As a result, they might say or do the "wrong" things. They might not realize that the smallest thing -- someone I love saying, "I really don't think he did it" about the high-profile case, for example -- can be devastating. You can do your best to communicate how you feel, but, even when you do, people might not understand (or respect your requests not to bring up certain topics). This leads you to choose one of two options: (1) avoid those people or (2) accept that you can't control others and know that, even if they aren't malicious, their words might hurt you, but the benefits of your relationship outweigh the pain caused. The choice you make here is going to depend a lot on the relationship and situation, but you can counteract these negative interactions by also spending time with those who understand and empathize. 

 

EXPLORE EMOTIONS CREATIVELY

Creativity is my personal lifesaver. Without it, I don't know how I would survive. I know a lot of people don't think they're creative or don't understand how creativity could help with mental distress, but, from decades of experience, I know that it works. The benefits of creativity are multitudinous, and they are worth considering when an old wound has resurfaced and old traumatic events feel like they're happening all over again. Creating something can bring you back to the present, can serve as an outlet for exploring your emotions, and can even lead you to knew insights about yourself and the situation. Whether it's writing, drawing, painting, cooking, or any other creative activity you can engage in, doing something creative can be really helpful when coping with trauma. 

 

PRACTICE SOOTHING SELF-CARE 

"Self-care" is such a buzzword these days, and I personally think its use can be a bit problematic at times. Taking a bubble bath isn't going to fix deep-rooted mental health issues. "Treat yourself" isn't going to heal emotional wounds. That being said, I think self-care can be a nice addition to the rest of the advice listed above, particularly when you're having a difficult day. One of the tricky things about self-care is that it's very personal. What soothes me might not sound at all soothing to you. Here are some self-care practices that work for me (but if these don't appeal to you, just think about things that make you feel calm, happy, loved, or relaxed and do those things):

  • Creating something (writing or drawing)
  • Taking a bath with an absorbing book
  • Watching funny films, shows, or videos
  • Playing with my pup, Barkley
  • Talking with an empathetic friend
  • Having a dance party with happy tunes
  • Writing in my gratitude journal 
  • Practicing some yoga with Adriene

Everyone has a different definition of "soothing." For extroverts, surrounding yourself with people and noise and stimulation might be useful. For introverts, alone time, reflection, and quiet might be preferable. The key is to do what feels right for you, not what falls under the mainstream notion of "self-care." 

 

AIM FOR FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness is a tricky topic because so many people equate forgiving with condoning. You might think that if you forgive someone for doing something awful to you that they get let off the hook. You might associate forgiveness with giving something to someone else, but it's actually much more about you than it is about him/her. Forgiveness is something you give yourself. As Tian Dayton wrote,

We forgive, if we are wise, not for the other person, but for ourselves. We forgive, not to erase a wrong, but to relieve the residue of the wrong that is alive within us. We forgive because it is less painful than holding on to resentment. We forgive because without it we condemn ourselves to repeating endlessly the very trauma or situation that hurt us so. We forgive because ultimately it is the smartest action to take on our own behalf. We forgive because it restores to us a sense of inner balance.

Everyone's situation is unique and, for some, forgiveness might not feel like an option, but I've personally found that every time I've experienced something traumatic and chosen forgiveness, I've felt a lot better. Forgiveness isn't accepting the behavior or denying that pain happened (or might still be happening). Forgiveness is freeing yourself from being connected to the person that hurt you. Forgiveness is freedom for you and, ultimately, doesn't have to involve anyone else. 
 
 
 
As a reminder, I'm not a mental health professional. The advice listed above comes from my own personal experience and might not work for you. If you're experiencing trauma (or the resurfacing of old traumas as a result of this high-profile assault case or for any other reason), I recommend seeking the guidance of a licensed mental health professional. Experts can assess your personal situation and provide insights and advice that works specifically for you, which you just can't get by searching online. Trauma is a complex mess of pain, but, with the right tools (and the help of a professional!), it is possible to overcome it, or, at the very least, learn tactics for coping with it. 
 

5 Lessons Learned from Starting Over


Positively Present - Start Over


Okay, so I'll say right up front that the "starting over" I had to cope with last past week is related to the loss of an app, not a person or a situation. It might sound dramatic, but it was just a tad traumatic for me to lose access to the place where I spend a ton of time these days: my Procreate drawing app.

When it started crashing repeatedly and the Procreate team (despite their best efforts!) wasn't able to fix it, I knew it was inevitable: I would have to delete and reinstall. Now, I know this sounds silly — Who cares?! You had to delete an app! — but it was, much as I hate to admit even to myself, kind of a big deal. Yes, I had backed up most of my work (PSA: ALWAYS BACK UP EVERYTHING!), but deleting the app meant losing all of my settings and favorite brushes, and facing the daunting task of reinstalling over two years' worth of work. 

The app crashed every time I tried to open a file and my first response was, Why now? Why me? I see artists doing way more complex art on the app and I don't see much of anything in the message boards about having to delete and reinstall! This, of course, is a pretty typical reaction to a loss. First I was desperately hoping it could be fixed (denial) and then, when I realized it couldn't, I was upset. It was a very strange feeling. I knew it was just an app, and the situation could be way worse (I had, after all, backed up most of my work), but there's something deeply unsettling about having something you use every single day taken away from you without warning. 

Equally as unsettling: realizing how much of my life had become intertwined with an app. The first night without it, I was restless. To unwind, I usually spend time drawing and, while I was waiting to see if Procreate could be fixed, I tried playing around with other drawing apps. It just wasn't the same. They didn't work like Procreate did. They didn't have my brushes and my settings, all of my colors and sketched-out ideas. I was unnerved. But I decided that, if this wasn't a time to try being positively present, what was?

After that first night, I decided to pay attention, to see if I could learn anything from this situation. Obviously, I couldn't get the app back in its original state, but that didn't mean I couldn't learn from the experience. So here's what I took away from this experience: 

 

TRYING TO CONTROL EVERYTHING IS POINTLESS. 

As someone who is decidedly "Type A," control is something I love to pretend I possess. All of the organization, backing-up, and planning in the world can't prevent life from happening, though. Situations like this one — however silly it might seem — are great reminders for those who enjoy control. They show us that, no matter what we do, things are sometimes going to fall apart or go wrong. That's part of life and the quicker you learn to take it in stride, the quicker you'll be able to bounce back. Over the years, I've gotten better at letting go of control, but it's always good for me to be reminded that there are a lot of things in life that I can't have authority over. 

STAYING POSITIVE MAKES IT MUCH BETTER. 
 
When things are going wrong — particularly when they have a big impact on your day-to-day life — it can be tricky to stay positive, but if there's one thing that this experience has taught me, it's that positivity does make things better. Staying optimistic obviously didn't fix the situation (I still had to deal with the app-less days and the reinstallation craziness), but by staying positive and knowing that, no matter how the situation ended up, I'd be able to make do, made it a lot easier to cope with. This particular situation also reminded me how far I've come in terms of trying to be more positive and present. Positivity takes practice, but it works.
 

RELYING ON ONE THING IS DANGEROUS.
 
Though I can't deny that I love Procreate (and nothing reminds you of how much you love something like losing it!), another lesson learned from this experience was that relying only on one program is dangerous. If something were to happen to Procreate, or I wasn't able to use it for whatever reason, I'd be really upset. Losing Procreate for a few days was a good reminder not to put all of my eggs in one basket. Sure, it's fine to have a favorite thing / person / etc., but it's dangerous to rely only on one thing. Diversity — in apps and in life — is important. Don't wait till you've lost your one thing to realize that. Losing Procreate for a few days prompted me to explore other drawing apps. None of them can replace my beloved Procreate, but now I've at least dabbled a bit in other options. 
 
 
FEELING HOW YOU FEEL IS OKAY. 
 
This was a very unexpected (but important!) lesson: I realized that it's okay to feel how you feel, even if seems a little ridiculous. When this first happened, my first reaction was to be upset and my second was to say to myself, Don't be ridiculous. It's just an app. You don't have any right to be upset about something so trivial when there are so many important things going on in the world! While those are rational thoughts, comparison isn't very helpful, especially because emotions aren't a finite resource. I can be upset about losing an app and recognize the millions of ways I'm fortunate and feel empathetic for those who are suffering from real problems. Just because a problem is trivial doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel something. 
 
 
HAVING A FRESH START CAN BE PRODUCTIVE. 
 
One of the best things I discovered over the past week is that, even if you don't necessarily like it, a fresh start can be a good thing sometimes. For weeks I'd be wanting to better organize my files. I'd thought about getting rid of some old brushes I never use. I'd worried if maybe I wasn't backing up my work frequently enough. Well, when the app crashed, I was given a chance to revisit my organization and back-up and got to start fresh with my brushes and color palettes. I even think the new brush I'm using is better than my old favorite! Yes, there are a ton of little annoyances, but there've been some really productive aspects of this fresh start, which is a great reminder that you never know what good things a bad situation can bring! 
 
 
 
As silly as it might sound, the loss (and reinstallation) of Procreate was a bit of a shake-up in my world. But, as frustrating as it was, it was ultimately a positive thing, especially because I learned a lot about the app (and myself!). If you're in the midst of starting over in any aspect of your life, try to focus on these lessons and it'll be much easier to cope with the changes (chosen or unexpected!). Even frustrating times can bring about some wisdom! 
 
If you do any digital drawing, I highly recommend checking out the Procreate app. I've been using it for years and this is the first time I've ever had any trouble with it (and the Procreate team did everything possible to help me sort it out). Other than this one fluke breakdown, it's an AMAZING program for digital art (on iPad or iPhone). If you already use it, check out my Procreate brushes here