6 Things You Should Stop Settling For

Positively Present - Stop Settling

 

As the leaves start to sprout on the trees and the flowers begin to poke their heads up through the dirt, I'm reminded, once again, of how spring is the ultimate symbolic season of change and growth and blooming once again. After months of drab, colorless treetops, things are blooming as they always do, and it's showing me that we, too, can bloom again, even when things have been dormant for some time. One of the best ways to channel the springtime vibe of transformation is to investigate what we've been settling for.

When we can identify the areas in which we're not getting what we truly want in life, we're able to consider how we might reshape those aspects of our lives. Of course, such transformation won't happen overnight, but recognizing the places in which we might be settling is the first step towards change. Here are six areas in which settling should be avoided. But don't beat yourself up if you've been settling in these areas. Just consider how you might want to change them going forward. Like the seeds tucked underground all winter long, you, too, can recognize that there's more to life than dirt and darkness. You, too, can push out of your confines and stretch toward the sunlight you deserve. 

 

LUKEWARM LOVE AFFAIRS

Real love (not that easy falling-in-love stuff) is tough. There are highs and lows, good times and bad. But if you're not in it together — usually on the same team, mostly putting in the same amount of effort, having similar feelings for one another — it might not be a full-hearted kind of love. If you only see someone when it's convenient for them, if you put in all of the effort and get little in return, if you worry constantly if the other person feels the same, it's time to stop settling and seek out the kind of love you (we all!) deserve. 

 

JOY-STEALING WORK

Work — even the very best kind — is no piece of cake. It's tough, even when you love your job. But if it feels like it's sucking the life out of you, if it feels like it takes everything you've got and gives nothing back, it's time for a change. You might not be able to drastically change your work situation, but you can seek out a similar job in a new place, find a way to transform the work you're doing, or even take a pay cut to work in a more fulfilling environment. Most of us spend a huge chunk of our lives at work so it's definitely not an area of life where settling should be acceptable. 

 

FICKLE FRIENDSHIPS

Every relationship — even the best of friendships — has its ups and downs, but if you're putting in all the work, it's time to consider if it's worth it. Consider whether your friend is asking about your wellbeing, interested in your life, or doing kind things to show their appreciation for you. (And, on the flip side, consider if you're doing these things as a friend!) Relationships of all kinds should include give and take and if you're the only one giving, you're settling for less and should seek companionship elsewhere. 

 

SECOND-RATE STORIES

Life is short, so why settle for second-rate things? This is particularly true when faced with items that have tons of options (like books!). There is an incredible amount of text to be read in this world, so if the book is bad, put it down. Don't waste time on second-rate stories when you could pick up a magical, potentially life-changing work. Same goes for food (if it's bad, send it back), clothing (if it doesn't work, return it), etc. Yes, it can be easier to stick with what's already in your hand, but do you really want to look back a mourn all the time you wasted on second-rate nonsense?

 

DEADEND DREAMS

Consider, for a moment, what a dream life looks like to you. Is that your idea of an ideal scenario or someone else's? It is something that gets you up in the morning, pumped to started your day and move toward that dream? If not, you might be suffering from a case of uninspired dreaming. Reflect on what you really want — and make sure that you're not aiming towards goals that others have set for you or goals that you set for yourself a long time ago that no longer speak to what you want your future to look like. We change, and often our dreams do too. 

 

LACKLUSTER LEISURE

How are you spending your free time? Are you truly enjoying the activities you've deemed as "leisure"? If you are, awesome! Keep at it! But if you're doing something just because it's easy, you've always done it, or it's someone else's idea of a good time, consider exploring new leisure-time activities. In fact, maybe just try doing something different to see if you like it. If you're always watching TV, try going for a walk. If your weekends are spent on a hiking trail, consider a Netflix binge. Try new things to make sure you're not settling for how you spend your friend time! 

 

Life is short is such a cliche, but it's true. Too many of us (myself included!) are settling for things (and people...) because it feels easier than change. You're not alone if, like me, change intimidates you. But do what you can to find the courage to stop settling for less than you deserve. It's rarely easy to let go of what's comforting (even when it's unhealthy), but the sooner you do it, the sooner you'll have the freedom to pursue the things in life that add real value, that make you excited and empowered! 

 

Love-Self-Footer Find-Self-Footer


 

 


10 Years of Positively Present!

Through the Year Cover PPANNIVERSARY EXCLUSIVE!

From now until the end of the month, EVERYONE who signs up for Patreon will get a copy of Through the Year: 52 Pages of Inspiration from Positively Present, an exclusive e-book containing 52 Positively Present illustrations. For just $1 (or more, if you're feeling generous!), you can get this unique collection of illustrations all while supporting Positively Present!

In March, the book will only be available for higher tiers. If you like what I've been doing over the past ten years, please consider supporting my work on Patreon. (And if Patreon isn't for you, don't worry: I've got something for you! Use code "anniversary" in the print shop for 25% off your order all month long!)

SIGN UP FOR PATREON HERE!

 


 

This week, Positively Present turns ten years old. TEN. It's hard to believe that something that started as a little personal growth project (remember when I was too scared to even tell you my first name?!) turned into a full-blown career. I suppose that's how a lot of businesses start (a personal hobby one day turns into a business years later), but it still shocks me sometimes, just how far Positively Present — and I! — have come in the past decade.

Of course, with this big day approaching, I've been spending a lot of time reflecting so I thought I'd share some of the lessons I've learned from ten years of doing this. Even if you're not a blogger or a creative, check out these life lessons and spend a little time reflecting on what you've learned since 2009. I'm all for staying the in present, but sometimes it doesn't hurt to take a look back and reflect on how far you've come...

 

LESSON 1: LUCK

Sure, I've worked hard creating content over the years, but I can't deny that luck has played a role in the creation and continuation of Positively Present. I've been fortunate enough to come across some great people and organizations as part of my work here and through them, I've been given some amazing opportunities. While I've definitely learned the value of hard work over the years, I've also learned that sometimes it's just about being in the right place at the right time. 

 

LESSON 2: WISDOM

I started Positively Present as a way for me to discover how I, a negative worrier, could learn to live more positively in the present. While I still struggle with anxiety, worrying, and negativity at times, I've learned so much from writing, researching, and creating, as well as from followers and fans. With time comes wisdom, but I've learned that paying attention to that wisdom (and writing it down!) helps it stick with me. 

 

LESSON 3: OPTIMISM

Of course, one of the greatest lessons I've learned over the past ten years is how to be more optimistic. I'm by no means perfect in this regard (I still have to redirect my mind from negative thoughts all the time), but I now have more tools and resources and awareness that helps me focus on how to make the most of the moment (even when the moment's terrible). 

 

LESSON 4: SELF-LOVE

I didn't realize how big of a role self-love would end up having here, but it's been just as important as positivity and mindfulness. Over the years, I've learned how valuable self-love is and how cultivating it can help in almost every aspect of life. Perhaps I would have learned that without PP, but I'll always be grateful for the way this site has guided me to focus on self-love and self-awareness. 

 

LESSON 5: FREEDOM

I've always loved my freedom, but working for myself (something I was able to start doing after about three years of working on the blog as hobby) continually reminds me just how important freedom is for me. I'm so thankful to be able to do what I love and, while I'm often frustrated by the life as a "starving artist," I'd rather have an empty fridge and be free than be chained down with a full belly. 

 

LESSON 6: SUPPORT

Without the support of friends, family, loved ones, and awesome patrons, Positively Present never would have survived over the years. Both emotionally and financially, I've received incredible support from those around me, and, much as I love to rejoice in my freedom, that freedom wouldn't be possible without the support, encouragement, and help of others. 

 

LESSON 7: CREATIVITY

Through my work here, I've learned more than I could have imagined about the importance of creativity and about my own ability to create. It started purely as me blogging about my thoughts on being positively present and has since turned into books, planners, workbooks, design work, and illustrations. I've always loved creating, but having the opportunity to share it here has been an amazing teacher. 

 

LESSON 8: HONESTY

Sharing my words and work here has been, at times, scary. While I certainly don't share every detail of my personal life, I've definitely opened up here in ways I never would have thought possible. Learning to be honest with myself (and, in turn, with others) has taught me a great deal about how important honesty is. Looking to understand things as they truly are isn't always easy, but the more I do it here, the better I get at it. 

 

LESSON 9: CONNECTION

As an introvert, I'm not always putting myself in positions to create new connections, but Positively Present has brought me together with people from around the world who also want to share and learn and grow. It's been so awesome to meet new people (and to learn from them!) over the years. The internet has it's issues, for sure, but I never would have been able to meet so many diverse and unique individuals without this little site right here!

 

LESSON 10: CHANGE

Though much has stayed the same over the years when it comes to the content here, a great deal has changed in terms of how that content's delivered. Once just a little personal blog, it's now a brand with a variety of different social media platforms and IRL products. Change has never been my favorite, but working on Positively Present over the years has helped me to accept and work with change, and I'll be forever thankful for that life lesson. 

 

These are just a few of the many, many lessons I've learned since the beginning (though, even three months in, I'd learned a lot), and though there have been some major ups and downs, some wonderful successes and some time-wasting failures, I'm proud of what I've spent my time doing here on Positively Present, and I hope that you've learned something from following along. Here's to the next ten years of inspiration, insight, and personal growth! 

 


 

If you like the work I've been doing and want to support Positively Present, don't forget to sign up on Patreon to get a copy of Through the Year: 52 Pages of Inspiration from Positively Present, an exclusive e-book containing 52 Positively Present illustrations (a glimpse of what's in the book in the image below). All tier levels will receive a digital copy instantly when they sign up from now until March 1. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your support! 

SIGN UP FOR PATREON HERE!Through the Year Interior


New Year, Same You?: In Praise of Positive Choices

 

Positively Present - Celebrate Positive Choices

 

When something really great happens — you get accepted to the school of your choice, you publish a book, you land the great job, you find love, you make the team, you get the A, you choose a new career path, you give birth to a human person — celebrating is easy. People around you get excited for you and, even if you're filled with uncertainty ('cause change, however positive, can be scary!), you likely feel some sort of positive feelings about having worked hard to accomplish something.

But, unless you're some kind of amazing superstar, these big "wins" are probably not an everyday occurrence. In fact, they might happen only a few times in your lifetime! While I'm all for celebrating life's big, exciting moments, I think we could all benefit from turning a little celebratory attention to the little, everyday wins. This is especially true at the start of a new year when you're probably trying to: (a) keep up with positive progress made last year, (b) start making positive progress this year 'cause last year was a bust, (c) maintain some combination of the A and B, or (d) come to terms with the fact that it's a new year and you better find a way to get your act together before a new decade comes along! 

No matter how you feel about new years, there's always a bit of pressure associated with the start, with those twelve months of possibility stretching out before you. Resolutions or not, we all hope that this year will be better than last year (or, if last year was a great one, hope that this year will live up to it). We're all eyes ahead, focused on what we want to do or achieve in the weeks to come. Many of us are trying to better ourselves, to make choices that will be more aligned with who we want to be in the future. The beginning of each year offers such hope to be a better version of ourselves, and, while that hope can propel some of us into positive action, it can also make an awful lot of us feel like we're already failing at the year, even just a few days in. 

Personally, I had grand ideas for my post-holiday self. The end of the year is always my busiest, both personally and professionally, so I often find myself saying that "X will be different in the New Year" or "In January, I'm going to tackle Y." Not surprisingly, we're a week in and few things have changed dramatically from the time when the calendar read 2018. Change, at least for me, tends to happen slowly, and frequently it's only when I reflect back on things that I realize how much progress I've made. 

I frequently face a "new year, same me" frustration, growing angry at myself for not making all of the picture perfect choices I swore I would make once that calendar page had turned. But yesterday, after chastising myself for a not-so-great choice I made, I found myself mumbling, "I wonder how many good choices you make every single day and don't even think about."

And that little sentence stopped me in my tracks. How many positive choices do I make all the time without even thinking about them? How many changes have I made, over time, that I don't even think about praising myself for because they've become habits? While mulling over these questions, I recognized quite a few good choices I've made recently that a previous version of myself might not have made, like...

  • I didn't pick up my book and read for hours in the middle of a workday 
  • I didn't say the not-very-nice, judgmental thing that came to mind 
  • I didn't sleep in, neglecting the dog until much too late in the morning
  • I didn't order pizza when I had a perfectly good meal in the fridge
  • I didn't forget to take medicine and a rest when I got a headache
  • I didn't skip writing in my gratitude journal, which brings me joy
  • I didn't go down to the corner store and pick up a bottle of wine
  • I didn't put off vacuuming even though I really wanted to
  • I didn't send a call to voicemail and avoid the conversation
  • I didn't leave the bed unmade (which always makes me unsettled)
  • I didn't delete the email and avoid my editing tasks
  • I didn't conclude that I could skip this week's blog post
  • I didn't turn down an opportunity to help a friend in need
  • I didn't consume an entire bag of candy mindlessly
  • I didn't neglect my daily yoga practice, even while very tired
  • I didn't allow myself to smoke cigarettes like I used to 
  • I didn't leave dirty dishes stacked up in the kitchen sink
  • I didn't throw plastic in the trashcan instead of the recycling bin
  • I didn't lose my patience with the incessantly yapping dog
  • I didn't ignore the spreadsheets, despite the boredom they bring
  • I didn't buy that thing I really don't need but really wanted

These are just a few of the good choices I've made recently, most of them made without thinking twice about them. This list isn't meant to be, Woohoo! Look at me and all I've done right! It's meant to show you that, despite the plethora of not-great choices I've made so far this year, I've also made a lot of good choices too!

If you're like me and you're feeling a bit let down by the new year, unsure if you'll be able to live up to your 2018 self's version of who you'd be this year, I highly recommend writing a list of your own. Especially if you're working on New Year's resolutions (or if you've already broken them), writing down a list of positive choices you've made — even if they seem silly or obvious, like brushing your teeth or going to work — can really help you reframe the start of the year for you. 

A new year is a great time to make changes, make resolutions, set intentions, etc., but don't let it be a time when you beat yourself up for all you're not yet doing, forgetting about all the positive choices you've made (or are currently making). We're all on different paths. What's positive for me might not be for you; what feels like a big accomplish for me might be effortless for you. So take some time this week to think about what you've been doing — particularly the things you've done so many times that you don't even think about them anymore — and celebrate them. Because, when you think about it, all of those big wins in life — the moments we celebrate with fervor and festivity, confetti and congratulations — are really only possible because of all of the little wins we take for granted. 

 

PPGTL-Footer Love-Self-Footer Find-Self-Footer